The Guacamole Boys Hit the Town is a story I wrote in collaboration with Creeperman129. This is the second story I wrote with Creeperman for Baby You're a Rich Man. Much like with The Adventures of Beerus and Whis...IN SPACE!, this story was an improvisational comedy. We came up with the general story idea on DBF chat, and I made and named the google docs page that Creeperman and I used to write this story together. Originally, the title was a spur-of-the-moment working title, but I liked it enough to keep it as the final title.
Nearly every aspect of this story was improvised, though we did discuss writing primarily about Abo and Kado, and perhaps Tarble too. When writing this one, I didn't want to make it like the last one, so I took a much different approach. My style of writing was more laid-back and more free-wheelin'; I spent a majority of my prose exploring little things, like verbal dexterity with the characters, and had a more DD-influenced rant style that I was excited to try. I did a bit of that in my previous collab with Creeperman, but I really focused on it here. Also, my contributions were much shorter overall in this story compared to the last one (I had seven sections, compared to ten in the Beerus comedy, and I neither opened nor closed this one-shot).
So anyways, this story took a long time to write, mainly because we wrote only a section or two a day for the most part. Creeperman and I wrote our first sections on August 3, 2016. Then, we wrote our second sections on August 4. After that, Creeperman wrote the first line of his third section and nothing else was accomplished after that for several days. This is the exchange that the two of us had afterwards:
Creeperman: (Haven’t worked on it much :P) Kv: cool just work on it when you can Creeperman: TBH, that long paragraph kinda put me in a slump yesterday. Good writing I guess :P. Doesn’t help that I decided to read “The Kiling Joke” Kv: Dem boys ready for some partayy
Work was not continued on the story until Creeperman thought up his next section on August 12. I remember when I began my third section (the one that begins with "Pieces of a ragdoll mankind"), I was extremely high, and that section was a struggle for me to write. The 8 or so day break had messed up my writing flow, and being so high made it hard to concentrate. As a result, I didn't get much accomplished on August 12. However, the next day, I wrote almost all of the third section very early in the morning. Yes, I was high for that, which sort of sucked, because it meant I would be like that all day, but it was a rule I made for myself that I wouldn't write any of this story if I wasn't high.
Creeperman wrote his fourth section on August 14 and 15. An hour or so after he finished his fourth section, so too did I finish mine. We began working again on August 17 (I don't remember why we skipped a day). We finished the rest of the story that day, with Creeperman writing four more sections, and me writing my final three. My sections were overall longer than his, if I remember correctly, and we decided that it was best for the story if he ended it after my last one. So that's how that went. The story was posted on this site not long after.
I don't remember much of this story. I'll see how it is in the endnotes below. One thing I do want to remember though is that it was my goal to move the plot towards a club setting, where Abo and Kado could party with some fine hominids and drink and have a great time. I wanted to contrast their personalities with the setting, adding in Tarble, Mr. Satan and others. As you will see if you read this one, that didn't really turn out how I had expected. Like with the previous collab with Creeperman, I treated each one of my sections as a little vignette I could use for a specific purpose. I carried over some themes, such as partying and wishing to party until all the pain goes away, but mostly, each section was much different from the others, plot-wise. I did a lot of introductions for characters again; Creeperman focused on those characters in his sections much more than I did. There were a lot of references in my sections too, but I tried to not be as Beatles-centric in this one so as to not make it too similar to the Beerus story. A lot of what I wrote is just what came into my mind when I was high, no filter. It wasn't very important for me to make my sections comedic; more important was for them to be interesting and unique to me, visually-striking and memorable. Of course, it's hard to make a story memorable for yourself when you're high while writing it, because being high really fucks with your short-term memory (at least for me). Anyways, I think that's all I need to say about this on. Onto the endnotes!
Story[edit | edit source]
The stuff that I wrote is in bold.
It's been ten years since Abo and Kado were last seen. Where have they been through the Super series, you may ask? What crazy antics have they been up too? Why did they not attack Tarble...wait a minute...Where did Tarble go? All of these questions and more will be on the next episode of Dragon Ball Z…
Jk. The truth is they’ve been locked in Hercule’s basement for years. Why don’t they break out? Because he’s the world champ, that’s why! And no one messes with the world champ! So now you may be asking what this is building up too and why I mentioned a ten year gap when we aren’t even going to that gap. That was just to give one less of an inconsistency in Dragon Ball Super. Anyways, the real story begins before they are captured by Mark. Soon after his party.
After finally realizing that their pods broke from their own blasts when they fused, they went to ask Bulma for money, but she said no because she thought of them as lazy idiots.
“I demand a spaceship to return to my beautiful homeworld!” Abo pined majestically.
“I am Kado, the brother of Abo, and I declare that our homeworld was destroyed by Frieza years ago!” Kado said passionately.
Abo was angry about that backstabbing Kado who looked like a rotund açaí berry. “Curse you, heathen. Can’t you see I’m trying to leave this dump?”
Bulma was braiding her blue, blue hair out in public which was odd since that’s indecent exposure. “Go away, I never want to see you ugly aliens again. One time I was on Namek and I fell in love with a prince who became a frog, it was dreadful, but soooooooooo romantic!” Her face went red and she ran into Capsule Corp to take care of some business fast.
