Vegeta: The Tale of Chiaotzu was one of four stories created after the The Big Book of Very Important Things page was made. It was the last one created, although it was the ninth finished. Both it and Dragon Ball Supper were finished in 2018, more than a year after their pages were made.
The basic premise of this story was that it never made sense that Future Trunks did not use the Namekian Dragon Balls to wish back the Z Fighters in his timeline. Namek existed in the future timeline, and he knew about it, after his talks with the present Z Fighters. It's simply a plothole.
This story was an old-style KV parody story. It's very much like Dragonball KC with a more modern application. There are references to TUN, to Creeperman, to numerous other users, and there are plenty of in-jokes that perhaps only we understand.
This was a story I wrote while drunk (sans the last section), which I think is pretty obvious when looking at it. I wrote every chapter on the wiki page, except for the last one. I do not have a google doc for it. As such, I pretty much have no memory of writing this story.
I wrote chapter 1 on May 10, 2017. Later that night, I got very drunk and then wrote chapters 2-7 before going to bed. I wrote off and on from about 1 in the morning to 4:15 am. When I woke up, I created the header for chapter 8 and then didn't edit the page again for another year. I began writing the eighth chapter on July 2, 2018, and finished it the next day. It was originally written as the opening scene to Doctor Piggyboy. On August 24, 2018, after I had written three pages of the second scene of Doctor Piggyboy, I decided to axe the first scene and put it into this story. At that point, Vegeta: The Tale of Chiaotzu was essentially finished, although over the next month, I made minor edits which were mostly spelling and grammar fixes.
There is some nostalgia in this story. The spirit of the early days of Dragon Ball Fanon discord were captured in some of the stuff here, as were my relationships with various users. Aside from that, this story is a heaping pile of shit. Anyways, it's time to get into the endnotes.
Once upon a time in Future Trunks' timeline everyone was dead except for a few peool liike mr. roshi and Korin in the underwater submarine.
Ill show u fear in a handful of dust mate.
Bulma peeled open the can of expired tuna. "bring getes back i wanna have a bulla"
"Ok mom gosh" Future Trunks scratches the back of his head and goes red.
*badass music plays which makes the reading experience much better great job*
"congrats the androids are dead I'm going to New Namek to get the dragon balls bc itd be a plothole if I didn't," Trunks explained to the ppl of earth.
"Who the hell are you?" a woman shouted she had no teeth
"I uh well I a-a-a-a-a" F. Trunks stammered as usual.
A few too many clapping BAZINGAAAAAA...
- It's hard to imagine Future Bulma ever masturbating again after Future Vegeta died. Her puse has to be pretty dusty.
- Future Trunks was once inside Bulma's vagina, so that was why he only got slightly embarrassed when she presented it to him.
- The bazinga stuff was me mocking The Big Bang Theory, but I suppose that is rather obvious and obnoxious.
ch2: hi im newd
- I think this chapter was where I hit my stride.
ch3 newd namek
dendi where u at my g say trunks.
New NAmek was a peaceful little shithole it wsa the kinda place you'd take your second cousin to shag on the carpet if you know what i mean
""I do not sir what the fuck do you mean?!"
"them G's roasted shiiiieeet" damn g this is not good where my dragonballs at shenrooooooooooooooon" trunks cry in the rain ss2
every single asexual namek was dead, some of them snails fried to all fuck
rip in pepperoni ayy, "screame eh trunk "fuk this puse wet fuk this puse deep yooo"
It was, for lack of a better word, a cunt of a day. You ever had one of those cunts of a day where you just wanna be the burnt side of a tortilla. well trunks whois very sxy n a h eh aw when he like. But who's ty say
"did somebody say lotsa spageti" Zeroes the Icejin.
soiobrrerd by turbo fuel, fuel ro whenu wanna turbo'
"zeros the icjin how coudl u kill all the namekis"
"bitch i look like gohan
no udont what the fukc
Hi, this is trunks with a message for all the children out ther. re e berikids if the puse aint drippin this niꬶꬶa aint quittin
zeros: horrible trunks fk u
now bak to the plot
"ill kill u mate ill rip ur coccylx atou"
"tereu" say zerou
"i had several assorted gs i wanted bring back wtf u kil all naekmer"
"bithc i loke with u gonna die"
trunks goes ssj43
yo, "say joshua, "why didnur ss54 or ss or super saiyan!!!!! jist what the heck
- Zeroes was based on Zero_(LOTSG). Not a very good name for an Arcosian in my opinion, so I satirized the bloke.
- It felt appropriate to have Zeroes kill all the Namekians because Future Trunks does not deserve a happy ending. That timeline is a disaster (also, the way that Future Goku dies makes the entirety of Dragon Ball (but perhaps not Dragon Ball Z) pointless in that timeline), so why not make it a little worse?
