I don't think they can.
This was an oddball story idea created by Scorpionic. He thought up a series of story ideas, some one-shots, some multi-chapter stories, some serious, some silly. I was pretty adamant that I wanted to do a silly story as my first one with Trabzin to get a sense of how good of a writer he is. So this is the one we decided to write about.
We spent a good deal of time talking over what we were going to write about, despite almost all of my stuff being improvised. Trabzin and I mostly did not talk between sections, however. We discussed the story for the most part before it was begun, and then after it was begun, we just did our sections until the end and that was it.
Anyways, this is a pretty short story. Trabzin and I wrote it over a few days very quickly. We wrote extended sections apiece, though our sections grew shorter as the story grew longer, for some reason. Usually the opposite happens.
There's not a lot to say up here, I think. This is basically a Baby You're a Rich Man style story, although I'm not sure Trabz ever realized that was the case in his sections. It's not exactly a byarm though so it's not part of that collection.
I really liked the story idea, as I thought it allowed us to go in many different directions. We ended up going down a pretty normal road, at least in Trabzin's sections, with a standard hunt of the bad guy, ending with the detectives winning and everybody cumming. Wonderful.
I will be mostly commenting on my own contributions. I was high during all of my writing, and I don't remember what I wrote, so we'll talk about this stuff after the endnotes. I don't expect to have a ton to say about this story, though.
Story[edit | edit source]
The stuff that I wrote is in bold.
The Galactic Patrol had busted many drug operations over the years. One in particular was the Galactic Heroin Cartel started by some ex-soldiers of Frieza. However, the patrol was a bit short on money. Ever since the Anarcho Capitalists took over Planet Gwilja, other planets have experimented with Anarcho Capitalism as well. Those on Planet Gwilja declared that taxation is theft and they would no longer tolerate paying for “statist oppression.” Jaco was sent to Planet Gwilja, which was a violation of the NAP (Non-Aggression Principle) per se. Jaco, however, knew this. What the Gwiljans did not know, however, was that everyone was always going to break the NAP anyway. They couldn’t be reasoned with anyway but the Galactic King insisted upon sending Jaco to the planet. And now it is here that our story begins…
Jaco got out of his ship. As far as the eye could see, there were slums and general shitholes on the wretched planet. There were even miles of cardboard because of all the cardboard shack towns. But in the far distance there was a large tower where screams could be heard from. It was a gulag for people who bought Nintendo products instead of Sony. At the top of the tower was a black and yellow flag.
“This place is really something. But it is mostly a shithole.” Jaco said.
Out of nowhere, fat neckbeard men jumped Jaco.
“You violated the NAP, man! We’re going to fuck you up!”
Jaco jumped backwards when a fedora wearing nerd tried to stab him with a switchblade. The man was knocked out by a swift kick to the face. There were two of them left. The fattest neckbeard fled on his hoverboard but he fell down while Jaco dodged shots from an AK-47 by the neckbeard who was chanting that taxation was theft. The neckbeard was tripped by Jaco, who accidentally killed him because the man was impaled on a spike. Even Mr. Satan would wreck those guys. Hell, even Upa as a kid could.
After he had violated the NAP, Jaco continued to tread on the planet that was the paradise of wacky people who think a 1790s Minarchist government is equivalent to the USSR.
As Jaco walked into a town of cardboard shacks, he was shot at for violating the NAP. He ran as bullets continued to be fired at him. He was really getting tired of this shit, so he took out his ray gun and pulverized several of the shacks where the gunfire had come from. In one of the shacks, two men argued about whether or not it was a violation against them that their neighbors had been attacked. One of them said that Jaco had defended himself and technically hadn’t violated the NAP because he didn’t even go in their shacks.
“You violated the NAP!” Yelled a man in a business suit and glasses who wore a fedora and had a machine gun.
“Shit.” Jaco said.
As the man shot at Jaco, he backflipped and dodged every single bullet. He managed to punch and deflect one while it was in mid-air. Two of the bullets hit him but all they did was cause bruises. Jaco kicked the man so hard that his fedora and glasses fell off, his machine gun shattered, and the man was sent into the tower from far away---where the AnCap flag was.
Realizing he had truly violated the NAP this time, Jaco witnessed a helicopter fly over. This time there were no bullets but it vaporized the entire town with a laser beam when it missed Jaco. Now visibly annoyed, Jaco shot the helicopter down with his ray gun. Henchmen of the local warlord jumped out of the fallen helicopter and attacked Jaco with ray guns. Hiding behind a rock, Jaco would shoot at them when they least expected. However, the rock was destroyed and Jaco was struck with some of their rays as well. Sent back several feet, Jaco dropped the ray gun he had been holding.
Getting back on his feet, Jaco ran at the henchmen and aggressively attacked them, disarming them of their ray guns and paralyzing them with pressure point attacks. He then ran to the tower as fast as he could while thinking of a way he could convince the local warlord to give him money for the patrol.
However, Jaco got a call on his communication device. He reluctantly answered it and a hologram of the Galactic King appeared while Jaco ducked and took cover as henchmen napalmed an area.
“Hello. Jaco? You didn’t need to go to Gwilja. We were funded by the Capsule Corp. You are free to come back to base.”
“Good.” Jaco said.
Deciding that the whole thing was a waste of time, Jaco managed to run back to his ship and outrun the henchmen, evading their blasts. He got in his ship and blasted off back into space. He pressed some controls to put the ship in autopilot while he went to the back and prepared himself some instant ramen. He sprinkled some herbs and spices into it, put some shrimp in it, and stirred it up.
Jaco landed on one of the patrol’s many bases, not long after he finished his instant ramen. It was a pyramid shaped building on an asteroid but he had to pass through the hologram shield of the base with a security code before he got through. He parked his ship in the garage and got out.
Saluted by a patrolman who was a member of Appule’s race, Jaco saluted back.