“Well my child since we can’t escape, let’s go see the sights of this world!” Kado roared awkwardly.
“Okay, I believe in you, my favorite twin brother.”
So off they walked until they came to the Mr. Satan party extravaganza where Mr. Satan was holding yet another party celebrating his wonderful accomplishments, such as beating Cell and defeating Majin Buu (but since the Dragon Balls were used to wipe everyone’s memory of Buu, no one had any idea what he was talking about when he brought up how he slew the fat pink beast, everyone just thought that Mr. Satan had gone insane and wondered when he would be put in a straightjacket).
“Hey, Abo, it’s that chimp guy, right?” the blue buffon asked his brother.
“No, Tarble’s the chimp. That guy’s the champ,” Kabo responded while pointing to the psychopath and the person next to him calling 911.
“So if the champ isn’t a chimp, then the champ isn’t a chump?” Abo asked confused
“Yea. Since the champ isn’t a chump and a chimp, it is, by my definition, that he’s not Tarble, meaning he’s a rich non-Saiyan, single, egotistical fighter,” Kabo concluded. “Which means HE can make us a ship with all his money!”
Unfortunately for the two space fellows, as soon as they started to walk up to Mr. Satan, the cops handcuffed him and threw him in their trunk (no, not the car trunk. Trunks made a type of car which looks exactly like him. And the cops thought that the champ was insane…)
“I like that guy. I like this world.” Abo puffed out his chest. “I’m going to save that crazy man with the broccoli hair!”
“No brother do not do this, I want to go to all the clubs!” Kado whined. “They have the most delicate flavors of paint thinner in their bars, I want to taste them all.”
“Uncle Bonecurd can wait,” Abo replied. “Remember that we aren’t villains anymore Kado, and my name is actually Avo now.”
“No, it’s canon fact. Now I wanna save the champ.”
“There are lovely girls and so much horrible alcohol, I just want to die,” said Kado. “Life is meaningless, this is what I really call a party now.”
“Shut your butterhole,” Abo screamed. He ripped off his armor and screamed, “I’m gonna be the new champ! I’m not a bad guy anymore!” He sailed through the air blowing up a hundred buildings by accident as he chased down the police. People screamed, look at ‘em burn. Those randos don’t matter at all, who really cares when random pedestrians die? Like when Buu was turning everyone into candy, I didn’t care at all because I’ve never heard of those people before. If you think about it, that’s true in real life too. I don’t care about anyone, and everyone dies, and life’s meaningless. But the best part about it all is that that’s not true at all. I like guacamole dip, but not that much. It’s not really good enough to talk about or bother making, but people keep making it and bringing it out as dips or putting it on menus like we’re supposed to like it, but it’s just average at best, so I don’t see why they are wasting their pointless lives trying to make me like guacamole more.
“Man, lookit these fine honhons!” Kado wailed. “I wanna explore their insides!”
“Not now, Kado, we have a real caper on our hands!” So Abo shot Kado in the face and Kado went down, that G hit the ground like a bush baby in a tree swinging around a chainsaw like it’s 1969.
Ironically, Kado landed right in front of the Trunks-mobile, if you will, slamming the car to a halt instantly.
“Hey, help me random strangers!” the old champ replied as Kado threw him up in the air to Avo, who grabbed him.
“BRO! Kill him so you can be the champ!” the red demon man screamed.
Avo looked at Mr. Satan who looked at him with puppy dog eyes, making Avo throw him down.
“I just realized, you’re both demon guys! As the Vegan Champ of Justice, I must stop you!”
Kado caught the champ in mid air and tossed him back to the new champ. However, Abo hit him back to his brother, starting a ping pong fight between the two. Thanks to Mark being immortal, the match lasted three days straight. People came far and wide to see the match. Somehow, after not hitting a single building with the makeshift ball, the Vegan Champ hit him into a building, stopping Satan in his tracks.
The spectators were shocked to see that the round ended in a stalemate, but because they were stupid and wanted their millions of skyscrapers and thousands of round building things to be destroyed, they called for a second round.
Pieces of a ragdoll mankind were spread across the ground like the fingernails of giants. Hercule Satan stood on the pier like a grizzled veteran. Like blood pulled through a vein, he pierced them with his gaze. “Yer doin’ this right here? In my house?!?! Well, I ain’t the champ for nothing!”
He rushed at Abo and Kado, who were busy playing tennis for giants. But Hercule looked like a real demon, a proper son of Dabura if I ever saw one. So when Abo and Kado got a good look at him, they shrieked and fled, swearing that Mr. Satan looked like something that had crawled out of the pages of some novel.
Though they chased Xanadu, the mud angels in the deepest crevices of the ocean were coming out to play, and they attacked Abo and Kado, and the two spent up most of their energy trying to shake those Lekgolo-wannabes away with energy and burning plasma.
And when they had crawled through this sudden and most unexpected nightmare first issued by one Hercule Satan, Abo and Kado, the aliens from space, found themselves in front of a club called, ‘The Guac’. It was the most fortuitous thing that had happened to them since their mother (aka A. Toriyama) named them after the same mediocre fruit.
