This is a story that came from WaffleMinifigure, technically. He was going to write a Ginyu Force sitcom, but being Waffle, that never happened. Well fuck that shit, I'm still here, and I wanted to do a Ginyu Force sitcom too, so I did.
For a long time this was going to be the only Baby You're a Rich Man DLC story for A Short-Lived Dream. Creeperman129 expressed interest in this one at some point (I don't remember if I asked him to join, or if he asked if he could join), and I added him on as a co-writer, thus making this story the only collaborative story in all of ASLD. The collaboration also resulted in me creating The One Where Bulma Goes Looking For Goku's Dragon Balls, because I wanted to do at least one BYARM-style story alone.
So anyways, in terms of what I based this story on, it's all Seinfeld, by far the best sitcom of all time. I don't think Creeperman has ever watched Seinfeld however, or if he has, he hasn't seen much. Creeperman is a lot younger than me, a lot more inexperienced, and just due to how his personality is, his humor was therefore a lot more goofy than mine.
At least that's what I remember. Honestly, I don't remember much of anything about this one other than thoughts I had at the time of writing it. One of those thoughts was that I didn't want to make this too over-the-top, because it's meant to be an episode of a tv show. I don't know if I actually followed through on that. I've never read this story since completing it. I don't know why Creeperman was mad with the ending - this was never going to be a canon-following story. It's a sitcom script for an AU universe where the characters exist in a more sitcomy Dragon Ball universe. No BYARM has ever been canon, and that should not have even been something Creeperman expected. He signed up for a non-canon BYARM and should have expected that result. That is why I still disagree with him about making this canon. I don't think the characters are in-character or the story is canon-following to begin with.
So in terms of the plot, I do remember having discussions with Creeperman about what we would do with each Ginyu Force member. I wanted to do what the best Seinfeld episodes do - a separate storyline for each main character, interwoven in a very clever and funny way. The best Seinfeld episodes could do that, and so I tried to emulate that here. I vaguely remember there being trouble coming up with plotlines for Guldo and Ginyu (and in truth, as I'm writing this, I don't remember what anyone did except that Jeice was trying to date Salza's sister). I think we did discuss the plotlines, but I came up with most or all of them. Creeperman might've come up with 1-2 characters' plots afterwards. I think I remember him saying something about Recoome, and he may have eventually come up with Ginyu's plot, but I simply do not remember.
We started this story on December 4, 2016. We finished editing on January 7, 2017. I don't remember why it took a month - perhaps Creeperman was being lazy or busy with other stuff. I might've been busy too, I don't know. But yeah, we wrote this over about a month, writing usually at least a few times a week, and we produced a ton of content. This is a very long story, obviously, and I think Creeperman had a good time writing it. I don't remember writing it myself. I was drunk during the early sections, and I remember being extremely dissatisfied with what I was writing while drunk. I then switched over to writing the remainder of the story while high, and every other ASLD story after this was completed that way. There is a divide in ASLD that starts with this story - all stories completed before it were written while sober or drunk; all after it were written while high or sober. Of course, since this story was started on December 4, there were other stories of mine published after that point, such as Superior and This is a contest story, that were written while drunk. But I kind of stopped doing drunk stories after writing I want to say 2000-3000 words of this one. With that said, I probably will write drunk stories again, and it'd be a lie to say I haven't written anything drunk this year (I've written several His Majesty's Pet chapters while both drunk and high this year, for example), I don't think I will be doing that often at all anymore. Most of that is due to me not liking getting drunk in general, however.
The time period of this story stretches over a period of my life that was pretty shitty. I really appreciate Creeperman's company during that time. He's been a really good friend to me for the past couple of years, and it always seems that when I'm in a bad way, he's the one who's always there to help how he can. I'm not sure if he knew that this collaboration was basically the only thing keeping me going last December. But yeah. It's good I'm here and not dead and now I got this horrible shit story that's not even funny to comment on!
Well, one thing I do remember is laughing at this story. I don't remember what I found funny, but I remember finding even some of Creeperman's sections funny, which is rare for me. At this point, I just have memories of emotions, feelings, and other memories. I don't actually remember like anything about this thing. So on that note, let's dive in!
Story[edit | edit source]
<SCENE OPENS ON PLANET FRIEZA 79>
<BURTER AND JEICE LIVE TOGETHER; ACROSS THE HALL IS RECOOME’S APARTMENT; GULDO LIVES IN A SMALL APARTMENT DOWN THE HALL AND AROUND A CORNER; GINYU HIMSELF LIVES IN A HUGE SUITE ACROSS AT THE END OF THE HALLWAY TO THE LEFT OF RECOOME’S AND JEICE/BURTER’S APARTMENTS>
<THE CAMERA MOVES INTO BURTER’S APARTMENT, WHICH IS BLUE-LIT AND MESSY; THERE ARE NEWSPAPERS AND DIRTY CLOTHES ON THE COUNTER; BURTER IS CROUCHED ON A COUCH LIKE A FROG, A XBOX ONE CONTROLLER IN HIS HANDS (IT’S BLUE AND ORANGE) RIGHT UP AGAINST HIS FACE, PLAYING SONIC ‘06>
<BURTER IS LISTENING TO THE TOURIST BY RADIOHEAD>
Burter: <HISSING WILDLY> Come on, come on, faster! Gotta go faster!
Jeice: <ENTERS THE LIVING ROOM FROM HIS BEDROOM; HE IS WEARING HIS FINEST ARMOR AND HAS GELLED HIS HAIR; HE LOOKS LIKE HE’S WEARING MAKEUP TOO> Oy mate, turn that crap off!
Burter: Hmm? What’s the matter with you, Jeice?
Jeice: I’m, uh, just goin’ out fer a bit, that’s all. <HE DOES THE SHIFTY EYES> Don’t tell the cap’n I’m gone, ok?
Burter: <NOT PAYING ATTENTION; HE IS A PRO AT THE GAME HE’S PLAYING> Kaaaaaaay.
<JEICE LEAVES; BURTER CONTINUES TO PLAY EGGMANLAND (TRYNA GET THAT LAST CHILI DOG) WHEN THE DOOR OPENS AGAIN; IN COMES THE BUMBLING RECOOME IN A TUTU DRESS; HE DOES A LITTLE SPIN AND JUMPS AROUND, POSING IN HIS STANDARD RECOOME POSE; SUDDENLY, AS HE TAKES A STEP FORWARD, HE SLIPS ON SOMETHING, KNOCKING HIS HEAD AGAINST THE COUNTER, KNOCKING OUT ONE OF HIS TEETH>
Recoome: Ow… wha was that, eh?
Burter: <LOOKS OVER COOLLY> Oh, sorry. I forgot I spilled some milk over there last night! Watch your step!
Recoome: Hmph, now ya tell me. <HE SPITS OUT ANOTHER TOOTH>
Burter: Ooh, that looks like it hurts, buddy. <SOMEWHAT SARCASTICALLY> Do you need to go to the dentist?
Recoome: <STANDING BACK UP> Nah, I never liked that tooth anyways. <RUBBING HIS HEAD> So uh how’d ya even spill that milk, Burter?
Burter: I was moving too fast! <DOES NOT LOOK UP> It’s harder than you think trying to play Sonic All Stars Racing and pour some milk. And there’s no crying over spilled milk.
Recoome: Heh, that’s a good one Burter! <HE STARTS CRYING, BURTER’S DEDICATION IS SO BEAUTIFUL> So uh where’s Jeice? Da captain wants to see both of you.
Burter: He went out. Won’t be back for a while, I think.
Recoome: Ooh… well in dat case… <THE BIG MAN SIGHS AND PLOPS ONTO THE COUCH NEXT TO THE SNEAKY SNAKE ALIEN>
<BURTER STARTED SAYING “NO!” IN SLOW-MO AND QUICKLY PUSHED THE SELECT BUTTON TO PAUSE IT. BURTER SIGHED IN RELIEF>
Burter: <SHOUTING> You sitting down almost broke my concentration! I would have had to start all over, ya dolt!
<BURTER HIT THE BACK OF RECOOME’S HEAD AS HE RAN BACK AND UNPAUSED THE GAME. MEANWHILE RECOOME WAS RUBBING HIS HEAD>
Recoome: Ya didn’t hafta hit me though… <RECOOME TAKES OUT A CHOCOLATE NUT BAR AND STARTS EATING IT>
Burter: Quieeeet Recoome!! <SUDDENLY HE NOTICES RECOOME HAS CHOCOLATE AND HE TAKES HIS EYES OFF THE SCREEN; ON SCREEN, THE CAR HE RACING WITH CRASHES INTO THE WALL> Hey, where’d you get that from? I thought the captain confiscated all tasty treats!
Recoome: <SMILING SNEAKILY> I know a guy.
Burter: Yeah, yeah, I know guys too, but what SPECIFIC guy did you get it from?
<BURTER THINKS HE CAME TO A REALIZATION>
Burter: Did Guldo give it to you? Is he hiding treats again?
Recoome: Duuhh…. Which one’s Guldo again?
Burter: <HISSING> Little green man with four eyes. Y’know, the new guy. He just joined the force.
Recoome: Oh him! Yeah, he looks like a pile of mashed potatoes! <GROANING IN HUNGER, RECOOME TAKES ANOTHER BITE OF HIS CHOCOLATE. BURTER DROOLS A LITTLE, WANTING A PIECE OF THE CHOCOLATE, BUT QUICKLY REGAINS COMPOSURE>
Burter: Who is it then?
Recoome: I’ll only tell you if...uh...tell me something I could get you to do.
Burter: Hm… <BURTER PUTS HIS HAND ON HIS CHIN AND SMIRKS AFTER A FEW SECONDS> You can get yourself to get me some chocolate! Then, you can tell me who gave you the chocolate.
<RECCOME SLAPPED HIS HEAD>
Recoome: Duh! Why didn’t I tink of dat!
<RECOOME WAS ABOUT TO LEAVE THE ROOM TO GET THE CHOCOLATE, WHEN HE TURNED BACK AND WAVED HIS FINGER AT BURTER WHILE TAKING ANOTHER BITE OF THE CHOCOLATE>
Recoome: Waita minute! I need to get you ta do somethin’ for me! Not tha’ other way!
<RECOOME GAVE HIS BEST BURTER IMPRESSION, ALSO PUTTING HIS HAND ON HIS CHIN AND TRYING TO BE AS CLEVER AS BURTER>
Recoome: How’s about ya get Jeice to the Cap’in before he finds out? Then I’ll give ya some chocolate...das a good convincin’ thing right?
Burter: Uh...yeah I guess... the Captain would punish me if he knew I knew where Jeice went.
Recoome:<SHOUTING> Dat’s da ticket!
