Broccoli Tail

Author Notes
And now, a word from the authors about this piece of literature:

The story


Darkness. All serious stories. Start with darkness.

BUT THIS IS A BYRAM SO WHO CARES ABOUT DARKNESS!

Anyways, today you might be asking yourself “What’s a BYRAM and how did I stumble upon this weirdly named story that KidVegeta gave?” Look it up. It’s literally right there on the search bar. Ah, right, the story. Ahem.

Once upon a time there was a little baby who didn’t get his milk because his mom was killed when she challenged Burter to a race and Burter ran so fast she died. But who cares about moms dying in fiction? The characters? HAH! No mom in Dragon Ball is mourned when they die! Chi-Chi? Nope. Chi-Chi’s mo...wait yes. Vid-yes. Bulm...OK BAD EXAMPLE. Wait, wait, no. I can save this. Gine. HAH! There we go! Now, where were we? Ah yes.

The baby’s name was Broly and he was apparently the Legendary Super Saiyan. Now you may be thinking this is just going to be another weird non canon story for the sake of being non canon. But, instead, we’re going to add a little alternate template riiiiiiiiiiiiight here

(KV get on that)

See? Now we can have Broly go LSS (no J because KV is J-ist) when he was a baby and not just get stabbed. Is that a Gary Stu move? Maybe. Was he a Gary Stu in the first place? Possibly. WHO CARES THIS IS AN ALTERNATE STORY AND YOU CAN’T PUT EFFORT IN THOSE! Oh yeah, KV, that’s your cue to actually start the alternate story instead of rambling for 10 minutes. Now I’m doing that :P

A hundred million lightyears away on Planet New Worcestershire lived a space fox with four tails. He was an old fox, a foxy grandpa if you will, and his favorite food was space kale. This is all to say that he weas a handsome boke and he had a lot of time on his hands to make space tortillas. Space tortillas are the best i mean when you get the spinach ones my g be all what nigga thats some fresh mix right there and i be all haha g u high again.

He was a beautiful kitsune a wonderfox he killed all the people on planet New Worcestershire. He went into their boxes and munched. One time he was sitting in the middle of the forest because he was a fucking stupid fox. There was one last New Worcestershire person left on the plaennt on that day and he come to see the foxy with four tails what a magisterial beast i do declare.

“Ha. here i have space corn, see one piece!!” fox growl hopefully.

“Oi that’s a corn right there!” the man exclaimed, raising his hat in surprise.

“u can have my corn bitch,” fox say very politely.

“Ok thanks for all the fish.” the man was very embarrassed and he grabbed the corn very hastily and ran off into the woods. He was so scared taht the fox with four tails a proper nogistune would trick him and trick him bad he hated tricksters they were the least interesting of all the social sciences.

“Oi i got a corn i got away!” but he ran in the forest and there are monsters in the forest and needless to say he died horribly in there.

The fox was at peace one day he’d find out his name but today is not that day. “Just so,” agreed the monsters who were feasting on corn man’s lower intestines.

“im finally at peace look at me go,” the fox igled every four of his tails up and down and once up more again like a balloon. And this is all to say that he was hoping to sprout his fifth tail but it couldn’t come out yet because he wasn’t 300 years old yet. “Fine im gonna be enlightening” he protested a lot and blew up all the forest it was burning and all the dwarves were crawling over the woman on the ground it was very clever and very symbolic.

“I wish one time i got to see this dude called the legendary super saiyajin warrior! “ fox baby scream and squal and hold his chin he is very proud of himself. “Make him come here myself!!!!!”

Fox does what fox wants and so he made sure he pluck a broly and baby paragus from planet vegeta so he can inspect them he was also curious in the one they called zorn he came too and suddenly fox was contacted by a very derpy purple man.

“YO MR FOX MAN! You destroyed that forest, right?” He pointed at the forest the fox destroyed like that wasn’t obvious by his dialogue.

“Yes, I wanted to be super smart fox like Tails who apparently looks like that other fox from Universe 9 but actually doesn’t. How do I even know about that, I’m not the God of Destruction yet.”

“Now you are, ayuck!” The purple man poked one of fox’s tails, and it was destroyed. In return, he got some spiffy new clothes and powers stronger than the Kai himself. Yeah, the Supreme Kais unlock the power, remember? You thought the angels TRAINED them or something? HAH! No! Why else do you think their life is linked? The Supreme Kais give some of their supreme power to the Gods of Destruction when they’re appointed, gaining awesome power, but being cursed to protect the giver of their power. KV, did I do a good for your lore?

