User blog:KidVegeta/KidVegeta's reviews/ReviewsArchive1

"There is much talk, and I have listened, through rock and metal and time. Now I shall talk, and you shall listen."

These reviews are just my opinions. I do not claim to be better or worse than anyone else here. But that's not to say I won't be critical. That I won't be unforgiving. That I won't go out of my way to list 100 cons for your story in a heartbeat. I will, and gladly. Remember gents; I didn't give you an E-. You gave yourself an E- when you decided to sit down and post your atrocity for all of us to see. I'm simply here to call you out on it. So grab ahold of your mommies gents, this is gonna be one long ride.

RATINGS:

S (highest)

A

B

C

D

E (lowest)

Comedy Story Ratings:

O + (highest)

O

R +

R

R - (lowest)

Explanation of ratings:

Ratings B+ or lower are all bad. Sure there are degrees or terribleness, but they're still all terrible. Good, decent stories will be given an A-, A, or A+. Amazing stories will be given an S- or S. Perchance that there is ever a fan fic that I review that is, quite simply the cat's pajamas that will get an S+.

Comedies are reviewed in the same manner as other stories, but will have a different rating system. This is because I feel that it's not fair to compare them to normal stories, given their intent. O+ is not inherently equivalent to S+; if my favorite story is a comedy, it will receive an S+ instead. There is no O- rating; that is on purpose.

For now, I'm going to start with the featured fan fictions, as well as I few others I have read. But, I will review any and all stories that are requested. I'll list pros and cons right now, because otherwise it would be too long.

DRAGON BALL ST:
Pros:

Serroli

Length of Sagas are just right

True Super Saiyan Saga (the idea of Vegeta exploring Frieza's orgins was, quite simply, brilliant; however I would have liked for that to have been expanded upon)

Characters, are for the most part, consistent with their canon personalities

Overall, the villains are well thought out

Fights are well thought out, and entertaining

Style of writing is above average

Cons:

Lots of inconsistencies

SS5 & SS6 (I would have like these better if they were given better explainations in the story)

Return of Buu

Lack of buildup in story (ie... Uub's death)

Goku beating Vegeta (too predictable)

True Super Saiyan turning out to be Goku and Vegeta (split)

Goku using the spirit bomb... again

Overall rating: D-

THE ENERGY RIDER
Pros:

It has an unusual name

Cons:

Incredibly boring, I didn't even finish it

Overall rating: E-

GOHAN SON AND THE PRISONER OF AZKABAN
Pros:

Writing is solid

It's short

Cons:

Characters are inconsistent to their canon personalities

The premise is horrible

The actual story isn't any better

Overall rating: E-

DRAGON BALL ZZ
Pros:

There's nothing beyond SS3

Z fighters' dialogue seems right

Cons:

Unoriginal Story

Poorly thought out villains

Incredibly repetitive

What happened to androids 21 and 22?

Overall rating: E-

DRAGON BALL UNLEASHED
Pros:

Really reminds of original dragon ball

Cons:

Never explained why 17 was evil (who had turned good)

The concept of the golden star dragon ball

The story isn't really that developed (only three episodes... so why is it a featured fan fiction?)

Meh writing.

Overall rating: E-

DRAGON BALL NS
Pros:

The idea of Ascended SS3 (something I myself have considered before, and may use)

Tsufu is a decent enemy

Cons:

Xorcai's Saga shouldn't have a nine year gap within it

Continued god-like powers of Goku; it makes the others look like their unneeded, because ultimately, they were (although I admit DBZ had this problem too)

Tournament Saga is too similar to the one in DBZ

Explanation of Xorcai's survival was outragous

The ungranted wish idea felt lacking

Terrible writing and grammar.

Overall rating: E-

DRAGON BALL GT: KING PROTON
Pros:

The artwork isn't all that bad

Cons:

There's no story here... I don't know why it's featured

Overall rating: E-

DRAGON BALL XT
Pros:

Android Z was decent

Tournament idea wasn't as bad as I thought it would be

Bardock ('nuff said)

Cons:

I don't like that the already defeated villains were used again

SS5

Character Daniel isn't developed enough

Vegeta is out of character

Overall rating: E-

DRAGON BALL VN
Pros:

I never thought I would say this, but Bardock is one of the few who I could see acheiving SS3. I actually like how it turned out.

Solid Story

Solid writing

Cons:

Vegeta getting defeated by Bardock. I'm really getting tired of everyone making Vegeta weaker than he really is.

I don't like that you said Vegeta met Bardock as a child.

Overall rating: E+

DRAGON BALL VT
Pros:

Goku didn't go Super Saiyan 5 first.

First Saga with Frieza has potential to become something good.

I like the amount of buildup. Lots of good backstory.

Goku didn't beat Vegeta in their fight, but it was still close.

While sometimes inconsistent, this story reminds a lot of "dragon ball z". Dare I say I would like to see this get made (With the errors below fixed)?

The actual story is very long, with a bit of fixing up, it could be very good.

Yuukoi is decent

Cons:

Vegeta wouldn't agree to go to snake way, especially coming from Goku. I think it would be better for someone else to have been "sent" so to speak. Maybe even goten and trunks?

Otherwould tournament should use different characters than were used in the last one.

I really don't like Frieza acting so good, or that anybody actually trusted him. It should be less forced.

Writing style is somewhat hard to understand.

Dialogue could use improvement.

Super Human Form

There's too much reliance on senzu beans.

Overall Rating: E-

DRAGON BALL DA
Pros:

The Yajirobe scene was hilarious.

The story is unique (I'm not sure if I like it, but it's unique, nonetheless)

Remnants of Frieza Army was very well done, I wish you would have expanded, though.

King Cold's fight was well done.

Cell vs. 13

Fights are very descriptive, I like that.

Cons:

There needs to be a better introduction, or a description of the setting, it's too confusing as is.

Dialogue is inconsistent. Sometimes it's good (the above mentioned Yajirobe scene), sometimes it's bad (Bulma pleading with Vegeta to not destroy Capsule Corp).

Chaitzu taking the wish was very predictable. I would rather have Vegeta's wish be granted, and the repercussions be answered over time.

Gravity training goes too high, too fast. I understand Vegeta is Super Saiyan, but there comes a point, where strength or not, the body can't handle the gravity. And I think 500 is too high, for just super saiyan 1.

I wish some people would actually die. A lot of battles end with "X character was just barely alive"

Cell sagas were too similar to DBZ. If wanted something like that, I would rather watch the original

SS2 Trunks

I'll be honest, I wasn't fond of really any of the story, starting with Cell. But I really liked the story up to that point.

Overall rating: E-

DRAGON BALL SA
pros

Decent spelling and formatting

Krillin gets killed again

The plots would be decent, had there not been so much confusion...

cons

no buildup, and very little detail

no descriptions of fights

Only Goku surviving Buu

sagas are too short

It's very hard to understand what's going on

the tien and chaiotzu story was kinda random, so I'm not sure of its purpose...

LawlEcos' name is weird, and I'm not sure it's good

LawlEcos's random entrance

The sagas seem to be in the wrong order, causing much confusion

making the dragon balls a constant crutch

100 trillion times gravity

Shu, everything about him

Goku LSS and the various rises in LSS

King Vegeta/Bardock fiasco

Overall Rating: E-

question: why are they called the SA fighters?

DRAGONBALL GH
pros

writing style and formatting is decent

Fights are descriptive

Characters are, for the most part, in character

Not too many fanon characters (yet). I like that.

cons

the formatting of dialogue and writing is very hard to understand. I suggest breaking it up into a new paragraph every time someon speaks, or at least make it a new line.

Pan beating Krillin; this would simply not happen

Trunks beats Goten in the tourney again; I would rather have something different happen than what happened in, you know, the actual show...

Super Saiyan transformations are taken too lightly here; ss2 for trunks and ss3 for Gohan. These forms just can't be handed out like candy, there needs to a really good reason for them to reach these levels, not just 'Oh I trained for a while.'

Why was Raditz a super saiyan? Why being a single ss1 was he more powerful than everyone else? Why was he not dead?

Vegeta would not train Gohan

What is chan, a namek? It's never said anywhere besides the title... If so, I think he could use some backstory in the future.

What is the point to everything happening? It seems there should be a purpose...

Overall Rating: E-

DRAGON BALL IP
pros Goten and Trunk's dialogue play is brilliant

The amount of detail in thought here is really great; I especially like Piccolo's immediate reasoning to kill Dende.

Tao as a villain is creative, though I'm unsure as to why he's even alive.

Character's remain in their canon personality 99% of the time. This allows for (me at least) to picture it in my head. It also allows for a good amount of DB realism to be in this story.

Fights are not cliched, and remain interesting.

Yajirobe kills Frieza

writing and grammar is perhaps the best on this site

various bits of text are subtlely hilarious. This is great.