<BURTER PUT HIS FINGER TO HIS MOUTH TO GET RECOOME QUIET>
Burter: Shhhhh! Do you want the captain to hear?
<BURTER PUT ON HIS ARMOR>
Burter: I’m gunna go find him. Make sure the captain doesn’t know where I went.
<RECOOME NODDED AS BURTER WALKED OUT OF THE DOOR. WHEN RECOOME WAS SURE HE WAS GONE, HE GRABBED BURTER’S CONTROLLER, PUT IN SPACERIM AND WAITED FOR THE SCREEN TO LOAD>
<SCENE CUTS TO JEICE>
<JEICE IS STANDING ON THE SIDEWALK OF MAINSTREET ON PLANET FRIEZA 79; HE IS HUMMING ‘DOWNTOWN’ BY PETULA CLARK; HE SLIPS INTO A BUILDING THAT HAS A ‘FRIEZA FORCE RECRUITMENT CENTER’ SIGN ON IT>
Jeice: Oy, I’m here to apply for the job.
<BEHIND THE DESK SITS A GREY-SKINNED HUTT-LIKE ALIEN; SHE IS WEARING A NAMETAG THAT SAYS ‘SECRETARY WOMAN’; SHE IS WEARING AN INORDINATE AMOUNT OF LIPSTICK>
Secretary Woman: Name please.
Jeice: Just call me… Red Magma. <JEICE PULLS OUT SOME FANCY SUNGLASSES AND PUTS THEM ON>
Secretary Woman: <SHE DOESN’T LOOK IMPRESSED, BUT BORED> Mmmhhhhhhm. <SHE LOOKS DOWN AND SCRIBBLES SOMETHING ON A PIECE OF PAPER> It’ll be about ten minutes. There’re space donuts and space coffee in the waiting room, but I wouldn’t expect any to be left. The other applicants have been in there for a while.
Jeice: Bloody wankers!
<JEICE RUSHES INTO THE WAITING ROOM TO SEE IF THERE ARE ANY DONUTS, BUT THERE AREN’T; AN APPULE ALIEN IS LYING ON THE GROUND, SUGAR ON HIS LIPS, HIS STOMACH RISING LIKE A MOUNTAIN, PASSED OUT, THE DONUT BOX HALF OVER HIS PINHEAD>
Jeice: Why you little… <HE GOES UP TO THE APPULE, PREPARING TO PUNCH THE LIVING FRIEZA OUT OF HIM WHEN HE CATCHES A LOOK AT A BEAUTIFUL GREEN-SKINNED, BLONDE-HAIRED ALIEN WEARING A SLENDER JUMPSUIT WITH ARMOR THAT HAS ONLY ONE SHOULDER PAULDRON; INSTEAD OF KILLING THE APPULE, HE WALKS OVER TO HER> S’up, I’m Red Magma.
Alien Woman: Nice shades, Red Magma. You do know we’re inside, right?
Jeice: <GOING EVEN REDDER THAN NORMAL> Oh yeah, haha, my mistake, my mistake! <HE TAKES OFF HIS SUNGLASSES AND LEANS UP AGAINST THE WALL> So, uh, I see you have a Space Australian accent. You’re a Brench, aren’t’cha?
Alien Woman: Space Australia, really? You’re that daft? Can’t you tell I’m from Space New Zealand?
Jeice: <SWEATING BAD> Oh, uh, right, right! My mistake!
Alien Woman: You’re falling apart, man.
<THE FAR DOOR OPENS, AND A WELL-DRESSED SPACE-BADGER PEEKS HIS HEAD OUT THE DOOR LIKE HE’S REAL SUSPICIOUS AND ALL>
Space-badger: Next applicant, please.
<THE WOMAN WALKS TOWARDS THE DOOR>
Jeice: Wait uh, can’t you tell me your name?
Alien Woman: My name is…
<BURTER RUNS INTO THE BUILDING AND KNOCKS OVER THE ALIEN WOMAN>
Burter: <DESPERATELY> Jeice, Jeiiiiiiiiiiiice?! Where are you my best friend? My beautiful orange best friend, where are you?????
Jeice: <STEPS FORWARD> Hey mate, the name’s Red Magma.
Burter: <WHINING> What are you doing?! Don’t you know we have to meet the captain?
Jeice: Yeah, yeah, I’ll worry about that later. <HE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY AND LOOKS AROUND AT EVERYONE ELSE> Th-that’s the Blue Hurricane for ya, heh. Guy goes off like a storm.
<THE ALIEN WOMAN SLAPS BURTER ACROSS THE FACE AND WALKS OUT OF THE DOOR, STEAMING>
Burter: Wow, that actually hurt a little!
Jeice: Aw, c’mon, mate, what was that for? I was closin’ in her! You’re ruining my game.
Alien Woman: <SHOUTING OUTSIDE> No he didn’t!
Burter: I don’t know what’s wrong with you buddy, but the captain’s going to be so mad!
<CAPTAIN GINYU ENTERS>
Ginyu: Well, well, well, look who we have here.
Burter: <SQUEALS LIKE A SPACE PIG> Oh no, captain, no!!
Ginyu: <MANLY AS A REAL MAN; HE RUBS HIS CHIN AND RAISES HIS HEAD LIKE HE’S A COMIC BOOK HERO> What are you two doing here?
Jeice: Oy cap’n, what the heck? What’re you doing here?
Ginyu: <SMILES> Just stopped by to give Secretary Woman my love, and I thought I heard some familiar voices.
Burter: <CONFUSED> Your… love?
Jeice: Oh, ew, what the heck, cap’n?
Ginyu: <GRINNING> Shut it, Jeice, or I’ll make you wash down all the pods again.
Jeice: <GASPS LIKE A FRAIL OLD LADY> N-no.. not that cap’n, anythin’ but that!
Ginyu: Well, we better get going, right boys?
Jeice: Yeah, yeah, we’re goin’.
Ginyu: Good, double time it, men!
<WITH THAT, GINYU ROLLS OUT THE DOOR, MAKING LASER SOUNDS AND POSING LIKE A SAIYAMAN>
Jeice: <SHAKES HIS HEAD AND FOLLOWS THE CAPTAIN OUT, BURTER AT HIS SIDE> Man… I didn’t even get her name! Life is so cruel, mate!
Burter: And I can’t get my chocolate now...
Jeice: Oy, what’re you on about?
<CAMERA PANS BACK AND SCREEN FADES>
<CUTS TO GULDO>
<GULDO IS SITTING ON A CHAIR IN HIS APARTMENT, WHICH IS SMALL AND MESSY; THERE IS A DIFFUSER IN THE CORNER MAKING THE WHOLE APARTMENT LOOK RATHER MISTY>
Guldo: <MASSAGING HIS THIRD CHIN> Dang chili dogs, what’s taking them so long?!
<A KNOCK COMES AT THE DOOR>
Guldo: Ooh, that must be them!
<HE WIGGLES OFF HIS COUCH AND RUSHES TO OPEN THE DOOR, TRIPPING ONCE; WHEN HE GETS TO THE DOOR, HE IS OUT OF BREATH; WHEN HE OPENS IT, IT IS NOT THE CHILI DOG DELIVERY BOY, BUT IN FACT SAINT FDR (Franklin Delano Romanowski); HE IS A HUGE ONE AND HE WEARS A BLUE JUMPSUIT AND A RED CAPE; FDR HAS AN UNSHAVEN BEARD AND IS PALE-SKINNED (LIGHT PINK); HE HAS A THIN POINTY TAIL AND WEARS A GREEN SCOUTER; WHEN HE ENTERS, THE AUDIENCE APPLAUDS WILDLY>
Saint FDR: Hey Guldo, what’s cookin’. <HE LOOKS HUNGRY AS A SPACE WOLF> I heard through the grapevine that you ordered takeout today.
Guldo: <HE HATES FDR> Maybe I did. What do you want?
Saint FDR: Well, uh, buddy… <HE NODS VERY NICELY AND PROPERLY LIKE A GOOD BOY> I’m pretty hungry myself. <HE PATS HIS BELLY AND SMILES LUSTILY; SUDDENLY, HIS EYES GO WIDE, AND HE’S ALL DESPERATE; FALLING TO HIS KNEES, HE PLEADS WITH THE HORRIBLE ALIEN> Just a bite, c’mon Guldo, just a taste…
<GULDO TAKES A DEEP BREATH AND STOPS TIME. HE THEN USED HIS TELEKINESIS TO THROW HIM THROUGH THE ROOF, MAKING HIM DO A GOOFY SOUND. RECOOME ENTERS THROUGH THE HOLE>
Recoome: Hey, new little dude.
Guldo: <SIGHING> Did you run out of chocolate again?
Recoome: No...I just threw it at Burter’s TV...that dragon guy didn’t seem to like mah dances…
Guldo:...You threw the chocolate at the TV...and did you break it?
Recoome: Uh...no. Thuh dragon guy just burned mah chocolate
Guldo: So let me get this straight, a video game destroyed the chocolate
Recoome: Also the room. <RECOOME WAVES HIS HANDS> It wasn’t me though! I din’t Eraser Gun the room, cuz I got mad!
<GULDO WALKS BACK OVER TO THE COUCH>
Guldo: Well, that’s not my problem.
Recoome: I-It is though! You gave me the chocolate and that made me mad!
Guldo: Hey, you wanted it, I saw it in your eyes! You need your chocolate man.
Recoome: Yeah but that’s beside the boy. Anywho, you got any more chocolate bars? I’m kinda hungry.
Guldo: NO I DON’T RECOOME NOW GET OUT OF MY ROOM! I’M WAITING FOR MY CHILI DOGS!
Recoome: Whoa settle down four eyes. You gotta come with me to the captain’s meeting.
Guldo: No, I won’t! I won’t! <HE JUMPS UP AND DOWN> I want my chili dogs I’m so hungry, I gotta have my chili dogs, give them to me, I’ll blow up the planet!!
Recoome: <PATS GULDO ON THE HEAD LIKE A DOG> Haha, you’re not strong enough to blow up a planet, silly.
Guldo: Recoome please, you don’t know how much this means to me-
Recoome: Yeah, yeah, I get it. <HE PICKS GULDO UP BY THE HEAD LIKE GULDO IS A BASKETBALL AND WALKS OUT OF THE ROOM WITH HIM; GULDO KICKS AND PUNCHES BUT HE CAN’T REACH RECOOME BECAUSE HIS ARMS AND LEGS ARE SO SHORT> Hah, you’re a real fighter, eh? Look at you go.
