This is the second Baby You're a Rich Man story I wrote with TeamUnitedNerds. Originally, it was meant to be the last BYARM story, but during the writing of it, we decided to do two more after this one. That slightly impacted how I tackled this story, although there are still some remnants of ideas I was working with if this was going to be the last BYARM.
I named this story "i sware on me mums knickers no sex no cursing no ayy lmao" on a google doc and created that page on January 24, 2017. We didn't start writing until January 29th though. We each wrote our opening sections on that day, from roughly 1:23 pm to 2:12 pm. We each wrote one section during that time, and I thought the writing was pretty standard for those two sections. TUN then wrote his second section in the wee hours of January 30th. When I got home from school that day, I wrote my second section, and then TUN and I completed the rest of the story. This took us roughly two hours and twenty minutes. Two of my sections took particularly long to write - the second and fourth ones - as they contained additional stuff in them that wasn't as easy to improvise. I'm pretty sure TUN was annoyed at how long I took on the last section for instance. With that said, this is a very short story, and at four sections apiece, I think it has the fewest sections of any BYARM (aside from Fin). A lot of the word count comes from the complete lyrics of some song TUN likes or something. So it's a really short story.
The idea for this one came from TUN. We were discussing it even while still writing our previous story about Bardock. In truth, I was interested in pursuing a story about Mr. Popo, but TUN came up with the Nappa idea so we went with that. He came up with the name of the story, too. He has done this for both of our stories so far.
My first and third sections are more like standard BYARM entries for me, but my second and fourth ones are not. I was experimenting with form and clever little things in my sections because I've written quite a few BYARMS now and to be honest I'm quite ready for this series to be over. I think I've said pretty much all I want to say in these radical high non-canon comedy stories. So to keep myself interesting, I have tried to do things that keep me interested. I feel like a lot of my contributions from the first collab with TUN suffered from an "I've made that joke a million times" feel, so I tried to go in new directions for this one.
I really like TUN's contributions in this one. His second section is the finest single section any one of my three collaborators has written for BYARM, in my opinion. He was on point for much of this story, and I'm pretty sure his content is funnier than mine, but I'll have to reread to be sure. But yeah, he's been a great collab partner for these stories.
Story[edit | edit source]
The stuff that I wrote is in bold.
“Cmoe here, and let uncle nappa tell you a story” nappa said, pulklng the young kidveta onto the knee that had splidt countless skulls. “Back before i met you, i was the biggest star in all of plnaet vegeta for about 3 days. My band, nappa and the members of nappa’s band, had the biggest hit single in planet vegetas history”
Nappa looked off into the middle distance, reminscing about his bancd, while kidvegeta looked off in the distance, haunted by visions of the burning bodies of his people and their twisted charcoal-covered corpses.
It was space 1990 again, and nappa and his band were getting together for the first time. th e members consisteted of nappa, the lead vocalist, melon, the bassist, freddy the drummer, some other guy named igloo who played the triangle and who they couldnt convince to go away, and their producer, Splaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaart.
There was a disagreement over what kind of band they should be and that’s why freddy the drummer is no longer with us rest in peace. Melon wanted to become a hipster indie rock band, like the kind some internet person would use their songs for the themes of all of his fanfictions but he shut up when he saw freddy’s m ultiated body. Nappa decideed they should be a space k-pop band, since napppa’s apearance and vocal stylings were most reminiscent of a young girlish space korean woman.
Splaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaart agreed to fund their album on the condition tat they all sign a contract swearing over their moral flesh,a nd their immortal soul to their manager. Nappa was pretty much garunteed a spot in hell and melon’s body was a dumpster fire so they agreed, and igloo agreed also because he just wanted to be loved.
They started their work on their hit sngle Whatta Saiyan (Good Saiyan) which immediately wne tot number 1 on the saiyan summer pop charts. Nappa and the other member of nappa’s band became the biggest stars on their planet, and they were renown among planet vegetas population of savage monkey vegetable people.
im really good at grifball i could go pro. im crushin niggas all day nigga like they gettin worked by my hammer like that guy in 3 guys 1 hammer. Haha the Jews are something.
“Oh where do we begin !!” cry freddy merc.
“Nappa does the cough like a smoker
Iglo banged his triangle.
