User blog:KidVegeta/KidVegeta's reviews

"There is much talk, and I have listened, through rock and metal and time. Now I shall talk, and you shall listen."

These reviews are just my opinions. I do not claim to be better or worse than anyone else here. But that's not to say I won't be critical. That I won't be unforgiving. That I won't go out of my way to list 100 cons for your story in a heartbeat. I will, and gladly. Remember gents; I didn't give you an E-. You gave yourself an E- when you decided to sit down and post your atrocity for all of us to see. I'm simply here to call you out on it. So grab ahold of your mommies gents, this is gonna be one long ride.

RATINGS:

S (highest)

A

B

C

D

E (lowest)

Explanation of ratings:

Ratings B+ or lower are all bad. Sure there are degrees or terribleness, but they're still all terrible. Good, decent stories will be given an A-, A, or A+. Amazing stories will be given an S- or S. Perchance that there is ever a fan fic that I review that is, quite simply the cat's pajamas that will get an S+.

For now, I'm going to start with the featured fan fictions, as well as I few others I have read. But, I will review any and all stories that are requested. I'll list pros and cons right now, because otherwise it would be too long.

DRAGON BALL ST:
Pros:

Serroli

Length of Sagas are just right

True Super Saiyan Saga (the idea of Vegeta exploring Frieza's orgins was, quite simply, brilliant; however I would have liked for that to have been expanded upon)

Characters, are for the most part, consistent with their canon personalities

Overall, the villains are well thought out

Fights are well thought out, and entertaining

Style of writing is above average

Cons:

Lots of inconsistencies

SS5 & SS6 (I would have like these better if they were given better explainations in the story)

Return of Buu

Lack of buildup in story (ie... Uub's death)

Goku beating Vegeta (too predictable)

True Super Saiyan turning out to be Goku and Vegeta (split)

Goku using the spirit bomb... again

Overall rating: D-

THE ENERGY RIDER
Pros:

It has an unusual name

Cons:

Incredibly boring, I didn't even finish it

Overall rating: E-

GOHAN SON AND THE PRISONER OF AZKABAN
Pros:

Writing is solid

It's short

Cons:

Characters are inconsistent to their canon personalities

The premise is horrible

The actual story isn't any better

Overall rating: E-

DRAGON BALL ZZ
Pros:

There's nothing beyond SS3

Z fighters' dialogue seems right

Cons:

Unoriginal Story

Poorly thought out villains

Incredibly repetitive

What happened to androids 21 and 22?

Overall rating: E-

DRAGON BALL UNLEASHED
Pros:

Really reminds of original dragon ball

Cons:

Never explained why 17 was evil (who had turned good)

The concept of the golden star dragon ball

The story isn't really that developed (only three episodes... so why is it a featured fan fiction?)

Meh writing.

Overall rating: E-

DRAGON BALL NS
Pros:

The idea of Ascended SS3 (something I myself have considered before, and may use)

Tsufu is a decent enemy

Cons:

Xorcai's Saga shouldn't have a nine year gap within it

Continued god-like powers of Goku; it makes the others look like their unneeded, because ultimately, they were (although I admit DBZ had this problem too)

Tournament Saga is too similar to the one in DBZ

Explanation of Xorcai's survival was outragous

The ungranted wish idea felt lacking

Terrible writing and grammar.

Overall rating: E-

DRAGON BALL GT: KING PROTON
Pros:

The artwork isn't all that bad

Cons:

There's no story here... I don't know why it's featured

Overall rating: E-

DRAGON BALL XT
Pros:

Android Z was decent

Tournament idea wasn't as bad as I thought it would be

Bardock ('nuff said)

Cons:

I don't like that the already defeated villains were used again

SS5

Character Daniel isn't developed enough

Vegeta is out of character

Overall rating: E-

DRAGON BALL VN
Pros:

I never thought I would say this, but Bardock is one of the few who I could see acheiving SS3. I actually like how it turned out.

Solid Story

Solid writing

Cons:

Vegeta getting defeated by Bardock. I'm really getting tired of everyone making Vegeta weaker than he really is.

I don't like that you said Vegeta met Bardock as a child.

Overall rating: E+

DRAGON BALL VT
Pros:

Goku didn't go Super Saiyan 5 first.

First Saga with Frieza has potential to become something good.

I like the amount of buildup. Lots of good backstory.

Goku didn't beat Vegeta in their fight, but it was still close.

While sometimes inconsistent, this story reminds a lot of "dragon ball z". Dare I say I would like to see this get made (With the errors below fixed)?

The actual story is very long, with a bit of fixing up, it could be very good.

Yuukoi is decent

Cons:

Vegeta wouldn't agree to go to snake way, especially coming from Goku. I think it would be better for someone else to have been "sent" so to speak. Maybe even goten and trunks?

Otherwould tournament should use different characters than were used in the last one.

I really don't like Frieza acting so good, or that anybody actually trusted him. It should be less forced.

Writing style is somewhat hard to understand.

Dialogue could use improvement.

Super Human Form

There's too much reliance on senzu beans.

Overall Rating: E-

DRAGON BALL DA
Pros:

The Yajirobe scene was hilarious.

The story is unique (I'm not sure if I like it, but it's unique, nonetheless)

Remnants of Frieza Army was very well done, I wish you would have expanded, though.

King Cold's fight was well done.

Cell vs. 13

Fights are very descriptive, I like that.

Cons:

There needs to be a better introduction, or a description of the setting, it's too confusing as is.

Dialogue is inconsistent. Sometimes it's good (the above mentioned Yajirobe scene), sometimes it's bad (Bulma pleading with Vegeta to not destroy Capsule Corp).

Chaitzu taking the wish was very predictable. I would rather have Vegeta's wish be granted, and the repercussions be answered over time.

Gravity training goes too high, too fast. I understand Vegeta is Super Saiyan, but there comes a point, where strength or not, the body can't handle the gravity. And I think 500 is too high, for just super saiyan 1.

I wish some people would actually die. A lot of battles end with "X character was just barely alive"

Cell sagas were too similar to DBZ. If wanted something like that, I would rather watch the original

SS2 Trunks

I'll be honest, I wasn't fond of really any of the story, starting with Cell. But I really liked the story up to that point.

Overall rating: E-

DRAGON BALL SA
pros

Decent spelling and formatting

Krillin gets killed again

The plots would be decent, had there not been so much confusion...

cons

no buildup, and very little detail

no descriptions of fights

Only Goku surviving Buu

sagas are too short

It's very hard to understand what's going on

the tien and chaiotzu story was kinda random, so I'm not sure of its purpose...

LawlEcos' name is weird, and I'm not sure it's good

LawlEcos's random entrance

The sagas seem to be in the wrong order, causing much confusion

making the dragon balls a constant crutch

100 trillion times gravity

Shu, everything about him

Goku LSS and the various rises in LSS

King Vegeta/Bardock fiasco

Overall Rating: E-

question: why are they called the SA fighters?

DRAGONBALL GH
pros

writing style and formatting is decent

Fights are descriptive

Characters are, for the most part, in character

Not too many fanon characters (yet). I like that.

cons

the formatting of dialogue and writing is very hard to understand. I suggest breaking it up into a new paragraph every time someon speaks, or at least make it a new line.

Pan beating Krillin; this would simply not happen

Trunks beats Goten in the tourney again; I would rather have something different happen than what happened in, you know, the actual show...

Super Saiyan transformations are taken too lightly here; ss2 for trunks and ss3 for Gohan. These forms just can't be handed out like candy, there needs to a really good reason for them to reach these levels, not just 'Oh I trained for a while.'

Why was Raditz a super saiyan? Why being a single ss1 was he more powerful than everyone else? Why was he not dead?

Vegeta would not train Gohan

What is chan, a namek? It's never said anywhere besides the title... If so, I think he could use some backstory in the future.

What is the point to everything happening? It seems there should be a purpose...

Overall Rating: E-

DRAGON BALL IP
pros Goten and Trunk's dialogue play is brilliant

The amount of detail in thought here is really great; I especially like Piccolo's immediate reasoning to kill Dende.

Tao as a villain is creative, though I'm unsure as to why he's even alive.

Character's remain in their canon personality 99% of the time. This allows for (me at least) to picture it in my head. It also allows for a good amount of DB realism to be in this story.

Fights are not cliched, and remain interesting.

Yajirobe kills Frieza

writing and grammar is perhaps the best on this site

various bits of text are subtlely hilarious. This is great.

Yajirobe kills Tao. Surprising, yet gratifying.

cons

dialogue between Frieza and Krillin is off a bit during the pendulum room encounter.