<GULDO QUICKLY TIRES HIMSELF OUT AND FALLS ASLEEP; RECOOME WALKS DOWN THE HALL TO THE CAPTAIN’S APARTMENT; FROM BEHIND HIM, A DELIVERY BOY WHO IS THE SAME RACE AS TOBI KNOCKS ON GULDO’S DOOR AND GETS INCREASINGLY ANGRY IN THE BACKGROUND AS NO ONE ANSWERS IT; HE IS HOLDING A PLASTIC TAKEOUT BAG, WHICH HE EVENTUALLY FLINGS AT THE DOOR AS THE CAMERA FADES TO BLACK>
<CUTS TO CAP’N GINYU’S APARTMENT>
<GINYU IS STANDING OVER THE REST OF THE FORCE, WHO ARE SITTING IN BEAN BAG CHAIRS. HE PACES BACK AND FORTH FOR A FEW MOMENTS, WITH THE REST OF THE FORCE BEING SILENT. RIGHT AS RECOOME TRIES TO PULL OUT A PIECE OF CHOCOLATE HE HID UNDER HIS BEAN BAG FROM THE LAST MEETING, GINYU TURNS AND POINTS AT GULDO, WHO’S STILL TIRED AFTER HIS “FIGHT” WITH RECOOME>
Ginyu: You! Rookie!
<GULDO FALLS ASLEEP. IN RESPONSE, GINYU GRABS A GLASS OF MILK AND POURS IT ONTO GULDO, WAKING HIM UP>
Guldo: EYAH! What’d ya do that for?! I was having a great dream about having my delicious chili dogs!
<GINYU STANDS PROUD>
Ginyu: A Ginyu Force member must embrace their assigned Frieza Force pun! THAT is this what this meeting is about! As you can see from Mr. Guldo, he has not yet embraced his pun. And I’ve heard that some people… <GINYU LOOKS AT JEICE> …have been using nicknames for themselves! NO MORE, I say to you all! I gave up my old name a long time ago, and you all should too!
Burter: So, I have to give up the name my mom gave me! <BURTER LEANS BACK IN THE BEAN BAG CHAIR> I’ve been doing that.
Burter: My mom literally had me going across the planet to get groceries, and if I didn’t, she beat me. Yeah, I would be SO happy being given my name by her.
Ginyu: Bravo! Burter already has it! Now, for the rest of this meeting, Burter will rub this butter over himself while I talk with the rest.
<GINYU POINTS TO A BUCKET FILLED WITH STICKS OF BUTTER>
Burter: Is this really nescesar-
Ginyu: BUTTER! YOU MUST RUB IN THE BUTTER, BURTER!
<BURTER SIGHS AS HE GETS UP AND WALKS TO THE BUCKET. HE PICKS UP A STICK AND STARTS RUBBING IT ON HIMSELF>
Recoome: Yeah, yeh, I’m tryin’. <HE DRINKS A HUNDRED LITTLE CREAM THINGS THAT YOU GET AT RESTAURANTS, DOESN’T EVEN PUT ‘EM IN COFFEE, HOLLA>
Ginyu: Good, great, wonderful. Burter, status update on the mission Lord Frieza gave us!!!
Burter: <HE GOT THAT GOOD BUTTER GOIN ON HIM LIKE PIGS IN A BLANKET> Ok captain, whoo hssssss!!
Ginyu: Burter, settle.
Burter: M-my bad boss, it won’t happen again hssss…
Ginyu: <SINGING IN SHEER MERRIMENT> Continue, Burter!
Burter: Ooooh <HE IS RUBBING HIMSELF HARDER NOW> That top milk, captain… that creaaaaaaaaaam… pure vanillaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa…. Ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssswwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeteners.
Ginyu: Uh, yeah, Jeice it’s your turn.
Jeice: Alright, cap’n, hit me with yer best shot. But I’ll have you know, this mug won fourth place in the annual Space Wallaby scrum last July!
Ginyu: Ye-eah, wooeeeeah! Okay, that-a boy. Here, get your juice, boy. Juice up, son.
<JEICE SQUEALS LIKE A BIG AND TAKES THE BOTTLE GINYU IS HOLDING FROM HIM; HE SUCKLES AT IT LIKE A SLEEPY BABE>
Burter: <DRAMATICALLY> It’s a ten, captain.
Ginyu: Yeah, heheh, I know I’m good lookin’, Burter. You don’t have to say it.
Burter: No, I mean the mission. A ten on the difficulty rating. This planet swallowed ten thousand space-badgers and counting, and it’s not even close to giving up!
<GINYU LOOKS SHOCKED AND DISGUSTED AND MAYBE A LITTLE AROUSED (WHO CAN HELP THAT GUY FROM PLAYING WITH HIMSELF); HE WALKS OVER TO THE TABLE AND PICKS UP HIS GLASS OF MILK, DOWNING WHAT REMAINS OF IT IN ONE BREATH>
Ginyu: Damn it. That’s some top milk. Guldo didn’t deserve it. Speaking of…<GULDO TRIES TO SNEAK AWAY SLOWLY>...GULDO!
<GULDO STOPS AND TURNS AROUND SLOWLY>
Guldo: Y-Yes, captain?
<GINYU OPENS A CLOSET FILLED WITH YOGURT>
Ginyu: Pour this yogurt over yourself
Guldo: But Captain! It looks so good to eat! Why can’t I eat it?
Ginyu: Because you must embrace the yogurt, feel the yogurt…<GINYU PUTS HIS FACE UP AGAINST GULDO’S> BE the yogurt!
<GULDO THINKS FOR A MOMENT>
Guldo: Um...but...you are...what...you eat?
<GINYU PAUSES AND PONDERS THIS WHILE SCRATCHING HIS CHIN. HE THEN SMILES GLEEFULLY>
Ginyu: Brilliant deduction, rookie! You get to eat ALL the yogurt! <GULDO LAUGHS AT HOW SMART HE WAS AND GOES TO EAT THE YOGURT> Alright men! After you finish your embracement, we are leaving for mission 64789! Before we go, give me a code name!
Recoome: <SHOUTING;ALMOST IMMEDIATELY AFTER BEING ASKED> Space Badger’s Revenge!
<GINYU NODS MULTIPLE TIMES>
Ginyu: Good start. Good start. Jeice!
Jeice: <JEICE SLURPS HIS JUICE, THEN STOPS> I’ve Got 99 Tens and Ben Ain’t One.
Ginyu: <GINYU SMILES> Yes, good, good! Burter!
Burter: Lord Frieza Loves Space-Badgers.
Ginyu: <GINYU CLAPS> All of these are great! Rookie!
Guldo: <GULDO PAUSES; HASTILY> RECOOME BROKE BURTER’S APARTMENT!
<THE ROOM IS FILLED WITH SILENCE FOR A SECOND AND GINYU LAUGHS>
Ginyu: Good work, men! As leader, I decide that we mix all of them! Let “Lord Frieza’s Revenge by Breaking Ben 10’s Apartment” is a go!
<EVERYONE FINISHES; BURTER HAS A BLANK STARE ON HIS FACE>
Jeice, Recoome and Guldo: RIGHT!
<EVERYONE ELSE LEAVES ROOM. BURTER SLOWLY FOLLOWS>
<CUTS TO LATER IN THE DAY>
Jeice: Yeah, wasn’t a biggie at all, just a level 10 planet.
Alien 2: A level 10 planet, whoaaaoaoaoaah!
Jeice: Mate, you used to be alright. What happened?
Alien 2: That’s like… way above the capabilities of anyone on the security force! You’re a legend, man!
Jeice: <SLINGS HIS JACKET OVER HIS SHOULDER AND SMILES AS THE SUN SETS BEHIND HIM; HE IS QUITE PRETTY AND SUCH> Aw, it was nothin’.
<THE PRETTY GIRL WALKS BY AND GIVES JEICE A LOOK>
Jeice: <GIDDY> Oh yeah, didja see that?! She looked at me! <HE IS QUITE PROUD OF HIMSELF>
Alien 2: It’s amazing, sir. Bloody amazing. To think I’m on a security force with someone as talented as you and someone as beautiful as her! Haha, it makes me just wanna blow my brains out, heh!
Jeice: <TO HIMSELF> Gah, I shoulda brought Burter instead of this creampuff! <TO THE ALIEN> I gotta make a move, right? What do I say?
Alien 2: I have no idea man. <HE RAISES UP HIS HANDS VERY DRAMATICALLY> My species reproduces asexually.
Jeice: Just my bloody luck. <HE WALKS UP TO THE GIRL, WHO’S SMOKING NIL; THEY ARE OBVIOUSLY ON BREAK FROM SECURITY PATROL> H-hey… I’m Jeice!
<SHE LOOKS UP AT HIM SUSPICIOUSLY>
Alien woman: I thought your name was Red Magma.
Jeice: <SCRATCHING THE BACK OF HIS HEAD; NERVOUSLY> W-well… that’s just sommat the boys call me. Y’know, guy speak and…
Alien woman: Oh, I see.
Alien woman: Is “Jeice” guy speak too?
Jeice: Um...that’s classi...um...It’s technically my new name…
Alien woman: Your new name? Why would you give yourself such a stupid name?
Jeice: Uhm...speaking of, what’s yours?
Alien woman: Wanatanamango.
Wanatanamango: Yeah, it means “Beauty Queen” in my language.
Alien woman: Wow, you actually believed my name was Wanatanamango?
Jeice: Uh...haha, of course not! I was just playing around because I’m...cool like that.
Alien woman: Okay. Whatever.
<THE WOMAN STARTS TO WALK AWAY, WHEN JEICE REACHES OUT>
Jeice: Wait, what’s your real name?
<SHE TURNS AND LOOKS AGITATED AT JEICE>
Alien woman: Guacano! Now stop following me around, you creep!
<SHE TURNS BACK AND WALKS AWAY>
<THE ALIEN CREEPS UP BEHIND JEICE>
Alien 2: Are you still going to stalk her?
<JEICE JUMPS IN SURPRISE AND CRUSHER BALL’S HIS FACE OFF>
Jeice: Uh...he has clones of himself...reproduces asexually, yeah. He’s fine.
<JEICE WALKS AWAY WHISTLING WHILE A CROWD FORMS AROUND THE BODY>
<CUTS TO GULDO’S ROOM, OUTSIDE THE DOOR; HIS CHILI DOGS ARE SPLATTERED ALL OVER IT; HE LOOKS DISTRESSED AT THIS>
Guldo: Oooooh… great!
