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This page, The KidVegeta Anthology/Divine in Maturity, is property of KidVegeta. |
Divine in Maturity is a story I came up with after anthologizing Across the Universe. While I was working on the fourth chapter of that story, I realized that there is a Xiros still canonical to my universe, even if I'm no longer collaborating with TeamUnitedNerds. Thus, the story was added to Somewhere Between The Ocean and The Bottom of This Glass at the end of December 2020. It was the seventh story first-drafted (the first Dragon Ball Z era story) and the sixth finalized.
This story was never much of an issue, although it was completely rewritten between drafts. The first draft featured an entirely different location (a space restaurant called Meaty Red Rocket) with many more characters. Xiros bet on sniraak (a card game) instead of slug racing, too. The plot was entirely different. That version was crap, and most importantly, it was too long. This is a story, ultimately, to disgracefully kill off Xiros. It needs to focus on him, have as few characters as possible, and be really disrespectful about it.
The first draft was completed on February 3, 2021. On 5/13/2021, I re-read DIM and wrote some notes down about it. These notes were very critical of the story, although they didn't imply I was going to go with a different plot concept at the time. Either way, no editing was done until September 5th. On that day, I re-wrote the story (although a few lines and paragraphs from the original draft were kept). The following are my editing notes for that session:
-re-wrote [SECOND DRAFT] to be much shorter; changed entire story idea
-removed the red rocket encounters; removed the sniraak thing (xiros dies because he loses a game of sniraak to a card shark cheater); malkadan morrowrider reference was removed
-original draft gave xiros too much respect, integrating my universe too much
-started off with 405/1989 words saved (pre-editing)
-new idea is essentially: xiros goes to a betting place, places a bet on space slugs; there is a guy there cooking pancakes; there is a female xar-degar there masturbating in front of him; there is another guy, a jolean, who is also betting; he gives xiros advice, but it doesn't pay off twice in a row; however, it wins big the third time (when xiros doesn't use his method); he gets enraged and kills the jolean, then indulges in his rage and kills the other two, destroying the betting lounge; he dissolves immediately after
-slugs are from Kracchus' homeworld of Vahlji
-name of betting place is punned on onani, which means masturbation in japanese
-jolean's name is a pun on nance fruit
-many hours after writing the second draft, i listened to it on balabolka; i want to reduce the word count; the panny cook could be eliminated, i think
The original draft did indeed give Xiros too much respect. This is a character I neither like nor respect and very much wish to die, to leave my universe utterly, and the story should reflect that reality. His death was therefore over something trivial on a backwater asteroid with scant degenerate witnesses around to appreciate it (or go with him).
I did a little editing on September 21, 2021, but nothing too substantial. On September 27th, I wrote the third draft, making the changes mentioned above in the notes. My notes for that day are as follows:
-after finishing goku onsen story, felt invigorated to do this one
-reread xiros' only pov section at the end of ATU ch4 again before starting
-added the line about Sirkac and light/lighlessness as a result (the latter is also referenced in the first line of that xiros pov section as something the grand priest taught him (in an attempt to explain why rage, and emotional investments in general, are not intelligent))
-goal is to reduce the wordcount of this story and to reduce # of characters
-the panny guy should be replaced by an automated syrup dispenser
-the jolean's section should be significantly shorter
-the paragraphs at the beginning and end should be reduced
-end goal is ~700 words
The goal was to reduce the number of characters and their impact as much as possible. This was to be as pathetic and ignoble a death for Xiros as possible while still having the proper amount of comedy, and it's important to note that this was designed to be easy to anthologize and complete character list, for I shall not waste that much time on either for this character. That was the main reason the panny/waffie cook was removed.
My final draft was completed on the evening of September 28th, and that round of editing, in general, went smoothly.
With all that out of the way, let's move on to the endnotes. I don't expect there will be many, as I've explained most everything about the story already.
Story[]
Xiros drifted through space. Most of it was cold blackness, devoid of life. Whenever he closed his eyes, he saw Sirkac, the moon of Peregari, split again, awash in plasma. The only constants in the universe were light and lightlessness–and he had had enough of the dark. Though he had been reduced to the body of a child, he felt invigorated. As an angel, his was a righteous fury. In time, he would become strong enough to challenge his father and Zeno for erasing Universe 17.
An Oh Nani! Betting Lounge had been built on the nearest asteroid. Inside, amongst the grime and piles of crumpled-up space receipts, a Zar-degar girl sat on the carpet, her legs spread, fingering herself. While she wasn’t wearing pants, she had the decency to keep her shirt on. It smelled faintly of space cherry and mold. If only she had known what he had already sacrificed for her.
