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Well, after KidVegeta persuaded me to do this, I've decided to finally do some reviews for this little wiki.

I'll give my honest thoughts, no matter how dickish they are. I don't claim to be better than anyone here, as I know that a few of you are better than me.

I review the stories as I read them, so some lists may be excessively long (I'll try to avoid that). I'll try and keep the reviews at a good length, not too long, not too short.

Grading system

My grades are as follows:

  • 10/10 - Perfect
  • 9/10 - Amazing
  • 8/10 - Excellent
  • 7/10 - Above above average
  • 6/10 - Above average
  • 5/10 - Average
  • 4/10 - Has a little potential, but needs a bit of work
  • 3/10 - Awful
  • 2/10 - Sh*t
  • 1/10 - This

If my final marks seem off, it will most likely be due my overall enjoyment of the story. If I have listed no cons for a story, yet it is, say, a 9.0, the reason will be due to my lack of, or little enjoyment of the story. Similarly, if I have listed a story a good amount of cons, but have still given an overall high mark, it will be for the same reason.

Reviews

Dragon Ball Z: The Forgotten

Pros

  • Interesting premise where not much has been expanded on
  • The underlying themes of the tale are delivered wonderfully, not too complex, yet not too obvious
  • Each saga has a seperate feel to it; this I like
  • The canon characters are true to their persona, for the most part; and the fanons are a joy to read about and gradually unravel their characters
  • A lot of good depth within the plot
  • The Benefactor, his special and his interactions with all
  • Jokes in the little description things
  • Your persistance; it must be really boring having to write all that out
  • The Roshi/Krillin-ness of Ryori

Cons

  • Prince Vegeta Saga gets a bit tedious after awhile, especially after his first mission
  • Lauto saga was far too long; that was the reason why I initially dropped off following it
  • The orange font hurts my eyes a little when reading Lauto.
  • Guva and Banas; they bore me
  • Ledas in PES saga is a bit too much like kid Goku/Goten for me
  • Mrs. Fanshi taking Ledas in straight away; a bit creepy, if you ask me
  • The Reunion saga feels rushed and not at the same quality of your other works

Overall Mark and closing comments

While it is an amazing story with nice twists of action and comedy, and it is a grand premise, several things bug me while reading. The atrocious length of Lauto Saga really put me off for a good time, as it was too much too quickly. But having said that, it is one of the best fanons here.

8/10

Tien: Origins

Pros

  • Tien as the main focus; he really needed much more screen time.
  • Beautiful writing
  • The dialogue is amazing, majority of the time
  • I like the sneaky transition into a first-person view from Yamcha. Very funny, yet effective.
  • Bang

Boom

Ka-pow

Other miscellaneous sounds which mean loud. Lol

  • Kordar; I don't like him, he's a dick, but he's well presented and a good fanon character
  • That poetry within the tale.
  • Chaozu 'becoming' the Saiyan God.
  • Referencing Superman. Nice
  • Them nice little jokes prinkled throughout.
  • Referencing Nitro from The Mrovian Trilogy.
  • That last epic battle.

Cons

  • The first reunion between Chaozu, Tien and Master Shen. The initial dialogue is a little awkward, and Tien appears to switch sides; one moment he is angry at Shen, then the next he wants him to saty.
  • I would have preferred if you had kept the writing style the same throughout, rather than swapping to KV's format.
  • The aruptness of Tien, Chaozu and Yamcha arriving on Bekk.
  • Some parts of the tale feel rushed, not expanded upon properly.
  • How does Tien know about his birth while watching his dad die?
  • The ending. I know it was for the story, and too cliched it would be to have Tien return to Earth unscathed, but I dislike the finale. Much like I did the Bartimaeus Trilogy's.

Rating and Comments

This is perhaps the best piece of literature that one can find on the site. It is worthy of the Akira Toriyama's work, the best fan fiction I have ever seen. It is most definitely my favourite story of all fan fictions on the internet, one which I take to be canon, and it truly deserves its place on the Featured Fanons list.

9.5/10

Dragon Ball Z: In Requiem

Pros

  • It is, quite simply, written beautifly
  • Buu's first rampage; Babidi's a little prick
  • Buu's realization that he was powerless
  • You've added depth to Buu's personality. Bravo
  • Lol at Buu throwing cake at Baba
  • In the first few paragraphs of the chapter Sneaking?! Buu reminds me of the Black Riders from LOTR
  • Buu and Uub's confrontation/realization thing
  • Buu saving Baba

Cons

  • I'm pretty sure Buu doesn't bleed
  • While this was already done very skillfully, I would have preferred it if a little more emphasis on Buu's sorrow and loss was made, especially from his angle. While still done very well, that part, I think was a little rushed.
  • More of a question than a con, but why does Buu have to 'relieve' himself?
  • King Yemma gave into Babidi too quickly; and saying that, he wouldn't do what Babidi said
  • Babidi living. I don't like that. I would have preferred if the only one left was Uub.


