Lies In The Old Hat was always intended to be the last of the triumvirate of my comedic stories (with the other two being (Dragonball KC and The Anonymous Series). I chose this one to be a roleplay and collaboration with Destructivedisk because I wanted to get the achievements for those categories. The main thing with this story is that I needed to be drunk and I didn't have that much alcohol, so the length of the story was affected by that. The name of this story is based off of Dragon Ball: Exploration Out Dated By Lise Vegeta's Sister(fic). I will not mince words; that story is garbage. It is absolute shit. And the name itself is nonsensical beyond belief. I misspelled lise as lies and then used a synonym for outdated with old hat. The funny thing is that the name has nothing to do with the story.
The story is mainly about the Zeatles, who are just famous DBF users based on the Beatles. I was in a Beatles mood when writing this story, which is what prompted all of the musical stuff. As well, this continues my experimentation with different types of stories. This one introduces not only fan songs, but also a fan manga by me. So in that sense, Lies in the Old Hat was as much a comedy as it was an experiment in form.
Because I wrote so much of this story while drunk, there will be quite a bit of it that I won't remember writing. So I'll try to do my commentary as best as I can, but there will be gaps in my memory.
- 1 Story
- 1.1 not zeatles saga
- 1.2 the zeatles saga
- 1.2.1 chapter 1:looking for a better drummer than rINGO
- 1.2.2 ZeatlesFan12 Song: A Song of Homestuck and EpicMafia
- 1.2.3 TUNgo Song: With A Little Help From KV
- 1.2.4 Chinese George Harrison Song: While My Xbox Gently Freezes
- 1.2.5 D.D. Lenin Song: I Am The Mongoose!
- 1.2.6 Kid Faul Song: Hey Zeus
- 1.2.7 Freestyle about Rafael
- 1.2.8 memuars of a gay shah
- 1.2.9 this one goes to eleven
- 1.2.10 the finale: this some bullshit
- 2 Final thoughts
Story[edit | edit source]
not zeatles saga[edit | edit source]
thyme is on my side yes he is bitch[edit | edit source]
Fuck, I: I want to find the Dragon Balls!
Fuck, I: Let's go to the west where the Dragon Ball star #3 is.
Tooba: *bruffles* Wait im here
Fuck, I: Tooba, let's go fuck up some bitches and grab us some dragon balls
Tooba: ok but don not make me ride in the side car this time I want to be on the back of the automocycle
Fuck, I: nah bitchtitsface you gonna ride in the sidecare and you gonna like it. your gonna finger me in the asshole and I won't do anything in reciprocation BECAUSE IM A STUPID BITCHY SLUT
Tooba: ill pay for it every other time tho
Fuck, I: press A to jump. press B to run. press A and B at the same time to NEVER DO ANYTHING FOR ME EVEN THOUGH I CONSTANTLY COMPLIMENT YOU AND TRY TO MAKE YOU CUM BY FINGERING YOU. also dragon balls
Ziggy P.: Haha ha! I have the Dragon Balls! HA ha! *he runs off with them over his head*
Tooba: Curses! I need to kill that guy to get Dragons to make a wish
KidVegeta: what the hell is this
Ziggy P.: Haha! I am too far away! Haha! I will run forever into the sunset and then there are some sand mountains that I will run over into the desert which then becomes an oasis to hide in which you will not find me but if you do i can use a wish to make you go away (into space haha! that means u will die :)
Tooba: I will chase you until you are unable to be cahsed any longer! *he does the grunt thing where the ki comes around him and he runs like a superhuman incredible 2.0
Rahul: im so cool because i like things
Ziggy P.: *shoots the moon, causing it to explode* Now I will take over the planet and I have the money to do it, not like some fag making comets come from the sky like the gods cumming
Tooba: Quickly, I will make a new friend to help us with this sudden plot twist!
Fuck, I: I, Fuck I, will resolve this sudden plot twist with my massive plot booster to fuck upp all hte biches. Fuck, I is here to save the day!
Tooba: *shits out thyme*
Fuck, I: /*picks up thyme and eats it*
Thyme: *chestburster tho*
Fuck, I: Fuck, I went to the store and bought some groceries.
Krillin V. 2.0: I am now updated and improved. My destructo disk works sometimes now
Thyme: *sees a tooba* Aye, papi!
Fuck, I: Fuck, I has a bad habit of referring to himself in the tbird person
tbird person: what the fuck did you just say to me, you little bitch?!
Fuck, I: Fuck, I didn't mean to say that you! I would like to have sex with you because third person is very attractive
Krillin V. 2.0: I want to squeez android 19s titties
Ballbuss: I can arange that if you pay me a finders fee of $19.95 and you can get free shipping if u want to do it now, ok? Yeah we will do it
Fuck, I: Fuck, I want to fuck you
Grimpb: *masturbates furiously to the proceedings, especially at the moon explosion* yeah boi we never landed there anyway
fUCK I: STUPID BITCH CHEATED ON ME WITH MY BROTHER
Brain #7: I dont think we should go to maury any1 up for some jerry springer? *all nod* ok then lets go to steve wilkos *some people go a bit crazy like when oprah stashes things under their seat; thyme finds a fleshlight with the guru skin*
Krillin V. 2.0: Im probably going to die guys
Ziggy P.: Haha! *shoots krillin with a scaple causes the bald 2.0 to die again firey*d
Fuck, I: Fuck, I am going Super Saiyan!
END NOT ZEATLES SAGA
- This saga was never originally intended to exist. Because Destructivedisk wanted to collaborate with me, he created this saga.
- When Destructivedisk created Fuck, I, he wanted the character to go on an adventure for the Dragon Balls. Obviously, that never really happened.
- When KidVegeta vomited, that really happened. I drank way too much the first day, so we had to stop writing to allow me to go throw up all over the place.
