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On December 14, 2021, I finally reached Dragon Ball Super in my rewatch of the entire anime for Somewhere Between The Ocean and The Bottom of This Glass. By this point, I had already written the first draft of Soft Matter, but had no other DBS story ideas going into it. On December 29th, I reached the Copy-Vegeta Saga, and it was while watching episode 44 that this idea popped up, on account of Monaka writing in to another radio station while flying to Potaufeu. That scene was quite good, and resonated with me, for it felt very in-line with the themes of this collection. At that time, I had gained three other ideas from watching the three previous sagas, but this was an idea that I was fairly sure I was going to do as soon as I came up with it. That was not the case with the other three, so I knew I was 100% going to do this one.
Somehow I had gotten it in my head that Monaka appears again during the filler episodes that end the "Future" Trunks Saga, so I didn't immediately write this story, although I did have a vague outline for it. When I got through those episodes and realized he wasn't going to appear again (neither would there be any more galactic radio chatter, which I was also seeking) in any significant capacity, I ended up writing out this story a little bit sooner than I otherwise would have. My notes for this timeline are as follows:
1/1/22 notes:
- Scene 1: Monaka hears the news station refuse to read his message while delivering to somewhere and decides to mess with them
- Scene 2: Monaka pranks the news station by messing with a delivery (from another company)
1/5/22 notes:
- Scene 2: Monaka delivers the package, using another delivery vehicle as cover
- Scene 3: Driving home, Monaka listens to what happens live on air
- not going to write this one yet, as I want to get more of a feel for the story; there is more galactic chatter (probably only from Jaco's vehicle) in future episodes, and I want to hear all of those before writing this - perhaps the last one is during the Watagash arc?
- Monaka's last real appearance is at the end of the Potaufeu Saga, and he is a major character in that saga, so rewatch his scenes from there before writing this
1/14/22 notes:
- he bows and takes off his hat before announcing "I have XXX for [Person's name]"; "Thank you for choosing us for all your shipping needs, and please consider using us again in the future!"
- he works for an unnamed Cosmic Shipping Company; it is probably for the best to remain unnamed
- the only episodes that really mattered for this (aside from Monaka's earlier characterization): episode 42; episode 44, first half (this is the main one)
- personality: professional, with a devious side, not overly ambitious, but quick to act
- Radio Galaxy is the one Monaka listens to in canon, but the one he should parody should be Howard Stern or O&A
- use denatonium benzoate (Bitrex) on the space sushi
- Useful quotes for the first radio section:
- "It's... I can't explain to you how I hate the callers," Anthony said with disgust
- "All kiddin' aside, let's take a good call. Let's not... let's stop fudging around (excuse my space French)." (jimmy)
1/20/22 notes:
- came up with the origami ending joke
1/25/22 notes:
- Scorch notes: listened to some O&A trashing Scorch's PFG TV 2009 for inspiration for the third section; Scorch's is called his "Huge Mailbag"
1/26/22 notes:
- have Scorch say the color and number of the day at the start of the third scene
I began writing it on January 15, 2022, although the first draft was finished just after midnight of the 16th, making it the fifteenth and final one-shot in Somewhere Between The Ocean and The Bottom of This Glass first-drafted. That went smoothly. Only took about thirty-one minutes.
In preparing to edit it, I re-read Pontas Pilot and made some notes about what I wanted to change. The most important change was that the second and third scenes were going to be combined and that Monaka would not in fact listen to SO&SA again, but tune in to Scorch instead. Scorch's lines were significantly improved (as mentioned in the notes above) and some things like the number and color of the day were added during the editing phase. The origami joke was only created during the editing phase, for instance, despite that joke and its quality (or lack thereof) being the crux of the entire story.
