User blog:KidVegeta/KidVegeta's reviews

(click the archive 1 link above to see all my previous reviews, up to this point)

These reviews are just my opinions. I do not claim to be better or worse than anyone else here. But that's not to say I won't be critical. That I won't be unforgiving. That I won't go out of my way to list 100 cons for your story in a heartbeat. I will, and gladly. Remember gents; I didn't give you an E-. You gave yourself an E- when you decided to sit down and post your atrocity for all of us to see. I'm simply here to call you out on it. So grab ahold of your mommies gents, this is gonna be one long ride.

RATINGS:

S (highest)

A

B

C

D

E (lowest)

Comedy Story Ratings:

O + (highest)

O

R +

R

R - (lowest)

Auxiliary Pages (Blogs/User Pages/etc)

Rated from: 0.1 - 10.0

Explanation of ratings:

E rated stories are terrible. D rated stories are quite bad, but a little more tolerable than Es. C rated stories are ones that I consider below average. Average stories will be given B ratings. Good, decent stories will be given an A-, A, or A+. Amazing stories will be given an S- or S. Perchance that there is ever a fan fic that I review that is, quite simply the cat's pajamas that will get an S+.

Comedies are reviewed in the same manner as other stories, but will have a different rating system. This is because I feel that it's not fair to compare them to normal stories, given their intent. O+ is not inherently equivalent to S+; if my favorite story is a comedy, it will receive an S+ instead. There is no O- rating; that is on purpose.

For now, I'm going to start with the featured fan fictions, as well as I few others I have read. But, I will review any and all stories that are requested. I'll list pros and cons right now, because otherwise it would be too long.

DRAGON BALL FS
pros

He dun parodied mah story.

Honestly, the only part I found funny was the bit about some of the Uub chocolate getting on Goku, and him loving it.

cons

NCF

The author shows a clear lack of any grammatical abilities.

Poor Uub.

Copying my candy shop scene. Tsk tsk.

Meh, Goku’s new power was lame. The leap from chocolate to “fat” was predictable, too.

Your bit, thereafter, ‘bout all the stretch marks and botox and imploding, and other shit… none of it was funny.

Closing Thoughts: A troll tried to parody a masterpiece in comedic form, as obviously it would not able to compare in his regular ability. That said, this story still sucked. It’s one of the worst comedies on the site.

Final Rating: R-

HATERS GONNA HATE
pros

Can't honestly give this story any pros.

cons

Right off the get-go, I hated that you censored all swear words. The first time I read this, I didn't realize you were censoring "bitch", leading me to be quite confused. I'd rather you didn't censor them, and just put a warning template.

The rhyming in this story is simple, basic, lackluster. It has a wholly unappealing feel to it.

I don't like that this story is in the format of a rap song.

Far too much swearing. Let's face, this isn't anything Krillin would ever say, so that means this story is also very much OOC for him.

Besides its OOC aspects, it's wholly OOU as well.

There is a total lack of any signifigant plot/resolution/purpose at all in this fic.

Closing Thoughts: HGH is directionless. It is humorless. Annoying as hell. But most of all, this story is, without a doubt, the epitome of a waste of time.

Final Rating: R-

NOT REALLY SURE
pros

Some of the made up wiki usernames are clever.

Holds a sincere purpose.

cons

Although I said above that this story holds a sincere purpose, that purpose is ultimately irrelevant, as this wiki does not delete stories simply because they are bad. And don't be going into logical fallacy land with saying "it could happen!" or "it will happen... eventually!"

Totally unfunny. I don't know why this is classified as a comedy.

Too short and forced at the end. You had much more potential to work on, in that area of the story. Particularly the admins banning one another.

The formatting is poor, and makes the story hard to understand and read, especially on the first run through.

Closing Thoughts: I would have thought this story to be clever, brilliant even, had I not already done basically the same thing in A Mother's Love. And seeing as this story really doesn't have any comedic aspects to it, and it is still considered a comedy story, I have to give it the lowest comedy rating possible.

Rating: R-

JELLO
pros

Jello is delicious.

This is a silly story written with good technique.

The fact that this story isn't about sex (and is written by Aku) warrants a pro.

cons

Vegeta is out of character... again. This seems to be a staple of all Aku fics, unfortunately.

I think some of your sentences could be written better. For the most part, there is good writing, but it can get bad fast. For example, I felt there was something "off" about how you described the Jello at first.

“It’s worse than Bunny’s thighs!” - is a terrible bit of dialogue.

I think you wasted opportunity to make it funny on how you ended the story.

Overall, while some parts are humorous, this story just isn't that funny at all.

Closing Thoughts: An admirable first attempt by AkurnaSkullblaka at comedy. It's better than most others can do. But that's not saying much. It's still a shoddy attempt at comedy, that is only slightly funny; whereas most others have no comedic elements at all. Basically it had one or two vaguely humorous moments, and that is why it is given a rating above most of these other failed attempts.

Rating: R

GROKU
pros

Surprisingly average grammar.

cons

Completely asinine name, with simply adding an R to Goku. Good one!

Groku has a very simplistic, clichéd personality. We've seen this a million times before. He's mean, he's cruel. He's a king, he has lots of money. It would be loads better if you added in specialized personality aspects to him, things that only he has. For example (and I'm not suggesting you use any of these), he could be afraid of something (like water), he could collect things (like swords), he could have lupus. Just give him more depth. Something that will make us be able to love/hate him based on who he is.

Please make his profile picture smaller. It's obnoxiously large right now.

Knock 'em down is a very juvenile move name. Try to come up with something a little more interesting and creative. It will make your character look more acceptable.

20 ton weights is insanely high. It makes everything suddenly lose any credibility it had. Use gradual weight increases, starting with around 5-10 lb each, and work your way up.

This character has no weaknesses that I can see. You should make some. Because, of course, godmodding isn't fun to read, and from experience, I can say it's not fun (in the long run) to write.

You don't explain why he took over cities. That detail could use expanding.

The thing with Nail Jr. is a near perfect mimick of many of the escapades that Goku had in DB, when he was a kid. I would much prefer it if you created an original story.

There is no good explanation for why Groku knows the Kamehameha.

I don't like that he is a king, either.

Closing Thoughts: This character is devoid of many things. He is very simplistic and has a very simplistic backstory, which is just a ripoff of DB. And we don't like ripoffs. That said, this character could become average, decent even, if you were to fix those cons. Otherwise, he will remain a terribly uninspired bit of rubbish.

Final Rating: E-

SEMI-CHARMED
pros

That this is about Tarble is something that instantly makes me like it.

A decently well-written poem. I'd give it a 7/10 in terms of rhyming and word usage. It could be better, but it could also be much worse.

The incorporation of Gure was decent. Although, it's a bit weird (at least without some more explaining) why'd she give herself up to him so readily...

I very much like the point of view this is told from. The best parts of this poem were him constantly second guessing himself about Tarble.

cons

I think a bit too much time was spent on the pod crashing onto the planet. Probably could do with one less stanza about that.

I find the whole thing about the aliens treating Tarble as a God the demon, then letting him live was done too quickly, especially with all the "fluff" stanzas beforehand.

I don't much like that Tarble calls himself a Saiyan prince. Seems a bit OOC to me.

There is no logical reason for why they would let Tarble live in the end. Even if he was no longer considered a demon, I think it would make much more sense for them to just kill him anyway. It just feels like how they would act.

Closing Comments: I have little to add to this section that has not already been said. The poem itself is good; the plot is something I very much enjoyed and the writing is okay. It is certainly an admirable and unique one shot, and I would most definitely recommend it to anyone.

Final Rating: B

THE SIZE OF IT
pros

None.

cons

Goku is completely OOC.

The dialogue is ruddy terrible.

The scene of Goku and Chi Chi is completely unfunny and pointless.

Trying to get cheap laughs out of Goku having a boner, and Chi Chi's boobies just shows that you lack any comedic abilities.

Gohan is OOC.

I positively hate the stupid porn scene. It's so unnecessary and out of character for everyone.

'"'Woof, woof!! Look at the size of it''!!" '''- is pure trash.

Closing Thoughts: Simply put, this story was unfunny and lame. It's no more than a failed attempt at comedy, and I do not recommend anyone waste their time in reading it.

Final Rating: R-

DRAGON BALL: YAMI
pros

Not a one.

cons

You stole my lions. Not only are they annoying as hell, but they still also link to my blog. Good copy, bro.

Spelling, grammar, mechanics, usage... everything is done poorly.

Goku shooting a kamehameha at Uub like that is out of character.

The crossover aspect of this story is completely half-assed. Uub being shot into a pyramid then immediately coming out with 6 millenium items on is just nonsensical.

There is no buildup in this story. An example of this would be when "Suddenly the sky turns dark and monsters appear out of nowhere" To be blunt, that's really poor wriitng technique.

The Goku then Yami bit. Makes no sense whatsoever.

Same thing when after the shadow creatures come in randomly and then leave randomly nigh but a sentence later.

Vegeta turning into Bakura is very lame. Pretty darn lazy, too.

Bakura's speech to himself is stupid.

Don't you fucking dare use the word "ain't" in this POS again.

Disliked quite a bit that Vegeta so easily broke free of Bakura's control and went to find Goku. This is all so pointless.

Vegeta reaching Goku in 1 minute.

If Vegeta is no longer under Bakura's control, there is no reason why he would challenge Goku to fight.

Thus, Vegeta is OOC.

Goku wouldn't go only SS1 if Vegeta went SS2. That's just stupid bullshit.

The Goku and Vegeta fight was extremely lacking.

Dat orange Super Saiyan 3 hair. You draw it yourself, bro?

'''"Now the time for talk is over. The time for your demise has just begun." '''- is so incredibly lame, I cannot aptly put words to describe it.

The Bakura/Yami fight scene was poorly done. It was also written very plainly.

I hate that there is a huge lack of proper transitions. Especially considering that you go back and forth between different characters constantly.

Vegeta training with King Kai is ridiculous.

Him learning Kaioken is ridiculous.

And yet, this POS Supreme Super Saiyan 3 takes the cake.

I severely dislike how nearly all the dialogue is just one person explaining why he's so powerful to another.

All of your fight scenes are just people shooting beams of energy at each other. More importantly, they suck bigtime.

Poorly done change from third to second person around the end of the second chapter.

The explanation for how Bakura survived Goku's Kamehameha is asinine at best. At worst, it's a poorly conceived plot point with no redeemable qualities about it. And I really detest asspulls like that.

Goku wouldn't pass out from a simple Kamehameha. Ultra or not.

Uub is now wearing five of those pieces. For no reason, of course. This is such a great part.

Killing Uub was done quite lazily.

Bakura prolly should waste time flying to Egypt while he's already in Egypt.

"Zorc begins to burn everything" - Oh, that's a good twist!

The only thing you ever have Goku do is fire a Kamehameha. As if you're expecting us to believe that it will ever succeed.

Goku rehashing exactly what he did in the Buu saga, with asking everyone for energy for his spirit bomb is so completely trite I cannot stand it.

Moreover, the people wouldn't listen to him. If you remember, Hercule had to trick them to give Goku the energy. So once again, this is just another lazy asspull to get yourself out of an impossible situation, which YOU put yourself in.

The rest of the Z fighters would have already sensed Goku and Vegeta fighting.

Goku forms the Spirit Bomb far too quickly. If you remember in Z, it took him like 12 episodes to do it. Anything less, here, is just a lie.

Yamcha can't fire a wolf fang fist. It's a physical attack.

Everyone using their ultimate attacks together was spectacularly lame. I expected much more out of it, quite honestly.

Lame way to end that fight. "Zorc just kills them all, cept Goku of course".

But wait, Vegeta breaking free from Bakura's control again saves the day. I like how you say that he beats them forever no matter what. That was quite possibly the most anti-climactic ending to a fight I ever did read.

Lol, then you kill Vegeta too. That was quite poorly done. Also, you haven't explained why Goku was kept alive, and why Zorc went out of his way to basically kill every single person besides him.

It's far too coincidental to have Goku turn back into Yami again.

Defeating Zorc with the Yugioh monsters was pointless.

Indeed, I'd say including this story in the dragon ball universe served no point at all. It was basically just a duel between two yugioh guys with random DB characters being killed along the way. Totally pointless.

Of course, after all this, Goku would destroy everything with a Kamehameha.

But of course everyone is revived. I knew it. Why bother killing them if you're just gonna bring them back?

If Yami is the good guy in heaven, his name shouldn't mean "darkness". That's stupid.

Closing Thoughts: ss11 has returned to the wiki in grand form, to post for us perhaps his worst story ever. This one is about as bad as V, if not worse. The characters suck, there is no plot, there is no point, there is no connection between the crossover elements. This is absolute trash. A hideous story with no redeeming qualities in it at all. I hated it thoroughly from start to finish; every second of it.

Final Rating: E-

LIKE A BITCH
pros

I very much enjoy how out of character everyone is; TB included.

The TB dialogue, where you constantly mocked my writing was really funny to me.

Breaking The Benefactor's knife and having him hide his tears over it was my favorite part of this story.

Roshi's introduction was incredibly well done. I laughed quite a bit at it.

The entire concept of this story was really funny. Inherently funny, as it were - which is unlike many other comedies that start out with a terrible concept and try to make that funny.

TB's death. 'Nuff said.

Overall, this is a great work of humor. One of, if not the best on the site.

cons

Some of the jokes, particularly the Roshi or Vegeta dialogues seemed somwhat strained or forced. Like you were trying too hard to make them funny. And they kind of ended up being not funny because of that.

I found TB's speeches after Roshi appeared to be rather mediocre. Considering that his dialogue was spot on brilliant before, this was really a noticeable contrast in quality.

Something about the wild sensing was a bit off. I think it has to do a bit with TB being super confident at this point, which I didn't much find funny at all.

Closing Thoughts: As a whole, I feel the story started out very strong but it degraded a bit in quality as it went on. I think the best jokes were in the beginning, when you were making fun of how I write and such, but it got less and less funny as you went on. That said, the ending redeemed it a bit, what with TB blowing up how he did. Overall,I enjoyed this story, and it's one of the few that have ever made me laugh outloud. I would recommend it to anyone as one of the better comedies on the site.

Final Rating: R+

DRAGON BALL TEMPORAKAI: TRUNKS IN HELL
pros

Even if you didn't make them yourself, I enjoy the pictures.

The concept of the Ultra Super Saiyan 3 is okay; it would be slightly better if it was Ascended Super Saiyan 3, but I could see why you wouldn't want to use that word.

I think the concept of using old unnamed Saiyans is kind of cool.

I actually like that Trunks was overwhelmed by King Vegeta in the end, even if I don't like any of the aspects of that fight.

cons

This story has very poor spelling/grammar/set up. All that jazz.

Writing this in present tense just doesn't work.

In addition, the writing is very childish. It seems like every time a big, or uncommon word is used, it's awkward, as if the writer does not know how to properly include such words.

The lack of a starting point for this story is troublesome. For one, I have no reference point as to where this story begins. Is it after Z? After GT? Part of some other timeline? The story just begins, without any buildup or any type of jumping off point, which is really confusing. I'd recommend at least putting a cursory summary in the beginning as to what this story actually is.

I assume that this story is part of a bigger story. And therefore, in that, it is explained why Trunks is dead in the first place. That's fine, but I was only asked to review this story, so I have no knowledge of anything else that has happened in this series. As I've mentioned before, it would be infinitely helpful for you to post reasons for all of this, or at least link back to the other story this one is branching off of.

Having Trunks to go hell to fight with Piccolo (now I am assuming this is after GT, by the way) is a very forced and fanboy-ish plot point. Remove it, please.

Every time someone speaks, make a new paragraph. Please.

Also, having Trunks be refused access to hell was almost an okay idea. Almost. Until you went and had him ki blast the road to get himself in trouble. That kind of a plan is very lame and lazy. Why bother even having him be denied access, if he will get in one sentence later? Basically what I'm trying ot say is that you lack buildup; you need to write about these things in a more gradual way. But it is just not good enough to create a potential plot point like that, and resolve it in a only a few words later.

Trunks being so pissy and agitated is out of character for him.

In the second chapter, again, you are using words that you either do not know, or are not comfortable using, and it just comes off as unreadable and awkward. I'd rather you write continuously simple if that's all you can manage. I understand that not everybody has a huge vocabulary, and it is perfectly fine to not have one, but it is not necessary to try and convince us that you do.

I think it would be a great place for character/relationship development between Piccolo and Trunks if you were to put some effort into having Trunks tell Piccolo why he died. Your sentence about cowardice thereafter is unhelpful to us. We don't know how he died, and you are assuming we do. So talking about his death in such a way is just a recipe for pure confusion.

Again, it's quite fanboyish to have Trunks be accepted to help Piccolo so quickly. Trunks isn't stronger than Piccolo, and I doubt many of the hell residents are stronger than Piccolo either, so logically, there isn't much reason for Trunks being needed here.

It would greatly improve your writing if you stopped using cliches, like "Goten is just like his father a born fighter, and a born hero."

There is no explanation for how Trunks reached Super Saiyan 2. This needs to be fixed.

Using indirect dialogue is something that doesn't particularly work here, and it gets muddied even more considering that your chapters are all (usually) one or two big paragraphs. So it makes it very hard to read. I also think using a little less indirect dialogue on a whole would be good. I much prefer direct dialogue, as it shows the story in the here and now; it's much more... crisp.

"When Vegeta finally devised a plan to unlock the power it was considered cruel and devilish, but most agreed it was the only way to stop the power block and help him gain control of himself." - Once more, stuff like that is nigh incomprehensible. You need to be very clear and specific when talking about the past. And, quite frankly, if writing out such a thing is only going to detract from the story, you may as well not include it.

The transformation "Ultra Super Saiyan 3" was, unfortunately, not given a very good introduction. Trunks' method for reaching it is also pretty illogical, considering the fact that he is much weaker than Goku/Gohan/Vegeta. It doesn't make sense to me that he could reach a level of power beyond theirs, when they could not, themselves.

