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This is the second story I wrote for Vöntun. It was somewhat inspired by the tidbit in Toyotaro's manga adaptation of Super about how all the Gods of Destruction played a game of hide and go seek, but Beerus fell asleep, so it had to be canceled. This story doesn't exactly deal with that, but it was the basis for Beerus and Champa having a sleeping competition. I assumed that Champa would be none too pleased by Beerus' nap, so he would want to prove to his brother that he could've fallen asleep during the game as well, and slept for longer.
In any case, I didn't remember a single thing about this story, aside from Beerus killing Majin Walu, as I prepared for this anthology, so I did the rare move of re-reading the entire thing before writing out this opening monologue. As I read through it, I was considering making it non-canon to my universe until I got to the fourth scene. Then I realized that this is not in fact a BYARM, but an intentionally distorted story. The stuff with the chinpou hunt came out of how I think the kanji for it, considering what the word means, is just ridiculous. I can't think of a less rare Chinese spear in all of China, to be completely honest. There was, in general, a good deal of mocking Zeno here, as his presence in the Tournament of Power was excruciatingly irritating to put it mildly.
In any case, I have no memory of writing this story. Apparently I wrote the entire thing on February 25, 2018, beginning three hours after posting Appetent Justice to the wiki. I continued working on it for another five or so hours, off and on (obviously), until I finished it at about 1:45 pm my time. Late in the day on February 26th, I edited the first two scenes (although a bit at the end of the second scene remained unedited). I finished the remaining editing the next day and then posted it to the wiki.
I don't have much to say about this one, even after re-reading it for this commentary. I am not sure if it has any worth at all, although I did manage to make myself laugh a few times. I don't think there was very much going on with Beerus' characterization here, and the thematic content surely doesn't get very deep. The stuff with memories/dreams is somewhat interesting, but it probably wasn't worth delving into that by writing this story. Placing it in the "now" trio of Vöntun was done only for the sake of irony. Anyways, I expect this to be a brief anthology, so let's get into the endnotes and bang this fucker out.
Story[]
It happened one morning–a God of Destruction with a thirst for rare and unusual urethras ate all of the frozen chinpou in Universe 6. Chinpou was a type of candy allegedly, though the Chinese characters for it being “rare” and “Chinese spear” seem rather apt. My good friend tien dominic owns a rare Chinese spear of his own but it’s lost in a dark, coarse forest right now. I feel pretty bad for it not gonna lie.
“Zeno loves chinpou!” Champa whined, pacing before his brother nervously. “He threatened to destroy my universe if I don’t find him some by some time in the future that is both convenient for a story and not entirely reasonable for me to remain calm!”
“Why don’t you calm down, Champa? Your belly is swinging all over the place and it nearly hit my brother,” Vados cautioned him.
His brother looked like he was sleeping until he opened one eye and made a very rude look at his brother who was also a purple cat. Like what the fuck tori you high as shit. “Let me guess, you want me to find some chinpou for you, is that right?”
“I don’t have any stamina. You know that, Vados knows that, even my lunch lady knows it,” Champa said, waving his hands in the air. “C’mon Beerus, it’s my birthday today.”
“It is also my birthday; the manga already made that joke,” his brother, the other hairless puse, growled.
“Lord Beerus, I love chinpou myself,” Whis interjected.
“I would never have suspected that of you, Whis.”
Vados winked and made a peace sign. “Hey, don’t forget me!”
“It’s normal for you to like chinpou, however,” Whis said, humming to himself. “I thought our father was the most powerful being in the multiverse aside from Zeno-sama. How could he screw up so bad?”
“Daddy never makes a mistake, especially not behind the dumpster after Korn’s slam poetry rehearsal that he never invited you to. He’s a good daddy, the best daddy, a beautiful daddy!”
“So, ya gonna go, Beerus?” Champa asked quickly. “I need to get back home, it’s almost time for elevensies.”
“If you ate all of the chinpou in your universe, then you’re out of luck. That’s the only place you can find it.”
