|
This article, The Destructivedisk Anthology/The Space Cod Wars, is the property of Destructivedisk. |
The Space Cod Wars is probably the least relevant page on this wiki, and for that I love it. The page is based upon the actual, real-life historical war known as the Cod Wars that took place between Britain and Iceland in the mid-twenty-first century. These wars were the only thing less relevant than this page, and I found them quite hilarious for that reason.
I basically started writing The Space Cod Wars after stumbling across the page on wikipedia. I was on Skype with KidVegeta at the time, and we started laughing at the page together. I remember having a small amount to drink earlier that night, but not enough for it to significantly affect my writing process. I wrote the page in one sitting, over the course of about twenty minutes in total. Much of the page's text is taken directly from the original Cod Wars page. The version that I was basing it off of is this one.
The Space Cod Wars obviously isn't a page to be taken seriously, and, if anything, it's just a parody of all the pointless auxiliary pages on the wiki. However, I do find it quite funny, and it should be humorous even to anyone who isn't familiar with the historical conflict. Quite hilariously, I later nominated it for Article of the Month, and the competition was so weak that it actually won.
The Space Cod Wars
The Space Cod Wars, also referred to as The Konatsian Cod Wars, were a series of confrontations in 170 Age between Konats and The Planet Trade Organization regarding space fishing rights in the Andromeda Galaxy. In 168 Age, Konats officially declared an "Exclusive Konatsian Space Fishing Zone" which extended beyond its normal territorial space fishing rights.
However, in reaction to this, the Planet Trade Organization issued a fleet of spaceships which were intended to reclaim the territory. This resulted in direct confrontations between Konatsian Space Ships and Planet Trade Organization Space Frigates, resulting in massive casualties.
The dispute ended after Konats threatened to close a space base, which would have destroyed previously well established Planet Trade Organization planet trading routes. The Planet Trade Organization then agreed to give Konats the space fishing territory in the Andromeda Galaxy.
Background and History
At the time, the Konatsian population was almost entirely reliant upon space fish as their primary source of income, so naturally they wanted more space to space fish in.
The Planet Trade Organization did not want to give them more space to fish in, for the Planet Trade Organization was very evil and was not interested in establishing diplomatic relationships with other planets and organizations. They also needed the space to space fish in, which was really important at the time.
The First Space Cod War
The First Space Cod War began as soon as Konats began trying to space fish in the Andromeda Galaxy. In response to this, The Planet Trade Organization sent 47 Space Frigates and 28 Space Destroyers into the galaxy. Konats, which had a very weak Space Coast Guard, was forced to respond by sending out 3 Space Patrol Vessels.
The Planet Trade Organization then declared that their soldiers would space fish in the galaxy under Space Warship protection, resulting in the deployment of 36 Space Warships.
The Tapion Cruiser II then tried to defeat a Planet Trade Organization Space Frigate, which resulted in the Cruiser crashing directly into the Frigate. All of the crew members evacuated the ship and, thankfully, nobody was hurt.
Eventually, the Konatsians and the Planet Trade Organization came to an agreement, where they decided to send the matter to the Intergalactic Court of Space Law. The Intergalactic Court of Space Law did absolutely fucking nothing.
The Second Space Cod War
The second Space Cod War was much like the first, in that the Konatsians and the Planet Trade Organization were still fighting over territory in the Andromeda Galaxy.
Notably, this war featured a shift in the politics in Konats, from a center-East platform to a far-West platform. This was met by popular public support, resulting in a further expansion of space fishing territories in the Andromeda Galaxies. The Planet Trade Organization was not pleased by this, as the space fishing of space cod was essential to their advanced intergalactic economy.
Notably, at one point, yet another (by this time the seventeenth) Space Patrol Cruiser crashed into a Planet Trade Organization Space Destroyer. A lone Konatsian engineer was killed here, when space water flooded the ship while he tried to fix the Anti-Gravity Hull Engine. This caused electrocution, resulting in his immediate vaporization and death.