- Thyme is on my side is a reference to the song "Time Is on My Side" by The Rolling Stones.
- Fuck, I's dialogue is a reference to Destructivedisk's girlfriend not reciprocating.
- When Tooba says "Curses!" that's a reference to the dialogue of the Loudmouth's system message (when visited) in Epic Mafia.
- Ziggy P. is just a character who I made who was supposed to be the quintessential crackpot. Perhaps he was slightly mocking David from A Front.
- Ziggy P.'s dialogue is based off of Speed Racer's.
- Ziggy P.'s wish is something that I've always thought about. You can't wish for someone powerful to die, but why not just use the Dragon Balls to wish them into space or into the center of a star? It would accomplish the same thing as wishing to kill them.
- Rahul is a person that DD, HZ, and I know in real life. He's one of those guys who thinks he's cool because of what he likes. But his personality is lackluster and toolish. I mocked him for that.
- Shooting the moon is a reference to taking all hearts and the queen of spades in Hearts.
- Ziggy P. is obviously mocking David from A Front when he talks about the comet.
- Thyme's "*chestburster tho*" is one of the most hilarious lines in the story. It is also a reference to how baby Aliens hatch.
- tbird person's dialgue is just memespeak.
- Grimpb is one of those people who doesn't believe we landed on the moon. I had recently watched a few television programs about that ridiculous claim and was making fun of it with that character.
- Brain #7's dialogue is something I don't remember writing, though I do get the references. Of course Steve Wilkos is my favorite of those Jerry Springer-type shows, so I had to mention him. And the guru fleshlight needs no explanation.
the zeatles saga[edit | edit source]
chapter 1:looking for a better drummer than rINGO[edit | edit source]
D.D. Lenin: FUCKIN YOU ringo
D.D. Lenin: *smkes an acre of marijuana*
ZeatlesFan112: You can call me by my internet name of George Martin!
Kid Faul: haha fuck your shit, let's just spend a year perfecting all of my songs and chinese george harrison you can get 1 song for helping
Chinese George Harrison: Alright.
D.D. Lenin: i like aisans
Chinese George Harrison: No.
ZeatlesFan112: *pretty smart kid almost like a memekid jr* You're a cool guy, TUNgo. But you are the fifth best drummer we have.
Kid Faul: since i have the most songs we will just work on nothing but my stuff until you hate me
ghost bandit: hyeaah! *runs out of there*
Chinese George Harrison: Whatever, I just want halo screenshots.
- This was the last chapter that Destructivedisk helped with, and he honestly didn't do much of the dialogue anyway.
- DD's disdain of TeamUnitedNerds is real. So having Lenin hate TUNgo was beautiful.
- TUN often says "…" on the DBF chat, so that is the extent of what he can say in this story.
- Kid Faul's first dialogue is a reference to Paul McCartney's style of recording songs, where he often would spend far more time on his own songs than anyone else's. While I do mock that, I also believe that McCartney had the best of the Beatles' songs. It is also slightly mocking myself with how HZ and I wrote Dragon Ball: Cold Vengeance.
- Chinese George Harrison is based on Hyper Zergling, and Hyper Zergling often says "alright".
- HZ often does not read what you post when you talk to him, so he will also post things nonsensical, so that's where the "no" comes from.
- Sonikfan was known as memekid on DBF, so that's why he was called that in the story.
- HZ wanting halo screenshots is more of an in-joke, as he is always asking me to take some for him. DD and I often equate HZ's desire for screenshots with an addiction to drugs.
ZeatlesFan12 Song: A Song of Homestuck and EpicMafia[edit | edit source]
D.D. Lenin: i need more hair right moko
Moko Oono: yeah finger me again bitch
D.D. Lenin: I'm high as fuck.
Chinese George Harrison: What's up with those glasses man?
D.D. Lenin: iknow they are rouhnd like a little fat guy i cant see shit
ZeatlesFan112: Who here is drunk?
Kid Faul: (raises hand*
D.D. Lenin: *vomits in the corner* that was rad guys i want to put that fucking shit into my song
Chinese George Harrison: *voice as deep as mokos cunt* Whatever.
ZeatlesFan112: It's my song though.
Kid Faul: i dont even know whats going on
Kid Faul: oh ok
ZeatlesFan112: Go home Faul, you're drunk.
D.D. Lenin: fck u faget
Chinese George Harrison: Whoa man, not cool. Calm down and play some halo.
D.D. fuck u bitchface whineyface bullshit fucking kid cant even touch a pussy u faget *continues muttering to himself as he smokes more horseradish*
ZeatlesFan112: Ur mum, btw. *spontaneously composes a song*
*the orchestra appears and starts playing it is very loud and kid faul screams and gets blown away the wind takes him up into the rafters so he can explores nand get away from the asfty*
*moko thiks she has wings and mumps off the talbe*
ZeatlesFan112: That is my song and you will love it.
*tungo makes out with the chair he is sitting in*
ZeatlesFan112: Still a better love story than Twilight. *he nods super proud at himself as the ochestrea continues playing his song but it doesn't have words because he is kZEatlesFAn112*
D.D. Lenin: what the shithole? where is your song zeatlesbitch112?
Kid Faul: Hahaha I'm such a better songwriter than everyone else. fuckers you can't play instrumensts lieksa me
ZeatlesFan112: Curses! There are no lyrics to my instrumentalism!
*laugh trakc lplays like whenver anyoen la does anything on big bang theroyr fuck that show it sucks like serious they just breathe and the laugh track goes off sensistive motherfukcing techgnoly*
- DD's first dialogue is a reference to how John Lennon's hair got longer as time wore on. He started from looking okay to looking absolutely hideous as a human being, so I was making fun of that. Obviously, Lennon chose to look how he did with the long hair, so perhaps he couldn't see well? The sight questions do come up later in the story.
