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This article, The Strongest In The Universe, is property of TeamUnitedNerds. |
This article, The Strongest In The Universe, contains mild or major swearing. You have been warned.
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This article, The Strongest In The Universe, takes place in an alternate universe or timeline,
and is not considered a part of the main Dragon Ball Timeline. |
This article, The Strongest In The Universe, contains graphic depictions of violence or gore. You have been warned.
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This story follows Guldo, and his rise to power, and the inevitable emptiness that comes from being without anything left to strive for. It also serves as a tie-in to The Grand Timeline Tournament.
Guldo was always painfully aware of his limitations. Back on his homeworld, when he was made aware of his psychic powers and ability to freeze time, he felt like a god, and by the standards of his people, he was.
His homeworld was eventually targeted by the Planet Trade Organization, however. He didn’t care much for any member of his species besides himself, so after he was told that he was the only one strong enough for the Organization to keep alive, he simply stood back and allowed them to slaughter his entire race while he boarded the nearest ship.
Unfortunately, his brief time on the ship was enough to let him know that his planet was a very small place indeed. Guldo was a godlike career criminal back on his homeworld, able to pick pockets, rob banks, and skewer his kinfolk twelve at a time on metal rods. Yet, his ability to temporarily freeze time and move objects with his mind meant little when compared to the unbelievable power of Frieza’s elite most soldiers, and to the tyrant himself.
He was placed among Frieza soldiers with comparable power levels for his first few missions, but Guldo made the mistake of being too competent. He underestimated the power of his psychic abilities, particularly when it came to intimidating civilians into submitting to Frieza’s might. Eventually, he was promoted to the Ginyu Force, as its newest and lowest-ranking member, somewhat reluctantly.
Guldo came to love the Ginyu Force after their first few missions together, to his surprise. He enjoyed the sense of comradery, and the fact that he was surrounded by more traditionally strong fighters helped relieve some of his anxieties.
Over time, mission after mission, Guldo’s opinion of the other Ginyus began to sour. He was given a display of how woefully outmatched he was in the grand scheme of things with every battle they fought, and the Force’s occasional playful jabs at his low power level, which he used to simply brush off with a chuckle, now began to grate on him.
But no teasing remark could take away from the fact that he was a Ginyu, and up-and-coming Frieza soldiers with power levels higher than his still needed to regard him with envy, and that was enough to see him through.
Until one particular day, when Guldo saw the Captain himself entering Frieza’s chambers. Guldo always enjoyed a good bit of gossip, and it was the one place where his time-stopping ability was undeniably potent. All he needed to do was freeze time, just for a little while, before perching his small body into a hiding spot where he could freely listen to everything that was said. It was how he knew so much about the Planet Trade Organization’s inner workings, and the deepest secrets of its members, like how King Cold chastised his son for spending too much of his organization’s budget on exotic space wine, or the sort of things that Dodoria asked his space prostitutes to do to him.
Once Ginyu was safely inside Frieza’s chambers, Guldo took an extra-large breath of the spaceship’s purified air, and stumbled into the room behind him, with his cheeks puffed out comically like a space squirrel. He found a small spot in the corner of the room that he could squeeze his body perfectly into, where neither Frieza nor Ginyu would be able to see him. He exhaled a sigh of relief, and began to listen.
“I have my concerns about the newest member of your squad, Ginyo” Frieza said, taking an elegant sip from his glass of wine, King Cold be damned.
“What sort of concerns, Lord Frieza?” Ginyu asked. Guldo was half hoping that Frieza’s concern would be something along the lines of: “I’m afraid Guldo is on the path to overtaking me in power, and I want you and your squad to reason with him, and offer him and unlimited supply of funds and women so he doesn’t turn his remarkable power on me.”
Frieza said no such thing, however. “I’m aware I was the one who promoted him in the first place, but I’m beginning to regret my decision. While his powers are certainly unique, and I know you’ve....grown close to him, as you have the other members of your squad, I’m afraid he simply doesn’t belong among my most elite soldiers. I’m sure you understand my worries.”
Frieza’s voice was dripping with sarcasm and condescension, and it was clear that, despite what his words indicated, he didn’t remotely care what Ginyu thought. Of course, Ginyu would never disagree with Lord Frieza, so that didn’t matter much either.
“I understand Lord Frieza. The other members have suggested the same thing. I’ll have him demoted at once.”
