For the second short story contest on the wiki, the story idea is:
- Write a short story (less than 2000 words) about Tarble. This may take place at any time in his life, except for the events of what happened in his special. Feel free to expand him in any way you see fit.
- To see the other rules of this contest, visit this page.
- The winner of this contest will receive a special prize.
- Please post your submission for this contest directly on this page, and denote which one is yours by a property tag, done by typing {{Property|Author'sName}} .
- Please do not add pictures to the submission, as it will only clutter the page.
- The due date for submissions is June 30th.
- Have fun and good luck!
Second Son[]
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This article, Dragon Ball Fanon Wiki Short Story Contest: June 2011, is the property of TitaniumBardock. |
Planet Vegeta, 1:26 pm. The Incubation Room in the Royal Palace.
King Vegeta- "(looked at his second, newborn son) Tarble is much weaker than we expected, with a power level of 650, he doesn't compare to his brother Vegeta..."
Caretaker- "Do you think he'll be able to possibly catch up to Prince Vegeta?"
King Vegeta- "I don't really know. He doesn't seem to be aggresive, or show any promise. We might have to let him go."
Caretaker- "Are you sure sire?"
King Vegeta- "(sighed) Yes, I am sure. Prepare a space pod for him, and send him to an easy planet."
Caretaker- "As you wish, sire"
King Vegeta started walking towards the door, and stops, looks at his second son one last time, and continued forward.
About 30 minutes later, a Saiyan Engineer finished preparing a pod for Tarble. The same caretaker from before loaded the child into the transport, and sent him off.
Tarble's destination was far away. A fairly small planet by the name of Gasore. After 6 hours blasting through space, the pod finally arrived to the planet, broke through the atmosphere, and violently landed within a red forest. A deep crater was formed, with crushed parts of trees lying on the ground.
The Saiyan Pod hissed while the door slowly opened. The baby Tarble started to wake up. Surprisingly he didn't cry, but was actually calm. He began crawling out of the transport, and wandered through the crater.
Out from the tree line, a female planet native discovered the little fellow.
Female Native- "Oh... What happened here?"
She looked in the crater, and discovered a small spaceship, and a little child. She then noticed that Tarble was a Saiyan.
Female Native- "It... It's a Saiyan baby!"
The little Tarble noticed her, smiled, raised his arms to her, and giggled. The Female Native reacted.
Female Native- "Moe!!"
Taking a second look at the little Saiyan, she decided he couldn't be that bad. So, she took him in as an adopted son. Over the years, Tarble grew up to become a behaved, somewhat intellectual Saiyan. There were some complications about him being adopted, but the female Gesurean assured he wouldn't be any harm, and later, she would be right. He later got married, and lived happily with his wife. All, until two tryants who used to work under Freiza attacked his planet. He, and his wife, Gure, sought out to find someone who could wipe out these foes. This is where this story ends, and the TV Special comes in.
The End
Writing Quality: |10 out of 30|
Entertainment Value: |5 out of 20|
Relation to Core Idea: |6 out of 10|
Purposefulness: |2 out of 10|
Quality of Plot: |4 out of 30|
Final Score: |27 out of 100|
The story started out semi-decent. The writing is okay, however it is written very much as a script-format story in a "normal" story's prose. Trying to write in both formats should not have been done at all. The "moe" bit is out of place completely, as is most of the other dialogue. Everyone is a bit too nice here, giving off an OOU feeling. The story itself quickly fell apart after Tarble left his father. And the rest of the story was nigh pointless and rushed; moreover, it felt as if the writer was just trying to finish something up and had lost interest in actually doing this story.
Second[]
(987 words)
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This article, Dragon Ball Fanon Wiki Short Story Contest: June 2011, is the property of DBZGamingAddict. |
King Vegeta-(Looking at Tarble after being born) "So this is Tarble. Doctor *MOTIONS TO SAIYAN DOCTOR* Tell me his power level."
