User blog:Hyper Zergling/HZ's Reviews

After Destructivedisk pestered asked me to make a review blog, I decided to. But be warned, it won’t be updated very often, due to my personal life, and the fact that I have a lack of attention span, so reading horrendous fan fictions will take a long time.

Whenever you request a fan fiction to be reviewed, link to it for my convenience, please.

Rating Categories:
 * Perfect
 * Exceptional
 * Very Good
 * Mediocre
 * Below Mediocre
 * Pretty Bad
 * Worst Possible

Note: It will be very unlikely that any of your fan fictions will lie in the upmost or worst category

More pros or cons may be added after I re-read each story

Pros

 * Very original
 * No overpowering
 * Humans now play a greater role
 * Canon characters keep their personalities

Cons

 * Tao is too “random.”
 * Tao should be dead, due to Super Buu. The explanation supplied, although possible, is insanely unlikely.
 * Fat Buu is out of existence.
 * Chiaotzu and Yajirobe beating the hypothetical Frieza
 * Dende would have understood the situation at hand and sacrificed himself.

Overall Rating
Very Good

Pros

 * Canon characters somewhat keep their personalities
 * Nothing above SSJ4

Cons

 * Terrible, terrible grammar and spelling, if not for my corrections, not to mention new additions also have poor grammar now
 * Story needs explaining
 * Descriptions are too straightforward and redundant, resulting in utter boredom
 * Pan getting mad at Krillin for hitting her during the tournament
 * Goten wouldn’t be pissed during his tournament fight with Trunks
 * Since when was Dragon Ball one word?

Overall Rating
Pretty Bad

Pros
I can't think of any at the moment

Cons

 * Lack of story development
 * Rewrite of something that already happened
 * Lack of spacing between many sentences and behind many commas
 * Lack of capitalization on many letters that should be capitalized, and capitalization on some letters that should not be capitalized
 * Image theft

Overall Rating
Pretty Bad

Pros

 * Good time frame to develop on

Cons

 * Power levels are higher than they should be

Overall Rating
Mediocre – Very Good

Pros

 * Disregarding canon issues, the backstory of Bruss could have been a good idea

Cons

 * Overpowering
 * No explanations for things that just don’t make sense
 * Minimal story development
 * Poor grammar/spelling
 * Image theft…again

Overall Rating
Pretty Bad

Pros

 * It actually made me laugh somewhat

Cons

 * In the section of Krillin and 18, is Marron Marron as in their daughter or Maron? Clarified, but still caused initial confusion
 * Not exactly a "fan fiction"

Overall Rating
Mediocre (for its intention)

Dragon Ball : NS by Raging Blast
Note: This review was done during the process of reading, so more points are pointed out.

Pros:

 * GT is disregarded

Cons:

 * The story unravels too suddenly.
 * “Vegeta,Trunks,Gohan,Krilin,Yamcha,Ciaotzu and Tien” You could’ve just typed “The rest of the Z Fighters”
 * Humans and saiyans being born of the same ancestor race
 * Goku wouldn’t just send his son into the line
 * Shenron teaching fusion
 * Broly’s power already rises by the second
 * The time thing in that world is illogical. If they beat Broly in 15 minutes in that world, then 15 minutes it is, since it’s 15 minutes relative to them.
 * Virtually all characters speak as though they are little kids. The quotes are not what many of them would say.
 * Goku and Trunks Fusion
 * Janemba
 * Other kind of fusion that exceeds fusion dance and Potara
 * US customary system instead of metric (100 miles); it’s Japan, not the US
 * The rest of the Z Fighters inexplicably learning signature techniques of others
 * Informal punctuation and capitalization
 * Some grammar and spelling problems
 * The idea of Xorcai was better Misunderstanding clarified

Overall Rating
Below Mediocre

Pros

 * Solid writing that did not bore me at all.
 * GT is disregarded
 * Master Roshi molesting 18...he would

Cons

 * Some cliches, such as the what happens with Turtle Jr. and the toxic darts in Roshi's traps
 * Use of the US customary system for measurements

Overall Rating
Exceptional

Going to be updated, due to complete opposite reviews of others

Pros

 * Nice text for the title

Cons

 * No backstory
 * Everything happens too fast
 * Assuming none of them can Super Saiyan, wouldn't Baby Buu be far too powerful for them?
 * After throwing all their attacks and doing nothing, Gokar suddenly makes an attack that is strong enough...if he could do that, then shouldn't he have done it from the start?
 * Poor grammar and spelling

Overall Rating
Pretty Bad

Pros

 * GT is disregarded
 * Pan realistically has a much tougher time learning super saiyan.