“Actually, not true!” Whis jumped in front of Beerus and Champa, doing a little pirouette. You can tell most of the time just by how someone moves if they’re a giver or a taker, a talker or a choker, a biologically nonsensical existence or a plain normal one (like we all should be). There’s also semis but who wants that shit in their life? “For the sake of making this an interesting story, I should let the both of you know that a while back, a closeted Homunculus by the name of IM Baetta would occasionally visit Universe 6 in order to procure chinpou sweets for his sweet baby Pissboy. He is native to Universe 8, so I’m sure if you visit him there and ask him nicely, he’ll give you his chinpou, and once Vados sees a chinpou she can infinitely duplicate it as she has done many times in the past.”
Vados is pretty hot, although it’s a damn shame that her bean is no sausage. “Whis, shush. Those were private.”
Beerus yawned. “Why don’t you go, Whis? I think I’ll take a nap.”
“You can’t take a nap!” screamed Champa, who slapped Beerus out of his chair like a space pimp who just done went broke. “It’s my birthday, I’m a birthday boy!” Champa proclaimed.
“I had a lucid dream last night where old man turtle with the sunglasses and the strange tendencies to shoot fountains of blood from his nose dove deep inside me,” Vados interjected.
“Oh dreadful, that reminds me, I am going to eat four skins of space jagaimo right now,” Whis said quickly, but he only ate three of them, as one fell on the ground, and once it touches the ground, that’s game over man. “Oooh, Lord Beerus! Lord Beerus, now!”
“Hmph. Hakai.” He raised a paw and fired a huge blast at the ground, decimating half of his planet without so much as trying.
Suddenly, time was rewound, only they kept their memories so it was like if Nelson Mandela had actually fucked that prostitute in the back of his brother’s car.
“In English, Lord Beerus.”
“Fine, fine. Destroy.”
Again, half of the planet was wiped out, but Lord Beerus didn’t mind because if he did mind, he had just fucked up big time. It’s never cool to look like an idiot in front of your portly little brother. Whether they be known as tub o’ lard, or the late-night chinpou-whistler, it’s all the same really.
“My, my Lord Beerus, your barbs are long and sharp and look ever so scrumptious,” Whis whispered sensuously. “Good kitty, good. Kitty could be my dildo mmm.”
He scratched him a bit behind the ears, but not that much, as Vados and Champa were watching. It’s always weird to have someone watch you get pleasure like that in public, except if you’re Louis C.K., but then again fuck the gingers.
“That’s enough,” Beerus said, rising. “I’ll be back in an hour with more chinpou than either of you could ram down your throats. But you owe me, Champa.”
“What?! How? What the heck, Beerus?! How could you be so unreasonable?!” his brother roared, jumping up and down and waving his hands. It was almost like he was a cartoon or somethin’ (tsss tsss).
“When we were kids, you didn’t appear in my origin story since you weren’t invented yet,” Beerus growled again like my little Dexter at 3 am when he’s looking for some fucc (the puse game ridic round these parts).
For a while he was drifting back home, through the cannibal forests and floating cities, until he came upon his refrigerator, which stood like an obelisk in the middle of the road. Plastering it were pictures drawn by Frieza of all the planets he had destroyed for Lord Beerus.
“There’s more where those came from,” Whis sighed, coming up behind him, a stack of fresh drawings in his hand. The planets were mostly round, but Frieza had decided to draw himself as a stick figure with a hecka long tail. Beerus became annoyed that like him, Frieza was hairless and possessed a tail. Moreover, though he was without fur, Frieza had several family members, none of them being as rotund as Champa. But then again, Frieza was like eighteen tiers below Beerus on the Universal Tier List (bless his Arcosian nips), so that was fucking weird.
“How could someone so weak rule the universe?”
“It shows how poor of a job you and that Shin fellow are doing at maintaining this universe’s mortal level. I thought we already went over this, Lord Beerus. My father sent you a strict warning not five million years ago that you better get your act together in a hurry or you’ll be replaced. If you can’t clean your room, you’re no better than a space lobster, Lord Beerus.”