Melon decided to make these expensive soda drinks that you throw a marble in. “put more blue #3 in it!” he roared at the grub grub people they used as slaves. “Too much yellow #5!!!!”
Nappas fav color was yellow and he liked to weare it everyday. Ohe nce said “i hate yellow grhuh1”
But no nuh uh he got yellow armor thats when u no a real faker.
Splaaaaaaaaaaaat went to the saiyan dmv to get his named changed to Pris Prippers Prescott. He go to the space ikea and get a comfy lil chair it was maroon like my grandma’s old stuffed and then he sat in it and this is all to say that he’s Chairman Prescott now.
To get inspired for his wonderhit nappa took a trip to the floating world in Brassica City. there he met a fat lil farm boy wearin overalls and a dead grass between his buck teeth smh son!!!
“Hiiii im nappa im gonna go bald someday!” nappa shouted
“Ah i ponder, what a ponderous affair,” the farm boy lean back “u have a radical face man,”
“Oh yeah well ur beds wrecked,”
“Take it back”
Now Nappa was an educated individual . He had a masters in child psychology. Words are all we have and when they’re gone that’s the worst way to die, a little death though it may be. Nappa wanted to make this fat farm boy have many little deaths. He reached into the kid’s ear and tore it off. Farm boy tried to run, he tried to squeal but nappa pulled apart his skull like one would unscrew a bottle cap.
His brain was redder than Nappa would have liked, and it all ran together in ridges and lumpy bits. Nappa found it particularly fun how farm boy died immediately when he pulled a chunk of brains out. Just like that the light was gone. I wish my light would go out haha its already the 21st century what are we waiting for.
a lil drop of blood got on his boot :0 *a lil kiss 4 u* nya~. It really was a wonderful show nappa what a show, what a show, magnifico Nappa, ur outta this world
You know kv, coming back and reading your section after ive finished mine is kind of like coming back to your house when you left to go shopping and you know for a fact that your house will be on fire when you come back but you werent prepared for just how on fire it was. Like your house is on fire but its like blue flames or something like that and youre like this is some wizard stuff right here im not even gonna bother. Aint no fireman who gets paid enough to deal with black magic thats for sure.
“Alright we gotta come up with another hit, and im not talkin that strapping purple baldo who i consider my long lost brother in spirt” nappa said to his band. ‘For this one we gotta go back to our roots”
“What are you talking about our roots” melon said “weve only had like one song”
“Im talking about roots, lik,e, the roots of life, bro. We gotta go back to the earth, back where we belong. We all come from the eartrh, and when we die, we go back to the earth. Or the vegeta i guess.” nappa said, reaching into the ground, scooping up a clump of dirt, and shakily cramming it into his mouth while making unbreaking eye contact with the increasingly terrified melon boy. Nappa was incredibly high on space drugs, you see, and was convinced that talking was the only thing that would keep the goblins that danced on the edge of his vision at bay..
“We gotta change the world,” nappa continued, as tyhe other members of his band became increasingly terrified at his dilating pupils deranged expression, and the stream of drool and dirt that poared out of his mouth while he ranted. “Thats what musics about, its about changing the world, man. Its such a big universe out there, and nothing matters, except music, man. Its all about the rythm of the stars, the whole galaxy is just one big song and were all singing out of key.”
Meloln went over to the phone to call the space ;police but nappa shot his head open and danced in the rain of his exploded brains.
“Goodnight melon, i hardly knew ya. Youre one with the groove of the cosmos now, peace out, sail on through the stars, funky baby” nappa said, inhaling another handful of dirt as the goblins closed in on him.
“No mommy nappa’s a good boy, nappa’s not a goblin boy.”
Igloo sobbed silently to himself until nappa’s high finally dyed down.
“Ha, i guess his head exploded like a melon, am i right? Actually thats not funny i killed one of the most important membners of the band.. You know, theres too much death going around, bro.” nappa said, taking another hit from his supply of nonsepcific space drugs
“Like, all we saiyans do is kill, but why? You know, everythings just about life and death, man. But life’s just the opposite of death, and lifes not the same thing as living. A children cries out for their mothers. A space sparrow cries in the distrance. All we do is kill, man, but are we really alive? Does taking a life make you more alive? What does it mean to be saiyan, you know what im saying? Is it just a monkey tail, or is it a monkey’s tale?”