Saiyan Doctor- "Yes sire." *PRESSES A BUTTON AND LOOKS AT METER* "His.. His power level is.. well quite interesting my king." King Vegeta-(Anxious) "Well? What is it?" Saiyan Doctor-"Tarble's power level is.. 360."
King Vegeta-(Suprised) "You can't be serious. Let me see for myself."
King Vegeta walked over to the machine that read newborn Saiyan power levels. He took a look at it and pressed the same button that the doctor pressed. The numbers flashed and the same number came out. 360.
King Vegeta- "Tarble is much weaker than I anticipated. He is far from his brother Vegeta.
Saiyan Doctor- "What do you think we should do?"
King Vegeta- "Lets wait a few more days. See if he shows any signs of a true Saiyan warrior."
Five days later...
King Vegeta- "So, has he shown any signs?
Saiyan Doctor- "I am sorry my king, but he has not shown any signs of a warrior."
King Vegeta-(Disappointed) "Nothing? No signs of aggresion? No signs of a warrior?"
Saiyan Doctor- "None sire."
King Vegeta-(Silent for a moment) "Get rid of him. Send him to a weak planet."
Saiyan Doctor- "Are you sure King Vegeta?"
King Vegeta- "Yes, I am sure. And don't argue with me. *LOOKS UP* He will bring disgrace to the Royal Family. I want him gone within the hour. Understand?"
Saiyan Doctor- "Yes sire."
50 minutes later, Tarble was put into a space pod by a Saiyan engineer.
Saiyan Engineer- "So, daddy wants to get rid of you huh. Oh well, can't disobey orders by the King. *CLOSES POD* Bye little buddy.
The Saiyan engineer pressed a button and, in an instant, Tarble's space pod rose from the ground and soared into the never-ending wonder known as space.
Tarble's pod continued to drift in space for two days until he came to a planet known as Gural. As he entered the atmosphere, a male native noticed a falling object coming from space. He waited a few more seconds and heard a loud CRASH. He became curious and hiked toward the crash site.
He walked for twenty minutes before coming to he ruins of a small forest. The trees were sprawled out on the ground, with branches and twigs on the ground. Many of the trees were uprooted from Tarble's falling pod. He saw a large trench extending for about 30 feet until it came to a strange circular object (Tarbe's pod). He carefully walked toward the pod, avoiding large branches and other hazards.
As he approached Tarble's pod, he saw a reddish-purplish window, and throw that window he saw a small humanoid figure.
Male Native-(Confused) What is this?
He went closer to the pod and lightly touched it. The door began to open and the native quickly pulled is hand back. As the pod continued to open, he took precaution and started to back up 3 feet. When the pod was fully open the native's eyes widened. In the pod he saw a small baby with short hair, crying and kicking his feet.
After seeing the baby, seeing that there was no danger, the native carefully walked to Tarble's pod. He looked down into Tarble's pod and saw all kinds of technology.
Male Native- What? A baby? How awkward. But what's a baby like you doing in a high-tech pod all by yourself? *LOOKS IN TARBLE'S POD* Well, it says here that your name is Tarble. Judging by your name and your high-tech pod, i'll say that you're a Saiyan baby.
Tarble's crying stopped and he looked up at the native. Tarble began to shift in his seat, trying to get out of the pod.
Male Native- Trying to get out? Here, let me help you. *REACHES DOWN AND GRABS TARBLE FROM THE POD* You're quite the cute baby Tarble. Well, I can't just leave you out here all by yourself. That'd be wrong. Well, looks like you're going to have to come with me.
Tarble began to smile and laugh lightly. The native smiled along with Tarble. He put Tarble in his bag of fruits and walked off toward his home.
41 Years Later...
Tarble has become a proud native of Planet Gural. He married an alien named Gure and became known as 'The Protector of Gural.' Everything was going fine, until Abo and Kado showed up on planet Gural.
Tarble- C'mon Gure! Hurry up! They're almost here!
Gure- I'm ready, lets go.
Tarble- Okay, but be sure to hang on. *HOVERS ABOVE GROUND*
Tarble mashed all the energy that he could into his flying strength, and soared like a rocket toward his space pod. It had been left in the crater and not moved on Tarble's request. Thankfully, they weren't to far away from it.