Yajirobe kills Tao. Surprising, yet gratifying.

cons

dialogue between Frieza and Krillin is off a bit during the pendulum room encounter.

The killing of trunks and goten is really far too grotesque, considering their age. This is not appropriate at all.

Krillin is too cheerful in his killing off of Dende. I think he would've refused to even if Piccolo threatened his life.

Goku's and Vegeta's dialogue in chapter 7 is out of character. Particularily Goku, who is speaking too eloquently for his normal personality.

Broly was not stronger than Goku or Vegeta after the Buu saga; Vegeta couldn't have been killed in chapter 7 from his attack.

Don't like the Yamcha demon thingy.

Mega human, all about it.

The reason for not using the namekian dragon balls is heavily forced and illogical. Because both Goku and Vegeta had used a spaceship earlier in the show to leave earth, so suddenly not being able to use such a device only hours later is not good. Not to mention, Dr. Brief would surely be able to make an illegal space ship to take them to namek later upon learning of the saiyans deaths.

Overall Rating: A-

DRAGON BALL: THE MROVIAN TRILOGY
pros

Very good, and very descriptive fight scenes. I also liked that you link to every attack that they use, when they use them.

Clever namings for the Nitro soldiers.

The plot itself is generally creative, though I draw parallels between it and my own.

I like the sense of scale with the battles, particularily the second one.

Nitro really reminds me of Malak from KOTOR. That's a good thing.

Overall, I'm really looking forward to how this ff shapes up.

cons

Cooler isn't considered canon.

I'm not quite sure how the Nitro soldier knew of Trunks' killing of Cold and Frieza.

Personal taste, but I don't like the saiyan names "Cuber" and "Chaiva". The other three are good, though.

The introduction of characters is confusing, and could use a little bit of better explaining; as is their deaths. Ocra and Artachoc are too underdeveloped because of this.

Dialogue is a bit bland/awkward.

Don't know why Nitro needed to escape from his ship; his power shouldv'e been enough to protect it... unless he didn't want to?

Overall Rating: A

DRAGON BALL: AW
pros

The setup is well organized; with the ME page, as well as having themes.

Like the way you include pics.

The concept of using Future Gohan is pretty original

cons

Begins too abruptly. I understand that you want to start it immediately in the fight, but there needs to be some kind of structure for the reader. Check out Dragon Ball Z: In Requiem to see how I tackle this issue.

Sometimes wording is hard to understand, but I realize that English is not your native language.

Don't understand why future Gohan slapped his present day self.

Not updated often.

Overall Rating: E-

DRAGON BALL Z: FUTURISTIC TALES
pros

Love your little quasi-prose thing at the top, which is similar to the one that I put on every one of my TF stories (the idea, I got from the writer of Death Note who put one of those little stories in the front of each of his manga volumes)

It was slightly interesting to have Dabura kill Babidi this time, instead of the other way around

cons

It's really hard to understand what's going on

How did Future Cell get out of Hell?

Cell would need more than 2 seconds to power up a spirit bomb

Don't like the theme songs

Each chapter could use being a little bit longer

Overall Rating: E-

DRAGON BALL: ULTRA BLAST
pros

(yeah, right)

cons

Horrible spelling and grammar.

Incomprehensible story.

Fanon characters have no backstory.

Fanon characters supposedly saiyans, yet do not have Saiyan names.

In addition, they also can go to ss+ for no reason at all. This is just horrible.

I hate this story.

only Broly should be LSS.

Frieza was dead, so there's no way they could've fought him.

Power levels are not what canon states they should be.

Broly was dead too.

SS X.

No plot.

No concepts of time.

Broly is randomly a majin.

Dark versions of self...

Self righteous writing (ie: epic conclusion)

There's no way every episode is an hour long.

There is no structure; only 1 episode name is shown.

Apparently there's a movie too about all the jrs. Luckily the author seemed to have forgotten it.

Like I've said before, there's no concept of length. Judging by the sagas listed at the bottom of the page, some of the sagas are like 1 run-on sentence long.

There's no Krillin.

Overall Rating: E-

DRAGONBALL V
pros

It's about Kid Vegeta

cons

Written by supersaiyian11.

Premise of story.

Canon screw ups.

Using my picture (which DD reuploaded)

Terrible spelling.

Terrible grammar.

Terrible Plot expansion.

Descriptions of events seemed to be written by a drunk.

Vegeta would be 5 here, not a baby. I think he knows his own name.

Random old man (grandpa gohan) is a stupid inclusion.

Vegeta wouldn't spend all day crawling to his ship again...

The identity crisis.

If this "The saiyans are a proud warrior race. They go around the universe and destroy all living things a planet." is all you got out of watching dragon ball, then there is no hope.

Master Roshi's third person speech.

Fight with Roshi was anything but "epic".

If Vegeta could kill roshi in 2 seconds, it would not take 5 months to kill everyone else.

Why's Piccolo talking in third person now?

How the hell did a jar even get on the beach?

Even if it did, why would Vegeta find it?

And more importantly why did he open it?

And even after opening it, why did Vegeta immediately shoot a blast at the creature inside?

Shouldn't his curiosity... you know be consistent?

I'll tell you why. Because it's a horrible story. The worst ever. Thank god that it's so short because otherwise, I'd be ripping out my eyes by about now.

Overall Rating: E-

DRAGON BALL MULTIVERSE:THE ORIGIN OF NAMEKO!!!
pros

Great usage of templates.

cons

Apparently based on another story "Multiverse", of which there is no link to. That causes confusion for me.

Horrible, horrible spelling tendancies.

Terrible grammar, too.

The Guru kumbaya fusion thing.

Is nameko all of them combined? You never do say (in english at least)

Lame fights.

No backstory.

No buildup.

Nameko on earth? Why? (and how!)

Cell is OOC.

Put. Spaces. Between. Sentences.

... Cell can survive in space.

Cell clone... wtf.

... Cell is stronger than Frieza.

Super Saiyan Nameko... I didn't think it was possible to introduce yet another predictably cliche super saiyan. 'Specially with, you know, him being a Namekian.

You're using other people's pics again. Stop that.

... is this in Future Trunks' timeline? Otherwise the Z fighters shouldn't be dead. And even if it was, Nameko should've been fighting 17 and 18 instead of cell. So I really detest the canon conflictions.

Buu saga thing is too close to the manga/anime. Which I'd rather watch, btw.

Gohan being killed by Dabura was mega lame, man.

Oh, wonderful. Goku's the only one that matters (again).

What happened to Nameko during the buu saga thing? You seem to have forgotten your main character.

Oh, Nameko was there the whole time, but you never said so. That's terrible. Absolutely horrid.

Janemba. Laaaaaaaaaaaaame.

Terrible, terrible fights. Have I mentioned that before?

Buu is OOC.

Hell, they're all OOC.

Majin Fusion. 'nuff said.

Cliched and ripped off janembuu fight.

Overall Rating: E-

BARDOCK:SURVIVOR
pros

It's about Bardock; the most properly rated character in all of DB.

I think my cons list is longer than the actual story.

cons

The Spelling.

The Grammar.

The inability to convey anything of substance.

Bardock did die... or haven't you seen his special? Anyways even if you make an alternate timeline where he did survive, I'd appreciate an explanation.

Saiyans can breathe in space. Therefore, he would not pass out just if he was in space. If you mean that Saiyans can't breathe in space, then he would've died, not slipped into a coma.

So he drifted for twelve years... but to where? And how did he get there?

Bardock didn't know Goku was on earth.

Bardock's dialogue is OOC. He didn't care about Kakarot, and even when he died (and he fondness for his son grew a bit) he wasn't a pussy crybaby.

"IMA! I WISH I COULD EXPRESS MY LOVE TO YOU! FREEZA IS WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

- Some horrible OOC

... yeah. That pretty much sums up the fic.

Overall Rating: E-

REDACTED
pros

The premise of this story is quite refreshing. Compared to all the other 'after GT, poorly written ssX+', I am very happy that this is so original.

The oh so glorious themes.

Proper censoring.

Good range of stories.

The Frieza and Cooler "flashback" is probably the single greatest piece of literature on this site. Everything about it is just so awesome.

The good amount of variations in stories was going to be even greater, if the story wasn't deleted.

The potential of BulmaXOld Kai. Oh yes.

cons

Sonikfan112 deleted it.

Overall Rating: none

DRAGON BALL: PGT
pros

Fights are nicely articulated.

Story is original.

The use of footnotes I like.

cons

The beginning timeline of this is very cliched.

The dialogue is shoddy and very OOC.

The existance of Broly Jr. is very weird to me; I don't see Broly as someone who would have "relations", if that makes sense. IMO it's OOC that he even exists.

Formatting of paragraphs is off. For instance, you need to create a new paragraph whene'er someone new speaks.