“Now you stop playing tennis on my court!” the demon champ howled while spitting out Mr Satan plushies(™) to send them into the demon club.
As the two were shoved into the place, Mark had sealed the door with said plushies and cackled at his heroic deed before he was carried down back to where he came by the mud angels. Or at least they tried. You see, they realized that even though in other animes mud monsters may be fearsome creatures, in Dragon Ball where demons and gods can be beaten without compelling, they stood no chance against Mark...who was one of those demons. In the end, the monsters were turned into a mud pie, which Hercule threw at the door to seal the two aliens in even more.
Meanwhile, in the club, the Vegan Champ and Kado were being attacked by giant avocado men with blue scarfs as arms and each with a golden pistol, shooting their own kind’s hearts out at them. The two were struggling to dodge their bullets until Avo took a giant chunk of an avocado man and chewed him into bits.
“VEGAN POWAAAAAAAAH!” the new champ screamed while transforming into his Vegacado form.
When he finished charging for three episodes, Avo showed his new form to everyone in the bar. His skin turned a sickly green with giant blue and brown spots spread through his body. He also became only three inches tall and grew luscious plaid hair.
Suddenly, everyone collapsed as an army of angry lil Whatleys marched in. They were all dressed as dentists, though most of them weren’t even good enough to be dental assistants. They began to probe and poke at all the unconscious patrons, doing untold dental things to everyone.
It was a wonderful, tame party. Everyone was very excited to be suddenly and without warning knocked unconscious, especially Kado. Kado has enough personality to cover for everyone in Dragon Ball Z. As Kado dreamed, he moaned out like a dog and kicked his little legs, you had to see how he kicked ‘em. And as it so happens, all of the Whatleys are pretty weak, so he killed them all in his sleep. When everyone woke up 37 hours later, they were surprised to find piles of corpses, the last of the Whatley dynasty, wiped out by a sleeping space alien who had a nightmare or something.
“I am going to be a good guy,” declared Abo.
“No, they’re calling you Avo now,” Kado reminded Abo.
“I do not want to be Avo. Avo is a terrible, ugly name and I want to be Abo!”
“You were only Abo because there is no ‘v’ sound in Japanese.”
“Then how did we get Vegeta, huh?”
“Shut up, you arctic curd!” Kado threw an energy blast at Abo, incinerating dozens of dancing people around them. Everyone screamed and the music stopped and Abo and Kado were kicked out of the club. It was really devastating for their social lives. Without the club, what were they? Neither of them knew. They had maybe 13 braincells between them.
Abo got a bright idea, a real kicker if you will: “Let’s go see Tarble, he’s still here, he’ll know what to do!”
“At one point in my life, I wanted to kill that pathetic prince!” Kado rambled on with passion. “It was not very long ago. He killed all my soldiers, but I won’t forget!”
That was when Patchjaw went, “Oh, oh, oh, I’ve been down unda, and lemme tell ya, it’s quite a ride!”
Abo stared at the creature surprised and asked, “Who are you?”
Patchjaw merely replied by putting the two into his mouth, a mouth the size of Queen Brandy’s black hole. With that, the Giant Australian Pirate Snake dug underground and ended up in Tarble’s turnip garden.
“Here ya folks are! Tarble gave me ‘is turnips in return fer ya,” Patchjaw cried out as he ate most of the turnips in the garden. Unfortunately, Gure was in the middle of that garden and was also chewed up. Tarble looked out his window and came out smiling at the two aliens.
“Hey guys! You need help right?”
However, Avo was too sad because he wanted to eat the turnips since he couldn’t finish his meal all those years ago. Meanwhile Kado tilted his head and screamed, “Don’t you care that your wife just died?!”
“It’s fine! This soil is really good for growing plants!”
Tarble kept smiling as he went to pull out one of the remaining turnips and morphed it into a human-like shape. Soon enough, after applying a little bit of ki, a new Gure was made.
“Hi! I’m Tarble’s wife, Gure! Nice to meet you!”
Kado stepped back out of fear and fused with the crying Avo out of desperation.
“YOU ARE A MONSTER!” the fused being screamed.
“Um...you’re a giant purple man with spikes on your body,” Tarble responded while shaving off the new Gure’s green vegetable head.
There were pigeons now on market square. Gure was standing in her underwear. Master Roshi’s nose was bleeding like a marsupial kingpin, and it took him only a few moments to fall over dead from his blood loss. It was a terribly wonderful event. Tarble was ecstatic to see the old Muten Turtle dead again. He definitely deserved to die after all the years he’d spent getting sand in his shell and watching old VCRs of his favorite female yoga trainers. Somehow, he became immortal a long time ago, like Mercenary Tao and Master Shen, and that shit was crazy, but Toriyama barely ever mentioned it, which I found very weird. It’s like when Garlic Jr. became immortal, even though Tori-bot had nothing to do with that. It’s especially confusing that the Mountain Bird, aka Gauche Akira, would give such a wonderful prize to random characters, and I wonder why Vegeta never wished for immortality after he came to Earth. Like during the Pink Shirt Saga, that was primetime for Vegeta to get that immortality out of the way. He was still pretty evil around that time, but I guess he was too busy taking showers to fulfill his life’s quest. Plus, he was busy trying to get inside Bulma’s various crevices, so can you really blame the guy? Coincidentally, that’s also the point at which Vegeta stopped being the coolest character in Dragon Ball Z, so you never know.