<THEN HE DOES A LIL LOOK AROUND, A LIL SPY AND PEEK>
Guldo: <HIS JOWLS QUIVERING> Wewll… I bet they’re still warm…
<HE LEANS FORWARD AND LICKS THE CHILI DOGS UP FROM THE FLOOR, HE’S ABSOLUTE SPACE PIG>
<CAMERA CUTS TO CAPTAIN GINYU’S APARTMENT>
<CAPTAIN GINYU IS IN THE SHOWER; THE CURTAIN IS PULLED TIGHT SO NO ONE CAN SEE>
Ginyu: <SINGING TO HIMSELF> I’m dreamin’ of of a frisky Frieza Day! I’ll decorate my spaaaaaaace poooooood!!
<SUDDENLY, GINYU SCREAMS AND SLIPS, AND HE CRASHES OUT OF THE SHOWER, WHICH HAS A TUB, ONTO HIS DARK STONE-TILE BATHROOM FLOOR; HE GETS ALL WRAPPED UP IN THE CURTAINS AS HE FALLS TO THE GROUND; THE CORNER OF THE SHOWER CAN NOW BE SPIED A LITTLE JAR OF SOMETHING SPECIAL, SOMETHING REAL NICE FOR THE KIDS AT HOME; IT READ: ‘COLONEL TONSIL’S TUBERCULOSIS CREAM FOR A BETTER, MORE NUANCED POLISH TO YOUR EVIL DEVIL HORNS’; THIS WAS A PREMIUM PRODUCT, LIKELY TO COST AT LEAST 10,000 FREEZER BUCKS>
<CUTS TO RECOOME’S APARTMENT; BURTER’S FLIPPIN’ OUT ON THE VIDEO GAMES AGAIN, BUT RECOOME DOESN’T HAVE THE MALAKA IV LIKE BURTER HAD; HE HAS SOME OLDER GAME SYSTEMS THAT AREN’T AS GOOD THE GRAPHICS ARE BAAAAAAAD>
<RECOOME IS IN THERE TOO, DRINKING SPACE ORANGE JUICE FROM THE FRIDGE, WATCHING HIS BLUE SNAKE BOY SPEED RUN THOSE GAMES; RECOOME IS WEARING HIS FINEST TUTU>
<BURTER PAUSES THE GAME>
Burter: So, what?
Recoome: Even doh you din’t get Jeice to dah meeting without being caught, I’m sorry about yur apartment…
Burter: So what, you’re going to dance for me? Sorry, but that’s not enough this time.
<RECOOME WAVES HIS HANDS BACK AND FORTH>
Recoome: No, no! I put itdon so I can go to mah secret chocolate place!
<BURTER QUICKLY JUMPS UP EXCITED>
Burter: Why didn’t you say so sooner?! Let’s go, let’s go!
Recoome: Awright, but you hafta do what I say. Dat’s the only way to get dah chocolate.
Burter: Alright, let’s go!
<BURTER RUNS OUT OF THE ROOM AND RECOOME FOLLOWS, TRYING TO TAKE THE LEAD OVER HIS FAST FRIEND>
<CUTS TO PLANET FRIEZA 47; BURTER AND RECOOME ARE AT A DANCING STUDIO; THEY WALK IN TO SEE SOME YOUNG ALIENS DANCING>
Burter: I thought you said chocolate was here!
Recoome: It is! Just follow mah lead.
<RECOOME WALKS INTO A BACK ROOM, AND BURTER FOLLOWS SUIT; IN THE ROOM ARE A FEW BROOMS, TUTUS, AND WIGS; RECOOME PUSHES THEM ALL ASIDE TO REVEAL A DANCE DANCE REVOLUTION MACHINE>
Recoome: Awright! Now all I gotta do is…
<RECOOME PLUGS IT IN AND CHOOSES THE SONG MAXX UNLIMITED AT AAA; AS THE SONG STARTS, RECOOME PUMPS HIMSELF UP; WHEN THE SONG STARTS, RECOOME HITS ALL OF THE ARROWS WITH PERFECT ACCURACY; BURTER IS AT A LOSS OF WORDS AT HOW WELL RECOOME IS DOING AT THE GAME; WHEN THE SONG FINISHES, RECOOME IS IN A SWEAT, AND A FEW MOMENTS LATER, THE MACHINE SUMMONS A PORTAL WHERE THE SCREEN WAS>
Burter: W -What is that?!
Recoome: It’s dah space-badger dimension. Dah space-badgers made dis to hide from dat level 10 mission. Come on in!
<RECOOME JUST BARELY MANAGES TO FIT THROUGH THE PORTAL; WHILE HESITANT, BURTER STILL FOLLOWS, IN HOPES OF GETTING CHOCOLATE>
Burter: Sick moves, Recoome. You gotta teach me sometime!
Recoome: Daah… only if ya get a tutu, snake alien guy!
Burter: <CHEERFULLY> Never gonna happen, big fella!
<THE DISGUSTING MONSTROSITY THAT IS SAINT FDR STANDS DILIGENTLY AS A WAITER’S PODIUM JUST INSIDE THE CAVE; HE STARES WITH SAUCEY REVERENCE AT BURTER AS THEY PASS BY>
Burter: <HIS LIL LIZARD TONGUE SHOOTIN’ OUT> This?! This is your guy?!
Recoome: No, uh, not him. He’s just a pretty face.
<RECOOME CREATES A KI BALL THAT SHOOTS INTO THE FLOOR; SUDDENLY THAT KI BALL DISPERSES INTO MANY TINIER BALLS THAT TRAVEL IN TRANSLUCENT TUNNELS DOWN THE HALL AND UP THE WALLS, ILLUMINATING THE ENTIRE PASSAGEWAY>
Burter: <TERRIFIED> Hey uh Recoome… this looks kinda creepy. We sh-should turn back.
Recoome: Quiet ya dingus. Follow me. He’s waitin’ inside.
<CUTS TO CAP’N GINYU>
<HE IS RECLINING IN A FANCY RESTAURANT, WEARING A FANCY BOWTIE; ACROSS FROM HIM IS THE GARGANTUAN SECRETARY LADY; SHE IS DINING ON SEVERAL PLATES, PUTTING ON QUITE A SHOW FOR THE OTHER PATRONS; SITTING ON THE LEFT OF GINYU AND THE RIGHT OF JABBA THE SLUT WAS LITTLE BABY KURIZA, SO FINE AN ARCOSIAN BOY I’VE NEVER SEEN ONE SO GOOD>
Kuriza: Ginyu, c’mon, I wanna see the space tiger!!
Ginyu: <GRINNING; WATCHING HIS LOVE SLOB OUT ON THE FOOD> Yeah, yeah, kid, later. <HE SHOVES A FORK FULL OF SPACE BROCCOLI INTO KURIZA’S FACE; THE BABY BOY CRIES IN TANTRUM AND THROWS A SPACE NUGGET INTO THE AIR; SECRETARY WOMAN CATCHES IT WITH ONE OF HER TENTACLES BEFORE STUFFING INTO HER HUGE GAPING MOUTH HOLE> Yeah, that’s it, easy now girl, easy now.
Kuriza: Last year when you brought me here, a space penguin mated with a space meerkat. It was really a great show.
Ginyu: <IN A SIDEWAYS WHISPER> Shuuuuuuuuut up, kid. I’m tryna score big here! Would ya just eat yer space tater tots and play it cool?
<KURIZA LOOKS QUITE SAD, BUT HE’S HUNGRY, SO HE DOESN’T LET THOSE TOTS GO TO WASTE>
<MEANWHILE, GULDO IS LYING ON HIS COUCH DOING NOTHING IN PARTICULAR BESIDES EATING HIS CHILI DOGS; IT’S A MIRACLE HOW HE HADN'T FINISHED THEM ALL ALREADY>
Guldo: Ugh...I’m bored...the others are probably doing some really cool stuff right now…<GULDO LOOKS AT HIS WALL> Hey...wasn’t there a crack ther-
<SUDDENLY, VEGETA BARGES IN>
Vegeta: Guldo, get out.
<GULDO STANDS UP AND RUNS AS FAST AS HE CAN TO VEGETA>
Guldo: What?! But why!? And why do people just barge into my house?!
Vegeta: You mean MY house.
Guldo: Say whaaaaaaaa?
Vegeta: Yeah. Lord Frieza said that your house is too dirty, so he told me to confiscate it until you prove that you can be clean. Oh, also, Nappa’s here too.
<NAPPA PEEKS HIS HEAD OVER VEGETA’S SHOULDER>
<IN TFS VOICE> Nappa: Hi.
Guldo: How can I prove that?! Do I go to the mall and clean some shirts, or what?! <GULDO PEEKS HIS HEAD AROUND VEGETA> Also where’s that long haired guy?
Nappa: Oh, Raditz? I dunno, he went searchin’ for someone in the records. Somethin’ about Earth.
Guldo: Earth? Sounds stupid.
Nappa: Yeah. Said he wouldn’t be back for a while. Maybe we can go back to that planet we were conquering in the meantime....
<VEGETA IGNORES THE RADITZ TALK AND HANDS GULDO A BROCHURE READING “CLEANING BOOT CAMP”; GULDO GRABS IT OUT OF VEGETA’S HAND>
Guldo: A BOOT CAMP?
Vegeta: Yeah. Starting in 10 minutes.
Vegeta: And the trip is 6 hours.
Vegeta: And if you’re late, you have to clean extra.
Guldo:...I hate you.
Vegeta: I know.
<GULDO RUSHES OUT OF THE ROOM IN A HURRY, AND FIVE SECONDS LATER, HE STOPS TO TAKE A BREATH, AND GOES AGAIN> <CUTS TO RECOOME AND BURTER; RECOOME IS THROWING KI BLASTS IN SPECIFIC PLACES ON THE WALL, OPENING UP SECRET PASSAGEWAYS ALONG THE WAY.>
Burter: <WHILE WALKING> Jeez, you can’t even remember what a mission is, yet you can still remember this…
Recoome: I like chocolate. Oh yeah… <RECOOME GLARES AT BURTER> Whateva ya do. Don’t. Tell. Da. Captain.
Burter: Alright, alright, I won’t!
Recoome: Gud. Now lesse....
<RECOOME PUNCHES THE WALL IN FRONT OF HIM, REVEALING A JUNGLE, WITH A CLEAR PATH IN THE MIDDLE OF IT. AT THE END OF THE PATH ARE THREE BLUE CIRCLES, EACH BIGGER, AND FURTHER AWAY FROM THE PREVIOUS; RECOOME WALKED UP TO IT AND MADE A KOOKABARA SOUND SOMEHOW; THE NOISE ECHOED, AND A FEW SECONDS LATER, 100 SPACE BADGERS, ALL WITH LITTLE SPEARS AND FACEPAINT ON, SURROUND THE CIRCLE>
Burter: I don’t like this…
Recoome: <SO ARROGANTLY HE LOOKS HIGH> Shut it, flyboy.