“No i don’t creeperman”

“IT’S SPICYGHOST CREEPER THE WISE IUYSRTUIYUT FYGIUYT”

Suddenly the fourth wall broke. And what came out of it but an angel without any wings because Dragon Ball doesn’t want to be stereotypical despite being the one to make all of the stereotypes. He dusted his dusty dust clothes into space to Broly. Yeah, this story is about Broly, remember? Maybe 10 minutes later we’ll go back to Liquer or maybe Luud or something e-oh wait, girl broly is a thing. Let’s just...change this to be a girl broly story.

Ahem. It was in Universe 6. The girl magically got powers. The end...man writing is hard. Ok, ok, fine. She didn’t just magically get powers. Once upon a time, years after the destruction of Planet Vegeta, Paragus was tired of Broly trying to become a God of Destruction.

“Grr, he’s super strong and I can survive his attacks, but I’d rather him play with Vegeta grr.” Paragus exclaimed. So, he picked up Super Duper Saiyan Broly and ate him. Broly isn’t actually tasty. Anyways, when Paragus ate him, one piece of Broly flew over to Universe 6 and it landed on Planet Salad. Years later, the Broly grew into a Saiyan named Girl Broly. So, that’s it...what, you want MORE? UUUUUUUGH KV do something.

Okinaro left nothing to be desired. In the wastes, Broly and Paragus appeared. Paragus had been in the middle of copulating with a Saiyan prostitute. Baby Broly was crying. Okinaro wondered if Broly was a bastard or if he was just another dead fly on the windowsill.

“Make some fuckin blow up” Okinaro pleaded he wanted it like a tv dinner.

“Crikey Broly where we at, son of a nappa!!!” Paragus came all over the prostiottues face. When some got in her eye, she screamed and self destructed.

Broly: “baby cri”

haha yeah my nigga okinaro was real sad about his missing fourth tail that was sad kanashii is one of my favorite words in japanese. Imagine there’s no God of Destruction. is ez if u try. You know i cant believe they made a clown god of destruction. That guy is a real looker.

“Speaking of lookers, come here my child!!” Paragus hugged broly so hard broly got inconvenienced and punched out his eye but they didn’t make eyepatches on planet new wortchestkichesire sauce so he had to be twenty days old if he was a year. “My boobs, megasa squeeze them,” Paragus muttered and scratched his chin look at all the character development wow. Megasa was long dead, a pile of bloody gore lying neatly in a crater to his right. One time hed’ fucked that and now he aint got but 1 eye. He was, as they say in the children’s cartoons, as pretty as a one-eyed snake.

It was at this moment that Creeper’s stunt double realised that there wasn’t any defined story at all yet, so he locked up Spicyghost Creeper the Wise to finally review The Forgotten. Ok, so. Uh...Liqur...Paragus… Girl Broly...AHA.

Suddenly, Girl Broly, who was planting more Broly, Paragus, who grabbed his other eye which he could still see out of like Mrs. Potato Head which doesn’t make any sense. I mean really. Yeah, if you close one eye, you see out of the other. But either she kept the other eye closed, making her only see out of the other eye and see nothing in the other, or they’re both open and one eye can see the room while the other could see where she was. That’d just be weird and confusing. Anyways, Broccoli and Liqur too, they all teleported to Genosis to fight for who was the bestest God of Destruction in all the land

“Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?”, Girl Broly shouted. She named one of her Brolyccolies Carmen, by the way. It was going to go around to different parts of Earth even though it didn’t even live on Earth and was in a completely different universe. That didn’t stop Girl Broly from going there, tho’.

Meanwhile, regular Broly was going in and out of being a baby and a teenager since KV thinks he’s a baby but it’s been years after Vegeta blew up. Maybe he’s mad his planet went boom boom. He looked at Girl Broly and ran up to her.

“Oooooooooh a girl! I must love at first sight no matter what the circumstances!” Broccoly said while turning into TheLegend27 even tho’ that’s a girl.

“Ew, dad, don’t do that. That’s no good” Girl Broly was turning into a horrible fanmade Sonic the Hedgehog Deviantart character.

“NO DON’T DO THAT!” Kid Boba Fett screamed, as he threw his dad’s headmet (a helmet with a head in it) into Broly’s hair cuz they obviously look super similar. The clone DNA mixed with Brololoccinanny and became Bounty Hunter Brola Fett.

