Bean Daddy was one of the earlier ideas I came up with for my 14 story one-shot collection, I Wouldn't Want to Be a Fish Right Now. The idea of having Ryori meet Mr. Satan was originally going to be the main part of this story, but as time went on, I grew more interested in telling the tale of Yajirobe's lost love. Yajirobe is one of my favorites, so it's always nice to write about him. Additionally, I knew that Ledas would be a prominent secondary character here, as I decided the best place for Yajirobe to find a woman was at Bulma's birthday party (Age 775).
This story was not an easy one for me to write. I began it on January 6, 2020, and finished the first draft on January 24, 2020. Most of the story was written on January 23rd and January 24th, however. I don't have a good explanation for why this was so difficult for me to write, as I knew from the start the general unfolding of the plot, but I guess the part where Yajirobe's at the party was easier conceptualized than written, as there were many moving parts in that scene (such as which characters he would interact with and how the waitress would gain his attention). I also wanted this story to be comedic, but I made comments in the first draft that I really didn't like, so that made this story a real bitch to edit.
One of the last things I put into the first draft was the Mr. Satan and Ryori scene, as I had forgotten to put it in originally. Also, while doing the first draft, I kept rewriting the scene where Yajirobe goes to confront the woman at the end. That was difficult to find the proper wording for. I was also displeased with how I wrote Ledas' dialogue, and some of the prose was really awful. It felt like there was something missing, even after I had completed the first draft.
As such, when I went to edit this story, I skipped over it at first, doing Zeta Male first, even though Zeta Male appears chronologically after this story in the one-shot collection. I edited it entirely on April 5, 2020, and once I was done, I posted all of the Jo-ha-kyū stories immediately afterwards. Several hundred words were added in the editing process. It was by far the most edited of the three jo-ha-kyū stories. Dialogue and prose cleanup took a lot of time, but I also needed to expand certain sections, such as Yajirobe's time at Bulma's party. I also completely rewrote Yajirobe's conversation with Ledas in the first section, keeping only a few lines of dialogue from the original draft. Overall, the editing process took me like an hour and a half, which was not much longer than the editing process for Welcome to Rapture, but it was a far more intense and mentally-draining exercise.
I don't really remember much of the first section of this story, so I'll have to read it again to refresh my memory, but the second section is pretty clear in my mind. This was one of those stories that I wrote after I realized that the thematic glue of I Wouldn't Want to Be a Fish Right Now is in the dark humor surrounding death. Poor Yajirobe can never catch a break, either. This story was more playfully nihilistic, in a style similar to that of Seinfeld, than Welcome to Rapture was. Anyways, onto the endnotes!
Story[edit | edit source]
It was August of Age 775, and everyone had gathered to celebrate yet another one of Bulma’s birthdays. Yajirobe had not come to the party in several years, for doing so would be unreasonable for even the most reasonable of asocial samurai, but the temptation of feasting on the budget of someone as rich as her was too much to resist for someone who lived off of senzu beans three hundred days out of the year. All of this is to say that Yajirobe went to Bulma’s birthday party that year without telling Korin.
There was a particular server girl he liked a lot; she had nice, full lips, and her face wasn’t half bad either. He had spent many years wallowing in self-reflection, in his own pervasive thoughts. His feelings were nakedly at odds with the moods of those around him. They partied and guffawed, stuffing their faces. Being a man of class, of perpetual hunger, he filled his belly almost entirely on the mu shu pork. It had been years since he’d had something as good as that. The cat sure as hell could not cook like this, and anything he bought was governed by the sturdiness of the microwave he’d saved up to buy (which wasn’t much, as the poor machine had been used heavily over the years).
“Hey, Puar. How’s it goin’?” he grunted, as he was wont to do.
“Oh, you know Yajirobe, same as always.”
“You doin’ anythin’?”
“Oh no, I’m just floating around, making comments about Yamcha and the others. You know, the usual. Hopefully Yamcha won’t have to fight anybody today so he stays alive for many years to come. Oh, I don’t know what I would do without him.”
It was no fun talking to that weird little cat, so Yajirobe stuffed his face for a while until the little bastard got bored and floated off. They were congregating and conversing in the backyard of Capsule Corp. He was not inclined to join them. It would be a bitch to get up right now. The pulled pork tacos were exquisite. If there was nothing else to eat in the world for the rest of time save these tacos on his plate (being his fourth and fifth portions mushed together), he would not be unhappy. Why couldn’t senzus taste this good?
He silently cursed Whiskers the Wondercat’s gardening abilities.