In the same token of me liking the Saiyan plot point in hell, I severely detest that they are all Super Saiyans. It really cheapens the "specialness" of the form; moreover, it just shows a lazy excuse for as to why they would beat Trunks, given that they should not be able to any other way.

Even more terrible is the fact that these Saiyans were holding off SS Trunks while in their base forms. As well, by no means should SS1 Unnamed Saiyan guy be able to beat SS2 Trunks. That is really, really bad. Please remove or fix that.

It's not a good plot point that King Vegeta knows Trunks to be his grandson. Granted, it is possible that he would know, but really, it's just laziness and wasted space for character development. I've noticed a pattern in this fic of the author taking the easy way out, almost always, which is not something that should have been done.

And no, the stuff about the oracle in hell is not a satisfactory explanation. Such a thing does not exist in the Dragon Ball universe, so briefly mentioning it as a way out of this mess is just an asspull.

King Vegeta talks inconsistently. He's out of character almost constantly.

Needing a new Saiyan Prince is a terrible plot point. Why do they need a prince? What does a prince do? Simply saying they need one for the sake of nothingness is a pointless waste of time.

Sharrotto being the most beautiful Saiyan woman, as well as falling in love with Trunks (before either of them had every met) is pure fanboyism. I would strongly suggest you change this part.

Your use of the word "decline" is really out of place.

Okay, several things about this "love" thing. I'm assuming the whole reason why King Vegeta wanted Trunks to come to him was to marry this girl. Given how brutal and militaristic the Saiyan culture is, this is really out of character - well, really, it's out of race. These "Saiyans" do not act anything like Saiyans should.

I dislike that King Vegeta can go Super Saiyan 2.

I dislike, even more, how King Vegeta is even with Trunks, even though Trunks is at a higher level of Super Saiyan.

The fights are too short. You also use the same "attacks" a lot, which leads it to being boring to read.

Killing Piccolo was lame at best. The Saiyans are far too overpowered that it's terrible to read. You know, Piccolo wouldn't have gone to hell, knowing that everyone was so much stronger than him and would, obviously, kill him. He went there knowing he could keep the order. Knowing that he was the strongest. So having him not even be able to take on low-level Saiyan warriors just seems very hackneyed to me in the sense that they are your characters, and you want them to win.

I also felt like your cliffhanger of "more Dragon Balls" was the epitome of terribleness, of what was wrong with the Dragon Ball universe.

Final Thoughts: This story was not very good. It had poor grammar, a very bad plot, and stale, one-dimensional characters. For the most part, it was terribly cliched and boring; for the rest it was unreadable from all the confusion it induced. However, that said, if I were to say this story was the worst on the site, that would be simply untrue. There are many that are far worse than this (even if there are quite a few that are better), so in that sense it is somewhat of an admirable attempt at a story. I still must give it a low mark, however.

Final Rating: E+

USER TALK:SONIKFAN112/ARCHIVE2
pros Hyper Zergling is so right about that template stuff. Also he called sonik arrogant which I found mega lulzy.

I like the part when that one user asks how to make a template then doesn't sign his name.

Bardock was very polite.

Good job, Werty, on getting PTSN demoted!

KamehamehaSaiyan said thankies. He is also the new person.

HZ a rollback? Yes yes yes.

That picture of Chaiva is so very good.

"This is no good....."

HalerN had this great idea of a Dragon Ball club. It's good to see users with ideas.

Ah, the great beginning to all the PTSN sockpuppets began here. As HalerN put, so aptly, "That is not the grammar PTSN does".

I like that sonik is the go-to guy for blocking vandals. I do mean this with all seriousness.

120.28.64.72 begging for his user rights is among the funniest things on this page. Of course it was someone else using his IP!

DT looks promising.

KamehamehaSaiyan's legitimate request to delete his two pages is very good.

VTLSS is absolutely correct about the admin election. It's about the only thing he has been correct about, but that's okay.

Also, The Dark Prince requesting to be a rollback was a rib-tickler.

I like the idea of Sonikfan writing a Dragon Ball story. Especially as a collaboration.

I like master chief.

I very much liked that sonik and werty came up with the idea to start up the polls again.

Aw, that was sweet of Werty to go and say KidVegeta would be a good admin.

The main page discussion is very good. I think this is one of the few administrative things that werty and sonik have both been a part of.

Article of the month; good idea, I like it.

Superfusion's sig looks lovely.

Same for Destructivedisk's.

HZ showing Supersaiyian11's bullshit for what it really is is the funniest thing on this page.

SuperFusion had good deduction about sonikfan not knowing is IP address.

"Dear SonikFan112,

Thanks for looking out. You can help me by telling other users about Minza or Leon.

From, Vegetajr4 "

cons

"My talk page was getting to big to properly browse through, so I have archived it. The page is un-editable to normal users, and is only there for reference. SonikFan112 20:55, October 14, 2010 (UTC)"

Gawd, HZ, stop saying stuff is no problem.

Oh Raging Blast, and his "official" pictures.

Superfusion's sig is ruddy terrible.

Well, getting banned is not so good.

KamehamehaSaiyan is asking about content boxes.

PTSN making the main page editable is downright despicable.

Werty, that was a terrible fail with all your main page protecting. As NomadMusik correctly pointed out, it was a secret.

120.28.64.72 was a mean vandal for calling ZZ bullshit.

Too bad DT didn't turn out well.

Oh, VTLSS, stop with your template whining.

The Dark Prince using overly formal language to request a vandal block, then failing at it is is a dark spot on this page.

Meh, I dislike TDP wasting sonik's talk page space with his "oh every picture is blank for me I swear".

That Prince of Persia pic is obnoxiously large.

Too bad that wiki contest never went anywhere.

Sonikfan's bubble text sig is downright hideous.

Supersaiyian11 calling VT the best story on the site besides IP and TF is, well, just not true.

That, and ss11 using dd's sig to hide his own agenda was just slimey. He was super slimey.

Sonikfan, don't go "huh" like that. It just makes you look, well, you know...

I very much dislike ss11's sockpuppet, TGODB. Shame on him for undoing that edit.

NM's fearmongering blog was a waste o' space.

Closing Thoughts: Well, certainly this page is a good way to see a slice of the history of the Dragon Ball Fanon wiki. It has quite a few users (if only it had that cool kid on it too) commenting on it, as well as mentioning several of our most key events that have taken place. It's pretty cool to re-read all this stuff. Although, my biggest complaints are how stupid most of the user acted, including sonik, himself, as well as most of the other nublets. It's nice to see that at least sonik has matured from that time, way back when.

Final Rating: 6.5/10

SS11 REVIEWS
pros

I can appreciate that Supersaiyian11 realized his stories have bad spelling and grammar.

cons

GT part 2, a fic which ss11 wrote himself, is the most detailed review that ss11 has given to date. This should come as no surprise, because (though it is filled with constant spelling mistakes) his ulterior motives can be seen, clear as day. There is one reason, and one reason only as to why this review is so much more detailed than any of ss11’s other reviews; quite simply, he planned it. It’s a fake review. He was trying to convince us that this was not his sock puppet by criticizing the story. But that was just a pathetic attempt at duplicity. He wrote the story, so he could easily know all that stuff about using other names for “eyes” constantly. He made up the name Irisian and then called it lame. He had the ability to add pictures but didn’t; all clear signs of his treachery.

In ss11’s review of IP, I must say that he is surprisingly tame. His usual bullshit is kept to a minimum here, with only a few terribly inane cons, like “0 fusions”, or “Yajorobe saved the day even through Krillin was the main character.” Such things simply show off his childish delusions that clichés are necessary for a good story. Actually, he went farther than that. In one fell swoop, he called IP original, then bashed its original aspects in his cons section. ... Clearly ss11 has no idea what he is talking about.

For The Forgotten, let’s look at each of his cons:
 * -good story but way too long
 * -the name doesn't sound exciting.
 * - no pictures
 * Goten aint Gohan's son.

Clearly, things like “the name doesn’t sound exciting” and “no pictures to help my hopelessly unimaginative thoughts” show a clear lack of any ability to criticize a story. Ss11 is whining, basically. This is not a review, but a piss-poor attempt at a rant. And it goes nowhere at all to help me, as a writer, to figure out how to fix my story. So in that sense, this review is a complete and utter failure.

At best, I would call Supersaiyan11’s stories 'horribly clichéd pieces of filth'. So, in his self reviews of his own stories, something which is a bad thing in and of itself (since no one asked him to review his own stories), he goes out of his way to call his stories “creative”, “original”, and “action packed”. Exciting words, aren’t they? Suffice to say, that is no more than a lie. A waste of bytes. But over that, the most interesting thing garnered from his self reviews is that he knows he has terrible spelling and grammar and yet he continues to write with that terrible technique.

With ss11’s review of AP, it’s as if he is trying his hardest to make it better than it is. Specifically, he pointed out the good grammar, something which he most assuredly forgot in his IR and IP reviews. Bias notwithstanding, his cons make little sense. The “no pictures” thing is a reoccurring theme of his bitching; just because he has no imagination himself, he feels it necessary to offer insightful posts like “include pictures so I don’t have to think at all!” Yeah. As well, I would say that there is no clear reason as to why he liked this story so much. There was no articulation in that aspect of it being so good. All of his pros in cons were pretty generic.

At last, I am finally glad to see a helpful review of IR. Owait, this isn’t sonik’s blog. No, this is shit. Ranging from insightful comments about Buu’s lameness, to Buu being too weak, ss11’s review takes us absolutely nowhere in the journey of bias through his mind. Of course he hates Buu. We all know that. Pink is a girly color. Right on. But as a review, this is pure trash. There’s not a single redeeming quality to his bitching at this point; quite frankly, he needs to grow up.

When I first read the review of KC, I laughed; and quite a bit. The thing is, ss11 knows it was a comedy. That’s about all he can comprehend, as far as its subtleties go, but still he definitely knew that. Template or not. The reason why he did go and review it, knowing that, in a “serious” manner, is because this is basically the only opportunity for him to try to make a story look worse than his own. As if that is possible. In the end, this review just solidified ss11’s position as the wiki’s asshat.

Closing Thoughts: This is, surprisingly not so clearly cut, the worst reviews blog on the site. Aside from giving the wiki members something worse than their own writing to criticize, the blog holds no purpose. Don’t waste time reading it.

Final Rating: 0.2/10

DRAGON BALL: THE NEW GENERATION
pros

I like the Gotenks hitch hiker picture.

The story is written somewhat decently, in the sense that it is structured very episodically. I do not mean to say that it has good spelling or grammar though, because it has neither.

Cons

I have to say that this is not a good attempt at writing in script form. There is minimal stage direction and action/detail. Almost all of it is pure dialogue. The dialogue is also formatted weakly with the actions, so that it is very hard to read and understand. The format is trying to copy TF, and well it just can’t. Sorry to say, but it’s a really poor attempt.

I dislike that this story is based on Trunks/Goten/Pan.

It is a little thing, but you do it about 1000 times. Please put a space after the character + colon part. Please.

Grammar could use some cleanup. You frequently capitalize (what seems to be) random words. You also sometimes forget to make proper contractions, such as when you say “Im” instead of “I’m”.

Holding a party every year to honor Omega Shenron’s defeat is just forced. The Z fighters never did that with anyone else, and I highly doubt they would do that here.

What the heck is a regular citizen doing at the Z fighter’s secret party?

Goten and Trunks are having a pizza competition. Whoop dee fucking doo. Really, it is rather boring.

Trunks’ and Pan’s match is far too random and sudden.

Dislike that Trunks would ever need to go SS1 against Pan.

I’m not going to waste a line for every person, but as far as I can tell every single person is out of character; by a lot. Uub is the worst offender, in my opinion.

Cell was not defeated when Goten was alive. He was barely even conceived at that time.

Panthera’s introduction by Uub was such a let down. “Oh there’s this android more perfect than Cell. We never knew about him or nothing, but (promise) he’s stronger than any of us unless you magically unlock super Saiyan 2 and save the day in the most original way possible.”

Uub’s and Goten’s conversation was a waste of time.

Uub giving Goten power makes no sense.

No offense, but I honestly hate how much you butchered Korin’s character. Second worst showing of him I’ve ever seen.

I dislike you use the narrator so much. I don’t much like that you open and close with him at all, but using him in the middle of chapters is bad. Simple descriptive actions would be a much better approach.

Panthera’s real intro is so sudden and confusing that it left me unable to appreciate his actual character.

All of Panthera’s dialogue is either clichéd, awkward, or both.

I wish you would use a wider variety of techniques for the Z fighters. Pan and Trunks in particular just use the same move over and over and over again.

Half of the dialogue is everyone just grunting or screaming out their favorite technique + ha! It gets old very quickly.

“So this is the... Ultimate Android? Im just going to Kamehameha him into oblivion.”

Panthera hits Goten with a kamehameha, and yet you completely ignore it after that. Goten doesn’t dodge, he doesn’t get hit… I have no idea, really. It’s as if you lost track of what was occurring.

The stuff about the hell portal is completely incoherent.

Korin brings up a good point. Aqan is a really bad name for the fusion of Baby and Buu. As well, Buu wasn’t in hell. At this point, he only exists in Uub. I hate that you disregarded that.

At this point, though, Korin is only in this story because you like him. He’s not normally on the lookout. I see no reason why he’s suddenly such a big part of the lookout’s discussion, other than you like him as a character.

Panthera saying “Oh God…” is out of universe.

Goten should not know Kaioken.

You use far too many energy attacks in battles.

The beam struggle between Goten and Panthera is was very disappointing from its lack of epicness.

'''“Panthera is being bashed around by Goten's limitless power! However, Panthera seems to be supressing against Goten, Well that's what Uub thinks!” - ''' Up to this point, there has been no indication that Panthera was holding back. Uub has also yet to comment on this fight, as it is happening, at all. The narrator is not here to introduce to us new things, but merely recap or explain.

Goten is far stronger than Panthera. It makes no sense that he would let Panthera mess around with Trunks and Pan.

Goten’s super Saiyan 2 transformation was poorly done.

Again, the narrator saying that Panthera will surely be destroyed and looking ahead to the next saga is a poor use of this tool. There’s no need to even mention Aqan right now if he has no impact on this fight.

Logically, Vegeta should be at this party. As to why he’s not attacking… that’s not explained. The others, like Uub, if they were in character, would also not sit back and let Goten fight this guy alone.

Kaioken is overused, in the Panthera fight alone.

Kaioken x150 is just obnoxious.

Perhaps the worst scene I have ever read:

“(Back on the Lookout.)

'''Korin:It's offical, Panthera is doomed. '''

'''Dende:Don't get too hopeful.. Aqan might come early..'''

'''Korin:Hah! Ill just use my awesome cat skillz to kill him!'''

Dende and Uub: (FACEPALM)

Korin:Well, i have 700 senzu beans in my staff..

'''Uub:Just shut up Korin.. You can't even defeat Hercu--'''

Korin:MASENKOOO

Uub:When did you learn to do tha---

(The blast hits Uub)

Uub:Ow!

Korin:I've gotten stronger, you know..”

I cannot get over how bad that dialogue is.

That part where Goten is explaining to Pan what his attack is, as he is using it.

They would have killed Panthera. No way he’d be allowed to just leave. He’s far too dangerous for that.

Korin can’t just use telepathy to contact Trunks. He doesn’t have that power.

All this Aqan suspense makes no sense. Once again, where is Vegeta?

Saying that Goten is about as strong as Goku now is either a lie, or an egregious attempt at overpowering.

You would think Uub would have a plan to deal with Aqan if no one else could get there in time.

Still don’t see why Gohan or Vegeta or any other capable Z fighter is helping out here…

Stop trying to make facepalm jokes over Korin’s sudden ineptitude.

I don’t see how weather could effect Korin’s telepathy abilities.

The ketchup/mustard/insane power levels analogy is the worst analogy I have ever seen.

Panthera’s inclusion at this point (the opening battle against Aqan) is totally unnecessary. It’s like when Frieza came to Earth, except if he were to have tripped over a pebble and killed himself.

Korin should not have to contact Goten. Obviously, he should be able to feel Aqan’s power level.

Tien is overzealous. He would never act like this.

Aqan and Tien talking at each other should not have been included. It’s a total waste of time.

You keep talking about how stupid the name Aqan is. Tien, Korin, everyone else is right. It don’t make sense. And it sucks.

Tien should be no match for Aqan. You show his power about at least Omega Shenron’s level. Do I honestly need to explain why that’s a con?

Overall, Tien and Aqan’s fight may have been one of the poorest attempts at combat I’ve ever seen. The sudden jerks in domination should be impossible; more importantly, they dash away any sense of credibility this fight could have had.

Pan is going Super Saiyan 1. Everyone else can do that. It’s not that big of the deal. Adding lava and huge earth cracks won’t disguise that.

You’ve used that “other unneeded screams” joke before. Don’t use it again.

I’d say a good 99% of your dialogue that you write is unnecessary and pointless.

GTFO 9001 joke.

GTFO drugs joke.

GTFO Pan thinking about Venus.

The Pan vs. Aqan fight is tedious at best. It goes on far too long with them merely punching each other. You can only say the same thing so many times….

I fail to see any significance for all the aura color changes.

Trunks coming in next was predictable. Just as it was with Pan losing, hence why I could not take her fight seriously at all.

Of course it will be the same with Trunks. At the very least, there is no way he will beat Aqan alone. It will probably be Gotenks to beat him anyway.

Your chapter titles offer too many spoilers.

I dislike that Aqan gets hit so much. It just gives him the appearance of someone who has no skill, but tons of power, AKA Gohan. And trust me, we don’t need another Gohan in this story.

Lazy explanations, like when you constantly say something like X punched Y a million times.

I dislike your fight progression style. First you have whoever is the newcomer beat up on the bad guy, then eventually this reverses until the bad guy reads. It’s very predictable, and even more boring.

I’m tired of the world going batshit crazy every time someone powers up.

Trunks has used the big bang attack at least a dozen times so far in his attack against Aqan. I think 2 times would be pushing it. But six is just insane.

That part about Aqan and Trunks discussing the terms of their beam struggle - yeah, that was horrible.