<RECOOME DOES A LITTLE TWIRL AND WAGS HIS BUTT IN THE AIR AND THE GROUND EXPLODES, EVISCERATING THE SPACE-BADGERS; THE FOREST BECOMES HEAPS OF ASH>
Burter: Recoome! You chipped my nail! <HE SHOWS RECOOME HIS CHIPPED NAIL>
<RECOOME GRUNTS AND SPITS OUT A TOOTH, LOOKING UNCONCERNED; HE HAS A LOOK LIKE TODD FROM BREAKING BAD IF HE WAS HIGH>
Recoome: <HAPPILY> Uuuuuh, there he is!
<HE POINTS TO AN ASH SPACE-BADGER, STILL FULLY FORMED; GOING IN FOR A HUG, RECOOME IS SHOCKED TO SEE THE SPACE-BADGER DISSOLVE INTO ASH AS SOON AS HE TOUCHES IT; AS THIS IS GOING ON, SOMEONE POKES BURTER HARD IN THE SIDE, AND HE FALLS OVER, SCREAMING FOR HIS DOOMED LEG>
<THERE STANDING BEHIND THE TWO IS A PROUD SPACE-BADGER WITH TWO WHITE BEARDS AND RED-GOLD EYES; HIS FUR IS BROWN AND WHITE AND SPOTTED AND STRIPED>
Space-badger: You’re a slow bugger, aren’t you?!
Burter: <SEEING THE DUDE FOR THE FIRST TIME> RECOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOME!!! Help!! It’s an infestation!
Recoome: Dahah, no dat’s King Butterball. He gives me chocolate sometimes!!
<THE KING, ON CUE, PULLS A WRAPPED SPACE CANDY BAR FROM HIS FUR AND TEARS INTO IT VICIOUSLY, EATING EVERY LAST BIT>
Butterball: ‘Ello, poppet.
Burter: That’s not my name! I’m the fastest-
Burterball: If you want chocolate, you’re gonna shut up, blue boy. <BURTER DOES, BUT HE LOOKS LIKE HE’S GONE INSANE WITH FEAR AND ANGER> Alright, let’s giddy up.
<AND WITH THAT, BUTTERBALL GETS ON ALL FOURS AND SCAMPERS OFF INTO THE ASHEN ABYSS; RECOOME GETS ON ALL FOURS TOO AS HE CHASES THE SPACE-BADGER; NOT TO BE OUTDONE, BURTER GOES DOWN TOO, BUT HE COMES IN THIRD PLACE, IT WAS VERY SAD>
<THE CROWD GOES WILD, SHOWERING KING BUTTERBALL WITH ROSES AND CONFETTI; HE IS PRESENTED A GOLD MEDAL FOR HIS SHOWING; RECOOME IS GIVEN THE SILVER, AND BURTER IS GIVEN THE BRONZE>
<BURTER IS SEETHING>
Burter: You cursed space-badgers live in the walls! I always knew I could hear you at night!
Butterball: <HE’S SITTING ON A THRONE OF ASH AND BONE> Anybody here like a good toffee? I’ve got a new raspberry batch ready.
<HE PULLS OUT A BAG AND TOSSES A PIECE TO EVERYONE; BURTER DROPS HIS WHEN IT’S THROWN TO HIM; HE HISSES BUT EATS IT ANYWAYS CUZ IT’S ALL WRAPPED UP NICELY; AS THEY ALL STRUGGLE TO CHEW THE OBVIOUSLY TOUGH TOFFEE; RECOOME BREAKS AT LEAST ONE TOOTH TRYING TO EAT THIS SWEET PRIZE; BLOOD RUSHES DOWN HIS FACE, BUT HE DON’T CARE; HE JUST WANTS THE SWEET GOODNESS INSIDE HIM>
<THE KING AND RECOOME ARE CHEWING AND GROANING IN NEAR SILENCE; BURTER JUST SWALLOWS HIS WHOLE AND LOOKS AT THE TWO LIKE THEY ARE MEN WHO ARE, COINCIDENTALLY, MAD>
<GULDO HAS JUST ARRIVED AT THE BOOT CAMP; IT’S NOT WHAT HE EXPECTED; IT WAS A HORRIFYING SIGHT TO SEE; A PLACE SO CLEAN THAT EVEN THE DIRT WAS EVEN AND CLEAN; AND IN FRONT OF HIM WAS A PERFECTLY SYMMETRICAL BUILDING MADE OF SOLID GOLD; SUDDENLY, TWO MEN CLAD IN WHITE SLOWLY WALKED TOWARDS HIM; GULDO STOOD STILL AND NOTICED THAT THEIR SHOES WERE SPECIALLY DESIGNED TO HAVE NO DIRT DISTURBED ON THE GROUND, OR THE SHOES THEMSELVES. HOW THEY DID IT, NO ONE KNOWS>
Guard 1: <AS SLOWLY AS POSSIBLE> You’re Guldo, correct?
Guldo: Uh, yeah.
<THE GUARDS WALKED BACK IN DISGUST; JUST SEEING HIS EXCESS AMOUNT OF SPIT TOUCH THE DIRT DISGUSTED THEM>
Guard 2: Yes, you are late....and I can see why you were brought here.
<GUARD 1 PUT HIS FINGER UP TO GULDO’S MOUTH, STOPPING HIM FROM TALKING>
Guard 1: You have much to learn. We will have to use the Carrier to bring you to your duties until you are in full uniform. You will start with cleaning your room, which our interns made....especially loathsome.
<A CART LEVITATING OFF THE GROUND GOES TO GULDO AND PICKS HIM UP WITH 2 CLAWS, PUTTING HIM INSIDE THE MACHINE; AS SOON AS HE WENT IN, HE WAS SEALED INSIDE WITH KATCHIN> Guldo: Hey! Let me out!
<GULDO BANGS THE MACHINE AS IT GOES INSIDE OF THE BUILDING>
<CUT TO GINYU, VERY BORED, AT THE ZOO WITH KURIZA>
Kuriza: Look, look! A space tiger! RAWR!
<GINYU LOOKS IN THE CAGE AND SEES THE TIGER JUST LYING THERE>
Ginyu: That’s just a stuffed tiger. We’re in the gift shop.
Kuriza: I was wondering why it was so small…
<KURIZA POKES IT WITH HIS FINGER>
Ginyu: Let’s just take you to see the real space tiger.
<GINYU STARTS TO WALK TO THE GATE AND SEES THE GUYS WHO SELL THE TICKETS>
Ginyu: Ok, kid. So I don’t want to pay for it this time. But I also don’t want the zoo to be destroyed. Here’s the plan. You stay here. I sneak up to a customer, stab myself, change with them, knock them into those trees...<GINYU POINTS TO A FEW TREES>...knock them out, go up to the guard, change with him, knock the other body out and say he was fighting me, go to the ticket guy, change with him and knock him out. Then you come up, I give you a ticket and let you in, then I say I’m on my break, while taking another ticket with me. I go back to my body here now then change with my original body. Then I use this first aid kit in my pocket and quickly fix my wounds. You wait past the booth until I come. Ready?
Kuriza: Uh, Mr. Ginyu...?
<GINYU DOES EVERYTHING HE JUST SAID AND MEETS UP WITH KURIZA>
<IN PAIN> Ginyu: Ok...we’re in…
Kuriza: Uh...Mr. Ginyu, I was trying to say dad already bought us tickets ahead of time
<KURIZA TAKES OUT TWO MORE TICKETS; GINYU TWITCHES HIS EYE FOR A FEW SECONDS>
Ginyu: Y-You mean...I injured this body...for nothing...?
Kuriza: A-Are you ok?
<GINYU SCREAMS OUT OF ANGER>
<CUTS TO JEICE; HE IS DOWN AT THE SECURITY OFFICER PLACE AGAIN; PACING ABOUT WILDLY; A SECURITY OFFICER ALIEN IS ASLEEP, SITTING AT A CHAIR IN THE CORNER OF THE ROOM>
Jeice: It just ain’t right, mate. Bloody ain’t right. She’s out there, and I’m stuck in here with this pinhead! <HE LOOKS AT THE SLEEPING MATE, WHO IS OF APPULE’S SPECIES> Crikey, he’s got a head just like a space bowling pin. He’d be a proper lad to make that his profession!
<HE RUSHES OUTSIDE, TO WHERE OTHER ALIENS ARE PATROLLING IN THE CORRIDORS OF THE CAPITOL BUILDING OF PLANET FRIEZA 79>
<HE RUNS DRAMATICALLY AS A SNAKE-LIKE LITTLE FUCKER IN A HOVER CHAIR PASSES HIM BY, SIGHING>
Snake alien: Politics, how tiresome…
Jeice: <DELIRIOUS; HE RIPS OFF HIS HELMET AND THROWS IT ASIDE> The planet doesn’t care… and we hardly even matter… we gotta be brave, Guacano… my air head’s the president!
<IT GOES ON LIKE THIS FOR SOME TIME, UNTIL HE EVENTUALLY FINDS HER, GUARDING FRIEZA’S OUTHOUSE>
Jeice: Oi, mate!
Guacano: Mate? <SHE LOOKS ANNOYED> What are you doing down here?
Jeice: Guacano… please… I, uh, I like you!! And we’re both Brenches, so…
Guacano: So that’s why you said mate. <THE CROWD GOES CRAZY WITH CAT CALLS AND MUCH APPLAUSE AND MERRIMENT AT THIS TREMENDOUS JOKE>
Jeice: <DISTRACTED AFTER THE AUDIENCE’S INTERRUPTION> Uh… yeah, I s’pose.
Guacano: Listen, Jeice, you’re kinda creeping me out. Following me around and acting like this… it’s a bit unseemly.
Jeice: Yeah, uh, sorry ‘bout that, haha! I-I guess I’m just a little nervous… <HE PULLS A PILL OUT OF HIS POCKET AND POPS IT INTO HIS MOUTH> I-I just wanted to… to…
Guacano: Yeah… Jeice, what is it?
Jeice: <HE’S BLUSHIN’ MAD, YO> I-I-I-I… uh…
<SUDDENLY HER FRIEZA PHONE RINGS>
Guacano: Huh? Oh, you’re here? Yeah, my shift’s almost over. I’m heading out. See you soon. Later. <SHE GIVES THE STAMMERING FOOL A LOOK> I have to go now.
Jeice: O-oh… c’mon… don’t leave yet… I-I haven’t asked you m-my question yet…
Guacano: My brother’s come to pick me up. I don’t want to keep him waiting.
Jeice: Your brother can wait, frieza damn it!
Guacano: <TAKEN ABACK; SHE IS QUITE PRETTY WHEN SHE’S SURPRISED> Um, no he can’t. My brother’s Salza. Y’know, Cooler’s number two guy? Yeah, him. You better back off, man.