“How was Gwilja?”
“It was shitty.”
Some other patrolmen were getting back from their missions. There was one who looked like a fish in a jar supported by a robot suit. Another was a robotic spider. The weirdest one was a man with four arms, three legs, and ten eyes. But other than that, the man looked Human.
The Appule’s race patrolman turned to look at Jaco again. “Your next assignment is apparently on Yardrat. But I am also assigned to come with you.”
“Okay. Come with me then, Strabbary.”
Jaco did not like Strabbary that much. Not because he was Appule’s race but because he was overall a dumbass. Guy would have diarrhea in the patrol’s headquarters and not clean it up, make a mess at the bathroom sink and not wipe it up, and never clear his history when he was using the internet on his panel at base. Strabbary always accused Jaco of being a horrible bigot Nazi, etc, and other buzzwords. All because he didn’t seem to like Strabbary that much. And Strabbary knew it. He would assume it was because he was Appule’s race, but that was not it. He was just a dumbass and no one liked him. He made stupid excuses.
Jaco and Strabbary got in the ship. He hated for Strabbary to be in ship because he smelled bad. But the thing was, Strabbary didn’t even have his own ship. He was kind of a freeloader.
He didn’t much like talking to Strabbary but he had to ask what the mission was.
“What is the mission about?”
“Some drug bust on Yardrat.”
The two did not talk at all after that, as Jaco just focused on driving through asteroid fields. He was flying to Yardrat.
wjat the fuk ideas aint anything ideas aint nothing
if the puse aint wet bitch aint tryin” strabbery hollered
“U fuckin cuck what kinda bitch gets a stiffy to a couple of lesbians”
“Theyre not just elsbstina theyre space monkeys from another universe!!” strabbery hollered
“Bitch look like goku yo”
“Holla hold up bitch look like vegeta yo”
“Nah she look like gohan smoking all dat] “]=-0o=
It was the middle of December, and Jaco was wondering if this was a good time to end it. The fourteenth sun of Planet Yardrat was coming up fast comin up hot yo ningen how about dat heat
but not even two people did and Jaco wondered if he veered his space ship into the sun would strabbery have time to relieve himself before they were burned to a crisp.
Now Jaco liked crisps and it is by Jaco’s very nature to be overindulgent as his many picnic retreats with the colonel could attest to but that is neither here nor there and in fact will never be mentioned again. Strabbery’s erection was a most unpleasant sight for Jaco, who despised this piece of Strabbery most of all yet seemed to be one of strabberys most wonderful and amazin trats but also his trait that jaco thinks is strabberys worst trait and its like that for every part of strabbery really its hard to tell sometimes you
‘Rodeo runner out hop on”
“Hop on rodeo runner out hop on”
A new voice came on on the space radio frequency. “Alright, Birta here. Hoppin’ on boys.”
“Alright,” replied Jaco, in reply.
“Alright,” replied Strabbery as well, his coming just a little bit later, as it always seem to be with him sometimes jaco thought strabbery didnt even like waffles for real
“What size the honeys darlin” starbry said real gentle real cool now real nice, he was after all a gentleman and a scholar and he had read up that if you compliment a females breasts they will instantly fall in love with u. His plan reminded Jaco of a nazi he’d once met whom he’d called a nazi and then afterwards that nazi had agreed that he was a nazi. Such things inevitably happen on roadtrips with strabbery.
“Me mam and me uncle alberta sherriwinkle,” starts Birta very smoothly as if this is not her first time on the channel, “went to see this lady called xibalba”
“Yea over and out” JAco said plainly.
“Holla” holla’d strabbery.
It was at this moment that Jaco found it imperative to re-engage with Strabbery and bring out aspects of his personality in a pleasant, peaceful, natural, perfectly logical string of interwoven conversations that on the surface may appear to be wholly topical and unrelated to one another, but in reality are working quite diligently and with absolute care to bring forth the nuances and flavors of Strabbery’s commendable personality. “Whyda like these two”
“That one is Oneesan I named her after my last child,” strabray explained, and that one’s superfood,” he explained, eating spilled butter ppcorn oafl.over his fingers and shit was going down his galactic patrolman trousers “ah jaco clean it up clean it up me hands r filthy”
It was true that if Strabbery was, his hands were filthy. Jaco pulled out a napkin from the glove compartment where he kept all of his napkins. This one had on it a sexy pic of mr. sexy himself mr. king of the galaxy mr. galactic king the squid man in tight-fighting school-girl lingerie like I like to wear, only he was wearing a pair of panties cuz jaco didnt know what went on down there jafeel me but i dun like to have the panties on with the skirt it just obscures the view
At the local level galactic patrolmen thought king sludgemaam 8 arms himself had at least three or so tentacles that smelled like sulfur and come to think of it
“Why do you have this picture?” Asked Strabbery.
“Oh fuck. I think the last guy I was on a mission with put that there.”
“You’re a liar. You like the king don’t you?”
Jaco’s ship soon landed on Yardrat, passing through the upper atmosphere and eventually descending down below into a city. The ship parked on top of a building. They were in a metropolis and the sky on Yardrat was yellow.
Jaco took a moment to look at the mission memo and saw what they were supposed to do. Apparently, a Yardrat named Yaki was the leader of some cartel. They were selling many drugs and had bribed the government of the planet. They sold space heroin, galactic kush, and steroid plants. The steroid plants were herbs that had the same effects of steroids and could make you super strong. Sometimes the Supreme Kai of Universe 9, Roh, bought some drugs from the Yardrats when he visited Universe 7. But the Galactic Patrol did not know that.
Jaco and Strabbary were assigned to look for Yaki and bust his drug operation.