Broly Jr.'s character is very bland and fanboyish.

Broly Jr. as an unexplained Super Saiyan. I realize he is the son of the "Legendary Super Saiyan", but I personally do not view Broly as the LSS.

The constant shift between past and present tense. Pick one and stay with it.

Broly Jr. being a clone, and the manner by with he was "created". Illogical, impractical, and of course, unoriginal.

I don't like the manner in which backstory is presented. It is actually more confusing than not explaining it at all.

Again, Broly Jr. having the "LSS" transformation. I don't agree with this. At. All.

Episodes are very short, and could not fit into a 30 minute block.

Very little buildup and character development. Broly Jr. is turning into a horrible Gary Stu, too.

I don't see why Broly Jr. would be looking for other Saiyans. Seems like a forced plot point.

The entire concept of the girl Broly thing is bad.

Even though you created Brolia, she's OOC. I can just tell.

The culture of the brolina planet is too close to that of earth.

"Original" Broly dream. Everything 'bout it.

Overall, I find this story while unique, quite boring and hard to follow.

Overall Rating: E-

DRAGON BALL GT PART 2
pros

No, you don't deserve any.

cons

Lame saga names

Incredibly poor grammar.

No formatting abilities.

Story is absolutely horrid.

Big "what the fuck" moment at shenron trying to get Goku to drink his blood.

Even bigger wtf moment when Goku became part dragon. I'm assuming this author has no idea how stuff works...

This story is obviously non-canon to the DB universe, but I'm thinking it's also non-canon to the real universe.

Lame, really lame dialogue.

By the way: Dragons. Don't. Age.

Now onto the second chapter... it has nothing to do with anything. It serves absolutely no purpose.

Terrible spelling.

Lame that tien has a kid. 'specially its name.

Drago the invincible is a horribly boring name.

Stupid plot, especially the possession of Vegeta.

Tien's sister is really far too powerful. You have to remember that he wasn't all that powerful until DBZ, in which he prolly peaked at a few million PL. 100 kamekaze ghosts could easily kill someone of that power.

Oh but then a souped up destructo disk kills her. Very inconsistent.

Everything about this story is wrong.

Gohan SS3. He stopped training after Z. If anything he became weaker in that time.

Great tournament. Specially all the detail of the fights.

BS power levels.

There are no "Dragon lords". Instead, there are Kais. Check up on that, bro.

Goku breathing fire... need I explain to you why this is crap?

You make villains far too strong.

Lame names of new attacks. Specially that Super deadly tri beam of death thingy. Come on, really?

Super. Saiyan. Five.

Gotenks can't just "become" a great ape. You need blutz waves, man. Lame.

Pan/Krillin fusion is terrible.

The new dragon balls are too convenient.

Villains unite saga has been done thousands of times before. Needless to say, it's a terrible idea every time.

How do the Z fighters know Goku is on that nogard?

And why the random wish for Broly to fight him?

Okay, let's get something straight. Broly was, at max power, about as strong as a super saiyan 2, maybe a little stronger. There was really no way for him to have gained any power in other world, especially that of ss4 (which again, requires a MOON). Broly would be no match for Goku then, and there's no way he would've killed "25 dragons".

Oh great, another spirit bomb. Why bother training and maxing Goku's power, when all your gonna use is the lifeforce of... everyone else? Really lame recoloring.

Drago eating Broly. My god... there's nothing even slightly okay in this story.

Super Tien 2, or whatever it is. So stupid.

Piccolo is OOC.

But really, they all are, so that's nothing specical.

Pan super saiyan 2.

Calbura? Because everyone knows how to fusion dance, right? That's really nice.

Lame-o Calbura speech, ripped off from Goku's and Vegeta's fusion.

Pahan fusion. Stop with the fusions, already. They're about as cheap as things get. It's basically a "oh no one can defeat anyone so let's all combine powers." Because that's what I'm looking for in a story, yeah right.

Buu is OOC. Goddamn is it that hard to follow how people talk in the real show? I mean seriously, no one seems to be able to do it.

Tien and Uub now fuse. Simply pathetic.

Lame-o redo of the kid buu spirit bomb struggle, only with Tiub.

Stupid fusion name, too.

Every single saga ends with "and then they wish everyone back to life." Terrible, terrible. This also removes any sort of meaning that deaths have, when you know they'll just be wished back at the end of the saga.

Stupid new character, chili. God-awful name, too.

Chili wouldn't have known how to summon the dragon.

Why is drago now the dragon of namek? Very stupid, imo.

That dragon splitting into 7 dragons. So... ****ing stupid.

Hell, this whole story is a piece of crap. I can't believe I actually read it. Final rating below.

Overall Rating: E-

DRAGON BALL: THE REMEMBERED COLDIANS
pros n/a

cons

The spelling.

The grammar.

The names of each character and race (Ice, Snow, Winter, etc...) is lame.

Abruptness of story.

They wouldn't know about the Changeling 5th form. And also wouldn't call it "Cooler's 5th form", as this is not a form only possible for Cooler. Also, timelinewise, I don't think Cooler would have had his fifth form yet.

They also wouldn't be able to transform to it.

The shooting lava thingy.

Chapter length isn't enough to fill a 30 minute bloc.

Sparing that snow kid wouldn't have happened.

Dialogue is among the worst I have ever seen.

The training of 100 pushups/situps is barely anything. Your power would not go up more than a few points a day by that method. And yes, even at 30x.

No buildup in story.

The chapter titles are boring.

Why didn't the other kid help the main one when he fought Hot the first time?

The Changelings wouldn't know Destructo Disks.

Hot turning into lava... wtf.

"You see we warmians are not only living fire but also living lava. For lava is like liquid fire. Both are red and can easily kill people. They can also both be caused or happen at random times."

- wtf dialogue

Seriously, what is that?

Forgetting how to dodge attacks... seriously, and they're supposed to by 5th form changelings.

The ultimate plan, quasi spirit bomb thingy. Bah.

Killing all the other changelings by using the spirit bomb.

The snow guy getting all sad, and then forgetting about it all when his (brother?) tells him they were cowards.

The entirety of the (so far) posted namekian saga is extremely NCF. First off, Frieza's ship was destroyed. Secondly, all his minions wre killed. Thirdly, they wouldn't have known about a "super saiyan". Fourthly, how would Snow and Winter even know about Frieza? And why would they even care? Aren't the stronger than him? Isn't he just a weakling?

Also, the relocating of the nameks was unknown to Frieza, so there's no way they'd have known.

Should also note here, that the name of the story is completely unrelated to anything.

Overall Rating: E-

(KV note: The rating for this story is also the "oppisite" of The Forgotten)

SPECIAL (LEGACIES EPISODE)
pros

The writing style is quite good, though sometimes it does get kind of awkward.

Being about Tien’s origins is pretty unique and interesting.

Kortar is an interesting character choice.

Tien’s mother/father bit was pretty good. Kinda reminded me of a story in the latter part of the series Monster where an older couple wins the lottery and doesn’t know what to do.

cons

It’s far too short. I’d say only about 1/3 or ½ as long as it should be. This also leads to Kortar kinda being a useless character to introduce unless you’re gonna write Tien: Origins again (with him still in it).

Overall Rating: A

DRAGON BALL SV
pros

One of these writers is now banned forever; and the others aren't active anymore.

cons

Don't like the names of each saga.

The blue star dragon balls have no backstory. I have no idea what they are at all, why they are there, and why everyone (in the story) seems to not find this strange at all. Also, how are they different from normal dragon balls?

Shenron is OOC! Wonderful!

K, the xbox wish is completely idiotic.

Horrible formatting.

In addition the the other problems, everything is too abrupt. Goten and Trunks are playing xbox and literally in the next sentence a tourney begins. For no reason. Needs moar splainin'. Seriosly.

"The first match was Pan with the Blue Dragon Ball vs. Yamcha"... What does this even mean? She's just carrying the balls with her? Even so, why would this be noteworthy? Don't they turn to stone after the wish?

As much garbage as Yamcha is, he would never kill Pan, nor mistakenly kill her. I'm sure he would be careful around her.

How can Pan be revived with the blue star balls immediately after she dies? Didn't they just wish for an xbox?

Everything going on is completely incomprehensible.

Goku is OOC as well as nonsensical.

Okay, so the first chapter ends mid-tourney. The next chapter begins. There is no continuation of this tourney, nor even mention of it. Why the heck would you even write a tourney in the beginning if you're not even going to give it any meaning?

Now, seeing all this, there really isn't any kind of story either.

Very poor grammar.

Every other sentence starting with suddenly.

This all seems to be written by a drunkard. Honestly.

Every chapter is way too short. A single paragraph. No way this could fill a 30 minute bloc.