<SHE RUSHES OFF>
Jeice: <TO HIMSELF> Blimely… bloodly HFIL… she’s Salza’s bloody sister! Oh… no…!
<HE GOES ALL DRAMATIC AND SHAKES HIS FIST AT THE CONCRETE-COLORED SKIES; IT IS AT THIS PRECISE MOMENT THAT FRIEZA EXITS FROM HIS OUTHOUSE, SCARING THE LIVING SPACE MONKEY OUT OF JEICE; HE DIDN’T EVEN KNOW THE TYRANT WAS IN THERE>
Jeice: <FALLING INTO A SALUTE> U-uh… L-lord Frieza… good to see you, sir!
<HE STANDS TALL AND PROUD AND WHEN THAT STANK COME ‘ROUND HE CLOSES HIS EYES TO TRY NOT TO GAG IN FRONT OF FRIEZA>
Frieza: <CARRYING A SPACE NEWSPAPER, WHICH HE IS READING; HE IS NOT PAYING ATTENTION TO JEICE> Yes, yes, Burter, that’ll do. Return to your post. We’re done here.
Jeice: R-right… Lord Frieza… see ya later!
<HE SPRINTS OFF, HIS FACE VERY DARK BECAUSE HE’S BEEN HOLDING HIS BREATH; AS HE PASSES THE CORNER, HE SLIDES DOWN THE HALL AND COLLAPSES, AS HE LETS OUT HIS BREATH AND STARTS BREATHING REALLY HARD; HE LAYS THERE, GASPING IN HIS ARMOR ON HIS BACK>
<TIGHT SHOT ON JEICE BREATHING HARD IN UTTER SILENCE; AFTER A FEW SECONDS, A SQUEAKY SOUND CAN BE HEARD, AND THEN, A JANITOR’S CART COMES INTO VIEW; THE JANITOR IS MOPPING THE GROUND; HE MOPS THE GROUND AROUND JEICE AND THEN MOPS JEICE’S FACE SUDDENLY, CAUSING JEICE TO SIT UP SUDDENLY AND CRAWL AWAY, HIS FACE DRIPPING WITH SPACE SUDS>
<GULDO IS BROUGHT TO AN OFFICE: COMPLETELY WHITE; OH YEAH, AND THE MACHINE REPLACED SOME OF THE KATCHIN WITH GLASS SO GULDO COULD SEE; AT THE END OF THE ROOM IS A CHAIR; IT TURNS AND REVEALS THAT ZARBON IS SITTING IN IT>
Zarbon: Oh, how the tables have turned, my green little friend
Guldo: YOU’RE GREEN TOO!
<ZARBON WAGS HIS FINGER>
Zarbon: Tsk, tsk, tsk. Turquoise. A much more elegant color, then your sickly green. In fact, Carrier, hide his disgusting face again
<THE CARRIER COVERS THE GLASS BACK UP WITH KATCHIN>
Guldo: Did you actually call me here? Was this a trick?
<ZARBON LAUGHS ELEGANTLY AND SLOWLY WALKS TO THE CARRIER, WITH HIS FOOT TAPS ECHOING THROUGHOUT THE ROOM>
Zarbon: Yes. This is actually my fabulous mansion...which you would have known if you actually listened to me. Guldo: Is this because I didn’t talk to you?! Is that it?
Zarbon: You misinterpret me, my short little friend. You were merely bait for the monkeys.
Zarbon: For you see…<CUT TO FLASHBACKY-ESQUE SCREEN; FDR IS SHOWN USING A CRANE TO PICK UP GULDO’S APARTMENT, AND REPLACES IT WITH A NEAR REPLICA> I sent Mr. FDR not to annoy you, but to open up an opportunity to annoy those pesky monkeys.
Zarbon: I told them that Lord Frieza wanted to bring you to a boot camp, and made that elegant brochure to trick them further. I knew that Vegeta would be too dull to read my luscious handwriting, so I just told him. I also recommended to him that you were…”late”.
Guldo: That too?!
Zarbon: Yes, and I knew those monkeys would want to destroy your house much more than any of the other Ginyus, due to your lower status…
Zarbon: So then I had your “home” encased in Katchin. Oh, also, your actual home too. I moved that back to where it should
Guldo: A-And then what?
Zarbon: I transferred them to…
<CUT TO THE ZOO>
Kuriza: Look at the monkeys!
<NAPPA AND VEGETA ARE IN A CASE OF SEE THROUGH KATCHIN, TRAPPED IN MONKEY COSTUMES GLUED ONTO THEM>
Ginyu: BAHAHA! Ya know, I’m GLAD I came here now! THIS is a real attraction!
Nappa: Uh, Vegeta?
Vegeta: I’M NOT IN THE MOOD RIGHT NOW NAPPA!
Vegeta: SAY ONE MORE WORD AND I’LL SHOW ALL THE LITTLE GIRLS AND BOYS WATCHING WHAT A MAN’S INTESTINES LOOK LIKE! I’LL RIP YOU LIMB FROM LIMB, AND RIP YOUR MOUSTACHE CLEAN OFF! I’LL...
<VEGETA KEEPS RAMBLING, WITH EVERYONE STILL LAUGHING AS THE SCENE FADES AWAY>
<CUTS TO BURTER’S NEW APARTMENT, WHICH RECOOME BOUGHT FOR HIM WITH ILLEGAL COCOA MONEY>
Burter: <WALKING AROUND, ADMIRING THE PLACE> Oooh… that’s a big tv.
Recoome: Dah, I knew you’d like it.
Burter: But where are all the video games?
Burter: My video games!
Recoome: D’oh, I guess I forgot! Haha!
Burter: <FALLS OVER; CRYING> Recoome… you don’t understand! Video games are all I live for! You can’t take them away from me! You can’t I won’t let you!
<HE STANDS UP AND CHARGES AT RECOOME, WHO STANDS THERE WITH A STUPID GRIN ON HIS FACE; DASHING ABOUT, TELEPORTING LIKE A MADMAN, AND FLYING ABOUT TOO FAST FOR THE CAMERA GUY TO FOLLOW HIM, BURTER EVENTUALLY LANDS A SOLID PUNCH ACROSS RECOOME’S JAW, AND IT REPEATS 2 TIMES (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=isM-r6B1wz4 5:20), SHATTERING SEVERAL OF HIS TEETH; BURTER LANDS RIGHT IN FRONT OF RECOOME AS RECOOME FALLS TO A KNEE AND GRUNTS IN PAIN>
Recoome: <SPITTING OUT PIECES OF TEETH> Daaaaaah… what was that for, Burter?!
Burter: No one takes my video games!
Recoome: Aw, buddy, thanks! <HE STANDS UP AND HUGS BURTER, CONFUSING THE SNAKE LIZARD GUY>
Burter: <SHIFTY EYES> Huh…?
Recoome: I was goin’ to da dentist later today! But you did all the work yourself, haha! Thanks, buddy! <HE SPITS OUT THE REST OF HIS TEETH, WHICH ARE YELLOW AND BLACK AND FULL OF HOLES> Now I don’t gotta pay for that visit!
Burter: Recoome, that is disgusting! Don’t you ever brush your teeth?
Recoome: <WALKING OVER TO THE COUNTER, WHERE HE PULLS A GLASS FROM THE SHELF; THEN HE TAKES A CANDY BAR FROM HIS POCKET AND PULLS OFF THE WRAPPER; MAKING IT HOVER OVER THE GLASS, HE MELTS IT UNTIL IT’S LIQUID; THEN HE DRINKS THE CANDY BAR> Dah, see, good as new!
Burter: Gross, gross, gross! I need my candy!!
<BURTER SPRINTS OUT OF THE ROOM AT A RECORD PACE>
<AFTER THE DOOR SLAMS BEHIND HIM, RECOOME STANDS THERE WITH A DUMB LOOK ON HIS FACE FOR AN UNCOMFORTABLE AMOUNT OF TIME; THEN, HE CAUTIOUSLY APPROACHES THE FRIDGE ON TIP-TOES; IN A FLASH, HE OPENS IT, GRABS THE HALF-EMPTY CARTON OF SPACE MILK, AND TAKES A BIG SWIG FROM IT; THEN, HE BURPS AND COLLAPSES ON THE COUCH IN A GLUTTONOUS DAZE AS THE TV FLICKERS AND HUMS>
<CUTS TO OUTSIDE GULDO’S APARTMENT>
<GULDO IS STANDING THERE, FUMBLING FOR HIS KEYS, TRYING TO GET IN; FINALLY, HE GETS HIS KEYS AND TRIES TO PUT IT IN THE KEYHOLE, BUT THERE IS NO KEYHOLE; THE WHOLE DOOR IS KATCHIN>
Guldo: Oh… drat! That ugly turquoise fellow must’ve done this!
Saint FDR: <SIDLING UP BEHIND HIM> Yeah, that’s right.
Guldo: Huh, what are you doing here?
Saint FDR: Yo, yo, yo space holmes, I’ll be real wit’ you. You ain’t tipped me ever, and I get you chili dogs every day. Man, that’s whack. Shit’s on fire, yo. So from now on, you’re blacklisted, man. Gone. Done. No more chili dogs.
Guldo: N-no… more…? <HE HAS TEARS IN HIS EYES> P-please…
Saint FDR: Quiet swine! My word is final!
<GULDO COLLAPSES AND CRIES OUT OF THREE OF HIS EYES (ONE OF HIS EYES IS NOT MOIST ENOUGH>
<BURTER COMES SPRINTING DOWN THE HALL>
Burter: There you are! <HE ZEROES IN ON FDR, WHO HAD BEEN SLINKING AWAY FROM WEE POOR GULDO; BURTER DOESN’T PAY HIS FELLOW GINYU FORCE MEMBER ANY MIND> I need more!
Saint FDR: <GOES ALL COOL AND QUIET AND SHADY> Dunno what you’re talking about, big fella.
Burter: Cut to the chase, man, I don’t got a lotta time!
Saint FDR: <WIPING THE SLOBBER FROM HIS BABY MUTTON CHOPS> Alright, that’ll be ten thousand Frieza bucks!
Burter: Curse you and your high prices, I’ll kill you for this one day!
Saint FDR: <UNCONCERNED> But it is not this day.
<BURTER GETS HIS BAGGIE OF SWEETS, INCLUDING CANDY BARS AND THE WHOLE LOT; HE INHALES THE SWEETNESS OF THE BAG>
Burter: Oh my… <HE LOOKS AROUND AS IF HE NEEDS A LEDGE TO LEAN ON> Milk chocolate… nice!