- Zeroes probably looks as much like Gohan as Souja Boy looks like Goku.
- The pictures are pics that Creeperman129 would spam in the DBF discord back in the day. I guess I was poking fun at him for being such a spammy individual and how I didn't particularly find those pictures to be funny because of how he overused them.
zeros emperor of the aiyajin warior-
Wickers. Ears. A corn husk and a falp
"IM FINNEGAN!!" Zeroes. "Chardonayy!!!!!@!###@@#"
It was, for lack of a better word, a second cunt of a day. Haha who wouldve thought u could have 2 in a row g
- This chapter was more self-aware than anything else in The Big Book of Very Important Things. There are overt references to "The Waste Land" by T.S. Eliot here throughout. That's a damn good poem, and it later served as the inspiration for the sixth chapter of Dragon Ball Supper, so as can be apparently seen, I was quite in the mood for it here.
a seyx interldu
%trickykun *spits in senpeias nose
%ozymandias22 *cums immensely*
%tujrfick *lik fot :0
%kayv. helo and succboi here 2dy we have the bigto
- This chapter has personal value in that it reminds me of a time that has long since passed, but it's not particularly meaningful, or relevant. It shows what a weakling I can be. I never had the foot fetish but I'd still engage with it because of the value otherwise. Tricktron was absolutely an unstable human being though, and I know he was young, but goddamn, that's a person who you interact with and you just know they're going to be dramatic for their entire life.
ch5: the one where trunks and zeroes fight for the fate of the uni
shiiiet daw y u kil them slug greens
"i had a paintcan 1 time i can mnaemf it bri gren"
Now this is serious. Trunks perused around the store like a common housewife, like a wife of a common house so to speak, like a woman who inhabits a multitude of white and black clothes all meant to make me wish to copulate with her until we produce an heir to the human species but i digress
i like vaginas that look like sideways lips
svrl fit asian men filed into the room. it was imperative that none of them had any shirts on right? anyways at this point eraw3 tie
I have this strain called Green Crack that is an exquisite strain and it makes me wanna fucc so much puse when I fucc that Chiharu she like niꬶꬶa u wet bitch ill mkr u gape im fuckn huerge""""""""
When chiharu cum like that bitch b like eeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.!!!!.....!!!!!eeeeeaaah!!! kayvee-sama i hate muslims pls agre wit me 2 get into my puse
"ok chiharu i also hate muslims now cani smash
a humanewr made vagin what a mgiahr.
Ok Trunks kamehameh 1
"gold fooorm bitchz" Zeroes purred. he loved golden showers but more often than not he like dtti erbrig the golden shor but not receive. its kinda like when i wanna fuk a real hotty ik like bb pls my names stoya
bitch im the destroya
"I will end u pleb"
"bitch what u call me"
and so it went but zeroes was colr bc homeland *cjums* i can do 500 hit combo
What the shit," said the benrneobionicle "u fukin hax"
"bitch this timeloise ruspruoup got hax immunity" Getis levitanti off thero flro anidt shit.
"500 hit combo u dazed u stunned i cn do 10 majic spells in a row fkr how about that"
"how bout that puse bone dry
- This chapter exists primarily to show an epic battle between Trunks and Zeroes. I did a splendid job with that.
- Chiharu did not like muslims, and I can't say I blame her given her interactions with them.
- Stoya is a porn star that I only know the name of because many a year ago I purchased her fleshlight, the destroya, which was the only fleshlight I ever tried out that was decent (I'm not really one to fuck things, for getting fucked is better for me in general, so I don't use them too often, but the destroya was one I have put some mileage into).
cyh6ja the one where trunks runs b=ck r=we the mommy
she like "bitch it samui out
"yo niꬶꬶa thats filthy"
"hug me tight nya
but that pbithr cgot pubic hair out the wzzor haruy
Grhu im trunks and i cant beat u
"ull beat me alright beat me off hahahaha ha. haha."
The crowd applauds politely.
dun touch my bulma trunks raored and slapped Zeroes on the face
poof zerios turned into a younger zerous "im vulnerable helup..
"I wanna blank ur blank, yeah blanks are good, lets blank blank blank outside kay," clear throat: "hi im chris hansen welcome to dateline nbc why dun u ahve taoi hseat over there.?/
zeroes shoeruged "when the night is young"
man im dark yo "trunks pulled don his pants "this is a sick microtan bra
bulla was none too pleased with her fbrotehr s pubal bush
4:15 Creeperman129 nah i save my munnt *munny
- Samui means cold in Japanese. Chiharu would always say that to me when we were out late at night.