Jaco was hungry but he did not want to eat anywhere with Strabbary because Strabbary always made him lose his appetite. He jumped off of the building the ship had landed on and landed in a marketplace below like Iron Man. Yardrats passing by seemed shocked. They all looked the same too. Like Namekians, there didn’t seem to be any female Yardrats. Most Yardrats were pink skinned and bald with blue spots on their heads and yellow eyes. Some had whiskers. Also, most of them wore the same stupid outfits so they did look identical.
Strabbary jumped and landed on a street vendor’s shop, knocking his stand over.
“What the fuck?!”
Strabbary had pissed off the Yardrat street vendor, who was pointing at him and yelling.
“WHY DID YOU DO THAT?!”
Jaco acted like he didn’t know Strabbary even though he was the only other one besides him on the planet who wore a Galactic Patrol uniform. He just walked away and went into an alleyway, where he looked at some holograms for the mission assignment.
Strabbary got up and had alien food all over him from when he fell into the vendor’s shop. One of the Yardrats in the marketplace had a scouter and detected his power level.
“450? Must be broken.”
Strabbary turned around to face the Yardrat with the scouter.
“Who are you calling weak, fuckface?” Strabbary said.
Strabbary did some stupid poses and declared he was a member of the Galactic Patrol. He didn’t even realize Jaco had ditched him.
The Yardrat with the scouter was getting really sick of Strabbary’s crap. He punched him in the face and sent him into some boxes which were smashed by the impact. As soon as Strabbary got up, he was pushed down again by the Yardrat and beaten.
“What are you going to do now, Mister Galactic Patrolman? Huh? What you gonna do now?”
Strabbary pushed the Yardrat off of him. He then punched the Yardrat away.
The Yardrat detected Strabbary’s power again. “Huh? It rose to 500! That cannot be right at all.”
The tables turned and the Yardrat’s ass got kicked by Strabbary. Soon after, he fled.
“Wait til Yaki hears of this one.” The Yardrat quietly said to himself.
Jaco heard all of the commotion and decided it’d be best to wear a disguise on this planet so they didn’t know he was a Patrolman while he was investigating. He pressed a button on his wrist watch and morphed into a Yardrat.
Disguised as a Yardrat, Jaco went into a bar.
Some Yardrats were walking on the ceiling and dancing, which Jaco found odd.
“How can I help ya sir?” The Yardrat bartender asked.
“Got any of that good stuff?”
“What do you mean?”
“Some of that space heroin, man. I need some.”
The space bartender smiled warmly and pulled out a fresh bag “oh thank hfil you came this is all the space heroin I have.”
“Keep the change,” jaco replied, blasting him in the face with his laser gun. “Yo strabbery i found the hero-”
But strabbery was straddling a fancily dressed Yardrat businessman with extra whiskers and greenish skin whispering sweet nothings in his ear. Strabbery liked it when lesbians did a lick down the puse all the way over the booty hole and in. Strabbery was one of those usual homosexual aliens who only liked lesbians because of how little they reminded him of women.
“Hey Yaki boy hows that batch eh rich as a space-badgers cunny eh
Wolf fang fist ed into the mirro.“Fuck there arent any female yardrats!!” and he blasted him to smithereree
“Thats ok sir,” replied his second in command, Miss Harasa the yardrat with a pun for a name was very studious in her work and i wonder if hz made the mrovians so asexual and impotent because he had no idea what real sex feels like i cant look at them n say yo fuck my puse and then be all yo we dont have mouths and our faces look weird and we’re made out of clay. “One time when i was alive i saw the Dodoria’s genitalia, and let me tell you sir that was
“It was a pleasure ur honor,” the servant cut in. “Would my lord like to hear me recount it?” he did a little jump and dropped his glass of space milk on the rug. That was all it took for Yaki to split into a million fucks
Yaki the Yardrat liked to snort heroin off of used condoms, it was how he came to be a universe-famous space heroin dealer and also he really liked to do heroin every day if he could but some days he was like naaah not today and did space crack instead of his usual beloved. Yaki’s prized possession was his crack pipe, which to any ordinary dinosaur man would look like a regular space crack pipe but in fact like the ice cream my father likes to store in the freezer like a collection with the limited edition stickers on them, jaco often thought that if he were ever to do a drug, space methamphetamines for sure he heard once that it gets your vagina really moist just cuz
“Spaaaace methamphetamines, thats the drug for me, im gettin my whole family involved!!”
bitch u aint got a family no more u ate em member cuzz
ups, aheuh,” laughed Strabbary pleasantly, trying to get involved. “When I was a recruit I used to smuggle space acid to dodoria’s room all the time he lives on that shit like zarbon does on space cock
Everyone already knowing that, not even 1 giggle in my gums it was v. sad
“Its not gay if it comes from space,” Elder Ramen agreed. “Case dismissed ur free to never come back to our planet agai
“What a minute that doesnt sound like the galactic patrol that sounds like-”
STrabbery jumped into the air, kicking three yardrats into a fruit stand. “Look at this shit, look at all this shit it’s got in its pocketses.” the fear poured out all over jaco’s fancy boots some of the dust got in his socks and now of course he could
“Bitch i know where that yaki guy is pls dun repossess me pls,” he sobbed, falling at the elder Yardrat’s ugly as fuck knees that looked like a couple of loose clams.
“Hello Jaco,” Strabbery said, shaking Jaco’s hand. “Let’s eat some space yardrat ramen pls come on it’s nearly lunch break pls”
“Ok if it’ll shut ur bitch ass up” Jaco agreed.
Strabbery did indeed get shut up, and five days later he died of complications related to his backed up booty pipe. There was no funeral service held for obvious reasons. The Galactic King did feel the need to give a moderate speech, however, the day after the incident, calling all recruits and patrolmen into his office so he could sing them a song he’d written on guitar. Now, imagine the Galactic King was 16 years old and routinely asked every intern he bumped into for a quick succ in the locker room. Naturally this juicy bit of gossip had spread from Planet Tech-Tech to Jeiri and even to the farthest light, but only if you can turn into space narwhals and swim the empty desolation back home when ur a fuckin sophomore fgt u aint cool kakkokunakute and makin everyone listen to ur shitty song with cringe lyrics and a voice that would be difficult to cum to despite being male.