Anyways, Vegeta’s brother, the gangsta Tarble (he got that oldschool Oaktown blood, jafeel me) is the antagonist of this story, so we’ll forget about the carrot-haired princeling for now. “Yo, Aka, this is cray, brah.”
Aka grunted a mean grunt. “Sing it monster.”
“I ain’t no monster,” the prince cried. “I’m an OG playa.”
“You are definitely a retcon, Tarble,” Aka replied angrily. “There was no hint you ever existed before your TV special!”
Tarble beat his chest and did a whole line of heroin in midair. He did his best vegetable impression when he said, “Take that back, space trash!”
Aka would not let up now. He was a fusion after all. That meant he had to go all out. “Remember in the Pink Shirt Saga when Vegeta mentioned how there were only four Saiyans who survived the Genocide of the Saiyans, and he didn’t mention you?”
“He just forgot!” Tarble blushed.
“Shit Toei get your shit together! I gotta get in that club, mayne. Gotta get me some of that Patron and the goose, and man I’m deep!” Aka grunted a second mean grunt and exploded a ki wave that destroyed the garden. Patchjaw, who was messin’ about in the bush, was flung wildly towards the moon. He screamed and cried for the outback, but it was no use. He went blasting off again to the moon where Boss Rabbit, Rabbit #1, and Rabbit #2 were playing Chinese Poker with Phil Hellmuth and was never seen again except for a few more times in this story.
And so the battle to end all battles commenced. Tarble grabbed his new wife and threw her at the fusion, with Aka grabbing her and eating the vegetable soon after. Tarble responded by punching him up into the dirt into King Worm’s lair, who began to put both into a deep sleep. Thankfully, the remains of the mud angels fell down through the ground and blinded the King. The battle continued upwards, with random punches and kicks not even coming close to hit the opponent. Eventually, they ended up in the Devil’s yard once again, and destroyed it completely
“Look what you did, retconrott!” Tarble screamed, still impersonating his forgetful brother. Maybe he also hit his head as a baby. It would prove why Goku and Vegeta are best buds, after all. Anyways, the two kept fighting until Mark himself came out of his house, eating the remains of Whatleys and screamed at the top of his lungs, “Heyeyeyeyeye! What’s going on?” With that, He-Man came out of the dirt with his drill powers because of the champ’s summoning and punched Tarble into the moon, where the Boss Rabbit and his gang make their second appearance in this story. Sadly, due to Tarble’s impact on the planetoid, not only did their game get interrupted, but Boss Rabbit accidently fell on the great poker player, turning him into a moon carrot (see, it's a carrot, but on the moon. Because apparently being from the moon makes you automatically better. Like moon rocks...and moon cheese).
“Neyeyeye! Now I won the game!” Boss Rabbit explained, as it turned out after making other rabbits for so many years, the boss turned his two lackeys into carrots and nibbled on them, making them unable to become human again. How Phil got on the moon to play, no one knows. Tarble quickly played a hand in the poker game in Phil’s place, though, and beat him, making cover his face in shame and turning him into a carrot. This still isn’t his last appearance though.
Tarble finally decided to fly back down to Earth and found He-Man destroying Aka’s club which he loved so much, with the purple man being unable to stop it because of Satan’s ultimate power. Deciding to suddenly become a hero and transform into a Super Saiyan, breaking Satan’s bonds of power and making the co-author cry.
“I’m a good playa now!” Tarble screamed as he transformed He-Man into another club with his Super Saiyan powers. Aka flew up to Tarble and hugged him and was about to thank him, but realized that his squished him to death. Hugging isn’t allowed in Dragon Ball, apparently. First with Cell, then with Bojack, and now this. On the bright side though, Kid Vegeta is happy to know that Tarble still can’t fight...especially since he’s dead.
When you’re dead, you wonder why you bothered. Tarble was a lil cutie with his halo on his head, but he didn’t get even one of those balla angel wings like Goku right before Majin Buu woke up. It was a sad state of affairs. Aside from Mr. Satan, and Abo and Kado, Tarble had been one of the last people in canon to have never died. But now he gone, shit that nigga down yooooooooo.
All my peeps on the block took it real hard.
“Yo piece homie, shit I dinmeen ta do that, shiieeeeeeet yo.”
“Alright, no worries Aka,” Tarble yawned. “I guess life isn’t so different now. I have this halo over my head, but that’s about it.”
“Also, you better not die again, cuz then, uh oh Christmas Suzie,” said a man named Pepperidge Peebody’s Worth. “Blam ma’am, no thank you Sam! Haha, that was a good rhyme!” he shouted in jubilation before taking out a pistol and shooting himself in his face. It was real sad because he was just a small town girl living in a lonely world. And he took that midnight train, baby, that train Tarble just couldn’t take.
“Take me to that club, yo!” Aka roared in frustration. “I wanna swag yolo party with all my homie Gs, y’all!” he said stereotypically. “Man I wanna party and get drunk and there’s nothing like that, I’m tellin’ ya, my puse game is ridiculous!!”