Using horrible attempts at humor to cover bad dialogue will not work for you in the short run, nor the long run. Stop doing it, please.

Meh, Giga Trunks.

This idea of 1 Z fighter vs. Aqan is not that bad. But you do it 1 per an episode, and your episodes lack any other substance. This is just a showcase.

I dislike Aqan suppressing his power level.

Vegeta’s “death” as it were, being blown up by a star, is about the stupidest thing I’ve ever read anywhere.

One recurring theme I’ve seen is you questioning your own ridiculous concepts. Be them Aqans name, the myriad instances of terrible dialogue, or even Vegeta’s death, you always ask yourself why. And, almost every time the answer is simply “Because!”. I think it would be better if you just ignored these problems. Because addressing them only shows that you have no explanation. Please, from now on, just keep your problems a secret, okay?

Teleport. Kamehameha. Teleport. Kaioken. Teleport. Kamehameha. Etc…

Trunks’ swearing was very out of place.

By this point, there is honestly no point as to why Uub isn’t helping the three kids.

Pan’s “bomb” attack was destined to fail.

Goku’s random appearance in front of old Kai is wholly unneeded.

This Aqan fight is far too long.

They didn’t need to send Tien to tell Goten and Trunks to fuse. Korin could just as easily used telepathy, like he always does.

Meh, flaming neo tri beam. I don’t like any of these made up names.

Aqan has yet to kill anyone. He can’t kill “anyone anymore”.

I hate it that Gotenks is still using the same 3 attacks that everyone else has used for this fic’s entire duration.

The word “treachery” was used quite improperly in the “Gotenks Returns!” chapter.

I don’t get it. You already said Aqan was at full power… and now retconning him back to 50% power? This makes no sense.

Stop it with all the useless comedy. Pan breaking the fourth wall is neither funny nor relevant. The plot is not moving forward at all.

Kid Aqan makes no sense.

The entire chapter, “Aqan Overwhelmed” is useless. It seems like you found out the story was bad and tried to make it funny to cover that up, but it failed miserably. As with before, stop it with all the comedy, please.

I also want to mention at this point that aside from random bad guys fighting Trunks and Goten, this story lacks any sort of plot at all.

Closing Thoughts: For a moment, I considered this story to be one of the few non E- ones. Then I read it. Sad to say, but it was all downhill from there.

Final Rating: E-

RAGING BLAST'S USERPAGE (VERSION 2)
pros

Love that it's about Raging Blast.

Love the Death Note reference.

Love your avatar.

Love your 2455 edits.

Love that you were a member since June 22, 2010.

Love that there is a button for me to edit your page.

cons

This is still a pointless userpage that offers us no relevant information about the user. For that reason, and that reason alone this userpage is still about as bad as the last one; however, it is a bit less preachy. That makes it a bit better.

Closing Thoughts: I like this version more than the first one. I know, that was very insightful.

Final Rating: 1.5/10

THE ULTIMATE BATTLE IN ALL OF THE UNIVERSE
pros

One moment made me smile - “Oh my gawd, such muscles..." the pharaon said.”

cons

Goten’s boyfriend was a swing and a miss.

I very much became bored Goku and the Gang spent endless sentences just talking about the huge power.

You often confuse “flied” for “flew”

Piccolo is unfunny and OOC. A very striking combination, when you think about it.

Goten being a nerd and all is pretty meh.

“As he said that, he was punched by "Doomsday" in the face.” - Could be a whole lot clearer who “he” is.

… SS4 is a new transformation?

Vegeta constantly screaming out “Neeeeeerd” is just downright annoying.

SS25 was not funny.

I think it could have had the potential to be funny if you could have written the death of Doomsday a bit better.

Vegito eating tons of senzus. I could have seen this being slightly funny if, say, Yajirobe or Korin had brought a huge bag of them. But as is, it is just bad.

The hulk. Not a very funny choice for inclusion.

Seeing as you went out of your way to tell us about Doomsday and The Hulk, I think giving an explanation as to who the heck Yugi Moto is would be greatly appreciated. At this point, I’m struck with confusion, not

Didn’t like that part where the guy started crying because the Hulk was not gay.

SS345234523452345.

I dislike the frequency of the gay jokes. Would like to have some more variety of humor in this story.

WTF Moses quote.

The random Moses scene battling pharons or whatever is completely pointless.

Hitler… really?

God is such a douche bag.

Again, Moses making the Hulk gay is just using the same joke over and over again.

Too much time acceleration. Unfunny, it is.

Uh, yeah. The batman stuff was a pretty big let down.

Closing Thoughts: Yay, another comedy. I had hoped to laugh, but I just couldn’t. It was not funny. There was one scene that made me smile and that was it. The rest of the story was pretty much a big waste of space. Sorry to say, but this was a failed attempt at comedy.

Final Rating: R-

USER TALK:CHOCOLATEADDICTJR
Pros

Good welcome message.

KidVegeta really has a gorgeous sig.

I like the kitty.

“Aight.”

KidVegeta was completely, and I do mean completely right about how to properly color text. He is a really great communicator.

I like the kitty on the second CAJ chat bubble too.

CAJ’s “…” response to SSJ3Ascension.

Cons

I like chocolate as much as the next guy, but srsly… this is too much.

Snake is a truly horrible character.

I dislike that little - 100px that hovers over every one of CAJ’s chat bubbles.

Oh HZ and his Linkin Park.

RB was completely, and I do mean completely wrong about how I colored my text.

Join the DBWI. Ha.

I dislike that “haters gonna hate cocoa” sig.

SSJ3Ascension is poignant as ever.

Android Queen sounds like a very bad idea.

Joseph Morgan going crazy over people calling him out on his poor attempt at a photoshop. As well, CAJ should not have called it a joke, because we really did mean it when we said that was a bad one.

Closing Thoughts: A very weird page with many references and posts by undesirables. I think the only saving grace was the continued presence of myself.

Final Rating: 3.7/10

DRAGON BALL DA: WAR ON EARTH
pros

Generally good spelling and okay grammar.

Full Powered Super Saiyan 2 is a decent idea.

I liked Mr. Satan’s random comment on the fakeness of beam struggles.

I liked that Vegeta defeated Goku in the tourney.

The actual fights in the tourney, although not being written that well, are all decent. None are too far out there.

I have to say, I like what you did with Vegeta vs. Yamu and Spopovich. It’s better than what’s in the anime/manga.

It’s cool that Metamorrans are included in this story.

I appreciate Janemba vs. Super Buu; as it is far more original than much of the rest of this story.

The three way free for all fight with Gohan/Buu/Janemba was actually pretty cool.

It’s a small thing, but I really appreciate that you mention the Potara earrings to be stronger than the fusion dance.

I like the Kid Buu and Bibidi scene.

I like the touch of Gohkan’s fusion having black hair, even in Super Saiyan.

Trying to make Slug canon by placing him after Buu is an all right move.

Broly vs. Goku and Vegeta was mildly interesting. I think Great Ape Broly was a bit of originality, and I like it.

I like that your Super Saiyan 4 is a continuation of what Super Saiyan 3 looks like, and is not GT red-haired version.

cons

It’s been 5 years since I read DA. The least you could do is tell me when this story starts. I know it’s alternate timeline, but still. We need some guidance here.

The writing style is very plain. As with Bloodlines, it’s just sentence after sentence with very little emotion or excitement. It’s almost like you are listing everything. As well, the sentence transitions, themselves, are not very good which makes this a choppy read.

Build up in this story is non-existent. You basically say “Gohan heard screams” then in the next sentence he find the androids. The same thing occurs throughout the entire story, especially at the end of the Buu saga, where it took Goku no more than a few paragraphs to make an entire spirit bomb big enough to destroy Kid Buu.

Often times, dialogue is very bad. I would say a good 80% of it makes me feel embarrassed for you.

Gohan defeats androids 21 and 22 far too quickly. I also think it’s fairly ridiculous that 22 would tell Gohan exactly where the lab is.

Every time someone new talks, it’s imperative that you make a new paragraph. Please.

There is no explanation for if Gohan destroyed the lab or what, the next chapter just takes place in school. That is some mighty poor transitioning.

I’ve never thought it logical that in a simple sparring match Vegeta and Trunks would hurl finishers (like the Final Flash) around so easily. Personally, I think they shouldn’t use stuff like that at all in training.

Vegeta is way way way OOC.

Trunks too.

Goku too.

The Goku vs. Janemba fight is so sudden and confusing that I have no idea what is going on.

There should be an explanation for how Goku is “seeing” back into Earth. This part is otherwise very unclear and confusing.

I don’t like that the tourney is so similar to the canon one, in the Buu saga.

Goku becoming an angry Super Saiyan in his fight against Vegeta is strange… and very much a showcasing of OOC-ness.

Shin lost his match vs. Videl. Krillin should have fought her, not him.

Vegeta vs. Dabura was too short.

I dislike how easily Vegeta went Majin and killed Dabura. It really seems out of place how fast all of this is occurring.

“[Vegeta] fired a blast down on him, which came out the other side of the Earth.” - stuff like that is just an example of poor writing choices.

I really don’t see the need for Goku and Vegeta to fight again now, after they just did so in the tourney a few chapters back. It comes off as clichéd and very unoriginal.

I dislike that Vegeta knows instant transmission now.

It would be mighty helpful if you explained who Senryaku and Ganko were, again.

Vegeta’s sacrifice could have had more impact had it been written in a more emotional way.

The Super Buu/Gotenks battle follows to closely to the actual story.

I find Super Buu’s dialogue to be very stale and predictable. You could use some of this time to develop his character.

Super Buu uses his Gack attack constantly. Try to use a wider variety of attacks, please.

I think your version of Ultimate Gohan is too vague and spontaneous.

I think most of the hell villians’ dialogue is off.

The potara earings and Buu absorbing Gotenks are basically ripoffs from the canon story. At this point, aside from the minor inclusion of janemba, this story is playing out exactly like the anime - and that is not a good thing.

I don’t like that you made Kibito Kai over again.

I don’t like that you did the same exact thing with Tien that the canon story did.

No to Gohan absorbed Buu.

I don’t like anything about the Vegito scene.

Demon Buu is a very bad concept. It also was done far too quickly. Kid Buu himself only lasted about 3 or so paragraphs before transforming. That was not a good idea at all.

I don’t understand why you have Goku so much weaker than Vegeta.

I’ve noticed on several occasions that the word “crater” is misspelled as “greater”.

Kid Buu’s end, death by spirit bomb was heavily rushed and forced. It was just a watered down version of the same attack in the show.

How is the Namekian blood tainted?

Lord Slug was tolerable, but adding Broly into this is just bad.

It was seems very random that Konch would heal Broly at this time. It would make sense if Slug was going to use the Saiyan… but, well, he didn’t…

By the third saga, you are saying that Piccolo was amazed that Trunks and Goten could go SS2. Yet, clearly, both of them went Super Saiyan 2 before. Even if Piccolo wasn’t with them at the time, remember, he was watching the Kid Buu battle, so he would have already seen this.

Yamcha should not have a power level of 2 million. That’s far too high.

The rice cooker trick with Mr. Satan was very poorly done.

No, it’s not logical that the Namekians would know about the evil containment wave.

Uh, that thing about the Namekian getting sucked into a black hole and thereafter getting tons of Dark Energy mutations from it is horrible.

The part where Goten and Trunks went Super Saiyan 3 was very unclear. I think that could use some more explaining… especially the part where the two kids acquired the power to go SS3.

Shear is an okay character but he has no personality. Like everyone else in this story, he has no development of his own self; this leads us, the readers, to not be able to connect or feel for these characters at all. Any of them.

I think all of these fights drag on too long. It would be nice for you to make some time for some non-fighting plot expansion.

Come on now. Having Konch create a black hole and then have him punch through it is very infantile.

Overall, I think adding in Broly, if only to get Goku and Vegeta to run away onto a different planet for a while is a very forced plot point.

I think in his final stand Konch is way too powerful. Ultimate Gohan, Piccolo, Janemba, SS3 Trunks, SS3 Goten, Majin Buu… all of them combined is an insane level of power. I highly doubt that merely fusing with that black hole freak would raise his power from not being able to fight any of them, to beating them all together. It just does not make sense.

Vegeta’s ascendancy to SS4 is a huge wtf moment. I still don’t see why he reached that level so spontaneously.

It also is a useless waste of time, as Vegeta simply died a few sentences later; with this form to never be used or seen again in the fanon.

When you list like just paragraph after paragraph of constant attacks, it gets really tedious to read.

Goku giving Piccolo the spirit bomb is a recolor of the same scene (except with Krillin) that took place in the Saiyan Saga.

Using a Spirit Bomb to kill Broly was extremely hackneyed.

Closing Thoughts: DA: WoE is, in the nicest of terms, a below average fan fiction. The majority of its story (the first two sagas) were near parallels of the actual manga DB story. Sure, a bit of Janemba action was added in, and some pro-Vegeta plot points replaced some of the normal story, but overall, it was just a slightly AU retelling of the Buu saga. Personally, I think such a thing, if it is going to so closely mimic the actual story is a waste of time. The writing and fight scenes were okay, nothing great, but nothing too bad. If it were not for the badly thought out plot, I would consider this story average. I think the third saga best represents this story as to what its greatest potential could be. It was filled with fanon characters, fanon concepts (like the black hole power thing), and of course a whole made up plot. And it was a perfectly average attempt at fan fiction. Due to the first two sagas being slightly below average, and the third being merely neutral, this story is a C-grade fic. That means that, yes, I do think this is better than Werty’s original ST.

Final Rating: C

SONIKFAN112'S USERPAGE
pros

Let's face it. 1341 is an amazing number of edits.

4, count them, 4 tabs of pure awesomesauce... ranging from blogs, to contributions, to even a talk page, this userpage has it all.

It's also rather cool that the buttons are orange.

SonikFan ain't afraid of nobody.

I wish my tongue was that long.

"Fuck off, achievement whores." - Let's look at that phrase for a second. It's clear, simple, short. It conveys its most urgent message with the duest of clarity. It goes out of its way to call out the spammers with an unapologetic slap to the face. Everyone hates this bullshit. Only SonikFan had the unwavering courage to take a stand against the whores. Necroing and spamming and spamming and necroing, all for the little gain of a few achievement points (which we will be turning off anyway). They most certainly need to stop. It's unhealthy and we hatez it long time. SonikFan has spoken for us all.

cons

Too short.

Closing Thoughts: I love this userpage so much it hurts.

As I was so nicely reminded, this page has nothing to do with SonikFan as a user.

Final Rating: 9.3/10

Mr. Annoyance
Pros

None.

Cons

First up, e'eryone is OOC.

If this is comedy, I'm not feeling it. I don't think any bit of this story was funny in the least.

Chat doesn't censor bad words. We could easily say shit. And we do.

Why does everyone randomly leave? The conversation was lackluster to begin with, and it could have helped it to be expanded.

NomadMusik initiating his own talk page discussion is just pointless.

Pretty obnoxious sigs if you ask me.

The whole DD/NM bit is rather... terrible, really. Neither of you would talk like that, and even if you did, DD would not ban you for such a little thing.

NomadMusik's ban until his birthday is so very lame.

Now, I don't know this KidVegeta character very well, but I would hazard to guess that no, he would not give Mr. Annoyance Bureaucrat status for no reason. I get that it's trying to be funny, but it just comes off as a cheap attempt to get a laugh. I didn't laugh.

"After a long series of KV-like events, he bans every one. " - the "he" is unclear here. It's either KV or MA, but your writing is too vague for us readers to know who.

The ending to this story is where it really fell apart. I think the randomness and shoddy asspulling doesn't make this story any funnier. Sannse's part in this story is just, well, illogical.

The notable errors section is pretty pointless. If you know it has all these things wrong with it, I would suggest fixing them, in an attempt to give this story a little humor.

Closing Thoughts: Like most of NM's fics, 'Mr. Annoyance' lacks any sort of execution. The plot choices are subpar and unfunny, while the characters are unrelatable. The thing is, this story makes no sense. Not in the good, unlimated kind of way. More like in the ss11 pure torture bullshit kind of way. To make this story better, I would suggest a multitude of things; first off, get rid of the humor template. It's simply not funny. Secondly, I would recommend at least trying to make the character IC. Also, the MA/Chat scene should be longer and have more impact. Have it show how a PTSN sockpuppet would really act. What one would really say, and really do. And, most importantly, don't have me say something like "u shure". Such a thing is far too terribad for me to ever read again.

Final Rating: R-

HZ Reviews
Pros

I think one of the better reviews is HZ’s review of Clash of Two Worlds. This is one of the few times that HZ seems to go out of his way to list and detail a whole assortment of cons, and explain them in decent manner. I think this is a great review for the author to read, to see what needs to be done to fix up the story.

HZ’s best review is, easily, his review of New Age. Unlike the others, even COTW, with this one, you can see that he put effort into it. His cons are vast, his distaste for it is clearly evident; ie we know what he actually thinks about this one (which is basically a first). The thing to note about this review is that it was not requested of him to review. He went out on his own and did it. Now, that in and of itself is commendable to me. He found something he wanted to review, and he went out and reviewed it with effort. If only all of HZ’s reviews could be like this, I would say he has one of the best reviews blogs on the site. Unfortunately, that is not the case overall.

Cons

The review of Bloodlines is really poor. The con of “Use of the US customary system for measurements” is a pretty irrelevant and useless observation. Otherwise, the review is vague, particularly in the pros section. There is only one pro at all that shows what HZ thinks of the story at all, the first one, and yet for that to warrant an “exceptional” just seems forced to me. Giving a story nigh the highest rating possibly, almost solely based on the quality of writing, with no mention of plot, characters, or anything else is purely lazy. I also doubt author will re-review it, so there’s no point in bothering to put up that notice on the end.