The killing of trunks and goten is really far too grotesque, considering their age. This is not appropriate at all.

Krillin is too cheerful in his killing off of Dende. I think he would've refused to even if Piccolo threatened his life.

Goku's and Vegeta's dialogue in chapter 7 is out of character. Particularily Goku, who is speaking too eloquently for his normal personality.

Broly was not stronger than Goku or Vegeta after the Buu saga; Vegeta couldn't have been killed in chapter 7 from his attack.

Don't like the Yamcha demon thingy.

Mega human, all about it.

The reason for not using the namekian dragon balls is heavily forced and illogical. Because both Goku and Vegeta had used a spaceship earlier in the show to leave earth, so suddenly not being able to use such a device only hours later is not good. Not to mention, Dr. Brief would surely be able to make an illegal space ship to take them to namek later upon learning of the saiyans deaths.

Overall Rating: A-

DRAGON BALL: THE MROVIAN TRILOGY
pros

Very good, and very descriptive fight scenes. I also liked that you link to every attack that they use, when they use them.

Clever namings for the Nitro soldiers.

The plot itself is generally creative, though I draw parallels between it and my own.

I like the sense of scale with the battles, particularily the second one.

Nitro really reminds me of Malak from KOTOR. That's a good thing.

Overall, I'm really looking forward to how this ff shapes up.

cons

Cooler isn't considered canon.

I'm not quite sure how the Nitro soldier knew of Trunks' killing of Cold and Frieza.

Personal taste, but I don't like the saiyan names "Cuber" and "Chaiva". The other three are good, though.

The introduction of characters is confusing, and could use a little bit of better explaining; as is their deaths. Ocra and Artachoc are too underdeveloped because of this.

Dialogue is a bit bland/awkward.

Don't know why Nitro needed to escape from his ship; his power shouldv'e been enough to protect it... unless he didn't want to?

Overall Rating: A

DRAGON BALL: AW
pros

The setup is well organized; with the ME page, as well as having themes.

Like the way you include pics.

The concept of using Future Gohan is pretty original

cons

Begins too abruptly. I understand that you want to start it immediately in the fight, but there needs to be some kind of structure for the reader. Check out Dragon Ball Z: In Requiem to see how I tackle this issue.

Sometimes wording is hard to understand, but I realize that English is not your native language.

Don't understand why future Gohan slapped his present day self.

Not updated often.

Overall Rating: E-

DRAGON BALL Z: FUTURISTIC TALES
pros

Love your little quasi-prose thing at the top, which is similar to the one that I put on every one of my TF stories (the idea, I got from the writer of Death Note who put one of those little stories in the front of each of his manga volumes)

It was slightly interesting to have Dabura kill Babidi this time, instead of the other way around

cons

It's really hard to understand what's going on

How did Future Cell get out of Hell?

Cell would need more than 2 seconds to power up a spirit bomb

Don't like the theme songs

Each chapter could use being a little bit longer

Overall Rating: E-

DRAGON BALL: ULTRA BLAST
pros

(yeah, right)

cons

Horrible spelling and grammar.

Incomprehensible story.

Fanon characters have no backstory.

Fanon characters supposedly saiyans, yet do not have Saiyan names.

In addition, they also can go to ss+ for no reason at all. This is just horrible.

I hate this story.

only Broly should be LSS.

Frieza was dead, so there's no way they could've fought him.

Power levels are not what canon states they should be.

Broly was dead too.

SS X.

No plot.

No concepts of time.

Broly is randomly a majin.

Dark versions of self...

Self righteous writing (ie: epic conclusion)

There's no way every episode is an hour long.

There is no structure; only 1 episode name is shown.

Apparently there's a movie too about all the jrs. Luckily the author seemed to have forgotten it.

Like I've said before, there's no concept of length. Judging by the sagas listed at the bottom of the page, some of the sagas are like 1 run-on sentence long.

There's no Krillin.

Overall Rating: E-

DRAGONBALL V
pros

It's about Kid Vegeta

cons

Written by supersaiyian11.

Premise of story.

Canon screw ups.

Using my picture (which DD reuploaded)

Terrible spelling.

Terrible grammar.

Terrible Plot expansion.

Descriptions of events seemed to be written by a drunk.

Vegeta would be 5 here, not a baby. I think he knows his own name.

Random old man (grandpa gohan) is a stupid inclusion.

Vegeta wouldn't spend all day crawling to his ship again...

The identity crisis.

If this "The saiyans are a proud warrior race. They go around the universe and destroy all living things a planet." is all you got out of watching dragon ball, then there is no hope.

Master Roshi's third person speech.

Fight with Roshi was anything but "epic".

If Vegeta could kill roshi in 2 seconds, it would not take 5 months to kill everyone else.

Why's Piccolo talking in third person now?

How the hell did a jar even get on the beach?

Even if it did, why would Vegeta find it?

And more importantly why did he open it?

And even after opening it, why did Vegeta immediately shoot a blast at the creature inside?

Shouldn't his curiosity... you know be consistent?

I'll tell you why. Because it's a horrible story. The worst ever. Thank god that it's so short because otherwise, I'd be ripping out my eyes by about now.

Overall Rating: E-

DRAGON BALL MULTIVERSE:THE ORIGIN OF NAMEKO!!!
pros

Great usage of templates.

cons

Apparently based on another story "Multiverse", of which there is no link to. That causes confusion for me.

Horrible, horrible spelling tendancies.

Terrible grammar, too.

The Guru kumbaya fusion thing.

Is nameko all of them combined? You never do say (in english at least)

Lame fights.

No backstory.

No buildup.

Nameko on earth? Why? (and how!)

Cell is OOC.

Put. Spaces. Between. Sentences.

... Cell can survive in space.

Cell clone... wtf.

... Cell is stronger than Frieza.

Super Saiyan Nameko... I didn't think it was possible to introduce yet another predictably cliche super saiyan. 'Specially with, you know, him being a Namekian.

You're using other people's pics again. Stop that.

... is this in Future Trunks' timeline? Otherwise the Z fighters shouldn't be dead. And even if it was, Nameko should've been fighting 17 and 18 instead of cell. So I really detest the canon conflictions.

Buu saga thing is too close to the manga/anime. Which I'd rather watch, btw.

Gohan being killed by Dabura was mega lame, man.

Oh, wonderful. Goku's the only one that matters (again).

What happened to Nameko during the buu saga thing? You seem to have forgotten your main character.

Oh, Nameko was there the whole time, but you never said so. That's terrible. Absolutely horrid.

Janemba. Laaaaaaaaaaaaame.

Terrible, terrible fights. Have I mentioned that before?

Buu is OOC.

Hell, they're all OOC.

Majin Fusion. 'nuff said.

Cliched and ripped off janembuu fight.

Overall Rating: E-

BARDOCK:SURVIVOR
pros

It's about Bardock; the most properly rated character in all of DB.

I think my cons list is longer than the actual story.

cons

The Spelling.

The Grammar.

The inability to convey anything of substance.

Bardock did die... or haven't you seen his special? Anyways even if you make an alternate timeline where he did survive, I'd appreciate an explanation.

Saiyans can breathe in space. Therefore, he would not pass out just if he was in space. If you mean that Saiyans can't breathe in space, then he would've died, not slipped into a coma.

So he drifted for twelve years... but to where? And how did he get there?

Bardock didn't know Goku was on earth.

Bardock's dialogue is OOC. He didn't care about Kakarot, and even when he died (and he fondness for his son grew a bit) he wasn't a pussy crybaby.

"IMA! I WISH I COULD EXPRESS MY LOVE TO YOU! FREEZA IS WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

- Some horrible OOC

... yeah. That pretty much sums up the fic.

Overall Rating: E-

REDACTED
pros

The premise of this story is quite refreshing. Compared to all the other 'after GT, poorly written ssX+', I am very happy that this is so original.

The oh so glorious themes.

Proper censoring.

Good range of stories.

The Frieza and Cooler "flashback" is probably the single greatest piece of literature on this site. Everything about it is just so awesome.

The good amount of variations in stories was going to be even greater, if the story wasn't deleted.

The potential of BulmaXOld Kai. Oh yes.

cons

Sonikfan112 deleted it.

Overall Rating: none

DRAGON BALL: PGT
pros

Fights are nicely articulated.

Story is original.

The use of footnotes I like.

cons

The beginning timeline of this is very cliched.

The dialogue is shoddy and very OOC.

