User blog:KidVegeta/KidVegeta's reviews

"There is much talk, and I have listened, through rock and metal and time. Now I shall talk, and you shall listen."

These reviews are just my opinions. I do not claim to be better or worse than anyone else here. Please keep things polite, I'm willing to discuss all my reviews in a civil manner.

RATINGS:

S (highest)

A

B

C

D

E (lowest)

Explanation of ratings:

Ratings such as E or D are very (in my mind) very bad fics. B or C are what I consider average (though average is still thought of as extremely low). A is decent, or mediocre. S is good. Perchance that there is ever a fan fic that I review that is amazing, that will get an S+.

For now, I'm going to start with the featured fan fictions, as well as I few others I have read. But,I will review any and all stories that are requested. I'll list pros and cons right now, because otherwise it would be too long.

DRAGON BALL ST:
Pros:

Serroli

Length of Sagas are just right

True Super Saiyan Saga (the idea of Vegeta exploring Frieza's orgins was, quite simply, brilliant; however I would have liked for that to have been expanded upon)

Characters, are for the most part, consistent with their canon personalities

Overall, the villains are well thought out

Fights are well thought out, and entertaining

Style of writing is above average

Cons:

Lots of inconsistencies

SS5 & SS6 (I would have like these better if they were given better explainations in the story)

Return of Buu

Lack of buildup in story (ie... Uub's death)

Goku beating Vegeta (too predictable)

True Super Saiyan turning out to be Goku and Vegeta (split)

Goku using the spirit bomb... again

Overall rating: C

THE ENERGY RIDER
Pros:

It has an unusual name

Cons:

Incredibly boring, I didn't even finish it

Overall rating: E

GOHAN SON AND THE PRISONER OF AZKABAN
Pros:

Writing is solid

It's short

Cons:

Characters are inconsistent to their canon personalities

The premise is horrible

The actual story isn't any better

Overall rating: E

DRAGON BALL ZZ
Pros:

There's nothing beyond SS3

Z fighters' dialogue seems right

Cons:

Unoriginal Story

Poorly thought out villains

Incredibly repetitive

What happened to androids 21 and 22?

Overall rating: D

DRAGON BALL UNLEASHED
Pros:

It's refreshing subtle

Really reminds of original dragon ball

Cons:

Never explained why 17 was evil (who had turned good)

The concept of the golden star dragon ball

The story isn't really that developed (only three episodes... so why is it a featured fan fiction?)

Overall rating: C

DRAGON BALL NS
Pros:

The idea of Ascended SS3 (something I myself have considered before, and may use)

Tsufu is a decent enemy

Writing style is good

Entertaining fights

Cons:

Xorcai's Saga shouldn't have a nine year gap within it

Continued god-like powers of Goku; it makes the others look like their unneeded, because ultimately, they were (although I admit DBZ had this problem too)

Tournament Saga is too similar to the one in DBZ

Explanation of Xorcai's survival was outragous

The ungranted wish idea felt lacking

Overall rating: C

DRAGON BALL GT: KING PROTON
Pros:

The artwork isn't all that bad

Cons:

There's no story here... I don't know why it's featured

Overall rating: E

DRAGON BALL XT
Pros:

Android Z was decent

Tournament idea wasn't as bad as I thought it would be

Bardock ('nuff said)

Cons:

I don't like that the already defeated villains were used again

SS5

Character Daniel isn't developed enough

Vegeta is out of character

Overall rating: C

DRAGON BALL VN
Pros:

I never thought I would say this, but Bardock is one of the few who I could see acheiving SS3. I actually like how it turned out.

Solid Story

Solid writing

Cons:

Vegeta getting defeated by Bardock. I'm really getting tired of everyone making Vegeta weaker than he really is.

I don't like that you said Vegeta met Bardock as a child.

Overall rating: C

DRAGON BALL VT
Pros:

Goku didn't go Super Saiyan 5 first.

First Saga with Frieza has potential to become something good.

I like the amount of buildup. Lots of good backstory.

Goku didn't beat Vegeta in their fight, but it was still close.

While sometimes inconsistent, this story reminds a lot of "dragon ball z". Dare I say I would like to see this get made (With the errors below fixed)?

The actual story is very long, with a bit of fixing up, it could be very good.

Yuukoi is decent

Cons:

Vegeta wouldn't agree to go to snake way, especially coming from Goku. I think it would be better for someone else to have been "sent" so to speak. Maybe even goten and trunks?