I think the ratings overall are pretty poor and give little insight as to how to compare different reviews on this blog. I’ve seen things like NS which HZ appears to hate, based on his cons, and yet still gives it a “mediocre”, or even with his Bloodlines review which he barely said anything and yet it was still “Exceptional”

I think the Tien: Origins review was a very bad one. One of the worst HZ has ever produced. Complaining about the q/a section (which only serves to help the reader understand more), complaining that Tien gets too much airtime (when it’s his story for crying out loud), and complaining about that bit of only the weak Saiyans surviving (when, it was (and rather brilliantly) explained in the actual story) make me not be able to take this review seriously. On top of that, such things as “the overall story is great” is just too generic and vague to be of any use at all.

A specific con from the Sixth review, “Excellent writing (although I do remember spotting one minor grammar mistake, not that it really matters)” is really annoying. The whole point of a review blog is to tell an author what needs to be fixed. Considering HZ didn’t list any real meaningful cons at all, I don’t see why he couldn’t have at least said where this small error was. It’s not like he said much of anything in the review anyway.

When a story gets a rating like “Mediocre – Very Good” I’m assuming it’s in between those two levels, in decency? Still, it’s a very confusing ratings level, and you should clarify what it means to be in between two levels.

I think there are many useless and vague cons. Many of these I’ve listed above, but I do think a good 80% of the pros and cons overall could use expansion as to what HZ means by them. Remember that the author will read the review, and if the writing simply says something like “Janemba” as a con, that’s useless. It will in no way help them to make the story better, making it a failure as a review.

The unlimated review was funny, but it epitomizes exactly what HZ is capable of; or not, rather. He can’t really give any good reasons as to if he likes or dislikes a story, and then we get a rather random story grade tacked on at the end.

Closing Thoughts: Overall, HZ offers many trite and generic pros/cons. His favorite is “GT is disregarded” which is basically a useless waste of bytes, when it is not coupled with any follow ups in the pros section. It doesn’t give off any sort of professionalism. When looking at his reviews, therefore, I cannot help but think he does not want to do this. Half-assing something, solely for the benefit of others, for the benefit of “being part of the group” is really not respectable at all. If HZ does not want to do reviews, or does not want to put any effort into making them at all good, he should not do reviews at all.

Final Rating: 3.5/10

AkurnaSkulblaka’s Reviews
Pros

The Sixth review, when compared to the other reviews was okay. At least there was some discussion about the actual story, and not just 4 cons of how good it was written and 3 cons on how bad it was formatted.

Cons

With Aku’s reviews, right off the bat my worst con is about perception. The most striking thing about these cons is that Aku says things which, on the surface, look somewhat decent, perhaps even deep. But then you get down to actually looking at the reviews, and that’s where they fall apart. At best, I could call these reviews cursory observations. They lack any real insight.

The review of In Requiem is a waste of time. The author basically just said KidVegeta has good writing abilities, over and over again. Yeah, we get it. It’s written well. It doesn’t take 4 pros to say it. I would much rather hear thoughts on the characters, plot, theme, dialogue; you know, the actual story of it all. The one con basically makes no sense either, which leads me to believe that Aku didn’t read very much of this story at all.

The review of KC is incoherent. Like Aku’s other reviews, it tries to be smart and subtle, yet when the reviewer can’t grasp the themes and intentions of any story he/she is reviewing, there’s no chance of a deep insight.

I think Aku’s AML review is her worst; as well, it’s one of the worst, overall, on the site. First up, the pro and the con are the same thing. She said she liked the idea, then said she didn’t like it. Great start. Next up, the closing thoughts paragraph could be one of the biggest pieces of garbage I have ever read ever. The elitist notion that KidVegeta must write how Stephen King or Jack London (regardless of the legitimacy of their own talent) infuriates me. I don’t possibly see how someone who is so open and tolerant on so many levels, herself, can be such a stupid bigot about writing forms. It boggles my mind. This hate for emails and script once again shows a clear lack of ability to comment on anything of substance. Aku can’t understand the themes, so she resorts to bashing the form.

There are by no means enough cons or pros in any of the reviews to accurately describe them in terms of a rating. They could be rated as anything, really, and it wouldn’t make an ounce of difference.

The adventures review was pretty lazy, in my opinon. Aku spent 3 cons saying it had poor formatting and spelling. Stuff like that is a 1 con deal. There needs to be some talking about the actual story, you know. And simply saying “bardock is in it yayayaya” is just annoying.

Closing Thoughts: I find these reviews to be a great example of someone who does not have the ability to review. They offer little insight with almost no mention of any plot-related aspects. I cannot honestly say that there is anything to be gained from, for an author reading a review of his story from this blog.

Final Rating: 1.8/10

TB’s Reviews
Pros

Not a one.

Cons

This blog’s biggest problem is it’s lack of criticism. In TB’s almost 20 reviews, he has a grand total of 3 cons. That’s for all of them. Most, if not all stories have “none” or “meh” as cons. This is as unhelpful as it is false. To me, this does not seem “lazy” (as HZ’s reviews were), so much as it seems like TB is just trying to be nice. Like he doesn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. Welp, saying false things, and simply refusing to put down cons for fear of hurting someone’s feelings makes the review useless.

The ratings system is about the worst one I’ve ever seen. Nearly every story is given a Gold, regardless of it’s quality. There is, of course, TF with its PWNmenship, and AML with its silver, but overall the stories are rated the same, even if they are nowhere near each other in quality. No one can honestly say that Life of A Son is as good as Tien: Origins, or that Temporkai is close to the quality of DIR. Couple this with the fairly generic and simple-minded pros, it’s hard to tell what TB thinks of the stories at all.

The joke review of Dragon Ball DP is something I really don’t like. It gives the blog a much less professional feeling when the author completely disregards his own rules and posts a POS review, on purpose.

The LOAS review is horrid. A terrible waste of space and time. All credibility of this blog goes out the window with this single review. Calling it readable, with minimal spelling errors is laughable. Then spending useless pros on “I like broly” “oh it seems canon whatever that means” whilst refusing to actually comment on the specifics degrades it even more. You still go out of your way to acknowledge the horrible spelling and grammar, yet still say “it’s minimal”. That’s just lying to not hurt someone‘s feelings.

The IR review, like Aku’s review of it, is very superficial, and makes me wonder if TB actually read more than the first two chapters. All of his pros and cons have to do with the first two chapters. Considering that’s a very small part of the story, it really annoys me, the author that he has so little to say about it; or, rather, understood so little of it.

Same thing with SLATT. TB didn’t even realize it was about Cui. The pros are also very vague (of course there would be no cons) and unhelpful in any way at all.

Like nearly every other review of AML, TB’s is shit. He is so vague and lazy about the review, then goes ahead and gives it the lowest rating he’s ever given without any explanation. If there aren’t any cons, well then it certainly can’t be the worst, right? And since realistically, there should be cons, he should have put them. Not just been all “story was okay” vague about it.

Honestly, I don’t think TB has the mental capacity to appreciate any thematic qualities of any of the fics he’s read. This goes for AML, IR, T:O, even DIR. He shows no ability to understand any of them intelligently. He has yet to mention anything of substance about any of them, failed to even try to guess at what anything means within the stories, be they symbolic or thematic, and has instead taken the path of “good story” vagueness over putting any real thought into what he thinks of the story.

Closing Thoughts: TitaniumBardock’s reviews, quite simply, are very bad. He tries to be friends with everyone, so he refuses to criticize or offer any meaningful critiques of stories whatsoever. Sure, he can make even the worst writer feel good about their stories, but when you lie to someone, when you sugar coat your feelings in a review, you are only harming the author. You are telling them they don’t need to improve, that the problems of their fics can be ignored. This is terrible advice, and any author who wants to get real help with their story should avoid TB altogether.

Final Rating: 1.4/10

Sonik’s Reviews
Pros

Good ratings system. It’s easy to understand and, for the most part, a consistently applied system.

The review of Sixth is excellent. The pros are all articulated and explained aptly, and sonic summed up his reasons for enjoying it rather well. I do think Sonik is quite the pro for being able to read this story in 3 minutes, too.

Sonik’s review of In Requiem is one of his best. Once again, the opinions of Sonik are all well stated, he goes into detail about all of it, but most importantly, he properly explains his cons. I like the con about buu crying, because Sonik explains it so well. As the writer of the story, stuff like this is incredibly helpful to see how to fix up the story, or how to write in the future.

The screwed episode is more than fair. Sonik does not like this story, that is clear, but he is very effective at presenting this in a totally neutral, unbiased way. I think this is one of the clearest examples of someone giving an unbiased review that I have ever seen.

Even though it has less detail and expansion than it obviously could have, I think the review of “The Size of It” was well done. Unlike many other reviewers out there, Sonik wasn’t afraid to call a comedy unfunny and lame. The same goes for the review of TUBIAOTU. While I do think Sonik overrated that story slightly, he did, finally, give good reasons to his cons again. I’m sad to say that this is an exception, not a resurgence, as per his reviews thereafter.

Sonik had some poor reviews, I will not deny that. However, I like that he took the time to go back and fix them up. He acknowledged his fault, manned up and did what had to be don. It improved the quality of the blog, and was much appreciated.

Cons

While I found the Sixth review a good one, there are a few problems with it. The first con about it being too short is a valid con. However, Sonik then go into a personal debate over the validity of the con, within the actual review. That’s not okay; it only makes his review look less professional. Another thing, but I don’t think Sonik should bother making another just to say he have no more cons.

In my opinion, the Why Bother? review is about where the reviews, on a whole, start going down in quality. This one in particular is somewhat lazily done. The pros are vague, there are no cons… and yet it’s an A story. A purely pro story should get a higher rating, and by Sonik’s own rating system, it should be an S, at least.

As I’ve said before, the quality of the blog dropped significantly after Sonik’s review of Tien: Origins and Why Bother?. The problem is, at this point, Sonik lost basically everything that made his blog near perfect. He started using far less detail, explained his pros/cons much less, even began insulting and cursing out authors in his reviews (in stark contrast to his review of Screwed). These are all fixable things; nothing that can’t be undone. However, Sonik has to make a conscious effort to get back to how he was reviewing at first, otherwise his reviews will simply continue to drop in quality.

The thing is, the review with ss11’s reviews is nowhere near what the original reviews in the blog were. It’s short and without much detail, and has a generally hard time of conveying it’s feeling or message in a good enough way to warrant the lowest rating possible.

The review of T was Sonik’s worst to date. Like Nomad did so shameless a few days back, Sonik copied DD’s review of T. And it wasn’t a good copy either. It was an incoherent, vague rambling about some of the story, with little to no articulation on the poorness of the story. It read as a very biased review to me, too. I’m not sure if Sonik actually read the story, or just skimmed it, then hated on ss11 about it. Sure didn’t seem like he knew what he was talking about with that.

Sonik has also had some really poor reviews that he has redone, such as his original reviews of Slaved, Why Bother?, and ss11 reviews. All of these were really poorly and lazily done. Since they are no longer posted, I will not spend much time on them, but still must be said, that at one time he did have some pretty poor reviews.

Sonik also has many random pros/cons scattered throughout his many reviews. I’ll list some of the worst:


 * EXTREMELY MINOR CON, but I find Goten and Trunks showing up un-fused out of character, a bit. All of the Z Fighters are aware the two are better fused. (in requiem)


 * Well, this is really my fault, but I didn't really understand some of the story. It doesn't need to be changed, I just don't have a very good understanding of it. (slaved)


 * I absolutely love how you put the humor template and then say that it isn’t a humor story. (tubiaotu)

Those are the most egregious shows of nonsense. There are others, but it would just be repetitive to list them all.

Closing Thoughts: Simply put, Sonik’s reviews are one of the best on the site. I know I gave him a lot of cons, but the pros outweigh on this one. Sonik has a generally good way of articulating his opinion. Though I do admit his reviews have decreased, quality-wise recently. But let’s face it. Even at his worst, Sonik is still better than basically any other user at reviewing. His reviews of IR, Sixth, TSOI, and even perhaps his review of Slaved are all ones I consider to be exemplary; among his best, and among the wiki’s best. And to Sonikfan, sir, I have only one request. Please review more often.

Final Rating: 7.6/10

SuperSaiyanKrillin’s Review
Pros

None.

Cons

Terribly counterintuitive ratings system. I mean, “F” is almost the best rating. This is not only confusing, but it serves to fuel the general incoherency of this blog. The combos of them is also a terrible idea. Every single rating is a combo. Honestly, if SSK is going to make everything a combo, he should just come up with a better ratings system to begin with.

In the OA review, the cons are complete and utter crap. Not a single one is of any substance whatsoever. The pro is the same. Overall, a completely useless review.

Okay, so as to show how much total shit this blog is, this is the pro SSK found for GF “it has a sentence”. That is a complete waste of time for the author to read. And other than talking about the lack the story being written, that’s all that the review says. Nobody could honestly say that such a review is any help at all.’

LOAS is supremely overrated. Bordering on gibberish, this review simply is a mess. It’s all over the place with very little clarity or explanation.

In Temporkai, SSK goes out of his way to list grammar as the only con. Yet, as can be witnessed on the very blog where he bashes another person’s grammar, SSK’s can be seen to be wholly worse. Temporkai was by no means a good story, but to say that grammar problems were its biggest (and only) problem shows that SSK has no ability whatsoever to review. The pros are even worse. “It has a plot” “it has fighting and calm times” “it has real characters”… is among the most basic, least thought out list of pros I have ever seen.

The size of it, a completely unfunny and inappropriate fic was overrated here. It’s not funny at all, yet he says “lol”, as if justifying his complex opinion on the humor in this fic. Also, SSK gave this story no cons. None, at all. If he finds this story to be the highest rank, the best possible, then there is almost no story that shouldn’t be the best ever.

Okay, the Yami review may very well be the very worst review on this entire site. It’s at least on the top five. Firstly, not a single pro is legitimate… nonsensical, though it may be. “uses stuff that, if that actually happened, would've been done.” - that’s a pro. That’s a pro that he wrote. SSK sat down and wrote that. And then he thought that was a good idea to post. This is insanity in its purest form. And then we get to the cons. Yami is a horrible fic, with loads of things wrong with it. Yet, SSK managed to find two cons which are not cons at all in this story. As if that was possible. “you have to be died to see king kai” and “can't perform a spirit bomb while a super Saiyan” are pure lies. Both have been anime/manga confirmed (though the second was, indirectly). No one should listen to anything SSK is saying at this point. He’s just going to mislead you and harm your writing abilities if you try to take any of his advice.

“Shows how loal Trunks is”

Again, with the Adventures review, SSK has nothing to say besides “fix the grammar”, as he is in any position to dictate to others how to properly spell and format anything at all.

Closing Thoughts: Every single review is completely unreadable. SSK’s own inability to write anything of coherency makes this blog totally useless. He will often criticize random things, or revert to his normal criticism of grammar (which he has no business criticizing in others). His pros range from the insightful “it has a sentence” to the downright unreadable “uses stuff that, if that actually happened, would've been done”. Other than that, SSK offers absolutely no thoughts on the story. As an author trying to get helpful and constructive criticism, you should stay away from SuperSaiyanKrillin. He does not know what he is talking about and he’s in no position to judge anything.

Final Rating: 0.2/10

SuperFusion’s Reviews
Pros

Nahh mate nahh.

Cons

There is one review and one review only on this blog. That is the review of In Requiem. A fic which SuperFusion probably didn’t read more than the first paragraph of. His pros are vast as they are indeterminate. They are so general that, honestly, he could write these down just because he thinks I’m a good writer and then call it a day. His one con is literally the first sentence of IR, only furthering my theory he never read the story. Because, really, his con makes no sense if he would actually read beyond the first line. He then leaves us readers with the most philosophical of questions. “Why this?” Yes, SuperFusion. Why, indeed.

Closing Thoughts: A failed blog with only a single review and no effort put into that one review. Poor and useless, all the way through.

Final Rating: 0.5/10

Raging Blast’s Reviews
Pros

The review of Dragon Ball IP is very good. Raging Blasts lists plenty of legitimate pros and cons, and goes into sufficient detail explaining his opinion on the overall story. The cons list is vast, of course, but I think the overall feeling is that, despite having so many minor problems with the story, RB still enjoyed it quite a bit. All in all a pretty darn good review, with good reasoning and understanding of the fan fiction.

Parts of the Dimensions review is okay. I think the cons, particularly are a good example of what RB is capable of in his reviewing. It has some good expression as to what he believes are the faults, and I do think he was able to have a good range of quality cons that are, in fact, true.

Cons

There is a lack of any explanation or list of the ratings, so we can’t know what the highest and lowest possible ranks are. Sure, we could assume it follows the normal school one, but it’s really bad to have readers assume what’s good and what’s bad, when it could so easily be rectified by Raging Blast.

Often times there are misspelled words. Considering how small this blog is, that’s not really okay. And it makes the overall feel to it seem unprofessional.

I do think the IP review is good, but there are a few rather stupid cons:


 * Mercenary Tao being a such fierce oponent. Even through he is the strongest, Piccolo should be able to kill him with a Special Beam Canon. It will obliterate his skin, it is not in strenght, and Mercenary Tao reacting so fast, well, not really something that would happen.


 * Shenron can't grant wishes that exceed his power level. Goku's power level exceeds his by far, so he couldn't grant Tao's wish. It is also something really ungrantable.

Those should really be removed. Neither is a legitimate con; instead they should be removed from this review.

FT is chiefly overrated. The second pro, about everyone being IC shows Raging Blast’s lack of understanding about any of the characters. If FT’s characters are IC, then any story’s would be, in Raging Blast’s eyes. And yet, then after all those pros, which seem more major than the ones RB gave IP (coupled with a lack of “liking” the fic as much as Raging Blast said he did with IP), there’s no way this story should have been given a B. I think, no offense to NomadMusik, but if anyone gives FT a rating above an F, then that blog is either illegitimate or biased or lying, or all three.

I think the pros for Dimensions give off the notion that this story is better than it is. It’s by no means a terrible story, but RB’s review vastly overrates it. This is because of the whole comparative quality theory, which I will get into at a later time with my review of Swetty reviews, but for now, I have to say that RB simply rated this so high because he was shocked that it wasn’t bad. Saying it has incredible grammar, when being basically average at best is somewhat sad. There has been so few good-grammar stories on this wiki, that something even remotely average can come along and be called “incredible” without a second thought. To me, that’s pretty pathetic.