- At first I was going to have Yoko Ono play herself because no one would want to play her, but Destructivedisk got a girlfriend before I wrote this chapter, which allowed me to make her into Yoko Ono.
- Kid Faul's raising hand is a reference to when Rivers Cuomo's White Fender Stratocaster Made By Fender Musical Instruments Corporation raises his hand when he is introduced in Dragon Ball: Future Imperfect.
- I was commenting on Lennon's avant-garde fascination (often making his songs less than stellar) when he wanted to put his vomiting into one of his songs.
- I was mocking HZ when his character lowered his voice to appear more masculine. It's something I've noticed him do on more than one occasion.
- "Go home Faul, you're drunk." - that is a classic memekid line.
- When DD calls HZ "whineyface", this is a reference to another in-joke. DD renamed him that on skype for a while, and often called him that while in calls.
- I had Zeatlesfan write orchestral music because that was mainly how George Martin did his work. I was looking for an example of a lyric song that Martin wrote, but was unable to find it, so I didn't write any lyrics for Sonikfan's song. It's said to be about Epic Mafia and Homestuck (two things that Sonikfan likes), but honestly, who knows?
- When Kid Faul gets blown up to the rafters, that is a reference to Ape Escape, when the big fans would blow you away when you try to get close to certain monkeys.
- I don't remember writing TUNgo's make out session with his chair. But that's cool.
- Of course, Paul McCartney can play many instruments, and I can play the most out of all of the people cast as the Zeatles, so I had to make that joke.
- "Curses! There are no lyrics to my instrumentalism!" - if you know Sonik, that just sounds like something he would say. I can't believe I wrote something so in character while drunk.
- The riff on Big Bang Theory had to come. It's a terrible laugh-track show that just isn't funny and looks cheaply made. I guess when you watch a lot of Showtime and HBO (and even AMC), shows on ABC, CBS, and NBC just look like shit in comparison. BBT got mocked mainly because of all the discussion I had been seeing recently about how the laugh track is way too sensitive.
TUNgo Song: With A Little Help From KV[edit | edit source]
The following song is lyrically based upon A Little Help From My Friends. The instrumental is the same. Feel free to sing along with the below lyrics.
Kid Faul: Yeah! Great job buddy!
D.D. Lenin: fuck that ugy rigt babe?
Chinese George Harrison: TUNgo still thinks Faul is Paul. Even Rafael knows he's Faul. So stupid.
*TUNgo does haueuis rdurm solo monsterm sash*
Moko Oono: *throws up at thatds awfuls shti*
D.D. Lenin: Watch this fuckers *he stops masterbating x zuopis up and stnds* *he puts skittles in a line for liek a, mile it takes him weeksh e grows a beard too and animals live iang it he strokes them somestims but not alwys*
D.D. Lenin: *drinks an anetire bottle of uiski*
D.D. Lenin: *goeso n the floor like a vacum *naughyt noonoo) and sucks up all the skittles until there aren o moer he saves yellow ones for last in his mouth so hghe has some skittles in his mouth froever and the inshewods of his gums are yellow like the commie he is*
*TUNgo bursts into (Fruity flavor) 2nd drum solo*
Kid Faul: fuck i ate half a box of goldfish
Chinese George Harrison: Seriously fuck TUNgo. We can all drum better than him and he just sucks up to Faul.
Kid Faul: but i need the attention :)
D.D. Lenin: Holy dickfucking tittynuggets, Chinese George Harrison. i haven't see u this angry sicne AREA.
*TUN drum solo 3*
Chinese George Harrison: Oh yeah. *super aslong pase* Fuck that guy.
Kid Faul: haha you stupid cunt.
ZeatlesFan112: Guys, I haven't said anything in a while. I think it's because I've been playing LoL with Poe.
All Come Together (right now, over me): shut up u fuckin faget!!
What would you think if I wrote you a story? would you stand up and laugh at me? Lend me your time and I'll write you a tale, and I'll try to get some glory for me. Oh, I get by with a little help from KV. Mmm, I can write with a little help from KV. Mmm, gonna try with a little help from KV. *drum solo 4* What do I do when my mentor's away? (Does it worry you to think on your own?) How do I write these characters in brilliant ways? (Are you scared by the potential you've shown?) No, I get by with a little help from KV. Mmm, I can write with a little help from KV. Mmm, gonna try with a little help from KV. *drum solo 5* (Do you need any company?) I need somebody to beta read. (Could it be my chocolate bunny?) I want somebody to beta read. (Would you believe in perfection in first drafts?) Yes, I'm certain that KV's done it many times. (Who wrote Blueman, you or Mr. Daft?) I can't tell you, but I know he's lying. Oh, I get by with a little help from KV. Mmm, I can write with a little help from KV. Mmm, gonna try with a little help from KV. (Do you need any company?) I just need somebody to read. (Could it be my chocolate bunny?) I want somebody to beta read. *drum solo 6* Oh, I get by with a little help from KV. Mmm, gonna try with a little help from KV. Mmm, I can write with a little help from KV. Yes, I get by with a little help from KV. With a little help from KV. *drum solo 7* *drum solo 8* *drum solo 9* *drum solo 10* *drum solo 11* *drum solo 12* *drum solo 13* *drum solo 14* *drum solo 15* *drum solo 16* *drum solo 17* *drum solo 18* *drum solo 19*
- The TUNgo song was named as it was because I often helped TUN with ideas about his stories. Indeed, I was going to help him in an even more significant way, but he never finished blueman, his story about General Blue.
- Kid Faul's opening dialogue is typical of how I talk to TUN.
- Of course DD hates TUN for sucking up to me, but the main thing to take away from his first line of dialogue is that he calls Moko babe, which he calls his girlfriend in real life. I felt embarrassed for DD when I heard him call his girlfriend that, so I had to use it here.