Ginyu took a knee, before rushing out of the chambers, to inform Guldo of the news.
Guldo gritted his teeth, and steamed silently to himself, in his cramped little corner of Frieza’s chambers, where Frieza was still unaware of his presence. He wanted to scream and throw a fit, but he couldn’t in such a sensitive environment. He calmed himself down for just long enough to freeze time again, so he could stumble into his private chambers.
Once there, he released his hold over time with a prolonged scream, followed by a series of obscenities that meant nothing outside of Guldo’s native tongue, but served as an excellent outlet for his steaming rage. He made a promise to himself, that he would kill Frieza, and make the Ginyus his underlings. He didn’t know how, but his determination was fierce, like nothing else he had ever felt in his life. Despite the impossibility of his goal, he saw Frieza’s death not as an ‘if’ but as only a matter of time.
Guldo was absentminded over the next few days. He spent most of his time pondering how he would bring about Frieza’s eventual death. His power level was far too low, so even if he got the drop on him by freezing time, he couldn’t do nearly enough damage to kill him before Frieza obliterated him with a single finger. Training was out of the question. Guldo refused to train, and even on the few occasions when he was forced to, he hardly got any results. Poisoning was a viable option, but he didn’t know anything about Frieza’s species, so a supposedly deadly poison could go down as easily as any other glass of wine for him.
Guldo was just about to give up, when he heard a knock on his door. He was greeted by the crimson face of Jeice, who didn’t seem to want to look directly at any of his four eyes.
“Hey, listen,” he said, scratching the back of his head, speaking in his usual reedy accent. “I know the Captain demoted you, and that’s a bummer...but if it makes you feel any better, I was against taking you off the team the whole time.”
Guldo simply glanced at him, before burying his gaze back into the space magazine he was reading.
“All I wanted to say was...just because you’re not part of the Ginyus anymore, doesn’t mean you can’t hang out like a Ginyu. The Captain and Burter are busy, and I never know what Recoome’s up to, but if you want we could always stop by a bar. I’ve heard some pretty good things about the Cybernetic Modification shop in this system too.”
Guldo perked up at the mention of mechanical augmentation. “That Cybernetics shop sounds...interesting.”
Jeice perked up as well, now that his former teammate was slightly less glum. “Great!” he said with a smile. “Want to do a two-man pose, for old times sake?”
Guldo grumbled a “no” as he got all of his money together.
“That’s fine!” Jeice said, trying to stay chipper. “My pose’ll be much better anyways, when I finally get myself that third arm.”
Guldo and Jeice arrived at the shop. While Jeice spent some time looking at the augmentations on display, and weighed the price of those against the money he had won betting against the other Ginyus, Guldo already knew exactly what he wanted. He walked right up to the counter, which was just a few inches taller than him, and looked up at the store owner, who was a large purple crustacean with fatherly eyes.
“Do you have any lung enhancements?” Guldo asked. “Something that would let you breathe without actually breathing?”
“Yeah, I think I have something like that,” the shopkeeper replied. “Why, is Frieza suddenly interested in water planets now? Ah, whatever.”
He stumbled into the back, and brought out what was allegedly a lung augmentation, but looked like a meaningless pile of wires and metal to Guldo.
“This’ll filter out air from the outside, pumping it directly into your lungs, no need to inhale. Perfect for underwater missions, low-air environments, the vacuum of space, poison gas…It comes with some air tanks and a mouth filter too if you need it.”
“Yeah, yeah, I’ll take it,” Guldo said, reaching up and standing on the tips of his toes to slide the money to the shopkeeper. Guldo had spent months pickpocketing the other soldiers while time was frozen for no other reason besides the fact that he could, so he was just able to afford it.
“Ah, piss!” Jeice shouted. “I’m just short for the friggin’ arm. How’s it going on your end, Guldo?”
“You can go back to the ship, this’ll probably take a while to install,” Guldo said, gazing up proudly at the lung augmentation.
Jeice nodded, returning to the ship, while Guldo disappeared into the back, to have the augmentations involved. He realized too late that the process of installing black-market implants could potentially be painful. By time this occurred to him, his chest was already split open, as the robotic parts were roughly crammed inside. The only buffet between him and total agony was an injection of shady anesthetic from the surgeon.