Yaki was best friends with a drug addict named Tori. Tori once had a mattress fall on him from such great heights that he fuckin died man. Yaki liked to fuck Tori but never vice versa and they could only do it while instant transmissioning inside each other or they couldn’t cum
“Space heroin is ok and kids remember, drugs are only a gateway drug,” he explained to his Yardrat lackeys who were loyal men, good and true, thick-necked northern stalk like my granddaddy’s side and my great granddaddy on my papas side was a nazi and it just goes to show you that sometimes you meet nazis in life and sometimes they meet u on the innernette thats where i learned i dun have to live with my gag reflex i can work through it and become enlightened which as buddha always said one grain of rice a day and ur fuckin dead in a week u stupid fuck.
Jaco and Strabbary left the bar.
“Strabbary, you should wear a disguise too.” Jaco said.
Strabbary pressed a button on his wrist watch and became one ugly ass Yardrat wearing sunglasses.
“That is okay I guess.” Said Jaco.
“Let’s go eat.” Said Strabbary.
Jaco and Strabbary went to the ramen shop a few blocks away.
Everyone at the shop were Yardrats so they didn’t get any funny looks since Jaco and Strabbary were disguised as Yardrats.
Jaco ordered ramen for himself and Strabbary, reluctantly. They sat at the bar at the noodle shop.
“Can I get ya fellers anything to drink?” The Yardrat bartender asked.
“Yeah, I’ll take some space juice.” Jaco said.
“Nothin for me. I just want some good broth with my noodles.” Strabbary said.
Jaco sighed as some people stared at Strabbary.
A suspicious Yardrat in a black cloak was in an alleyway, looking at Jaco and Strabbary. He was speaking into some communication device.
“I saw one of the guys at the ramen shop transform---like, disguise, into a Yardrat. I’m positive he was a Galactic Patrolman. He came out of the bar, interrogated some people I think.” Said the Yardrat.
“Oh fuck, this isn’t good at all.” Said Yaki, speaking on the other end.
“Baby one niner out delta succy sucky over and spshsshshshhshhss,” the Yardrat said very seriously, adjusting his scrotum just slightly, but with the careful precision of someone who’s owned a scrote for a fornight+
“Bitch.” Said strabbery.
“Yo, the fuck. U ded.” Said Soba.
In the olden days jaco had once tried to choke himself out but all he learned fro that was that he had an auto asphyxiation fetish he liked to hang himself because when he did it reminded him of his pathetic life which was in no uncertain terms being revealed in a very obtuse and awkward way in this story
“Its auto” herredy cumm
8====================================================B17:17, July 29, 2017 (UTC)17:17, July 29, 2017 (UTC) %Ozymandias22
Kidvegeta just made an obscure reference that no one but him gets and its really funny isnt it fuckin like just makin jokes to make urself laugh and no one else wiill get it well don scrub
One time I was all えっと様のきぶんがこわそうだとおもう
“Bitch what the fuck thats not even funny ur making in jokes that no one except for urself who is also a super elite like myself and smdh” jaco.
Cooked soba = yakisoba. A mistaken coincidence ye
Jaco was all like hold up camera man u catchin this u got this and camera man nodded ive always wondered whether thos camera dudes in the pornos get boens like when they filmin a guy succin another guy r they aroused surely they are theyre only human but how can they remain so proffessional zoomed it
“Every porn I saw had 2 minutes of useless build up,” starby scoffed. “I didnt cum here to learn that the bottom was a fuckin pizza delivery man
“Niqqa u ghey af” Jaco retorted, killing straberry in the mouth .”ur answers imply that all u watch is 2 dudes porn wheres the het yo u gotta appeal to mass audiences.”
Jaco was still months away (optimistically) from $80 store credit
kinda bullshit that thats all they give u for fuckin designing an amazing silicone penis to mate with for them
Yaki once lended his exotic special edition sharky girl portside fuck hole to a friend. It s a little hole of silicone u ease ur dicc into and then one time u cum and its impotentfuck like one time I gave my friend mr. q the Q boi 3 fleshlights and he fuckin fucked a few of them and then his parents independantly discovered fleshligths and were all “yo thats lame whod fuck a fake puse” and my friend never fucced my fake puse again. It was a little sad but not unexpected haha things r usually like that for me.
“Strabbery that’s disgusting how dare u be so open with me,” Jaco sounded horrified, almost as if he didn’t know the proper grammar for dialogue,
Fitzgerald Yaki’s first lieutenant. I only know how to spell that word because it’s HZ’s rank in terms of obliviousness. If HZ were any more oblivious, he’d be oone a yhjosek, little pirhanna fuckers who swims up ur urethra and I think about that all the time i dont know why its not supposed to be that way ya know and jac was all “ya heres a tangential quote put it on the infomercials yo”
It was really nice of him to be so forthcoming, but if Strabbery wserkl, theres no one but fuckton and I try to fap to dudes just showin off their muscles but its like yo what makes my peepee go real longn is another peen why teh fuck am i so fucked
Though Jaco and Strabbary were disguised as Yardrats, they still seemed a bit out of place and were stared at by the other Yardrats at the noodle shop.
“The hell you looking at?” Jaco said to a Yardrat.
“Nothing.” A Yardrat said, turning his head away.
Jaco and Strabbary ate their ramen. After they were done and about to leave, two Yardrats in ninja outfits appeared out of nowhere behind the bar counter.
Jaco recognized the technique. It was instant transmission.