- Chinese George Harrison's dialogue has numerous notes to it. For one, it talks about the faul/paul controversy that any hardcore Beatles fan knows about. Secondly, it mentions Raphael - ss11 - and how even he is more aware than TUN. This is something that happened in reality. DD wrote a chapter of TLS one time with Space Wepeel and other ludicrous plot ideas. TUN believed it was me who wrote it (and sucked up to me by loving it). But ss11 did not believe that I wrote it or wrote it seriously. Ever since that, HZ hasn't respected TUN for having inferior awareness to ss11. I mean, it's ss11. Come on, man!
- DD growing a beard and having animals grow in them is a reference to Family Guy, where Peter had a bird in his beard. The skittles part… honestly, I don't know where that came from.
- I called whiskey uiski because that's what it's called in Japanese. Also, I was thinking about Whis (who can be known as Uisu) when writing that, as his name was a pun off of whiskey.
- Naughty Noo Noo is from Teletubbies.
- The thing with DD being the commie he is is that I've always thought that his political leanings are far too totalitarian for me (and even for his supposed support of Ron Paul) so I had to mock him with that. I would mock him every day of the year for his political leanings if I could.
- I actually ate half a box of goldfish while writing this chapter. That's why Kid Faul says that.
- But I do need the attention!
- HZ hates AREA17000. DD was mentioning that. It's just funny how weird HZ is about AREA. His passion about hating that kid is unlike anything else.
- In real life, Sonik plays LoL with a friend of his named Poe. So that is another little in-joke that not many people would get.
- "All Come Together (right now, over me): shut up u fuckin faget!!" - this is everyone except ZeatlesFan talking. As well, the "right now, over me" part is reference to the Beatles song, "Come Together".
- The TUNgo drum solos are hilarious because drum solos are generally lackluster compared to the solos of other instruments.
- TUNgo's song is mainly about how he sucks up to me and has little confidence unless I say something he does is good. While I do indulge it a bit, I do mention that he's shown potential and has abilities on his own merit. That is the main thing to get from his song.
- I have no idea where the chocolate bunny line came from but it fits in beautifully with the song.
- Mr. Daft would likely be KV.
- Blueman is The Man Who Blue Himself.
- If that line is to be taken seriously, it means that KV either wrote blue man while TUN took credit, or he did something major for the story in some other way.
Chinese George Harrison Song: While My Xbox Gently Freezes[edit | edit source]
The following song is lyrically based upon While My Guitar Gently Weeps. The instrumental is the same. Feel free to sing along with the below lyrics.
Chinese George Harrison: So yeah. Screenshots. Let's go.
Kid Faul: *masturbating* aight
D.D. Lenin: haha this faget thinks he can writhe his lyrics are awful i hate them fuckk blow me babe
D.D. Lenin: haha babe.
ZeatlesFan112: I bet you want Steve Downes for this song, right Chinese George?
Chinese George Harrison: *gruff voice likea fox in heat* Yeah. That'll do.
ZeatlesFan112: brb getting the Downes
*magic green smokfae puff like puff daddy iahn the sidewalk *
*steven comes out he is picking mushrooms from the grass in the studio room gathering tehm (but their kpposinous lol*
Steve Downes: *masterchefi voice* Life has its ups and it has its Downes.
*several sponatenous ejacaluations happen*
ZeatlesFan112: Watch it, Steven, I'm the resident memekid.
Steven Downes:my sory
Kid Faul: it's ok
D.D. Lenin: yea my niġġa alls good when igm blown
Kid Faul: ok my xbox is on lets go.
Chinese George Harrison: Alright. Brb then. Message me… if you need me.
I look at you all, see your love there that's playing While my xbox gently freezes. I look at the floor and I see controllers that are broken Still my xbox gently freezes. I don't know why nobody sold you Halo: Reach or Starcaft, too. I don't know how someone lied t'you They gave you Black Ops 2. I look at the dashboard and I notice it's blurring While my xbox gently freezes. With every bit of lag, we must surely be screaming Still my xbox gently freezes. Well I don't know how you were deluded You thought Soul Calibur sucked. I don't know how you could have concluded You thought our screenshots were fucked. I look at you all, see the Halo there that's dying While my xbox gently freezes. Look at it fall Still my xbox gently freezes. I don't know why it had to die. x2 I don't know why. 343 why?! Oh, oh Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh, oh Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, oh, ooh
- The Chinese George Harrison dialogue in this chapter is typical of how he talks to me on Skype when he wants to take Halo screenshots with me.
- Chinese George Harrison's song is named so because his own Xbox freezes all of the time. In fact, it recently froze just before I wrote this commentary.
- I often would be masturbating when HZ would ask me to do some screenshots. "Aight" is often something I would say when he would ask me too.
- DD being mean to HZ about his lyric-writing abilities is akin to how he chastised the good admin for his dialogue-writing abilities.
- Steve Downes is the voice actor for Master Chief in the Halo series. He is a hero of Hyper Zergling's. Again, Hyper Zergling lowers his voice here to sound badass, something we also had him do in The Anonymous Series as Dishmaster Supreme.
- The thing about Mr. Downes gathering poisonous mushrooms is a reference to something one of my brother's friends did in my backyard when he was very young. Yes, that kid is still fucking dumb.
- Downes' quote is pretty lame but it's typical of what we would expect in HZ's wet dream of the real Master Chief's entrance.
- The last two lines are just typical of HZ and I going to go do some screenshots.
- In the song, the main theme is that all this bad stuff is happening while his xbox is freezing. Games he likes, like Halo, Soul Calibur, and Starcraft were all mentioned, while screenshots themselves were too.
- Late in the song, the lyrics begin talking about how Halo has died. This is something that both HZ and I believe. Halo 4 was not a good game by any means, so I talked about it in this song.