<A HUNGRY GRIN FORMS ON HIS FACE AS HE SPRINTS AWAY>
<JEICE IS AT THE BAR EVEN THOUGH THE AUTHOR OF THIS SECTION HAS NEVER BEEN TO A BAR IN HIS LIFE; TWO ALIENS ARE SITTING BESIDE HIM>
Jeice: I mean...Salza’s with Cooler...and if I made Salza mad, that’ll make Cooler mad and if that happens, there could be war! What do you guys think?
Alien 3: Do it just like in Romeo and Juliet! Both of you are apart, but you’re madly in love so you don’t care for the consequences.
Jeice: Um...fer one, both of ‘em die. I don’t want to die. And two, I don't even know if she likes me…
Alien 4: Whaaaaaaa?
<JEICE TILTS HIS WRIST, MOVING HIS CUP OF MILK BACK AND FORTH>
Jeice: Ah mean...she called me a creeper
Alien 3: Come on man, maybe she said it in the Space MineCraft way. Like that Space Creeper. Just cuz someone calls you a creeper, doesn’t mean it’s bad, ya know what I’m sayin’?
<JEICE DRINKS THE MILK IN ONE GULP AND SLAMS THE CUP ON THE COUNTER, BREAKING IT>
Jeice: I just want to be loved, ya know?! EVERYONE has a lover! Even the Cap’s got someone!
Alien 4: Dude...don’t you have that team?
Alien 3: Yeah, yeah, that Ginyu Force thing.
Jeice: What about them?
Alien 4: Well...you like hanging with ‘em, right? And you enjoy that right?
Jeice: Yeah, I guess…
Alien 4: Well love doesn’t just hafta be in the datin’ way! Those guys love ya man, and not in a homo way. You don’t hafta go find some random girl and get with her. Stick with what ya have for now, and if you become friends with a gal and like her alot, well... <THE ALIEN DRINKS FROM HIS GLASS> then you can get with her. Cuz ya know her.
Jeice: Y-You’re right…
Alien 4: Yeah, I am.
Jeice: Imma go and hang with Burter! Thank you random stranga I don’t know!
<JEICE RUNS OUTSIDE>
Alien 3:...He does know he needs to go to the pod bay to leave ri-
<JEICE RUNS BACK IN, GASPING FOR AIR, AND RUNS TO THE POD BAY>
<THE CREDITS START TO ROLL>
<CAMERA CUTS TO FRIEZA’S INNER SANCTUM>
<FRIEZA IS SITTING IN HIS SPACE POD, STARING OUT THE WINDOW AT NOTHING IN PARTICULAR, AS HE IS WONT TO DO; GINYU AND ZARBON AND KURIZA ARE IN THERE TOO; KURIZA IS ON GINYU’S SHOULDER>
Frieza: <NOT TURNING AROUND TO GREET THE CAPTAIN> How was it?
Kuriza: We saw a space tiger!! And a boy and a girl space giraffe wrestling! And a space penguin bite off its handler’s arm! It was really fun!
Ginyu: Uh, heheh, yeah, great fun! It was the best!
<KURIZA IS PLAYING WITH HIS STUFFED ANIMAL SPACE TIGER; HE EVENTUALLY THROWS IT AT ZARBON, HITTING THE MAN IN THE FACE; ZARBON FALLS OVER UNEXPECTEDLY - HE DID NOT EXPECT THE BOY TO HAVE SUCH FORCE BEHIND HIS THROWS; GINYU LAUGHS>
Frieza: Come here, Ginyu.
<AS GINYU APPROACHES PAPA FRIEZA, KURIZA GETS REAL WILY AND JUMPS ONTO THE WALL, CRAWLING UP TO THE ROOF AS HE DOES SO; AS HE DOES THIS, HE SCREECHES AND HOOTS AND ACTS LIKE A BARBARIAN>
Ginyu: L-lord Frieza…?
Frieza: How did that mission go? The level 10 one.
Ginyu: Oh, we breezed through that one in the commercial break.
Frieza: Good, good. The Ginyu Force are serving me well. I will have more assignments for you shortly. Keep your ears perked up, captain.
Ginyu: <GETTING ALL COMIC-BOOK-HERO-LIKE; HE PUFFS UP HIS CHEST AND SALUTES FRIEZA> Yes sir, Lord Frieza! You can count on us!
Zarbon: <WHINING> Lord Frieza…! Your son is climbing the walls. He’s acting like a… like a… like a…
<KURIZA THROWS SOME UNKNOWN SUBSTANCE ON ZARBON, WHICH CAUSES ZARBON TO SHRIEK AND RUN OFF, FLINGING THE SPACE TIGER IN THE AIR; FRIEZA CATCHES THE TIGER WITH HIS TAIL>
<FRIEZA LOOKS UP AT HIS BABY BOY; KURIZA IS SWINGING FROM THE RAFTERS, SINGING THE THEME SONG TO APE ESCAPE 2>
Frieza: <WITH AUTHORITY> Get down from there!
Kuriza: <NOT CARING> No, I’m a space monkey like I saw at the zoo!
<HE’S SWINGING ON THE CHANDELIER, MAKING A RIGHT SHOW OF HIMSELF>
Frieza: You’re embarrassing yourself! You’re acting like a filthy space monkey!
Kuriza: I AM A SPACE MONKEY! <HE THROWS A FOUL SUBSTANCE AT HIS FATHER, WHICH IS A HEADSHOT, GOT ‘EM RIGHT IN THE KISSER> TAKE THAT MEANIE PAPA!
Frieza: <HE LOOKS ASTONISHED AS HE SITS IN SILENCE, THE DARK LIQUID LEAKING DOWN HIS FACE> Kuriza…! How dare you insult your father in such a manner!
<KURIZA STICKS OUT HIS TONGUE AND BLOWS A RASPBERRY AT HIS FATHER; FRIEZA IS SO SHOCKED, HIS EYE TWITCHES, AND A LITTLE BIT OF BLOOD LEAKS OUT OF HIS EYE AND EAR SOCKETS>
Frieza: Why… you…!
<THE CAMERA PANS BACK SUDDENLY; FRIEZA SCREAMS, AND A HUGE SUPERNOVA APPEARS OVER THE OUTPOST; SUDDENLY, IT SHOOTS INTO THE PLANET, BLOWING IT UP; THUS, EVERYONE DIED CEPT FOR FRIEZA AND HIS SON, WHICH DOESN’T SEEM FAIR AT ALL; BUT AT LEAST KURIZA KNOWS HE’S NOT SUPPOSED TO PRETEND TO BE A SPACE MONKEY ANYMORE>
<END OF EPISODE SCRIPT>
Endnotes[edit | edit source]
- This story is named after the original name for the pilot episode of Seinfeld.
- I don't care what anyone else thinks or says: "The Tourist" by Radiohead is an awful song, and is easily worse than any song on their entire previous album, The Bends, in my opinion. I don't get how anyone likes this song. The lyrics were written by Johnny, not Thom, and they're just awful lyrics. Cringe as fuck and so awkward, man. Like, it's difficult for me to put into words how douchey this song is, how shitty it is. I just can't get over how bad of a song it is. My worst story on this site, probably Were It So Easy (Legacies Episode), is 1000x better than "The Tourist". It's a good song for Burter, though.
- Eggmanland is a level from Sonic Unleashed, not 06, if my memory is correct.
- Teeth, milk, tutus. I'm sure there's something aesthetically interesting about that combo, but whatever. This opening scene is really boring imo.
- At Creeperman's age, I would've had the awareness to try to mimic his style, if I were in his position and he were in mine. He did not. He certainly lacks the awareness of other users I've seen at his age - namely, DD, Waffle, and TUN (and no doubt HZ would've been like this had I known him at the age). It does annoy me that when we were doing this style, he kept doing a different style for the all-caps description parts of the script than I did.
- Recoome and Burter together is decent. It's a better scene than what Crepe usually was writing for our BYARMs, up to that point.
- Secretary Woman is great. I forgot about her.
- The space donuts/space coffee line is taken directly from an episode of Seinfeld from the 9th season.
- Salza's sister was meant to be a little fierce. I quite like how she turned out, though. This is the most Seinfeld-like plot of the story, and I would say it's a lot better than the first scene.
- Space New Zealand is a long way from Space France.
- The Secretary Woman is a very Seinfeld-like character too. I think I gave her lines very much in the style of George Costanza's mother.
- Ginyu is in the second scene for a variety of reasons. The most important reason is establishing his relationship with the Secretary Woman.
- The Saiyaman shoutout was great, considering that TGS is only created because Gohan witnesses the Ginyu Force on Namek in all their glory.
- Overall, the second scene is quite important in terms of showing character relationships and building not only Jeice's plotline, but Ginyu's too, as well as continuing on Burter's own plotline to find and eat glorious space chocolate. So while the whole section may just appear to be a random sequence of jokes, there's really nothing in there that I could remove even if I wanted to and keep the script coherent.
- Franklin Delano Romanowski is a really great character from the backwards episode ("The Betrayal") of Seinfeld.
- "Yeah but that’s beside the boy." - looks like Crepe made a funny typo here.
- Eh, after FDR leaves the Guldo scene, that scene falls apart. I'll blame crepe for that one. Yes, a lot of the problems are my own, but in this scene, it's pretty much entirely on him.
- Bean Bag Ginyus still makes me laugh.
- The butter joke was nice too, cuz up to that point, the scene with all five of them together was awful.
- I'm sure I don't need to explain the pure vanilla reference. I have no memory writing that, but it's clearly me who did, reading it back now. I quite like that part.
- "Alright, cap’n, hit me with yer best shot. But I’ll have you know, this mug won fourth place in the annual Space Wallaby scrum last July!" - this is all Jeice is good for. Nice work KV, you did me proud.
- "Jeice: <JEICE SLURPS HIS JUICE, THEN STOPS> I’ve Got 99 Tens and Ben Ain’t One." - I have no idea if I wrote this or what this means, but this looks like something I wrote. If I did write this, Ben would have to be the lead singer of Radical Face, I think.
- Overall, Crepe did a good job on ending that scene with Ginyu and the others. I liked the names they all came up with for the mission. Nicely done.
- "Jeice: Mate, you used to be alright. What happened?" - this dialogue is a reference to some lyrics in "15 Step" by Radiohead.
- Guacano's a name I spent a long time coming up with, promise. I mean, it goes without saying which word this is close to, but I still think that's a clever double-pun.
- I would bet around seventeen hundred pokemon cards that canon Guldo would've licked chili dogs off his outside door too. And speaking of that: "<THEN HE DOES A LIL LOOK AROUND, A LIL SPY AND PEEK>" - this is the best line up to this point in the story, and it's not very close.