Krillin came over to say hello, but he had grown his hair out, so Yajirobe hardly recognized him. That made him easier to ignore. Although their exchanged words were curt, he felt himself recalling their training together on the Lookout in preparation for Vegeta and Nappa for some unknown reason. What had that accomplished in the end? They had saved the Earth for a time, with the samurai’s own contribution being the most important of all. Still, none of that had really mattered. Buu had still shown up and killed everyone. He would never forgive Goku for allowing that to happen. Yajirobe had wanted to go through his entire life without dying; the stupid Saiyan and his friends had messed that up badly. Krillin was worse off, he supposed, having died three times, so he couldn’t complain much.
At least the idiot had chosen to come over to Yajirobe, unlike the others. It would still be a stretch to say he cared about Krillin’s recounting of his personal life–finding a mate in Android 18 of all people, and having a child with her.
“Marron? Didn’t you have a girlfriend named Maron? Real classy, Krillin, naming your daughter after your ex…”
“Hey, quiet down man! Don’t let Eighteen hear you!”
“Or what? She’ll kill you, and we’ll have to wish you back again with the Dragon Balls?”
“Oh, real funny, Yajirobe. Gee, it sure was nice seeing you again.” He rolled his eyes and walked away.
As the day progressed, the samurai’s belly steadily filled, and he became less hostile. The waitress brought him sushi, making him happier than he cared to admit. He wanted to show her his bag of senzu beans, yet after she gave him a wink and a smile, he thought better of it. Afternoon decayed to evening, and soon Bulma was opening her gifts in front of a crowd of most of her closest friends. Even Goku was there, though he did not say hello to Yajirobe. The samurai made note of that hideous betrayal. One would think at least he, of those in attendance, would give Yajirobe his due.
Yajirobe hadn’t gotten her anything. What had Bulma done for him lately? He was only here for the food.
Afterwards, his belly aching for some relief, he satiated himself by calling to her again. Prompt and professional, always carrying a platter of a variety of mouth-watering choices, she was everything he desired in a woman. By now, he had grown accustomed to her middle-aged face. She was neither beautiful, nor ugly. Her homely face aside, something about her gave him comfort. He adored her. He wanted to marry her. More importantly, he wanted to put baby samurai inside her. Korin could take care of them most of the time, anyways. It was about time he spread his seed.
There was a brown-haired boy fanboying out at Hercule’s heel, embarrassing his shorter friend, whose tail was twitching in irritation. Yajirobe recognized that one–that was one he’d cut off before, much like Vegeta’s. That was the tail of Ledas, a Saiyan boy who had come to Earth only a year or so ago, involving Yajirobe, Goku, and the others in some minor crisis. Yajirobe had forgotten most of what had happened, although he vaguely remembered being crucially involved in saving the day once again.
In any case, he wanted more food, so he raised his sweaty palm and again beckoned her over. She was quite lovely. He couldn’t say anything to her. She smiled at him and fed him, and really, that was all he had ever wanted.
Mr. Satan was entertaining Ledas’ friend, posing for him and showing off his muscles. The boy’s eyes were wide, and the grin on his face was unmistakable even from ten meters away. The champ began punching the air, doing a bit of his routine. Thankfully, there were no cameras around. Yajirobe noticed Videl watching her father and shaking her head in disgust. The fat man could hardly disagree with her assessment of the situation.
“Hey Yajirobe,” said Ledas, who had grown bored of Mr. Satan’s showboating. “How’s it going?”
“Not bad. The sushi isn’t terrible, and the mu shu pork is pretty good. Tacos are amazing. Have you had any?”
“Uh huh. That’s the only reason I came to this stupid party.”
“Heheh, that doesn’t surprise me.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You’re a big fat tubby, Yajirobe.”
He scowled. “Why do I bother talking to you, Ledas?”
“Sorry,” the boy replied, his tone becoming earnest. “I was just being cheeky. So what’s up with you, Bean Daddy?”
“H-hey, shut up… don’t call me that. Someone could hear.”
“Alright, alright! So, um what are you up to, man?”
His eyes were on her, even as she served Yamcha a table over. His cheeks grew hot. He noticed the boy noticing, but there was little for him to do except let it happen. Knowing he might never see her again, Yajirobe was not about to ration his glances.
“Ohohoho, I see that look in your eyes, Yajirobe. You must be in love.”
“No I’m not,” he replied in a grunt. “Just need to take a shit.”