The existance of Broly Jr. is very weird to me; I don't see Broly as someone who would have "relations", if that makes sense. IMO it's OOC that he even exists.

Formatting of paragraphs is off. For instance, you need to create a new paragraph whene'er someone new speaks.

Broly Jr.'s character is very bland and fanboyish.

Broly Jr. as an unexplained Super Saiyan. I realize he is the son of the "Legendary Super Saiyan", but I personally do not view Broly as the LSS.

The constant shift between past and present tense. Pick one and stay with it.

Broly Jr. being a clone, and the manner by with he was "created". Illogical, impractical, and of course, unoriginal.

I don't like the manner in which backstory is presented. It is actually more confusing than not explaining it at all.

Again, Broly Jr. having the "LSS" transformation. I don't agree with this. At. All.

Episodes are very short, and could not fit into a 30 minute block.

Very little buildup and character development. Broly Jr. is turning into a horrible Gary Stu, too.

I don't see why Broly Jr. would be looking for other Saiyans. Seems like a forced plot point.

The entire concept of the girl Broly thing is bad.

Even though you created Brolia, she's OOC. I can just tell.

The culture of the brolina planet is too close to that of earth.

"Original" Broly dream. Everything 'bout it.

Overall, I find this story while unique, quite boring and hard to follow.

Overall Rating: E-

DRAGON BALL GT PART 2
pros

No, you don't deserve any.

cons

Lame saga names

Incredibly poor grammar.

No formatting abilities.

Story is absolutely horrid.

Big "what the fuck" moment at shenron trying to get Goku to drink his blood.

Even bigger wtf moment when Goku became part dragon. I'm assuming this author has no idea how stuff works...

This story is obviously non-canon to the DB universe, but I'm thinking it's also non-canon to the real universe.

Lame, really lame dialogue.

By the way: Dragons. Don't. Age.

Now onto the second chapter... it has nothing to do with anything. It serves absolutely no purpose.

Terrible spelling.

Lame that tien has a kid. 'specially its name.

Drago the invincible is a horribly boring name.

Stupid plot, especially the possession of Vegeta.

Tien's sister is really far too powerful. You have to remember that he wasn't all that powerful until DBZ, in which he prolly peaked at a few million PL. 100 kamekaze ghosts could easily kill someone of that power.

Oh but then a souped up destructo disk kills her. Very inconsistent.

Everything about this story is wrong.

Gohan SS3. He stopped training after Z. If anything he became weaker in that time.

Great tournament. Specially all the detail of the fights.

BS power levels.

There are no "Dragon lords". Instead, there are Kais. Check up on that, bro.

Goku breathing fire... need I explain to you why this is crap?

You make villains far too strong.

Lame names of new attacks. Specially that Super deadly tri beam of death thingy. Come on, really?

Super. Saiyan. Five.

Gotenks can't just "become" a great ape. You need blutz waves, man. Lame.

Pan/Krillin fusion is terrible.

The new dragon balls are too convenient.

Villains unite saga has been done thousands of times before. Needless to say, it's a terrible idea every time.

How do the Z fighters know Goku is on that nogard?

And why the random wish for Broly to fight him?

Okay, let's get something straight. Broly was, at max power, about as strong as a super saiyan 2, maybe a little stronger. There was really no way for him to have gained any power in other world, especially that of ss4 (which again, requires a MOON). Broly would be no match for Goku then, and there's no way he would've killed "25 dragons".

Oh great, another spirit bomb. Why bother training and maxing Goku's power, when all your gonna use is the lifeforce of... everyone else? Really lame recoloring.

Drago eating Broly. My god... there's nothing even slightly okay in this story.

Super Tien 2, or whatever it is. So stupid.

Piccolo is OOC.

But really, they all are, so that's nothing specical.

Pan super saiyan 2.

Calbura? Because everyone knows how to fusion dance, right? That's really nice.

Lame-o Calbura speech, ripped off from Goku's and Vegeta's fusion.

Pahan fusion. Stop with the fusions, already. They're about as cheap as things get. It's basically a "oh no one can defeat anyone so let's all combine powers." Because that's what I'm looking for in a story, yeah right.

Buu is OOC. Goddamn is it that hard to follow how people talk in the real show? I mean seriously, no one seems to be able to do it.

Tien and Uub now fuse. Simply pathetic.

Lame-o redo of the kid buu spirit bomb struggle, only with Tiub.

Stupid fusion name, too.

Every single saga ends with "and then they wish everyone back to life." Terrible, terrible. This also removes any sort of meaning that deaths have, when you know they'll just be wished back at the end of the saga.

Stupid new character, chili. God-awful name, too.

Chili wouldn't have known how to summon the dragon.

Why is drago now the dragon of namek? Very stupid, imo.

That dragon splitting into 7 dragons. So... ****ing stupid.

Hell, this whole story is a piece of crap. I can't believe I actually read it. Final rating below.

Overall Rating: E-

DRAGON BALL: THE REMEMBERED COLDIANS
pros n/a

cons

The spelling.

The grammar.

The names of each character and race (Ice, Snow, Winter, etc...) is lame.

Abruptness of story.

They wouldn't know about the Changeling 5th form. And also wouldn't call it "Cooler's 5th form", as this is not a form only possible for Cooler. Also, timelinewise, I don't think Cooler would have had his fifth form yet.

They also wouldn't be able to transform to it.

The shooting lava thingy.

Chapter length isn't enough to fill a 30 minute bloc.

Sparing that snow kid wouldn't have happened.

Dialogue is among the worst I have ever seen.

The training of 100 pushups/situps is barely anything. Your power would not go up more than a few points a day by that method. And yes, even at 30x.

No buildup in story.

The chapter titles are boring.

Why didn't the other kid help the main one when he fought Hot the first time?

The Changelings wouldn't know Destructo Disks.

Hot turning into lava... wtf.

"You see we warmians are not only living fire but also living lava. For lava is like liquid fire. Both are red and can easily kill people. They can also both be caused or happen at random times."

- wtf dialogue

Seriously, what is that?

Forgetting how to dodge attacks... seriously, and they're supposed to by 5th form changelings.

The ultimate plan, quasi spirit bomb thingy. Bah.

Killing all the other changelings by using the spirit bomb.

The snow guy getting all sad, and then forgetting about it all when his (brother?) tells him they were cowards.

The entirety of the (so far) posted namekian saga is extremely NCF. First off, Frieza's ship was destroyed. Secondly, all his minions wre killed. Thirdly, they wouldn't have known about a "super saiyan". Fourthly, how would Snow and Winter even know about Frieza? And why would they even care? Aren't the stronger than him? Isn't he just a weakling?

Also, the relocating of the nameks was unknown to Frieza, so there's no way they'd have known.

Should also note here, that the name of the story is completely unrelated to anything.

Overall Rating: E-

(KV note: The rating for this story is also the "oppisite" of The Forgotten)

SPECIAL (LEGACIES EPISODE)
pros

The writing style is quite good, though sometimes it does get kind of awkward.

Being about Tien’s origins is pretty unique and interesting.

Kortar is an interesting character choice.

Tien’s mother/father bit was pretty good. Kinda reminded me of a story in the latter part of the series Monster where an older couple wins the lottery and doesn’t know what to do.

cons

It’s far too short. I’d say only about 1/3 or ½ as long as it should be. This also leads to Kortar kinda being a useless character to introduce unless you’re gonna write Tien: Origins again (with him still in it).

Overall Rating: A

DRAGON BALL SV
pros

One of these writers is now banned forever; and the others aren't active anymore.

cons

Don't like the names of each saga.

The blue star dragon balls have no backstory. I have no idea what they are at all, why they are there, and why everyone (in the story) seems to not find this strange at all. Also, how are they different from normal dragon balls?

Shenron is OOC! Wonderful!

K, the xbox wish is completely idiotic.

Horrible formatting.

In addition the the other problems, everything is too abrupt. Goten and Trunks are playing xbox and literally in the next sentence a tourney begins. For no reason. Needs moar splainin'. Seriosly.

"The first match was Pan with the Blue Dragon Ball vs. Yamcha"... What does this even mean? She's just carrying the balls with her? Even so, why would this be noteworthy? Don't they turn to stone after the wish?

As much garbage as Yamcha is, he would never kill Pan, nor mistakenly kill her. I'm sure he would be careful around her.

How can Pan be revived with the blue star balls immediately after she dies? Didn't they just wish for an xbox?

Everything going on is completely incomprehensible.

Goku is OOC as well as nonsensical.

Okay, so the first chapter ends mid-tourney. The next chapter begins. There is no continuation of this tourney, nor even mention of it. Why the heck would you even write a tourney in the beginning if you're not even going to give it any meaning?