Closing Thoughts: RB has one good review and two rather sucky ones. The blog itself is formatted poorly, with no ratings explanations or closing thoughts. However, even with RB’s poor spelling and grammar, he is able to properly convey his point. But, there again, his opinion can often times be motivated by false notions with no clear backup or reasoning. This is most evident in his review of FT, where he gave almost no pros and yet still gave the story a B. Aside from the IP review, I can’t honestly say that any of these reviews could be classified as good at all, even if they have a few good points. Therefore, I cannot recommend this blog, as it stands.

Final Rating: 2.4/10

Chocolateaddictjr’s Reviews
Pros

I think the Yami review was all right, if a little over the top. The cons were all fine, and surprisingly aptly explained (something which no other review on this blog can attest to). If all of CAJ’s reviews were like this, I could see it getting a much higher grade. Alas, none of the other reviews are.

Cons

The biggest problem with this blog is the lack of detail. It’s like HZ’s blog, but slightly worse. Sans the Yami review, we never get more than one or two pros, and one or two cons. Most of them are vague, uninteresting, and usually unhelpful. Expanding all of the thoughts would most helpful.

The Mr. Annoyance review is garbage. The pros are useless, the con almost completely irrelevant, and more importantly, it got the highest rating. Giving MA the highest possible comedic rating is something I did not think was possible, unless CAJ didn’t read the story… but even if she did, there’s no way MA should have gotten anywhere near the highest rating. I’m assuming that since it was a comedy story, it simply got the high rating for that and that alone. But this gets back into the thing of nobody really being able to review comedy outside of DD and SF112.

Closing Comments: This blog is not terrible, but it’s not good. Think of it as the little sister to HZ’s blog. It lacks detail and clarity, comes off as lazy, and is thoroughly unhelpful. Don’t go to this blog if you are hoping for a thoughtful critique of your story.

Final Rating: 2.5/10

NomadMusik’s Reviews
Pros

Don’t have any.

Cons

The comedy ratings don’t make sense. The Ys and Zs aren’t next to each other, and A is the lowest rank. That’s incredibly confusing.

Also, NomadMusik said that he will write all comedy reviews in paragraph form and to not take any of them seriously. Unless I’m missing something… what’s the point of consciously writing something that will be of no use to anyone?

The Coldian review is pretty much crap. The conflict between the pros and cons (liking the idea, then criticizing it) is not done in a well enough manner. To me, this review is playing it as safe as can be.

Bloodlines is one of the most overrated reviews I have ever seen. S- to boot. It’s filled with unexplained and often confusing pros, and a ton of crossed out cons. NomadMusik then goes ahead, despite crossing out his cons, and says he still believes they are cons. Well, he should stand up for himself. It’s his opinion, and if he explains it well enough, there’s no reason to remove it.

Now, this is just a personal qualm of mine, but crossed out pros or cons on a blog is completely unacceptable. There’s an edit button. If you want to change/remove a point in a review, do just that. Don’t clutter up the page and make it all ugly by putting in lines, followed by “I was wrong”. It completely destroys any legitimacy this blog could have had.

The WISE is pretty bad. Any review that just says “and everything else” as a pro is garbage. No point in reviewing it to begin with if you aren’t going to bother saying anything about it.

The In Requiem review, in my opinion, is almost as bad as ss11’s review of the same fanon. It consists of “Kid buu is the protagonist” and “everything else” for the pros. And that’s it. That’s his review. No comments on basically anything about the story. No comments on the themes, the writing, the plot. Nothing that could be of even remote help to me, AS THE AUTHOR, to read and to understand what worked and what didn’t in my fanon. As I’ve said before, don’t bother reviewing a story if you are just going to put “Everything else” as a pro or con. Review it fully or don’t review it at all. Otherwise, it’s just wasting everyone’s time.

The review of Yami isn’t actually any good. The cons give me the feeling that NomadMusik didn’t read this story and copied the other reviews of it. That’s just how I see it, what with how basic and random the cons are. Also, NomadMusik goes out of his way to continually bash Yugioh for really no apparent reason. Regardless of one’s opinon on Yugioh, this story is not Yugioh. This story is a crossover. The review should reflect how good of a story it is, and not rely on outside bias to form an opinion. Sure, I may not like Yugioh either, but if a good Yugioh story is written, I’m not going to just ignore it and bash the actual TV show. Granted, this fanon is crap, and rightfully deserves a low grade, but it should not at all be affected by one’s opinion of the source of the crossover.

Without a doubt, NomadMusik’s review of Tien: Origins is his worst. The original review gave Origins a vastly negative review. However, after getting criticized by the author, NomadMusik went back and changed his review. To me, this is wholly unacceptable. His new review was not much better, pro/con wise, but moreover, it was not better because it was a lie. It was not what NomadMusik truly thinks. Now, saying that, his original review wasn’t any better even when he was giving his true opinion. This is simply because of a lack of expansion on his cons, the occasional misconception about the actual story. I’d much prefer if NM would go back to that original review, and make that one better, instead of showing off a truly uninspired lie of a re-review.

At best, I would call the T review a blatant ripoff. But when we go deeper, and then go deeper, the actual review falls apart, terribly. Never before have I seen a perfectly sane, perfectly normal person, with the ability to write normal sentences, write a review so incoherently. At least with SSK, we don’t expect him to have an ability to review, whatsoever. But this review is a shining example of NomadMusik on a whole. Long have I watched NM, and long have I gained knowledge of his ways. He copies a lot, be in story formats, review formats, character, names (chapter or otherwise), and even dialect. He’s slowly been copying two users, for the most part. KidVegeta and Destructivedisk. And this review is one of the more blatant showings of this. Released mere hours after DD reviewed the same story in the same format, with the same structure, NomadMusik goes out of his way to try and copy this. Like it always is, this was a failure. I would appreciate if NM would stop doing stuff like this.

Um, Mr. NomadMusik sir, please don’t copy me, like with your closing comments on the adventure review. Many thanks!

Now, for A Mother’s Love, there are a myriad of problems I have. For one, NM lists a pro and a con that counter each other out:


 * That's what I'd actually think co-workers would say to each other. (pro)


 * The emails seem a bit too formal for them to be between co-workers (con)

Now, as I read this review, I can’t possibly gain any insight from that. At first I am told I did good on mimicking office workers talking. Them I’m told I did bad. Color me confused. Anyway, aside from that, NM says this is my worst story. Fair enough in its own right, but it’s not fair in the sense that there were basically 1 con, which was also a pro. And really, that just makes me think that NM had no idea what this story was about, nor why it was posted in the format it was. I’m assuming “story themes” are things that he is not aware of, otherwise I’m sure he would have mentioned those by now.

Closing Thoughts: The blog tries so hard to be good. It tries to use all the techniques of DD and KV, mirroring their review blogs in an attempt to be successful. But there’s one thing the writer of this blog can’t just copy. Talent. That is the deciding factor in all of these blogs. Sure, some of the good ones have great formatting, but some of the good ones have poor formatting, too. The distinguishing feature is, however, that there is effort and intellect put into the good reviews. I cannot say that either of those has been applied to this blog. Therefore, a poor rating for a poor blog.

Final Rating: 0.4/10

ExtremeSSJ4’s Reviews
Pros

None.

Cons

The writing of pros and cons is done lazily, such as the pro of “way of writing” used on numerous stories. Way to be specific!

The TF review was just so random. I mean, most of the reviews are completely random in terms of pros and cons, but this one just takes the cake. I mean, Lieme dying being a con, Ledas being similar to kid Goku… these could be legitimate cons, but they aren’t simply because how spontaneous and vague they were. To me, at least, I see almost mention of the story. The pros ramble on about how good the character names are and the episode names, and all that important stuff, but there is very little substance in the actual review. The cons, therefore, don’t come off as genuine to me; simply, they seem like attempts to “find” cons. Of course, if they are legitimate cons, they could use some expanding, so that I can know what to fix, specifically.

Okay, aside from the TF review, none of the other reviews are any good. This is from the poor writing out of the pros and cons, and the sheer randomness of them. I won’t bother with examples, because every single pro and every single con in every review is an example. But, the problem is that, with all the random cons, there is no genuine review going on. There is no thought or effort put into understanding any of the fics being reviewed. Therefore, no author should expect to gain any insight or helpful criticism from this.

I also find that ESSJ4 reviewing his own story rather arrogant, given that he gave it a B, and that no one requested he review his own thing. Unless specifically requested, you should never review your own fic. It comes off as really unprofessional.

Closing Thoughts: ESSJ4’s reviews follow most others in the path of sheer garbage. They are terrible, directionless, often random, and most importantly shallow. Like many other reviewers, ESSJ4 has no ability to review. He has no insight to offer, so instead of not reviewing (a much better option), he goes out of his way to list a bunch of random things in the hope that it may look brilliant. It never does.

Final Rating: 0.5/10

Raging Gohan’s Reviews
Pros

I think the 20 scale is a good alternate to most other review blog rating systems out there. The quantitative measurements leave no ambiguity, nor any sense of confusion about how Raging Gohan feels about the fan fics he reviews.

Cons

The second review of Unlimated is completely unnecessary. It is filled with generalized and vague cons, mostly referring back to the original review. There is no reason to have done it. Other than that, there are several cons which are almost as unreadable as Unlimated itself, such as, “Pretty much every new villian and hero like rohan and green eyes (i don't know if he's a heroe or a villian, but i became red eyes the furious after reading this fan fiction).” - No one can be expected to decipher that gibberish. And, honestly, it lessens the quality of a review when one goes out and bashes the very things they do themselves.

Overall, the pros and cons in the reviews are often irrelevant or incoherent. I can barely understand much of what is being said, something that detracts from this blog greatly. If an author can't even understand the critic's view on something (and by the same tangent, if the critic cannot explain his thoughts in a simple, clear manner), than the reviewer is obviously not skilled enough to be in a position to offer critique.

The review of Life of a Son completely overrates it. Saying that it has good grammar and spelling is so, in totality, false, that I must wonder if Raging Gohan actually knows what good grammar is. Of course, he had just finished reading Unlimated, to which any story would appear to have good grammar, but simply basing a review off of a comparing story, and not the actual substance of it is unacceptable. Another thing is that Raging Gohan consistently bashes Broly in the review. RG doesn’t like Broly as a character. While that is a highly opinionated detractor, I can’t honestly see how RG could give this story such a high mark (15/20) if he hated nearly everything about it. The entire review basically read that he hated the story and character, and it was completely uninteresting to him, but he still thought it was good. Doesn’t seem truthful in the slightest.

The closing comments of the LOAS review are purely biased and illegitimate. “The story was good, but you just can't make a great story when Broly and Paragus are the protagonists.” That is a useless, close minded thought process which will do no help to a prospective author reading RG’s reviews.

Closing Thoughts: Another review blog with potential; another review blog upon which the writer and readers have wasted much time reading. This blog does nothing in the sense of actually reviewing. We have two inconsistent rants about the same exact story, and then another review which lies in stark contrast to the first two - not in quality, but in the blatant lying it is doing to cover up reading a poor story. RG did not feel bad about insulting Unlimated; I mean, why should he, after I reviewed the same story and gave it 400+ cons? Still, to me, he gave off the air of trying to play it safe with the LOAS review, ultimately leading to its poor showing. When one is not being truthful, be it to themselves, or to others, the actual quality of the work will suffer. In this instance, it is no exception.

Final Rating: 2.0/10

Gotek’s Reviews
Pros

There aren’t any pros.

Cons

The LOAS review is a shoddy piece of work. It is very barren, yielding only a few pros and cons, none of which show a clear understanding of the fic itself. And to say that it has good grammar is laughable at best.

The Origins and OoS reviews just show that Gotek has a serious lack of ability to understand anything. These are the two stories (that he has reviewed) with themes, and deep, engaging plots, and all we get from that is “it was confusing”. Now, if one cannot understand the story, I would think that the humblest, best option would be to admit to all of us readers that the thematic purpose of the story was not understood. Not simply whine about a story being confusing.

On a whole, the pros and cons are very vague. Aside from Yami, every story is called “good”, “detailed”, or a remark on the excellent spelling and grammar is shoehorned in. Nothing of substance is in any of these reviews, and the vagueness only serves to fuel the idea that Gotek reads the stories, but does not understand them.

Honestly, saying that Yami was interesting is con worthy. It’s such a mindless fic, to which would be interesting to a mindless reader. However, that it does stay consistent with my previous con about Gotek not being able to understand anything.

The ratings add to the confusion of these reviews by not expanding upon, nor explaining Gotek’s reasoning. The pros/cons are not sufficient in stating ones opinion. You need closing thoughts, even if they are a short sentence. Something to show exactly what you think about the story.

Closing Thoughts: Gotek’s reviews are shallow. They are vague. They often state the same generic things over and over again - and are followed up by nothing else to give us even a glimmer of substance. Gotek offers no explanation for his reviews; having no closing thoughts or even a single sentence summary of his opinion of the story. The ratings do not help this confusion in the slightest. However, this review blog is, in terms of the Dragon Ball Fanon, completely expected, quality-wise. It’s as good as a story by Gotek would be. It basically sums up his character in its 5 shallow reviews. But, pressing on, if you want a detailed look into your story, with legitimate pros and cons, and a thoughtful summary opinion, do not go to these reviews. They offer nothing at all.

Final Rating: 0.4/10

SSJ3Ascension’s Reviews
Pros

No pros.

Cons

I would, no offense, call the Sixth review a paragraph of constant babbling. It is nigh unreadable. For such a short review, simply wasting half of it saying that this story is surprisingly good, with stupid, asinine comments like “When I read the first paragraph i expected it to be a childish, story sense the including of blood dripping from the start”. And then we get perplexing thoughts on how this story is soothing and relaxing… and none of it makes sense. SSJ3A is trying to give deep, meaningful thoughts, but he has none to give, so he is reverting to using big words to try and convey a depth which isn’t there. I must also say that the single con is unreadable and I have no idea what it means. SSJ3A needs to slow down, stop using words he can’t, and just write to his ability. If he does that, even if it reads simpler, it will be more readable, and therefore more helpful.

The Why Bother? Review is one of the worst reviews I have ever read. It completely misses the point of the short story, instead calling it a comedy. Once again, as with the Sixth review, it is written in such a poor way that is barely readable. When a story is not listed as a comedy, through a template, one should not assume it to be a comedy. There are no comments on the actual story, beyond the generalized “it’s great”. This story is one of the most meaningful and thematic on the site, and to totally disregard that is a slap in the face to the author of it. Of course, there’s always the possibility that SSJ3 has no idea what he’s doing, merely saying any number of things in the hopes that one of them will be right. But then that begs the great question; why is he doing these reviews to begin with? Overall, this review brings down the quality of this blog tremendously. There isn’t even any sort of rating or anything. But more importantly, one must wonder how anyone can take anything SSJ3A says here seriously after he made such a stupid misjudgment. I know I can’t.

My main problem with the SLATT review is that SSJ3A refuses to talk about it. HE goes on and on and on about how great of a story it is, and that he likes Cui. Inexplicably, many bad Cui fics exist out there somewhere… I’m glad to see mine was not one of them! Now moving, there’s no mention of the actual plot, nor any of story details whatsoever. I won’t say that SSJ3A didn’t read it because I’m not cynical in the slightest. I simply think he didn’t understand it. At least he didn’t try to write a bunch of nonsense to cover that up.

With IR, as with many other reviews of it, there is no mention of the story past the opening chapters. Whether this is because the reviewer didn’t read it, or merely didn’t understand any of it I can’t say. I can, however, say that it makes the review ultimately useless to me, the writer, as it gives me the incorrect assumption that nothing was good or bad about the fic after those opening chapters. I also would appreciate a review every now and then that commented on the actual meanings of the fic. I’ve yet to see one, outside of DD’s do this.

Now, the LOAS review. First up, the pros:


 * Gives a decent present and past tense view of the moments(To a certain standard)


 * Short Paragraphs


 * Good potential for the second part.

Never before have I seen such a great collection of meaningless, inconsequential pros coupled with such inarticulate writing. The first pro is the only one that could possibly be legitimate at all. And yet it’s worded so poorly that no one could possibly understand what SSJ3A is trying to say. The cons are slightly more readable, but they are just as vague and unexpanded upon as the pros are. SSJ3A needs to talk about which scenes were confusing, and explain what he means by a lack of building. Simply stating it does not do much to help the author to fix these problems, nor does it really help them for future writing either.

And then we get to the Slaved review. As generic as any of the pros are, I think the main problem with this review is the con. For such a bold and opinionated sentence, you’d expect SSJ3A to draw some evidence, or state some piece of dialogue that shows us that KV was not treated this poorly. I’ll be waiting for that evidence.

Closing Thoughts: As I also said in my review of Temporkai, SSJ3A tries his darnedest to be eloquent and mature, but utterly fails in his attempt. His reviews are unreadable. He offers little insight. But when he actually tries to, it’s just generic and vague - so unhelpful, that I see no point in reading these reviews in the first place. If SSJ3A wants to become a better reviewer, he needs to focus more time on the actual story, and he needs to clearly put down his thoughts on the story. That’s all we’re asking for.

Final Rating: 0.4/10

KorintheKat’s Reviews
Pros

No specific pros. Despite some areas of this review blog being average, that's not a pro in and of itself.

Cons

The overall feeling of this review blog is stark immaturity. The ratings are always like “99999999/10” or some other ridiculous number.

The KC review is pretty meh overall, but there are several parts of it that need addressing. For one, cons that say “and everything else” or “go read it for yourself” are lazy and have no place in a blog specifically for reviewing. For another, and this is scary, but KTK had no idea it was a comedy on his first read through. I honestly don’t know how much can be said about his judgment after that.

“Senzu Beans are not meant to be eaten 2 every single fricking minute, i think.” may be one of the stupidest cons I’ve ever read.

Overall the WB? review is extremely superficial, with pros and cons only about the most insignificant/irrelevant things. KTK has taken no time nor put any effort into actually understanding the fic.