“I’m only going to have two minutes of awesome screen time now and the rest will be talking and then I’ll die” Brola Fett shot his creator, Boba Fett and he died. It was sad because he won’t appear in that Han Solo spinoff now or The Clone Wars TV series which is actually pretty good.

Liqur was sitting in the corner having a grand old time with Paragus, his new bestest bud because they both lost something. One his eye. The other his tail. They fused the two together like everything has been in this story and became Prince Eyail the II of Gogtamanueta (random words yay) who fired a laser at Broly. Oooh what’s going to happen KV?

Broly, as he inevitably does, died. The funeral service was held nine days later for no reason other than no one got around to burying him until nine days later. It was a very sad funeral, all of Broly’s bitch baby mamas were in tears and one wouldn’t stop shrieking until paragus filled her mouth with something else (it was a cornish hen).

By that point Paragus and Okinaro had defused. When they had been together, masturbation had been awkward as hell, and this is a subject that I trust my good bb boy TUNboi will tackle in his upcoming one-shot about vegito thank kami there’s a redacted scene.

Geonosis was pretty as parish’s bowl of parsnips. The lesson here is that everything goes away yada yada yada. One time in my asian art history class I wrote this long-winded essay on how this stupid painting was mono no aware because it depicted a beach curving in a shape similar to a crescent moon. All of this is to say that words are wind, right georgie boi??

My teacher was so proud of that essay, but she was always hyper like that. Speaking of hyper zergling, when I wrote the great ape sex in bedtime ii: the morning after, I didn’t like writing it at all. I don’t understand how haipa zee finds it erotic.

Geonosis is pretty in springtime is the real message here. When the clones blew that shit up it was late summer/early autumn and that means in the springtime there are flowers and trees and rivers and all that heavenly stuff that Dabura frolicked through at the end of the Kid Buu Saga.

Okinaro bought a spring condo from a Geonosian Beastmaster for a measely sprig of parsley per a blue moon. Okinaro retired to his spring quarters to write refined waka and sip in the way of sadō and never appear in anything ever again haha what a guy.

It was precisely at this time that female Broly, aka TUN’s waifu, became rather enamored with the late broly. She dug him up late one night with a rusty spoon and did to him what the spring winds do to Atjohnian tersani blooms. Very clever girl.

At precisely this moment, female Broly was met by a terse-looking woman who materialized out of the air like she was a witch. All female broly could think about was how much she needed to burn this witch, but alas there wasn’t any firewood around. The witch had blue skin, the witchiest of all the colors in girl Broly’s opinion. Her hair was white, and she held a little staff, it was long enough to get shafted with.

“Hi hello welcome that was no good ill fuck u up” the witch grunt.

“Allahu akbar!” girl broly was pregnant with nine day dead broly seed it was wicked cool ya.

“That is not allowed what u did is very bad very horrible ill slice ur neck wot m8” witch bellowed.

“Who r u my nigga i aint even seen u b4 how u no bout me nd my bae”

“Im Jiugin and one day ill b famous!””

“Jiugin, I can make you famous if you help me kill Brola Fett who killed my father but also my soon to be son’s father!”

“How do you even know it’s a guy?”

“Please, all first children in Dragon Ball grow up to be fighters at some point”

“NO you should change it to a girl just cuz.”

“KV told me not to do that in his super cool blog post. That was rad”

“MAKE ME FAMOUS!” Jiugin shouted

“Ok, you get to be featured in this story.” Girl Broly claimed

“YAAAAAAY! Ok, first, you must meet your grandpa or father in law Paragus’ (and also Liqur’s) son Prince Eyail II. He has the power to locate Brola. Next, you must meet with the derpy guy who gave Liqur his super powers so you can get super power to beat Brola super easy. Finally, you can meet him, say ‘Of course my vengeance must be satisfied!’ when he asks and then you can kill him” Jiugin told Girl Broly.

“Ok, I’m sure we’re going to have an awesome adventure and not get sidetracked only for Creeper’s stunt double to use a few lines from KV’s much funnier sections to make an entire tale!” Girl Broly, not subtlely at all, said. And so, to start this grand tale, Liqer swayed his tail to teleport Girl Broly to Eyail. Eyail had a massive castle built on top of a Super Star Destroyer (because there hasn’t been enough Star Wars) all in a pineapple under the pineapple under the sea.