“Okay Aka, settle down, this is Dragon Ball,” Tarble whispered angrily to the huge purple berry man.
“Horrible swine!” Aka shouted at his shadow. “Difficult, hideous, wretched swine!”
Meanwhile, Mark was reminiscing about his life, how he was named Mark because he wanted to be as evil as the creator of Facebook. He was so evil that he put MySpace out of relevance. Mark idolised him, to the point of making training dummies with the MySpace logo on it while having a crash test dummy version of his idol watch. This is why you don’t sent paparazzi to find info about your idols, kids.
Not really. Double fake out. Creative, yes. Mark decided to stop having his Mark fetish and ate Tarble’s halo, bringing the prince back to life.
“Now you can take me to the club, bro, hommie slice, dog, cat mouse!” Aka’s insanity began to set in. For you see, once someone goes into the Guac bar, they become obsessed with it and never want to leave. Then, Hercule had an idea. An awful idea. The fetish devil got a wonderful, awful idea. He grabbed the purple bloat and threw him into one of his devil cages in his basement, where he wanted them to stay insane there forever...but not if Tarble had to say anything about it. Also, Boss Rabbit hasn’t appeared again, so it can’t end yet.
“Imma do the things that I wanna do!” Aka sang with the ire of a thousand Nazgul.
“I ain’t gotta thing to prove to you!” Tarble agreed. The poor prince appeared to be insatiably impressionable.
Suddenly, like water demons, the two sprung up into the air, breaking free from their cages, and the shackles of society and mortalkind. Then, they soared, up with the Pidgey and golden Ho-Oh. They flew all the way to the Guac, the best club in the city, or at least one of the ones that has at least 2 stars on Yelp (there aren’t many).
In one corner, synthetic beings sucked on vapor and oil, and all Aka could think was that Dr. Gero would be so proud. And then you have to wonder how Aka knows Dr. Gero. Did they meet a long time ago in outer space? Or did Aka come to Earth a decade back? No one knows, especially not Android 19. There are no video tapes or pictures or anything like that, and you definitely can’t find them on the internet.
Aka danced with some fine ladies in the place where everyone dances and that DJ be droppin’ some sick beats y’all. They be floatin’ from the inside, killin everything they see. Tarble very much enjoyed the party. He found a meerkat-looking man in the corner who was staring at the hotties like a lemur on LSD. It was the most fortuitous sighting of the zoo-hating crazer-brah, Dr. Fredwhalt Mercer (merci, et tu?).
“Lots of pick-ups in this one, huh?” Tarble asked, tryna act all cool now, jafeel (holla).
“Yeah… yep!” pipped the pep pep, look at him go. “But none of them compare to Beyonce for me.”
“Okay, okay, we get it, you’re not a-”
“Fricken tarsiers, man! Eeaaauuuaah! I swear, mmmmm…” he said, his beady little eyes dartin’ all about the club (holla) as he spoke. He sucked on the side of his pinky finger, as if nursing some imaginary bite from an equally imaginary tarsier. “Those little guys aren’t puffballs, I’ll tell ya! Ha! More like little devils…”
“Did someone say… Devil?!” came the roar of only one person in the whole wild world.
“The champ!” a woman cried out.
Another man in the crowd nodded. “The champ!”
“Wow, it’s the champ!” said a kid, freeballin’ like he straight outta a comic with that cliched role, jafeel me.
“The champ!” said a stern, but proud man.
“The champ!” agreed an equally plain housewife, all prettied up for a night on the town.
“Yeah, that’s me,” laughed Mark. That bitch knocked down the club wall like he could chop through 49 bricks or something. That sent the cockroaches flying into the walls and the synthenoids buzzing anxiously out onto the streets. “The devil himself,” breathed Hercule. “Come ‘n get me!”
“Shit yo, it’s about to go down!” Tarble said in awe, his mouth agape as he dropped his sippy cup.
However, the sippy cup led to Hercule’s downfall, as devil’s have a massive fear of them. It's like the devil searching out random people in and elevator for doing tiny crimes...EXCEPT IT'S REAL! Hercule distenergated into nothing but more cockroaches, as everyone partied on in the club, including the carrot Boss Rabbit, who got down from the moon the same way Phil went up.
However, the devil won in the end, as not only the club trapped everyone in there forever, but as a cockroach, he could go into his idol’s cockroach filled home and carry out his fetish for the rest of his days. Which is forever since cockroaches can’t die
No fake outs this time. Oh wait...um...ignore this part.
Endnotes[edit | edit source]
- The name of this story was originally a placeholder title, but a short while after I wrote it, I remembered I wrote it, saw it, and liked it. It was meant to convey the direction I wanted to take this story, but that didn't end up happening too much.
- So there is no Abo and Kado rule34 for some reason, which sucked, so I had to move on to Tarble. And the shit that was there with Tarble was awful, almost all of it. This was the best one I could find, and I don't think there was another one I could have chosen, to be honest, they were all so bad.
- In my first section, I tried to get Abo and Kado to talk like high alien space nerds.
- Abo has a horrible temper.