Otherwould tournament should use different characters than were used in the last one.

I really don't like Frieza acting so good, or that anybody actually trusted him. It should be less forced.

Writing style is somewhat hard to understand.

Dialogue could use improvement.

Super Human Form

There's too much reliance on senzu beans.

Overall Rating: D

DRAGON BALL DA
Pros:

The Yajirobe scene was hilarious.

The story is unique (I'm not sure if I like it, but it's unique, nonetheless)

Remnants of Frieza Army was very well done, I wish you would have expanded, though.

King Cold's fight was well done.

Cell vs. 13

Fights are very descriptive, I like that.

Cons:

There needs to be a better introduction, or a description of the setting, it's too confusing as is.

Dialogue is inconsistent. Sometimes it's good (the above mentioned Yajirobe scene), sometimes it's bad (Bulma pleading with Vegeta to not destroy Capsule Corp).

Chaitzu taking the wish was very predictable. I would rather have Vegeta's wish be granted, and the repercussions be answered over time.

Gravity training goes too high, too fast. I understand Vegeta is Super Saiyan, but there comes a point, where strength or not, the body can't handle the gravity. And I think 500 is too high, for just super saiyan 1.

I wish some people would actually die. A lot of battles end with "X character was just barely alive"

Cell sagas were too similar to DBZ. If wanted something like that, I would rather watch the original

SS2 Trunks

I'll be honest, I wasn't fond of really any of the story, starting with Cell. But I really liked the story up to that point.

Overall rating: D

DRAGON BALL SA
pros

Decent spelling and formatting

Krillin gets killed again

The plots would be decent, had there not been so much confusion...

cons

no buildup, and very little detail

no descriptions of fights

Only Goku surviving Buu

sagas are too short

It's very hard to understand what's going on

the tien and chaiotzu story was kinda random, so I'm not sure of its purpose...

LawlEcos' name is weird, and I'm not sure it's good

LawlEcos's random entrance

The sagas seem to be in the wrong order, causing much confusion

making the dragon balls a constant crutch

100 trillion times gravity

Shu, everything about him

Goku LSS and the various rises in LSS

King Vegeta/Bardock fiasco

Overall Rating: C+

question: why are they called the SA fighters?

DRAGONBALL GH
pros

writing style and formatting is decent

Fights are descriptive

Characters are, for the most part, in character

Not too many fanon characters (yet). I like that.

cons

the formatting of dialogue and writing is very hard to understand. I suggest breaking it up into a new paragraph every time someon speaks, or at least make it a new line.

Pan beating Krillin; this would simply not happen

Trunks beats Goten in the tourney again; I would rather have something different happen than what happened in, you know, the actual show...

Super Saiyan transformations are taken too lightly here; ss2 for trunks and ss3 for Gohan. These forms just can't be handed out like candy, there needs to a really good reason for them to reach these levels, not just 'Oh I trained for a while.'

Why was Raditz a super saiyan? Why being a single ss1 was he more powerful than everyone else? Why was he not dead?

Vegeta would not train Gohan

What is chan, a namek? It's never said anywhere besides the title... If so, I think he could use some backstory in the future.

What is the point to everything happening? It seems there should be a purpose...

Overall Rating: D

DRAGON BALL IP
pros Goten and Trunk's dialogue play is brilliant

The amount of detail in thought here is really great; I especially like Piccolo's immediate reasoning to kill Dende.

Tao as a villain is creative, though I'm unsure as to why he's even alive.

Character's remain in their canon personality 99% of the time. This allows for (me at least) to picture it in my head. It also allows for a good amount of DB realism to be in this story.

Fights are not cliched, and remain interesting.

Yajirobe kills Frieza

writing and grammar is perhaps the best on this site

various bits of text are subtlely hilarious. This is great.

Yajirobe kills Tao. Surprising, yet gratifying.

cons

dialogue between Frieza and Krillin is off a bit during the pendulum room encounter.

The killing of trunks and goten is really far too grotesque, considering their age. This is not appropriate at all.

Krillin is too cheerful in his killing off of Dende. I think he would've refused to even if Piccolo threatened his life.

Goku's and Vegeta's dialogue in chapter 7 is out of character. Particularily Goku, who is speaking too eloquently for his normal personality.