Fortunately, he didn’t feel the overwhelming pain of the operation for long, as the sight of his own exposed ribs was enough to make him faint.
When he awoke, he was greeted with the sight of the new implants attached to his chest. They were large, metallic protrusions that fitted themselves over where his lungs were, and small valves across its surface to let outside oxygen directly into Guldo’s lungs. There were tubes that connected to other implants, including a filtration device in his mouth, and a tank on his back, in case clean air wasn’t available.
“How is it?” the alien who had implanted them asked, giving one of the implants a firm poke.
“Does it hurt when I do this?” he asked. Guldo shook his head, still slightly dizzy from the operation. “Alright, the computer says your vitals are normal and the implants are pumping air directly into your lungs. Good luck with whatever planet Lord Frieza has his eyes on.”
Of course, a simple computer read and a prod to the chest wasn’t a sufficient test for whether or not the implants would serve Guldo’s purpose.
Guldo closed his mouth, and held his breath, and as usual, time ceased to move around him. However, he wasn’t feeling the usual tightness of chest and faint feeling that accompanied holding his breath, since the implants were diligently pumping air directly into his lungs, without the need for breathing. Apparently, to whatever arbitrary force decided that his time-freezing powers would only work while his breath was held, this was completely valid.
Guldo was overjoyed, and dizzy not just from the black-market anesthetic that still had yet to completely leave his system, but by the overwhelming possibilities this allowed for. Time stood still, and he was the only one who could move, the only one in control, and with his new implants, his powers were theoretically limitless. Even Lord Frieza himself would be no match for someone with unlimited power over time itself.
Guldo was practically skipping as he stood up from the operating table, time still frozen, surgeon still positioned over his body which was no longer there. Guldo slipped into the side room, and blew open the cash register with a small burst of ki, collecting all of the money he had paid for the operation, and a little extra for the road, cramming it into the pocket of his armor. On his way out, he snatched up the arm that Jeice had been eyeing, assuming that one of the doctors back on the ship would be able to implant it more artfully than Guldo’s surgeon.
Guldo unfroze time long enough for him to leave the market and return to the ship without the owner noticing.
Guldo walked the halls of the ship, feeling like a changed man. The other soldiers eyed Guldo’s new implants with curiosity, although none of them had any idea what they were for. Guldo made his way towards Jeice’s room to drop off the arm he had tucked carefully beneath his own arm. While he was walking, he would occasionally freeze time, for far longer than he could’ve dreamed of before. While time was frozen, he picked the soldier’s pockets, knocked food out of their hands, or wrote vulgar things on the inside of their scouters with a marker he had stolen, for no other reason than to give them an unpleasant surprise when the flow of time resumed.
Finally, he was at the door to Jeice’s room. The door slid open, and he dropped the third arm on the ground with an unceremonous thud.
“Ask one of the doctors to implant this, I’m on my way to kill L-. I’m on my way to kill Frieza.”
Guldo made sure to cut off the ‘lord’ part of Frieza’s title, as he felt he no longer had any reason to fear him, which meant he had no reason to respect him either.
“Ah, thanks a lot Guldo, I’ll have it put in when I-. Wait, what’d you say about Lord Friez-”
Guldo froze time at the perfect moment, right as Jeice’s face displayed the shock and confusion over Guldo’s statement the most prominently.
“There, that’s the face I hope Frieza makes when I tell him that he’s going to die,” Guldo said, staring delightedly at Jeice’s unmoving visage.
Guldo walked over to the door to Frieza’s chamber, and unfroze time as he reached it, leaving Jeice to ponder over what his friend had said, wondering if he had misheard.
Guldo took a deep breath before entering Frieza’s chamber, although he had no need for breath anymore. The doors slid open, to reveal the monstrously powerful emperor within.
Frieza turned around, swirling a glass of wine delicately, between fingers that could crush continents.
Frieza eyed Guldo curiously, fixating on his implants. Guldo, ironically, was the one frozen now, unable to think of what to say. He stayed silent just long enough to chip away at Frieza’s patience.
“Have you just come to show off your new mechanical parts to me, you toad?” Frieza said, becoming increasingly frustrated at the silent ex-Ginyu. “They’re rather unimpressive, but the concept of robotic enhancement intrigues me. Perhaps I should look into some upgrades for myself. My powers are still far above anyone else in the universe, but there’s no harm in a little insurance, is there?”