Tarble-(Thinking) Please don't let them pick up our energy. Please don't let Abo and Kado notice the energy spike.
Three minutes later they arrived at the crater. Inside was the pod that Tarble came to Planet Gural came in. Its covered in leaves, but Tarble easily brushes them aside. Other than that the pod looked to be in good shape. Lets just hope that it still knows how to fly.
Tarble-*PRESSING BUTTINS IN THE POD* Please work.. Please work. *ALL THE LIGHTS IN THE POD START TO FLASH* Yes, thank you! Gure get in. We must go find my brother.
Gure-(Worried) But Tarble? What if we don't find him?
Tarble-(Reassuring) We'll find him. I know we will.
Tarble and Gure get in the space pod and blast off into space to find Vegeta. Little do they know that Abo and Kado were listening in on Tarble's scouter, so they know where he is going, and why.
Abo-(Smirking) So the little brat thinks that he can escape from us? Unfortunately for him, he is very, very wrong.
END
Writing Quality: |17 out of 30|
Entertainment Value: |10 out of 20|
Relation to Core Idea: |7 out of 10|
Purposefulness: |6 out of 10|
Quality of Plot: |15 out of 30|
Final Score: |55 out of 100|
This was surprisingly readable. The opening and last pit were particularly interesting. The main problem with this story is that is suffered a huge gap in the middle. It goes from Tarble being a baby to him escaping with Gure. That was a fatal mistake. We can't get any sort of connectivity to Tarble or Gure, from this story alone, when their characters are not showcased at all until the end. Why are the aliens there? Why are they after Tarble and Gure? There was plenty of room for expansion in that part. You could have easily shortened King Vegeta's part in the story and replaced it more with some tarble-focused parts. Again, this story lacked any sort of connectivity and it was hindered plotwise, because of that.
Family Rejection[]
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This article, Dragon Ball Fanon Wiki Short Story Contest: June 2011, is the property of Supersaiyian11. |
A long time ago on planet Vegeta...
A baby was born. He was the 2nd son of King Vegeta and his wife,Queen Raddie. His name was Tarble. He started crying right after he was born. His 4 year old brother,Prince Vegeta started to laugh and said "What a crybaby. How pathetric"
Tarbe then got mad and punched Vegeta in the arm. Vegeta then said"Whoa your weak.That felt like I was being punched by a flower. Father seriously how strong is this weak pathetric excuse for a brother anyway?"
King Vegeta then said "Oh lets see" The king then turned on his scouter and said "Whoa, your right son. He is weak. His power level is only 0.001."
Prince Vegeta then said "Father, lets jest send this weaking to another planet before the kingdom hears just how weak he i and we become the laughing stock of the whole planet."
The king thhen said"not a bad idea son" Tarble was then sent of to another planet so that his family wouldnt be made fun of.
Writing Quality: |1 out of 30|
Entertainment Value: |0 out of 20|
Relation to Core Idea: |5 out of 10|
Purposefulness: |0 out of 10|
Quality of Plot: |0 out of 30|
Final Score: |6 out of 100|
A terribly written, terribly conceived waste of space. I hate how terribly kid Vegeta and King Vegeta were written for. Queen Raddie is a terrible name. 0.001 for a power level is just lies. Basically, everything about this story is downright garbage.
No Seconds, Please[]
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This article, Dragon Ball Fanon Wiki Short Story Contest: June 2011, is property of Chocolateaddictjr. |
When young Prince Vegeta was 4 or 5, his parents had a younger brother, Tarble. His mother, sadly, died in child birth. The doctors immediately examined his power level, it was a meager 3.
"Hah! This child has a power level of 3, and is NEVER going to live up to the honorable Prince Vegeta!" says a doctor. Tarble immediately started crying. "Hmph! Coward!" The same doctor said to Tarble. "My King, this child *POINTS AT TARBLE* deserves to be raised by low class trash! *OTHER DOCTORS LAUGH* HAHAHA!" Another doctor says.