Broly was not stronger than Goku or Vegeta after the Buu saga; Vegeta couldn't have been killed in chapter 7 from his attack.

Don't like the Yamcha demon thingy.

Mega human, all about it.

The reason for not using the namekian dragon balls is heavily forced and illogical. Because both Goku and Vegeta had used a spaceship earlier in the show to leave earth, so suddenly not being able to use such a device only hours later is not good. Not to mention, Dr. Brief would surely be able to make an illegal space ship to take them to namek later upon learning of the saiyans deaths.

Overall Rating: A-

DRAGON BALL: THE MROVIAN TRILOGY
pros

Very good, and very descriptive fight scenes. I also liked that you link to every attack that they use, when they use them.

Clever namings for the Nitro soldiers.

The plot itself is generally creative, though I draw parallels between it and my own.

I like the sense of scale with the battles, particularily the second one.

Nitro really reminds me of Malak from KOTOR. That's a good thing.

Overall, I'm really looking forward to how this ff shapes up.

cons

Cooler isn't considered canon.

I'm not quite sure how the Nitro soldier knew of Trunks' killing of Cold and Frieza.

Personal taste, but I don't like the saiyan names "Cuber" and "Chaiva". The other three are good, though.

The introduction of characters is confusing, and could use a little bit of better explaining; as is their deaths. Ocra and Artachoc are too underdeveloped because of this.

Dialogue is a bit bland/awkward.

Don't know why Nitro needed to escape from his ship; his power shouldv'e been enough to protect it... unless he didn't want to?

Overall Rating: A

DRAGON BALL: AW

pros

The setup is well organized; with the ME page, as well as having themes.

Like the way you include pics.

The concept of using Future Gohan is pretty original

cons

Begins too abruptly. I understand that you want to start it immediately in the fight, but there needs to be some kind of structure for the reader. Check out Dragon Ball Z: In Requiem to see how I tackle this issue.

Sometimes wording is hard to understand, but I realize that English is not your native language.

Don't understand why future Gohan slapped his present day self.

Not updated often.

Overall Rating: C-

DRAGON BALL Z: FUTURISTIC TALES
pros Love your little quasi-prose thing at the top, which is similar to the one that I put on every one of my TF stories (the idea, I got from the writer of Death Note who put one of those little stories in the front of each of his manga volumes)

I really like the story idea

It was slightly interesting to have Dabura kill Babidi this time, instead of the other way around

Some of the chapter titles are clever

cons It's really hard to understand what's going on

How did Future Cell get out of Hell?

Cell would need more than 2 seconds to power up a spirit bomb

Don't like the theme songs

Each chapter could use being a little bit longer

Overall Rating: B-

DRAGON BALL: ULTRA BLAST
pros

(yeah, right)

cons

Horrible spelling and grammar.

Incomprehensible story.

Fanon characters have no backstory.

Fanon characters supposedly saiyans, yet do not have Saiyan names.

In addition, they also can go to ss+ for no reason at all. This is just horrible.

I hate this story.

only Broly should be LSS.

Frieza was dead, so there's no way they could've fought him.

Power levels are not what canon states they should be.

Broly was dead too.

SS X.

No plot.

No concepts of time.

Broly is randomly a majin.

Dark versions of self...

Self righteous writing (ie: epic conclusion)

There's no way every episode is an hour long.

There is no structure; only 1 episode name is shown.

Apparently there's a movie too about all the jrs. Luckily the author seemed to have forgotten it.

Like I've said before, there's no concept of length. Judging by the sagas listed at the bottom of the page, some of the sagas are like 1 run-on sentence long.

There's no Krillin.

Overall Rating: E-

DRAGONBALL V
pros

It's about Kid Vegeta

cons

Written by supersaiyian11.

Premise of story.

Canon screw ups.

Using my picture (which DD reuploaded)

Terrible spelling.

Terrible grammar.

Terrible Plot expansion.

Descriptions of events seemed to be written by a drunk.

Vegeta would be 5 here, not a baby. I think he knows his own name.

Random old man (grandpa gohan) is a stupid inclusion.

Vegeta wouldn't spend all day crawling to his ship again...

The identity crisis.

If this "The saiyans are a proud warrior race. They go around the universe and destroy all living things a planet." is all you got out of watching dragon ball, then there is no hope.

Master Roshi's third person speech.

Fight with Roshi was anything but "epic".

If Vegeta could kill roshi in 2 seconds, it would not take 5 months to kill everyone else.