Frieza was now simply talking to himself, barely acknowledging Guldo’s presence at all.
Guldo took another deep breath, as sweat poured down his oily green skin.
“Frieza, I’ve come here to kill you!” Guldo said triumphantly, his voice mechanically distorted from behind his breathing filter.
Frieza cocked his head curiously for a second, before bursting out laughing, a horrid, taunting laugh, that was usually only heard by his victims, as they were incinerated along with their planet.
“Thank you, my mood’s been so dour lately, I’ve been in need of a good cheering up. You may be one of my weaker soldiers, but as a comedian, your skills are truly impressive.”
“I’m not joking,” Guldo said, beginning to assume a combat stance.
“I suspected you might not be,” Frieza said, putting his wineglass down on the nearby table. “Apparently I’d overestimated your comedic ability, just as you’ve overestimated your power in battle.”
Frieza raised his hand, with his two fingers pointed directly at Guldo’s heart.
“I don’t know what those pieces of scrap you’ve crammed into your flesh are for, but I can assure you, they won’t do anything to protect you against this. A worthless, insubordinate toad with a few bits of metal in it is still a worthless, insubordinate toad. I’m not sure what in the world-”
With the utterance of ‘the world,’ Guldo held his breath, and time was frozen. Frieza was in his same stance, ready to fire a death beam that would undoubtedly pierce Guldo and kill him instantly.
Now that time was frozen, and Guldo was safe from any immediate danger, all of the small amount of bravado he had shown before had faded away. He began to panick, and would’ve likely hyperventilated, if he didn’t have implants in place to prevent such a thing.
“What have I done?” Guldo said in an incredibly melodramatic voice, as nobody would be able to judge him for being as hysterical as he pleased.
“Even if he’s frozen in time, I can’t kill Lord Frieza! With a power level like mine, it’d take centuries!”
Guldo buried his head in his hands, stopping just short of openly weeping.
Then, he thought back to what Frieza had said, how he’d called him a worthless toad, and admitted that he saw no value in him as a warrior.
“N-no! I’m not going to be afraid anymore! You’ll be the one afraid of me! Everyone should be afraid of me! I’m the strongest in the universe! Even if it takes 1,000 years, I’ll make sure you wind up dead! Do you hear me, Frieza?”
Frieza, of course, could not hear him, as he was frozen in time, but Guldo’s impassioned speech was enough to motivate himself, and that was all that mattered.
Guldo attempting to kill Frieza was akin to a man trying to cut a tunnel through a mountain with his bare hands. Guldo unleashed a series of furious, full-powered ki blasts at the frozen Lord Frieza, but even with the slight boost in power level his cyborg parts provided, they were only able to shatter his armor, with no visible damage to the skin underneath.
Guldo couldn’t allow himself to be discouraged. It was just a matter of time, and time was something he had full power over. Waiting meant nothing to him anymore. He continued bombarding Frieza with the most powerful ki blasts he could muster, before waiting to recharge, so he could fire again. He tried to aim his blasts towards the same spot in Frieza’s body, the upper right part of his chest. He needed to take the occasional break, though, as even with time completely frozen, he still needed to eat and use the bathroom. Fortunately, the spaceship wasn’t short on toilets, and carried enough food rations to feed the entire army aboard the ship. Even if the food rations ran out, there was nothing stopping him from simply dining on the flesh of the countless soldiers aboard the ship. He was the only Bas in Frieza’s entire army, as far as he knew, so it technically wouldn’t be cannibalism. Despite the abundance of toilets, he would occasionally relieve himself inside Frieza’s wine glass, just for fun.
Eventually, Guldo’s continued efforts produced some actual results. He wasn’t sure how much time had passed, time was completely meaningless to him. It could’ve been weeks, it could’ve been months, but finally, Frieza’s chest bore a barely-noticeable scratch.
“Yes!” Guldo cried. “I know you can’t feel that Frieza, but someone finally hurt you! All I need is some more time, and that cut’ll get a lot bigger!”
Guldo continued his regular onslaught against Frieza’s body. He took a break to explore the ship, to see if there was anything that could help speed up the process of murdering Frieza. He didn’t find anything that could help, but he did locate Frieza’s secret stash of wine, and he helped himself to as much as he could stand. He loathed the taste, but he drank it more for symbolism’s sake than anything else.