Suddenly, the Yardrats in ninja outfits zapped Jaco and Strabbary with lightning. This caused the two of them to lose their Yardrat disguises and revert to their normal selves. Their watches had been destroyed.
“Fuck! I just bought that watch.” Strabbary said. “I can’t afford a new one.”
Some customers ran away from the shop but two stayed there and stared. They were shocked. They saw Jaco and Strabbary’s true forms. They had never known of shape-shifting technology before.
“Well, well. What do we have here?” Said one of the ninjas.
“Looks like we got ourselves some Galactic Patrolmen.” Said the other ninja.
“You can’t go threatening my customers like that! Get out of here!” Said a Yardrat at the shop, behind the counter.
“Oh yeah? Or what, old man?” Said a ninja.
The Yardrat used instant transmission to appear from above and drop kick a ninja to the ground.
“Bad move.” Said the other ninja, as he threw a shuriken at the Yardrat.
The shuriken was deflected by a blast from Strabbary’s ray gun.
Jaco then jumped over the counter and punched the ninja in the gut.
The other ninja got up and rammed a katana through the Yardrat that drop kicked him earlier.
Strabbary jumped behind the ninja who had just killed the random Yardrat. He shoved a huge dildo up his ass from behind, damaging his internal organs.
After this, Strabbary used a cannon blaster to destroy the ninja’s head, killing him.
Jaco body slammed the ninja. “Alright, fucker. Who do you work for?!”
“You don’t want to end up like your friend over there, do you? Horse fucked by a giant dildo?”
“Please. Anything but that.” Said the ninja.
“Then answer our fucking questions. Do you work for Yaki?”
The ninja was silent and sweating profusely.
“Well, do you?” Strabbary said, threatening the ninja with the big dildo.
“Yes. Yes, I do.” The ninja said. “But there is no point in telling you anything now.”
“Why is that?” Jaco asked.
“Because you won’t need any information if you’re going to die!” The ninja said as a beeping sound could be heard.
Jaco and Strabbary realized the ninja was going to self destruct. They saw a timer on his chest and they immediately jumped over the counter and ran as the building exploded. The ninja was destroyed along with it.
The ramen shop was nothing but fiery rubble now, as was the building next to it. Fire sirens were heard soon after and two Yardrats in red uniforms with sirens on their heads were flying to the scene. Jaco pressed a button on his belt and so he and Strabbary were warped to another location on Yardrat.
They were outside of a Yardrat book store.
“Knew this girl back in strabry,” STrabbery said “she was a yardrat, ya know, big tits and face that needs cummin on yo”
“I dont believe you your a fgt” Jaco explained. “Besides female yardrat are a myth”
“hey have squid feeler puses”
“What does that mean?” Jaco asked for the sake of the audience.
It was no less than noon out, and Yaki thought this was as good a time as any to perform a secret drug exchange with a client from Universe 10. “Puses hot get em while theyre wet,” he said, pushing his frozen puse trolley down the road, not looking conspicious at all. That was when mr. Gowasu the Supreme Kai came hobbling over. He was wearing green sunglasses and a fake mohawk and pushing a walker like a fuckin puse but he just wanted to get some puse jafeel me sometimes even when u a puse u like that hard fuckin. Gowasu knew all too well what it was like to be the hole vs being the poke. bein the poke is weird cuz im not used to it usually im the pokee i like that more but a good poke every now and then cant be too bad the boens dont lie azn puse 4 life and such.
ok kids space heroin is no joke you cant laugh about this ppl die all the time like one tiem gowasu hired this hooker her name was Miyasaki Utomamo Momiji Kuuko. Gowasu was an old man so to get him hard it took hours his prescription for space viagra had expired months ago and sometimes its like why the fuck do i gotta renew that shit im the god of this world
Anyways the problem with Miyasaki was that her puse puse was covered in a forest of adultness and gowasu was too old for that shit ya know like sometimes u just want a clean entry some say that hair = masculinity but thats more like muscles and theres nothing gayer than fapping to broly’s ass when his dick’s not even in the pic like ok i can understand fapping to a penis cuz that’s easy anyoen can do that it takes some real faggotry to be able to fap to em when u cant even see the goods
a big muscly butt makes some men cum i wish i understood such a deep level of gayness but i never will nya
“Oh and hello thank you for valuable customer service oh look ur my 1000000 customer” Yaki threw confetti in Gowasu’s face. The sneak attack cost Gowasu dearly and he had to get home asap.
“Thanks man ive never met before i will take this prize and use it well” He grabbed Yaki by the puse and it was a big white bag curled up. One time I was walking my friend’s dog with him and we went down to the pier since it was almost midnight no one was around except two cars that came by and parked on opposite sides of the road when we was walking by and a guy jumped out and ran to the other car and when he came back he had a huge bag in his hands. I wonder how muc hhe paid for that heroin i was so scared they were gonna shoot us cuz we witnessed that shit so clearly and they saw us but regardless I can’t imagine the last time anyone put gowasu’s balls in their mouth those things must be stretched to all fuck.
“Wait a miinute thats illegal!” Jaco screamed, running int othe bookstore. Strabbery was fingering himself a little, thinking about that earlier bit about Broly. Man, to think that once upon a time there was a kid who was all innocent and shit and just loved DBZ and was just a fan and regular and not messed up at all and now hes cummin to the thought of brolys perfect ass gotta fuck the shit outta that and such fapping to the manliest parts of a man, and his muscles are a bonus, not a take away, that’s just crazy yo how could a male be created to be sexually interested in that stuff. biologically it’s nonsensical for a dude to be so into muscles like that but thats whats so hot about it yo i dun undersand it. Millions like that, and this is just as weird to me, if not more so, than Vegeta having sex with Bulma. Sometimes i wish i could be as gay as that kid but thats just crazy talk yo ill never be that gay and neither will gowasu cuz Miyasaki wore womens clothes and thats all that matters
As Jaco had witnessed Yaki selling drugs, he ran into the bookstore where Gowasu had been sold the drugs.