Why's Piccolo talking in third person now?

How the hell did a jar even get on the beach?

Even if it did, why would Vegeta find it?

And more importantly why did he open it?

And even after opening it, why did Vegeta immediately shoot a blast at the creature inside?

Shouldn't his curiosity... you know be consistent?

I'll tell you why. Because it's a horrible story. The worst ever. Thank god that it's so short because otherwise, I'd be ripping out my eyes by about now.

Overall Rating: E-

DRAGON BALL MULTIVERSE:THE ORIGIN OF NAMEKO!!!
pros

Great usage of templates.

cons

Apparently based on another story "Multiverse", of which there is no link to. That causes confusion for me.

Horrible, horrible spelling tendancies.

Terrible grammar, too.

The Guru kumbaya fusion thing.

Is nameko all of them combined? You never do say (in english at least)

Lame fights.

No backstory.

No buildup.

Nameko on earth? Why? (and how!)

Cell is OOC.

Put. Spaces. Between. Sentences.

... Cell can survive in space.

Cell clone... wtf.

... Cell is stronger than Frieza.

Super Saiyan Nameko... I didn't think it was possible to introduce yet another predictably cliche super saiyan. 'Specially with, you know, him being a Namekian.

You're using other people's pics again. Stop that.

... is this in Future Trunks' timeline? Otherwise the Z fighters shouldn't be dead. And even if it was, Nameko should've been fighting 17 and 18 instead of cell. So I really detest the canon conflictions.

Buu saga thing is too close to the manga/anime. Which I'd rather watch, btw.

Gohan being killed by Dabura was mega lame, man.

Oh, wonderful. Goku's the only one that matters (again).

What happened to Nameko during the buu saga thing? You seem to have forgotten your main character.

Oh, Nameko was there the whole time, but you never said so. That's terrible. Absolutely horrid.

Janemba. Laaaaaaaaaaaaame.

Terrible, terrible fights. Have I mentioned that before?

Buu is OOC.

Hell, they're all OOC.

Majin Fusion. 'nuff said.

Cliched and ripped off janembuu fight.

Overall Rating: E

BARDOCK:SURVIVOR
pros

It's about Bardock; the most properly rated character in all of DB.

I think my cons list is longer than the actual story.

cons

The Spelling.

The Grammar.

The inability to convey anything of substance.

Bardock did die... or haven't you seen his special? Anyways even if you make an alternate timeline where he did survive, I'd appreciate an explanation.

Saiyans can breathe in space. Therefore, he would not pass out just if he was in space. If you mean that Saiyans can't breathe in space, then he would've died, not slipped into a coma.

So he drifted for twelve years... but to where? And how did he get there?

Bardock didn't know Goku was on earth.

Bardock's dialogue is OOC. He didn't care about Kakarot, and even when he died (and he fondness for his son grew a bit) he wasn't a pussy crybaby.

"IMA! I WISH I COULD EXPRESS MY LOVE TO YOU! FREEZA IS WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

- Some horrible OOC

... yeah. That pretty much sums up the fic.

Overall Rating: D-

REDACTED
pros

The premise of this story is quite refreshing. Compared to all the other 'after GT, poorly written ssX+', I am very happy that this is so original.

The oh so glorious themes.

Proper censoring.

Good range of stories.

The Frieza and Cooler "flashback" is probably the single greatest piece of literature on this site. Everything about it is just so awesome.

The good amount of variations in stories was going to be even greater, if the story wasn't deleted.

The potential of BulmaXOld Kai. Oh yes.

cons

Sonikfan112 deleted it.

Overall Rating: S

DRAGON BALL: PGT
pros

Fights are nicely articulated.

Story is original.

The use of footnotes I like.

cons

The beginning timeline of this is very cliched.

The dialogue is shoddy and very OOC.

The existance of Broly Jr. is very weird to me; I don't see Broly as someone who would have "relations", if that makes sense. IMO it's OOC that he even exists.

Formatting of paragraphs is off. For instance, you need to create a new paragraph whene'er someone new speaks.

Broly Jr.'s character is very bland and fanboyish.

Broly Jr. as an unexplained Super Saiyan. I realize he is the son of the "Legendary Super Saiyan", but I personally do not view Broly as the LSS.

The constant shift between past and present tense. Pick one and stay with it.

