Bardock vs Frieza (DBA)

Bardock vs Frieza is the 1st movie of Dragon Ball Adventure and the 1st chapter overall.

Prologue


Narrator: This is the story of a warrior named Son Goku. But we're not going to talk about him yet. This story not exactly begins with Goku, before that, we should start from knowing about his race's origin and how it turned to be a rip-off of Superman's origins...

Movie
The next day at Planet D**k, Bardock's Planet Elite Force were eating the remains of the d**k people...

Fasha: You should choose a less grotesque planet to destroy next time.

Panpukkin: (Sobbing the scar on the cheek) Grrr, that bastard left my face all scratched.

Toteppo: You should lose a few extra pounds if you want to get out unscathed, mister "Fat Dude".

Bardock: ¿Are you goin' to start with your fat jokes, Toteppo?



Fasha: So boring as always, right Bardock?

Toma: Look at the good side, Bardock, at least we killed all of the-

A d**k person appears from under the debris...



D**k Man: I'm gonna kill you all! You're gonna pay for destroying my race! But first...

All: ¿?

D**k Man: Oh, I'm a goofy goober, yeah!

You're a goofy goober, yeah!

We're all goofy goo-!

Bardock kills him before he could end his song...

Bardock: Damn impersonator of cheap jokes! Only the Saiyans can be fanatics of Goofy Goober! Isn't that right?

Fasha: Do not remind me of the time you got drunk with Triple Gooberberry Sunrise in excess.

Flashback

Bardock: (Burp) Panppukin, that's just what i needed. I do not have to worry about Gine and Kakarot anymore.

Panppukin: Now you're talking! Hey, waiter! We need another one over here.

Waiter: (Handing Bardock and Toteppo one) There you go.

Bardock and Panppukin gleefully eat rapidly and get ice cream on the waiter...

Bardock: Waiter! Let's get another round over here.

Waiter: (Gives them two more.)

They eat them and get more ice cream on the waiter

Bardock: Oh, waiter. (Singsong) Waiter. (Slurring) Wai-toor.

Fasha: The only time that Bardock is happy and he is a moron, why don't we better go to exterminate a planet and come back for them later?

Toteppo: Good idea.

Panppukin: (Yelling angrily and pounding on the table. The bowls are stacked sideways) Waiter!

Waiter: (Puts a scoop of ice cream on a sundae) Why do I always get the nuts?

Bardock: (Up on stage holding a lollipop) All right, folks, this one goes out to my two bestest friends in the whole world: Panpukkin and this big peanut guy. It's a little ditty called...

Bardock and Panppukin: "Waiter!"

End Flashback

Bardock: Moments i don't want to remember.

Toma: How about your son, Kakarot?

Bardock: Do not mention that bastard, i don't want to have a weakling as my son.

Toteppo: Oh c'mon! What could possibly go wrong in going to see it even a little.

Bardock: I have already told ya, i'm NOT gonna...(Faints)

Fasha: Bardock!

Panppukin: ¿Is he dead? ¿Can i eat that d**k?

Toma: Go ahead.

''Panppukin makes munching noises as the screen goes black. Later, Bardock suddenly wakes up on a healing tank where he suddenly strarts having visions...''



Bardock: (Wh-¿What the? This has to be a joke, my son is keeping on fight?)

Bardock breaks the glass and runs to check his son...

Doctor: ¡Hey! ¡Wait!

Bardock: Let's see what kind of power level we've got here... ¡¿10.000.000?! Wow, Kakarot knows how to make his daddy proud of hi...wait...¡¿BROLY?! Sh*t, let's see, ¡¿2?! Dangit. I'd better start dealing with these stupid illusions before I get labeled as schizophrenic.

Meanwhile at Frieza's Spaceship...

Zarbon: Lord Frieza, we got news that a troop of Saiyans called "Bardock's Planet Elite Force" has just dominated another planet.

Frieza: Oh yeah? Heh, well, it seems that it's time to get rid of the competition. Dodoria, i want you to go and exterminate that bunch of monkeys, they must learn about their place.

Dodoria: As you wish, Lord Frieza.

Frieza: hehehe, soon, the galaxy and the whole universe are gonna be MINE.