The party was a massive dud, as usual, so they left early to avoid the worst and most awkward parts (talking to supposed acquaintances). They hadn’t left, however, until the server girl had gotten off of her shift. That had been a bitch to coordinate. Nevertheless, in bustling West City, the fat samurai and the insolent Saiyan followed the woman home for they wanted to see where she lived. There was nothing unvirtuous about their intent.
Try as he might, there was no fooling Ledas, and indeed, while they followed her, Yajirobe was forced to come clean.
“I can’t get her off my mind.”
“Yeah, I can see why. Her boobies are kinda big, though,” the Saiyan pointed out. “Personally, I prefer them a lot smaller.”
“I wasn’t asking what you preferred, man.”
“Oh, right. Well, in that case, I think she’s lovely.”
“Sure is pretty,” Yajirobe kept muttering to himself.
“She’s alright, yeah.”
They maintained a distance behind her of around half a block. It wasn’t the best, but at the same time, they were not professional detectives. Hover cars raced down the streets around them. There was a fair amount of people about, so they could not afford to lag behind too much, lest they lose her in the crowds.
“C’mon Yajirobe, say something t’her,” Ledas complained in a whisper.
“I’m goin’, I’m goin’…!” the big man muttered, shoving his way past several idlers.
A stale city wind was on his cheeks. With an anxious energy akin to hunger, the samurai rushed towards her. He wasn’t going to end up like Yamcha, like Puar, like half the losers stuck back at Bulma’s. He was going to find a baby mama and put it in her. A fine swordsman such as himself should have no problem with that. If he were confident enough, nothing else would matter.
People were swearing and gasping in fright as he pushed his way past them. She had reached the curb, and was waiting for the light to turn with a modest group of people. One of her fingers had curled around the end of her long brown hair. His mouth went dry. Wiping his palms on his shirt, he cleared his throat. The pace at which he was approaching her caused many around her to gracelessly step out of the way.
The woman turned around, her eyes meeting his. For a moment, he forgot everything, a sweeping, tingly feeling spreading through his vision, enough to almost knock him unconscious. Yajirobe smiled weakly. He was not good with ladies, of course, having rarely ever talked to them. On the walk up to her, he should have been thinking about what to say, but his mind had been racing.
Taken aback by his brazenness, the woman backpedaled away from Yajirobe, tripped on the side of the curb, and fell into the street. She should have recognized him. He didn’t understand why she did that.
Having hit her head hard on the asphalt, the server began bleeding out. A few indignant pedestrians ran over to help her. Yajirobe was not amongst them. From behind, the boy reached him, clicking his tongue as most everyone fled or watched in hushed silence as the woman twitched unresponsively, blood flowing into the street. He felt the joy slipping out of his skull.
In his pocket, he fingered a senzu bean; he could not compel his body forward.
“That really sucks, man.”
“Wanna go to the buffet?”
He climbed onto the back of the much smaller boy, and they got the hell out of there. Nobody noticed them fly off into the sky. It had been a disaster of a night. At least the samurai was about to feast. Feasting always made him forget about girls–at least until his belly was filled. That was a rare feeling, being entirely filled up. Yajirobe could not and would not get there easily, and for good reason.
Endnotes[edit | edit source]
- This story is named as such because Yajirobe calls himself the bean daddy in the first Cooler movie. This name was a playful poke at his lack of confidence in finding love throughout this story.
- Yajirobe was probably thinking about getting a blowjob from how he described the server girl's face.
- Mu shu pork is tasty as hell. I wanna go buy some now.
- Puar's role in this story was to highlight how he has no place in Dragon Ball. What exactly does he do? Why is he a character? The first saga of Dragon Ball being based on Journey to the West is not a good enough answer. Puar is super pathetic, and so Yajirobe doesn't have the patience to put up with him for long. Also something to note is that Yajirobe does not seem to get along with cats in general, be they the Puars or Korins of the world.
- I personally agree very strongly with Yajirobe - tacos are about the most delicious food in the world and if I could only eat one thing for the rest of my days, I would give strong consideration to tacos. Probably not pulled pork tacos for me though, as I prefer chicken.
- Whiskers the Wondercat is my favorite dub name of all time. It's even more absurd than Big Green. Who thought that was a good idea? I wanna know. It was a person with a job, with a salary, presumably smart enough to land the gig in the first place. That is staggering ineptitude.
- Yajirobe's comments about never forgiving Goku for letting Buu blow up Earth are what I believe too. If only Yajirobe had never died, it would have been so much better. Now he's like all the rest who have been revived.
- Krillin doesn't even deny that he named Marron after Maron in this story. I would never write him saying otherwise.