Beerus was embarrassed, so he looked away, grumbling softly to himself, as he often did. “That Kai is an idiot. Of all the Kais for Majin Buu to spare… it was that one. He’s the dumbest one of the lot. Did you know, he swore to me the other day that there are only twenty or thirty civilized planets in the universe? Why, we’ve been to more civilizations than that since my last nap, Whis. How does he think the Galactic Patrol functions? What about Frieza’s Planet Trade Organization? Does he really believe either organization could sustain itself if the number of planets were truly so few?”
“Oh, certainly, Lord Beerus. Shin is a bakaboy if I’ve ever seen one, and oho, trust me, I’ve seen many. More than that, even. It’s a shame that there haven’t been any new Supreme Kai fruit in bloom since before the time of Buu. Even so, he’s still rather young, and I doubt he will be stepping down anytime soon. You will need to coordinate with him if you want to bring this universe back up to a healthy mortal level.”
“Whatever. I’d rather eat frosting straight from the can and then take a five hundred year nap. Say, Whis, do the other Gods of Destruction have to nap like I do?”
“Oh certainly not, Lord Beerus. That is a big part of why we’re always so behind. I often think that Vados and I made a mistake picking you and your brother for this job. The least you two could do is stay awake long enough to master Ultra Instinct.”
“Hey, that shit’s hard. How many Gods of Destruction have that mastered?”
“None, of course.”
“And how many mortals?”
“None, Lord Beerus, though it would be a major turn on for me if that were the case.”
“Exactly my point, Whis. Say, what do you think the odds are that after Frieza fails with his ‘take over the universe’ plan, he’ll become a professional painter, or possibly even a beanie-wearing mangaka who poses for the press in the middle of his driveway at around a little past noon?”
“No, of course not, Lord Beerus,” Whis replied cheekily, letting the papers he was holding drop to the ground, where Beerus lit them up with one tiny ball of destruction energy, “I think at that point, he’ll be dead, along with the rest of his family.”
“Theirs is a powerful family, Whis.”
“Yes indeed Lord Beerus, but the plot demands it sometimes.”
The refrigerator was gone. Not even a single one of Frieza’s doodles remained. Beerus had half-forgotten how bad of an artist that c*nt was. “Uh Whis… what are we doing back on my homeworld, anyways? I haven’t been here in years. Whis?”
He looked around. Whis was gone, as were the trees, the road, the city in the distance that had been eclipsing the sun. Everything was shapeless and black, and yet still he could not quite push through. It was like with Ultra Instinct, he knew. He had to let go. It wasn’t so much about having intuition as about having precision. Anyone can snort a ball of space wasabi, but if you aren’t throwing up immediately afterwards, or falling over, or letting your eyes water, or gagging, or anything like that… what was the point?
Beerus cared not, for as soon as he thought that, the thoughts passed through the void he was floating in at light speed, never to be thought again.
They had been there, with the other Gods and Angels, as eighteen had become twelve. Lord Zeno had been walking down the line outside his palace, shaking each of their hands, screaming in a high-pitched voice, “Hi, I’m Zenoooooooo!!”, and showing them pictures of him not cleaning up anything, the little shit. At the time, they had been boys, too young to be Gods of Destruction. As candidates for Destroyer positions, it had been their duty to spar in front of Zeno to prove their strength to him.
Even then, he had been faster–just barely, but it had been enough. He had taken Champa’s blows, and Champa had taken his, and there had been no advantage either way. They were at stalemate until the opening presented itself and he faltered. His brother knocked him cleanly out with one right hook. Was that Ultra Instinct?
He made his mind go blank, forgetting all the lies and all the truths at once. There he was now in Universe 8, Liquiir greeting him.
“You’re looking for IM Baetta?”
“If I wasn’t, why would I be here?”
“I want to go on this mission with you, Beerus.”
“I don’t need your help.”
“Bad pusspuss bad,” Liquiir growled, pulling out a squirt bottle and nailing him in the face. “Why couldn’t you dodge that, anyways?”
“Hmph, the plot demanded it. Look, this is taking too long. I need to get that chinpou and get out of here.”
“I hear your brother ate all the chinpou.”
“He did. What of it?”
The three-tailed fox gave him a wry smile. “I’m surprised he liked it so much.”