Now, seeing all this, there really isn't any kind of story either.

Very poor grammar.

Every other sentence starting with suddenly.

This all seems to be written by a drunkard. Honestly.

Every chapter is way too short. A single paragraph. No way this could fill a 30 minute bloc.

The introduction of the new namekian Luqwer is incredibly bad. But it's not an exception to this story.

Okay, so now Vegeta knows all about the blue star dragon balls... why and how? Without any explanation, this is terribly written.

The concept that the blue star balls can grant infinite wishes with no "cooldown" time is pathetic. So. Horrible. I mean why even have a story when you can just wish for everything you want to happen? I can't see anything bad happening ever again therefore, and that bores me greatly.

The last sentence of chapter 2 implies that the tourney is still going on; however this is very hard to follow. Its all like "suddenly this happened" and I have no idea why.

K, so if this is the same tourney (on earth) then neither Tora nor Appule would be alive, nor there. Nor would Bardock nor any of the other dead Saiyans. Seriously, if you watch Dragon Ball it's pretty easy to see who is alive and who is dead.

Tora's power level was not 10,000-25,000. It was like 5,000 tops. Remeber, Bardock was the 3rd strongest saiyan behind King and Prince Vegeta and his power level was only 10,000ish. Tora was much weaker than that.

That said, Appule was not stronger than tora. His power level was maybe 300. And thats a big maybe.

Bardock becoming a super saiyan is completely ridiculous. He was much more angry in his special and didn't turn super saiyan there. Theres no reason why he would here.

And oh great the blue star dragon balls are an infinite crutch as I thought. Who cares when someone dies? You'll just wish them back infinitely and immediately anyways.

I am sure that most scouters can not read up to 2 million power level. Specially those owned by low class soldiers like Appule.

Now that Bardock is a Super Saiyan one punch would easily kill an enemy weaker than (even) Raditz.

Bardock isn't a "puse" and he wouldn't go and hug Tora.

How is the final match krillin vs goten? Neither has been shown fighting thusfar. And other members such as Goku, Vegeta, Bardock haven't been shown to be defeated. This is dreadful.

Goten. Isn't. A. Super. Saiyan. 2.

How does the announcer have a blue star dragon ball? You last said that Bulma had them all.

Seriously wtf to this all.

And who are Dark Buu and Red Buu. Aside from having no backstory and horribly cliched names... Buu is dead. I know, big shocker there but he is.

So saiyan that, this makes the story incredibly non-canon and totally incomprehensible.

The Z fighters don't need an airplane to travel to Kami's lookout. You know they can just... fly, right?

You did not give any backinfo on this new planet Vegeta. It can't just exist without backstory.

Say who Maya's and Telia's parents are. It's not something that can just be assumed.

Blue shenron? Who the hell is that?

Bohan is a garbage name.

He also has no backstory.

Who is Disdana? You never said who she was born to.

Elder Kai wouldn't be with the Z fighters.

Blue Trophy? Explain these things man.

Pitiful attempts at humor (dark buu apparently stole Bulma's cookies)

Okay, one of the buu's kills Bulma and Trunks powers up. And then what? They all run and hide in the house? First off, neither Vegeta, Goku, nor trunks would do that. So that's some more OOC. Secondly, Buu could just destroy the house anyways. And also, Launch should not be with them.

M'kay so now after they all hid like cowards in the house, Trunks decides to come out, and no one tries to stop or help him? Like hell that would happen. At the very least Goten would go as well. Goku and Vegeta would prolly also go as well.

Vegeta would not "decide" to fuse with anyone, least of which Gohan.

Lame-ass naming for his fusion, too.

I don't care that Launch was carrying lots of water.

Why the heck did the buus turn into immortal statues? What purpose did that serve?

What will Vegithan do?

No descriptions of fights.

Why would the buus allow vegeta and gohan to o back into the house? And why would they?

More importantly... why is Goku not fighting at all but just wandering in the house?

owait there he is. Yep, Goku just kills them. No explanation. No fight. No powering up or anything. Just Gary Stus... Gary Stus everywhere.

Also should mention that there is no way that goku is stronger than the vegeta/gohan fusion.

Suddenly Goku sees Pan. Lawdy, that's important.

The random details that are so stupid. Like I dont care that Launch ate some food; or that Chi Chi was even making food. I want to see fights and character development. Not stupid trivialities.

Tien training with Goku could've have been good, had tien not seen Chaoitzu and Launch chatting in the bathroom. Because then, you know, suddenly Tien and Launch were in the bedroom.

Goddamn it all.

Bringing Raditz back, the way you did it was horrible. So ****ing cliched and forced.

Who is Teko? Give some backstory for once would ya? Besides, Raditz power level of 1200 wouldn't beat anyone, 'cept Appule. Goku could do it himself anyways.

How did Chi Chi know that Raditz had to eat?

Should also mention that Goten doesn't study; even if Gohan did.

Why does everyone go to the bathroom to talk with launch. Seriously what is wrong with you?

After the buus were defeated by a one-sentence Goku, why is everyone staying at the lookout? It's like they get there and immediately start acting like they've lived there forever.

Raditz isn't a super saiyan. You saying so doesn't make it true.

Launch makes a decoration. If I had a fridge...

Random fights like the one with Teko have no meaning. What is their purpose and how do they continue the story? Answer: they have no purpose. It's just a collection of ****ty, random thoughts.

How did Hatchiyack get to new planet vegeta?

Bardock Super Saiyan 2, with no explanation.

K, if they've got a new planet vegeta why are Bardock and Co. going back to heaven?

What's up with all these random births? Lala is so unneeded.

By this time, they all know about the blue star dragon balls; as several of them have even asked for wishes.

Saying the blue balls (lol) can only grant 1-8 wishes is contradictory to the entire story up to this point.

And they go away.

Bohan tricks Gohan? Why? Where? (and how?)

How does Pan meet her granddaughter. I thought she was only like 10 at this time. Unless I (understandbly) missed some rapid aging.

Stupid random dialogues. Vegeta's, "There's Kakarot" has nothing to do with anything. I'd rather you not say anything at all then just spew out pointless drivel.

K, who's Teke? Is it really that hard to give these guys some backstory... or at the very least an introduction?

Pro tip: Shenron grants wishes, he doesn't "need" them.

Random power up of master roshi is just plain stupid.

Neither Goku nor Vegeta have the potara earings to just "spot o' the moment" fuse into Vegito. Nor would they want to.

No way Vegito would train with Roshi. That wouldn't work for either of them.

Vegito can't just defuse. Check up on what the potara earings are.

Oh great another tournament. Can you seriously write for anything else?

Bardock and such come back again; I think this'll prolly just start the whole story over again.

Pikkon doesn't know the kamehameha. Nor would he use it if he did.

Pikkon is way more powerful than Raditz. No way he'd lose to a being with a 1200pl.

Stupid Bardock-cheering-on-dialogue-thingy. Pretty sure Tora knows that he should look at his opponent.

K who is Isada? And why isnt it Piccolo vs Raditz (since piccolo never lost in that tourney). Why didn't Vegeta/Goku/other Z Fighters take place in the tourney? All are cons.

Raditz winning the entire tourney is so lame. Fanboyism to the extreme, I think.

Another Buu is just so fucking stupid. Sorry, but that is absolutely pathetic. We already had the red buu and the other one. Why can't you make up some original villains for ****'s sake?

Sukicrazy Buu is a garbage name, quite honestly.

Why did Raditz randomly attack Piccolo?

The whole family kamehameha bullshit was ridiculously recolored and cliched. I really have no idea what the hell you watched as a reference to this story but it wasn't DBZ. A SS1 can't beat Buu, nor would everyone just be around watching.

Sukicrazy Buu's personality is non-existant as is much of his fight. To be honest, the enemy could be anyone cuz you dont explain anything at all. Cept for random stuff like...

Pan Jr. was playing with the bags.

Trunks was hugging Bulma.

Goku and Vegeta leaving is too similar to what happens in the actual show. Which I'd much rather be watching right now, btw.

Why the hell did the half-assed party leave earth? It should be either none or all of them.

Absolute garbage too, that you don't explain why the random members leave. Nor do you explain why Bardock or his guys are still alive. They should go back to heaven like last time.

This is the worst fic I have ever read, ever. This includes those dreadful translated Halo ones on ff.net. I am seriously glad that none of you are active users anymore because our wiki already has enough crap as it is.