- This story's a bit weird cuz it's a BYARM, so we didn't edit it. But at the same time, it's supposed to be a little more professional than most BYARMs. There's been almost no sexual stuff up to this point (what there has been is indirect or portrayed in a TV-friendly way), either. So it's getting kind of annoying to see all these typos everywhere. I do kind of wish I had returned to edit this one, but I can see why I didn't.
- Ginyu falling out the shower was written in reference to Kramer doing the same thing in one of the Seinfeld episodes (specifically - the one where he gets a black market showerhead).
- The horn polish is something that might come up in His Majesty's Pet at some point, though I doubt I'll use the same brand there. I quite like that joke.
- LOL, that Ginyu scene served no purpose at all. That's hilarious. Considering how carefully plotted all of the scenes were up to that point, even the little Guldo one with him licking his door clean, I'm surprised this scene was in this story at all. I don't remember writing it.
- The Malaka IV gaming system is about as good as a twelve-year-old ps2 with 10 pounds of dust making a home inside its bones.
- Recoome's dancing being "enough" in the past is quite a revealing statement. It's kinda like how I went for years only masturbating to girls but now I have only about a 5% attraction to them compared to guys. I'm sure Recoome has a new thing he's really into - perhaps milk - but tutus won't make him cum easily anymore - that much is certain.
- I don't remember the two of them going to Planet Frieza 047 at all either.
- The space-badger dimension is a godly place how did i never know about it before lol
- That whole part with FDR in the cave had to be me... I think? I'm kinda scared by the fact that I don't even remember this part a little bit. It's quite funny though. The story's gotten into its groove at this point. Obviously, I can't exactly tell when the transitions happen, which is a good sign, though I can still recognize who is writing in general.
- Ginyu and Kuriza together is so fun, man. I've written about them together often. He's basically Kuriza's real dad. Kuriza's great for a number of reasons - namely, his ability to be both sophisticated and incredibly stupid and awkward at the same time. The dinner scene with those two and the Secretary Woman is great. I'd forgotten about it, but now re-reading it, I'm remembering it vaguely. This scene is meant to come after the act break, as Kuriza is not in Act I at all, but is a significant character in the second Act, as several others are too. I didn't want him to have his own plot in this episode, but if we ever did a whole series of sitcom episodes, he'd be more prominent in others. He's like a Newman-type character here, if we're comparing the story to Seinfeld.
- Crepe did good with the Raditz bit.
- The Recoome memory jokes in the cave are quite good too, I think. I'm enjoying this second act quite a bit. The dynamic between Burter and Recoome is a lot more fun to read about than I would've thought. It's interesting we went this way instead of a more typical Burter/Jeice plotline.
- Todd from Breaking Bad is absolutely a real-life Recoome smdh son.
- Man, soon enough Recoome's gonna run out of teeth to spit out. I hope he's okay with losing a few.
- Butterball, ah yes. I forgot I made this bloke. He might reappear elsewhere - even in a canon-following story, perhaps. I wanted him to be a lot like a cheeky space pirate, in terms of personality, though his appearance is decidedly more interesting to me personally. He looks unlike any other space-badger I've ever written about.
- "Burter: You cursed space-badgers live in the walls! I always knew I could hear you at night!" - this is actually true. In His Majesty's Pet, aside from space rats and mice, there are indeed a few feral space-badgers living in the walls of Frieza's ship. I believe at one point, someone goes searching for the space-badger in the walls, finds it, and kills it. But I don't remember who.
- Butterball is a really great character. I like him almost as much as FDR. Overall, I'm quite happy with the guys I came up with. Salza's sister is also a well-written character to me, although she's not as funny as either Butterball or FDR in my opinion.
- "BLOOD RUSHES DOWN HIS FACE, BUT HE DON’T CARE" - a little Radical Face, a little Ray Hudson in this line methinks.
- "HE JUST WANTS THE SWEET GOODNESS INSIDE HIM" - there's no rationality to it, but this is true absolutely 100% for every human being. Although some of us want to put sweet goodness into places instead. But those people, like TUN, are creatures I have difficulty understanding, and I hate them.
- The Guldo plotline is something that Crepe took over as we wrote on, while I took over Burter and Recoome's plot. I do like what he ended up doing with Guldo. It's not where I would have gone with the little fucker but it's interesting and funny nonetheless.
- Crepe's stuff with Ginyu and Kuriza at the zoo is amongst my favorite prose he's ever written. It's super good. The joke about the tiger is vintage Kuriza. I'm not sure if he knew that or just got lucky, though. Either way, good job to him.
- Ginyu's convoluted plan to get into the zoo is great. I just wish it would have either been explained in more detail or gone wrong somehow instead of just like "everything happened like ginyu said it would".
- I really like Jeice's dialogue even if it is stereotypical. I got to make him super Australian here, which was a lot of of fun, particularly as the story went on and I had to find new phrases and things for him to say. Certainly, I maintain this in his canon stories, but not as severely as I do here. This is an example of something that was exaggerated for the BYARM.
- The guy in the hover chair may look like Frieza, but he's really the Prophet of Truth.
- "The planet doesn’t care… and we hardly even matter… we gotta be brave, Guacano… my air head’s the president!" - so like, this is a spot that is just a black hole, memory-wise. I don't know what this means, or even if I wrote it (I think I did, though, judging by the pace of the words). What a weird thing for Jeice to say though. I wonder what I was on about at the time... really have no clue with this one.
- The mate joke was indeed a tremendous joke. It's also the perfect joke for explaining why I don't like a single person on this wiki aside from HZ tho. :P
- I still can't get over Frieza even having an outhouse to begin with. I deal with this issue in HMP too, though in that story, my speculation is that Frieza doesn't use his bathroom, but instead shits directly out of one of his window holes into space.
- Frieza coming out of the outhouse surprised me when I re-read this, lol. I forgot I put that part in. That's actually pretty good. That's a good instinct to put that in, so well done KV. I don't remember doing it, but it's good that I did, and it shows me that I'm really great and stuff, I should go succ myself off or somethin
- ogod Frieza calling Jeice "Burter" is enough to make me cum apparently, but I find it funnier that Frieza didn't even realize that Guacano was gone and that "Burter" had replaced her. I like showing how incompetent Frieza actually is with stuff like this.
- The janitor seen in this story is not the same janitor seen in the first two arcs of His Majesty's Pet. However, the replacement janitor who appears in the epilogue of HMP is indeed the same janitor presented in this story.
- One of the reasons this story is so long is that it was difficult in the second act to bring everything together and to a close. Particularly, I realized at this point that since three of the Ginyu Force members were off-planet, tying all the plotlines together in a Seinfeld way would be almost impossible, especially with crepe as my writing partner.
- The Zarbon twist is okay, but I would have liked to have had a little bit of actual foreshadowing instead of this twist that no one could have seen coming. Twists are better when there is foreshadowing, but too-blatant foreshadowing is also bad writing. Regardless, I think the conclusion to Guldo's arc is kind of weak.
- I must have missed something, but I still don't get what happened to Burter's apartment. They said it was blown up... but that was never shown, was it? If it wasn't, I don't see why this is such a huge plot point. It's too random imo to be very funny. If the apartment blowing up was revealed in that meeting with all five of them in Act I, as I remember, then I don't think this is a good idea, either.
- Burter is much more of a junky (both for video games and chocolate) than I remembered. That's funny.
- "But it is not this day." - this line is taken from LOTR (I think ROTK, specifically), where Aragorn nobly proclaims at some point: "But it is not this day! This day we fight!" etc. Kinda mocking that with the reference here, I suppose. Don't wanna say too much about this tricksy lil line.
- Nice meta with the creeper stuff crepe bb.
- The advice Alien #4 gives Jeice is what I'd expect a 15 year old kid to say. I mean, friends are nice and all, but they don't inhabit the same emotional space as a girlfriend would for Jeice, so he kind of misses the point. Even if Jeice has friends, that's not really relevant. And in terms of that "not in a homo way" comment, all I can say is, lucky for crepe that he was born straight. He will probably really have no idea why I do it when I eventually do, to be honest. I don't know if it's just cuz he cannot understand, or if he's just too young. If he can't understand, that's fine too, because that same lack of understanding the other way around is what's caused the majority of my existential anxiety this past year+. Anyways, good luck bb and thanks for most of the fish.
- The credits roll a scene early because this is how it works in Seinfeld. In the later years, Seinfeld episodes became so packed that during the credits roll, a last scene (or sometimes more) was shown while the credits were going. These scenes were usually amongst the highlights of the episodes (I'm thinking, mainly, of Peterman's "the horror, the horror" one). So I mimicked that style here with the last scene.
- I realized by this point that my grand dream of tying all the plots together wouldn't be happening. There wasn't really any "good" resolution to really any of the plotlines imo so I didn't bother trying to tie everything up in the final scene.
- "And a boy and a girl space giraffe wrestling!" - this is a reference to how Brandon Stark describes Jamie and Cersei Lannister having sex in the first book of A Song of Ice and Fire, because he's too young to understand what sex is. I used the same terminology with Kuriza to also show his innocence.
- "Oh, we breezed through that one in the commercial break." - this is 100% true.
- I think Zarbon's scared of monkeys or something. I wonder what he thinks of their genitals.
- The theme song of Ape Escape 2 has no lyrics.
- rip everyone. Obviously if we wrote more of this sitcom, the planet blowing up wouldn't be kept entirely canon - everyone would be alive in the next episode, as sitcoms are wont to do. With that in mind, I would still maintain some kind of consistency between the episodes if there were indeed more.
- The moral of the story - that Kuriza becomes exactly what he shouldn't be - is probably really clever and shit. IDK, I'm probably not the best person to comment on such things. I do like how Frieza is so distressed that his son becomes Saiyan-like - the very essence of what he shouldn't be. But doesn't Frieza love Vegeta? Why would he let Vegeta survive if he wanted to destroy all monkeys? This is what we call an inconsistency folks and it makes me hard as all fuck.
This is better than most BYARMs, but it's kinda long too. Also, the plotlines kind of don't go anywhere at the end of Act II. Crepe wrote strongly here - far above what he's usually capable of. My own sections were okay for the most part, I think. I liked writing about Kuriza at the zoo and the three characters I created (FDR, Guacano, and King Butterball), but nothing else is too memorable to me. I think Creeperman values this story more than I do, and I'm fine with that. I think he did quite well here, given his skill set and his age and where he is in his development as a writer. It's also funnier than I remembered. It's a lot funnier overall than the other BYARM DLC I wrote for A Short-Lived Dream. Overall, I'm quite happy with this one. Certainly, it's not the best BYARM style story I've ever been a part of, but it's Crepe's best, and probably the most fun I had writing one with him.
<---- Part 81
Part 83 ---->