On 1/28/22, I wrote out the second draft of a new combined second and third scene. It was a good deal shorter and did not have the scene at Space Sirius expanded much at all. The next day, I added in the Space Sirius stuff and edited what existed of this new second scene. The first scene was not edited during this time because it was not seen as much of a problem and would require only light passes, whereas scenes 2 and 3 required a structured rewrite, thus necessitating more drafts. On the evening of the 29th, several hours later, I did an overall pass-through of the story and was fairly pleased. It did not require heavy editing. One final draft was done before I went to bed, and then it was basically finalized. I changed a minor thing the next morning, so technically, Pontas Pilot was finished on 1/30/22. Either way, it was the thirteenth story finalized in the collection.
If you don't know Opie & Anthony and to a lesser degree the radio personality that is Scorch, then there are many references that will fly over your head. I do pity anyone who doesn't listen to (or listened to) O&A, but that's just how it's going to be. Now then, let's give this one a look-see.
Story[]
Xikal, second moon of Planet Xii, January 17, Age 780
Monaka tipped his hat to the pinkish, caped Prince Beelzebub, who alone had come to greet him on the dark landing pad outside the Starchasers’ moonbase. “Thank you for choosing us for all your shipping needs, and please consider using us again in the future.”
“Thanks, man. I can’t get enough of The Yardratian,” he said, thumbing through the magazine. “What a bunch of pretentious snobs. Their narcissism sustains me.”
The demon glaring at him, Monaka retreated to his ship and hastily left Xikal, swearing he’d never return until the next shipment brought him back. The solar system vanished in a bending ripple in space-time, and as he propped his feet up on the dashboard, he was thankful to be away from that cheeky guy. He changed channels to the ‘Opie & Space Anthony Show’, and while he had missed a few minutes of the opening, he cared not, for they never read listener emails this early anyway.
“Speaking of which,” Opie burped into the mic (three seconds of dead silence followed), “let’s go to Great Pontas for—”
Space Anthony scoffed. “Nooo! I will not suffer any listeners today. It’s… I can’t explain to you how I hate the fans. Especially the ones who write in.”
“All kiddin’ aside, let’s read a good letter from a fan. Let’s not—let’s stop fudging around (excuse my Space French),” said Space Chippah.
“I would rather succumb to a decades-long bout with penile cancer than hear what that asinine ‘Great Pontas’ has to say. But that’s just me,” Space Anthony replied.
“Hey Anthony, all kiddin’ aside, there’s no reason to call yourself an ass,” he snorted, clapping. “Fuckin’ home-run Chipperson. Go to break, Erock.”
The show did, leaving Monaka to stew. He had written something funny, something worthy of being read on the air for millions of fans. Space Anthony had ruined everything. In that case, he’d get them, and he’d get them good. Nobody did that to him. He would not be silenced. His chest bristled. They had crossed a line; now they would learn what it meant to mess with him. He couldn’t wait until his shift was over.
Forty-six days later, Monaka journeyed to the asteroid Space Sirius XM’s skyscraper had been built upon with a shipment of thirty-two frozen space pizzas for a pig called Nagel. Afterward, he hung around the delivery parking lot, for almost every space Wednesday, Opie & Space Anthony ordered space sushi for lunch. This would be his ticket in.
The vacant, artificially-lit lot was bitterly cold, so he remained in his ship until the delivery boy arrived. Throwing open the door, he ran to the juvenile space-badger, wiping sweat from his brow. ₩1500 was all it took to convince the kid to swap his bag of sushi with Monaka’s, which had been laced with a substance not unlike denatonium benzoate.
If there was one thing Monaka had learned in his travels through the galaxy, it was that there was a sucker born every second. The delivery boy vanished behind the black front doors, while he felt a groan of hunger rattle his bones. This was too perfect. Returning to his ship, he punched in the coordinates for the next destination: Faeri. Some woman there had ordered a discounted three-piece bathing suit two-pack at a steep discount.
Leaving the asteroid belt, Monaka broke open the bag of space sushi and changed the channel to Space Scorch’s show (live in Space Syracuse).