“Oh shit.” Yaki said, pulling out a large ray gun. “Move and you’re dead. I killed a Namekian warrior with this thing.”
Gowasu was nowhere to be seen as he had supposedly teleported away, and Strabbary had followed Jaco into the store. The bookstore appeared to be a front for Yaki’s drug cartel and there were hardly any customers (aside from Gowasu).
“Hey Jaco, what’s up---”
“Shut the fuck up! Move and you’re dead!” Said Yaki, moving the gun over to Strabbary.
When Yaki was distracted, Jaco rushed in and kicked him across the face.
Yaki was sent sprawling backwards and knocked over a bookshelf. Books fell out but various drugs including cocaine also did. Jaco picked up Yaki’s ray gun.
“You’re under arrest, motherfucker, on behalf of orders by the Galactic King!”
“King? Nigga, he ain’t no king. Frieza whooped his bitch ass way back when.”
Jaco kept his eye on Yaki. “Strabbary, tie him up.”
“Kinky.” Said Strabbary.
“Really? You’re going to joke around right now?”
Yaki used the instant transmission to appear behind Jaco but then Strabbary body slammed Yaki.
Jaco tasered Yaki while Strabbary held him down. The weakened Yaki was tied up with energy ropes.
But as soon as this happened, a man appeared with several guards in the bookstore.
“Did you really think it would be that easy?” Said a Yardrat cop.
“Yaki was a pawn in this. He wasn’t the mastermind. Guy is a dumbass.” Said a Yardrat cop who was eating a donut.
The corrupt police on Yardrat were really behind the drug cartel, Yaki was just a pawn who worked for them.
Jaco threw a flash grenade and escaped with Strabbary and Yaki. The stunned Yardrat police couldn’t catch up.
They ran out of the bookstore and Jaco knew he would be followed. He shouted into his communication device.
“Yaki was a pawn working for Yardrat’s corrupt police! The police are after me! Send reinforcements!”
A Galactic Patrolman on the other end replied. “Reinforcements coming, sir.”
A Yardrat cop appeared via instant transmission and killed Yaki with a ray gun.
“We would have imprisoned him but then he would have spread the truth to the public.”
“You bastard!” Jaco said.
Two Yardrat cops appeared and punched Jaco, sending him into a dumpster.
“Look! Hentai!” Said Strabbary.
Strabbary then roundhouse kicked a distracted and gullible cop in the head.
Three Galactic Patrol ships flew into Yardrat’s atmosphere.
A missile was fired at the HQ of Yardrat’s police, causing a large explosion.
“What the fuck?!” A Yardrat cop said.
“I guess the reinforcements did arrive.” Jaco said, getting out of the dumpster. He found some porn in the dumpster but it wasn’t good so he threw it back in.
“This is such a Shonen manga asspull.” Strabbary said.
“I did it i killed hundreds of innocent civilians”
strabby givesm a reacharound
fuk uwan . . Oneesan!! Superfood cried.
“Fuc thats hot” Strabberys fingers “cry bitch thats what gets me off”
“I didnt know u were a lesbian strabz”
“Yea homey im straight puse puse”
“Fucck u i thot i cud
bich u thot wrong
but even jaco had to admit a good clit lickin was nice
“Shes the kind that doesnt want to ever give a lick back i know them bitches they worse than dabura yo”
“Niqqa dont go namedroppin me ill
Strabery blew jacos head off he always wanted to know what it tasted like
“Thats pretty gay yo” yakisoba grunted from the shadows “she just wants a puse lik the puse theres no reason its 2 gay for me im out of here”
He commited suicide all over the pavement and this also got Strabbery hard but not as hard as it makes tun too bad broly wasn there eitherv this couldve tkbeen a very sexy and hot lesbian scene but
Three Galactic Patrolmen jumped out of their ships and began fighting the Yardrat cops.
Jaco and Strabbary joined in, knocking down some of their corrupt foes.
Not all of the cops could use instant transmission and they weren’t good enough to take on the elites of the Galactic Patrol.
When one cop tried instant transmission behind a patrolman, he was backfisted and sent into a building.
Eventually there was only one Yardrat cop left.
Jaco and Strabbary along with the patrolmen named Burf, Dup, and Kwaith, surrounded the Yardrat cop.
“Poor little Yardrat.” Burf said.
“That is the title of the movie you’ll star in.” Dup said.
“Fuck you!” The Yardrat said, self destructing himself.
Burf and Dup were killed but Jaco, Strabbay, and Kwaith had survived the explosion.
“Well, we defeated all of them. I converted the ones who are still alive into energy. They will be imprisoned in another dimension.” Said Kwaith.
“That’s all good, I guess. We stopped Yaki and his lecherous crime cartel.”
“Excuse me?” Kwaith said.
“Nothing. Just sounded like it could go into a title. Maybe.” Jaco said.
Endnotes[edit | edit source]
- Trabzin named this story after we finished writing it. He came up with a list of names and I told him this one was my favorite one because it's the best name for a byarm-like story yo.
- Trabzin got way more political way quicker than I thought he would. His opening section surprised me in its formality, I suppose.
- "wjat the fuk ideas aint anything ideas aint nothing" - this is all i shoulda written for this collab.
- So yeah, I was like, I guess, in a totally different mindset than Trabzin. I read his whole first section and was patiently waiting for a joke, and when none came, my section necessarily collapsed, structurally, in response.
- I think I talked with TUN about masturbating to lesbians and how it's cuckish to do so. Well, to be entirely honest, I don't remember if he said that or if I even had that convo with him, but if we did have that convo, he's fuckin dumb, just saiyan.
- Man, that goku song just won't die. I think I worked references to it in here cleverly, but that's just me.