- "Go away, I never want to see you ugly aliens again. One time I was on Namek and I fell in love with a prince who became a frog, it was dreadful, but soooooooooo romantic!" - I hate it when that happens to me.
- Kado is certainly not the father of Abo. That was a very metaphorical statement about Abo from Kado, and not true even in the slightest.
- "So off they walked until they came to the Mr. Satan party extravaganza where Mr. Satan was holding yet another party celebrating his wonderful accomplishments, such as beating Cell and defeating Majin Buu (but since the Dragon Balls were used to wipe everyone’s memory of Buu, no one had any idea what he was talking about when he brought up how he slew the fat pink beast, everyone just thought that Mr. Satan had gone insane and wondered when he would be put in a straightjacket)." - this is one of the few times one of my mildly inappropriate ramblings will be related to Dragon Ball. But everything in here is true, which is why it's even cooler, because this canon error happened in Tarble's special.
- I just want to say that I quite enjoyed Creeperman's second section. I saw definite growth in him as a writer in this story.
- "“I like that guy. I like this world.” Abo puffed out his chest. “I’m going to save that crazy man with the broccoli hair!”" - this line is a reference to Danny Mothers.
- "“No brother do not do this, I want to go to all the clubs!” Kado whined. “They have the most delicate flavors of paint thinner in their bars, I want to taste them all.”" - I have often compared various hard alcohols to paint thinner, and I think that's especially true for whiskey and brandy.
- Avo is an uglier name than Abo. I don't care if that's what Dragon Ball Wiki uses now.
- "“There are lovely girls and so much horrible alcohol, I just want to die,” said Kado. “Life is meaningless, this is what I really call a party now.”" - so I wanted to approach the party theme from the perspective of nihilism. There are various thematic influences on me that got me to that point, but I can't possibly list them all. What I will do is note that the end of this bit of dialogue is a reference to a lyric in Lampshades on Fire, a song I was listening to a lot around the time I wrote this story with Creeperman, for I was also working on the first chapter of Chasing Oblivion ("Lampshades on Fire" is the theme song of that story) during the writing of this story. There are other references to Chasing Oblivion in my later sections of this story that I will mention in the below endnotes.
- The long rant in part 2 was a long time coming. I had talked about similar things to much lesser capacities in other stories in Baby You're a Rich Man as well as in this story. This was just the moment to go full on rambling-mode. I tried to do a ramble or two every section of mine, and this turned into the second section's one. It's probably my finest one in the entire collection. As mentioned at the top of the page, that paragraph affected Creeperman, which prevented us from continuing to write this guacbois story for several days. Anyways, when I'm high, I usually don't give a fuck about anything, and, perhaps alarmingly, I've noticed this feeling of general apathy has extended to my general state of being. So I wanted to capture a bit of that general emotional feeling of mine in the text. The actual paragraph's words are stuff that I do believe, although perhaps not to the severity argued in the prose. "But the best part about it all is that that’s not true at all." - that line is rather interesting as a way to end the "life is pointless waah waah waah" rambling. Perhaps life is meaningless, but perhaps that doesn't matter. I don't think finding meaning in life is perhaps even relevant to living - at least the meaning that philosophers and emo kids try to find. Just do what you want to do and try to have fun, and that should be good enough... right?
- The part in the rant about guacamole being average at best is something I do believe. I live in an area where guacamole is used all the time in restaurants and sold in the grocery stores, so I'm exposed to it a lot. Maybe the guacamole I have is terrible, but every time I've had it, I've been severely unimpressed by how mediocre it is. This mediocrity was an intentional parallel to Abo and Kado, whose names are punned off the fruit that is the main ingredient of guacamole.
- "“Man, lookit these fine honhons!” Kado wailed. “I wanna explore their insides!”" - I did not write this as a sexual line, though it could be considered such. Let's just say that Kado enjoys meat a lot.
- "So Abo shot Kado in the face and Kado went down, that G hit the ground like a bush baby in a tree swinging around a chainsaw like it’s 1969." - this random line is a reference to my friend's dad who cut down part of their plum tree while sitting in it with a chainsaw.
- "Pieces of a ragdoll mankind were spread across the ground like the fingernails of giants." - beautiful reference line that actually references lyrics to two different songs (this one and this one). I wrote the first part of the sentence on one day, got too high to continue writing, and finished it (and the rest of my third section) the next day whilst listening to that Radical Face song.
- I particularly like badass Mr. Satan. I get that his dialogue can be funny, but I also just wanted to show how full of himself he is, how much he believes he is the legend he is thought to be.
- I don't actually think Mr. Satan looks anything like Beelzebub. Beelzebub is far more handsome.
- So yeah, there are overall quite a bit of lyric references to "Rivers in the Dust" by Radical Face in my third section. Far more than I remember writing, at least.
- "Though they chased Xanadu, the mud angels in the deepest crevices of the ocean were coming out to play, and they attacked Abo and Kado, and the two spent up most of their energy trying to shake those Lekgolo-wannabes away with energy and burning plasma." - this is a reference to a story about Icarus I wrote in a class a few semesters (the mud angels themselves are based on the album cover of Ágætis byrjun by Sigur Ros, one of the greatest albums ever made in my opinion - incidentally, that album cover is also my wikia avatar). This is also a slight reference to the third chapter of my Ratchet & Clank fanon, Where Our Specters Lie.