- Yajirobe's loneliness is what makes him act so fiercely towards Krillin. With that said, he does get a few good burns in on Krillin, and it seems to me that Krillin couldn't take the heat.
- Goku not saying hello to Yajirobe is typical of Goku. I find it to be one of Goku's least appealing traits, personally.
- Bulma is rich; she doesn't need gifts. Yajirobe was 100% right not to give her anything.
- The Benefactor coming to Earth was only a "minor crisis" because Yajirobe barely knew what happened with that conflict.
- I don't think Yajirobe has seen Ledas since the end of TF, due to how he describes Ledas in this story.
- The Mr. Satan moment was really fun for me to write, as that was something that was brought up in TF (second to last chapter in the story) and something I had somewhat wanted to show in that story, but never had the opportunity to do. Very personally satisfying moment for me, and I must say that it's not just Mr. Satan's prowess that was making Ryori flustered, but his muscular body as well.
- Yajirobe and Ledas go well together because they have a lot in common, in my opinion. They have their differences of course (Yajirobe being a coward, and Ledas loving to fight), but their bonding over the stupidity of the party and the food was a nice moment to show that, even if they haven't seen each other in a while, they're still good friends. They seem to be the only two people at the party who have their priorities set right, in my opinion. Food is always #1. Who cares about watching a rich bitch open some presents?
- Ledas calling Yajirobe Bean Daddy means that someone told him that the samurai has called himself that before. That's super embarrassing for the big tubby. He didn't want the server girl to hear, lest she think less of him.
- Yajirobe's cheeks grew hot because he grew jealous of the server girl attending to Yamcha. Yajirobe, unlike Yamcha, is not a cuck, so that action offended him. I specifically used Yamcha for that scene to highlight that aspect of Yajirobe's personality.
- All throughout the first section, Yajirobe's lust for the girl is compared to an unquenchable hunger because those are the terms the samurai thinks in. It's always food with him.
- Considering how much he ate at that party, Yajirobe probably did need to take a shit. It's a good cover story, but I don't think it convinced Ledas.
- Yajirobe has no game, so he had to creepily stalk the server girl home. Not one of his nobler moments, but he's very shy, so it's all he could do.
- Ledas, like me, prefers the smaller boobs. This might be slightly influenced by us sharing the same sexuality, being more male-dominant bisexuals. With that said, Ledas does make a couple comments that indicate he doesn't think this girl is pretty at all, not that that matters to Yajirobe.
- The big climax comes at the end, and I tried to hold off on it as long as possible for the themes of this story (jo-ha-kyū being foremost amongst them). Structurally, that's also why I had Ledas and Yajirobe talk for a bit about how hot she was before Yajirobe made his move. The pacing was very much controlled and thought about in this story.
- "On the walk up to her, he should have been thinking about what to say, but his mind had been racing." - I know this feeling all too well, unfortunately. It sucks. When you mind races, but you aren't thinking about anything really, that is just awful. I get that with my social anxiety personally.
- Yajirobe did not understand why the woman stepped away from him, but it is obvious - she thought he was a mugger, or a leering wretch, and acted on instinct. Yajirobe doesn't know what it's like to be a girl, so he doesn't realize that they have to be much more cautious in public due to all the creeps and weirdos.
- Ledas' reaction to the woman dying is one of the reasons why I don't consider him to be a "good" person. He's morally grey, and always has been. Unlike Vegeta or Goku, he never had a moral reformation.
- The senzu bean would not have saved her. She was dead the moment she hit the pavement. Still, it something I put in to leave some doubt in Yajirobe's mind and to make his actions seem somewhat questionable.
- Ledas offering to take Yajirobe to the buffet was a good gesture on his part, and it's stuff like that which is why the two are friends, and why Yajirobe doesn't mind Ledas compared to pretty much everyone else. Ledas shares his insatiable appetite and his impatience, so in a way, they get each other.
- "Yajirobe could not and would not get there easily, and for good reason." - with this last line, I kind of revealed one of the more important aspects of this story. I don't really want to give it all away, but one thing I will say is that there's a sort of parallel between "drinking away the pain" and Yajirobe doing the same thing with food.
I quite like this story. The first draft was rough, but looking over the edits in my google doc now, I don't really know how I polished it up so good. Lots of nice little jokes throughout in my opinion, especially in the first section with Yajirobe's comments about Krillin's daughter and how he treated Puar. Also, the pairing of Ledas and Yajirobe never gets old for me, so yeah, really like this one personally.
<---- Part 126
Part 128 ---->