Cons

 * Uub shouldn’t know about being the reincarnation of Buu.
 * Xorcai being Goku’s brother and that powerful, something like that is possible but very unlikely
 * Xorcai being present during the events of Buu…why would he wait so long for his revenge?
 * Shenron reading thoughts
 * Wishing a new time chamber isn’t exactly a “plan.”
 * Bran is flat-chested and her body is too manly XD
 * Piccolo putting up a fight…he shouldn’t be this strong, regardless
 * Relatively poor grammar and spelling
 * Explanations are too straightforward and bland.

Overall Rating
Mediocre

Pros

 * GT is disregarded

Cons

 * A lot of ass-pulling, such as a sudden "ultimate plan" that came out of nowhere and was unexplained earlier
 * They shouldn't possess a gravity chamber, and what are the measurements of the gravity chamber relative to?
 * Hot shouldn't be that strong (zillions, which isn't even a number, but I reckon that it's greater than a trillion), because that would make Frieza not nearly as confident in his abilities in the real universe.
 * Hot using "fire" as attacks. If that was the case, then shouldn't Frieza's species be using ice attacks?
 * Liquid fire is impossible, because fire is energy, not matter. And say fire is plasma or gas, "liquid fire" would be a lot colder than the plasma or gas form.
 * They shouldn't know how to perform Destructo disk
 * Poorly written overall

Overall Rating
Pretty Bad

Pros

 * GT is disregarded
 * Female characters play a major role

Cons

 * Tense inconsistencies
 * Occasional spacing problems
 * Story is too abrupt
 * Uub transforming to Buu, just because the portal between Hell and the universe was opened: doesn't make sense to me
 * The new saiyans are way too "adapted" to human culture, despite being aliens and, I assume, not having been on Earth before
 * All full-blooded saiyans have black hair, and I would assume, have relatively the same skin color as well. I don't think there would be "black" full-blooded saiyans.
 * The saiyan chicks are Muslim...and yet they originate from light-years away.

Overall Rating
Below Mediocre

Pros
Can't think of any at the moment

Cons

 * Terrible grammar and spelling errors
 * Character's personalities are either too exaggerated (such as Vegeta in the beginning when he's fighting with Trunks) or are totally off.
 * Vegeta and Trunks shouldn't even be alive, or at least they'd be very, very old.
 * New super saiyan levels are spontaneously achieved.
 * Villains are revived for no apparent reason.
 * No story progression whatsoever

Overall Rating
Worst Possible

Pros

 * Expanding on something that has been “forgotten”

Cons

 * Story is too rushed
 * Quotations are not in their separate paragraphs. Not only is this incorrect formatting, but it makes conversations very confusing.
 * Cell shouldn’t know that he can regenerate, since he learned it when he fought Piccolo.
 * Cell wouldn’t give 18 “five seconds to run”.
 * 16 should've been undamaged when they uncovered him.
 * Future Trunks achieves Super Saiyan 2 a little too early, to me.
 * Dabura killing Babidi
 * Dabura should’ve thought Buu was useless at first.
 * Trunks wouldn’t go Majin.

Overall Rating
Mediocre

Pros

 * Excellent descriptions
 * Expansion on something that hasn’t been explained
 * Great story overall

Cons

 * The saiyan power level range should’ve been more of 1,000 – 20,000 instead of 10,000 – 30,000. Nappa at 4000 was considered very strong, and I would think Raditz was considered average. Clarified
 * Only the weaker saiyans surviving, although possible, is very unlikely.
 * The story requires an explanation section to clarify some points.
 * I don't like the transitions to drama-style writing.
 * It's nice how you shifted the point of views, but you should have more evenly spread the perspectives. We see a little too much of what Tien sees than the other two.

Overall Rating
Exceptional

Pros
No hard feelings, but the only real pro I can think of at the moment is that the grammar and spelling is better than those known for bad spelling/grammar.