This dream had been corrupted; he could feel it. That wasn’t what Liquiir had actually said. It was all wrong. They flashed forward in time, like leaping through a glass window. The compound was situated in a mining station in the midst of an asteroid field. IM Baetta and his working companion Pissboy were waiting for them. No, that wasn’t right either.
“Heard about the crisis,” Baetta grunted. He was a big lad, the kind who shits five to six times a day and still finds time to grow a beard. When he shaves, he leaves his beard trimmings all over the sink, as if presenting a trophy, but who could that possibly impress? It’s not hard to wonder why he’s still single.
“Shame about those chinpou, they were good frozen treats. Love ‘em myself, but that doesn’t mean they’re they only ones I love, don’t be getting no wrong impressions now.”
“Please give us one,” Liquiir asked politely, bowing. “We only need the one. Lord Zeno is lusting hard for some chinpou right about now. It’s a rare and long pleasure, my good sir. How can you refuse?”
“Eh. Like, I don’t know, man.”
“Who are you to speak to a god in that manner?!” Beerus roared at Pissboy. “I’ll destroy you if you don’t give us what we’re seeking!”
“Look man, I’m just a boy, and I love piss. That’s all there is to this. Like, a hole’s a hole, right? But what’s so great about holes? It’s just an opening. There’s nothing going on with it really. And the bigger the hole, the less tight it is, so isn’t that, like a turn-off? I mean, well, like, basically, it’s just that, there’s so much more to work with with a chinpou, yeah? Like half the guys I know don’t even like the meat flaps. They tolerate it cause they like the rest of the package, and heh, can’t blame ‘em there, but that’s not for me.”
This wasn’t right either, and it wasn’t funny, and it wasn’t meaningful, and there was no character development taking place. That pissed Beerus off. He was about to destroy that loose-lipped dripper when his dream was corrupted again. There was a vast patch of nothingness, followed by a distant humming sound, followed by movement, followed by heavy breathing. The list went on and on, but that didn’t make it any more memorable.
He tried to recapture the scene, but all he saw was melting rock, asteroids flying at great speed in all directions, an explosion swallowing the mining station whole, and two purple, gooey-looking creatures, both obviously female, with head tentacles and arm vents, now floating defiantly between them and IM Baetta.
“Heh, what says you, what says you, my sweet lass?” sang Pissboy. “Love me some goo. Let me get up all in that shit. Goo out on me, all over my face, that way I know you’re one of all them fallen. Well…”
They killed him and his corpse fell upon the last chinpou treat he had been clutching, smothering it. Beerus destroyed the murderer before she had any clue he was coming for her. A muffled scream fell to silence as she melted away from his destruction energy. It was oddly satisfying to watch. He was glad to remember accurately this shred of a memory. He felt like taking a nap, but he was taking a nap–this was a nap, this was not real life. He knew that because he was a god or some shit.
A scream, more fear than pain, was loosed by the other purple girl. IM Baetta’s head exploded, jettisoning blood into the air in a few long, thick spurts. They were alone… how? He did not remember. These were Majin Buu’s kind. He knew that much. He also knew the puse game was ridiculous so you can’t hate the player. He had to let her go. He had been warned before by Whis what would happen to him if he destroyed all of the Majins.
“Crushed it,” Liquiir lamented. “Will Zeno still like it?”
“I don’t know, he’s a little kid with infinite power. He could like anything, or nothing, and it doesn’t matter either way, because if we screw up, we’re dead, and we won’t know we’re dead until after we’re dead, and since after we’re dead, we won’t know anything, it’s pointless.”
“It’s over, as my boy Jiren used to say.”
“True that.”
They fist-pounded, but Beerus felt a little dirty afterwards, as in all his years leading up to this moment, he had never touched a furry before with his bare kitty claws. That was gross, and he never wanted to do it again. Liquiir had a knot; Beerus had barbs and a knot. That meant Beerus would win. That’s why he could use Ultra Instinct and none of the others could. He’d never eat a chinpou like those Saturday cucks.