“And, uh, a reminder that the color of the day is verdigris. Number of the day… uh, let’s see what we got for ya… yeah, that’s gonna be fifty-seven. Fifty-seven. Heh. Well, alright, how about that? Now, let’s look inside Scorch’s Huge Mailbag.”
“Scorch’s Huge Mailbag!” a woman sang in falsetto as a jingle played, which was soon drowned out by synthetic applause.
“Yes, heheh, it’s the mailbag. Let’s see… first up: Mr. Great Pontas. Heh, weird name. I mean, whatever works for you. That’s what I say. Live and let live. Anywho, Mr. Great Pontas writes, ‘I work for a Cosmic Shipping company, and sometimes, when I get a package with a ‘DO NOT BEND’ message on it, I practice my space origami on it.’. Heh, well, would you look at that. We have a jokester on the loose. Alert the Galactic Patrol. Heh, sorry about that, folks. Anyway, moving on, let’s get started with the ‘Wheel of Meat’…”
Without a ship or planet in sight, the little rusting delivery truck pressed onwards through the void. Biting his lip, holding back just in case (for he was still on the clock), tickled by that old familiar chafing feeling, Monaka thought to himself, Got ‘em again.
Endnotes[]
- Monaka is a deep-space delivery pilot, and his nickname is Great Pontas, so the name is a fairly straightforward pun.
- This is the first story of mine to feature Monaka.
- Two out of the three Dragon Ball Super stories in this collection take place after the "Future" Trunks Saga. This is not me saying that there is nothing valuable or redeeming in the sagas before the Universal Survival Saga, but going into that saga, I had only 4 ideas over the course of five sagas of content. To put it precisely, for the sagas before the TOP, I was getting new story ideas at a rate of 1 per 17 episodes. This was lowered to 1 per 11 episodes during that single arc. So that era, and beyond, was focused on purposefully for that reason. I was more so in the mood for late-stage Dragon Ball Super in this collection, and I think the three theme songs reflect that.
- Opening the stories with the location and date is something I started doing in the second and third thrusts of this collection, and it's a stylistic choice that I'm fond of. It's a feature that may appear in a fair few future one-shots of mine.
- I considered having either Vizzer or Okinaro accompany Beelzebub to meet Monaka, but ultimately, that felt like a pointless cameo that didn't serve the story in any capacity, so I didn't do it.
- One must wonder if Monaka has ever glanced, in curiosity, through The Yardratian. If he had, Beelzebub's description of the celebrities mayhaps wasn't wasted air. Wouldn't want that in a minimalistic story.
- "while he had missed a few minutes of the opening, he cared not, for they never read listener emails this early anyway" - key point, that.
- Opie burping into the mic was never funny. He was rarely funny in general.
- Having the O&A conflict center around Anthony despising callers is nice because his criticisms of them were often veiled criticisms of Opie, and one would assume that is also the case here.
- The delivery boy confrontation scene was added in to add in an additional parallel between this story and PFR.
- The poor space-badger delivery boy likely got fired, and Monaka likely expected that would happen.
- Scorch really does the color and number of the day (or at least, he did on several iterations of his show), which is one of my favorite all-time things about him. Verdigris here is a bit of a cheeky choice—a color that seems to be deeper in meaning than it actually is. It's an edgelord color, which is perfect for Scorch. It's possible that it's evoking a sense of sabi, but that was merely a secondary consideration.
- I am fairly certain that Scorch lost the paper he had written down the number of the day on and came up with a new number on the spot. He has excellent improv skills, don't you think, to be able to pull that off?
- The synthetic applause is a key feature of any Scorch show.
- I suppose the central question this story is posing is this: does Monaka think he has a good sense of humor, or is he a deliberate anti-humor troll? I dunno, personally, never really thought about it.
Good character work here. Subtlety was the key. The form and style of the prose and plotting is tight and highly polished. It was fun to parody Scorch and O&A, too, so overall, I find Pontas Pilot to be quite nice.
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