- The fact that Yardrat has 14 suns in this story clearly makes its canon status tenuous in my eyes, but only just a little, and I don't want to use language that is too direct or forceful. I'm a good KV and when I write essays about Beowulf, I don't give a fuck about Beowulf.
- So the Colonel is from another story of mine: A Quest for Booty. I kinda hate that joke now, though. I don't know, it just doesn't hold up, I think. You have to know who he is, you have to picture the kind of man he is, how he's dressed, and I've left no clues. I've done an awful job there.
- The only thing my first section tells me is that I'm still suicidal which is kinda depressing innit?
- I am a weak hominid who overindulges daily.
- The rodeo runner call signs and shit were influenced by a Karl Pilkington story about such things.
- I never once complimented Chiharu's breasts (i mean she was japanese so).
- Strabbery lacks an ability to make decisions quickly, much like everyone I know.
- "His plan reminded Jaco of a nazi he’d once met whom he’d called a nazi and then afterwards that nazi had agreed that he was a nazi. Such things inevitably happen on roadtrips with strabbery." - I take it back... this is all I would have had to have posted lol.
- Naming a child Oneesan is the greatest joke of all time and I challenge anyone to come with something better.
- TUN provided the Superfood nickname. You know, he's not half bad at comedy. I could see him being a decent performer if he really tried.
- Strabbery's hands are filthy. It is known.
- Jaco really has the hots for mr. tentacle king. gg and rip I say. Tentacles are a nasty business, and one that you shouldn't want to enter unless you're comfortable shooting baby eels from your booty pipe. I'm not comfortable putting anything living, aside from a homo sapien, inside me, but that's just.
- It's true that when I get dressed up in lingerie, I don't usually have panties on. Sometimes I have them on beforehand, but if we're getting down, yo imma get down yo.
- Trabzin's second section was crucial.
- How I was forced to begin my second section is ridiculous, and I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy.
- Space heroin is the real hero here.
- That Wolf Fang Fist came out of nowhere. Perchance a kayvee was confused. Perchance a kayvee expected more.
- I think it's likely that that guy never saw Dodoria's reproductive organs. It's very important if someone sees, but in this case, clearly no one saw.
- I am absolutely certain that 22% of Hyper Zergling's life is affected by the fact that he doesn't know what sex feels like.
- Yaki is a very complicated character. As a person, he is far more complex than Trabzin. What fun it is to write for him, especially in a non-canon scenario. Trabzin's like Android 17 and this fucker's Frieza. gg son
- Some days, I get drunk instead of high. Some days all I need is adderall.
- Tim Heidecker's ode to Scientology is a wonderful tune, worthy of the whole family in my opinion.
- My father really does collect ice cream. He's got a sick sweet tooth yo.
- Space acid is not Serrokin, but it's close.
- I know it sounds impossible, but that story about the Galactic King's high school days is absolutely 100% true in terms of my own life.
- I was really mean in this story, I've just realized. Oh well, it was deserved.
- Trabzin created Strabbery.
- I absolutely believe that it's not homosexual if it doesn't occur on Earth. I mean, to any rational human, that seems like a reasonable position to take.
- Man, I'm a sneaky fucker sometimes. Both Tech-Tech and Jeiri are major locations in His Majesty's Pet.
- So when I was in a private Christian School and I was a freshman, this dude who was a sophomore (I don't remember the douche's name) called us all into a room during like 1st period of some shit and did a song. It was acoustic, and he was singing about kissing the sunset or something. Regardless, the lyrics were awful, the chords were uninteresting, and he couldn't sing. Little did i know that I wouldn't even last another year at that fucked up place. I mean, at least the science taught evolution. That's as much as we can ask for from an unqualified private Christian school my parents blew tens of thousands of dollars on only for me to get expelled as a junior, graduate early, and get into the #1 public school in the world, so fuck you man. Fuck all of you. Every single person at that school and succ a lil nutt yo.
- Yaki's a bitch. I wonder who else is a bitch.
- So that Nazi thing at the end of my second section comes from speculation from my dad and his side of the family. They don't actually know 100% if my great grandfather on my father's side was a Nazi or not. I wouldn't be surprised if he was. This was a pretty clever anecdote, if I do say so myself, and even re-reading it for this commentary, I immediately noticed how awesome it was. Great job kv ill give u a handy l8r
- The gag reflex is my bane. Sometimes I choke on my own dick. Like how many sapiens have that problem...? Can't be many I don't know why I gotta be so fuckin useless when I don't wanna be.
- The ending of my second section could have easily been the end of the story. It's not like anything better ever came along.
- Trabzin's third section is 100% bullshit. Luckily it's not very long.
- I really hate having to adjust my scrotum in public. Sometimes I gotta yo and there's just no way to do it. Society has failed me again.
- So in terms of style in my third section, I was really going for satire and biting, horrible criticism.
- I really enjoyed how Trabzin ignored me killing Strabbery and still had him appear in his third scene. That was excellent; it showed good writer's instincts.
- I like to hold my breath when I fap but fuckin hanging yourself... that's an entirely different level. I am so totally not hardcore for that shit fuckin hell Strabbery what the fuck.
- There are a lot of EpicMafia jokes in my third section, and I'm very sorry and such.
- I don't care about making other people laugh for the most part. It is most important that I can make myself. Whenever I make someone else laugh and I don't think it's funny, I never count that as a success. Nor will I here.
- lol the Japanese part is so meta, I shouldn't even mention it. Regardless, Mr. Granier, you are a good person, and I'm sorry I'm not half the man you are.
- Camera men are rather unheralded, but then they do obnoxious zooms and shit and just ridiculous focuses and angles, I would absolutely kill them if I were Kira. Gotta make this world a better place, ya. That's what's first to go.
- BD toys are generally pricey, even for their smaller stuff. IDK, it also feels like the store credit they give to a community choice is also really stingy, like, come on man, you don't have to be that cheap. It's embarrassing.