Overall Rating: E--

DRAGON BALL AP
Pros

Some plot twists were unexpected.

The story is somewhat unique.

Cons

No Pan or Bulla makes this non-canon to DBZ.

Story starts too abruptly. There needs some proper intros.

Vegeta is OOC.

This includes him training with Piccolo, something which he would never do. In addition his dialogue is way, way off.

Lots o’ writing is awkward.

Spelling is poor, on occasion.

The new Saiyan or whatever he is shouldn’t look like Goku. And he shouldn’t be wearing a gi like Goku.

I dislike the dialogue, a lot. Not just the OOC stuff, but all of it.

Keeko killing Piccolo was just bollocks. I dunno why he would want to wish Piccolo back later, anyways.

First off, Broly didn’t know about Keeko, and I don’t think he would ever cower in his name. Broly’s just insane that way.

Keeko shouldn’t know about the Dragon Balls.

I don’t like the name, Universal Super Saiyan for several reasons; not least of which it sounds ‘orrible. Also sounds like a navy vessel (ie: USS Keeko).

The reasoning for Vegeta not knowing about Keeko is stupid. I mean, you honestly want to tell me that Broly is more important than the prince of all Saiyans? Yeah, good luck with that.

Keeko is way too powerful. As a simple Saiyan, his base form should not be stronger than ss3, nor even ss1. Remember ss3is 400X times base form. And yeah, I don’t think Keeko is 400 times stronger than Vegeta.

Goku shouldn’t have already known about the USS.

Keeko being the leader of the Planet Trade Organization contradicts practically everything. And no way would Frieza be his servant.

He also couldn’t have trained the original super Saiyan as that took place over 1000 years ago. Don’t tell me he’s that old.

In addition, giving the energy to Bibidi to create Majin Buu is absolutely ridiculous. Keeko and Buu surely would have fought sometime if this were the case, and by what has been stated so far Keeko surely would have one. So yeah, this story contradicts practically everything ever established in the DB universe.

Keeko’s dialogue is incomprehensible. Gohan SS3. You gotta remember that his adult form is much weaker than his teen form. There’s no way then that he could have been a SS3.

If goku and vegeta can go SS4 then GT must have happened in your story. This means that Goku wouldn’t be here and Piccolo would have already been dead.

Fight scenes are confusing.

Keeko knowing instant transmission is just idiotic.

SS4 Gogeta beating Keeko was too expected.

“Hey Goten, remember how your dad got his tail pulled out and it made him stronger?” No, that did not happen. Goku got weaker because his tail was removed. The same thing happened to Vegeta when Yajirobe cut his off in the Saiyan Saga.

Trunks and Goten’s tails were removed at birth. They don’t have them anymore.

And as I’ve mentioned before, simply removing the tail will not make anyone stronger, but in fact much weaker.

Goten and Trunks should also not be able to become SS2 after that happened.

What are Vegeta/Goku/everyone else all worried about? Didn’t they kill Keeko already?

Bio-Cell. Ugh.

Bio-Cell can’t just power up to semi-perfect state. He needs to absorb one of the androids first.

I really don’t see how Bio-Cell would be so much more powerful than regular Cell, while still in his imperfect forms.

And no way Goten and/or Trunks (even enraged) would be stronger than their dads.

The both of them being SS3 is really a bad idea.

I don’t see how Roshi could, legitimately, teach Gotenks anything. I’m just saiyan…

Sipher… wtf…?

He’s just a random Saiyan who is as powerful as anyone? And can go super Saiyan? I really don’t like that.

Super Saiyan 5.

There is far too much reliance on fusions.

Vegeta doesn’t know instant transmission.

I don’t like that Keeko has all these Saiyans with him. How did they survive Frieza? More importantly how did they get so powerful?

Goku is OOC. Very much so.

The new Saiyan taking over vegeta is too much like baby’s take over of him in GT. Use a different person.

Ezara shouldn’t be able to use instant transmission.

How could Keeko possibly send a message to the Z fighters if he was in hell? And why would they even go if the Dbs weren’t working? How would Vegeta and Goku going there make any difference?

How does Keeko/Frieza/everyone else get out of hell?

Roshi wouldn’t fuse with 18. Or other way around. And even if they did, it wouldn’t really increase 18’s power.

… Frieza’s not more powerful than the krilliencha whatever fusion. No way. 18 alone could beat him.

Roshi isn’t strong enough to kill Frieza. And Frieza isn’t strong enough to kill Tien, nor 18.

I don’t see how the Z fighters knew about Broly coming back to earth.

Broly OOC.

I don’t see how a SS3 is equal to Gogeta SS5. Gogeta would easily be hundreds, if not thousands of times stronger than him.

I also don’t see how Broly could be blasted into space like that and get to new planet Namek immediately.

Keeko couldn’t be Broly’s great great grandfather, as that’s not nearly enough (Generational-wise) to go back over a billion years.

Now, by this time, how could they all fuse into the five? Tien and 18 are both dead, and Broly had (perhaps) killed Krillin too. So that’s really inconsistent.

There is no advantage for Keeko to wait 2 weeks before fighting the Z fighters when he was obviously the most powerful.

These fights are all redundant.

And once again, I don’t see how SS2 Broly can beat SS5 Vegeta.

There’s a 30 minute wait between fusions which you don’t seem to take notice of.

Super Saiyan 6.

Gotrikan.

It doesn’t even seem like there was a 2 week break. Maybe the author forgot about what Keeko said earlier?

Super nemian 4. No explanation needed.

I detest the USS Form.

Why would Vegeta charge Keeko in his SS2 form when his SS6 form didn’t even work just moments before? Seems incredibly stupid.

The spirit bomb is a re-hash from the kid buu saga. Which I’d rather be watching.

Also is a re-hash of the cell fight where Vegeta distracted him long enough for Gohan to kill him.

I don’t like that Keeko was hit by the spirit bomb or that the bomb was used at all, really.

Keeko’s stupid retreat. He was far more powerful than Goku and he should’ve easily been able to kill Goku especially after he got his Zenkai from that battle.

Once again the dragon balls are too much of a crutch. Deaths hold no meaning.

Vegeta being all emo in the next saga.

Keeko coming back as a “good” guy only reinforces his Gary Stu-like qualities

The Frozen Time Dimension is a ripoff of the Hyperbolic Time Chamber.

What does that mean… you don’t age unless you choose to?

Again, another BS ripoff but this time with the ultra divine water. The entire thing about Keeko’s mother.

Eagus.

The reusing of almost all the various Saiyan body parts for keeko’s father and his team.

The reusing of the name Fasha.

I hate, beyond practically anything bringing in Keeko’s family.

Especially that they are all super Saiyans/super powerful.

Even moreso, there’s no way that simple ss1 of these random Saiyans should be more powerful than ss5 of goku and vegeta.

The fact that Keeko’s father can go USS dimishes the form even more than I thought possible.

I AM SUPER KEEKO.

Okay I read the first two sagas. I cannot take any more. I simply can’t. This story is so bad, so horrible it would just be torture to go through. And I think my review would just be getting repetitious by then, anyways.

Final Rating: E-

DRAGON BALL EG
pros

Fight scenes aren't as bad as I thought they would be.

The premise is somewhat unique.

cons

Turning Goku into a dragon...

Terrible Grammar.

I don't think Vegeta would retreat from battle. He'd rather die.

You forgot to revive Vegeta at the end.

Practically everything else.

Final Rating: E-

CLASH OF TWO WORLDS: DRAGON BALL Z VS. BLEACH
Pros

Considering the author’s age and that his first language is not English, this is written quite well. However, due to his ego that doesn’t mean I won’t criticize this at the same time.

The plot is rather simple.

At least there was no fanon Super Saiyan levels.

Cons

Dialogue is boring.

Grammar is awkward at times.

Constant confusing of tenses.

Constant changing of style of writing. Ie: sometimes it’s in 3rd person, other times in 2nd person.

I know nothing of the Bleach universe. Seeing as this is the Dragon Ball fanon, the author could at least try to help us understand some rudimentary concepts about that universe to lessen our confusion.

Goku wouldn’t know what a shinigami is.

Super Saiyan hair turns yellow, not blue. Broly’s would have been yellow too had he not been wearing that device on his head.

Goku and the ichigo guy were about even in while each was in base form. When Goku transformed to Super Saiyan and became 50x stronger, he should have easily beaten Ichigo. Then at Super Saiyan 2, or 100x stronger than Ichigo, there should have been no contest.

Sorry but at Super Saiyan 3, Ichigo shouldn’t be able to touch him. I don’t care if he’s using that special getsuga.