Broly Jr. being a clone, and the manner by with he was "created". Illogical, impractical, and of course, unoriginal.

I don't like the manner in which backstory is presented. It is actually more confusing than not explaining it at all.

Again, Broly Jr. having the "LSS" transformation. I don't agree with this. At. All.

Episodes are very short, and could not fit into a 30 minute block.

Very little buildup and character development. Broly Jr. is turning into a horrible Gary Stu, too.

I don't see why Broly Jr. would be looking for other Saiyans. Seems like a forced plot point.

The entire concept of the girl Broly thing is bad.

Even though you created Brolia, she's OOC. I can just tell.

The culture of the brolina planet is too close to that of earth.

"Original" Broly dream. Everything 'bout it.

Overall, I find this story while unique, quite boring and hard to follow.

Overall Rating: D-

DRAGON BALL GT PART 2
pros

No, you don't deserve any.

cons

Lame saga names

Incredibly poor grammar.

No formatting abilities.

Story is absolutely horrid.

Big "what the fuck" moment at shenron trying to get Goku to drink his blood.

Even bigger wtf moment when Goku became part dragon. I'm assuming this author has no idea how stuff works...

This story is obviously non-canon to the DB universe, but I'm thinking it's also non-canon to the real universe.

Lame, really lame dialogue.

By the way: Dragons. Don't. Age.

Now onto the second chapter... it has nothing to do with anything. It serves absolutely no purpose.

Terrible spelling.

Lame that tien has a kid. 'specially its name.

Drago the invincible is a horribly boring name.

Stupid plot, especially the possession of Vegeta.

Tien's sister is really far too powerful. You have to remember that he wasn't all that powerful until DBZ, in which he prolly peaked at a few million PL. 100 kamekaze ghosts could easily kill someone of that power.

Oh but then a souped up destructo disk kills her. Very inconsistent.

Everything about this story is wrong.

Gohan SS3. He stopped training after Z. If anything he became weaker in that time.

Great tournament. Specially all the detail of the fights.

BS power levels.

There are no "Dragon lords". Instead, there are Kais. Check up on that, bro.

Goku breathing fire... need I explain to you why this is crap?

You make villains far too strong.

Lame names of new attacks. Specially that Super deadly tri beam of death thingy. Come on, really?

Super. Saiyan. Five.

Gotenks can't just "become" a great ape. You need blutz waves, man. Lame.

Pan/Krillin fusion is terrible.

The new dragon balls are too convenient.

Villains unite saga has been done thousands of times before. Needless to say, it's a terrible idea every time.

How do the Z fighters know Goku is on that nogard?

And why the random wish for Broly to fight him?

Okay, let's get something straight. Broly was, at max power, about as strong as a super saiyan 2, maybe a little stronger. There was really no way for him to have gained any power in other world, especially that of ss4 (which again, requires a MOON). Broly would be no match for Goku then, and there's no way he would've killed "25 dragons".

Oh great, another spirit bomb. Why bother training and maxing Goku's power, when all your gonna use is the lifeforce of... everyone else? Really lame recoloring.

Drago eating Broly. My god... there's nothing even slightly okay in this story.

Super Tien 2, or whatever it is. So stupid.

Piccolo is OOC.

But really, they all are, so that's nothing specical.

Pan super saiyan 2.

Calbura? Because everyone knows how to fusion dance, right? That's really nice.

Lame-o Calbura speech, ripped off from Goku's and Vegeta's fusion.

Pahan fusion. Stop with the fusions, already. They're about as cheap as things get. It's basically a "oh no one can defeat anyone so let's all combine powers." Because that's what I'm looking for in a story, yeah right.

Buu is OOC. Goddamn is it that hard to follow how people talk in the real show? I mean seriously, no one seems to be able to do it.

Tien and Uub now fuse. Simply pathetic.

Lame-o redo of the kid buu spirit bomb struggle, only with Tiub.

Stupid fusion name, too.

Every single saga ends with "and then they wish everyone back to life." Terrible, terrible. This also removes any sort of meaning that deaths have, when you know they'll just be wished back at the end of the saga.

Stupid new character, chili. God-awful name, too.

Chili wouldn't have known how to summon the dragon.

Why is drago now the dragon of namek? Very stupid, imo.

That dragon splitting into 7 dragons. So... ****ing stupid.

Hell, this whole story is a piece of crap. I can't believe I actually read it. Final rating below.