Guldo knew that an unreasonable amount of time had passed. He was almost certain it had been more than a year, but the ever-growing punctures in Frieza’s skin served as the only encouragement he needed. He moved on from Frieza’s chest, and began to focus his blasts on other parts of Frieza’s body, until very little untarnished flesh was left.
Guldo had completely lost track of time. He could no longer tell the difference between a minute and a century. His only measure of progress, the only thing that changed, was Frieza’s body. He had finally made some real, significant damage to the tyrant. After countless assaults, Frieza’s body had been split clean down the middle, with his arms, chest, midsection, and face bearing some extremely deep, painful-looking wounds.
Guldo became obsessed with those wounds, wondering just how painful they might be. Guldo had promised himself not to unfreeze Lord Frieza until he was sure he was dead, but the opportunity was just too tempting.
Guldo took a breath, and time continued to move. Frieza was struck with an unbelievable wave of pain in an instant. Frieza was generally unfamiliar with pain. The only instances of injury he could remember was from his father and brother when he was much younger, and that was ages ago. So this, this onslaught of suffering was as alien as it was agonizing. And to see Guldo standing in front of him, before looking down to see his lower body and half of his intestines spilled out on the floor in a puddle of purple blood was a mix of surreal and harrowing.
Frieza wanted to let out a shriek of pain, but all he could muster was a whimper, as his lungs had suffered damage from Guldo’s eternity of ki blasts against his body. Since all of his injuries were caused while time was frozen, in Frieza’s mind, the space between him pointing his fingers at Guldo to effortlessly kill him and being split in two was nonexistent. Since Frieza was fairly delirious from the lack of blood, he was unable to put together that the combination of Guldo’s lung implants and his time-stopping powers were the reason for his sudden injuries, and his dying brain was forced to embrace the fact that Guldo must’ve been hiding some kind of terrifying power, to be able to bring Lord Frieza to the verge of death in an instant.
“Feel that, Frieza?” Guldo said, smiling smugly underneath his filter. “That was me. I did this to you.”
Guldo wanted Frieza to feel as pathetic and ashamed in what would be his final moments as possible. He thought up some absurd story in his mind, that the dying and confused Frieza would have no choice but to accept.
“You see, I was actually stronger than you the whole time! I was just hiding my powers, as a test, to see if you’d still respect me if I was weak. And you failed the test, so I had to kill you! You aren’t dealing with any ordinary creature, Frieza!”
“W-what are you?” Frieza said, coughing up a spray of violet blood.
“I’m the Legendary Super Bas, a fabled warrior of my race with unlimited power who only comes around every 1,000 years! And you had the misfortune of getting on my bad side!”
Guldo prepared to freeze time again, so he could finish Frieza off, but he didn’t have to. With one last wheezing cough, what was left of Frieza collapsed to the ground on top of the rest of his body parts. Normally, being split in two was a survivable wound for Frieza, at least, in his final form. In his first form, his regenerative powers were far weaker, and missing half of his organs was more than enough to spell his doom.
Guldo stood over Frieza’s body in a state of disbelief. Not sure what else to do, he sprinted out into the ship’s hallways, yelling “Hey, Frieza’s dead!”
The soldiers rushed into Frieza’s chambers, shocked at the sight of their former leader’s eviscerated body. It was inconceivable.
Guldo stood atop Frieza’s corpse, attempting not to slip in all the blood.
“And do you know who defeated this galactic tyrant? It was I, Guldo! He begged for mercy while he was on the verge of death, but I didn’t give it to him! And since Frieza died at my hands, that means I’m the new leader around here, and you all need to listen to what I say!” The crowd burst out laughing, with the exception of Jeice, who remained solemnly silent.
“Nice try, Guldo,” one of the soldiers said, a purple-skinned humanoid with a thick black beard.
“Get off of Lord Frieza’s corpse, and stop telling lies so we can find who really killed Lord Friez-”
Guldo froze time again, setting his sights on the doubtful soldier. His power level was much closer to Guldo’s than Frieza’s, so he wouldn’t need to try nearly as hard. Still, he wanted to make a show of it, so he severed each of his limbs with a ki blast, before standing triumphantly on Frieza’s corpse again.
Just as Frieza had gone from completely fine to on death’s doorstep in a mere instant in his mind, all the crowd of soldiers saw was one of their allies’ limbs spontaneously fly off in different directions without Guldo needing to move.
