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Chi-Chi's Got Talent was a story concept I came up with while watching through Dragon Ball Z for the I Wouldn't Want to Be a Fish Right Now collection. The idea wasn't used there, but was brought over to Somewhere Between The Ocean and The Bottom of This Glass. I was fairly certain I would do this story before getting to DBZ in that rewatch, and that did in fact prove to be the case. This story is based on one line Chi-Chi says ~6 minutes into episode 171 of DBZ (Memories of Gohan): "Ah, I always feel like humming a tune when Gohan is studying." At the end of this scene, Chi-Chi says "I wouldn't want to be a fish right now", which was what I named the 14 one-shot collection after.
This story was spontaneously-written. The only thing I intended beforehand was to use several songs, and to only go a few lines in for each. Restraint is a key feature of this collection. Chi-Chi's cringe poem about 12:03 into episode 157 of DBZ (Hour of Temptation) was one of the few specific moments that influenced this story. Her characterization and development of course played a factor, but that is a scene that sticks out to me because she is nowhere else, as far as I can tell, so artistically expressive in front of the crew, especially not lyrically. And it's cringe. The fact that it's cringe made me sure I was going to do this story. That's who she is as a character canonically. It wasn't just me having some fun. And so, I kept that poem in mind while working on this story.
To a lesser degree, Chi-Chi's reaction to Gohan's hair being blond (thinking he's a punk) was influential. Also, in episode 175 (The Games Begin), Chi-Chi calls Gohan her "precious little baby" and "little pumpkin" and "precious little Gohan". This had a tangible effect on how I wrote her dialogue in this story.
The first draft was completed on November 29, 2021. This was during the second thrust phase of the collection. By this point, the Dragon Ball stories, as well as Feeding Time and Divine in Maturity, had been published. For the second thrust, first drafts of Tail Don't Lie and Patient 240 had already been completed (although P240 didn't ultimately get published during the second thrust, but more on that on its anthology), so this was overall the eleventh story first-drafted. It was, however, the ninth story to reach the final draft.
The second draft came on December 16, 2021 in the wee hours of the morning. It should be noted that all three songs were the final songs by this point, but the lyrics did change over the course of the editing. I never had any issue coming up with the three tunes I wanted to use. I did a third draft later that day after sleeping and waking up, finishing it at 11:33 pm. A fourth draft was completed on December 20th, and the story was pretty much completed then. I made two spelling error fixes on December 24th, and so this is when I classified the story as actually being finished. Overall, I'd say this was one of the most enjoyable stories I wrote, start-to-finish.
In any case, this isn't a long one, and it isn't a subtle one, so let's dive in.
Story[]
With the Cell Games mere days away, all was quiet on the home front. Goku and Krillin had gone fishing, Gohan had retired to his room to write a twelve-page research paper on the symbolism of kabuki actors’ movements (the obedient boy), and Chi-Chi was tackling the remaining dishes from lunchtime. The usual variety feast was tried-and-true, but sometimes she felt like a grilled cheese sandwich and tomato soup. Well, not tonight. They would be getting the usual again, and Kami help them if they complained about it.
A lump rose (faster than bile) in her throat. Her boy was studying nobly, toiling away in obscurity for that sweet long-term academic payoff. “He’s my pumpkin… my precious Gohan! He’ll become the greatest scholar who ever lived! And everyone will know how smart he is… No, no, that’s no good!” As she feverishly scrubbed a pot, dishwater splashed across her cheek. Son Chi-Chi kept a bottle of piss under the sink. “I keep a close watch on this Saiyan of mine… I keep him studying until bedtime… I keep ordering textbooks of all kinds… even if he whines, he’ll fall in line!” Ashamed of herself for messing up the pacing, she hurled a teacup into the dishwater. “Oh, thank heavens my little Gohan didn’t hear Mommy say that…”
Having finished washing her third bowl of the midafternoon, Chi-Chi took her first fifteen-minute break. Only eighty-seven dishes remained, not including the plates, chopsticks, cups, pans, pots, and stirring spoons. “Gohan studies all the time! Day by day, he’s getting wise!” White-knuckled, she gripped the rim of the sink. Steam rose past her cheeks. “Work, little pumpkin, do not cry… you are Mama’s little Einstein!”
Glancing around, Kakarot’s wife took for herself an untouched egg roll from an unwashed dish and pushed it gently past her lips; with world-class pace, she one-throated it like a chicken swallowing a rat fetus whole. Rumor has it that nobody saw her do that, and so Chi-Chi and Goku’s marriage persisted with passion and vigor for years to come.
Endnotes[]
- I named this story when it was a contender for my 14 one-shot collection, so this is the earliest-named story in all of Somewhere Between The Ocean and The Bottom of This Glass.
- The settings of The Shunko Onsen and this story are somewhat comparable. These feature the only two forest locations in the series, if I recall correctly. Also of note is that Jar Tur wanted Goku to become a dish washer at the end of TSO, which is what Chi-Chi is doing in this story.
- Chi-Chi was mentioned in chapter 10 of Dragon Ball: Cold Vengeance, but otherwise has never appeared or been mentioned in any of my 125+ canon-following stories until this one.
- Chi-Chi's Got Talent and Tail Don't Lie are the only stories in the collection to feature zero fanon characters.
- I once had to write a 15-page research paper on Noh plays. Kabuki is a little more popular, albeit middle-brow, so it made sense that it would be taught to him.
- Grilled cheese and tomato soup is really good and has its place. Of course, Chi-Chi's reaction is a super deep subtle comment about nostalgia and culture and all that shit, but ain't nobody got time for that deep shit. I just wanna laugh, ya know?
- This story is a lot more precise, prose-wise, than most first thrust stories. The prose is extremely tight. The wasted and misused words appear to me only to be in the first paragraph.
- I mentioned bile, for it was also rising after that lunch feast. Chi-Chi needed tums badly.
- The first song is to the tune of "You Are My Sunshine", a sufficiently cheesy song for ol' Chi-Chi.
- The piss line was one I almost didn't add, but I'm very glad I did in retrospect. Excellent line showing just how far she's come.
- The second song is to the tune of "I Walk The Line" by Johnny Cash.
- Dishwater is symbolic of cum? That's kind of a filthy accusation.
- I relate to Chi-Chi's work ethic more than anything else in this story.
- The third song is to the tune of "Golden Slumbers" by The Beatles.
- The egg roll climax wasn't originally part of the story. On 12/4/21, I added this note about the story: -something to add: have the story end with Chi-Chi seeing an un-eaten egg roll on one of the plates she has yet to wash, surprising her; she eats it.
- "One-throat" is a reference to this scene from Impractical Jokers. One of my favorite scenes ever.
- I have personally witnessed one of my chickens swallow an unborn rat fetus (that my glorious kitty, Little Dexter, tore from its mother's womb and left on our deck as a present). The comparison is apt, I must say.
- Had anyone seen Chi-Chi swallow the egg roll whole, it is doubtless that her marriage with Goku would have ended and her life would have been ruined.
The karui spirit at the heart of this collection is alive and well. There are only a few minor wording changes I would make. Otherwise, extremely efficiently-done.
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