Overall Rating: E-

DRAGON BALL: THE REMEMBERED COLDIANS
pros n/a

cons

The spelling.

The grammar.

The names of each character and race (Ice, Snow, Winter, etc...) is lame.

Abruptness of story.

They wouldn't know about the Changeling 5th form. And also wouldn't call it "Cooler's 5th form", as this is not a form only possible for Cooler. Also, timelinewise, I don't think Cooler would have had his fifth form yet.

They also wouldn't be able to transform to it.

The shooting lava thingy.

Chapter length isn't enough to fill a 30 minute bloc.

Sparing that snow kid wouldn't have happened.

Dialogue is among the worst I have ever seen.

The training of 100 pushups/situps is barely anything. Your power would not go up more than a few points a day by that method. And yes, even at 30x.

No buildup in story.

The chapter titles are boring.

Why didn't the other kid help the main one when he fought Hot the first time?

The Changelings wouldn't know Destructo Disks.

Hot turning into lava... wtf.

"You see we warmians are not only living fire but also living lava. For lava is like liquid fire. Both are red and can easily kill people. They can also both be caused or happen at random times."

- wtf dialogue

Seriously, what is that?

Forgetting how to dodge attacks... seriously, and they're supposed to by 5th form changelings.

The ultimate plan, quasi spirit bomb thingy. Bah.

Killing all the other changelings by using the spirit bomb.

The snow guy getting all sad, and then forgetting about it all when his (brother?) tells him they were cowards.

The entirety of the (so far) posted namekian saga is extremely NCF. First off, Frieza's ship was destroyed. Secondly, all his minions wre killed. Thirdly, they wouldn't have known about a "super saiyan". Fourthly, how would Snow and Winter even know about Frieza? And why would they even care? Aren't the stronger than him? Isn't he just a weakling?

Also, the relocating of the nameks was unknown to Frieza, so there's no way they'd have known.

Should also note here, that the name of the story is completely unrelated to anything.

Overall Rating: E-

(KV note: The rating for this story is also the "oppisite" of The Forgotten)

SPECIAL (LEGACIES EPISODE)
pros

The writing style is quite good, though sometimes it does get kind of awkward.

Being about Tien’s origins is pretty unique and interesting.

Kortar is an interesting character choice.

Tien’s mother/father bit was pretty good. Kinda reminded me of a story in the latter part of the series Monster where an older couple wins the lottery and doesn’t know what to do.

cons

It’s far too short. I’d say only about 1/3 or ½ as long as it should be. This also leads to Kortar kinda being a useless character to introduce unless you’re gonna write Tien: Origins again (with him still in it).

Overall Rating: A

DRAGON BALL SV
pros

One of these writers is now banned forever; and the others aren't active anymore.

cons

Don't like the names of each saga.

The blue star dragon balls have no backstory. I have no idea what they are at all, why they are there, and why everyone (in the story) seems to not find this strange at all. Also, how are they different from normal dragon balls?

Shenron is OOC! Wonderful!

K, the xbox wish is completely idiotic.

Horrible formatting.

In addition the the other problems, everything is too abrupt. Goten and Trunks are playing xbox and literally in the next sentence a tourney begins. For no reason. Needs moar splainin'. Seriosly.

"The first match was Pan with the Blue Dragon Ball vs. Yamcha"... What does this even mean? She's just carrying the balls with her? Even so, why would this be noteworthy? Don't they turn to stone after the wish?

As much garbage as Yamcha is, he would never kill Pan, nor mistakenly kill her. I'm sure he would be careful around her.

How can Pan be revived with the blue star balls immediately after she dies? Didn't they just wish for an xbox?

Everything going on is completely incomprehensible.

Goku is OOC as well as nonsensical.

Okay, so the first chapter ends mid-tourney. The next chapter begins. There is no continuation of this tourney, nor even mention of it. Why the heck would you even write a tourney in the beginning if you're not even going to give it any meaning?

Now, seeing all this, there really isn't any kind of story either.

Very poor grammar.

Every other sentence starting with suddenly.

This all seems to be written by a drunkard. Honestly.

Every chapter is way too short. A single paragraph. No way this could fill a 30 minute bloc.

The introduction of the new namekian Luqwer is incredibly bad. But it's not an exception to this story.

Okay, so now Vegeta knows all about the blue star dragon balls... why and how? Without any explanation, this is terribly written.