Frieza: (Man, i want to see Cooler's face when he notices that i, Lord Frieza, has conquered and destroyed more planets than him.)

Meanwhile at Planet Vegeta...

Bardock slammed the doors of King Vegeta's castle...

Bardock: King Vegeta! King Vegeta!

King Vegeta: What? What happen? What is so important that you prolong the execution of this baby of insayajin force!

Bardock: It is an emergency! Recently i have illusions that seem to be visions! I'm telling you because I just saw Planet Vegeta being destroyed by a huge mass of energy.

King Vegeta: I'm sure it's the first thing you said, now get out.

Bardock: B-But...

King Vegeta: Security!

The Loyal Security grabs Bardock from both arms and takes him out of the castle...

Bardock: KING VEGETA! YOU MUST TRUST ME! THE WHOLE SAYAJINITY IS DOOMED!

King Vegeta: Yeah sure, and i am Scooby Doo.

Paragus tried to attack King Vegeta but he knocks him out...

King Vegeta: Saquen al padre del niño y a este junto al loco de inmediato.

Loyal Security: ¡Yes sir!

Outside the castle...

Bardock: (Rethousand f**k me! I better go find my friends.)

Back on Planet D**k...

Bardock: (WH-WHAT THE GODDAMN SHIT JUST HAPPENED?!...NO...YOU HAVE TO F**KING KIDDING ME!...)







Toma starts to move slowly in agony...

Bardock: Toma? What happened? How have done this to you?

Toma: It was...Frieza's...Force...

Bardock: WHAT!?

Toma: They want to...accomplish...Frieza's dream of...erradicate the whole Saiyan race...

Bardock: WHAT!?

Toma: You're our last hope, Bardock...(coughing) do it...for your wife...for us...for your son...for planet Vegeta...and most importantly...for the Goofy Goobers...

Bardock: (Trollface) WHAT!?

Toma: Goddammit Bardock!



Dodoria: Putting yourself to play knowing that your destiny is at stake, stupid Saiyan?

Bardock: What do you want from us?

Dodoria: We nothing, the one who wants to destroy them is Frieza, but as every evil leader is too lazy to deal with his enemies that puts all his hope in his troops.

Bardock: No wonder his henchmen are fat and stupid and masturbates all the time.

Dodoria: What did you say, monkey!?

Bardock y Dodoria starts fighting but Bardock defeats him, immediately he goes to take blood from Toma's corpse and but it on Toma's handkerchief...



Bardock: Please forgive me if i was a trolo, but now this is serious, i'll avenge you all even at all cost, no matter if i rather die or not.

Bardock puts the blood-covered handkerchief on his head and rapidly goes to Planet Vegeta, there, Bardock goes to the Goofy Goober's Ice Cream Party Rock to warn everyone about the situation...

Bardock: LISTEN TO ME! Planet Vegeta is in danger! Let's join forces and fight against him for our own good!

The Saiyans starts to laught at Bardock...

Saiyan: Hey, jackass. I got a movie for ya. "Dr. Dumb".

Saiyans: (To Bardock) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Bardock: YOU KNOW WHAT! GO F**K YOURSELVES! I'LL TAKE CARE OF FRIEZA ALL BY MYSELF!

Bardock leaves but not before lifting the middle finger...

While Bardock flies out from Planet Vegeta, he sees an Spaceship appear, inside that ship, he sees Goku who has been sent to Planet Earth...

Bardock: (Good luck, Kakarot, hope you'll get stronger, my dear son.)



Outside Planet Vegeta, Bardock is received by a horde of Frieza's soldiers but they are easily defeated by the solitary Bardock who manages to reach the ship to face the intergalactic tyrant...



Bardock: FRIEZA! COME ON AND FACE ME COWARD!

Frieza throws his poop at Bardock

Bardock: ¡AGH! WHAT THE LITERALLY SH*T HAPPENS TO YOU!

Frieza appears...

Freezer: Apologies, but i understood "come on and throw shit at me bro", how funny i am, right?

Crickets.mp3

Freezer: ...i hate you all...



Bardock: Hehehe...i have you right where i want you you damn rodent. You will pay to kill my friends and for...