Kaioken Super Saiyan 3 would be 800x stronger than Ichigo, afaik. Still don’t see how the Ichigo guy isn’t dead.

Lame ass ending with Ichigo overpowering someone way stronger than him.

Final Rating: E-

MAJIN MAGIC PARTS 1 AND 2 (LEGACIES EPISODES)
pros

I like the abra kadabra alakazam thing. And say what you want, but that's Pokemon not Harry Potter.

Interesting concept as Bibidi's origins.

Like that Dabura's in it.

cons

Personally, I don't like religous messages in stories. Pro or anti.

Writing style is very hard to understand.

Each chapter is like 1/10 as long as they should be.

Final Rating: C

TIEN: ORIGINS
An astute eye would see, among our vast wiki many a story. Most of which, unfortunately are not decent enough to hold a man (or woman) of reasonable intellect for enough time as to be an enjoyable experience. Sure, we’ve all had our laughs at the worst of these (such as…) but there comes a time, where no matter what, you want to read something good, something worthwhile, something… memorable. This is hard to find, due in part to the community at whole. Indeed I would say that I could, no offense to anyone, count the amount of good writers here on one hand. Yes, one hand. And let me tell you now that user Destructivedisk is just one of these few.

Introductions aside, this review is of a story called Tien: Origins, written by the aforementioned Destructivedisk. A cursory glance of this yields me the knowledge that the story is about the origins of Tien. Conceptually, this is a quite the amusing, if simplistic idea. Because really, haven’t we all wondered why that guy has three eyes? Well maybe not me, but people have. I think.

The first thing, upon reading this story is that I was struck by its style. Usually, I’ve found within the first sentence or (if need be) paragraph, the basic flow for the writing can be surmised. And from what I’ve read, in totality, Origins is, among non-KV works, the very best written fan fiction on our wiki. It can be verbose, at times awkwardly so, but nonetheless it remains of an almost professional level at all times. I would prefer some sentences to be shorter and some words to be used less frequently, too. Nevertheless, I had no trouble getting through this story.

On the subject of writing style, I also want to give off a small notice to the other interluded styles sprinkled throughout each chapter. Usually these are written (with appropriately colored text) in script, or The Forgotten format. And I must say that they are absolutely amazing. The transitions, in every chapter save chapter 5, are smooth, elegant, and ultimately work very well. I would say that the poem in chapter is a bit less of a smooth transition, and in content itself it does falter a bit more (maybe I’m just biased from all my poetry classes) than the overall chapter. That said, the entire last chapter being written in poetic form is was a good touch. And fact that Destructivedisk is trying things, looking for ways to make his story better, and isn’t afraid to post it is what truly impressed me.

For the actual story, or plot, my feeling is much the same; it is spectacular. My favorite part of this story is how it slowly moves, almost in a gradual buildup kind of way, from a simple, almost innocent adventure into a full-blown emotional epic. Story-wise, most plot elements work; the use of Shen, the tagging along of Yamcha, even the concept of using the Original Super Saiyan all work without feeling forced. Most of the Bekk (Tien’s alien race) society that Destructivedisk crafted here made held my interest, as well. Particularly the idea of the thricers, indebting Bekks with a third eye, as it were was a cool idea. The small crossover with the Star Trek universe (the guardian character) also interested me; as a crossover is something that is not easy to do. However, it’s decent enough to work out here and I have no overall complaints for it.

Several elements of the plot, however, do not work. I would say my biggest complaint overall is the lack of power that Kordar has. Character-wise it limits the believability that he would be able to hold any sort of influence over, say, Tien or even Yamcha. In addition, I would say that the Original Super Saiyan transformation was about the most lackluster, emotionless one I’ve ever seen. It doesn’t work to just have him go Super Saiyan out of nowhere, for no real reason other than to fight. A better idea would have maybe been to include an extra chapter from the Saiyans point of view to show a bit into why/how he ever got to that form. I also want to point out that the time traveling doesn’t match up, how I think it was supposed to, as the new Tien baby would be brought back into the Z timeline, and therefore not live the life that the previous Tien had lived. Yeah, I dunno.

Character-wise, I have very few complaints. Chiaotzu and Yamcha are definitely in character at all times, and Tien is mostly with them. The dialogue is pretty spot on. Developmentally, a few things didn’t click as I don’t see how Yamcha or Chiaotzu, given their vast superiority over Kordar, would listen to the Bekk and fight (and kill) with his army. Seems a bit… strange. Again, I go back to Kordar being stronger so as to force them to join his army.

For the themes and overall tone of this story, I am mostly… well apathetic. Funny, I know. But seriously, the actually themes of the story, ranging from anti-religion to finding acceptance are generally okay. I would have preferred no religious stuff at all, as I hate reading about that kind of crap, but regardless it’s not too out of place. The theme of Tien being rejected by a society was also a powerful theme that I really liked. Especially since he took much the nobler road in it. The most interesting bit, I found about the tone though is that Tien doesn’t, in the end, really win. He goes back in time finds his people, saves his baby self, and in so doing gives his baby self the very thing that made him undesirable to begin with. That’s some awesome irony right there.

So, which rating to give this story? Well get to that in a minute. First I want to say several closing thoughts about this story. First up, it’s the most well-written on this site. It’s also one of the most original, in style and plot. The characters (well Tien) have impressive development, and there wasn’t any super Saiyan 5. I would say, in my opinion, the quality of the chapters would be listed in this order: 3 6 1 4 5 2. For the overall rating, I have to consider several things. Namely, it’s the best current fanon on the site, excluding my own. So, seeing that I would have to give it a… S rank. Near perfect.

To Destructivedisk, I tip my hat to you, sir.

DRAGON BALL Z: BLOODLINES
pros

It doesn’t say, but I’m assuming GT is not canon.

Cyanide.

Descriptions are, well… descriptive, but as I’ll get into below, that actually hurts the story too.

cons

Chapter display is all messed up, leading this to be a hard story to navigate.

Goku would not be dead 200 years later. Elder Kai’s lifespan is much longer than that.

Meh, by the end of Z Vegeta was a good guy, as evident by his own life being wished back when he wished “all good people” to be brought back to life.

I don’t like the Saiyan descendant names. At all. They’re very boring.

Dialogue is super awkward and/or cheesy.

Don’t like that weird script-esque format you use sometimes in parenthesis.

Nash talks very weirdly, especially given his age.

Most non-dialogue passages are just simple sentences explaining what each character is doing. I wish there would be more depth.

Tombstone Blue is a lame name.

Between the end of chapter 2 and the start of chapter 3 there seems to be a bit of text that is missing. I mean one minute he’s talking to a man, and the next he’s running through the forest. That seriously don’t make sense.

The turtle thing is too much like the first couple or so episodes of Dragon Ball, where Goku does the same thing.

Turtle thingy talks weird.

Using kilometers instead of miles. Damn commie.

Roshi seems OOC.

Eh, the whole thing of repeating DB’s early second saga is kinda boring.

Bulma memo is OOC.

No real character development, that I’m seeing so far.

I don’t sense any emotion in the writing, nor any in the actual characters.

The megaphone policeman is OOC.

Fight scenes, due to the way in which this story is written, are confusing.

The scene with Blue was kinda confusing. Especially the bit where the thug randomly yelled out “Another one”.

I realize now that that was because Nicko was standing there, but the way that you switch from time and perspective is still really confusing.

Terrible dialogue.

Endings of each chapter seem randomly done. And as I’ve mentioned before, often times they don’t smoothly transition into the next chapter.

All the characters are confusing, and it’s hard to tell them a part.

This isn’t helped by the fact that they are nigh emotionless, or personally distinctive.

The thing with Buu and Godom was too abrupt. That and I don’t see how Buu’s punch wouldn’t kill him.

The fight with the thugs in the Dragon Shrine chapter was wholly underwhelming.

I’ve never like the running gag (even in Dragon Ball) where bullets had no effect on Saiyans or whatnot, even when not powered up AT ALL. I would say that this is unacceptable here.

The thing with the random pilots… I don’t even know what that was.

Finally, I’ll say this story is like DB… without any of the humor or loveable characters. It has several major flaws, such as the weak dialogue and the really awkward and terrible text. In good conscious, I cannot recommend this story, nor can I support it as a featured fan fiction. Sorry!

Final rating: E-

DODORIA: A GALLANT WARRIOR
pros

Making a story about Dodoria’s life is somewhat interesting.

cons

Thing with the wishing upon a star is stupid.