“Oooooh, whaaaa…?! Is that a chinpou?! A real chinpou? Cool! Pretty! All I have to do is look at it to make my own chinpou tingly!”
“That’s right, Zeno-sama, this is the last chinpou in the universe!”
“Ooh, let me try it, it looks so delicious!”
“Please be careful with chinpou,” the Grand Priest warned him. “They can be quite sticky.”
“Alright, enough of this!” Beerus groaned, pacing before the two in embarrassment. “Wake me up already. I hate this next part. It’s not funny–it just makes me sick.”
The Grand Priest wagged his finger politely. “It would be funny to a filthy boy-maid like the writer of this story.”
“Gaah!”
Zeno pulled open the packet, and the melted chinpou splattered all over his face. “Ooh, this is so fun, this is so tasty, how cool Look at me! I’m covered in chinpou juice!!” Zeno jumped up on his imperial throne, dabbing respectably, licking the chinpou from his fingers.
Beerus awoke with a start, yelling half-madly and falling off of his cat tower. “Wha…? Where am I?! Whis! Whis!”
“Yes, Lord Beerus?” his attendant said, coming into the room, a half-eaten carton of pudding in his hand. Beerus wanted to vomit, but he hated vomiting so he didn’t. Sometimes that’s the best idea, but usually your stomach just says fuck you and goes for it anyways but I digress.
“Did I win?”
“I’m afraid not. Your brother is still sound asleep in his own cat tower just over there.”
On the other side of the room, Champa was lying on a much shorter cat tower on account of structural concerns in relation to his wicked godly size.
“Vados, I’ll give you a puddin’,” Beerus growled, noticing that his brother’s attendant was there too. “Come on, it’s my birthday!”
“Make it two and a whole carton of God of Destruction litter.”
“What the…?! Why?!”
She was unphased. “Those are my demands.”
Lord Beerus folded his arms impatiently. “You’re a hard-bargainer. Hmph, whatever. Whis, give her the goods.”
He did and so Vados cut Champa’s bed and half, and as he slid off it, Beerus hopped back into his bed, pulled down his nightcap over his eyes, and tried not to lose it when he heard his brother body slam the floor face first, totally unconscious until he wasn’t.
“Huh?! Hey… what happened here? What’s going on?! Did I win or what?!”
“Fraid not,” Whis sang sweetly.
“Of course not, Lord Champa. But you did good. I haven’t seen you nap that long in over a month.”
“How long were we out for?”
“Approximately one month… although Lord Beerus is still sound asleep, as you can see.”
Champa thrust a middle finger at his sleeping birthday brother, blew a raspberry, and declared that he was going home, and since there’s no cracker of a punchline prepared for this ending, I just want to mention that when Vados shaves her vagina, she doesn’t actually shave it at all, since real men are attracted to pubic hair and if you’re attracted to pubic hair, you have a lot of testosterone in you, and basically what I’m trying to say is if you like pubic hair, you’re gay ningen, like fo real my ningen, that’s some nasty-ass shit, good luck with that but im outta here ok like later homelies.
Endnotes[]
- The name of this story refers to the contest between Champa and Beerus that is only revealed halfway through the last scene. Since both are cats who need constant slumber, it felt like a fitting bout.
- Chinpou means penis, if that wasn't obvious. This is also why, in South Park, there was that episode about Chinpokemon. I don't have a good explanation as to why this was the theme I went with. Perhaps the stuff I was going through, articulated in Girl to some extent the year prior, had not yet been resolved, but I don't exactly remember.
- I would recommend anyone with a small penis to completely shave off their pubes. You only do yourself a disservice by not doing that. For some reason, Asians in particular seem to have a reluctance against shaving down there, and we all know what the statistical averages are for their penis sizes compared to other parts of the world.
- This is the first story of mine in which Champa and Vados appear. Although I don't dislike them, it will probably be the only time I write about them in a canon-friendly story.
- I must've been on a mix of adderall, weed, and alcohol for this first section. I don't know how else to describe it. It's manic, almost. Not quite neurotic as someone like TUN would get, but there's so much energy and hysteria, there had to be multiple drugs involved. I obviously don't remember, as this story was written almost three and a half years ago, but goddamn. I don't know if I ever wrote like this even in BYARMs. This may be the only story of mine that has this kind of energy. It's completely foreign to me.