Sixth is 20 paragraphs long, not 4-5. Honestly don’t know if KTK even read this one. Because he completely missed the point of this fic, with only pointing out cursory observations.

The IR review is rather lazy and lackluster. With put a few pros and no cons, there is little being said about this fic. I don’t mean to be arrogant, but IR is one of the few DBF fics with a deeper meaning and some complex themes, and I don’t see why KTK couldn’t discuss any of those at all. There’s plenty to talk about, and he basically glossed over it all.

About Tien: Origins, I think this is one of KTK’s weakest reviews. Not only does it have a vast array of random, irrelevant pros…


 * Lolz at Yamcha being drunk


 * Explains the origin of Tiens third eye.


 * I bet it was inspirired by the civil war or something, and thats cool


 * Hehe, there is some weird voice out of the sky.

… but the single con (the random super Saiyan) is totally out of place. Granted, had KTK con’d the actual showing of the Original Super Saiyan in this story, it wouldn’t have been a bad con, and I would have agreed with that. But, he instead bashed that there was super Saiyan at all. This is not legitimate in the slightest. DD had carefully foreshadowed and explained that the OSS would be featured in this story, so it should have come as no surprise whatsoever. Also, this story was underrated. Going by KTK’s own ratings, he put Sixth and TF both above this story. Which isn’t true at all. Granted, all three of them are quite close (imo), but Origins is the best of the bunch, and to have it at a far lower rating then the other two is just a lie.

The cons to slaved are just stupid. The one about Frieza being too cruel, if you’ve read the story you should know that it wasn’t Frieza that did that, but the Ginyu force. This was all alluded to in the text. That’s also why Vegeta was super sad. Because he was rejected from joining their team.

The SLATT review is random and vague. The con and last pro in particular and a waste of space, if their relevance is not explained in more detail. I don’t understand what KTK means by some sentences being dull. It’s a useless con because he doesn’t go into any detail whatsoever to explain to me, the writer, what exactly is the problem. Merely mentioning it is not enough. If there is to be any improvement at all, I have to know exactly what I did wrong so I can fix it.

I think, considering that PVS got a .9.9.9.9.9.9.9.9.9.9.9.9.9.9.9.9.9.9.9.9.9.9.9.9.9.9.9.9.9.9.9.9.9.9.9.9.9.9.9.10./10, the least KTK could do was explain why he loved it so much. The pros are pretty random, imo, and do little to comment on the story in any way. It’s blind praise, and that is useless.

Closing Thoughts: KTK’s reviews are not the worst on the site. Far from it. But at the same time, these reviews aren’t good, either. I couldn’t honestly find any single pro to them. The reviews after the PVS one, to me, were completely average. They were not good, but they were not bad enough to be con’d. I think KTK is much better at reviewing these bad stories than he is with good stories, because it’s far easier. With bad stories, there is no depth and there is no You can just list a big cons list and call it a night. With good stories, you can’t do this. You must comment on the actual substance of the story, be it the plot, characters, themes, writing style… all of that must be considered. And that’s where KTK’s reviews fail. KTK offers no commentary on the stories he reads. Instead, he wastes untold amounts of bytes talking about random and irrelevant bits of the stories. I think were KTK to stop with the randomness, and actually address the story in a straightforward way his reviews would improve drastically. This would also be true if he stopped being so immature in his reviews. Still, the sole reason that I rated this blog higher than others is because of what he did after the PVS review. I’ve already mentioned how none of the reviews were pro worthy; but they were also not con worthy. That “average” feeling of this blog has raised it’s score a tad.

Final Rating: 2.8/10

The Swetty Reviews
A long time ago, I wrote a review of SSWerty’s Review blog. At the time such a thing was radical - it was the first review of a review blog on this site, as well it was my first non DB related review. Suffice to say, I failed miserably in that review. This was because of a multitude of things. Sure I could play it off as inexperience with such a review, or even the innate difficulty in reviewing someone else’s opinion. But, if we are to be honest here (and we are), that review failed because of my anger and bias toward SSWerty with that review. I was super mad at him and stuff, and it was terribly unprofessional of me. Here, I will attempt to rectify that with reviewing the blog in an clear, unbiased fashion. My overall feeling to the blog will most likely stay, though I highly doubt I could classify the blog as an E- anymore. Anyway, enough of my rambling… onto the review!

It would be a lie, simply, to say SSWerty is the worst reviewer on this site. It would also be a lie to say that he is the best, or even good. The best way I can characterize his blog is that it is just like his original ST was. Were there nothing of quality, it looks decent. Among the cesspool it would be king. The flaw with this blog is that was created after several other users, mainly Destructivedisk and Hyper Zergling made their own review blogs. It never had any hope of overcoming the blogs of users who were better writers than SSWerty. As I’ve mentioned before, a good writer produce a good review blog because they have the ability to. SSWerty does not have that ability. He as a wholly average writer. He has no specific talent other than his age, and I would say had he been younger, his stories would be more akin to ss11’s.

The reviews presented in his blog are no more different because of this. They are no better than he is capable of, and if you go into reading them with that in mind they will appear decent. Surely, they are readable; SSWerty has always had a fine dialect, even if he is New Zealandese. Moreover, the reviews are formatted clearly, concisely, with each and every pro and con easy to read. As far as understanding goes, that lags behind, but we will get to that later. For now, I will focus on some of Werty’s worst reviews.

The review of Tien: Origins is the greatest example of glorification we have on this site. Bear in mind, Origins is a lovely piece; as anyone should know it’s my favorite current story on the wiki (besides my own, of course). My problem with this review does not lie in the fact that Werty gave it a good grade - the best grade, really, but more about his own inconsistencies within this review. First up, he calls it the greatest fan fiction on the internet. I mean no disrespect to either Werty or Destructivedisk, but if anyone thinks that, they obviously haven’t read very much. I understand the DBF is a place with very few good stories. Even a decent story will seem far above it’s usual quality when thought of, in comparison to the usual shit. Origins, being an amazing story therefore will appear perfect to him. I would say this is because Werty would not be able to properly comprehend something far beyond his ability - but then my bias would be showing again, so I’ll let that be. Basically, I think, coupled with the pros and cons (which I already know are not inherently equal), I cannot see how Werty could not: 1. Give it a lower mark because of those cons, some of which are some serious dislikes, or 2. Give it a 10/10 and explain better his reasoning for liking it so much. Because for greatest fan fiction in all of the internet, Werty has remarkably little to say. That all said, I think his TO review is still his best review, and his clearest example of remarking on something he likes. While I did just bash how he did it, I’m still impressed that he was able to put any coherent thought into it whatsoever.

A user, not so long ago, questioned my secondary account “Brady Patrick”. The reasoning for using this account was, as explained, to give off the impression that this wiki had a greater amount of good writers. A secondary reason is one that I have never revealed to the wiki before. In creating Brady Patrick, I was specifically making good stories to be reviewed by SSWerty in contrast to my KidVegeta account stories that he had already reviewed. I will not muddy this review with my own opinions of Werty, of the reasons why I suspected he was biased against me, from the start. But I will acknowledge that they did exist, and they were the reasons I created the stories Sixth and Slaved. The clearest example of this is my story, Sixth. One which Werty gave a 9.5, the same grade as Origins. A higher grade than he had given any of my stories ever, including IR. Now, Sixth is a good story - that I have been told. But it is nowhere near IR in terms of writing, effort, or even thematic subtlety. Of course, Werty took no mention to the greater themes, never attempted to find or talk about what the meaning of the fic could be. No, his analysis was cursory at best. But then we get to Sixth. Given the general, almost nonexistent review of Sixth to begin with, you can easily see how little effort Werty put into the review and yet, at the same time, he gave it his highest grade possible.

Werty’s worst review is his review of Slaved. Almost a waste of time, it barely speaks of anything; other than saying that Vegeta wouldn’t possibly be treated that bad and that he would never envy the Ginyu Force. To me, this shows a clear lack of any sense or reason on Werty‘s behalf. As if he has no idea who these characters are. Vegeta said numerous times that he was treated terribly as a kid (throughout the namek sagas, he says this), often talking about how Frieza and his minion’s ways had made Vegeta the way he was. Considering Vegeta’s inability to bond or have any relationships, coupled with his distant, cold demeanor, there is ample evidence to say that he was treated poorly. And being that it’s the Ginyu Force - a brutal team that never showcased any feelings of sympathy nor remorse nor restraint ever in their canon appearances - that did him harm… simply beating him up IN A SPARRING MATCH - seriously, how can possibly be illogical? The thing about Vegeta not envying the Ginyu Force is a judgment call, I will admit. Surely, opinions will disagree on that, so I will not waste time on that.

Several other reviews, namely DIR, YYHZ, KC, Screwed are all poor reviews. Screwed, a nearly unreadable fic is given a 5.5, far above what it should be considered. To say a story that reads so poorly and is so downright illogical can be above average once again show’s Werty’s inability to judge quality. After that, we get DIR, a surprisingly solid piece, ranked a poor 7.5. Not a single con, nothing to really say about it, and yet it’s worse than any other legitimate fan fic he’s read up to that point. This gets into Werty’s ineffectiveness at applying his own scale of ratings to stories. If it has no cons, and it still is a 7.5 there needs to be an explanation. Consider the writer’s standpoint. They see a review with a bunch of pros, yet no cons. They would expect a good grade, surely. Yet a 7.5 is confusing. It offers no insight as to how to fix the story, because, as was stated in the review, nothing was wrong with the story. Were Werty to still feel the grade is what DIR best deserves, there should be an added con, or at least a caveat in the closing thoughts as to why the story was rated so low.

The reviews of KC and YYHZ were piss-poor. Werty, with these reviews, showed that he had no business judging a humor fic. He could not take either one seriously (even considering KC a serious story in his first shitty review of it), yielding one a 1/10 and the other a 10/10. This silliness drops out the professionalism of this blog. Comedies are not the same as a regular story, granted, but under no circumstance should one simply disregard actually reviewing them because they are a comedy. Treating it as any other story, with pros and cons, and thoughts on how to improve is how the review should be. Otherwise, it’s disrespectful to the author. Raising their hopes on the thought that they will get some insight on their comedy story wastes everyone’s time. Simply put, review a story for real or don’t review it at all. Make another blog for joke reviews if you must. But on the real review blog, there must be real reviews.

Be them the many inane IR/TF/TO cons, or even random pros attributed to any of those stories, I think the single worst part of the early reviews was the TMT review on a whole. Here, again, I think Werty is just flat out wrong with his opinion. I don’t care if he likes it more than TF. He has every right to, especially with how poorly I wrote the second and fifth sagas. But Werty’s actual pros and cons make me wonder if we read the same story at all. Hyper Zergling is a good writer. But one thing he cannot do well is emotion. His events are sequenced in a straightforward manner and his connecting plot points are often times forced. His fights are well thought out, but his story progression is predictable and clichéd. A story such as HZ’s can be enjoyed. It should be enjoyed. But it simply cannot be considered so excellent, merely a few small steps below the likes of IR or TO. The story is simple. It appeals to Werty. As we could see before, he either has no interest in themes, or he simply cannot tell what they are. TMT is a one dimensional story. It glorifies fight scenes and that only. I can see why Werty enjoyed that. I really can. DBZ itself is much like that, and it’s completely fair to be drawn to things that are like DBZ. But, in such a review, I cannot honestly see how anybody with any sort of mind for quality could rank a story so high, when it is so riddled with problems, itself.

Over the course of this re-review, I have read every one of Werty’s reviews over again. I cannot say, for a fact, that this blog has aged well. From my memory, it has gotten worse. Werty’s reviews are heavily driven by bias. Rarely are they backed up in a substantive, logical way as to why he likes or dislikes a story so much. And often times, the pros and cons are just silly. To me, it seems like Werty is clinging on to a notion of DB fragmented in his mind. Whether or not that notion is accurate, it’s hard to tell because so many fundamental aspects of DB he seems to totally miss, like with his slaved review. With his review of TMT, I think that he was strongly influenced by the nostalgia factor of DBZ that it gives off. The whole ‘no plot, tons of fights, nothing makes sense’ sort of mindless Werty has shown little ability to appreciate quality, deep writing, whether it be in IR or DIR. He has shown bias against me on several occasions, brought out by the BP stories; something which he would no doubt deny, but is not worthy going into more. He has written his reviews, overall, with very little quality. As I read, I was tempted to write a paragraph of every single review that Werty has made. Every single one is bad. The Origins one is his best, and even then, I had much to say about it - much that was negative. Others look to Werty’s blog and they see it to be decent or average. I cannot honestly say it is either. Because Werty neglects one thing that he, with his awareness, should never do. In fact, I would say this is the biggest dectractor to his blog overall.

I said this before in my previous review of Werty’s blog. And, what would ya know, it’s still a problem a few months later. Werty offers no advice for how to fix anything. Sure, he may list cons. He may list many cons. But almost never does he write them in such a way as to be helpful to the any writer. With his review of IR, for example, several of his cons are just mistakes on his part. Things that he forgot actually happened in DBZ. And this is true for other reviews as well. So, it’s even harder to see what can be used by the author. When Werty doesn’t specifically give any meaningful insight as to how to improve the fic, the author then has to go do it themselves, looking the cons for any help in their work. This is where Werty ultimately fails.

Werty has no actual help to offer. The pros and cons are convulted messes. They are often wrong. They are often meaningless. They are often irrelevant. And in DIR’s case, they are often nonexistent. Werty consistently glorifies pieces of work which are shallow, while dismissing and ignoring any fic which has any sort of meaning. He wants stories to be like DBZ. Like TMT and ST. Stories with no semblance of a plot. Curiously, he also found TO to be his favorite story of all time, though it was nothing like DBZ. This is, in my mind, because Werty cannot state his opinion in a clear way. It comes out hypocritical, inconsistent, blatantly biased, even. And that is Werty’s blog in a nutshell. An attempt at being a great review, and a miserable failure at such.

The many failures of this blog have reminded me how terrible it was in my first review of it, though I hope it appears I reviewed it without bias, because I really don’t have any any more. Promise. But as I did say in the beginning of this review, Werty’s blog is not the worst on the site. It’s not even close to being the worst. It’s just terrible in it’s own little way. And for that, I must give it the most appropriate grade.

Final Rating: 3.2/10

Where’d You Go?
Pros

The writing is generally good. The spelling and grammar is fine.

The ending wasn’t as bad as I thought it could be. Certainly, it was clichéd and cheesy, but that’s what I’d expect Goten to do in that situation, so it was fine.

Cons

The opening poem isn’t very good at all. It reads as a copy to a certain one I produced many months ago. Whether or not that was intentional, it makes me feel as if NM is just trying to suck up to me. That or he’s just a shameless copier hoping that he can gain skill or worth by imitating that which he likes. It doesn’t work out whatsoever.

The description of Chi-Chi going to bars and getting drunk doesn’t seem like something her character would do.

Gohan and Goten are completely OOC. It’s not even close, really.

The transition to Furry’s house is very poorly crafted. One minute Gohan and Goten are having a conversation, and then the next moment it’s “oh and gotten just decided to go to furry’s house”.

The dialogue between Furry and Goten is stagnant. The dialogue here serves no purpose. Since there was no proper buildup in the text about Goten wanting to know about his father (a simple question to Gohan did not suffice his quest around the city). When writing dialogue in this instance, given that the reader already knows that Goku is dead and that Goten is his son, there needs to be subtlety and duality within the text for it to have any meaning. Add some foreshadows to the actual plot. Otherwise, it’s a waste of time. Because, there is nothing in the Furry scene that is added, that could not have been done with Gohan.

Launches dialogue is all around poor. It’s painful to read. Then trying to get a reference to her love to Tien, by shooting a picture of him, was a really poorly thought out plan.

Again, the transition from Furry to Launch was nonexistent and confusing. There’s also no explanation for how Goten knew about Launch nor where she lived. It’s already been established that Goten doesn’t know anything about his father. So why would he know anything about one of his father’s old friends; a friend that he, himself, has never met nor even heard about?

I sound like a broken record at this point, but the transition from Launch to Trunks’ house is terrible.

The writing is very plain and doesn’t flow well from one sentence to the next. An example would be “"I guess you're here to play with Trunks!" Bulma said. Trunks! Goten's here!" Bulma said. Trunks, in his pajamas, came to the door.”

The Trunks and Bulma dialogue is irrelevant to the story. It’s not really good in and of itself, but it actually has no purpose in this fic. This story is about Goten. Not about Trunks. While Trunks’ own life may be interesting, with how short this story is, it cannot be delved into. It just breaks the focus on Goten.

The scene with Goten asking Bulma about Goku and then having Trunks call down from the second story is very confusing. There was never any overt mention of Trunks going back upstairs - which there should have been - and Goten seems too content to not get any answer from Bulma at all.

“Once they met up at the gravity room, they met up with Vegeta, unbeknownst to them” is so poorly worded.

“"Hmm?" Vegeta said, with his unusually gold hair” makes no sense. Vegeta’s Super Saiyan form isn’t unusual by this point. It just doesn’t work as a description.

Vegeta is OOC, terribly. He is far too polite to Trunks and Goten. There’s no way he’d just give them free reign of the entire gravity room. He loved that gravity room more than he loved Bulma.

Trunks’ Super Saiyan transformation is one of the most rushed descriptions of the transformation I have seen. Not only that, but since Trunks only learned how to do it the night before, he shouldn’t be able to transform that quickly.

… and then we get Goten’s transformation. Transforming because he was bored. That’s about as asinine a reason as there can be. While technically not a canon breach, I’d consider this too illogical to be a reality.

Goten’s birthday being added was random and forced. None of the characters act as they should, the writing is poor, but most of all, that cake dropping made no sense at all.

No reason whatsoever for Chi-Chi fainting.

Of course, Goten’s and Trunks’ fight wouldn’t be explained, beyond the half of sentence about letting Goten win. Yeah, thanks. That makes for good reading.