The sentences read in a very broken fashion. Ie… most sentences will start with “He did this…” or “He thought that…” which doesn’t make for smooth reading.

Sentence structure is inconsistent.

As is the voice.

Constant changing of tense.

You use both meters and miles in the same paragraph, not to mention the entire story. That only serves to confuse me.

“There were rumors that a vast forest was hidden deep inside the forest” … yeah, what is that?

Grammar is just overall poorly done.

Dialogue is not good enough.

Don’t like the name Strife at all.

Nor do I like the name Lord Hiroshima.

You don’t format dialogue correctly. Make a new paragraph whenever someone different starts speaking, please.

Don’t like the name Mr. Kanto, either. Think up something original for once.

Killing his parents the way you did felt a little too clichéd.

Final Rating: E-

DRAGON BALL KD
pros

No.

cons

Bam, you put who dies before I can even read the chapters. Why bother?

Completely incoherent bullshit like this:

"Bulma was just abut to get killed by Frieza when all fears just did not happened. Goku takes all the fears away, then Goku saves Bulma from Frieza."

- Super Important Info

Random introduction of the new bronze knife character.

Vegeta... wtf is wrong with him?

What the hell does two random people being born 17 minutes after Vegeta OOC'd have to do with anything?

Stupid dialogue.

Random Goten crying.

WTF with the explanation of turtle? That's just so stupid.

Everyone's just relaxing while Vegeta's going around killing everyone. I think they would, you know, do something after he killed 2 people. Just saiyan.

There is little to no connection between the events that take place in this story.

The entire first saga was 1 paragraph long. That's not enough; you should prolly make chapters for each saga and then write for each chapter. It's simply not enough to fill more than like 45 seconds of a standard episode as it stands.

Roshi's dialogue makes no sense.

Krillin hugs 18 on the head.

Why is Vegeta going around killing everybody? Like randomly 18?

Also, more to the point, you should have the Z fighters try to stop Vegeta... I mean they're obviously strong enough. There's no reason why they'd just sit around and sleep and "hope" that he doesn't come and get them in the night.

Why do you keep mentioning that turtle is drinking water? That has nothing to do with anything.

Overall poor grammar.

Okay, you said Krillin already found 18's body. Now there's no point that he would just start searching for her body again.

Stupid random using of the dragon balls to wish back those who were randomly killed before. I'm sensing a pattern in this fic...

The babies that you keep mentioning that are born have nothing to do with anything. For one, you don't even say who their parents are. For another, the names you use are just horrid.

If this takes place after GT, then there is no Kami. Remember he fused with Piccolo in the android sagas of DBZ.

Roshi's house isn't a gift shop. I know, shocker.

Everyone buyed some. - Everyone "buyed" some what? Exprain yourserf, man!

The second saga being named the "Benball Saga" has nothing to do with the actual saga.

Pointless dialogue. Whenever you have someone talk it's just something that we already know, or just somethingp plain stupid. Usually both.

Pretty sure Gohan learned how to train before this point.

You can't just give someone a 10,000 power level... like a gift. Besides that's a terrible gift, Gohan's already way stronger than 10,000.

WTF... why are Goku and Gohan at a martial arts place? And why are they beating everyone up? They should be out trying to figure out why Vegeta randomly killed all those people.

Stop. With. All. The. Random. Births.

Randomly killing Roshi.

Randomly re-introducing Super Buu, for no reason and killing him within the same sentence.

Krillin made an idea.

Krillin's idea wouldn't work as a saga back Bulma had just used shenron. You have to wait a year in between wishes.

Okay, okay. I don't understand this at all, "Later, Krillin, Roshi and 18 see Launch dead from being killed by Vegeta. Roshi and 18 both step on Launch, and then Launch's body turned into the pure evil Majin Buu. " Seriously, this needs to be explained.

This story makes no sense.

Vegeta being randomly good again.

Vegeta randomly strolling with Videl in Goku's garden.

Videl randomly taking a picture of Vegeta.

Videl randomly saying '''"Sorry to intrupt you." '''

WTF why doesn't anyone fight? They just randomly die and then get revived like two seconds later.

If there was an "evil buu", the Z fighters wouldn't participate in a tourney. They would, you know, fight him. Which nobody seems to do in this story.

Spopovitch is dead; he couldn't possibly be at the tourney.

Dabura is dead; he couldn't possibly be at the tourney.

Okay, you've already used the dragon balls like 3 times in one day. Enough already.

I don't get why 18 and roshi keep going back inside the house.

Goku and Gohan are OOC. They wouldn't be training here, but you know, fighting.

The revenge saga has no meaning, when put up against its saga's content.

I don't care if Nelisa was born. It has nothing to do with anything.

Nor do I care that she is drinking from her bottle. Once again, see above.

King Piccolo is dead; he couldn't possibly be at the tourney.

"The battle between Gotenks and Vegeta begins." There was never a fight between them referenced to, nor would any sane mind assume that they were about to battle.

Ooooh good fight; Gotenks kicking Vegeta's heart is good stuff.

I don't like that Gotenks randomly killed a bunch of civilians.

I also don't liked that you used the dragon balls for about the 50th time.

Okay, Gotenks vs. Saibaman shouldn't be close. Nor should you have to use stupid dialogue to tell us that it was.

Dr. Gero is dead, as is 19. 17 is no longer evil by this point.

Enough with the head cutting off. It's not "cool".

Another tourney? Srsly?

Bulma saying hold on once again is just wtf.

Pui Pui is dead.

Bardock is dead.

King Piccolo is dead.

Android 16 is dead.

Android 15 is dead.

Yajirobe wouldn't fight in the tourney.

Got all that? Because all your characters are OOC to the max, this isn't even Dragon Ball any more.

Gah... Future 17 and 18 are dead man, besides that they are also in their own timeline...

I like how you announce a tourney, then skip through the thing, not showing one fight.

Randomly in the second round (8p), the final match begins. Yeah, really.

You don't even show the fight where Goku wins. That's super lazy.

Chi Chi is OOC.

Tournament Super Star Saga name. It's awful.

Kami being killed by Nail just doesn't work for so many different reasons. For one, Kami and Nail don't exist at this point, they're all part of Piccolo. For another, they're both good guys. And for even another, yes killing Kami would kill Piccolo too. Just saying "oh and Piccolo didn't die" isn't good enough. IT ISN'T GOOD ENOUGH.

There's no more Super Buu. You can't just bring him back. That's like having both Frieza's 2nd and 3rd form fighting each other.

Your bit with Dende makes no sense whatsoever.

Spike the evil man.

Baba would say no such thing to Mr. Spike. She wouldn't even be there.

The entire Nam/Rildo scene.

Stupid Goten dialogue.

There's no reason why Goten would randomly go to Namek.

Furthermore, there's no reason why Burter and Ginyu would be there.

Also, Chi Chi is OOC as she never once tried to get Goten to study/do homework, like she did with Gohan.

Everyone were battling... may I ask why? Also it seems by this point you've forgotten to revive several people. That's so unlike you, btw.

Don't like that you never revived Vegeta and that you made him such an OOC. Hell, the character YOU WROTE was not Vegeta. He's just too out there man.

Randomly bringing back drum is stupid. Besides he'd be far weaker than the Z fighters anyways.

Dodoria is way weaker than Goku. Goku shouldn't have to go SS4 to beat him.

Random Elder Kai wish is terrible. Just turrible.

"MF45 will type more sagas... " I'm so lucky that you didn't. Because this story is crap.

"Dragon Ball KD's character look likes are similar to DBZ's Buu saga look likes. " Yeah, that's nice.

"KD revealed 20-30 movies for this." Oh gawd, why would you make 30 movies out of this? How is that even possible?

Final Rating: E-

YU YU HAKUSHO Z
pros

The story makes no sense.

Alas it was, that such an act adds much to its great humor.

Dreadlocks SS FTW

The wtf fusion demon 7 thingy was funny.

Cell was sorry and left.

Killing that puse Gohan. He is such a puse.

The funniest bit I think is when Yamcha randomly howls like a wolf. Hahaha.

Random Pilaf.

The overall story is quite funny.

cons

Think it could be funnier if the chapter titles were a bit more random.

Sometimes the dialogue is a bit plain.

Final Rating: none

TROVAINE
pros

None.

cons

(I know this is a character page, but this was requested of me to review; I will still review it like I do other stories)

M'kay, first up his name. Let's look at it. Trovaine. Yeah, it sucks. It's not a vegetable, it's not a fruit, it's not a normal name... I dunno what the hell it is. But it sucks.