The concept that the blue star balls can grant infinite wishes with no "cooldown" time is pathetic. So. Horrible. I mean why even have a story when you can just wish for everything you want to happen? I can't see anything bad happening ever again therefore, and that bores me greatly.

The last sentence of chapter 2 implies that the tourney is still going on; however this is very hard to follow. Its all like "suddenly this happened" and I have no idea why.

K, so if this is the same tourney (on earth) then neither Tora nor Appule would be alive, nor there. Nor would Bardock nor any of the other dead Saiyans. Seriously, if you watch Dragon Ball it's pretty easy to see who is alive and who is dead.

Tora's power level was not 10,000-25,000. It was like 5,000 tops. Remeber, Bardock was the 3rd strongest saiyan behind King and Prince Vegeta and his power level was only 10,000ish. Tora was much weaker than that.

That said, Appule was not stronger than tora. His power level was maybe 300. And thats a big maybe.

Bardock becoming a super saiyan is completely ridiculous. He was much more angry in his special and didn't turn super saiyan there. Theres no reason why he would here.

And oh great the blue star dragon balls are an infinite crutch as I thought. Who cares when someone dies? You'll just wish them back infinitely and immediately anyways.

I am sure that most scouters can not read up to 2 million power level. Specially those owned by low class soldiers like Appule.

Now that Bardock is a Super Saiyan one punch would easily kill an enemy weaker than (even) Raditz.

Bardock isn't a "puse" and he wouldn't go and hug Tora.

How is the final match krillin vs goten? Neither has been shown fighting thusfar. And other members such as Goku, Vegeta, Bardock haven't been shown to be defeated. This is dreadful.

Goten. Isn't. A. Super. Saiyan. 2.

How does the announcer have a blue star dragon ball? You last said that Bulma had them all.

Seriously wtf to this all.

And who are Dark Buu and Red Buu. Aside from having no backstory and horribly cliched names... Buu is dead. I know, big shocker there but he is.

So saiyan that, this makes the story incredibly non-canon and totally incomprehensible.

The Z fighters don't need an airplane to travel to Kami's lookout. You know they can just... fly, right?

You did not give any backinfo on this new planet Vegeta. It can't just exist without backstory.

Say who Maya's and Telia's parents are. It's not something that can just be assumed.

Blue shenron? Who the hell is that?

Bohan is a garbage name.

He also has no backstory.

Who is Disdana? You never said who she was born to.

Elder Kai wouldn't be with the Z fighters.

Blue Trophy? Explain these things man.

Pitiful attempts at humor (dark buu apparently stole Bulma's cookies)

Okay, one of the buu's kills Bulma and Trunks powers up. And then what? They all run and hide in the house? First off, neither Vegeta, Goku, nor trunks would do that. So that's some more OOC. Secondly, Buu could just destroy the house anyways. And also, Launch should not be with them.

M'kay so now after they all hid like cowards in the house, Trunks decides to come out, and no one tries to stop or help him? Like hell that would happen. At the very least Goten would go as well. Goku and Vegeta would prolly also go as well.

Vegeta would not "decide" to fuse with anyone, least of which Gohan.

Lame-ass naming for his fusion, too.

I don't care that Launch was carrying lots of water.

Why the heck did the buus turn into immortal statues? What purpose did that serve?

What will Vegithan do?

No descriptions of fights.

Why would the buus allow vegeta and gohan to o back into the house? And why would they?

More importantly... why is Goku not fighting at all but just wandering in the house?

owait there he is. Yep, Goku just kills them. No explanation. No fight. No powering up or anything. Just Gary Stus... Gary Stus everywhere.

Also should mention that there is no way that goku is stronger than the vegeta/gohan fusion.

Suddenly Goku sees Pan. Lawdy, that's important.

The random details that are so stupid. Like I dont care that Launch ate some food; or that Chi Chi was even making food. I want to see fights and character development. Not stupid trivialities.

Tien training with Goku could've have been good, had tien not seen Chaoitzu and Launch chatting in the bathroom. Because then, you know, suddenly Tien and Launch were in the bedroom.

Goddamn it all.

Bringing Raditz back, the way you did it was horrible. So ****ing cliched and forced.

Who is Teko? Give some backstory for once would ya? Besides, Raditz power level of 1200 wouldn't beat anyone, 'cept Appule. Goku could do it himself anyways.

How did Chi Chi know that Raditz had to eat?