- "You can tell most of the time just by how someone moves if they’re a giver or a taker, a talker or a choker, a biologically nonsensical existence or a plain normal one (like we all should be)." - of course, not always true, but even for the ones that fake it, there's little, subtle movements (particularly of the forearms/wrists) that give it away.
- I felt like making IM Baetta a GM instead would be too obvious a joke. Making him an FM would be too obscure. For that reason, International Master felt like the an underwhelming enough position for him to be in to warrant inclusion in this story.
- I can't remember who Pissboy was based on. There might've been a user on our discord back in the day. It might've been TUN, too. I honestly can't remember if TUN was into that, but because he's such an asshole, I am fine with potentially slandering his name in speculation.
- "Vados is pretty hot, although it’s a damn shame that her bean is no sausage." - this was a little too much. The beans are fine too, sometimes.
- The four skins of space jagaimo joke is probably the first quarter decent one in this section, aside from IM Baetta. Jagaimo means potato in Japanese, by the way.
- Whis rewound time because when writing English stories, it is never appropriate to use the Japanese spellings of words or names. This is something many noobs and fanonites make a mistake with, and that is completely unacceptable. Anyone who says Saiyajin instead of Saiyan is a disgrace to their parents and grandparents and further generations back.
- "Nelson Mandela had actually fucked that prostitute in the back of his brother’s car" - I don't know if this is an actual thing, or if this was just me referencing the supposed Mandela effect in a grotesque way. I don't care enough to look it up. On we go.
- "It’s never cool to look like an idiot in front of your portly little brother. Whether they be known as tub o’ lard, or the late-night chinpou-whistler, it’s all the same really." - this is a personal reference and a really mean one at that. Kind of regret this one.
- What gets Louis C.K. off is basically the opposite of what gets me off. Hard to empathize with a guy like that. Plus, he's a ginger, so that makes it doubly difficult.
- "It was almost like he was a cartoon or somethin’ (tsss tsss)." - this is a Chip Chipperson joke, which is the kind of joke TUN would never understand.
- "When we were kids, you didn’t appear in my origin story since you weren’t invented yet" - this refers to Before Creation Comes Destruction. Champa's existence sort of screws that story, but not entirely. Who's to say he's not off-screen the whole time? Or that Vados hadn't taken him prior to the start of it? You can't say for certain that the story broke canon, and so it hasn't.
- Little Dexter is the best cat I've ever had, although he can be very pushy. He is an extreme alpha male, the kind who can catch birds and snakes and rats and will leave certain body parts arranged in front of your door like a serial killer. I also like it when other cats try to come onto our property and he chases them away, never losing a fight. He's a glorious cat.
- The second section starts off in a very fractured way with the intention of confusing the reader. This should give a fairly obvious clue that what Beerus is experiencing isn't exactly real. He didn't go to a refrigerator on his homeworld. Multiple memories are bleeding together here.
- The Frieza joke in the second scene is surprisingly wholesome, considering the adult content of the rest of the story. Not sure why that is. It's a bit tonally atypical. But I like it. Frieza being an Agent of Destruction was something I always liked. It didn't feel like a Super retcon, as is the case with the Potara Earrings. I just wonder why King Cold and Cooler never became Agents of Destruction. Perhaps they didn't care enough. Anyways, Frieza is not actually a little kid here, but compared to Beerus, he is significantly inferior, so it makes sense why he would be humble. Of course this is a dream, so you never know if any of this actually happened, which is the beauty of it all.
- The Universal Tier List is a how Hyper Zergling and I view the powers of the canon characters (as well as our fanon characters).
- The room cleaning/space lobster part is a reference to Jordan Peterson.
- I will never let the "28 planets in the universe" comment from Shin go. Beerus articulates my thoughts on why it's canonically impossible for that number to be real, and I will never be convinced otherwise (unless there's a convincing argument).