“Triangle, please, keep me safe,” igloo said, clutching his stupid useless musical instrument for 5 year olds close to his chest.
Nappa grabbed an autistic guitar, and stummed, started singing bout how saiyans should stop n with the killing just a bit, and bout how king vegeta’s beard was maybe actually not that cool. It was all folksy and from the soul, it was so human cept it caim from an alien, right from the center of nappa’s bald little heart. He called it “Maybe We Should All Tone It Down With The Genocide.” and it was gonna be the next hit single of the newly renamed Nappa and the Only Surviving Member of his Previous Band But Not For Long If He Doesn’t Keep Bringing Poppa Baldo His Drugs Yee-Haw.
Its actually literally 5 in the morning.
Yo you ever drink like, some knd of like. Like its not an energy drink but its one of those fruity watrer drinks with electrolytes or w/e like garoratde or propel or whatever, and youre eating something like skittles at the same time and youre just like am i begging the universe for diabetes. Like one of them is supposed to be healthy and for sports but you cant help but feel like willy wonka and the
Yeah i dont care kv its your turn
Erstwhile the tepid space lemurs hurled their chewed space cherry-hearts upon the souls of Nappa and his Sunshine Girls. Luckily at that exact moment, the door opened. Elder space lemurs shrieked with fear and ran for the hills. Cackling youngsters noticed not what was upon them. Timid squirrel-sacked Napa-kun loked around and noticed a new saiyan was on the premises of his blessed studio. Right now this guy was a foxy lil devil if i ever saw one he knew how to play a wooden train whistle. Immediately a shrill sound sounded. Cagey as a callow tiger, the space lemurs hooted and exploded.
Pieces of space lemur intestines rained from the sky (make it rain my lovely country girl). Redolent meat puddles congealed and mingled, and Nappa was happier than someone who only thinks about commiting sudok u a bakers dozen times a year. Each and every saiyan was covered in blood, even the new person. So thats when new boiy made a toot on the horn he was a conductor of sorts, a sort of braggedocious sovenier. I like to make secret messages that take too long to come up with while im supa high. Dun hate me im famous. Each and every toe on my toes is bigger than the last why the heck when I go. Nappa was shocked, bewildered, and deflowered. “That’s a lotttaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa blood, fool.”
Yo if you ate a gorilla meat would that be cannibalism. Nappa, igloo, and the beautiful whistle boy who i shall name Spiders Spiders Spiders were called into their managers office one day.
“Im sorry but the saiyan authorty doesnt like your music, its too inflamitory\. They want you to go back to singing about cute boys and they als miss the members of the badn whoi you everischerated.
Why does so much modern political discourse revolve around starbucks.
You know, girl broly is like, atually seriously really hot.
Like, i just want her to take me into her big muscular arms, and gently scream “kakaroooooooooot” into my ears until i loose my hearing, and then she proceeds to punch me in the stomach and murder me and my entire species. Broly if ur out there you can tear my spine out of my body and eat it any time bby girl. U can rip my arms off and beat me to death with them, lets get married.
“Man, you just dont understand music. You wanna turn us into some sellouts, well, i say, good sir, ill quit.”
Naoppa slammed his first down on the table indignantly.
“You can’t quit now” his manager said. ‘Were already coming out with a line of product tie ins, like our brand of adult diapers, nappa’s nappies*”
*this isn’t funny
If a pokemon killed themselves would they have commited suicune
“Oh yeah, is that how you get your kicks?” nappa said, while kicking his manager in the chest
“You just dont get it. Musics pure life, everythings just made of strings that are playing different songs. I’m a high c, and you’re a g4, we just don’t get along.”
Nappa began ranting again as the goblins were once again beginning to encroach on his mind, chanting their gobliny songs.
Nappa began to confulse and fall on the ground like i do in my sleep no joke but it’s actually niot seizures the doctors dont know what it is i;m constantly afraid of dying.
Sometimes the world is too beautiful to take and smetimes it’s too ugly to stand, i want girl brooly to be the mother of my children, and i want her to crush my skull between her pecs in front of our child
Yo i dun really wanna stop the show but i thought u might like to know
There was a man and his name was Nappa. His aunt Jeremiah was a working girl and she made this liquid gel that turned into space scrambled eggs if u got them real hot. He was thinking of jerrah when he turned out the lights and showed em what was his.