"My child is a disgrace, doctors *GLASS STARTING TO SHATTER*, LEAVE ME AT ONCE!" King Vegeta yelled. "Yes, sire." The doctors said right before leaving.
"Father, do you HONESTLY think we can make this trash *POINTS AT TARBLE* that deserves to be a low class, stronger? I don't think so!" Prince Vegeta says to his father. "*MUMBLES TO SELF* No.I don't think we can. We should *STARTS GETTING LOUD* LEAVE TARBLE AT A DIFFERENT PLANET!" King Vegeta says. Three days later, a pod flies from Planet Vegeta..off to drift to a different planet..
Writing Quality: |3 out of 30|
Entertainment Value: |3 out of 20|
Relation to Core Idea: |4 out of 10|
Purposefulness: |0 out of 10|
Quality of Plot: |4 out of 30|
Final Score: |14 out of 100|
This story was incomprehensible. The quasi-script format used is very hard to read and understand. The characters are out of character; the story is rushed. Tarble is barely even featured. A lot more effort should have been put in this story to give it some originality and actual substance. It is not very good at all.
Struggle[]
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This article, Dragon Ball Fanon Wiki Short Story Contest: June 2011, is the property of SuperSaiyanKrillin. |
Tarble is trying to defeat Abo and Kado on the planet he lives on. Tarble fires a series of ki blasts at Abo and Kado as the charge at him for moking them. They come up behind him and start beating him into the ground. They jump back to see if he is still alive. He stands up badly beaten before using an Explosive Wave on them sending them back a few feet. Seeing him standing impresses them but not much. Abo goes to attack. Tarble takes a fighting stance. Abo jumps up in front of him ,and starts punching him over and over with no signs of stopping. Tarble stands up again when Abo backs away. They both think he is a fool for still trying to fight. This time Kado jumps up to fight and starts knocking Tarble around. Tarble then uses a Galick Burst. This angered Kado so he decided to clone himself to take out Tarble who was still somehow still standing. The clones quickly started to beat on Tarble who could not defend himself anymore and was being seriously beaten. Tarble knew he had to get out of there before he died. When he got out and started to fly away Abo jump up in front of him ,and punched him into the ground. Tarble then got up one more time used an Explosive Wave to excape, as quick as he could he got his wife, and went to Earth to get Vegeta.
Writing Quality: |6 out of 30|
Entertainment Value: |4 out of 20|
Relation to Core Idea: |5 out of 10|
Purposefulness: |5 out of 10|
Quality of Plot: |7 out of 30|
Final Score: |27 out of 100|
At best, I could call this story illogical. Tarble was an incredibly weak Saiyan, and Abo and Kado were as strong as Frieza. Simply put, he could not have lasted that long, nor (in your story, at least) made such an escape. Aside from the lacking plot, the writing is also really shoddy. The fight scene starts too abruptly, leading to much confusion. I would say inconsistent tenses and rushed/forced transitions are the biggest detractors, but also, simply writing this as a single paragraph was a mistake. It should have been longer and more descriptive. That would have made this story quite a bit better.
Birds and Bees[]
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This article, Dragon Ball Fanon Wiki Short Story Contest: June 2011, is the property of Jedi Master Yoda. |
{C}My life so far was worthless. Without any sense. I was born when my mother and father had s*x to produce this worthless piece of sh*t - me. I really don't remember when dad died, except I know that a fag named Frieza killed him. I was younger than my brother, the Crown Prince of my home planet. I think I was part of a distinguished race - the one that has a tail poking out of its ass.
My dad abandoned me because I was weak. He probably wanted to hide the fact that he had a weak son. Wondering how I know all this? Well, it so happens that I have a sister. (An annoying one, if you ask me.) An older sister who is 15 years older than me, and has a low power level, about the same as mine. She tells me that I'm from the Planet Vegeeta and I'm from the Saiyain race.