The introduction of the new namekian Luqwer is incredibly bad. But it's not an exception to this story.

Okay, so now Vegeta knows all about the blue star dragon balls... why and how? Without any explanation, this is terribly written.

The concept that the blue star balls can grant infinite wishes with no "cooldown" time is pathetic. So. Horrible. I mean why even have a story when you can just wish for everything you want to happen? I can't see anything bad happening ever again therefore, and that bores me greatly.

The last sentence of chapter 2 implies that the tourney is still going on; however this is very hard to follow. Its all like "suddenly this happened" and I have no idea why.

K, so if this is the same tourney (on earth) then neither Tora nor Appule would be alive, nor there. Nor would Bardock nor any of the other dead Saiyans. Seriously, if you watch Dragon Ball it's pretty easy to see who is alive and who is dead.

Tora's power level was not 10,000-25,000. It was like 5,000 tops. Remeber, Bardock was the 3rd strongest saiyan behind King and Prince Vegeta and his power level was only 10,000ish. Tora was much weaker than that.

That said, Appule was not stronger than tora. His power level was maybe 300. And thats a big maybe.

Bardock becoming a super saiyan is completely ridiculous. He was much more angry in his special and didn't turn super saiyan there. Theres no reason why he would here.

And oh great the blue star dragon balls are an infinite crutch as I thought. Who cares when someone dies? You'll just wish them back infinitely and immediately anyways.

I am sure that most scouters can not read up to 2 million power level. Specially those owned by low class soldiers like Appule.

Now that Bardock is a Super Saiyan one punch would easily kill an enemy weaker than (even) Raditz.

Bardock isn't a "puse" and he wouldn't go and hug Tora.

How is the final match krillin vs goten? Neither has been shown fighting thusfar. And other members such as Goku, Vegeta, Bardock haven't been shown to be defeated. This is dreadful.

Goten. Isn't. A. Super. Saiyan. 2.

How does the announcer have a blue star dragon ball? You last said that Bulma had them all.

Seriously wtf to this all.

And who are Dark Buu and Red Buu. Aside from having no backstory and horribly cliched names... Buu is dead. I know, big shocker there but he is.

So saiyan that, this makes the story incredibly non-canon and totally incomprehensible.

The Z fighters don't need an airplane to travel to Kami's lookout. You know they can just... fly, right?

You did not give any backinfo on this new planet Vegeta. It can't just exist without backstory.

Say who Maya's and Telia's parents are. It's not something that can just be assumed.

Blue shenron? Who the hell is that?

Bohan is a garbage name.

He also has no backstory.

Who is Disdana? You never said who she was born to.

Elder Kai wouldn't be with the Z fighters.

Blue Trophy? Explain these things man.

Pitiful attempts at humor (dark buu apparently stole Bulma's cookies)

Okay, one of the buu's kills Bulma and Trunks powers up. And then what? They all run and hide in the house? First off, neither Vegeta, Goku, nor trunks would do that. So that's some more OOC. Secondly, Buu could just destroy the house anyways. And also, Launch should not be with them.

M'kay so now after they all hid like cowards in the house, Trunks decides to come out, and no one tries to stop or help him? Like hell that would happen. At the very least Goten would go as well. Goku and Vegeta would prolly also go as well.

Vegeta would not "decide" to fuse with anyone, least of which Gohan.

Lame-ass naming for his fusion, too.

I don't care that Launch was carrying lots of water.

Why the heck did the buus turn into immortal statues? What purpose did that serve?

What will Vegithan do?

No descriptions of fights.

Why would the buus allow vegeta and gohan to o back into the house? And why would they?

More importantly... why is Goku not fighting at all but just wandering in the house?

owait there he is. Yep, Goku just kills them. No explanation. No fight. No powering up or anything. Just Gary Stus... Gary Stus everywhere.

Also should mention that there is no way that goku is stronger than the vegeta/gohan fusion.

Suddenly Goku sees Pan. Lawdy, that's important.

The random details that are so stupid. Like I dont care that Launch ate some food; or that Chi Chi was even making food. I want to see fights and character development. Not stupid trivialities.

Tien training with Goku could've have been good, had tien not seen Chaoitzu and Launch chatting in the bathroom. Because then, you know, suddenly Tien and Launch were in the bedroom.

Goddamn it all.

Bringing Raditz back, the way you did it was horrible. So ****ing cliched and forced.

Who is Teko? Give some backstory for once would ya? Besides, Raditz power level of 1200 wouldn't beat anyone, 'cept Appule. Goku could do it himself anyways.

How did Chi Chi know that Raditz had to eat?

Should also mention that Goten doesn't study; even if Gohan did.

Why does everyone go to the bathroom to talk with launch. Seriously what is wrong with you?

After the buus were defeated by a one-sentence Goku, why is everyone staying at the lookout? It's like they get there and immediately start acting like they've lived there forever.

Raditz isn't a super saiyan. You saying so doesn't make it true.

Launch makes a decoration. If I had a fridge...

Random fights like the one with Teko have no meaning. What is their purpose and how do they continue the story? Answer: they have no purpose. It's just a collection of ****ty, random thoughts.

How did Hatchiyack get to new planet vegeta?

Bardock Super Saiyan 2, with no explanation.

K, if they've got a new planet vegeta why are Bardock and Co. going back to heaven?

What's up with all these random births? Lala is so unneeded.

By this time, they all know about the blue star dragon balls; as several of them have even asked for wishes.

Saying the blue balls (lol) can only grant 1-8 wishes is contradictory to the entire story up to this point.

And they go away.

Bohan tricks Gohan? Why? Where? (and how?)

How does Pan meet her granddaughter. I thought she was only like 10 at this time. Unless I (understandbly) missed some rapid aging.

Stupid random dialogues. Vegeta's, "There's Kakarot" has nothing to do with anything. I'd rather you not say anything at all then just spew out pointless drivel.

K, who's Teke? Is it really that hard to give these guys some backstory... or at the very least an introduction?

Pro tip: Shenron grants wishes, he doesn't "need" them.

Random power up of master roshi is just plain stupid.

Neither Goku nor Vegeta have the potara earings to just "spot o' the moment" fuse into Vegito. Nor would they want to.

No way Vegito would train with Roshi. That wouldn't work for either of them.

Vegito can't just defuse. Check up on what the potara earings are.

Oh great another tournament. Can you seriously write for anything else?

Bardock and such come back again; I think this'll prolly just start the whole story over again.

Pikkon doesn't know the kamehameha. Nor would he use it if he did.

Pikkon is way more powerful than Raditz. No way he'd lose to a being with a 1200pl.

Stupid Bardock-cheering-on-dialogue-thingy. Pretty sure Tora knows that he should look at his opponent.

K who is Isada? And why isnt it Piccolo vs Raditz (since piccolo never lost in that tourney). Why didn't Vegeta/Goku/other Z Fighters take place in the tourney? All are cons.

Raditz winning the entire tourney is so lame. Fanboyism to the extreme, I think.

Another Buu is just so fucking stupid. Sorry, but that is absolutely pathetic. We already had the red buu and the other one. Why can't you make up some original villains for ****'s sake?

Sukicrazy Buu is a garbage name, quite honestly.

Why did Raditz randomly attack Piccolo?

The whole family kamehameha bullshit was ridiculously recolored and cliched. I really have no idea what the hell you watched as a reference to this story but it wasn't DBZ. A SS1 can't beat Buu, nor would everyone just be around watching.

Sukicrazy Buu's personality is non-existant as is much of his fight. To be honest, the enemy could be anyone cuz you dont explain anything at all. Cept for random stuff like...

Pan Jr. was playing with the bags.

Trunks was hugging Bulma.

Goku and Vegeta leaving is too similar to what happens in the actual show. Which I'd much rather be watching right now, btw.

Why the hell did the half-assed party leave earth? It should be either none or all of them.

Absolute garbage too, that you don't explain why the random members leave. Nor do you explain why Bardock or his guys are still alive. They should go back to heaven like last time.

This is the worst fic I have ever read, ever. This includes those dreadful translated Halo ones on ff.net. I am seriously glad that none of you are active users anymore because our wiki already has enough crap as it is.

Overall Rating: E-

DRAGON BALL AP
Pros

Some plot twists were unexpected.

The story is somewhat unique.

Cons

No Pan or Bulla makes this non-canon to DBZ.

Story starts too abruptly. There needs some proper intros.

Vegeta is OOC.

This includes him training with Piccolo, something which he would never do. In addition his dialogue is way, way off.

Lots o’ writing is awkward.

Spelling is poor, on occasion.

The new Saiyan or whatever he is shouldn’t look like Goku. And he shouldn’t be wearing a gi like Goku.

I dislike the dialogue, a lot. Not just the OOC stuff, but all of it.

Keeko killing Piccolo was just bollocks. I dunno why he would want to wish Piccolo back later, anyways.