While cheesy and clichéd, I think what Goten wished for was exactly what he would have. That was no problem. What was the problem was that it was presented in such a poor way. “What Goten wished for, was to see his father. And, by some kind of magic or faith, it happened.” It is not clear at all if this happened immediately, or if this was a foreshadow to the canon tourney in the Buu saga, or what. But seriously, it was not a good ending at all. There was no resolution.

Overall, I’d say that Goten, has an illogical progression of emotions from start to finish. His random searchings yield no answers, and he shouldn’t be content in this - even though he is written as he is. Many characters, such as Vegeta, Trunks, Launch, Furry, all had roles which felt like they were forced upon Goten, though they gave him no real character growth. The ending, therefore, while not a bad idea, is not done in a good way because it is not believable at this point. NM’s version Goten is not a clear cut character; he‘s all over the place, so there’s no possibility of connecting with him.

I don’t see how Goten was based on my own personality at all. He wasn’t sarcastic at all.

Closing Thoughts: This story gives the illusion that it is good. It has proper spelling and grammar; usually tell tale signs of a decent fic. However, nigh everything else about this fic is not only bad, but it is borderline unreadable. The story is choppy. It has no flow. Scenes hold little purpose, such as Furry’s or Launch’s, or Trunks’/Bulma’s extended dialogue scene. The characters are all out of character. None of it seems like Dragon Ball. If the story had been less rushed and more IC on a whole, I could see it as tolerable. As it stands, however, I don’t think that will happen without a huge re-write, implementing fixes to my cons above.

Final Rating: E

Piccolo: The Guardian of Hell
Pros


 * Generally good spelling and grammar. Word usage is below average, but the mechanics and formatting are all good.


 * I like the setting of this story. Hell, itself, was a very underdeveloped area of DB lore and it’s quite refreshing that Mongo’s delved into this area, instead of the cliché of X years after GT. It also offers an unprecedented opportunity to expand Piccolo’s character - something which is pretty much unable to be done in any other setting.


 * I think having scenes from Frieza’s perspective was an excellent choice. They were all very interesting to read.


 * Mace’s entrance was well done. I could easily picture the entire scene in my mind. Unlike most of the rest of the text, the word choices here were quite good and descriptive.


 * I liked Mace’s “put one foot in front of the other” dialogue. Reminds me of that one Christmas special… which perhaps this was reference to?


 * Mace vs. Piccolo/Frieza is a well described fight scene. I like it.

Cons


 * I don’t like that Kid Buu is alive without any proper explanation.


 * “"Forecast... blistering heat, with a high chance of no return," Piccolo murmured to himself.” Probably an attempt to sound badass. Nevertheless, it didn’t work.


 * Frieza is a pretty bad OOC. Same with King Cold. It looks to me like Mongo simply wrote elegant for them, but not in character. There are many different ways to elegant and sophisticated, but the style chosen for these two is not quite right.


 * Many words are used in slightly incorrect ways, leading me to believe Mongo used a thesaurus and not his actual vocabulary to write them. Examples include “Hell was an unusually large place, thus dictating control of it was hardly a practice of novice experience.” and “King Cold meekly approached his son from the right, placing his hand atop the precipice of his shoulder.” Aside from the overall awkwardness of these sections, the word usage isn’t completely correct.


 * The worst example of improper word usage I‘ve seen yet is: "Son... don't let these mongrols get the best of you. You know you're better than that," said King Cold, attempting to rectify his child's intolerable behavior. "Besides, we have bigger fish to fry. The Green Man is still among us. He is waiting for us to slip up. He WANTS us to become fragmented, and disenfranchised with one another, don't you see? That is his end game."


 * I do think that the erroneous word usage hampers the flow of this story on the whole. For me at least, I had to read that KC quote above several times just to understand it. It simply does not make sense to use all these synonyms. Synonyms don’t exactly mean the same thing as the word you are trying to express. So basically, the meaning will be lost in translation if you use near definitions. Stuff like that serves no purpose other than to flout skill - and if it was truly skill, that would be admirable. But since it’s not, there’s no point in using words you don’t usually use or know how to.


 * Overall, I find Piccolo’s dialogue to be intolerable. Almost all of is OOC to the max and not something I could imagine anyone saying. It doesn’t read as dialogue, but merely as extensions of the narration.


 * There is not a proper enough explanation as to how much power the villains in hell were able to retain. Such a thing would be appropriate to gloss over had this entire story not taken place in hell. If they keep all of their power after death, that would be an important thing to note; because, in that case, Piccolo would be no match for them. He wasn’t even stronger than Cell at his fullest, so I doubt he would have been able to take on Cell or Kid Buu or a bunch of the villains at the same time. Of course, if they had lesser power, that would also need to be stated for clarification.


 * Frieza’s speech at the beginning of Chapter 2 is nonsensical gibberish. I’d do away with it altogether.


 * A blast blasting Piccolo 200 feet is child’s play. I don’t see how that’s such a big deal, considering the universe that this story is in. Piccolo’s been blasted further many a time.


 * King Kai’s inclusion was rather lackluster, in my opinion. The huge paragraph about Goku was pretty unneeded and irrelevant to the story. The little bit at the end was all that mattered, and that should have been expanded and given more detail.


 * Also, King Kai shouldn’t be weeping at Goku leaving. There’s nowhere Goku could go with Shenron that King Kai wouldn’t be able to watch over, anyway. So that part was not believable.


 * Gero’s speech is nothing anyone could/would ever say ever. In addition, it’s nothing his character would even dare dream of saying. OOC.


 * King Kai seemed mighty desperate when he contacted Piccolo. Then, for no reason, he went into a huge monologue on the history of the book. Granted, that was needed, but that was neither the time nor the place to do so. Also, the frantic energy that King Kai brought to that scene was quickly dissipated by that long speech. This frantic energy (a good thing) comes back slightly after that, but again, there is too much dialogue and thought to have it be effective, overall.


 * In Chapter 3, Frieza states that he can sense power. If he can, he wouldn’t need to scour anything to find Piccolo. But he can’t. That was one of the few weak points of Frieza’s character. He needed his trusty scouter. So, it’s not a good point to give him this random ability. Explain it, if it must be kept.


 * This is your last warning, Mace! Leave this realm for good, or I'll do so by my own accord!," implies that Piccolo will leave the realm if Mace won’t. Should probably reword that section.


 * What humbleness has King Kai shown yet? And why is that even relevant in Piccolo’s fight with Mace?


 * Piccolo’s/Mace’s dialogue together is pretty bad, overall. Most of it makes no sense.


 * I’d also appreciate it if every time a new person talked, a new paragraph could be made. It’s very muddied to have several different lines in the same paragraph; and it doesn’t make for good reading, either.


 * Chi-Chi’s loneliness does not feel as real, as Goku only left mere paragraphs before in the last chapter. Sure, she’d feel lonely immediately, but not enough for Gohan to be concerned. That should take time… which it just hasn’t in this story.


 * Gohan wouldn’t roll his eyes at his mother’s sorrow.


 * The Gohan/Videl/Pan/Chi-Chi scene, on a whole, was a mistake. In the midst of the battle in Hell, this story is totally irrelevant. Also, I think the good thing about this story was that it took place in Hell. Going out of hell - especially so early in the story, is not something that should have been done. If it had to have been done, I would have saved that for the finale.


 * Frieza wouldn’t collapse in fear at anything.


 * Mace cocking his head so much is ripping off Super Buu’s same mannerism.


 * Overall, I think the plot driving this story could have been a little more complicated. It’s the usual, simple one of a new powerful villain comes and the hero fights him for several chapters and eventually wins. Considering this guy is a Kai, there is ample room to give the story many non-fighting related plot points. Giving him a character to grow on is really important, considering he is a fanon character.

Closing Thoughts: When reading this story, there were several things that stood out to me. First off, the constant misusage of words disrupted the flow for me greatly. It also made me have a hard time taking this fanon as seriously when it became consistently, laughably bad because of this. But not all of this story is bad. The plot is solid. The ideas are good. The scenery of Hell was a unique choice that was done decently. The characters were not portrayed very well, but it was not as bad as it could have been. Every single character was OOC. But it was still enjoyable to read. Particularly, the Mace vs. Piccolo and Frieza fight was entertaining. Quite so. I’d say this story certainly has potential, were it to stay fully in hell and not get involved with Gohan or Vegeta or the other Z fighters. If Piccolo had to use the other beings in Hell; Cell, Frieza, Buu, etc, that would be far more interesting that getting the expected help from the Z fighters. Overall, I found this story to be slightly below average. Disappointly so, because I did really want to enjoy it; but the problems were too vast to overlook. My rating reflects as such.

Final Rating: C

Dragon Ball Z: King Vegeta the Super Saiyan
Pros

None.

Cons

Bardock is OOC.

As is King Vegeta.

It’s not logical that KV would be so open to train with Bardock like that. I don’t think they’d be enemies, but they are much too friendly around each other. It’s not how a Saiyan would act.

Dialogue all around is poorly crafted. Not only is it something I could not imagine them saying, but it is also written out in a poor way, as to make it very confusing to read.

There is not a clear enough line cut when dialogue turns into scene direction. Perhaps making the actions bold or in all caps could make it easier to read.

Bardock can’t sense ki. He wouldn’t know that Frieze arrived in Hell.

Descriptions are vague and uninteresting. Saying that Bardock and Vegeta trained from their death up until Frieza’s is just lazy.

The fight scenes are really bad. There is no description, just one liners about who beats who. It moves too quickly without having any decent explanations.

King Vegeta’ SS had no proper buildup. It just happened and then he defeated Frieza. Terrible.

I’m failing to see the purpose of Bardock’s inclusion. He really has none.

The way Frieza gave up was very anticlimactic. The fight lasted all of two sentences, and then he just gives up. It’s too quick.

There is no plot or logicality in this story. It’s just KV suddenly gets Super Saiyan and beats up Frieza. Which isn’t interesting at all, when it was so rushed.

Closing Thoughts: This story is a rushed mess. The format offers little detail, the dialogue is bad, the characters are shallow and boring. The resolution of this story (SS) is very forced. There is no believability in it. Couple the bad plot with the bad writing, and this story is, overall, a complete failure. I cannot recommend it.

Final Rating: E-

Rise of the Villains
Pros

Nope.

Cons

Yemma is out of character.

Cell is talking far too eloquently for his personality.

Cell wouldn’t be able to kill Yemma. He would have done it long ago if he could. Or, more logically, he would have had his power transferred, like Buu’s was, if he could actually do any damage. Yemma wouldn’t put people in hell he knows would be able to overpower him and break out.

There needs to be paragraph separation for new dialogue. Just putting all of it in one paragraph muddies up the text and makes it unreadable.

The plan for getting Janemba was unexplained.

Killing the ogre seems OOU to me. If they could kill the ogres, they would have done it long ago.

Grammar is overall poor and makes the story flow poorly.

Pan shouldn’t be calling Vegeta “Vegeta”. She should have respect for her superiors.

Bulma OOC. Ugh.

I really don’t like how rehashed the plot is. Everyone has escaped from hell several times before. It’s been done. I’d rather watch it, not read a poor attempt at copying it.

The whole story is very rushed. Things happen far too quickly; and there is no time for development at all.

Gotenks killed Omega Shenron far too quickly. OS was the strongest villain ever. If they can kill him so quickly, there should be no effort needed for ANY other villain.

Gohan’s dialogue to himself is painful to read.

Cell vs. Vegeta was a boring fight. Nothing happened in it.

It makes no sense why the hell villains wouldn’t all come out at once.

Hatchiyack is far too powerful. Yet, of course, he is destroyed in one blast.

Janemba’s and Gero’s convo between each other is completely out of character and uninteresting. I don’t want to read boring stuff that has little to no impact on the plot. If just half as much time was spent on fight scenes as they were on these senseless dialogues, maybe this fic would be more readable.

Gohan/Goten/Trunks going super Saiyan 4 was terrible. They all became conscious immediately, in the great ape form, which makes no sense. Aside from that, with no explanation, it just comes off as terrible fanboyism.

Closing Thoughts: While this fanon remains unfinished - ending abruptly just before that final showdown between the gang of Super Saiyan 4s and Janemba, I honestly prefer it this way. I’m sure that fight scene, alone, would be enough to garner a whole ton of cons. Nevertheless, the rest of the story is not any good. It was a rushed, confusing mess, filled with overpowering and illogical plot points. There is no character development. The characters that are featured act nothing like their manga/anime counterparts. If I were to say that one con overshadowed all the rest, though, I would go with this story being boring. The fights were so poorly done, the dialogue so terribly done that there is no respite anywhere in the text to take a break from the constant crap. I cannot find anything in this story that is redeemable or good. I do not recommend it.

Final Rating: E-

The Other Side
Pros

I like the setting for this story. Especially that the two children lived in poverty without parents.

17’s first kill was written in an interesting way.

18 reading that magazine near the beginning was a really great idea.

The plot point of 17 joining a gang because he was poor was a natural point-progression point. I think it was really unique, too, how his symbol for being in it was having an earring.

I really liked 17’s reaction to his first kill. I would have preferred him to be a bit more of a sociopath about it, but it’s still okay as it is.

I liked part 4, with Android 18 in her new body. It was presented in a really unique way that made for some great reading.

Cons

It really bothers me how the first words after a quote are capitalized. For example: ““Need something?” She asked…” there is no reason to capitalize the “she” at all. Please stop doing that.

Kurai was not immediately said to be the brother. For several paragraphs, he was simply unnamed, and then the next one, he was named. This was wholly confusing, and for readers we cannot assume who is who like the author may, so this definitely needs a smoother transition.

The contrast of the setting and the possessions make no sense. If the children are living in such terrible poverty, how can they possibly have a bag of jewelry… or am I missing something? The contradiction really shakes the creditability of the scene.

Word usage is sometimes improper or just plain awkward. It disrupts the otherwise well- flowing story.

“The slight stiffening of Kurai’s lithe figure was enough answer for her. “How could you?” She asked, angrily but her voice not rising above a normal tone, for fear of alarming their father.”

Specifically going on about that quote above, I think that their father’s presence was added rather poorly into this conversation. There is already a lot going on in this story, and such information would be best revealed gradually, especially with the revealing of the mother already being dead. As well, trying to throw this much information at us so quickly into the story makes this all rather confusing.

Kurai’s dialogue on a whole is not up to par. I can’t imagine a boy his age saying what he says.

I don’t think that there has been a single good, subtle reveal. Both the revelations about the children’s parents were lackluster at best, and seemed to be rushed into the story, being revealed at too early a time. It’s two paragraphs in, and we learn all about these kids, and yet I’m not feeling anything for them because it’s all rather pedestrian in its quality. Yeah, the mom’s dead, the dad’s a drunk. And they’re poor. It’s pretty darned clichéd, so at least save those “bombshells” for a point later in the fanon where we will have a chance to appreciate it. As it stands, that just can’t happen because we don’t know these characters yet.

This is limited to the sentences directly after quotes, but I think they are far too wordy and try to convey way too much. The first rule of dialogue is duality. If it’s not accomplishing the dual purpose of character development as well as plot expansion, then it is failing. You should not need to use the text after that to show the tone of the words as much as you do. The words themselves should speak well enough. I’m not saying that it’s improper to have such long, complex replacements for “said”, but it should most definitely not be happening every time anyone talks.

The second act, on a whole, gets far too wordy again, and flows poorly from the awkwardness of it all. I’d recommend cutting down on adverbs in particular.

The dialogue in act two is unrealistic exposition. It’s just not believable as something someone would say. The gang members don’t even talk like they are in a gang, or live on the street. They talk like any well-educated person would. Which, obviously, they are not.

The children knowing martial arts skills was not aptly explained. 17 simply wanting him and 18 to know some basic techniques does not mean they would automatically know them. Explain these things!

The reasoning for the two leaving the city was shoddy. The plot did not flow at this point, it was forced and jammed down our throats.

Gero is mondo OOC.

I was a bit disappointed by how Gero got 17 and 18. It made the leadup to it irrelevant. None of that was part of how he found them, really. They could just have easily been out there collecting berries or something and he could have found them. There should have been a more cohesive connecting point to Gero and the city-rats story.

Closing Comments: This story is by no means bad. I know I gave it a lot of cons, but that’s just usual from me. I think the overall plot of this story was sound. The characters were good enough. Some parts of this story were downright incredible, such as 17 killing the man. Despite what I will get into below, I think the pros really outweigh the cons. Nevertheless, let’s press on.

Some parts of this story were simply not up to par. The writing was flawed, mainly in the same way that SSK’s writing was - it’s just too wordy and awkward to flow well. This may be because the author has no idea what these words mean, and is using a dictionary/thesaurus to add them into the story, or it could just be a case of trying to do too much too fast. And, really, that was the main problem of this story. Its flow was choppy and rushed. Plot points, such as the ones about the parents were added in rather haphazardly, as if ‘just because’. The gang story, while not bad in and of itself, was not connected to the Gero one. Ultimately (and I’m considering this story to not be continued as of my reading of it) much of the plot seemed irrelevant to the bigger picture of Gero kidnapping the children. None of the preceding events needed to happen before meeting Gero. Relevance is key here, and if a story is portrayed as a seemingly random sequence of events, with no natural progression, it cannot possibly be enjoyed fully.

I think, were those cons to be fixed, this story would be quite good. It has potential, with every aspect within it. Unlike many other fics, the inherent coherency of this one marks a rare sign of promise that few other stories can dare dream to match. As far as actual rating goes, this story is, as it stands rather “average” in my mind. I still would highly recommend anyone to read it, as it is still one of the better fan fictions on our site.

