On July 4, 2014, I got drunk and proceeded to write this page. It's not really a story, or maybe it is, and it probably would have been deleted at some point had I not included it in The Big Book of Very Important Things. Not a lot to say about this one. I mainly just wrote down some things HZ was saying to me over skype video. The first half was written on July 4 (with the last line being added in on July 8, although I had been meaning to put it in on the 4th, but fell asleep before being able to); the second half was written on August 26, 2017, when I was again drunk and again skype calling HZ.
Every line of the first part was something HZ said (although I may have misspelled some words). The second section is again like this for HZ's dialogue, although my own dialogue is stuff I made up (I did not ask HZ those questions with the exact wording for my parts, but his answers were word-for-word accurate). So yeah. This was, uh, something. I don't know if I really consider this a story in the sense that the other 9 chapters of The Big Book of Very Important Things are, but eh, it's close enough. I am quite enamored by that cucumber quote.
Story[edit | edit source]
you wnnt remember any of this tomorrow
fox is the boss
its what i like to do
fox is too difficult to play is
speakin of which i need to feed them right now
thats how its done
i thought this was america
yea man thers fireworks outside
i got my first running riot in halo reach today
since I ran out and there aren't enough for one meal, I will be also eating a little less than half of an entire cucumber
Master KidVegeta: soo zerglin whats cuber fav food?
Hyper: Chaiva's vaginal fluid
Master KkidVegeta: tell me about yourself
Get Hype: theresf much to say im hyper zerglin
Master KidVegeta: why dont you write the personality section for fducber
zerg: im still figurin out this day
masterchef: whats cubers real fav food?
zerglin hpe: the answer is chinese dumplings w/ white reglar rice
kv:: fav poke?
hyper z: tyranitar!!!!!!!!!!!!!
kv: what pokemon do you hate the most
h. zerg Ling: i dont know im thinkin right now *asks group of intelligent peers behind him*
Endnotes[edit | edit source]
- I did in fact remember all of it the following day.
- As you can see, I didn't write down everything HZ said. I tried to pick out the most meaningful phrases for the first section in particular. Look at, for example, the first eight lines. Every one of them is unbelievably trite or hollow. I don't know, man. Is HZ a real person, does he just suck at social interaction, or is he like a serial killer or something? Who talks like that? I mean I knew his characters didn't have any personality, but you'd think he himself would have some.
- The cucumber quote is perfectly awkward, needlessly specific in random ways, and syntactically unusual. Excellent job by HZ there. I can get a very good sense of his aesthetics from that quote alone, trust me. This is a great line of characterization for HZ, and the only meaningful quote from the first half of this story.
- I was not pleased, it must be said, by HZ's answer to my first question in part 2.
- The second section feels like every time I try to talk to HZ when he's not ranting at me about stuff he wants to talk about. When you ask him shit, he will never give you meaningful, clear answers. This section is emblematic of the problems I have conversing with HZ sometimes.
- Tyranitar's alright, but definitely not a top 50 Pokemon. Don't get crazy now.
- HZ actually did ask his friends for counsel on determining his least favorite Pokemon. I think they gave an answer at some point like 15 minutes later, but by then, I was bored with this page, so yeah... that's when it ended.
- I find it sad that HZ is such a slave to his emotions that he cannot even come up with a couple of contenders for his least favorite Pokemon off the top of his head. One or two should come to mind immediately. What the hell? This is an extravagance of laziness and indecision, and boy oh boy does that not reflect well on lil ol georgie boy.
If I hadn't ever written this page, nothing would be different, except I would have saved about twenty minutes not writing this anthology, so it's always nice to keep things in perspective in these days of cultural degeneracy, etc.
<---- Part 119.7
Part 119.9 ---->