He was born with a power level of 7. That's just plain stupid. We don't need another Goku.

He's like a mega Gary Stu. He's just so perfect, but nobody understands him, right? Yeah, I bet.

So he sees Frieza's super nova. First off, how the hell could he?

Next up, even if he did his power level's prolly very low; therefore he shouldn't, well couldn't actually, be able to teleport away from the planet.

Because, honestly, when did he learn instant transmission? That's not like an everyday move that all Saiyans learn.

Stupid SS1 transformation. I don't even think it's logical that he would know what the super nova was, to begin with, and that he would know that Frieza destroyed his race.

His SS1 level is far too high. 13,000,000 is not 50x whatever his lowly level was at that time (it would of had to been like 250,000+ in order to reach 13 million; and that breaks canon in and of itself)

Did I mention he's overpowered?

Stupid story of him traning for 30 years to reach SS2, SS3, and SS4. My god, he's a gary stu.

A full power level of 15 trillion is way overpowered for a random Saiyan who's NEVER FOUGHT ANYONE. All's he fucking did for thirty years was pushups and your telling me that is better than Goku? I don't think so, brah.

The pics of your disastrous photoshops are funny. But they still are horrid.

The USS Trovaine form (sounds more like a navy "wessel") is just stupid. I mean you just give him these forms for no reason. It's like why does he even need them, if all he's ever done is trained?

His life seems very boring, too.

Overall, this character is prolly among the worst Gary Stus on this site, perhaps one of the worst ever. He's way overpowered, has a boring, illogical backstory, and looks like a photoshoped king Vegeta. I'm no fan of this crap.

Final Rating: E-

DRAGON BALL ST: ORIGINS OF SERROLI
pros

I like the kid Kai thingy in the prologue.

The style of writing is decent. You explain things decently as well.

The Kai story is very interesting and I love it long time. I like his little thing about living alone by the stream and catching fish, it's quite pleasant to read.

cons

I find it lulzy that you explain to us the meanings of the screamo themes to OoS. That said, I'm actually not fond of any of them. I also don't think there needs to be 3 themes for a simple special, but hey that's just a minor annoyance of mine. :P

Chapter titles are boring. This is purely my opinion though, as I like to have chapter titles either reference something or be a badass quote.

The entire story with Serroli just plain sucks. Sorry to say, but it's like something I'd expect from ss11 or even BROLY LSS5.

Really, really dislike that you have Bardock and King Vegeta in this story. It doesn't make sense at all that they were around so long ago. In addition, I don't like the bit of "destiny" you are trying to make out of this, for their songs.

Reusing the planets Yardrat and Namek was just lame. I think it would work better to just make up some new planets. Because, I don't see how they could possibly be around (with such sentience) so many millions of years before DBZ.

The stuff with Bardock and such not being ruthless, like Saiyans should be is meh to me. Perhaps when you create the OSS later, you'll explain it, but still without the Saiyans being ruthless and cutthroat, they just aren't Saiyans. And that leads to a huge connection issue for me (the reader) with them as being portrayed as Saiyans.

That said, I would then group this into having Bardock and Vegeta as OOC, as neither should act like they do in your story.

I think the dialogue between Bardock/Vegeta and Serroli is lacking. The swearing also seems out of place, to be honest. And they disown him way too quickly.

The way in which Bardock/Vegeta turn on Serroli is too abrupt. It should take place over perhaps a few chapters, not just half of one.

A minor annoyance, but I think that Akuno and Aratame are confusing names. When I first read the story, I thought that they were the same person. Well, that could also be because this whole story is very confusing too.

And this isn't necessarily a con, but are the Saiyans and Kais on the same planet? I'm just failing to grasp how the little kai kid would be impacted by serroli telling akuno some news....

Okay, and another question... I could have sworn Akuno and Aratame were the same people. Both seem to be Kais, so are they like two parts of one person or what? Once again, this isn't a con, just a curious question as this story is super confusing.

Final rating was hard for me to choose, but weighing this whole story, pros and cons, I had to pick the most appropriate one. I think overall, the well crafted Kai story is brought down by Serroli's story, which isn't good at all. And I think, were this only the Kai story it would have been a much stronger, and cohesive fan fiction.

Final Rating: C-

SIXTH
pros

Masterful writing and prose.

Very interesting story.

I actually like how this is far more brutal and thoughtless (on the part of the bully monks) than the actual DB show portrayed them. It makes them seem more real, in my opinion.

Like the allegory of the monk throwing trash on Krililn.

cons

I'ts a bit too abrupt with how you explain Krililn getting the master's porn. Perhaps would've been better if you had introduced the master earlier in the story.

I think the dialogue is a bit off.

Final Rating: S-

DRAGON BALL ULTIMATE SAIYANS
pros

Lol at Goten fapping in chapter 3.

cons

Gohan is OOC.

Chi Chi is OOC.

Pan is super OOC.

Goten is OOC.

Poor grammar, especially in the way that each character talks.

Dialogue is not very good at all.

Goten is stronger than Pan. He wouldn’t need to go Super Saiyan against her.

Scratch that, the dialogue is completely incoherent.

You never put periods in between sentences. Please do this.

All’s they go on about is how Goku is gone. That gets extremely tiresome.

None of this makes sense at all.

Your description for Trunks going Super Saiyan is horrid.

This plot is almost nonexistent. It’s just like they fight and then have parties…

Gohan is still OOC.

Vegeta is OOC.

Enough with Goku not being there. We get it.

Gawd, everyone is OOC. It’s like not even dragon ball any more.

There’s not enough plot going on in each chapter. Like especially the one where all’s they do is start 1 fight, and get about 2 seconds into it. That’s not enough.

Chiaotzu should not have beaten Krillin in their party tourney. He’s not even close to as strong as Krillin.

I’m unfamiliar with Majuub as a character, but I know in Z, Uub would never have thrown a match.

By saying that you were going to let Pan win, for no reason, that makes the entire fight pointless and uninteresting.

Bah, Goten shouldn’t be Super Saiyan 2.

Spelling, overall, is inconsistent. Usually, it’s not that great.

Again, despite not training at all during this time, Gohan would still be stronger than Goten.

Trunks should not be Super Saiyan 2.

Gah, Vegeta shouldn’t be Super Saiyan 3, either. I mean, he could, but you’d have to explain it first. Which you didn’t…

Babidi is OOC.

The whole Bibidi/Babidi bit makes little to no sense.

Cell wouldn’t curse. OOC!!!

Ultra Cell form.

The 5 crown thingy.

Broly is back. Hate that.

Broly is OOC, too.

Tarble being under Bibid’s control doesn’t make sense. First off, there's no explanation for as to how Bibidi would even know about Tarble. For another thing, Bibidi is dead. So he wouldn’t be able to control someone in the normal realm anyways.

Tarble OOC.

Final Rating: E-

LIFE OF A SON (LEGACIES EPISODE)
pros

It was tied into the Broly movie’s story about his survival, which I find mildly interesting.

Cons

There is a genuine lack of grammatical sense within this fiction.

Please try to make a new paragraph every time someone says something. Aside from being the correct way to format, it also makes it much easier to read.

There is a constant shifting of tenses. Pick one and stick with it. It’ll give off a more consistent feeling that way.

Oh, and not every word that anyone speaks has to be a scream. You use far too many exclamation marks, ‘specially in places that don’t make sense.

You don’t accurately explain how Broly/Paragus were healed. Nor do you properly explain how they survived in that extreme cold.

I think you could have given more detail on how Paragus found that random ship.

The thing with the alien’s creating Broly’s device was a good idea, however you didn’t properly introduce it and it turned out worse than it could have been.

I think overall this story had promise, but I was barely able to understand it due the grammar and spelling errors. It also progressed inconsistently, story-wise, which made for a hard to follow read.

Final Rating: E-

Misc. Thoughts:


 * The single best scene so far that I have read is Frieza/Cooler learning about the birds and the bees. Quite frankly, it's legendary and will forever remain so.
 * My favorite story thusfar is Tien: Origins. My least favorite is Dragon Ball SV.
 * The most common rating is E-, which is the worst.

Stories To Be Reviewed
(these will not be reviewed in any particular order)
 * Dragon Ball Z AT by Constinet gr
 * Life Of A Son (Legacies Episode) by ExtremeSSJ4
 * MDBS by Supremegogeta
 * Dragonball YTK by TienShinhan88
 * Alto Piccolo by Auror Andrachrome
 * Dragonball Unlimated by Unlimated
 * Dragon Ball New Age by Malik666
 * Depiction in Red by AkurnaSkulblaka