- When I ended my third section, I was hoping Creeperman would take Abo and Kado inside 'The Guac' so they could get the partying they desperately needed.
- "Suddenly, everyone collapsed as an army of angry lil Whatleys marched in. They were all dressed as dentists, though most of them weren’t even good enough to be dental assistants. They began to probe and poke at all the unconscious patrons, doing untold dental things to everyone." - not sure where this came from or what prompted me to include this paragraph in this story, but it is a reference to Dr. Tim Whatley from Seinfeld.
- My fourth section is just one meta joke after another. It's interesting to evaluate these sections now and see how different they all are. They definitely appear to have been written on different days, in different states-of-mind. The stuff about Abo's name was me venting a little bit of my own frustration on his name being changed on the Dragon Ball Wiki in a comedic way.
- "“Shut up, you arctic curd!”" - this insult is a reference to the arctic tern scene from Whose Line Is It Anyway?.
- "“At one point in my life, I wanted to kill that pathetic prince!” Kado rambled on with passion. “It was not very long ago. He killed all my soldiers, but I won’t forget!”" - it was my goal to write awkward, bold dialogue for Abo and Kado, and I think this is perhaps the most successful dialogue that's like that in the story.
- "That was when Patchjaw went, “Oh, oh, oh, I’ve been down unda, and lemme tell ya, it’s quite a ride!”" - introducing Patchjaw is like how I introduced all those characters in the Beerus story. He's one of the few I introduced in this one, and as usual, Creeperman ended up spending more time on him than I did. Patchjaw is a reference to Patchface from A Song of Ice and Fire. I made him Australian because I love Australia.
- "There were pigeons now on market square. Gure was standing in her underwear." - this is a reference to Mary Jane's Last Dance by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers. I used that song to open chapter 1 of Chasing Oblivion, so I was listening to it a lot around the time I wrote my fifth section. Pretty grave opening, though.
- "Master Roshi’s nose was bleeding like a marsupial kingpin" - I made it up, but I quite like the phrase "marsupial kingpin".
- Toriyama itself means mountain bird in Japanese, or at least some readings of it do.
- Gauche Akira is my favorite name for the writer of Dragon Ball. Apt insult for how I feel about him.
- The rambling about immortality is another thing I've oft thought about in the Dragon Ball universe. This was about the only place I could have posted it, though. It's cool that two of my ramblings have been related to Dragon Ball. I was particularly harsh on Vegeta because his character was pretty much ruined after Namek, and that saddened me greatly. Still, he's pretty great in the Pink Shirt Saga.
- I only just realized that I was comparing everyone's hair to vegetables. Dunno why I was doing that, and I don't think it was a conscious theme. But Vegeta's hair definitely looks carrot-like.
- Abo and Kado became gangster in the fifth section because I was getting tired of only writing them as awkward, confident nerds. I wanted to mix things up a bit. And also, when I get really high, I like to write like a real gangsta (not really).
- The Tarble retcon stuff is not something I actually believe - Tarble is absolutely canon, as are Abo and Kado. But the thing I was poking fun at was how, at various points in Dragon Ball Z, Vegeta stated there were only four Saiyans who survived Planet Vegeta's destruction (Goku, Raditz, Nappa, and himself), which perhaps is a contradiction, or else he forgot about Tarble or wanted to keep his brother a secret. Even if he wasn't lying, I don't think this is a canon breach, and instead, more likely just Vegeta withholding information, either deliberately or not. But I did have fun make more meta jokes about the Dragon Ball universe.
- The vegetable impression that Tarble does is indeed a Vegeta impression.
- "“Shit Toei get your shit together! I gotta get in that club, mayne. Gotta get me some of that Patron and the goose, and man I’m deep!” Aka grunted a second mean grunt and exploded a ki wave that destroyed the garden. Patchjaw, who was messin’ about in the bush, was flung wildly towards the moon. He screamed and cried for the outback, but it was no use. He went blasting off again to the moon where Boss Rabbit, Rabbit #1, and Rabbit #2 were playing Chinese Poker with Phil Hellmuth and was never seen again except for a few more times in this story." - this was a fun transition from the Tarble retcon stuff. So I made a lot of references here. Most of the early lines are lyric references to Can't Stop Partying by Rivers Cuomo. I thought that song was an apt reference-machine for the partying theme of this story. Phil Hellmuth is my favorite poker player, so that's why I gave him a place in this story. Tying him to Boss Rabbit and Patchjaw was pretty random, too.
- My sixth section went off the rails almost at once. That's usually a sign that I'm quite high. There was very little dancing around or building stuff up. I just went all out in that section with the gangsta crescendo.
- I took it real hard when Creeperman killed Tarble, but that is nothing compared to the devastation of learning that Tarble didn't get those awesome angel wings Goku had in promotional material around the Majin Buu arc.