- peepeees make my peepee excited. weird ya
- That tereu is brilliant. Good job KV, that line is literally better than anything Trabzin wrote for the whole story fuck him and stuff.
- It is amazing how little I cared at the end of that third section. Beautiful job kayvee.
- I thought for a long time before writing my fourth section. Trabzin kept giving me these intriguing possibilities, allowing me to explore the new situation. His position, in that regard, is similar to how I acted with Creeperman129 and TUN in our BYARM collaborations. Needless to say, I was annoyed by that.
- Strabbery is very similar, in my sections, to an annoying cunt I know.
- I always thought Gowasu really loved pussy. He seems like he just sleeps with like 10 whores a night and probably doesn't even pay them. He likes to sip tea while he gets his cocked succed, yea?
- Gowasu doesn't actually have a penis, since he was born from a tree and he has a mortal lifespan. Kinda odd mechanics for a god, no? That fucker's a bitch, and he's responsible for like everyone dying in Future Trunks' timeline, so I feel no sympathy.
- If I haven't fapped for a while, I start to like a little pubic hair, cuz im a tremendous fgt who becomes super fgty when I haven't fapped for a few days, but otherwise, i don't really want any on anyone I'm dealing with.
- That stuff at the end of the third section really fascinates me. I really like to delve into precise things that cause arousal and try to understand why. I understand that most sapiens with atypical sexualities had something going on in the womb with chemicals and estrogen and testosterone, yeah. I've measured my finger ratio, and I have a feminine brain. Congrats, it's science. That doesn't really get us anywhere, though, and the end of the third section was meant to humorously capture that very same emotion. Sexuality is illusive, in terms of understanding it, and I'm not sure in my life we'll learn if it's entirely biological, or if there are any environmental factors. I really hope there aren't environmental factors. That would make my situation 10x more depressing and I would absolutely kill myself as a result. So hopefully sexuality is biologically determined and I can't do anything about it. If I can, then fuck this life.
- I wonder what is the gayest thing to masturbate to. I really don't know. Like, is masturbating to muscly guy any less gay than feminine-looking twinks? I have no idea, really, and I don't know how I'd ever come to a conclusion about this. Like, is being the bottom gay? Cuz like, you don't have to be the bottom to be aroused. But if you're the top, you're fucking getting aroused by another man, and mostly their ass, I'd think, so that seems gayer to me than being a bottom. However, bottoms who enjoy it are super gay too. So it's an eternal paradox, and I'm not sure there's a possible resolution to this. I'm like super gay myself, but I'm a bottom, so I have no idea. I know this dude who's a top, but he's not as gay as me, so that complicates matters, no doubt, no doubt.
- So that sneak attack caused Gowasu to shit himself. I kept it kinda vague, and Trabzin made no note of it. I do wonder sometimes if he read all my sections, or just skimmed them. The latter is easier and therefore more likely.
- I legit thought I was going to die when I witnessed that drug trade.
- The name Jaco really does nothing for me except remind me that tacos are delicious. What a useless character.
- "Man, to think that once upon a time there was a kid who was all innocent and shit and just loved DBZ and was just a fan and regular and not messed up at all and now hes cummin to the thought of brolys perfect ass gotta fuck the shit outta that and such fapping to the manliest parts of a man, and his muscles are a bonus, not a take away, that’s just crazy yo how could a male be created to be sexually interested in that stuff. biologically it’s nonsensical for a dude to be so into muscles like that but thats whats so hot about it yo i dun undersand it. Millions like that, and this is just as weird to me, if not more so, than Vegeta having sex with Bulma. Sometimes i wish i could be as gay as that kid but thats just crazy talk yo ill never be that gay and neither will gowasu cuz Miyasaki wore womens clothes and thats all that matters" - this paragraph is why TUN will never love me, but I still think I'm right. Also I should probably mention that stuff that is biologically nonsensical is extremely arousing to me, but that should be obvious already.
- "“I did it i killed hundreds of innocent civilians”" - this is all I should've written for this story, tbh.
- Straight porn's kinda sucky. Like, gay porn, of course that's my usual choice, but lesbian porn is so good too. why is straight porn so much inferior to them? I'm pretty sure I could masturbate to it if it was any good.
- Yeah, my fifth section is whatever. Fuck that. I don't think it's abnormal to masturbate to opposite sex sapiens engaging in homosexual activities. Girls love yaoi. I was in this Japanese Lit class last semester, and literally every day before class, this group of like 4 girls talked about yaoi they liked. One even went to Yaoicon (if that's a thing - if it's not, she just went to some random con with yaoi shit in it, idk). So it's like, I'd expect girls to like fuckin gay dudes. Every girl I know closely likes yaoi or gay porn. Pretty much every guy I know likes lesbians too, except for TUN. TUN is a strange hominid though, and I wouldn't assume his experiences are typical for most American males. For me, I love lesbians. Lesbians are awesome. I fuckin love Asian lesbians. Fuckin licc it up. There's really nothing that's more of a turn off to me than seeing a guy eat out a girl... like what am I supposed to get from that? It just seems uncomfortably gay to masturbate to him, and usually the guy's not even good-looking enough for me to cum to, so fuck that noise.
- Trabz's final section surprised me a bit with how brief it was. I guess I'd feel similarly if we'd been fuckin for like 5 hours and then suddenly he pulls out, jerks himself off for like a minute, and then cums on face. That's about what happened in this story, and I'll never read it again.
Dunno really what to say about this. My five sections are not very good in general, but it's more than that - there's nothing really notable that happens in any of them, except for that Gowasu thing. There are funny parts, but it's too inconsistent. I probably shouldn't have written this story, as it didn't benefit me at all, and really added nothing to my universe, but whatever.
<---- Part 97
Part 99 ---->