“Yo I’m Eyail and I know you want to know where Brola is but I don’t wanna unless you make a super duper run on sentence like I am right now hahahah https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lCscYsICvoA&t=11s yeah do that a run on sentence for more than ten hours”

I know those last few paragraphs were weird, right everyone? (audience cue: clap passionately with several interspersed whoops and whistles). I mean we all saw Eyail defuse after broly died that was rad right. And then the guy who Creeperman keeps thinking is Liqur went away to his springtime resort. That was rad. Alas for all of this, a plot had yet to develop.

When Eyail reigned, the universe was good, wept girl broly, pregnant of a grander lss yet. But his halls were empty now, save for the rats who liked to fuck under the kitchen table. Every now and then, the wind carried the fur-muffled squeal of space rat ecstasy. It chilled girl broly to the core.

“Necrophilia is bad” Jiugin slapped broly upside the head.

“No fair i wasnt fast enough to block!!”

“Go super saiyan puse”

“Puse im a puse ur a puse”

“No im jiugin bitch.”

And this is the part of the story where an inevitable fight occurs. Every story’s gotta have one. Not all the episodes do though because toei liked to milk that shit. They have some episodes where gohan’s just grunting awkwardly as he powers up what do they expect us to do with an episode like that i mean it’s not even eye candy or sound candy however that works, I hate listening to teen gohan moan. One time I ended one of these stories parodying that exact thing.

Anyways, let’s just say that at this point Ebola Fett had a rather unfortunate incident with space marsupials on Planet Sargossa. I love that planet, it’s a nice getaway world, almost as good as Alo-Alo (we’re not there yet). Jiugin was fuckin manic look at them twitchy eyes. All she had was girl broly. Everyone else was on vacatino or dead. I suppose I don’t know what happened to Paragus so let’s just say he died of an eye infection in that socket. I just have to say that that dude who does the walking dead comic books is a tryhard wannabe. He’s got talent but that scene where carl’s gf licks his empty eye socket was so cringeworthy. He was trying so hard to be shockign in that moment. IT was extremely poor writing, disgusting, and shows why he will never be considered on GRRM’s level.

When they came to Sargossa, they were two - Jiugin and preggers brolydumpster. Holla. Ebola Fett was blowin up twenty thousand marsupials per a second it was a catastrophe.

Ok before I start, Eyail didn’t defuse, Paragus and Okinaro (okinaro is the four-tailed fox from beginning but it’s actually it’s liqur now. I retconned that already when he got his tail destroyed by that kai, remember guys?) did. I totally forgot that Liquir or how ever I spell it went to his funtime residence, but all of them teleported to Genosis so it’s fine now.

Ok so Bolratolamongola Fett looked at that beautiful Girl Broly and said “I am your father’s clone!”

“NOOOOOOOOOO ANOTHER STAR WARS REFEREEEEEENCE! Too...cringey,,,of a story...bleh.” Girl Broly died and Jiugin was super sad because Girl Broly was all she had as it was said before. She was going to be her God of Destruction and it was going to be awesome like what this story was before I made that reference. Botoma Fett laughed an evil laugh and killed all the marsupials. Suddenly King Butterball appeared. If you remember him, good he’s the best character.

“Yo Brola, we’re going to throw down and actually have a tension based race in a Baby You’re a Rich Man story” Butterball claimed.

“NO ALL BYRAMS MUST BE AS SILLY AS POSSIBLE!” Brola charged up his blasters to full force but they blew up in his face because that’s totally how life works. “HAH! See something silly! Now, that race will never come to be! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!”

“Dude, you’re only suppossed to have 2 minutes of awesome screen time” Butterball reminded Brola, who died because of that. This has been the most amount of deaths I think in a BYRAM. Maybe those midgets on that planet with the spoons adds up to more or maybe when Frieza blew up that planet with Ginyu and all those folks but I don’t care because this is totally different from the other stories.

Well the wutang girls really knock me out, they leave the rest behind. I don’t know a band that rhymes with Moscow haha that shits crazy. My nigga Praabhjot had a stupid fuckin’ name. I wonder if kumbaya really makes Rivers violent. Why would he even write that phrase down and throw it around in a hat to begin with? I suppose it’s not as fucked up as some of those lines in Fitter Happier.

To say ayy’Boba whet his wit against her would be to compare him to a reef shark and his lady thus scorned to a six pack ring so snug and tight (the comparison is mildly offensive to a gentleman like me). Five lost out with the tide, and ayy’Boba, yea verily. Breaths as one, their sweet cold kiss, where he goes, and she with him, to Avalon and back, down the briny river, past empty, child-less houses of drunken shadowbinders, where the smell of blood is not unwelcome, and not unpleasant anymore. He the shark, she the ring, and three hundred years, buried in the shadow of withered peaks.