Final Rating: B-

Pros

 * 1) The setting is refreshing. Instead of a story about some new Saiyan or some new enemy befalling the Z Fighters, this is about Krillin’s life after the Cell games. Such an original idea warrants its own pro.
 * 2) Spelling and Grammar is all top notch.
 * 3) Korin’s dialogue, on a whole, is masterfully presented. I had no trouble reading (most of) it in his voice, and I cannot doubt that he would say what he did.
 * 4) The idea to give Krillin Yajirobe’s mask was brilliant.
 * 5) The scene of Krillin in the car is very good. The descriptions are stunning and vivid. The character development, even if it is slight, is among the most important in all of this story, I think. And, not to mention, Krillin being a nervous wreck - a slow driver is hilarious.
 * 6) Krillin’s ineptitude as a worker makes me wonder how he ever got himself hired. The part where he mailed off his memo to everyone was really funny.
 * 7) The innocent unknowingness of Krillin as he attempted to find crime was well written, and a good choice to include.
 * 8) I liked the explanation of ki; it was definitely needed and useful. One thing to add, though, as that perhaps everyone senses ki differently, as everyone has different morality.
 * 9) Alluding to David so far before he was actually introduce, with the new furrybots was a spot of genius. That is exactly how graduality should be in these stories.
 * 10) KaiMan is a good name for Krillin’s superhero self. It may have been unintentional, but the name is highly paradoxical, and ironic - particularly since Krillin is the man who bears it.
 * 11) I like how Krillin is not being a super hero for the fame of it.
 * 12) The King Furry scene was well made. I really enjoyed the insight into Furry’s mind in all of this. It is interesting to see that his priorities are paperwork, and he has almost no knowledge nor any sort of care about all that Krillin is doing, out in the real world. And that contrast is spectacular.
 * 13) I really like the plot of Krillin dealing with all these criminals, especially hearing their personal justifications for themselves.
 * 14) A great part of the early chapters is that the antagonist is undefined. Be it the concepts of evil, boredom, longing, or whatever, it is a really interesting part of the story.
 * 15) Once again, there is great contrast between Krillin’s work life and his superhero one. Even at the party, he has trouble concealing his latter personality. Quite interesting.
 * 16) Krillin’s first fight with the furrybots was good.
 * 17) I very much liked that Krillin could not kill the furrybots for fear of also killing a human hostage attached to them.
 * 18) Krillin didn’t win his first battle. Big pro, I say.
 * 19) David’s scenes alone were well done. His dialogue to the helper robot is one of the few instances where talking is done right.
 * 20) The back-story to David, and to his dragon radar is logical as it is entertaining.
 * 21) Using a tape recorder is an ingenious way to shell out exposition. It feels natural.
 * 22) Krillin’s entrance into David’s base was well done. But there is one question I have about this. Did he realize David was the Michael he saved before?
 * 23) David’s an ideological little bugger, ain’t he?
 * 24) I really like the depth of character given to Furry. He is such a minor character that I wouldn’t expect anyone to do this, even in this story. That was a good surprise. Also, while he is described as a puppet, it would be good to at least hint as to who he was a puppet to.
 * 25) The writing of the fanatic shooting Furry was quite well done. It may very well be the best example of flow and sophistication in the entirety of the story.
 * 26) Furry dying was a shock - a good shock. Being a canon character, one would not expect him to die. The author had great awareness to be able to use this to the story’s advantage.
 * 27) My single favorite moment in this story is Krillin realizing his hair is growing back. It’s a short moment, but it really gives his character a subtle, positive light that was desperately needed in this moment.
 * 28) Furry’s forged will was actually not as bad an idea as I remembered it. I think it is logical and straightforward enough.
 * 29) Chapter 5’s writing quality is unparalleled anywhere else in the story. No longer are there occasionally awkward, or misplaced words. It reads very professionally.
 * 30) The imagery the song in Chapter 5, section 4 created was good. Good choice of music for that scene, overall.
 * 31) The fake Dragon ball in the same scene mentioned above was really good. It was another unexpected twist that completely caught me by surprise. Therefore, it’s super good.
 * 32) If that was intentional, what with Krillin confusing David’s old name to be Mark instead of Michael, then I applaud the attention to detail. Such a little thing, yes, but such a brilliant thing as well.
 * 33) David’s second tape recording was just as good as the first in being a positive, easily flowing exposition device.
 * 34) Dat Abridged reference in Chapter 6 part 2.
 * 35) I like the way that Vegeta and Tien/Chaiotzu were taken out of the battle. Maybe it was a little bit forced, but it worked well nonetheless.
 * 36) Having Piccolo come in was unexpected. Not in a bad way, either.
 * 37) Really well done on Krillin’s response to Piccolo coming in. That was spot on how he would act, after all the civilians were killed.
 * 38) The ruse with David punching a hole in Krillin was quite good. As well, him being an android now was an unexpected bit.
 * 39) The cliffhanger, with Krillin basically dying was the best point in this otherwise average chapter. Actually, were it not for the ending, I would have given this story a score two grades lower. Yes, it was really that good.

Cons

 * 1) Small con, but the exact city name should be specified at least once.
 * 2) Android 18’s dialogue is off. Her first bit of dialogue, ““There is no way that our little girl is growing up in the same house as that pervert Roshi!”” is not something that she would say, especially with an exclamation point at the end. Another line of her’s that is incredibly out of character is ““Honey, why would you even say that?””. Again, this is something that can mainly be picked up by reading the manga or watching the anime. She just doesn’t talk with that sweet air about her.
 * 3) “18 furiously replied, her face showing clear signs of immense anger.” - that is a clear sign of the pleonasm that plagued Tien: Origins, and continues to show itself in this story. The over wordiness in this situation makes for awkward and slow reading.
 * 4) Despite me praising Korin‘s dialogue before, there is one instance that needs addressing. Simply put, Korin would never say “best get running”.
 * 5) Yajirobe’s dialogue is off. The way he engages Krillin, the way he acts just isn’t right. The antisocial behavior of Yajirobe isn’t high or direct enough, and moreover, he wouldn’t start a conversation with Krillin asking about where he is living to begin with. Having him utter the words “whole gang” makes me shudder.
 * 6) However, the way Yajirobe gave Krillin his mask was strenuous at best. Yajirobe gave it to Krillin because Krillin was “living a lie”. This was random and abrupt; ineffective in executing a proper plot point. In fact, while it was a brilliant idea in and of itself, if there can’t be a valid reason for Krillin coming into possession of the mask, I’d rather him not get it at all and make his own.
 * 7) I don’t understand why Krillin took the mask so easily. He’d either refuse it at first because he would be polite, or he would refuse it because he wouldn’t want it. At this point in the story, why would he take it so readily? It seems OOC to me.
 * 8) Regrettably, the scene with the two men beating up the woman was clichéd. Nearly all super hero films have one of these scenes, and I would have expected something more original, more enjoyable to read happen.
 * 9) The jump from Krillin not fighting crime, to saving one woman, to suddenly becoming the city vigilante was rushed. I don’t think it would take more than a few paragraphs at the beginning (while he was still at work) to explain Krillin’s longing to save more people and be a hero.
 * 10) Even with a mask, I don’t think Krillin would suddenly not care about drawing attention to himself. I don’t think he would fly out in the open, at least at first.
 * 11) Talking about furrybots, and talking about how they are changed from before, without explaining what they looked like before or what they look like now was ruddy confusing.
 * 12) Also, it should be made clearer if the cops are actual humans, or if the furrybots handle everything. The furrybots do not talk as if they are artificial, so it is hard to tell from that alone.
 * 13) David’s ki is the one that is evil, correct? How would Krillin not know instantly that he was lying about his name and his intent?
 * 14) David’s first speech is highly awkward. He talks in such a technical manner, one which no one would be expected to do in such a situation. Aside from being able to sense David’s ki, I think Krillin would pick up on this as suspicious.
 * 15) Overall, David’s introduction was a disappointment. The name “Michael Appache” serves no purpose other than to satisfy an in-story easter egg. Couple that with his pathetic speech and demeanor, not to mention his figuring KaiMan, and it all flows together terribly. Reading this the first time, you would realize it is an important plot point, but there’s no way it is coherent enough to leave the reader in a state of anticipation.
 * 16) I’m starting to see a pattern of awkwardness in all dialogue, not just in the canon characters. Everyone talks in a way that over-explains things. And that is almost all that is present. There is no humanity in the speech - no small talk, no niceties, and that in turn makes it just seem like a couple of robots conversing, throughout the text.
 * 17) If the people aren’t bad at heart, then why do they have evil ki? It is an inconsistent idea.
 * 18) Can you imagine Krillin saying “Er”? I can’t.
 * 19) Upon Krillin’s finding of the furrybot 1.0 head, I simply wonder to myself, what is a furrybot anyway?
 * 20) It is highly unlikely that Krillin’s job could afford to hire so many people, including a person such as him, and yet only be in their first year of business. Not only would a company not have the capital to hire Krillin, but they wouldn’t be making a profit to begin with (in the first year) so as to even sustain him.
 * 21) The furrybots fighting with one another seems way too inefficient for David’s plans. I don’t see how, if Krillin could find a couple fighting out in the open, more people wouldn’t have seen them. Considering their upgrades, the furrybot 2.0s could just disintegrate the 1.0s immediately.
 * 22) I don’t see how the furrybot could show consideration (or any emotion, for that matter) on its face.
 * 23) The fulfillment of an easter egg does not justify calling David the name “Michael” at all. It disrupts, confuses and slows the reader down.
 * 24) Be specific with which desert the 7th Dragon Ball is in!
 * 25) Krillin never showcased that much power in David’s presence. It’s not believable that David knows he is so very strong.
 * 26) Krillin’s and David’s speech to one another is so horrendously god-awful that I still have trouble reading through it without feeling endlessly embarrassed for the author. A side note, not worth a con, but Krillin wouldn’t need to follow the furrybots to locate David’s base. He could just sense the man’s evil ki.
 * 27) I don’t see where Krillin got the idea David was going to kill million’s of people.
 * 28) Policemen don’t answer 911 calls.
 * Um, why would the dragon radar be on the floor like that? Also, wouldn’t David have a supercomputer with a radar in it? Not a little device. I don’t see why he wouldn’t.
 * 1) From chapter 5, near the beginning - “He did seem to be able to stand upright, or even speak, for that matter.” - simply does not make sense.
 * 2) Yamcha’s entrance was terrible. Not to mention, he randomly had a Dragon Ball, which he found by unexplained means. This is too coincidental and too forced to be believable. It does not read well.
 * 3) Krillin’s and Yamcha’s conversation is not a conversation between those two characters. They are both too OOC for it to be.
 * 4) Furry’s will seemed decidedly unguarded.
 * 5) I wish Furrybots would not be called policemen.
 * 6) The David section of chapter 5 was rather terrible. But this gets into the whole logic of David’s wish to begin with. Why bother prophesizing? Why not just wish to be made the legitimate ruler of the world? This scene is a prime example of an unnecessary, unbelievable plot point which, as I will start to get into, brings about the downfall of this story.
 * 7) I don’t see why Krillin didn’t pursue the bot who took the ball. Even if he was unconscious until it got out of eyesight, he could sense David’s evil ki. He would have no hard time getting there. He is much faster than the bots. He would only have to take one ball again. The plan is not a difficult one to realize. But, Krillin does no such thing. Instead, for some unknown reason he stays where he is and fights the furrybots, knowing he won’t be killing them. So what is the point?
 * 8) Reading as Krillin stays in the desert for so long, when it hold so little plot purpose is tedious. Reading him, for the umpteenth time, attacking the furrybots with no hope of beating or killing them is maddening. It was okay at first. The first time he fought a furrybot, and when he was first in the desert. But this section of the story is so drawn out, compared to (say) the effects of him being a superhero, that it is downright unmemorable.
 * 9) The struggle for the radar is a rehash of the struggle for the Dragon Ball a chapter before.
 * 10) Krillin got over killing a human being too quickly. So much importance had thus far been put on not killing, that when he did, it was barely a few paragraph’s guilt before he was all better again. That’s not good, nor is it consistent to his character.
 * 11) There have been references to two cities now, very late in the story. Central City and West City. It would be nice to know which one is actually the city where this is all happening, or if both cities have been used thus far, that should have been made more clear.
 * 12) Chapter 6, and Chapter 6 part 2 in particular, shows a clear decline in the quality of writing. Whereas chapter 5 flowed well with many unique, connecting words, this chapter just feels like it was rushed (as if that could be possible), as if it were not given as much time and effort as the other chapters before it. The plot remains the same, in steady tedious decline, but the word usage and flow takes a significant dip here; not to the point where it is unreadable, but to the point where it begins looking like Tien: Origins again.
 * 13) David’s method to become God is just not believable at all. Not even after the comets, and the descending from the heavens bit. The explanation given was ludicrous and asinine at best.
 * 14) Piccolo is a little OOC. He should be more of a badass, in all honesty. I don’t get that feeling from hit at all in his AF portrayal.
 * 15) Not being able to pick out David’s power level is inconsistent to the before times, where Krillin could pick out any mondo-evil power out of a crowd. Considering Krillin already got rid of most of the evil, David should be incredibly easy to find. Addressing these cons in mock fashion does nothing to make the fanon better.
 * 16) I do wish, overall, David’ ideology would have been portrayed more directly. This isn’t exactly a con, as you should be able to fix that in the sequel, but I thought it worth mentioning.

Closing Thoughts
Firstly, I will say that the chapters of AF, from best to worst, go: 5, 4, 1, 7, 3, 2, 6. Now onto my thoughts.

It may appear above that I rather detested this story. I mean, I do have a whopping 45 cons for this story. But this is truly and utterly a false notion. A Front is not a bad story. It is not even an average story. When you simply compare it against the many stories that exist on this wiki, it blows nearly all of them away. I did have problems with it, I will not deny, but most of them were minor things. My major cons were that chapter 6 and onward were tedious and illogical, that this story becomes increasingly awkward and difficult to read as time goes on, and that dialogue on a whole is unbelievable. This is why chapter 6 is my least favorite. It is tedious and boring, offering little that is new and rehashing much of what is not. Were I to rate it alone, it would be in the D range. However, every other chapter is much better than that, as I will go on with now.

The pros were slightly smaller, encompassing only 39 spots. But, as any reader should be able to easily deduce, my pros outweigh my cons. The story itself is one that I enjoy immensely, and sans chapter 6 (and 7), it is written for with such craft and wit that any other author should jealous and hopeful to be even able to replicate a chapter of its quality. AF’s plot is unlike any other on this site. As I mentioned in my very first pro, it takes a unique idea and tells it masterfully. It relies on no gimmick - no Super Saiyan, no new overpowered villain, no insane power levels. None of it. And, this story needs none of it. The character developments of Krillin and David drive this story. Though there are inconsistencies with each character, it does not make this story horrible. Nay, the characters drive this story, even with their imperfections, in a way few others can or could attempt to.

Ultimately, enjoyment is the largest factor in my rating this story, and enjoyment does this story have. Truly, and I know I am not alone in this, I could not wait to see this story continued, chapter by chapter. The problem was that we would get, optimistically, only one chapter a month. I cannot legitimately con the outrageous time in between chapters released, but that really did disrupt the enjoyment of this story. Especially for chapter six. To wait so long for it, for it to be so long, and split into two parts, it was horrible to read. Nevertheless, as I have just read the story (as intended) all in one go, chapter 1 to chapter 7, I can much more readily appreciate it than by the folly of procrastination’s cloak before; much to say, but it is quite lovely.

In closing, I must recommend A Front to everyone. It is, for the most part, a great story. It has a detailed plot of actual substance (not just mindless fighting) and it has intricate characters, oh whom David stands chiefly. Would I be so bold as to call him the greatest fanon character I have ever seen anyone else ever produce? Perhaps, but that is up for everyman to decide for himself. As for me, and as for A Front, my rating is below.

Final Rating: A

I also have to give a brief notice to two canon conflictions in the story: 1. The dragon grants two wishes, so David should have had a second before the dragon balls went away. 2. King Furry has to be resurrected before a year after his death - which is impossible unless they use Namekian dragon balls, or if Dende made a new set (which he’d have no reason to). Either that, or Furry never died… but that’d be ruddy stupid. I haven’t NCF’d the story, because I am unsure if these will be resolved in the sequel.

Misc. Thoughts:

 * The single best scene so far that I have read is Frieza/Cooler learning about the birds and the bees in the fan fiction REDACTED. Quite frankly, it's legendary.
 *  My favorite story thusfar is Tien: Origins. My least favorite is Dragonball Unlimated. 
 * In my updated ratings, Tien: Origins is the only story to be ranked above an A+.
 * The most common rating is E- (or R- for comedic stories), which is the worst.
 * Most people who cannot write a decent story can also not make decent reviews. I would say the only exception to this rule is Hyper Zergling's, who's reviews are simply subpar because he does not put effort into them, not because he could not make them good.
 * My Top 5 favorite stories are, as follows:
 * Tien: Origins
 * Depiction in Red
 * A Front
 * Why Bother?
 * Dragon Ball ST: Origins Of Serroli

Stories To Be Reviewed
(these will not be reviewed in any particular order) Revamp reviews:
 * Dragon Ball Z AT by Constinet gr
 * Dragonball YTK by TienShinhan88
 * What is this I don't even... why's it so long by I have no idea who
 * Dragon caos by 68.39.179.48
 * Goku Chronicles by KorintheKat
 * User Talk:Piccolo The Super Namek/Archive 1 by Piccolo The Super Namek
 * Chocolateaddictjr by Chocolateaddictjr
 * NomadMusik by NomadMusik
 * Dragon Ball:Adventures by 99.67.112.19
 * Proud Saiyan Prince Vegeta by Maki Jiita
 * Ania.gif by NomadMusik
 * No Spam by Chocolateaddictjr
 * Dragon Ball: Raging Blast 3 by no one in particular
 * Dragon Ball T by Supersaiyian11
 * ParaGoomba348's Reviews by ParaGoomba348
 * D-Disk Reviews by Destructivedisk
 * Goku vs. Uub by Jimmykiller9
 * Dragon Bomb by SuperSaiyanKrillin
 * Dragon Bomb 2 by SuperSaiyanKrillin
 * The Wrath of Buu by Nimbus.69
 * I Can't Remember What Happen Last Night? by 70.179.97.100
 * Dragon Ball: The Nephew of Goku by Matrixpretty
 * Breaklose From Hell (Story) by Goku484
 * Finish AP
 * Dragon Ball EG
 * Gohan Son and the Prisoner of Azkaban