“Does anyone doubt my power now?” Guldo said.
The soldiers all dropped to one knee before their new Emperor.
From that day forward, Guldo was labeled the new Emperor of the universe, although there were still a few loose ends that remained. He still needed to meet with King Cold, who he had only heard of in whispered conversations before, and who the vast majority of the organization didn’t even know the existence of. Before he did, he used his newfound power to purchase and install even more robotic parts, of even higher quality, although his cheap, black-market lung implants still remained. The parts gave him quite a significant boost in power, which only served to make him more confident about his scheduled talk with Frieza’s father.
Cold was naturally furious over the death of his precious son, and refused to confirm Guldo as the new leader of the Planet Trade Organization, opting to kill him where he stood instead.
Of course, Guldo was prepared, and froze time before King Cold could kill him. He repeated the same process he used to kill Frieza. He wasn’t sure if it took longer because of King Cold’s immense power, which far surpassed his son, or shorter, because of the increase in power Guldo had received himself.
Either way, King Cold was dead once time unfroze, although he received a far less gory and more dignified death than his son. There were no more doubts about Guldo’s power now that he had destroyed both King Cold and Frieza. He was given all the power, resources, and territory of both, meaning that he had the entirety of the universe at his stubby fingertips.
He continued with his pattern of mechanical enhancements, although he spent Frieza’s vast fortune on less practical indulgences. He guzzled bottles of wine, which he had now begun to acquire a taste for, a day, and hired beautiful alien women to dance for him, who he was assured were the most beautiful in all of known space.
Jeice was named as his second-in-command, although in reality, his job consisted of doing anything that Guldo didn’t want to bother with, which was anything that wasn’t drinking and attempting to reach his short arms high enough to grope one of the dancer’s breasts. His third arm did allow him to sign paperwork for the organization especially fast, however.
Despite having unlimited power, Guldo still enjoyed exercising petty authority and testing out his powers. He would freeze time when his dancer’s bouncing breasts achieved the most pleasing positions, or he would make one of his soldiers erupt into an instantaneous geyser of blood.
But, even his unfettered hedonism began to grow dull. He’d spent a while in frozen time, so he wasn’t sure of his own age, but he knew that he was much older than he should’ve been, and he had spent more time in his ship and around the people who occupied it than he should’ve. Everything grew dull far too fast. Once his dancers ceased to amuse him, he had them taken away, and ordered their planets destroyed, only to order new ones, but those became boring too, once he had spent two years in suspended time groping them without their knowledge.
Guldo could feel himself slipping on the verge of insanity, although he couldn’t show weakness. He froze time, burying his head in his hands, having a sobbing fit of a breakdown that nobody could see.
“It’s not fair!” he shouted, throwing his body around like a child. “I got everything I’ve ever wanted, more than anyone’s ever had, and I’m still not happy! Everything looks the same and none of it entertains me anymore! I control the whole universe, every planet, every galaxy, and I’m bored with all of it! It’s not fair!”
Guldo heard a voice that was not his own, piercing through the silence of frozen time. Guldo was naturally terrified, as the only voice he should hear while time was frozen was his own.
He could see a single figure approach him, unaffected by Guldo’s time freeze, even while the people who surrounded him remained frozen.
He was an effeminate, blue-skinned man with a staff, who had a faint smile on his face. Although he wasn’t very intimidating on his own, something about him made a chill run up and down Guldo’s artificial spine, in addition to the fact that he was moving when he simply shouldn’t have been able to. Guldo hadn’t felt fear in a long time, and he reckoned he had never felt it this profoundly before either.
“Quite impressive for a mortal,” the man said, looking at the statuesque aliens that surrounded him.
He turned back to Guldo, and began to speak. “You said you were looking for a change, something to stimulate you? Well, what if I told you there were entirely different worlds out there, full of things you simply can’t imagine without seeing them first? Take my hand, and I’ll show you.”
The angelic man extended his hand, and against his better judgement, Guldo grasped it.
Whis did as he had promised, taking Guldo out of his universe, although, he didn’t plan on taking him out of his natural timeline simply to entertain a spoiled emperor.
While Whis sailed through time and space with Guldo’s hand in his, he made a mental note to wash his hands, as he couldn’t even begin to imagine where Guldo’s filthy palms had been.