The Second Space Cod War was concluded when Frieza used his death beam on the President of Intergalactic Affairs, resulting in a war between the Planet Trade Organization and the universe. The Planet Trade Organization was thusly distracted from the war and forced to temporarily withdraw.
The Third Space Cod War
The third and final Space Cod War was exactly the same as the other two. All 130 members of the Konatsian Army were forced to face off against the 39,000 Planet Trade Organization soldiers on space ships. This resulted in the injury of one Space Fisherman, who was injured after a space whale bit off his left leg.
The long and tumultuous series of wars concluded when the Planet Trade Organization realized that they didn't need the Andromeda Galaxy to begin with and that they had never set foot in the Galaxy prior to the Space Cod Wars. They therefore withdrew from the territory, realizing that it was completely valueless to them.
Results
This event ruined the livelihoods of thousands of Planet Trade Organization fisherman, who found that they no longer had any territory to fish in. Later, Konats reimbursed these fisherman each with 1,000 Wutangs, which was described by the planet of the Hera as "too little, too late".
However, more importantly, an engineer was killed and a fisherman lost his leg. These wars would go down in history as some of the most gruesome and fierce in history, until the eventual Space Football War between the Genies and the Namekians.
Endnotes
- A lot of this story's humor comes from exchanging normal words with a space variant of the same word. This is a joke that is used quite often in Dragon Ball Z Abridged, and I also used it when writing a joke chapter of The Last Saiyan, when I changed one of the characters from Wepeel to Space Wepeel.
- The incongruity between the forces sent by the Planet Trade Organization and the Konatsian fleet is really funny to me. It's also basically what happened with Iceland, who just couldn't compete with the naval power that was England.
- Sending the case to the International Court of Space Law is a reference to what happened in reality, when the International Court of Justice did very little to broker an agreement between Britain and Iceland. More broadly, the line can be seen as a commentary on the general ineptitude of supranational organizations such as the United Nations or NATO.
- The funniest part of the story is that The Planet Trade Organization would care about a small amount of space fishing territory in the first place. They're an advanced society with huge spaceships and weapons, but they're still so concerned with fishing in a small part of the universe. It's almost like Frieza cared more about his pride than he actually cared about the space fish.
- The part where space water kills an engineer is hilarious because it's so nonsensical yet written so matter-of-factly. That it's the only casualty in the entire series of wars only amplifies the amount of hilarity contained within.
- The ratio of Planet Trade Organization soldiers to Konatsian soldiers in the Third Space Cod War is 300:1.
- I guess I chose the Wutang as the standard of currency because a) it sounds like Wulong, the standard of currency in the Cowboy Bebop universe and b) I was on a bit of a Wu-Tang Clan kick at the time.
- The Space Football War alluded to at the end of the story is also based on a real-life war - this time, the Football War between Honduras and El Salvador. This war lasted roughly four days, and was probably even less relevant than the Space Cod Wars.
- The picture of Cooler with the caption "idk some type of robot or something" is my favorite part of the story. It gives off the impression that I put absolutely no thought into the page and that I was just randomly adding in pictures.
- Most of the pictures have nothing to do with the story itself. They are just loosely related to the Space Football War that is mentioned near the end. This is a reference to how some stories include innumerable meaningless pictures that do very little to expand the plot. A similar joke was included in Dragonball KC by KidVegeta.
- I remember that, at one point, I added like thirty categories to the page and then reverted that like four times to get a bunch of category badges. KidVegeta got real mad at me for that and threatened to ban me.
The Space Cod Wars is a funny, if unmemorable, page. It's really just mocking the countless auxiliary pages on this wiki that do very little to expand stories or to expand the universe. Infinite pages could be made like this one, but it would ultimately do little to expand the original canon universe in any meaningful way. I don't have much to say about the page aside from that, so I'll just let that be that.
I won't be grading this page, because I don't view it as a story in any sense of the word, but I do generally like the page an.