Crazy, huh? But I cannot deny the fact that she'd possibly my only living relative and she too has a tail poking out of her ass, just like me. And she too rampages around at the full moon. The natives of the planet are scared of us. They drove us into the mountains. Of course, though we were weak, our strength was enough to take them out. The only problem was numbers. Kill 1 native, and 1,000 natives will attack. So we have to wait for the full moon to cause any serious damage.
I think killing is in my blood. But I have to control it, all the same.
___________________________________________________________________________________________
I walked down the ravaged mountainside, ready to attack any animal near. Food was scarce, and we had to resort to hunting animals to keep our mind and body together. It was still 6 days until full moon.
Suddenly, I heard a noise coming out from the caves nearby. Taking serious precautions, I peeped into the cave - and saw my sister.
My mouth opened at the sight of her. She was kissing fiercly with a tall, dark native, as if glued together. I felt angry and disgusted at the sight - hey, I was just 14 then.
I strode into the room. For a second, my sister didn't notice me. "Ahem." I coughed. She suddenly turned her head and saw me, glaring at her. The native took a few seconds to realize what was happening. At the sight of me, he looked frightened.
"What do you think you're doing, sis?" I muttered, angrily. "I-I can-can explain!" she whimpered. "No explanation needed." I said, still not looking at her. I pointed 2 fingers at the shivering native. An unknown power flooded through me and I knew I had to use it.
A flash of light. And everything was black. A scream was heard.
Writing Quality: |8 out of 30|
Entertainment Value: |0 out of 20|
Relation to Core Idea: |2 out of 10|
Purposefulness: |0 out of 10|
Quality of Plot: |0 out of 30|
Final Score: |10 out of 100|
A worthless piece of trash not deserving of a full commentary.
Final Note[]
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This article, Dragon Ball Fanon Wiki Short Story Contest: June 2011, is the property of NomadMusik. |
"I wonder what happened to my brother, Prince Vegeta. From the stories I heard about him, he was a cold heartless bastard. But now, he seems to have a human family. What happened to his heartless pride? What happened to his pure evilness?"
"Ah, I keep babbling on. Abo and Kado were both just decoys for my actual plan. I needed a distraction to occupy my brother and that low-class Saiyan trash he was with. See, me and the Gapreans were planning to revive Lord Frieza using the Namekian Dragon Balls. But Vegeta and the other trash could've sense the power of Lord Frieza from Earth."
"The plan failed, however. Turns out we need the 'password' for the dragon. Lord Frieza would be disappointed in me."
"Well, this is the last anyone will ever hear of me. This is my final farewell. Goodbye, Vegeta. Goodbye, the Gapreans. But, most of all, goodbye my beautiful wife, Gure."
-With My Final Regards, Tarble, the Saiyan of Gaprea.
Word Count: Approximately 162 Words.
Writing Quality: |3 out of 30|
Entertainment Value: |5 out of 20|
Relation to Core Idea: |5 out of 10|
Purposefulness: |0 out of 10|
Quality of Plot: |2 out of 30|
Final Score: |15 out of 100|
My sole entertainment from this story was me trying to guess who was narrating this story. As I read through it, I hoped and hoped and hoped that it wouldn't be Tarble talking. And then it was. This is perhaps the most egregious example of an OOC Tarble I have ever seen.
It Slimed Me![]
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This article, Dragon Ball Fanon Wiki Short Story Contest: June 2011, is the property of SonikFan112. |
Total Word Count: 1978
King Vegeta, the king of all of the Saiyans on Planet Vegeta, looked at the small incubator in front of him, containing a baby with black hair. The baby’s name was Tarble, second son of King Vegeta and brother of Prince Vegeta. The king shook his head.
“No, no, this just won’t do…” He thought, scanning his son with his scouter. “A measly power level of 300... This just won’t do.” He crossed his arms and sighed. “I hate to do this, but…” The king pointed at his Saiyan worker. “Linten! Prepare a space pod.” He said to his worker.
“Uh, yes sir, King!” Linten said, doing a quick salute to his king and then running off. Vegeta grabbed his son and walked off to the Pod launch site.