When i was over at derek’s house he was tryna hit on this girl she was from the land of the rising sun so to speak. But one time he got up and he was so drunk he started playing guitar. He was strumming a few chords and I was callin’ em out because i was also very drunk. I tried to ride the bus home but I was too drunk and I missed the last bus yes it was quite late.
I don’t get why McCartney has so much granny mmusic. When im sixty-four is a whole lotta hooplah id rather be the gremlin that exploded in the microwave than listen to that.
I dont know what this storys about mayne i just dont get it. I always wanted nappa to kill his manager whats another gore scene right fellas. “Ur a cursed creamboy and i don’t like it!!” nappa screamed so hard all his hair exploded and some shrapnel landed in the mangers eyes his names like circles circles or something rad but i imagine him to look like the pokemon hybrid generator if u put ochoa in one side and ochocinco in the other.
He bent over and pciked up some floor dust, sprinkilng it over his ear and murmuing to himself about strength and honor and beauty for beauty’s sake alone!!!
“Im immoral,” circle circle circle cry. “Ill not empathize with sufferin no sir im a painter!”
Nappa was so infuriated he turned into a monster and looked for girls while hyper zergling lurked in the bushes.
That was when shrewsberry McKeehan the train whistler stepped forward and pulled circle circles heart from the chest. He took a bite in front of husband daddy and spit it out “its too bloody raw!!”
This is the part where i should have written a chef ramsey reference.
Igloo very much enjoyed this show on trampoline. He dinged his triangle and then self-destructed. It was a beautiful one and as the confetti that was his innards rained down around them, Nappa couldn’t help but think hed found his knew song. Alabaster McKeehan shrilled his whistle and look how polished it is, its shining for daddy.
Now this is the story all about how
You know what wouldvwe made gt bettwer besides completely erasing it from human history? lik e what was the point of making goku a kid again. Like why not just have like, old man goku, thatd be awesome. Give him like a mustache, itd be like the dark knight returns except with less nazis, or more nazis i dont know waht youre into.
Nappa klnew what his next song would bel. He was drunk on the sweet muscif of a triangle chime combined with the sweet sticky noise of a man’s organs going everty which way. You know its kinda weird but paul mccccartyney does atually look a bit like me nan
Nappa went on stage with the only suirving member of his band, or maybe not i forget whos dead, so lets say he went up on stage with the exploded corpse of one of his bandmades dangling morosely from his arm.
“,mam oh man, weve really made it now, buddy-o. Were on the precipece of nightmares, we’re really showing them what’s for, cool cat”
Nappa started performing his new song, man playing a triangle and then erupting in a fountain of gore. Except oh, woe is me, nappa forget his triangle, that silly man.
Yo crunchyroll seems to only have the censored version of jojos like they put weird black splotches over the dog’s exploded head so if theres an uncensored version out there thatd be great. Id prefer something where the revnue goes directly to the creators because im a good boy. This isn;t a joke im genuinely curious thanks kiss kiss from tunboy your favorite princess <3
Nappa went back stage but it was alresdy too late. He had angered his croud of aliens whow ere the sentient manifestations of mathematical equations. They were spitting the numeral formula for love at nappa and he just couldn’t handle that amount of harsh.
“I cant do this anymore” nappa said, burying his head in his hands, except his head kept slipping out of his hands because he spent all the money from his music on drugs and oil for his bald.
“Msuics not what its about anymore. I gotta embrace the goblims, i gotta be a man, i gotta do what it takes, i gotta draw the line, i gotta cross the line, i gotta go the distance. Im not nappa, music man anmymore. Im gonna spend the rest of my life beating up puppets a tthe behest of a much smaller man. That’s what life’s about, jive momma, dig it
You know kvs right, you can tell a lot about a person from asking what their least favorite song from a band is.