- "“Also, you better not die again, cuz then, uh oh Christmas Suzie,” said a man named Pepperidge Peebody’s Worth. “Blam ma’am, no thank you Sam! Haha, that was a good rhyme!” he shouted in jubilation before taking out a pistol and shooting himself in his face. It was real sad because he was just a small town girl living in a lonely world. And he took that midnight train, baby, that train Tarble just couldn’t take." - this might be my favorite bit of this story. Lots to talk about. So, much of this is just fancies of mine that I came up with while high. I remember finding this part so funny when I wrote it that I had to stop because I couldn't type I was laughing so hard. The part where he shoots himself in the face is probably a reference to Crushing Blue. It adds to the nihilistic themes pretty well, too. The last few lines are a reference to Don't Stop Believin' by Journey. I was listening to that song as I wrote that paragraph. Really interesting dark turn about halfway through the paragraph, and that song aided that tonal shift perfectly.
- "“Take me to that club, yo!” Aka roared in frustration. “I wanna swag yolo party with all my homie Gs, y’all!” he said stereotypically. “Man I wanna party and get drunk and there’s nothing like that, I’m tellin’ ya, my puse game is ridiculous!!”" - Aka's frustration is a bit of my own that we haven't really shown anyone partying in the club, despite some of them being in The Guac for several sections. Aka essentially has blue balls. He's an alien who doesn't really know what it means to party on an alien planet like this one, so he's embarrassing himself. The "puse game" part is of course a reference to one of my favorite memes. I've referenced that meme in a lot of my non-canon stories.
- "“Okay Aka, settle down, this is Dragon Ball,” Tarble whispered angrily to the huge purple berry man." - this line still makes me laugh. To an extent this line and Aka's last line are a bit of a metaphor for me and Creeperman.
- "“Horrible swine!” Aka shouted at his shadow. “Difficult, hideous, wretched swine!”" - this line wasn't originally supposed to end my sixth section (the previous Tarble quote was meant to), but I came up with it in a sudden moment of realization that I should show the alien making obnoxious, semi-inappropriate, not-really-accurate curses at Tarble. In a way, this is a return to the dialogue of the beginning of the story, but it has more energy in it. There's also the fact that he's yelling these curses at himself, and not actually at Tarble, but the awkwardness of his speech is what I like the most about the line.
- I do wish Creeperman's last two sections were longer. I have these two long sections in between them, so I think that would have worked better to make all of the sections similar in size.
- "“Imma do the things that I wanna do!” Aka sang with the ire of a thousand Nazgul./“I ain’t gotta thing to prove to you!” Tarble agreed. The poor prince appeared to be insatiably impressionable." - these lines of dialogue are a reference to Pork and Beans by Weezer.
- "Then, they soared, up with the Pidgey and golden Ho-Oh." - this line references my Pokemon story, A Just Edge.
- "They flew all the way to the Guac, the best club in the city, or at least one of the ones that has at least 2 stars on Yelp (there aren’t many)." - that's a withering takedown of Satan City's clubs.
- "In one corner, synthetic beings sucked on vapor and oil, and all Aka could think was that Dr. Gero would be so proud. And then you have to wonder how Aka knows Dr. Gero. Did they meet a long time ago in outer space? Or did Aka come to Earth a decade back? No one knows, especially not Android 19. There are no video tapes or pictures or anything like that, and you definitely can’t find them on the internet." - very cool aesthetic section mixed with a bit of rambling. This is quite a sophisticated section that fused several different writing styles I've already in this story. The aesthetics are based on Nar Shaddaa from the Star Wars universe.
- "They be floatin’ from the inside, killin everything they see." - this line reminds me of ancient Japanese Ukiyo prints, as well as the floating world in Before Creation Comes Destruction.
- The meerkat-looking man is based on my old Biological Anthropology professor who left quite an impression on me. His look, manner of speech, and the plot related to him are tied into how he presented himself in class. I had a lot of fun with that part. He's the epitome of a vignette-style character in this story.
- What was Tarble going to say the Dr. wasn't? Well, it was something that I've thought about my professor, and I think is true, but it's too controversial to put in this story, so I had the good doctor interrupt Tarble before the poor prince could finish his wondrous line.
- The stuff about Beyonce and the tarsiers are things my professor has brought up on multiple occasions.
- Nice set-up/transition to Mr. Satan's entrance in the seventh section. I specifically tailored the dialogue for that to happen.
- "“Shit yo, it’s about to go down!” Tarble said in awe, his mouth agape as he dropped his sippy cup." - this line epitomizes what I was trying to do in this story.
- Overall, I'm a bit disappointed that Creeperman didn't expand his last section a bit more. I set him up for an epic showdown with Mr. Satan and anyone and everyone. I mean, it's not a bad ending, but it's not how I would have done it if I had written the last part. I would have liked to have seen a little bit more of an actual battle or a struggle of some sorts, with the paragraphs that do exist following that (because they are good), considering how short his last section is. There was definitely room for a longer final section.
I like this story. It branches out from the more typical comedies seen in other Baby You're a Rich Man stories, at least in my sections. I treated this one with a more laid-back attitude, and that hopefully shows up in my prose. I think Creeperman did a very good job in this one, improving on his contributions in our previous collab. There was a lot of great stuff going on with the partying, with Tarble, with Mr. Satan, and with the created characters, so overall, I'm pretty pleased with how this one turned out. Like many of my other non-canon stories, I won't be rating this one, though.
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Part 68 ---->