Question: Is that Ledas who lands with the Z Fighters?

Rating and Comments

In Reqiuem is a beautifully written piece of work. It sheds new light on Buu, and greatly adds to his character, something I thought pointless and a waste of time, as well incredibly difficult. I mean, how do you add to the character of a pink blob? But I understand how to now, as IR is truly is deserving of its spot on the Featured Fanons, and is KidVegeta's finest piece of work.

9/10

Dragon Ball: The Mrovian Trilogy

Pros

  • Lovely premise
  • Nitro reminds me very much so of Cooler
  • Writing is better than most, though some areas could use some work
  • Fights are well written and paced
  • Very immersing
  • The main characters are well expanded upon, if a little rushed at times
  • Lots of behind-the-scenes work; the technique pages and that stuff really helps the story
  • Chaiva
  • Cuber
  • I enjoyed reading about Cuber's training on Mrov; just wish it was longer
  • Chaiva's revenge
  • Borgur

Cons

  • Some sentences don't really make sense/are poorly worded
  • Not enough emphasis on Nitro's destruction of the planet. It just suddenly happens and is done.
  • Cuber shouldn't be turning into a Super Saiyan that early on. He just doesn't seem powerful enough
  • His realization happens too fast, too soon
  • The introduction to Mrov is too rushed
  • So is the battle of Mrov
  • And Chaiva's reappearance was too early
  • I finished it

Question: Why is Chaiva more ruthless than Cuber? Isn't Cuber the leader?

Was Borgur going to do to Chaiva what I thought he was going to do?

Rating and Comments

A very nice tale. I especially like reading about what the Saiyan's did when not being chased by the PTO, and the expansion with the characters was very nice and I got a good feel for who I like and who I don't. That being said, the story is very rushed, particularly on Mrov, and it just needs to slow down and enjoy the ride. That, I think, is what you need to work on most.

8.5/10

Special (Legacies Episode)

Pros

  • Some quality writing here
  • The name Bekk reminds me of KOTOR
  • Tien's race being stronger than Saiyans
  • Tien's mother
  • Kortar; I dunno why, he's shown very little in this but he reminds me of Zarbon a lot

Cons

  • Being under the rule of Cooler; doesn't seem really believable
  • Tien's father
  • Why the hell was it that short?

Rating and Comments

Far, far too short. Very well written, but it's pretty much just Tien's mum walking down the road. That said, I very much so enjoyed it. I am very interested in the Bekks now, and I want to know more about their doings with Cooler, even though I am confused as to why they are under his rule.

8/10 (due to length)

Dragonball Unlimated

Pros

  • No

Cons

  • Have you heard of a thing called a full stop?
  • Or grammar?
  • Or capitals?
  • Gohan as the Supreme Kai?
  • Mystic Saiyan 10/SS10
  • Goku's return
  • Shenron just telling Vegeta that two underworld groups are coming in two years
  • Goku and Vegeta LSS?
  • Piccolo's monologue
  • 'and all the weak villains came out first'
  • WTF are you saying?
  • What's the point of the new characters?
  • Piccolo thinking training would be easy
  • Why the hell is there now a character called Unlimated? Where did he come from?
  • Isn't Nail already fused with Piccolo?
  • Legendary Super Namek
  • Super Namek 5
  • What happened to Earth being attacked?
  • Why is Gohan coaching Piccolo?
  • Didn't Vegeta tell Goku that Broly was good now?
  • No. Broly was killed three times. He's not coming back. Ever
  • So why can Goku go SS5 and Broly LSS3?
  • That explanation for why Broly was good made less sense than Serroli's original backstory
  • Why is everyone a LSS now?
  • Terrible, terrible transitioning and backstories
  • So why are Tien and Yamcha training the people of Earth? I missed that
  • Didn't Bulma and Chichi already go to Gohan's planet?
  • The whole thing seems to be shit explanations for a shit storyline and then training. Just training. For no apparent reason
  • Who the hell is Rohan, why does he have such an unimaginative name, and why is he so powerful?
  • So how does power block itself?
  • So Chichi is young now?
  • Gochan wasn't as powerful as Rohan, yet he can become a LSS?
  • You do know that it's not really a legendary Super Saiyan form if everyone can do it, aye?
  • Future Trunks is back now
  • The nameless 'other 2 z fighters'
  • Hang on, if the Z Fighters have been away for two months, have the villains from hell just been killing Earth pretty much?