First off, Broly didn’t know about Keeko, and I don’t think he would ever cower in his name. Broly’s just insane that way.

Keeko shouldn’t know about the Dragon Balls.

I don’t like the name, Universal Super Saiyan for several reasons; not least of which it sounds ‘orrible. Also sounds like a navy vessel (ie: USS Keeko).

The reasoning for Vegeta not knowing about Keeko is stupid. I mean, you honestly want to tell me that Broly is more important than the prince of all Saiyans? Yeah, good luck with that.

Keeko is way too powerful. As a simple Saiyan, his base form should not be stronger than ss3, nor even ss1. Remember ss3is 400X times base form. And yeah, I don’t think Keeko is 400 times stronger than Vegeta.

Goku shouldn’t have already known about the USS.

Keeko being the leader of the Planet Trade Organization contradicts practically everything. And no way would Frieza be his servant.

He also couldn’t have trained the original super Saiyan as that took place over 1000 years ago. Don’t tell me he’s that old.

In addition, giving the energy to Bibidi to create Majin Buu is absolutely ridiculous. Keeko and Buu surely would have fought sometime if this were the case, and by what has been stated so far Keeko surely would have one. So yeah, this story contradicts practically everything ever established in the DB universe.

Keeko’s dialogue is incomprehensible. Gohan SS3. You gotta remember that his adult form is much weaker than his teen form. There’s no way then that he could have been a SS3.

If goku and vegeta can go SS4 then GT must have happened in your story. This means that Goku wouldn’t be here and Piccolo would have already been dead.

Fight scenes are confusing.

Keeko knowing instant transmission is just idiotic.

SS4 Gogeta beating Keeko was too expected.

“Hey Goten, remember how your dad got his tail pulled out and it made him stronger?” No, that did not happen. Goku got weaker because his tail was removed. The same thing happened to Vegeta when Yajirobe cut his off in the Saiyan Saga.

Trunks and Goten’s tails were removed at birth. They don’t have them anymore.

And as I’ve mentioned before, simply removing the tail will not make anyone stronger, but in fact much weaker.

Goten and Trunks should also not be able to become SS2 after that happened.

What are Vegeta/Goku/everyone else all worried about? Didn’t they kill Keeko already?

Bio-Cell. Ugh.

Bio-Cell can’t just power up to semi-perfect state. He needs to absorb one of the androids first.

I really don’t see how Bio-Cell would be so much more powerful than regular Cell, while still in his imperfect forms.

And no way Goten and/or Trunks (even enraged) would be stronger than their dads.

The both of them being SS3 is really a bad idea.

I don’t see how Roshi could, legitimately, teach Gotenks anything. I’m just saiyan…

Sipher… wtf…?

He’s just a random Saiyan who is as powerful as anyone? And can go super Saiyan? I really don’t like that.

Super Saiyan 5.

There is far too much reliance on fusions.

Vegeta doesn’t know instant transmission.

I don’t like that Keeko has all these Saiyans with him. How did they survive Frieza? More importantly how did they get so powerful?

Goku is OOC. Very much so.

The new Saiyan taking over vegeta is too much like baby’s take over of him in GT. Use a different person.

Ezara shouldn’t be able to use instant transmission.

How could Keeko possibly send a message to the Z fighters if he was in hell? And why would they even go if the Dbs weren’t working? How would Vegeta and Goku going there make any difference?

How does Keeko/Frieza/everyone else get out of hell?

Roshi wouldn’t fuse with 18. Or other way around. And even if they did, it wouldn’t really increase 18’s power.

… Frieza’s not more powerful than the krilliencha whatever fusion. No way. 18 alone could beat him.

Roshi isn’t strong enough to kill Frieza. And Frieza isn’t strong enough to kill Tien, nor 18.

I don’t see how the Z fighters knew about Broly coming back to earth.

Broly OOC.

I don’t see how a SS3 is equal to Gogeta SS5. Gogeta would easily be hundreds, if not thousands of times stronger than him.

I also don’t see how Broly could be blasted into space like that and get to new planet Namek immediately.

Keeko couldn’t be Broly’s great great grandfather, as that’s not nearly enough (Generational-wise) to go back over a billion years.

Now, by this time, how could they all fuse into the five? Tien and 18 are both dead, and Broly had (perhaps) killed Krillin too. So that’s really inconsistent.

There is no advantage for Keeko to wait 2 weeks before fighting the Z fighters when he was obviously the most powerful.

These fights are all redundant.

And once again, I don’t see how SS2 Broly can beat SS5 Vegeta.

There’s a 30 minute wait between fusions which you don’t seem to take notice of.

Super Saiyan 6.

Gotrikan.

It doesn’t even seem like there was a 2 week break. Maybe the author forgot about what Keeko said earlier?

Super nemian 4. No explanation needed.

I detest the USS Form.

Why would Vegeta charge Keeko in his SS2 form when his SS6 form didn’t even work just moments before? Seems incredibly stupid.

The spirit bomb is a re-hash from the kid buu saga. Which I’d rather be watching.

Also is a re-hash of the cell fight where Vegeta distracted him long enough for Gohan to kill him.

I don’t like that Keeko was hit by the spirit bomb or that the bomb was used at all, really.

Keeko’s stupid retreat. He was far more powerful than Goku and he should’ve easily been able to kill Goku especially after he got his Zenkai from that battle.

Once again the dragon balls are too much of a crutch. Deaths hold no meaning.

Vegeta being all emo in the next saga.

Keeko coming back as a “good” guy only reinforces his Gary Stu-like qualities

The Frozen Time Dimension is a ripoff of the Hyperbolic Time Chamber.

What does that mean… you don’t age unless you choose to?

Again, another BS ripoff but this time with the ultra divine water. The entire thing about Keeko’s mother.

Eagus.

The reusing of almost all the various Saiyan body parts for keeko’s father and his team.

The reusing of the name Fasha.

I hate, beyond practically anything bringing in Keeko’s family.

Especially that they are all super Saiyans/super powerful.

Even moreso, there’s no way that simple ss1 of these random Saiyans should be more powerful than ss5 of goku and vegeta.

The fact that Keeko’s father can go USS dimishes the form even more than I thought possible.

I AM SUPER KEEKO.

Okay I read the first two sagas. I cannot take any more. I simply can’t. This story is so bad, so horrible it would just be torture to go through. And I think my review would just be getting repetitious by then, anyways.

Final Rating: E-

DRAGON BALL EG
pros

Fight scenes aren't as bad as I thought they would be.

The premise is somewhat unique.

cons

Turning Goku into a dragon...

Terrible Grammar.

I don't think Vegeta would retreat from battle. He'd rather die.

You forgot to revive Vegeta at the end.

Practically everything else.

Final Rating: E-

CLASH OF TWO WORLDS: DRAGON BALL Z VS. BLEACH
Pros

Considering the author’s age and that his first language is not English, this is written quite well. However, due to his ego that doesn’t mean I won’t criticize this at the same time.

The plot is rather simple.

At least there was no fanon Super Saiyan levels.

Cons

Dialogue is boring.

Grammar is awkward at times.

Constant confusing of tenses.

Constant changing of style of writing. Ie: sometimes it’s in 3rd person, other times in 2nd person.

I know nothing of the Bleach universe. Seeing as this is the Dragon Ball fanon, the author could at least try to help us understand some rudimentary concepts about that universe to lessen our confusion.

Goku wouldn’t know what a shinigami is.

Super Saiyan hair turns yellow, not blue. Broly’s would have been yellow too had he not been wearing that device on his head.

Goku and the ichigo guy were about even in while each was in base form. When Goku transformed to Super Saiyan and became 50x stronger, he should have easily beaten Ichigo. Then at Super Saiyan 2, or 100x stronger than Ichigo, there should have been no contest.

Sorry but at Super Saiyan 3, Ichigo shouldn’t be able to touch him. I don’t care if he’s using that special getsuga.

Kaioken Super Saiyan 3 would be 800x stronger than Ichigo, afaik. Still don’t see how the Ichigo guy isn’t dead.

Lame ass ending with Ichigo overpowering someone way stronger than him.

Final Rating: E-

MAJIN MAGIC PARTS 1 AND 2 (LEGACIES EPISODES)
pros

I like the abra kadabra alakazam thing. And say what you want, but that's Pokemon not Harry Potter.

Interesting concept as Bibidi's origins.

Like that Dabura's in it.

cons

Personally, I don't like religous messages in stories. Pro or anti.

Writing style is very hard to understand.

Each chapter is like 1/10 as long as they should be.