The White Album has no song so loathsome on it as Revolution 9. In the wake of chaos, Goodnight is forgotten for its hollow grandiosity. Satire is a frequent fallback of hominids, but even that defense gives no value to this song. The album, for all intents and purposes, ends with Can You Take Me Back, and I wish they would.

The poignancy of Snow Country I think comes in Shimamura’s realization that Komako has wasted her life and her talents and her beauty. There’s not much that can be done with that realization, nor with the poignancy of it, but it provides a cool literary effect. Rich pathos with hokku-like prose, stark as a withered moor, makes for a good story, in my opinion. To feel something is enough, sometimes.

So you can look into KV’s anthology for whatever that means because I sure don’t know so I’ll just continue with this here story while trying to incorporate the last section a wee little bit. I still luv u kv but progress de story.

* everyone leaves because of that gay moment

Right, the story! Ahem. Girl Broly was dead. Broly was dead. Brola was dead. All three versions of Broly dead.

“WAIT! There’s still Bio-Broly!”, Juigin remembered

“You’re right you amazing angel you! Wait, why do I care? I’m going back to the other story to make my actual grand appearance.” Butterball dug away, but Juigin didn’t care and flew to Earth to wait for Bio Broly.

“MWAHAHAHA! I have created Bio-Broly somehow in this alternate universe, yeah remember that template? That was a good time! NYEHEHEHE!” that Jaguar guy said

“Stop right there, Jaguar and give me Bio Broly to fuse with all the other Brolys to make Quad BroccolianotomatotomATo thhe III of Bill Gates’ estae of turkey in the world of Botauman who can shoot fire, throw socks and eat stools!” Juigin insanely said

“Ok.” Jaguar said as he suddenly became One Punch Man. “Only if you give me a good gag fight and not go off on a tangent talking about things we don’t know about unless we read those awesome anthologies”

Juigin nodded. She was an angel after all, and she wouldn’t let her friend who made her famous who has two dads stay dead because no one ever does in Dragon Ball except the best villians. You may say Frieza, but the Ginyu Force alone makes them outweigh Frieza. Juigin kicked OPM straight in the face and it was super awesome trust me.

“FURTANIUM LASER POINTER OF DOOM Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah” Juigin said and did a totally cool move that you know what it does, hurting Saitama a little bit

“Grr...oh, now I’m going to use the Neopolitain Dragon Cones to wish to be fused even though we can already fuse!” Saitama said while collecting them in less than 2 seconds. He first wished to bring the Broliunanos to come back to life and then to fuse together and then to fuse with him and then to fuse with Bio Broly. When they fused together they became One Gibrolta Ferlly Punch Bio Man. Let’s call him OGFPBM for short. Ooh and we can make that acronym int Original Full Power Broly Man. Yeah, that’s his name now. KV transittion into an awesome fight scene with Original Full Power Broly Man and Juigin plz.

OGFPBM, or One Gibrolta Ferlly Punch Bio Man for long, swung one fist at this weird creature that I’m told is beautiful but what the fuck man it’s an alien. The alien was being a tricksey lil fucker and she jumped this way and that, always flying away like Krillin and Yamcha in that one mentor mission with Krillin I fuckin hated that shite. Bam, half the hives on Geonisis blew up. OGFPBM, or as I like to call him, the Pillsbury Broly Man, mumbled a tiny apology by the geonosians were too dead to care. The thing is windshield wipers work great on bugs especially if you spray a bit of that blue stuff first.

Pillsbury Broly Man was angry at his lot in life. Why couldn’t he have been a traveling antique salesman? Why couldn’t he have gone to the Planet Trade Organization Academy of Science like his brother, the apple tart? It was enough to make him want to jump off a refridgerator, because he’s cool like that.

The craters were all over the place. People were fleeing. Suddenly Pillsbury Broly Man had goone half oozaru and he was tall as a motherfucking skyscraper like those ones in A Front. Higuin is good, but he’s no Messi.

“Oh no, a giant monkey, my greatest fear since clown gods!” Juigin said oh so surprised

“Did somebody call me?” Vermoud said as he honked his nose

Otto Grandad Fun Pink Balloon Mollusk’s greatest fear were clown gods too. He was so scared that he had Girl Broly’s kid, which is too graphic and I don’t like talking about so just say that plot thread is done. Anyways, Vermoud started at On Great Fluffy Piles Boys like Moms who cried because everyone is afraid of clowns even though their whole entire point is to not do that. I wanted to be a clown, a fireman, or an author when I was a wee little boy and I still want to become an author but I also want to do other things so I’m really sad now not really. At least I don’t want to be a clown anymore. Wait, what? Oh, right, story.