- This is the only of my fan Beatles songs that has additional lyrics where there are no lyrics. The stuff about 343 and Halo dying just had to be added, and there wasn't much room for it within the few lyrics of the actual song, so I put them in to take place during the extended instrumental outro. It works if you try singing them, I promise!
- This song is my favorite song by George Harrison - and it's mostly true that I've picked my favorite song by each Beatle for this story. Perhaps only the TUNgo song would be one that isn't my favorite by the Beatle who wrote it.
- This song was also used in Sovereign, although not the same version. I used the hall of fame version with the extended Prince solo because of how badass that was. Still, I think the original version is great as well.
D.D. Lenin Song: I Am The Mongoose![edit | edit source]
The following song is lyrically based upon I Am The Walrus. The instrumental is the same. Feel free to sing along with the below lyrics.
D.D. Lenin: fuck babe gimme something inretunr
Moko Oono: *laughs and gilaugns hadn luangsh*
Kid Faul: i wanna be a mongoose
D.D. Lenin: *nodding with his hair lfaligpnig lin the wind but htere isn't wind* yeah huh Kid Faul is the mongoose.
Kid Faul: lets get wasted
D.D. Lenin: do you think I should drink this whol ,e bottle?
Kid Faul: haha No.
D.D. Lenin: im going to drink the wehold botle1
Kid Faul: but dont' do that
D.D. Lenin: *drinks who lebeotl. he is still expested to ringer Moko*
Kid Faul: you are crazy
D.D. Lenin: suck my dick
Kid Faul: im hanging pictures on your windows
D.D. Lenin: *rosy cheeks like santy* Oh, freekitty climbing the screen doors!
Moko Oono: but pussy *she points to it and D.D. Lenin goes to finger sklm, buth e throws up all over her he laughs and she thorws up2*
D.D. Lenin: there it is oh god why did i drink so much but now i can start my song i needed that, niġġa. Don't worry babe, I'll try ahrd ,bonmithis one.
I like ween as you like ween as you are ween And we are all tomatoes! She has a ton of little baby suns; she likes to cry; I'm dying. Shitting out some bullshit, waiting for reviews to come. Oh Yamcha and Krillin, hooked on penicillin, Man, you should have seen them praise it, it was all so good. I am big papa, they are big papa, I am the mongoose! Goo goo g'joob! Mr. Kitty, Japan's so gritty, witty little Ijin in the show. See how they spy while I'm writing The Eye, see how they're done. I'm dying. I'm die… I'm dying. I'm die… All the writers flustered, when I show them how I'm sly. I wanna take a knife, and give up on my life. Boy, they've been naughty and coy, they let their rambling abound. I am big papa, they are big papa, I am the mongoose! Goo goo g'joob! Sitting in the Appalachians, waiting for the pun. If the pun don't come, You'll get your story from picking at my unfried brain. I am big papa, they are big papa, I am the mongoose! Goo goo g'joob! Goo goo g'joob! Expert sexpert, joking croakers, Don't you think the Oono kisses you? See how she moans like Peyton on a bye, see how she's dried. I'm dying! KidVegeta's tortured, he's climbing up here all soured. Revvin' up the engine, stinging bitter laws, Man, you should have seen their respect for him grow. I am big papa, they are big papa, I am the mongoose! Goo goo g'joob! Goo goo g'joob! Goo goo g'joob! Goo goo g'jooba goo! Jooba jooba jooba! Jooba! Jooba! Jooba! Jooba jooba! Jooba jooba! Jooba jooba!
- Lenin's request at the beginning of the chapter is again showing his frustration with his girlfriend not reciprocating.
- The mongoose in this section was chosen to replace the walrus because it is DD's favorite animal.
- The bit about Faul being the walrus is a reference to how in real Beatles songs, Lennon joked about the walrus quite often and even said Paul was the walrus at one point.
- The part about me and him getting wasted is how we normally go about it. We've gotten wasted together a few times.
- There was a real incident where DD drank too much. He really asked me if he should drink the whole bottle, I really said no, and then he really did anyway. In real life, it ended rather badly for him, akin to how the first day of the roleplay ended for me.
- The part with hanging pictures and freekitty were pre-written lines to be added in randomly to make the story even more nonsensical.
- The fingering of Moko being a constant presence is due to DD doing that in real life. I had to add it in mainly because DD wasn't getting anything in return and it was comedy gold.
- I don't know where the throwing up on each other came from. But Lenin does it a lot in the story.
- Lenin's late remorse over drinking is what usually happens to DD when he drinks too much in real life.
- The song was named so because of what was mentioned above. DD's favorite animal is the mongoose.
- Ween was one of DD's favorite bands at the time of me writing the song, so that's why I included them in the opening lines.
- The stuff about shitting out bullshit and seeing everyone praise it is how often DD and I would write intentionally bad stories back in the day and then try to get people to review them. Those were good times.
- The thing with the kitty is about a dream I had where I took all of my kitties on a trip, and for some reason Kaleko was with them. Perhaps it was because I had seen him recently on Skype video when I had the dream, but I don't know. The kitty in the lyric was Kaleko, of course.
- Ijin is great man, not barbarian or foreigner. That word has several meanings, but great man is the one that I intended.
- The thing about being sly was a reference to Octopus Garden, a particularly tricksy sockpuppet of DD's.
- The thing about the knife was mocking how every now and then DD talks about he wants to kill himself.
- The unfried brain was lamenting about how rare it is to find dd either sober or not high.
- "Peyton on a bye" was a reference to Peyton Manning being terrible after byes in the playoffs.
- Oono's moaning and having a dried vagina is just talking about how DD's girlfriend is getting all the pleasure and DD is not getting any.
- KidVegeta being soured is speaking about how since getting a girlfriend, DD put HZ and me behind him, giving us much less attention and not fulfilling his obligations on the DBF.