- One of the more serious themes with Beerus is his feelings of inferiority due to not being able to master Ultra Instinct. I deal with this theme in a more serious way in the next one-shot collection (with the story Mushin), so this idea remained on my mind even after completing this story.
- "a beanie-wearing mangaka who poses for the press in the middle of his driveway at around a little past noon" - this refers to a very specific picture of Toriyama.
- What Zeno says to everyone is a reference to this.
- The style of joke with Zeno shaking everyone's hands and being super happy after destroying the six universes is a type of absurdist humor that I often employ in BYARMs. It is typical of my style in general.
- "This dream had been corrupted; he could feel it. That wasn’t what Liquiir had actually said." - this is the first time Beerus notices a corruption of either dialogue or action, but it's not the actual first one.
- "He was a big lad, the kind who shits five to six times a day and still finds time to grow a beard. When he shaves, he leaves his beard trimmings all over the sink, as if presenting a trophy, but who could that possibly impress? It’s not hard to wonder why he’s still single." - this is a reference to Mr. Q, one of my childhood friends. However, he raped a girl, so I'm no longer friends with him.
- Pissboy's rant about holes is very crude, but something that a lot of people should understand and perhaps even agree with. As for me, I don't know. I kind of like the meatflaps if I'm in the mood for them. He is right though that there's more interesting things to do with a chinpou.
- "This wasn’t right either, and it wasn’t funny, and it wasn’t meaningful, and there was no character development taking place." - this pretty much describes the entire story.
- "There was a vast patch of nothingness, followed by a distant humming sound, followed by movement, followed by heavy breathing. The list went on and on, but that didn’t make it any more memorable." - Beerus almost wakes up here. He comes about as close as possible.
- Sesami and Walu were drawn to the mining station because they are hunting Zalama's artifacts. Sesami can sense god ki, so she assumed where there's god ki, there's an artifact (as was the case in Universes 1, 2, and 4).
- Pissboy's goo fetish is based on TUN's goo fetish (although for him, he prefers the half-melted Fused Zamasu, since he's male). I don't remember if Pissboy in general was based on TUN, but I don't think so. I don't recall him having a piss fetish, but maybe that's just my poor memory. In any case, I don't care.
- The Majins must exist to keep the universe robust. They are a force of nature and aid Beerus in terms of culling worlds. They basically do his job for him while he sleeps, so it's to his benefit to keep the species around.
- One thing that is corrupted in the third scene is the encounter with Majins Walu and Sesami. Beerus did not meet them in Universe 8 canonically, but in Universe 5, with Arak, not Liquiir. And of course there is no Pissboy or IM Baetta in the reality of that scene, either. I will probably include a short story about this "true" encounter in my 15-story one-shot collection, which I have already written the first drafts of 8/15 stories for as of writing this commentary.
- I think Beerus' reaction to fist-bumping Liquiir was extremely appropriate, and perhaps even too mild a reaction.
- It is true that I am a boy-maid, and also like Zeno, I enjoy being covered in chinpou juice, so while this humor is very poor, it was fun to have a moment of self-depreciation.
- Undoubtedly, Vados wanted the litter for Champa, as it saves having to go through the effort of conjuring up some more when he runs out.
- I don't think that pubic hair debate is handled well at the end. This story ends with a whimper. With that said, sometimes pubic hair is good, and sometimes it looks better without it. One place that should never have pubic hair, though, is the ballsack. For women, a trim can look nice, and fully shaved can look nice, but I hate it when they go for artsy stuff like a heart or a triangle or shit like that. It looks too artificial in my opinion.
The story is kind of all over the place. It probably should have been a BYARM. I did like the stuff with the dream distortions and Beerus' insecurity regarding Ultra Instinct. The jokes were hit or miss, too. Probably my favorite was the one with Frieza's pictures in the second scene. The prose style is hard to describe. It's kind of bare-bones, so that's an improvement on the previous story, but overall, there wasn't much there. The dialogue was very outlandish and absurd, so it's hard to analyze before Beerus wakes up. In the end, I'll say that this is probably the weakest story in Vöntun, but it's better than I remember it. Still, it's probably a tick below mediocre.
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