I feel like this section is too short, so i’m just going to copy and paste the lyrics to oingo boingo’s ‘weird science’ so kv cant complain about me not writing enough this time
Weird, ooo! Weird Science Plastic tubes and pots and pans Bits and pieces and Magic from the hand We're makin' Things I've never seen before Behind bolted doors Talent and imagination Not what teacher said to do Makin' dreams come true Living tissue, warm flesh Plastic tubes and pots and pans Bits and pieces (and) Bits and pieces (and) my creation--Is it real? It's my creation...my creation It's my creation Weird Science Weird, ooo! Magic and technology Voodoo dolls and chants Electricity We're makin' Fantasy and microchips Shooting from the hip Something different We're makin' Pictures from a magazine Diagrams and charts Mending broken hearts (and makin') Something like a recipe Bits and pieces (and) Bits and pieces (and) my creation--Is it real?
Life’s a song, you gotta be the drum solo
Endnotes[edit | edit source]
- TUN named this story and picked out its picture. He was really taken by the picture, which was a rather lewd one between Vegeta and Nappa. The rest of the picture had to be cropped out because it's so graphic. Admittedly, I thought there was at least one if not two better pictures for this story, but I didn't care enough to argue hard for them.
- TUN's writing is cool in that he pursues themes with earnest intensity. For me, this enhances the comedy of his BYARM sections. This will also be noticeable in our upcoming story about a Yardrat named Soba.
- TUN's dig at me in the opening section significantly influenced how I approached all four of my sections.
- Moral flesh as opposed to mortal flesh is a nice typo, although I'm not convinced it was an accidental one.
- TUN and I discussed what kind of band Nappa and his bbs should be in before writing. I wanted them to be K-Pop.
- Igloo's the real hero of this story. Gotta feel for that vegetable.
- If my memory is accurate, I believe I came up with the name of their first single, "Whatta Saiyan (Good Saiyan)", which is based on a real K-Pop song.
- We agreed to not swear or have sexual stuff in this story, for the most part. The major exception is the last word of this story. Another would be my use of niggas a few times, but that kind of jive just can't be stopped in a BYARM of all places.
- So I've been boosting Halo 5 mainly for Hyper Zergling, and when I wrote this story, I was grinding through the game for some armor for my bestest bb. Halo 5's a decent multiplayer game, although I have played so much of it that I can barely stand playing any gametype aside from Grifball or Warzone. As it turns out, I've gotten really good at Grifball recently because of this. Also, I was playing when I wrote, and I remember being on an absolute tear when I wrote my first section.
- "Haha the Jews are something." - ambiguous lines such as this one are essential components of my writing style in general (not just for BYARM). This makes me think that my writing style is somewhat similar to that of Henry James', but I'm not totally sure if that is an accurate comparison.
- Melon's drink thing was based on a rather long conversation I had about those kinds of drinks with my best friend's sister.
- Nappa and yellow go hand-in-hand. My friend Mr. Q used to wear yellow all the time when he was younger, a fact I noted even when I was but a small watermelon child. So there's a bit of reality and DBZ stuff melding in there. Most of my ranting is directed at my friend, not at Nappa, though Nappa is a worthy scapegoat.
- Chairman Prescott is underrated, in my opinion. He has one of the best player models in GOW3.
- In my universe, Nappa is born in Brassica City. The name of that city is related to Nappa's own name pun. The floating world is the world of the commoner, of the harlot, depicted in the ukiyo-e prints of Edo Period Japan. Part of the joke in that reference comes from Nappa meeting a fat farm boy instead of some pristine geisha whom he could fuck all night. That fat farm boy is Ben Cooper, lead singer of Radical Face. I can't find the picture now, unfortunately, but there used to be a picture of him dressed up in overalls and he was fat and lying in the field or something. The aesthetics of that picture haunt me to this day.
- I said "smh son" instead of "smdh son" because of the no cursing rule. I was very careful.
- So Nappa insulting Ben about his bed being wrecked is just me venting a complaint about his writing style - Mr. Radical Face often describes things as "wrecked", which to me is a bit over the top. He does it so often that it's noticeable. If it wasn't noticeable for its bizarreness, it'd be alright, but it's not.
- "Now Nappa was an educated individual . He had a masters in child psychology. Words are all we have and when they’re gone that’s the worst way to die, a little death though it may be. Nappa wanted to make this fat farm boy have many little deaths. He reached into the kid’s ear and tore it off. Farm boy tried to run, he tried to squeal but nappa pulled apart his skull like one would unscrew a bottle cap." - there are a few things I must mention about this paragraph. For one, Nappa's child psychology major is a reference to Dragon Ball Abridged. A little death is the olden-days way of talking about an orgasm. Now, Nappa obviously doesn't know this, for he takes little deaths to mean horrific torture, bless his heart. I do think there's significance in Nappa ripping off Ben's ear, especially after "Words are all we have and when they’re gone that’s the worst way to die", but I'm not getting any deeper into that jive.