When he arrived, Linten had prepared a pod for him. He walked up to it, holding Tarble in his arms. “Sir, if I may ask, why do you need the pod?”
Vegeta sighed, about to place Tarble in the pod. “My son is too weak. He’s not strong enough to stay here on Vegeta.” The King said, placing his son in the pod, closing it. “Launch it.” Linten was surprised by this action, but quickly pressed a button, launching Tarble into deep space, the baby still sound asleep.
Suddenly, the King turned around and held out his hand at Linten, having prepared an energy blast in it.
“S-Sir?! What are you doing?” Linten asked, stepping back.
“Erasing evidence!” The King launched his blast right at Linten, and within a few seconds, the blast had hit and Linten was dead. Vegeta grabbed his body and launched it into deep space.
Eighteen Years Later
Tarble was patient. Extremely patient. He waited, and waited, and waited. It had been 18 years since he had launched from Planet Vegeta, and he was still waiting. He had not been able to land on a single planet.
But when Tarble had opened his eyes after just closing them for a rest, he saw a large planet his pod was going right for. Tarble wasn’t showing it, but he felt extremely happy.
Tarble safely descended the pod onto the planet. When he emerged, he did a quick scan of the environment.
“Grassy…trees everywhere…dirt…” He thought. Tarble started walking through the forest. He continued to look around, when he saw a strange green creature. It was rounded and slimy and only tall enough to come up to Tarble‘s waist at best. It was hopping at Tarble. Tarble scratched his chin and decided to try attacking it. He punched it as it hopped at him, but it simply got stuck to Tarble’s arm. Literally, Tarble’s arm was completely inside the Slime.
“What the…?” Tarble said. He tried shaking the Slime off of his arm, and it worked. However, his arm was covered in a green goop. He tried to kick it as it landed on the ground, but it stuck to his leg as well, and he quickly shook it off again.
“Alright you little bugger…” Tarble said and he blasted the slime with a Ki Blast. The slime exploded into a gooey mess when it got hit and Tarble shielded his eyes. The slime dropped a small copper coin when it died, which Tarble picked up and examined. “I don’t think anatomy works like that.” He said before tossing it aside and walking further into the forest.
Tarble continued through the dense forest. He encountered a few more Green Slimes along the way which he quickly dispatched. Tarble walked past the final tree and he saw what appeared to be a village of Slimes, with strange buildings made out of what appeared to be multicolored gels.
Tarble scanned the village with his scouter. There were multiple power levels; most matched the ones of the Green Slimes he had seen earlier, but there were a few slightly stronger kinds. He walked into the village when a Slime colored blue attacked him. It was slightly larger then it’s Green Slime brethren. Tarble took a fighting stance as he launched a ki blast. The slime was damaged, but alive. Tarble launched another blast and the Slime died.
Tarble destroyed the rest of the Slimes and houses in the village and proceeded once again through the forest. He walked and walked, again encountering the three types of Slimes he had killed. He once again encountered a village as he came out of the forest. This village, however, was MUCH larger. There was a giant building in the top middle; instead of gel, this building was actually constructed out of stone. Tarble scanned the environment. He saw the same powers from before, however, in some of the houses there were higher power levels, going into the three hundreds. Tarble nearly jumped out of his shoes when he saw the power level in the stone temple; it was at 1200, possibly exceeding that.
Tarble focused extremely hard, and a barrage of energy blast came out of his hands, destroying everything except the stone temple. A ton of slimes emerged from the gels of the destroyed houses, easily having thirty or more slimes hop at Tarble. Tarble looked at the slimes; the regular Green, Blue and Purple kinds, and two new kinds, both black, one being bigger then the other. Tarble got a confident smile on his face and focused again, unleashing enough energy blasts to kill the slimes while having his eyes closed. When he opened them, what he saw surprised him; around 12 black slimes, around the size of the smaller black slime, were hoping at him. Tarble scratched his chin and came to the conclusion that the slimes had came out of the four larger black slimes he had killed.
Tarble just threw out twelve Ki Blasts. Tarble, however, a few seconds after he launched it, fell to his knees.