“You’ve been a naughty-” Vermoud was about to say when suddenly Santa came out of nowhere, looking all buff like Chuck Norris and Arnold Schwarzenegger and Harold from Laughingstock Media who KV probably doesn’t know about.

“Yo, I was taken in an interesting direction in A Zero Mortals Christmas BUT I WANT TO BE THE STERYOTYPE WITH DE MUSCLES AND THE BICEPS AND THE TRICEPS RAAAAAUGH!” he said in an Austrian accent. He looked at Onion Gratifying Furry Purple Beethoven Makeup and said “You’re on the naughty list RAUGH!” and in one hit, Octagon Grey Fire Porcupine Bloody Math defused back into Brola Fett, Girl Broly, Broly, Bio Broly and One Punch Man. But we need to have a finale so somehow Liqur got back there with his son Eyail and they wanted to take over Earth because everyone wants to do that. KV have an awesome finale with explosions and kapows and references and whatnot.

(Cue It’s All Too Much)



Some people exist. No one in this story exists anymore. Well, they do get to jump around as ghost blobs in HFIL wew lad. Everyone was dead. Liquir was never in this story that fuckin fuck.

There comes a time in everyone’s life when they just need to die already. Girl Broly was good at this, but not as good as Papa he died all the time and a whole bunch rip in piece.

It happened one day, a kid turned into a Kadabra, lookit dat stache!!

They chased Boblia Fett to some backwater planet that ain’t ever been named. There’s a swamp, it’s all so congested and brown. A worker bot, a Mismatch of sorts, used to live here. Here and in this exact location, the space bounty hunters, namely a guy named Spike because why the hell not even good anime can be stupid like that, lay in wait. The clones really were a bunch of fuckers betraying the jedi like that. When Bobiglia Fett was wading through the waste-deep swamp, suddenly they spring up like clones behind the pinhead jedi master ki adi mundi or whatever he’s called. Bam bam thank you ma’am you can parry one maybe two but bitch we got infinite ammo.

That’s the moral of the story as they call it in the wilds of oklahoma. In life sometimes you get fucked but most of the time nobody wants to fuck you. society is the condom brah

There was a big fat white light dancing in the sky, descending upon the carnage of yonder dead floating Bobert Fett. It was, as it is said, a happy crossmingling of emotions of and energy, enough to cause Basho to break out in haiku. This drivel makes me dribble.

Where in the eaves a bog imp might’ve dwelled, instead, a long purple tentacle descended from the bridge of falling light. Spike and the rest of those dirty rotten no good stinkin space bounty hunters ran for the hills. Every one of them got savagely eaten by a horrible space bog monster before they could make it. The tentacle continued on, slithering lustily towards the floating corpse of one Brobdingnag Fett. This was a gentle aquatic exploration.

“Ahaha, alright! Now we’re cookin’! Now we’re cookin’ real good!” a grey-eyed, black-haired boy from a nearby tree hooted. He busted out a foldy chair and leaned back on it precariously on the branch. Sitting back, he tilted his fuschia-rimmed sunglasses down and engorged himself upon buttered space popcorn as he watched the show.

At once, an apple hit him in the side of the head and that nigga fall like a log out of a tree. Resurfacing, he noticed another being standing on the branch, slender as a man of rather foxish features. The moon shone clear. The three-tailed fox had given baby Saiyan boy a quick spook.

“Oy Saggy Underhill!” He held up an apple, shining red. There was so much cyanide in it the boy got excited. “What about second breakfast?”

Bobbing in the murky, briny water, the boy’s attention turned once again to the purple tentacle exploring the not-yet-cold crevices of Bojangles the Fett. “I don’t think I know about second breakfast,” he sputtered from the river.

“What about elevensies?” Okinaro asked. “Luncheon?! Afternoon tea?! Dinner?! Supper?!?! Ya know about them, don’t ya?” He sounded so bitterly hopeful.

The tentacle retracted into the light and his flyin saucer went shooting off into the sky where it immediately collided with an asteroid. The explosion calls to mind another kind of explosion the tentacle must have experienced not three millennia prior in the deepest, gooiest depths of his excretory cavity. Necrophilia is, I suppose, a lot like second breakfast.