- This song, more than any other, was one where I tried to make my fan lines rhyme with the actual lines written by Lennon. It wasn't easy, but it was helped by the fact that the song could easily devolve into nonsense and not be any worse for it.
Kid Faul Song: Hey Zeus[edit | edit source]
The following song is lyrically based upon Hey Jude. The instrumental is the same. Feel free to sing along with the below lyrics.
Kid Faul: this one will be good
D.D. Lenin: its about me niġġa
Kid Faul: no its about myself faget
Chinese George Harrison: Brb, dishes
D.D. Lenin: Just heard Moko's divorce has just gone through. I'm free at last. I'm free… oh!
*jk D.D. Lenin doesnt really singn it nd dingus*
Hey Zeus, don't you complain 'Cause today, you're cool with us. Remember what this feels like Then you might become like us. Hey Zeus, don't be a bitch You can ditch all those who cause stress The minute you say that you're so good Then you could become like us. And anytime you want to quit, hey Zeus, stop it, Don't let the sheep influence your performance. For well you know that it's not cool to be a tool, By thinking you're their god through conformance. Na na na na na! Na na na na! Hey Zeus, don't use your mind, You are a blind mess to what you profess Remember what this feels like Then you might become better than us. So if want another shot, hey Zeus, you've got The makings of someone who'll go far. And don't you know you got the skill, hey Zeus, you will. The ego you need is behind your eyes. Na na na na na! Na na na na! Yeaaaah…! Hey Zeus, don't you complain 'Cause your reign was cool with us. Remember what that felt like 'Cause now you're disliked by all of Us us us us us us, oh! Na na na na na na na, na na na na, hey Zeus! x19
- This is the only song in the roleplay I wrote while not drunk.
- The exchange between Faul and Lenin in the beginning is a reference to this.
- The "Brb dishes" bit by Chinese George Harrison is just classic Hyper Zergling. Of course, it's also in The Anonymous Series when he says the same thing as Dishmaster Supreme.
- The dingus bit is a reference to Dr. Steve Brule from the Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! show.
- The name Hey Zeus is a pun on the spanish way of pronouncing Jesus.
- I chose the name Zeus because it implies a god, which is how some people view me on the DBF. But he's also a god that no living culture really believes in. So in that sense, Zeus is a tragic god, a forgotten god.
- The main theme of the song is that nothing lasts forever. Zeus' reign didn't last forever, and KidVegeta's domination as the main writer of the site surely won't. Other themes presented are: gaining confidence about writing, writing what I like instead of what people want me to write, and finding relevance as my writing continues on.
- Of course, it's always possible that a subconscious theme throughout the entire song is about religion in general.
Freestyle about Rafael[edit | edit source]
Kid Faul: guys rapahel 11 is the greatest guy we know
Chinese George Harrison: Alright.
D.D. Lenin: I anna fuck that kid in the ass until his blood is my cujm a*moko pets his long hair and rubs his little glasses* fuck i cant even see out of them there so small
Moko Oono: Yaghrahabh. *points to her pussy and lenin starts playing rhgythm gutiar on it*
Yo, they call him Rafael for a reason (yeah yeah). B'cuz he's a ninja, master of the season. He owns the mic, he ain't no fool Fuck look at that swag (shit man he's got it yo) I wish I was that cool All you playing with your toys He's a man, owning all you boys. (fuck he's a ninja yo) Rafael's got swagger like a super saiyan And behind him's his posse of all his fans He kills people and puts them in an ocean And he doesn't give them paddles or even lotion. (that's some cold lotion) Maybe he's crazy, maybe he's insane But we all know he's a legend born and raised. Yeah Rafael (aye yup yup aye yup yup) He goes to school. Yeah better be scared (oh snap) He's comin' for you. They say he came out from hell And why he's here he ain't gotta tell. He got that super saiyan swagger yugioh and burn notice yo Mess with him and he'll fuck up all your hoes. Listen to his beat, listen to his rhymes They flowin' faster than lighting til the end of time. His righteous words stick to your mind like glue. They was stuck in your head before you even knew. (yo get outta my head yo) *drops the mic and walks out*
- Rafael is ss11's name so I called him rapahel 11.
- The all nod part is a reference to The Anonymous series.
- The freestyle about Rafael is based off of a real freestyle that ss11 wrote about himself on Facebook. The original freestyle is as follows:
Yo, they call me
Rafael for a reason.
B'cuz I am a ninja on the mic
And I'll beat you without one,
You know I'm right.
After this battle , I will leave you in ocean.
Without a paddle, or skin.
Am I crazed,
No, I'm insane,
A rap fan raised.
With a pyscho's brain.
The ninja that that escaped from hell.
Flow's faster than lightning.
Stuck in your heads week before even listening.
- The bit about cold lotion is a reference to Bill Burr, who coined the term.
- Super Saiyan Swagger is from Soulja Boy's song, Goku.
- I referenced Yugioh and Burn Notice as well because those are things that ss11 loves.
- I showed this freestyle to Lau the G and he approved, telling me that I am quite the good rapper.
- I never planned on this chapter being part of the story until I read ss11's freestyle on Facebook. The freestyle was then improvised. It was good I saw it when I did because I was drunk already from editing other parts of Lies in the Old hat.
memuars of a gay shah[edit | edit source]
suddenly the bad guy his name was shah tskanlakamanalouie (louie louie louie loueye) appeared he was fat like a little porker and he waddled around in his shah roytal suit
shah tskanlakamanalouie: fuck bitches donts want to ight fair ill show them *his hair is incredible it is long and goes everywhere like*
Kid Faul: Whoa no!