Final Rating: C

TIEN: ORIGINS
An astute eye would see, among our vast wiki many a story. Most of which, unfortunately are not decent enough to hold a man (or woman) of reasonable intellect for enough time as to be an enjoyable experience. Sure, we’ve all had our laughs at the worst of these (such as…) but there comes a time, where no matter what, you want to read something good, something worthwhile, something… memorable. This is hard to find, due in part to the community at whole. Indeed I would say that I could, no offense to anyone, count the amount of good writers here on one hand. Yes, one hand. And let me tell you now that user Destructivedisk is just one of these few.

Introductions aside, this review is of a story called Tien: Origins, written by the aforementioned Destructivedisk. A cursory glance of this yields me the knowledge that the story is about the origins of Tien. Conceptually, this is a quite the amusing, if simplistic idea. Because really, haven’t we all wondered why that guy has three eyes? Well maybe not me, but people have. I think.

The first thing, upon reading this story is that I was struck by its style. Usually, I’ve found within the first sentence or (if need be) paragraph, the basic flow for the writing can be surmised. And from what I’ve read, in totality, Origins is, among non-KV works, the very best written fan fiction on our wiki. It can be verbose, at times awkwardly so, but nonetheless it remains of an almost professional level at all times. I would prefer some sentences to be shorter and some words to be used less frequently, too. Nevertheless, I had no trouble getting through this story.

On the subject of writing style, I also want to give off a small notice to the other interluded styles sprinkled throughout each chapter. Usually these are written (with appropriately colored text) in script, or The Forgotten format. And I must say that they are absolutely amazing. The transitions, in every chapter save chapter 5, are smooth, elegant, and ultimately work very well. I would say that the poem in chapter is a bit less of a smooth transition, and in content itself it does falter a bit more (maybe I’m just biased from all my poetry classes) than the overall chapter. That said, the entire last chapter being written in poetic form is was a good touch. And fact that Destructivedisk is trying things, looking for ways to make his story better, and isn’t afraid to post it is what truly impressed me.

For the actual story, or plot, my feeling is much the same; it is spectacular. My favorite part of this story is how it slowly moves, almost in a gradual buildup kind of way, from a simple, almost innocent adventure into a full-blown emotional epic. Story-wise, most plot elements work; the use of Shen, the tagging along of Yamcha, even the concept of using the Original Super Saiyan all work without feeling forced. Most of the Bekk (Tien’s alien race) society that Destructivedisk crafted here made held my interest, as well. Particularly the idea of the thricers, indebting Bekks with a third eye, as it were was a cool idea. The small crossover with the Star Trek universe (the guardian character) also interested me; as a crossover is something that is not easy to do. However, it’s decent enough to work out here and I have no overall complaints for it.

Several elements of the plot, however, do not work. I would say my biggest complaint overall is the lack of power that Kordar has. Character-wise it limits the believability that he would be able to hold any sort of influence over, say, Tien or even Yamcha. In addition, I would say that the Original Super Saiyan transformation was about the most lackluster, emotionless one I’ve ever seen. It doesn’t work to just have him go Super Saiyan out of nowhere, for no real reason other than to fight. A better idea would have maybe been to include an extra chapter from the Saiyans point of view to show a bit into why/how he ever got to that form. I also want to point out that the time traveling doesn’t match up, how I think it was supposed to, as the new Tien baby would be brought back into the Z timeline, and therefore not live the life that the previous Tien had lived. Yeah, I dunno.

Character-wise, I have very few complaints. Chiaotzu and Yamcha are definitely in character at all times, and Tien is mostly with them. The dialogue is pretty spot on. Developmentally, a few things didn’t click as I don’t see how Yamcha or Chiaotzu, given their vast superiority over Kordar, would listen to the Bekk and fight (and kill) with his army. Seems a bit… strange. Again, I go back to Kordar being stronger so as to force them to join his army.

For the themes and overall tone of this story, I am mostly… well apathetic. Funny, I know. But seriously, the actually themes of the story, ranging from anti-religion to finding acceptance are generally okay. I would have preferred no religious stuff at all, as I hate reading about that kind of crap, but regardless it’s not too out of place. The theme of Tien being rejected by a society was also a powerful theme that I really liked. Especially since he took much the nobler road in it. The most interesting bit, I found about the tone though is that Tien doesn’t, in the end, really win. He goes back in time finds his people, saves his baby self, and in so doing gives his baby self the very thing that made him undesirable to begin with. That’s some awesome irony right there.

So, which rating to give this story? Well get to that in a minute. First I want to say several closing thoughts about this story. First up, it’s the most well-written on this site. It’s also one of the most original, in style and plot. The characters (well Tien) have impressive development, and there wasn’t any super Saiyan 5. I would say, in my opinion, the quality of the chapters would be listed in this order: 3 6 1 4 5 2. For the overall rating, I have to consider several things. Namely, it’s the best current fanon on the site, excluding my own. So, seeing that I would have to give it a… S rank. Near perfect.

To Destructivedisk, I tip my hat to you, sir.

DRAGON BALL Z: BLOODLINES
pros

It doesn’t say, but I’m assuming GT is not canon.

Cyanide.

Descriptions are, well… descriptive, but as I’ll get into below, that actually hurts the story too.

cons

Chapter display is all messed up, leading this to be a hard story to navigate.

Goku would not be dead 200 years later. Elder Kai’s lifespan is much longer than that.

Meh, by the end of Z Vegeta was a good guy, as evident by his own life being wished back when he wished “all good people” to be brought back to life.

I don’t like the Saiyan descendant names. At all. They’re very boring.

Dialogue is super awkward and/or cheesy.

Don’t like that weird script-esque format you use sometimes in parenthesis.

Nash talks very weirdly, especially given his age.

Most non-dialogue passages are just simple sentences explaining what each character is doing. I wish there would be more depth.

Tombstone Blue is a lame name.

Between the end of chapter 2 and the start of chapter 3 there seems to be a bit of text that is missing. I mean one minute he’s talking to a man, and the next he’s running through the forest. That seriously don’t make sense.

The turtle thing is too much like the first couple or so episodes of Dragon Ball, where Goku does the same thing.

Turtle thingy talks weird.

Using kilometers instead of miles. Damn commie.

Roshi seems OOC.

Eh, the whole thing of repeating DB’s early second saga is kinda boring.

Bulma memo is OOC.

No real character development, that I’m seeing so far.

I don’t sense any emotion in the writing, nor any in the actual characters.

The megaphone policeman is OOC.

Fight scenes, due to the way in which this story is written, are confusing.

The scene with Blue was kinda confusing. Especially the bit where the thug randomly yelled out “Another one”.

I realize now that that was because Nicko was standing there, but the way that you switch from time and perspective is still really confusing.

Terrible dialogue.

Endings of each chapter seem randomly done. And as I’ve mentioned before, often times they don’t smoothly transition into the next chapter.

All the characters are confusing, and it’s hard to tell them a part.

This isn’t helped by the fact that they are nigh emotionless, or personally distinctive.

The thing with Buu and Godom was too abrupt. That and I don’t see how Buu’s punch wouldn’t kill him.

The fight with the thugs in the Dragon Shrine chapter was wholly underwhelming.

I’ve never like the running gag (even in Dragon Ball) where bullets had no effect on Saiyans or whatnot, even when not powered up AT ALL. I would say that this is unacceptable here.

The thing with the random pilots… I don’t even know what that was.

Finally, I’ll say this story is like DB… without any of the humor or loveable characters. It has several major flaws, such as the weak dialogue and the really awkward and terrible text. In good conscious, I cannot recommend this story, nor can I support it as a featured fan fiction. Sorry!

Final rating: E-

DODORIA: A GALLANT WARRIOR
pros

Making a story about Dodoria’s life is somewhat interesting.

cons

Thing with the wishing upon a star is stupid.

The sentences read in a very broken fashion. Ie… most sentences will start with “He did this…” or “He thought that…” which doesn’t make for smooth reading.

Sentence structure is inconsistent.

As is the voice.

Constant changing of tense.

You use both meters and miles in the same paragraph, not to mention the entire story. That only serves to confuse me.

“There were rumors that a vast forest was hidden deep inside the forest” … yeah, what is that?

Grammar is just overall poorly done.

Dialogue is not good enough.

Don’t like the name Strife at all.

Nor do I like the name Lord Hiroshima.

You don’t format dialogue correctly. Make a new paragraph whenever someone different starts speaking, please.

Don’t like the name Mr. Kanto, either. Think up something original for once.

Killing his parents the way you did felt a little too clichéd.

Final Rating: E-

DRAGON BALL KD
pros

No.

cons

Bam, you put who dies before I can even read the chapters. Why bother?

Completely incoherent bullshit like this:

"Bulma was just abut to get killed by Frieza when all fears just did not happened. Goku takes all the fears away, then Goku saves Bulma from Frieza."

- Super Important Info

Random introduction of the new bronze knife character.

Vegeta... wtf is wrong with him?