“Damn, I’ve used too much energy…” He said to himself. “I’m gonna need to rest.” Tarble walked back into the woods and walked for around five hundred feet. He cleared out a small area with his remaining ki and used some wood to start a camp fire. He got close to it and lied down, falling asleep.
The Next Day
Tarble awoke refreshed. He ran all the way to where the stone building was. Tarble cracked his knuckle and ran up the stairs leading into it.
As Tarble reached the top, what he saw surprised him, needless to say. There were two of the larger black slimes, which Tarble had dubbed “Mother Slimes”. But what was inbetween them was the real surprise; a gigantic black Slime on a large throne. It had to be five times the size of the Mother Slimes. Tarble looked a little closer, and he saw somebody in the Slime; it was a small, white person with a round head. It had no hair and was wearing some kind of red suit. Tarble got into a fighting stance, using his ki to quickly eliminate the Mother Slimes and their spawn, leaving only the King Slime.
“Alright…I must be careful not to kill the person…whoever they are, they might be an asset to me.” Tarble thought. The King Slime hopped at Tarble, just like any other Slime. Tarble using a small energy beam to hit the bottom of the slime; when it connected, the slime appeared to have shrunk, but three blue slimes had came out of the destroyed part of the body. Tarble quickly blasted these away. He came to the conclusion that the destroyed parts of the King turned into the Blue Slimes. Tarble focused extremely hard; using a large amount of his ki, he managed to blast off a large chunk of the right side of the King and destroyed all of the spawn in the process. The slime regenerated, but it was noticeably smaller now.
To Tarble’s surprise, the slime hopped extremely fast at him; he was so shocked he didn’t have time to react; within a few seconds, he was completely inside the Slime’s body. Tarble could barely see and it was extremely hard to move, but he knew he would end up just like the person if he didn’t get out. Tarble used a small amount of his remaining energy to make a small explosion around his body; it destroyed a small amount of the slime and made an air bubble so he could quickly escape.
Tarble was completely covered in goo, but it didn’t deter him. Tarble looked at the King Slime; the Slime was very small now, around only one third of it’s original height. Tarble smiled, and with a yell, he launched two energy beams out of his hands at the left and right sides of the King Slime. The slime was almost defeated, it appeared; it ejected the alien from it’s body to make a bit of space for itself.
With a mighty leap, the Slime once again hopped at Tarble; the young Saiyan was prepared for this as he launched dozens of ki blasts at the King Slime. The slime was taken aback and was unable to land on Tarble.
At that point, the King Slime was simply too small to do any real damage to Tarble. Tarble chuckled at his own victory when the alien began to wake up. Tarble grabbed the alien’s arm and helped it up.
“Thank you, sir!” The alien said, having a clearly feminine voice.
“You’re welcome, miss…” Tarble said, trying to sound polite. Tarble gasped as he looked at the King Slime; the King Slime was oozing lava from it’s body. Tarble grabbed the alien’s arm and ran as fast as he could away from the temple. “Come on, we need to get out of here!” Tarble said to the alien.
Tarble ran through the forest as fast as he physically could. He put the alien on his back and she gripped his neck to hold on. The trees were being set ablaze, but Tarble kept running. Eventually, he saw the previous Slime village he had destroyed, meaning he was close to his pod. He ran through the village and back into the forest.
After another minute of running, Tarble saw his space pod, sitting right in the place he had landed. Tarble hopped into it along with the alien, closed the pod door, and hit a bunch of buttons.
“LAUNCH!” He said, pulling a lever. The space pod was catapulted into space; Tarble could still see the planet. While a part of it was still green, it was all turning red, meaning the planet was going to be encased in lava. Tarble hit a few more buttons, this time on his scouter. “Tarble to World Trade Organization. Tarble to World Trade Organization. I have successfully destroyed any signs of life on a planet in the east quadrant. However, because of some sort of fail safe on the last life form there, the planet has been completely incased in lava. As such, I don’t think it would be any use.” Tarble said, deactivating his scouter.