D.D. Lenin: fuck this im leaving the zeatles cum on bagbe
Moko Oono: *guterlar noises like a bat in a cave of caribbean rum <3* Guh finger my pussy a realyd
D.D. Lenin: *sippin coffe to gerit rid of a hagover* this some nasty ass coffee i hate u so much but the pussy game ridiculous
Moko Oono: *grunts and screeches waitingas 5 her fingerng*
D.D. Lenin: *sighs and wlaks off he does it; he sings Ozymandias Was A Vig* They loved me like I was a 12 piece chicken bucket…
*D.D. Lenin and Moko Oono run off but D.D. is quickly shot by a guy dead fuck that guy should have shot moko but w/e he wasn't helping the zetatls enyway*
Chinese George Lenin: Oh no… I think I'm getting lung cancer.
Kid Faul: Haha ur asian
Chinese George Harrison: Yeah, so?
Kid Faul: fuckin g bitches enver stop lsmoking
shah tskanlakamanalouie: what the hell where are my minons *minosn spawn eveyrwhere and then adgy around and dnnt… stop*
*Kid Faul and TUNgo roll up ian a little cart by two ghorses aesh. htey are under the blankets but it isn't liek that*
shah tskanlakamanalouie: ah my minins * he puts his hands out like hes trying to hug everyone but heddeson really dotht*\=
Kid Faul: shaah sora (frieza reference)
shah tskanlakamanalouie: oh my god tungo that can't be true
shah tskanlakamanalouie: oh shit on my dikc1
shah tskanlakamanalouie: oh fuck oh man of cfukd
shah tskanlakamanalouie: cunts in a washbin! i dont even kntowa what that is fuckers fuck oohoh!
*shah tskanlakamanalouie is killed by Kid Faul's righteous bass and TUNgo's drum solos; his armies notice ant das try tot awkill ayt zeatles*
Kid Faul: they call me kid faul cuz i am faster than soudhans i ckeep on mbuocning around :) (blue hedgehog kid faul yo)
*he rises into the air and gets away all of shah tskanlakamanalouie's people commit a suicjede= it makes it game voer for tem*
- Aside from the first two chapters in the story, this is the only one that is just a straight roleplay.
- The title of the chapter is in reference to the movie, "Memoirs of a Geisha". It is punned to have a different meaning, obviously.
- The shah's name was based on Giorgio Tsoukalos, the legendary commentator on Ancient Aliens.
- "(louie louie louie loueye)" is a reference to the theme song of Louie, a television show featuring Louie C.K.
- I mentioned Caribbean Rum (with <3 after it) because that was my drink of choice for writing Lies in the Old Hat.
- Ozymandias Was A Vig is a reference to one of my Epic Mafia accounts. Playing as vig has always been my favorite role - and Sonik even says I'm a masterful vig. I've had more than one legendary game playing that role.
- "this some nasty ass coffee i hate u so much but the pussy game ridiculous" is a reference to a picture I saw where Tommy's father from the Rugrats had that quote beneath a picture of him.
- "They loved me like I was a 12 piece chicken bucket…" was a pre-written line.
- I always maintain that it was suckish that Lennon got shot instead of Ono. Call me morbid, but she is not a nice human being, and the way she has treated John's first wife and son has been disgraceful. I do wish she was dead instead of him. Fuck Yoko Ono. So that's why I wrote "*D.D. Lenin and Moko Oono run off but D.D. is quickly shot by a guy dead fuck that guy should have shot moko but w/e he wasn't helping the zetatls enyway*".
- It's true that Asians smoke a lot. The fact that HZ plays George Harrison and GH died of lung cancer was just a nice coincidence for the story.
- The way that TUNgo and Faul attack the Shah is the way that one of the Mongolian missions starts in Age of Empires II. Mongolian assassins kill the Persian Shah in that one.
- Of course TUNgo and Faul don't really like each other, at least not in a sexual way. At least that's true for Faul's side. Dunno what TUNgo likes.
- "Kid Faul: shaah sora (frieza reference)" - that is self-explanatory.
- The TUNgo/Shah exchange reminds me of when people talk to others you cant' understand. This happens in South Park, Pokemon, Foster's Home For Imaginary Friends, and numerous other stories. So I had to do my own version. Of course, since I'm not on a cartoon, I can use all sorts of profanity, which was awesome.
- "Kid Faul: they call me kid faul cuz i am faster than soudhans i ckeep on mbuocning around :) (blue hedgehog kid faul yo)" is a reference to the song, "They Call Me Sonic".
- The way that Kid Faul rises into the air as he's strumming his bass was always intended to be the same as how Spongebob did the same as he was singing his song at the end of the Spongebob movie.
this one goes to eleven[edit | edit source]
suddenly goten made goeleven adn gotwelve they were incredible ower goeleven got supers aiyn 2 from dodging raindrops (They kept falling over his head and he wasd gnn inlm aepmad)) gotwelve got a super saiyhn gfomf seing his brother die in toehrworld. this is speculation but it makes a lot of sense.
and that part wasn otver
- I thought it was really funny when I came up with Goeleven and Gotwelve (sons of Goten). When I did, I realized that I wanted to show what they looked like because I had such clear pictures of them in my mind. So I created my first fan manga, which was a great success.
- The two are way more monkey-like. They are just massive compared to normal humans, which is funny because no other Saiyans look like that. Additionally, Gotwelve changes appearances almost every other panel.
- Radisnt was supposed to be the son of Raditz.
- Super Saiyan God Majin Rickie is the strongest character in the roleplay and one of the most important.
- Harold's nips are from TUNgo's side.
- Harold's pink hair shows just how powerful his fusion is.
- Gotwelve's look in panel 7 is really his true look. I attempted to make him look like that from then on out.
- I came up with Mewthree (w/ abs) after seeing the Mega Evolution for Mewtwo, which looked so unbelievably stupid. So I had to create a character like that.
- One thing that can be seen in my pictures that almost always I draw curly legs or massive thighs.
- I don't remember what the kanji that I wrote on Krillin V. 2.0 means. I was too drunk at the time, man!