- "Just like that the light was gone. I wish my light would go out haha its already the 21st century what are we waiting for." - this is one of my many references in my stories to the great lines from Radiohead's Bodysnatchers: "Has the light gone out for you?/'Cause the light's gone for me/It is the 21st century/It is the 21st century". Those are great lines that can work in dialogue with both serious and comedic styles. This line is probably an important look into my consciousness, but I am too close to myself to be able to speak about such things.
- "a lil drop of blood got on his boot :0 *a lil kiss 4 u* nya~. It really was a wonderful show nappa what a show, what a show, magnifico Nappa, ur outta this world" - Ray Hudson is a legend, and I am too often influenced by my peers on epicmafia.
- I very much enjoyed Melon's head exploding like a fucking melon.
- TUN loves a good message, a good theme. It is a bit odd to witness on my end, because none of my other collaborators ever write like that. The duality of his prose is really nice, in that he often rants about how none of this matters or that the prose is trite, but he certainly puts a lot of effort in to have themes. To me, that shows that he cares a lot about the quality of prose that he produces, even if it's BYARM prose.
- On the subject of TUN's diabetes rant, I used to drink a lot of alcohol, and I hate alcohol. I'm actually allergic to alcohol, although it's not that bad (it just makes my peepee burn like a dragon with a sore throat). Regardless, what I used to do is pour a ton of sugar into my cups of whiskey, brandy, and vodka. Like, I'd pour half a cup or so for one tall glass of brandy. Granted, that glass was like an all-day affair, but even so, that's a ton of sugar, and my heart would race so bad afterwards, I wouldn't be able to sleep. So yes, I have tempted the diabetes god before, although he hasn't won yet.
- My second section was conceptually planned out in advance. However, the actual content of the sentences was not. There is a secret message in that section, and that's all I'm going to say about that section.
- "Yo if you ate a gorilla meat would that be cannibalism." - this is an amazing line.
- If modern political discourse actually revolved around Starbucks, SJW fascism would be more popular, I think.
- "Sometimes the world is too beautiful to take and smetimes it’s too ugly to stand, i want girl brooly to be the mother of my children, and i want her to crush my skull between her pecs in front of our child" - this is the best thing TUN ever wrote.
- For some reason I am quite fond of the opening track of Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band. Now that's not very notable in and of itself, as that album is widely regarded as being one of the best of all time, but that opening track is one of my favorites, if not my favorite, on the entire album. Only "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds" and "A Day in the Life" can stand up to it, in my opinion, and while I am sure of this opinion, I do find it peculiar, despite me being the person who has that opinion.
- The Aunt Jeremiah paragraph is great. In the time since writing this story with TUN and doing this commentary, I have thought often about that joke. It's one of the things that's stuck with me the most from this story.
- The Derek story is entirely true, chronicling an interesting turn in my relationship with Chiharu. I've written quite a bit about her in my recent BYARMs. Perhaps that's a subconscious way for me to work out what exactly all this stuff means! But I don't understand any of it.
- Paul's granny music is a debate not for this commentary, alas. I will say that while he is far and away the best Beatle in my opinion (it's really not close), this is a valid criticism leveled against him. "When I'm Sixty-Four" is a song I particularly detest because of its tryhard nature. I don't know; on the one hand, I want to discount Lennon's and Harrison's criticism of some of his songs, because "Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da" is a song I love, and that's the main song of criticism for this sort of thing. With that said, Paul's old timey sound in some of his songs does grate on my ears, even in the best of those songs. When I got high to write that part of this story, I was really emotional about it, but I'm pretty indifferent to this debate at the moment.
- The gremlin that explodes in the microwave (from the movie Gremlins obviously) used to give me nightmares because I used to have nightmares about having to cook food in that microwave after he exploded in it.