Rating and Comments

This whole thing can be summarised in two words; they train.

1/10

Depiction in Red

Pros

  • Very solid writing
  • Rather sad, but of course in a good way.
  • Though short, a good insight into Chichi's pain at losing Goku has been displayed
  • Mother-son relationship; nothing much on the surface, but I felt it showed how much closer to her children Chichi had become, and how much they had noticed her change in behaviour

Cons

  • There's nothing I can really say here, as there were no real flaws in the writing, but I suppose her drinking of her blood is a bit, odd.

Rating and Comments

I have no real opinion of the story other than it being quite a change from the normal pace of Dragon Ball fanons that I have read, and I found it very intriguing, and would maybe like a chance to have a little more expansion. I would quite like to read your other fanons, as you appear a very confident and skilled author.

7.5/10

Sixth

Pros

  • Very, very solid writing
  • The bullies are very ruthless and cruel; nice
  • Lol at the bullies throwing rubbish onto Krillin
  • Very good portrayal of Krillin's struggle at the Orin Temple

Cons

  • Too short

Question: Is this set before Krillin shaves his head?

Rating and Comments

Sixth is far too short. I would be very interested to see your other works, as I think we may have found ourselves another excellent writer. This piece of work is very excellent, though I would certainly love some more expansion on this. Maybe a tale of Krillin's journey to Roshi? I greatly enjoyed this short work, and I have no real cons for it.

9.5/10

Why Bother?

Pros

  • Expansion on Yajirobe
  • His evaluation of his actions
  • His justification so his actions would seem ok
  • It's quite a sad little story there; Yajirobe feeling useless and forgotten
  • Lol at Goku being able to drink water better

Cons

  • None, really

Rating and Comments

Well, I have to say that was some excellent reading. I can't say it was too short, because it wasn't. There's not much I can say, other than it was great, for a story that's about nine or so paragraphs. Having said that, I'm not sure if I actually enjoyed the tale. I certainly can't say anything about the cons, as there were none, other than my enjoyment. So I'm not going to try to.

Why bother? It's only gonna hurt me.

9.0/10

Piccolo: The Guardian of Hell - Mongo42089

Pros

  • Above average writing
  • Piccolo's sense of endlessness
  • The plotting of the enemies
  • Dr Gero and Cell working together; very fitting
  • Very immersing
  • Mace very much reminds me of Dark Kai
  • Mace's retorts to Piccolo don't really make sense

Cons

  • If you're dead, shouldn't the needs of the body be irrelevant? Like sleep?
  • Freeza seems a little... OOC. I understand it's due to stress levels, but it didn't seem right
  • Some sentences seem awkwardly worded
  • Piccolo is a little OOC
  • Why do they call him the Green Man? They all know his name is Piccolo
  • Prophecy crap; I hate prophecy crap.
  • Pan is a bit odd. One minute she's acting like a four year old, the next a fourteen year old.

Rating and Comment

An interesting premise, for sure, but I think some things could use quite some work, like the OOCness of some characters. You've shown some good promise, and I would quite like to see how this folds out, but I think you need to work on the above cons.

7/10

Yu Yu Hakusho Z - Destructivedisk

The following is a humour story, and will be reviewed as such.

Pros

  • No build up
  • Who the hell are Yusuke and Kuwbara and Kurama and Hiei? I'm assuming from Yu Yu Hakusho
  • WTF is Cell doing there?
  • Super Saiyan 5
  • 'Super cool dreadlocks'
  • The fuck is Demon Mode?
  • Cell can take a Super Saiyan 5 and a Demon Mode 2 by kicking them many times
  • Cell's apology
  • Yamcha howling like a wolf
  • Hiei is still a bad guy
  • Slicing Gohan in half
  • Running super fast to train super hard
  • 20 minutes of training = better!
  • Hiei is felled by a deadly kick
  • Emperor Pilaf
  • Chiaotzu thinking his life partner was Hiei
  • Bon Para doesn't need an introduction
  • Nor does Ox King or Pan
  • Pan does suck
  • Future Ox King
  • Android 4
  • I thought Pan already died
  • Botan

Cons

  • It's short

Rating and Comments

Quite simply the best thing I have ever read

1/10

Dragonball KC - BROLY LSS5

The following is a humour story, and will be reviewed as such.