Cons

 * Not much of an introduction
 * Goku and Ichigo go from being friendly to literally trying to kill each other.
 * Goku’s personality isn’t quite right, especially towards the end.
 * Goku should have stayed in base form. It doesn’t matter whether you wanted to show the SSJ transformations or not.  Even so, the time between each transformation is way too short.
 * Either Ichigo is way too strong, or Goku is way too weak.
 * Even if Goku and Ichigo were the same strong initially, SSJ transformations massively multiply power. If I am not mistaken, Ichigo’s transformations don't multiply his power that much.
 * The trivia section is not part of the story, and so only serves as something to throw out there to assure the readers that the author is aware of actual power differences.
 * Kaio-ken in super saiyan is just a no.
 * Wouldn't Goku just return with another Kamehameha with that final blast in the end?

Overall Rating
Below Mediocre

Pros

 * Focusing on the past of a character that has little detail in the main story
 * Excellent writing (although I do remember spotting one minor grammar mistake, not that it really matters)
 * Impressive for the first story of a newcomer.

Cons

 * The other monks were too brutal.

Overall Rating
Very Good – Exceptional

Pros

 * Interesting aspect of whatever happened to the evil of Buu
 * The usual: great story, good writing, etc.

Cons

 * Considering Uub is a reincarnation, I somehow feel that Kid Buu should've “vanished entirely” if you know what I mean (such as how Vegeta would have vanished from existence had he been killed while "dead"). In my perspective, Uub and Kid Buu are the same entity, just different mindsets at different times.  This is just an opinion.
 * I don’t think King Yemma would “do whatever Babidi would want,” especially when only requesting info.
 * Goku should’ve put up more of a fight, assuming he was at SSJ3.

Overall Rating
Exceptional

Pros

 * Nice first-person take on Kid Vegeta's perspective

Cons

 * Vegeta is a little OOC, i.e. the term "cooler."

Overall Rating
Very Good – Exceptional

Pros

 * Yajirobe needed some sort of expansion

Cons

 * His emotions are too animalistic in the first paragraph.
 * This looks to be a cross between a poem and a normal short story. I personally don't like that.

Overall Rating
Mediocre – Very Good

Overall Rating
Worst Possible

Pros

 * Exceptional artwork

Cons

 * Events open too suddenly.
 * The first blast from Rigor shouldn’t really surprise Vegeta in power as he himself could easily do the same.
 * Piccolo shouldn’t be alive.
 * I personally don't like the idea of Rigor being Vegeta’s brother.
 * Why would Separi sympathize with Rigor?
 * With a power born of 550,000, he is far stronger than Broly’s initial 10,000. Broly is the legendary super saiyan and officially holds the highest birth power level.
 * If Rigor was so powerful, he could have easily destroyed all the saiyans at the time. This is more or less a common sense issue.
 * I don’t know why they’re so shocked on page 5 of Chapter 2. It’s not like they haven’t seen it before.
 * Vegeta needs blutz waves to become SSJ4
 * 800 million is far too small of a number for SSJ4. According to Daizenshuu guides, SSJ2 = SSJ x2, and SSJ3= SSJ2 x4.  SSJ4 is probably at least double SSJ3, and SSJ 1 has a power level of around 150 million. So after it all adds up, SSJ4 should have a power level of at least 2.4 billion.
 * Why would Rigor know about Nemakians?
 * Why does Piccolo’s blast leave a small mark, while Vegeta’s blasts left none?
 * And why does Goten’s kick actually cause blood to leave Rigor’s mouth?
 * Why is Goten even shocked? If Vegeta can’t faze Rigor, then it should be obvious to Goten that his kick should do nothing.
 * So, Rigor knows about Namekians, but he knows nothing of the existence of other saiyans…
 * I’m surprised the scouter didn’t break by now.
 * I don’t understand why and how Piccolo’s, Goten’s, and Trunk’s attacks actually hurt Rigor, while SSJ4 Vegeta, who clearly outpowers them all, can’t even do anything.
 * Rigor=Terrible Gary Stu
 * Goku shouldn’t even be there, as per the end of GT.
 * Goku is so far away, and yet he is able to sense the split second of energy rise, while the others who are present cannot.
 * Why do they need senzu beans if they have Dende?
 * So now Vegeta is finally strong enough to hurt Rigor with just a punch
 * Shouldn’t Rigor be in outer space by Chapter 8, Page 11?
 * Super Saiyan 5 should have been sensed by the Z Fighters long ago, considering its power.
 * Shouldn’t Majuub be fine with a broken neck? And even if he isn’t Majuub, he should be.

Overall Rating
Below Mediocre

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