- Krillin V. 2.0 is the only character from the first saga to be in the second.
- Because Chinese George Harrison's death took place in this chapter, that means that only D.D. Lenin was never drawn by me. I also never drew Moko Oono.
- The halo was given an arrow on Chinese George Harrison's slide as I couldn't fit it in otherwise.
- The pinhead that Goeleven chases is Patrick Star.
- Panel 12 is perhaps the funniest thing in the entire roleplay.
- Despite hunting pinheads, none of the heads that Goeleven has in panel 12 are pinheaded.
- I don't know what panel 13 was. It clearly wasn't Gotwelve! I was drunk, man!
- Panel 15 is the best of the drawings, and a hallmark of the entire fan manga. I could see it becoming a meme in time.
- The Chinese Doodle of TUNgo came out of nowhere. I just remember looking at a blank page on Paint, blinking, then seeing that there.
- The beast in panel 19 was supposed to be a cockatrice. I renamed it based on the song that Newman sang in the episode of Seinfeld where he was driving down road and got his postal truck caught on fire.
- In the last panel, I gave TUNgo no face and a dress to wear.
- The dead head of the cockaoncetwicethreetimesalady can be seen in the last panel. This shows that after Goeleven killed Gotwelve and the cockaoncetwicethreetimesalady killed Goeleve, TUNgo and Kid Faul killed the cockaoncetwicethreetimesalady, showing that they came out as the last men standing.
the finale: this some bullshit[edit | edit source]
Kid Faul: how come out of all the zeatles im left with you you are the worst of the other three (im best because im Kid Faul obv.)
Kid Faul: is it okay if I put a sparkler down your urethra? pls no namecall
ghost bandit: would you consider partaking in consentual intercourse with a proud black woman?
Kid Faul: I… *but hesgon e*
Dr. Steve Brule: welcome mwe r joined by dr. toonganbana. and hi
Dr. Steve Brule: do oyouj yo od yo dor ybor th thien k think thab tahi nthat thereh ethre is al ife on other earths?
Kid Faul: dies of not being gthe maian fguy*
Dr. Steve Brule: *attacks TUNgo for the answer evnetual y dr;ownsing him in a bottle of goldfish bowl*
Narrator: *he has the heahd fedora and white suit like kirllin that one time; soft godo music (fuck he stole it better relerelease rb2 with bt2 music* and so we see all of our heroeso have died the end.
Ghost TUNgo: …
Narrator: oh snap $2400 with a net profit of $1500, not bad my man, not bad. just hope you can get that carlun gring and you can get some serious money
Guy I Fucking Hate: YEah, but… *he finds b,.ea thsomthing under a cover* Ooooooooooooooooh! wwhats that?!
- I do think that Ringo is the worst Beatle, which is why Faul's first line says so.
- "is it okay if I put a sparkler down your urethra? pls no namecall" - that is a pre-written line and was also a reference to user BROLY LSS5. I didn't use many of the pre-written lines up to this point, so most of them are indeed in the last chapter.
- "would you consider partaking in consentual intercourse with a proud black woman?" is also a pre-written line.
- I had been watching a lot of Tim and Eric recently, which is why Steve Brule comes up as a character in the finale.
- Brule's question about life on other earths is, I believe, a real question he asked someone at some point.
- I have Kid Faul die first because I believe Ringo will outlive Paul. And otherwise, I've had the other characters die in order. Lenin died before Chinese George Harrison, etc.
- No idea where drowning TUNgo in the goldfish bowl came from.
- The narrator is based off of the narrator in Nobody's HSN story. Also, fuck that story.
- The last two lines with the narrator and Guy I Fucking Hate was just me re-enacting a section of Storage Wars (which I was watching at the time of writing the chapter). That show is fake, yes, but the most annoying aspect is that it always goes to a commercial break on some stupid cliffhanger. I made one of those for the end of the story with the commercial break being the original ending.
- "Narrator: oh snap $2400 with a net profit of $1500, not bad my man, not bad. just hope you can get that carlun gring and you can get some serious money" - almost all of that was actual dialogue from the episode of Storage Wars I was watching.
- The final picture was added in three days after I finished the story. It was added in because the most recent episode of Breaking Bad had just aired (To'hajiilee) and it had the most ridiculously awful jump-cut to black at the end of the episode that I've ever seen. I had also seen a lot of people describing what would happen in later episodes that very day, and they were always talking about it like "walt kills jessie jessie kills marie walt jr eats breakfast and then executive producer vince gilligan". Everyone was ending their crackpot theories for the next episode's plot with "and then executive producer vince gilligan" and I found that hilarious. So I did it with mine. As it turned out, there weren't any pictures of the screen with the first line of credits on them, so I had to boot up an episode of Breaking Bad I had on a local disk (I believe it was the season 4 finale) and used the snippet tool to create the picture myself.
Final thoughts[edit | edit source]
Dragonball lies in the old hat was the end of an era. I finally completed all of my comedic multi-chapter stories with it. I don't see myself ever doing something like this again. Of course, who knows? If there comes a time where I'm drunk again and have the Dragon Ball Fanon wiki open, anything could happen, but I think it's unlikely. I got through the Zeatles idea, writing numerous fan songs and even a fan manga. So the story allowed me to be creative and experimental in the confines of individualistic comedy. My one regret is that DD didn't have a bigger role. I wish he would have been around more when I was writing the story. He basically only contributed to the first chapter, which was a waste. He could have been in such funnier parts of the story and potentially contributed in a way to make the story even better. As this story goes, I think it is much more comedic than The Anonymous Series, although much of the comedy is comprised of in-jokes that only I and a few others would get. The fan manga is one of my favorite things I've ever made. Overall, I'd give this story about an A. It's a comedy first and foremost and should be enjoyed as such. I don't think it has much going for it otherwise, though.
<---- Part 24
Part 26 ---->