Pros

  • ST is his very favourite tale
  • Goku rode Shenron like a horse but Shenron cared naught
  • No correct spelling
  • Or grammar
  • Or good buildup
  • Vegeta SS5
  • Broly again
  • Broly as a LSS5. Removes from the point of the Legenday Super Saiyan, wouldn't you say so?
  • Goku Super Saiyan 6
  • 1000x stronger than SS5
  • Vegeta can't argue with science
  • Gogeta SS6
  • I AM A DEVil
  • Gohan came out
  • Gohan SS4
  • Gohan making Broly fall into a mountain
  • Sensu beans make everything okay
  • Gogogeta
  • Super Saiyan 8
  • Broly Super Saiyan 5
  • Pretty sure Gohan was fused with Gogogeta
  • Mr Poopo
  • What's the relevance of Popo jumping on his carpet?
  • The Dragon Balls save everything
  • Super Saiyan 9
  • Why is Raditz always discriminated against?
  • Goku and friends running away
  • Gogogetalotanks
  • Naruto
  • Mr Satan + Buu Broly?
  • Goku's epic speech
  • The pig guy
  • Censoring
  • Dalas? Who the hell is that?
  • Tripple Infinity
  • SS15
  • Ultimate Z
  • Who the hell is Mr Chokon?
  • So they're singing now?
  • The Cat

Cons

  • N/A

Rating and Comments

Amazing

10/10

Slaved - Brady Patrick

Pros

  • Some quality writing
  • The anguish of the main character

Cons

  • Vegeta wouldn't envy the Ginyu Force, with the exception of strength
  • I don't think Vegeta would have been treated that badly in Frieza's forces

Rating and Comments

Some more excellent work from Brady Patrick. I would really like to see something other than a short story from you, as I think we've found ourselves one very good author here. That being said, I don't think you quite captured the mood as well this time, as well as you did with Sixth. I didn't get as into it as much I would have liked to, partly due to length. My imagination just wasn't inflamed enough, and so I think you really need to get into some lengthier stuff.

7.5/10

Screwed (Legacies Episode) - Frieza Sama

Pros

  • Decent enough writing
  • Your subtle explanation for 17's scout clothing
  • Them being the age of 17; very nice

Cons

  • The formatting is a bit messed up
  • The sentences seem all over the place; at one point, Gero is pining for a human android, and in the next sentence he's worried about the name
  • Why should the officers have to buy a robot? Presumably they can just take them, if Gero is under the RRA's employment
  • Very rushed meeting between Gero and 17/18
    • Overall, a very rushed story. Expansion at a good pace is something you need to work on.
  • Why is 17 'white with fear' at the hearing of a story?
  • Very meh explanation for Gero
  • That crappy attempt at humour

Rating and Comments

While an interesting concept, I don't think you quite pulled it off. There were some bits that had great potential, but they weren't executed properly, and that generally just added to the flaws. This may stand up against most other works here, but it's far from Featured material. Overall, I'd say you need to reevaluate your work and possibly go back for some revamping.

5.5/10

Dragon Ball ST - SSWerty

Pros

  • Okay writing
  • The fights are okay
  • I quite liked Gokarot, despite him being in the story for a paragraph
  • Vegeta exploring Frieza's origins
  • Saga lengths
  • Serroli
  • Dark Kai
  • Serroli's fight with Dark Kai
  • Tien's nice little role near the end
  • Despite it being terribly cliched, I still quite like the battle between Goku's spirit bomb and Dark Kai

Cons

  • Super Saiyan 5/6
  • Very illogical and crappy explanations
  • Not much buildup
  • Buu returning
  • Overpowering
  • Too much reliance on Super Saiyan
  • Spirit Bomb
  • Serroli's backstory
  • No need for Dark Gogeta
  • Ultra Super Saiyan 3
  • Bardock/King Vegeta
  • Serroli's defeat
  • The old villains returning; too cliched
  • I didn't shut the door properly

Rating and Comments

Well, it was quite interesting going back to review my first work. I now properly understand why I need to revamp it, and why it needed to be removed from the Featured Fanons. That being said, I don't think it was a bad effort for a first try, but now it really needs some work. It was quite funny to compare how much I improved in the time I was writing it, when looking at the first few chapters of the Buu Reborn Saga, and the final few chapter of the Creation saga.

My final mark was a bit difficult to choose. Being a very biased person, I would of course normally go for the highest mark that would still seem plausible, but I think I've chosen wisely, without too much bias involved.

6.0/10

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