- "his names like circles circles or something rad but i imagine him to look like the pokemon hybrid generator if u put ochoa in one side and ochocinco in the other." - I am quite fond of this line, although Ochoa is no longer what he was in 2014, and ochocinco doesn't even have that name anymore. Also, this was a legit memory lapse. I knew one of the guys had a name that was 3 in a row, but I was too lazy to go up and look, so I went by memory. That's why spiders turned into circles.
- "He bent over and pciked up some floor dust, sprinkilng it over his ear and murmuing to himself about strength and honor and beauty for beauty’s sake alone!!!" - this line makes me chuckle. It's so randomly dramatic and aesthetic. It's trying too hard, kv. The reference is partially to Lord Henry from The Picture of Dorian Gray, a character who is also significantly referenced in my contributions to my upcoming Soba collab with tunny.
- "“Im immoral,” circle circle circle cry. “Ill not empathize with sufferin no sir im a painter!”" - intentionally clumsy satirizing of Oscar Wilde's aesthetic philosophy here. That said, I am probably more like Wilde in my writing style than any other writer out there, so keep that in mind. There is something alluring in beauty, and a sense of emptiness too. I'm not sure it is possible to resolve this tension of reality and unreality.
- "That was when shrewsberry McKeehan the train whistler stepped forward and pulled circle circles heart from the chest. He took a bite in front of husband daddy and spit it out “its too bloody raw!!”" - Shrewsberry McKeehan (who has a different first name every time he's mentioned) is a reference to the 2015 winner of the World Series of Poker main event. The part where the heart is pulled from the chest is sort of based on the iconic scene from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. The use of husband daddy is a reference to "She's Leaving Home" by the Beatles. I referenced Sgt. Pepper a lot in this story, continuing my trend of having a lot of Beatles references in my BYARM sections. Previous stories had me more focused on the white album or Abbey Road, however.
- I sort of wanted to do the Chef Ramsay joke, but I couldn't think of one that was worth the trouble.
- "Igloo very much enjoyed this show on trampoline." - this line references the opening line of the Sgt. Pepper song, "Being for the Benefit of Mr. Kite!".
- "Alabaster McKeehan shrilled his whistle and look how polished it is, its shining for daddy." - this line is hilarious and disgusting. It's about as graphic as I could get, in terms of sexual content, until the last word. By this point, I kind of thought we'd be doing a few more sections each, but as it turned out, I only did one more. This is a really good ending line for my last "normal" section of the story.
- "You know its kinda weird but paul mccccartyney does atually look a bit like me nan" - brilliant line.
- "“,mam oh man, weve really made it now, buddy-o. Were on the precipece of nightmares, we’re really showing them what’s for, cool cat”" - this is awesome dialogue. When TUN is on-point, he can do some crazy, beautiful things.
- "You know kvs right, you can tell a lot about a person from asking what their least favorite song from a band is." - I believe this line was in reference to me asking Trabzin what his least favorite song on Abbey Road was. I don't remember if Trabzin gave an answer or not (he did ramble on about how much he liked "Oh! Darling", though).
- I had never heard of Oingo Boingo's "Weird Science" before TUN pasted the lyrics into the story. To this day, I have still never listened to the song.
- My last section is stylistically written in the meter and tone of Emily Dickinson. I used the same rhyme scheme she usually used. It was difficult to work within these confines while still making the references I wanted to make, and this was by far the section I spent the most time on as a result. Also, the unique tonality of her poetry (using radical dashes and incomplete phrases, among other things) was difficult to mimic and satirize.
- Priyep is the name of Nappa's son in Hyper Zergling's stories.
- The only thing I will say about the content of the ending poem is that I didn't come up with the honey/cunny rhyme until I had written out several lines already. It was only when I was finishing up the first stanza/starting the second one that I realized I could end this story with an unexpected crescendo. This crescendo is not as noticeable as the one at the end of The Adventures of Beerus and Whis...IN SPACE!, although it took a similar amount of time to write.
I enjoyed TUN's sections and liked seeing the way his writing developed from my previous BYARM collaboration with him. I particularly liked his rants. For my own sections, it was fun to experiment with form and the scope of satire (some of this I hope I have hinted at in this commentary), particularly with the ending poem. This certainly isn't the best BYARM, and it certainly isn't the worst. Its length is a contributing factor to that, I think. But I won't be rating this story.
<---- Part 85
Part 87 ---->