- Like all Japanese girls, Chiharu had a massive bush.
- Basically what happened is that Zeroes touched Bulma (somehow she got to New Namek) and that caused Trunks to go into rage mode, channeling Vegeta in the BOG saga. He then slaps Zeroes so hard that Zeroes becomes a young child again. Thus, he is defeated, for young children are never as powerful as they could be when they are adults.
- This chapter confirms that Bulla existed the whole time, regardless of what Trunks said in the first chapter.
chapter 7: caulifla discovers puse
Doctor Puarson was a helluva guy. Neurotic as an Arcosian in drag, it made sense that he would prefer buff and mature men for the most part; the women he fancied had to look like garbage bags full of fresh mango pulp if he was going to get off. Some might say he had a lady’s sexuality, but that’s a hella weird thing to say.
Doctor Rota was a swell individual. Unsalted, he was a marvelous man. Intrepid as a gauss warthog resting on his space laurels, the good doctor enjoyed his share of gruel. For example, he was not a pig. He hated the look of Ribrianne, although he wouldn’t realize that until the Tournament of Power (which took place several years after this neat tale). Looking upon her did not fill his robust clitoris with blood. He could be such a goddamn normie sometimes.
“Look at these wonderful bitches I created,” Doctor Puarson exclaimed with some semblance of self-awareness. You could always tell when Puarson was excited because he’d talk to you for several hours instead of bailing after two minutes like usual. “I call these little monsters… waffies. Look at ‘em, Rota. I want you to look at ‘em. They’re weird and I love them.”
Doctor Rota looked at them. He looked at those filthy waffies like they were supposed to rouse in him a lady’s heat. “They’re flat except for those imprints in their skin where they aren’t. Why would anyone make people who look like waffles that I eat for breakfast sometimes? Is this some kind of sick joke, Mr. Puarson, my dearest friend?”
“Shut your pig hole, Doctor! Good gracious! I came up with a weird idea, okay? It took me half an hour to make these fuckers.”
“One time, I genetically engineered a hybrid species of pigmen. The medical establishment shunned me for decades after, but I’ll tell you, the government stole them from me and is making a shadow army out of my most potent specimens! I’ve warned everyone what’s going to happen next, but no one seems to listen, damn them, sorah!”
Doctor Puarson had long hair and a chin that looked like it was carved from rock. This is not to say he looked stoned. “Shut your pig hole, Rota. My waffies are nothing like your pigmen. Like, I want to make up these really weird creatures for fun. That makes me happy. At the same time, if you try to do anything like that, I’ll roll my eyes and not be amused, for such things are not amusing to me. I hate it when you do the same stuff I do. In fact, me merely mentioning this is enough to trigger me all over again.”
“Oh, okay,” Rota squealed like a stuck pig.
“I’m allowed to be weird and strange,” Puarson, the giant kitty man, continued nobly, stroking his chin fur. He wasn’t wearing a shirt, since it was hot out. If Rota could describe the good doctor, he would only use pejoratives, so he quickly gave up on trying. Puarson was a cat man, a blue cat man, a man with a tail and claws and an aquatic snout. He did not smell of tuna fish, which was how Rota preferred it.
“If I’m being weird too-”
“Well, like, look, you know I don’t like it when you try to be funny,” broad-shouldered Puarson snapped. “I’m a comedian. I get to decide what’s funny.”
“HAEC is too radical because HAES is a real thing, right?”
“Look, I’m a hypocrite. I love it when I create strange and weird creatures, but if anyone else does that, I’m not going to like it. Also, I only like it when I get to fuck Zamasu, not you, you degenerate swine.”
“You can’t be a comedian if you’re so easily offended,” Rota grunted. “In fact, one might say you need to be funny to be a comedian.”
“True, true, I don’t know why I’m such an asshole, but it feels good to be lazy.”
The neurotic bubble he lived in must have been rather cozy. “I don’t know why the fuck I responded to you when I was on deck,” Puarson said nervously. “I think I’m just like a space dog… whenever someone says my name, I get excited.”
A generous dude in the audience giggled a little.
“You’re a comedian!” Doctor Rota said warmly, clapping Puarson on the shoulders. “Well done. Come on then. Tell me a joke.”
“The beaches are sixty percent ash-”
“Okay, okay, settle down. That’s enough outta you.” Doctor Rota smacked Doctor Puarson on the mouth, and down went Puarson. Although he was a doctor, his PhD was in eighteenth century British landscape paintings. Rota, on the other hand, was a Doctor of Science. He had spent twelve years at Space Alien Circumcision School and graduated in the middle of his class. “You want me to show you why they call me the doctor?”
“Basically… run?!” Puarson made himself laugh.