What the hell does two random people being born 17 minutes after Vegeta OOC'd have to do with anything?

Stupid dialogue.

Random Goten crying.

WTF with the explanation of turtle? That's just so stupid.

Everyone's just relaxing while Vegeta's going around killing everyone. I think they would, you know, do something after he killed 2 people. Just saiyan.

There is little to no connection between the events that take place in this story.

The entire first saga was 1 paragraph long. That's not enough; you should prolly make chapters for each saga and then write for each chapter. It's simply not enough to fill more than like 45 seconds of a standard episode as it stands.

Roshi's dialogue makes no sense.

Krillin hugs 18 on the head.

Why is Vegeta going around killing everybody? Like randomly 18?

Also, more to the point, you should have the Z fighters try to stop Vegeta... I mean they're obviously strong enough. There's no reason why they'd just sit around and sleep and "hope" that he doesn't come and get them in the night.

Why do you keep mentioning that turtle is drinking water? That has nothing to do with anything.

Overall poor grammar.

Okay, you said Krillin already found 18's body. Now there's no point that he would just start searching for her body again.

Stupid random using of the dragon balls to wish back those who were randomly killed before. I'm sensing a pattern in this fic...

The babies that you keep mentioning that are born have nothing to do with anything. For one, you don't even say who their parents are. For another, the names you use are just horrid.

If this takes place after GT, then there is no Kami. Remember he fused with Piccolo in the android sagas of DBZ.

Roshi's house isn't a gift shop. I know, shocker.

Everyone buyed some. - Everyone "buyed" some what? Exprain yourserf, man!

The second saga being named the "Benball Saga" has nothing to do with the actual saga.

Pointless dialogue. Whenever you have someone talk it's just something that we already know, or just somethingp plain stupid. Usually both.

Pretty sure Gohan learned how to train before this point.

You can't just give someone a 10,000 power level... like a gift. Besides that's a terrible gift, Gohan's already way stronger than 10,000.

WTF... why are Goku and Gohan at a martial arts place? And why are they beating everyone up? They should be out trying to figure out why Vegeta randomly killed all those people.

Stop. With. All. The. Random. Births.

Randomly killing Roshi.

Randomly re-introducing Super Buu, for no reason and killing him within the same sentence.

Krillin made an idea.

Krillin's idea wouldn't work as a saga back Bulma had just used shenron. You have to wait a year in between wishes.

Okay, okay. I don't understand this at all, "Later, Krillin, Roshi and 18 see Launch dead from being killed by Vegeta. Roshi and 18 both step on Launch, and then Launch's body turned into the pure evil Majin Buu. " Seriously, this needs to be explained.

This story makes no sense.

Vegeta being randomly good again.

Vegeta randomly strolling with Videl in Goku's garden.

Videl randomly taking a picture of Vegeta.

Videl randomly saying '''"Sorry to intrupt you." '''

WTF why doesn't anyone fight? They just randomly die and then get revived like two seconds later.

If there was an "evil buu", the Z fighters wouldn't participate in a tourney. They would, you know, fight him. Which nobody seems to do in this story.

Spopovitch is dead; he couldn't possibly be at the tourney.

Dabura is dead; he couldn't possibly be at the tourney.

Okay, you've already used the dragon balls like 3 times in one day. Enough already.

I don't get why 18 and roshi keep going back inside the house.

Goku and Gohan are OOC. They wouldn't be training here, but you know, fighting.

The revenge saga has no meaning, when put up against its saga's content.

I don't care if Nelisa was born. It has nothing to do with anything.

Nor do I care that she is drinking from her bottle. Once again, see above.

King Piccolo is dead; he couldn't possibly be at the tourney.

"The battle between Gotenks and Vegeta begins." There was never a fight between them referenced to, nor would any sane mind assume that they were about to battle.

Ooooh good fight; Gotenks kicking Vegeta's heart is good stuff.

I don't like that Gotenks randomly killed a bunch of civilians.

I also don't liked that you used the dragon balls for about the 50th time.

Okay, Gotenks vs. Saibaman shouldn't be close. Nor should you have to use stupid dialogue to tell us that it was.

Dr. Gero is dead, as is 19. 17 is no longer evil by this point.

Enough with the head cutting off. It's not "cool".

Another tourney? Srsly?

Bulma saying hold on once again is just wtf.

Pui Pui is dead.

Bardock is dead.

King Piccolo is dead.

Android 16 is dead.

Android 15 is dead.

Yajirobe wouldn't fight in the tourney.

Got all that? Because all your characters are OOC to the max, this isn't even Dragon Ball any more.

Gah... Future 17 and 18 are dead man, besides that they are also in their own timeline...

I like how you announce a tourney, then skip through the thing, not showing one fight.

Randomly in the second round (8p), the final match begins. Yeah, really.

You don't even show the fight where Goku wins. That's super lazy.

Chi Chi is OOC.

Tournament Super Star Saga name. It's awful.

Kami being killed by Nail just doesn't work for so many different reasons. For one, Kami and Nail don't exist at this point, they're all part of Piccolo. For another, they're both good guys. And for even another, yes killing Kami would kill Piccolo too. Just saying "oh and Piccolo didn't die" isn't good enough. IT ISN'T GOOD ENOUGH.

There's no more Super Buu. You can't just bring him back. That's like having both Frieza's 2nd and 3rd form fighting each other.

Your bit with Dende makes no sense whatsoever.

Spike the evil man.

Baba would say no such thing to Mr. Spike. She wouldn't even be there.

The entire Nam/Rildo scene.

Stupid Goten dialogue.

There's no reason why Goten would randomly go to Namek.

Furthermore, there's no reason why Burter and Ginyu would be there.

Also, Chi Chi is OOC as she never once tried to get Goten to study/do homework, like she did with Gohan.

Everyone were battling... may I ask why? Also it seems by this point you've forgotten to revive several people. That's so unlike you, btw.

Don't like that you never revived Vegeta and that you made him such an OOC. Hell, the character YOU WROTE was not Vegeta. He's just too out there man.

Randomly bringing back drum is stupid. Besides he'd be far weaker than the Z fighters anyways.

Dodoria is way weaker than Goku. Goku shouldn't have to go SS4 to beat him.

Random Elder Kai wish is terrible. Just turrible.

"MF45 will type more sagas... " I'm so lucky that you didn't. Because this story is crap.

"Dragon Ball KD's character look likes are similar to DBZ's Buu saga look likes. " Yeah, that's nice.

"KD revealed 20-30 movies for this." Oh gawd, why would you make 30 movies out of this? How is that even possible?

Final Rating: E-

YU YU HAKUSHO Z
pros

The story makes no sense.

Alas it was, that such an act adds much to its great humor.

Dreadlocks SS FTW

The wtf fusion demon 7 thingy was funny.

Cell was sorry and left.

Killing that puse Gohan. He is such a puse.

The funniest bit I think is when Yamcha randomly howls like a wolf. Hahaha.

Random Pilaf.

The overall story is quite funny.

cons

Think it could be funnier if the chapter titles were a bit more random.

Sometimes the dialogue is a bit plain.

Final Rating: R

TROVAINE
pros

None.

cons

(I know this is a character page, but this was requested of me to review; I will still review it like I do other stories)

M'kay, first up his name. Let's look at it. Trovaine. Yeah, it sucks. It's not a vegetable, it's not a fruit, it's not a normal name... I dunno what the hell it is. But it sucks.

He was born with a power level of 7. That's just plain stupid. We don't need another Goku.

He's like a mega Gary Stu. He's just so perfect, but nobody understands him, right? Yeah, I bet.

So he sees Frieza's super nova. First off, how the hell could he?

Next up, even if he did his power level's prolly very low; therefore he shouldn't, well couldn't actually, be able to teleport away from the planet.

Because, honestly, when did he learn instant transmission? That's not like an everyday move that all Saiyans learn.

Stupid SS1 transformation. I don't even think it's logical that he would know what the super nova was, to begin with, and that he would know that Frieza destroyed his race.

His SS1 level is far too high. 13,000,000 is not 50x whatever his lowly level was at that time (it would of had to been like 250,000+ in order to reach 13 million; and that breaks canon in and of itself)

Did I mention he's overpowered?

Stupid story of him traning for 30 years to reach SS2, SS3, and SS4. My god, he's a gary stu.

A full power level of 15 trillion is way overpowered for a random Saiyan who's NEVER FOUGHT ANYONE. All's he fucking did for thirty years was pushups and your telling me that is better than Goku? I don't think so, brah.

The pics of your disastrous photoshops are funny. But they still are horrid.

The USS Trovaine form (sounds more like a navy "wessel") is just stupid. I mean you just give him these forms for no reason. It's like why does he even need them, if all he's ever done is trained?

His life seems very boring, too.