Should also mention that Goten doesn't study; even if Gohan did.

Why does everyone go to the bathroom to talk with launch. Seriously what is wrong with you?

After the buus were defeated by a one-sentence Goku, why is everyone staying at the lookout? It's like they get there and immediately start acting like they've lived there forever.

Raditz isn't a super saiyan. You saying so doesn't make it true.

Launch makes a decoration. If I had a fridge...

Random fights like the one with Teko have no meaning. What is their purpose and how do they continue the story? Answer: they have no purpose. It's just a collection of ****ty, random thoughts.

How did Hatchiyack get to new planet vegeta?

Bardock Super Saiyan 2, with no explanation.

K, if they've got a new planet vegeta why are Bardock and Co. going back to heaven?

What's up with all these random births? Lala is so unneeded.

By this time, they all know about the blue star dragon balls; as several of them have even asked for wishes.

Saying the blue balls (lol) can only grant 1-8 wishes is contradictory to the entire story up to this point.

And they go away.

Bohan tricks Gohan? Why? Where? (and how?)

How does Pan meet her granddaughter. I thought she was only like 10 at this time. Unless I (understandbly) missed some rapid aging.

Stupid random dialogues. Vegeta's, "There's Kakarot" has nothing to do with anything. I'd rather you not say anything at all then just spew out pointless drivel.

K, who's Teke? Is it really that hard to give these guys some backstory... or at the very least an introduction?

Pro tip: Shenron grants wishes, he doesn't "need" them.

Random power up of master roshi is just plain stupid.

Neither Goku nor Vegeta have the potara earings to just "spot o' the moment" fuse into Vegito. Nor would they want to.

No way Vegito would train with Roshi. That wouldn't work for either of them.

Vegito can't just defuse. Check up on what the potara earings are.

Oh great another tournament. Can you seriously write for anything else?

Bardock and such come back again; I think this'll prolly just start the whole story over again.

Pikkon doesn't know the kamehameha. Nor would he use it if he did.

Pikkon is way more powerful than Raditz. No way he'd lose to a being with a 1200pl.

Stupid Bardock-cheering-on-dialogue-thingy. Pretty sure Tora knows that he should look at his opponent.

K who is Isada? And why isnt it Piccolo vs Raditz (since piccolo never lost in that tourney). Why didn't Vegeta/Goku/other Z Fighters take place in the tourney? All are cons.

Raditz winning the entire tourney is so lame. Fanboyism to the extreme, I think.

Another Buu is just so fucking stupid. Sorry, but that is absolutely pathetic. We already had the red buu and the other one. Why can't you make up some original villains for ****'s sake?

Sukicrazy Buu is a garbage name, quite honestly.

Why did Raditz randomly attack Piccolo?

The whole family kamehameha bullshit was ridiculously recolored and cliched. I really have no idea what the hell you watched as a reference to this story but it wasn't DBZ. A SS1 can't beat Buu, nor would everyone just be around watching.

Sukicrazy Buu's personality is non-existant as is much of his fight. To be honest, the enemy could be anyone cuz you dont explain anything at all. Cept for random stuff like...

Pan Jr. was playing with the bags.

Trunks was hugging Bulma.

Goku and Vegeta leaving is too similar to what happens in the actual show. Which I'd much rather be watching right now, btw.

Why the hell did the half-assed party leave earth? It should be either none or all of them.

Absolute garbage too, that you don't explain why the random members leave. Nor do you explain why Bardock or his guys are still alive. They should go back to heaven like last time.

This is the worst fic I have ever read, ever. This includes those dreadful translated Halo ones on ff.net. I am seriously glad that none of you are active users anymore because our wiki already has enough crap as it is.

Overall Rating: E--

Closing Thoughts:


 * nearly everybody places their stories X years after GT. I'm not a fan of that.


 * lots of Tournaments. Again, feels unoriginal to me.


 * SS5 and beyond do not make a story better. More often then not, they make it worse.


 * Lots of stories have Goku vs. Vegeta. I have yet to see a draw, or Vegeta win one of these.


 * Overall, though, the battles are pretty good.


 * I would really like to see some character development. Even in existing characters. I don't really "feel" anything for anybody in these stories.
 * My favorite story thusfar is REDACTED. My least favorite is Dragon Ball SV.

I will continue to review any other stories requested of me, just leave a comment below. Thanks!