Puarson’s deep voice was more than an oddity. He was a feline-looking fellow (not one you’d expect to hang around with a pig with a sharkfin on his head). Puarson, of course, was more than a blue cat man. Sporting a furry porpoise’s snout, seven feet tall and lanky as a medium-sized T-Rex dildo, the humble doctor was nothing if not imposing. His blue and tan fur was somewhat of an oddity in Rota’s opinion.
“Ain’t no color rarer than blue in nature, shieet. I don’t trust that man,” he muttered to himself, massaging his tusks like one would milk a bull. “Anyways, Puarson, we’re going to Sadala. Pack your bags, I don’t have all day!”
“Why didn’t you tell me about this before, Rota, my swine of a colleague?! Sadala is far away from the vague place we’re chillin’ at.”
“There’s something in the water, and they want us to investigate. I’m not going alone.”
“Alright, but if I’m going, I’m going to transform into something sexy.” Puarson grunted, jumping onto a table, and flexing his quads. “I graduated from Northern Transformation Preschool yesterday!” the man boasted, beating his chest. “Watch what I can do! I’m the bloomers!!”
With a puff of smoke, Doctor Puarson transformed into a pair of large white-and-purple polka dot bloomers. As the bloomers drifted towards Rota’s snout, however, his form changed again… this time to a pair of whitey tighties. At that precise moment, Puarson landed on Rota’s poor piggy nose.
The good doctor snorted and smacked that fool aside, hitting him into a wall. “Miss me with that gay shit,” he grunted, as Puarson reverted to his regular cat self.
“S-sorry…” the kitty cried. “I’m not so good at transforming, it seems! Hahah, that was embarrassing!”
Doctor Rota glanced up at his framed diploma, which hung on the wall in front him, just above his bed. He had graduated the Northern Transformation Preschool just that morning, and for once he had been top of his class. Puarson had advised him to hang the diploma at their doctor’s office on Nolad VI, as that would bring the two scoundrels even more business, but Rota was pleased with how it was now. He could eat his slop, go to bed, and feel proud about himself for all he’d accomplished this way. He wouldn’t have to use his imagination to remind himself of all that he had succeeded in doing.
Of all Doctor Rota’s many accomplishments, this was his greatest. “That’ll do, pig, that’ll do,” he whispered to himself, patting his belly and licking his tusks.
- This chapter is entirely about TeamUnitedNerds. He is Dr. Puarson. The way I viewed this was that Dr. Rota was U6's Oolong, so Dr. Puarson was U6's Puar. Puar feels like an appropriately important character to have TUN play.
- I put a lot of effort into this section, for I not only wrote it, but edited it extensively. It was meant to be part of Doctor Piggyboy. However, it was a little too absurd to put in that story. Some aspects of the plot of Doctor Piggyboy remain, such as the two of them wanting to go Sadala (which Rota does do in Doctor Piggyboy). Other than that, though, this section is a scathing takedown of TeamUnitedNerds' comedy, his narcissism, his neuroticism, and his self-infatuation.
- The waffies are based on the pannies from Across the Universe. TUN has a habit of coming up with really absurd ideas and then falling in love with them. The second I try to do anything outlandish, he becomes offended. Basically, he's a huge hypocrite and a shit and I hope I was able to portray that accurately here.
- "If Rota could describe the good doctor, he would only use pejoratives, so he quickly gave up on trying." - this sentence sums up this entire chapter.
- HAEC (health at every consciousness) is featured in Leap. TUN was greatly offended by that, so I stopped collaborating with him. HAES (health at every size) is pure bullshit, anti-science, and almost as narcissistic a movement as TUN, so I was always going to mock them at some point in time. If that offended him, tough shit and goodbye.
- "“You can’t be a comedian if you’re so easily offended,” Rota grunted. “In fact, one might say you need to be funny to be a comedian.”" - this is perhaps the biggest point of this chapter. TUN is a perpetually offended individual, yet he wants to be a comedian. He doesn't seem to realize that if he wants to be a comedian he has to drop being offended by things all the time and stop policing what can and cannot be funny. I don't find him to be funny at all. He showed me a one minute or so comedy set once, and that was one bomb after another. Not a single joke that was even a 3/10. Also, for a self-proclaimed comedian, he never seemed to make any jokes in chat (at least that made anyone laugh), so that adds to my suspicion that he's a hack.
- In U6, it's the Puar, not the Oolong, who sucks at transforming.
A worthwhile venture, to be sure. The takedown of TUN in the final chapter is the most valuable part of this to me. I have come back to read it every now and then for I love it so much. If anything, though, I went somewhat easy on him. I am just glad that I found out what kind of person he was before I started any meaningful collaborations with the guy.
<---- Part 119.3
Part 119.5 ---->