There was a space syrup vending machine sparking in disrepair next to the nearest betting booth, where, after conjuring a stack of space woolongs, he placed a sizable bet upon a certain purple-shelled Vahljian sea slug in a 1500 meter race.
Up sidled a skeevy-looking Jolean. Half of his blond mohawk had been shaved off for some reason. He was sucking on the tip of an unlit Nil stick. “Pity, that. Now see, that’s just awful. Loose-Lipped Second Wife? Really? Surefire loser you got there, boy.”
“Are you sure, good sir? How do you know?” The angel was graceful, so he would allow this mortal to explain himself.
“Uses too much energy out of the gate. Same thing every time. Never want to take the lead that early. Never. Rookie mistake. He’ll run out of stamina by 600 meters, guaranteed.”
And so he did, and so Xiros lost the bet.
“Show me how to pick a winner, mortal.”
“Please, please, the name’s Nonce. Don’t worry, boy, I’m not a drunk–not on race days, heheh. I know what I’m talking about.”
“Go on then.”
“Here, that one,” he said, pointing a yellow fingernail at the lavender slug. “Proven winner. Capable, reliable, passes the eye-test. Guaranteed cash out.”
The Jolean’s pick came in sixth place, and Xiros was forced to conjure more space woolongs. Trying to suppress the heat rising in his cheeks was difficult.
“I thought I was guaranteed?”
“Eh, it happens. Here, bet on this o–”
“Silence, mortal! I’m betting on Brown Spot, and you can’t stop me.”
The man clicked his tongue, the race began, and wouldn’t you know it, the Jolean’s pick won (Xiros’ came in fifth place).
“Told ya. Heheh, I win again.”
The alien went to the booth to collect his winnings. Xiros hated losing. Most of all, he hated losing to mortals. He loved them, wanted to preserve them, wanted to save them from Zeno’s tyranny, but he did not want to interact with them, or be amongst them. He would spend most of his days in Zeno’s palace after he murdered everyone responsible for Universe 17’s demise.
After fighting his desires for three or so seconds, Xiros murdered Nonce with a light-blue energy beam through the upper chest. The angel thought no more of restraint. Rage had been his only companion during his exile in the Teleportation Zone. It ran through his veins in a dark, hot, dangerous pulse. In the end, justice was all that mattered.
Exhaling, he kicked the space syrup machine. A packet squirted out the hole, landing in a pile of rubbish. The Zar-Degar got to her feet; an odorless liquid spewed from between her legs onto the grey hardwood floor. Wrinkling her nose, she asked, “Like what you see, kid? How much you got on you?”
He blinked and the asteroid vaporized. None of those degenerates had had any inkling of their impending demise. He almost felt bad. The boy sensed for the nearest signs of life when suddenly, a great pain coursed through his body. He couldn’t hear his father, yet somehow, he felt his presence in the deep recesses of his mind. It burned.
“N-no… wait… I’m not ready… I’m going to liberate the multiverse! This is my story! I’m the hero!”
Xiros seemed rather surprised when he dissolved away. Perhaps more astonishing was the fact that nobody noticed.
Endnotes[]
- This story's placeholder name was "Good Angel". Its first name was "The Maturation Process", which was then changed to "Divine Maturity", then to "In Maturity", then to "Divine in Maturity". I do like that the initials are DIM. A welcome bonus, to be sure.
- "The only constants in the universe were light and lightlessness–and he had had enough of the dark." - this is a great line to dispel the myth that Xiros is, or ever was, an edgelord. Thank heavens I can clear up blatant misinformation in these anthologies, really helps me sleep at night.
- The girl's species and what she is doing were chosen specifically because those aesthetics clash hard with TUN and his Xiros OC.
- "There was a space syrup vending machine sparking in disrepair next to the nearest betting booth" - this is what became of the guy who was cooking the waffies, which were going to be parodies of the pannies. I much prefer it this way. If Xiros is to die, I damn well want it to be in a filthy house of squalor and disrepair.
- Xiros was quite jealous of Nonce's ability to pick a good racing slug, as any rational person would be. It's a perfectly sane thing to get upset about.
- "A packet squirted out the hole, landing in a pile of rubbish." - the story could probably be condensed down to this line, if needed.
Divine in Maturity likely only has any real value to me, and I'm fine with that. It's great for what it is, but it's certainly extremely narrow in focus. I'm quite happy with how it turned out.
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