Freezer: (*Sigh* Why always the hero has to make the cliché of "I'll kill you for killing my important being", seriously, this monotony of cinema is getting boring, you know? I bet Cooler has more original things than every Hollywood monkey, nah, I'm saying, he's a prick.) Excuse me, what were you on about before?

Bardock: THIS IS YOUR END, FRIEZA!

Bardock's Final Spirit Canon is thrown but unfortunatelly it failed...

Bardock: WHAT!?

Freezer: ¡HA HA HA HA HA HA!



Bardock's armor is starting to get destroyed, then, Bardock starts to have one last vision...



Bardock: Ka-karot...he...i see it...he's...he's going to fight Frieza!...he's gonna do it!...he's going to avenge our people!...Hehehe...



I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah...

You're a Goofy Goober, yeah...

We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah...

Goofy, goofy, goober, goober,



yeah...

Planet Vegeta explodes and Bardock along with most of Frieza's henchmens and most of the Saiyans dies, meanwhile near...

Salza: Lord Cooler! Come check this out! Your younger brother Frieza has destroyed an entire planet!

Cooler: ¿Frieza? Tsk, it's just one planet, i've destroyed 3 galaxies with that same attack.

Neiz: WHAT THE?! IS THAT A SAIYAN POD?!

Doore: Yeah! It is! Do we destroy it?

Cooler: No, let it go.

Salza: Why?



Cooler: Because imma prick.

Cooler's spaceship flies far away as Bardock's handkerchief appears flying in middle of space...

Vegeta: Is that true, Nappa?

Nappa: As you heard.

Vegeta: No...it can't be...my father...i could not say that i am sorry for having been a rebellious child who left the castle to stop listening to his scolding...

Nappa: Calm down, Vegeta, you have me, and i am sure that with me you will be able to recover what you lost with your father.

Vegeta: Shut up Nappa, is not the same thing if you're going to play my father's role...

Epilogue
Meanwhile on Planet Earth, Goku is found crying in the forest, the cries reached the ears of an old man who passed by...

Gohan: What's this? A child?



Gohan: What are you doing in middle of the forest? Did your parents abandoned you? You looks like an special kid, do you have a name?

Goku: ...

Gohan: It doesn't matter, you'll call yourself Goku, and you'll take my last name.

Goku smiles as a sign that he liked that name, then show sequences of the interaction between Goku and his grandfather in which Goku is seen being an aggressive child until he falls from a ravine and loses the memory of his mission, Goku started to be a good boy and to treat his grandfather well...



Narrator: And this is how the story of this crappy parody has begun.



Characters

 * Bardock (Debut - Death)
 * Panppukin (Debut - Death)
 * Toma (Debut - Death)
 * Fasha (Debut - Death)
 * Toteppo (Debut - Death)
 * Goku (Debut)
 * Frieza (Debut) (Antagonist)
 * Zarbon (Debut)
 * Dodoria (Debut)
 * Broly (Debut)
 * King Vegeta (Debut - Muerte)
 * Paragus (Debut)
 * Salza (Debut)
 * Doore (Debut)
 * Neiz (Debut)
 * Cooler (Debut)
 * Vegeta (Debut)
 * Nappa (Debut)
 * Grandpa Son Gohan (Debut)

Major Events

 * Dragon Ball Adventure begins.
 * Dragon Born Saga begins.
 * Debut of Bardock, Panppukin, Toma, Fasha, Toteppo, Goku, Frieza, Zarbon, Dodoria, Broly, King Vegeta, Paragus, Salza, Doore, Neiz, Cooler, Vegeta, Nappa and Grandpa Son Gohan.
 * Bardock, Panppukin, Toma, Fasha, Toteppo, most of Frieza's henchmens and most of Saiyans dies.
 * Debut of I'll Give You Romance.

Trivia

 * It is revealed that the Saiyans are fans of the Goofy Goober.
 * When the Saiyan guy says "Hey, jackass. I got a movie for ya. "Dr. Dumb"." he makes a game of words on Dr.Slump, another series make by Akira Toriyama.

Songs

 * Dare - Stan Bush
 * Goofy Goober Song - Eban Schletter, Stephen Hillenburg, Derek Drymon, Tim Hill, Kent Osborne, Paul Tibbitt, Aaron Springer
 * Touch - Stan Bush
 * I'll Give You Romance