Tarble looked at the alien, who was sitting right in front of him in the cramped pod. “What’s your name, alien?” He asked.
“It’s Gure, sir.” Gure answered.
“Okay….my name is Tarble.” He said back to her. After a few minutes of awkward staring, Tarble pushed a few more buttons, and his space pod was sent into orbit once again.
…And the rest was history, folks.
(Just a little bit of trivia: the slimes in this story are based off of the slimes from Terraria. Only three slimes do not appear, them being the Red Slime, Yellow Slime and Lava Slime. The Lava Slime was added into the game when I was near finished with this story, but I decided to add him in spirit by giving his “burst into lava” ability to the King Slime)
Writing Quality: |23 out of 30|
Entertainment Value: |18 out of 20|
Relation to Core Idea: |9 out of 10|
Purposefulness: |10 out of 10|
Quality of Plot: |24 out of 30|
Final Score: |84 out of 100|
Unlike any story before this, I had immense fun in reading this. It is well written, has a fun plot, and even goes so far as giving a unique and original way for Gure and Tarble to meet. The writing is very innocent and childish, but not so much in a bad way. The King Vegeta/sending Tarble away part was very easily the best one out of any that I've read so far. And killing Linten at the end was quite a nice touch. Also, I have to say the part with the coin coming out from the first slime was a brilliant piece of writing. Actually, Tarble's entire fight with all the lesser slimes was incredibly entertaining. I don't know if it was intended, but this story, despite some of it's serious plot points seemed rather silly/upbeat to me. It may just be the writing, though.
I had several problems with this story, though. There are the obvious (though, admittedly, small) illogical parts to this story, such as Tarble flying in space for 18 years, knowing what trees and dirt are, and even destroying the village then taking the sleeping break. However, my major con from this story is the King Slime fight. It was disappointingly straightforward. I had hoped that Tarble, who is not a powerful Saiyan, would have relied on something other than actual raw strength to defeat the king. Having him being sucked up into the slime was a good move, but there was so much more that could have been done with that, and it was a disappointment that nothing more was done with it.
Overall, this was a really good piece of writing. SonikFan is actually quite good at this, and I would very much like to see him write more.
The ultimate battle of Tarble[]
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This article, Dragon Ball Fanon Wiki Short Story Contest: June 2011, is the property of Gotek. |
After landing on the planet his father sent him to the planet became his home. Tarble began training to reclaim his place as the Saiyan Prince. Then one day Tarble dedected two high power levels on his scouter.
Tarble: Gure run, now!
Gure: W---why?
Tarble: Just run now!!
Abo and Kado land
Kado: Hey Abo what's the hightest power on this puny planet?
Abo: Oh it's right over there!
Abo and Kado rushed Tarble. Tarble dodged then punched both they're stomachs. Abo and Kado fired ki blasts at Tarble, but Tarble dodged them. Then Abo and Kado found Gure hiding.
Kado: Oh who's that?
Tarble: Leave her alone!!
Abo: Haaaaaa. Let's blast her Kado.
Kado: No problem.
Abo and Kado blasted Gure killing her.
Tarble: NOOOO Gure!!
Tarble continued powering up and Abo and Kado fused into Aka.
Tarble had unlocked the Super Saiyan.
Tarble: Your end is here!!
Tarble rushed Aka, and began beating Aka up. Aka didn't stand a chance. Then Tarble blasted Aka killing him. Tarble held Gure's lifeless body in his hands. Tarble was so sad, but he moved on with his life as he knew that was what Gure would want.
Writing Quality: |2 out of 30|
Entertainment Value: |0 out of 20|
Relation to Core Idea: |0 out of 10|
Purposefulness: |3 out of 10|
Quality of Plot: |0 out of 30|
Final Score: |7 out of 100|
I know this is a what if story. However, it is written horribly. Tarble as a super saiyan is a forced "special episode" type of plot. It does not work. Aside from that, the rest of the story -rushed plot points and weak character molds make for a downright terrible read.
And... the winner is SonikFan112! Congrats on a job well done!