Overall, this character is prolly among the worst Gary Stus on this site, perhaps one of the worst ever. He's way overpowered, has a boring, illogical backstory, and looks like a photoshoped king Vegeta. I'm no fan of this crap.

Final Rating: E-

DRAGON BALL ST: ORIGINS OF SERROLI
pros

I like the kid Kai thingy in the prologue.

The style of writing is decent. You explain things decently as well.

The Kai story is very interesting and I love it long time. I like his little thing about living alone by the stream and catching fish, it's quite pleasant to read.

cons

I find it lulzy that you explain to us the meanings of the screamo themes to OoS. That said, I'm actually not fond of any of them. I also don't think there needs to be 3 themes for a simple special, but hey that's just a minor annoyance of mine. :P

Chapter titles are boring. This is purely my opinion though, as I like to have chapter titles either reference something or be a badass quote.

The entire story with Serroli just plain sucks. Sorry to say, but it's like something I'd expect from ss11 or even BROLY LSS5.

Really, really dislike that you have Bardock and King Vegeta in this story. It doesn't make sense at all that they were around so long ago. In addition, I don't like the bit of "destiny" you are trying to make out of this, for their songs.

Reusing the planets Yardrat and Namek was just lame. I think it would work better to just make up some new planets. Because, I don't see how they could possibly be around (with such sentience) so many millions of years before DBZ.

The stuff with Bardock and such not being ruthless, like Saiyans should be is meh to me. Perhaps when you create the OSS later, you'll explain it, but still without the Saiyans being ruthless and cutthroat, they just aren't Saiyans. And that leads to a huge connection issue for me (the reader) with them as being portrayed as Saiyans.

That said, I would then group this into having Bardock and Vegeta as OOC, as neither should act like they do in your story.

I think the dialogue between Bardock/Vegeta and Serroli is lacking. The swearing also seems out of place, to be honest. And they disown him way too quickly.

The way in which Bardock/Vegeta turn on Serroli is too abrupt. It should take place over perhaps a few chapters, not just half of one.

A minor annoyance, but I think that Akuno and Aratame are confusing names. When I first read the story, I thought that they were the same person. Well, that could also be because this whole story is very confusing too.

And this isn't necessarily a con, but are the Saiyans and Kais on the same planet? I'm just failing to grasp how the little kai kid would be impacted by serroli telling akuno some news....

Okay, and another question... I could have sworn Akuno and Aratame were the same people. Both seem to be Kais, so are they like two parts of one person or what? Once again, this isn't a con, just a curious question as this story is super confusing.

Final rating was hard for me to choose, but weighing this whole story, pros and cons, I had to pick the most appropriate one. I think overall, the well crafted Kai story is brought down by Serroli's story, which isn't good at all. And I think, were this only the Kai story it would have been a much stronger, and cohesive fan fiction.

Final Rating: C-

DRAGON BALL ULTIMATE SAIYANS
pros

Lol at Goten fapping in chapter 3.

cons

Gohan is OOC.

Chi Chi is OOC.

Pan is super OOC.

Goten is OOC.

Poor grammar, especially in the way that each character talks.

Dialogue is not very good at all.

Goten is stronger than Pan. He wouldn’t need to go Super Saiyan against her.

Scratch that, the dialogue is completely incoherent.

You never put periods in between sentences. Please do this.

All’s they go on about is how Goku is gone. That gets extremely tiresome.

None of this makes sense at all.

Your description for Trunks going Super Saiyan is horrid.

This plot is almost nonexistent. It’s just like they fight and then have parties…

Gohan is still OOC.

Vegeta is OOC.

Enough with Goku not being there. We get it.

Gawd, everyone is OOC. It’s like not even dragon ball any more.

There’s not enough plot going on in each chapter. Like especially the one where all’s they do is start 1 fight, and get about 2 seconds into it. That’s not enough.

Chiaotzu should not have beaten Krillin in their party tourney. He’s not even close to as strong as Krillin.

I’m unfamiliar with Majuub as a character, but I know in Z, Uub would never have thrown a match.

By saying that you were going to let Pan win, for no reason, that makes the entire fight pointless and uninteresting.

Bah, Goten shouldn’t be Super Saiyan 2.

Spelling, overall, is inconsistent. Usually, it’s not that great.

Again, despite not training at all during this time, Gohan would still be stronger than Goten.

Trunks should not be Super Saiyan 2.

Gah, Vegeta shouldn’t be Super Saiyan 3, either. I mean, he could, but you’d have to explain it first. Which you didn’t…

Babidi is OOC.

The whole Bibidi/Babidi bit makes little to no sense.

Cell wouldn’t curse. OOC!!!

Ultra Cell form.

The 5 crown thingy.

Broly is back. Hate that.

Broly is OOC, too.

Tarble being under Bibid’s control doesn’t make sense. First off, there's no explanation for as to how Bibidi would even know about Tarble. For another thing, Bibidi is dead. So he wouldn’t be able to control someone in the normal realm anyways.

Tarble OOC.

Final Rating: E-

LIFE OF A SON (LEGACIES EPISODE)
pros

It was tied into the Broly movie’s story about his survival, which I find mildly interesting.

Cons

There is a genuine lack of grammatical sense within this fiction.

Please try to make a new paragraph every time someone says something. Aside from being the correct way to format, it also makes it much easier to read.

There is a constant shifting of tenses. Pick one and stick with it. It’ll give off a more consistent feeling that way.

Oh, and not every word that anyone speaks has to be a scream. You use far too many exclamation marks, ‘specially in places that don’t make sense.

You don’t accurately explain how Broly/Paragus were healed. Nor do you properly explain how they survived in that extreme cold.

I think you could have given more detail on how Paragus found that random ship.

The thing with the alien’s creating Broly’s device was a good idea, however you didn’t properly introduce it and it turned out worse than it could have been.

I think overall this story had promise, but I was barely able to understand it due the grammar and spelling errors. It also progressed inconsistently, story-wise, which made for a hard to follow read.

Final Rating: E-

DEPICTION IN RED
pros

Great spelling and grammar; truly great prose as well.

The plot premise is very interesting and unique. I’ve never read any DB story like it.

I find it fascinating that Chi Chi was acting all “emo”. Specially the bit about her tasting the blood.

I like the dialogue at the end, it kinda brings a little more reality into the situation.

cons

I don’t have many complaints for this story; my main one however would be that I think you could have prolly given a little more explanation as to why she was cutting herself to begin with. I mean I read it and I knew why she did it, it was just I think it could have been done a little more in detail.

Final Rating: A

A SPRINT TO THE TOP (LEGACIES EPISODE)
pros

I like your explanation for how Korin aquired wisdom. He never really seemed like one who "inherently" had it. So I'm glad that you pressed that issue.

The opening quote from the rat, wherein he was quite respectably described was awesome.

I like that Scraggly was a rat; and the play between him and Korin was hilarious.

I'm getting the impression that Scraggly's wise ass attitude somewhat influenced Korin's personality for how he acted in later years. And yes, I really like that.

I like Korin's jokes, to himself.

Flawless Radiohead reference from the Makyan.

Simply put, I loved the plot.

cons

There’s something wrong with the sentences. They are worded very awkwardly. I'm not exactly sure, but some of your previous works (IMO) were filled with this such as Origins. I don't exactly know how to fix it either, sorry.

I think Korin’s first person is a little to elegant for his personality. That said, it’s not consistently super elegant, which makes this an inconsistent con.

I thought it wasn’t aptly explained how Kami knew about Korin; nor did I think it was explained well enough why Korin would accept to do what this random person told him.

Closing Thoughts:

Overall, I found this story to be very good. Indeed, plot-wise it's probably one of my favorite all time DB fan fictions. That said, there were numerous errors (IMO), such as the inconsistent personality of Korin, and especially the awkwardly worded sentences. While neither plagued the story too much, they were an overall detractor.

Final Rating: B+

WHY BOTHER?
pros

Great spelling/grammar.

Based on a great song.

It's about our beloved, Yajirobe.

I very much liked that this was more of a reflection-based story, over a plot expansion one. It's quite unique in that sense and I doubt (m)any fan fics can hold up against it.

And indeed the actual content of the reflection I find fascinating. It's very interesting to see Yajirobe's thoughts (something he would have never said aloud) about his weakness/uselessness, as the story progressed. And above all else, I like that there was a lack of sufficient resolution to said thoughts.

cons

While a great story, I think it lacked some interest, that other stories like TMT or DIR held over me. That said, I still very much enjoyed this story and I hope Destructivedisk can write more of these.

Closing Thoughts: See above.

Final Rating: S-

DRAGONBALL UNLIMATED
pros

Yeah right. I’ll get back to you guys with some.

cons

Okay, first things first, you misspelled “unlimited”. I don’t think this was exactly an accidental typo… as you misspelled it in your name too.

Terrible, terrible grammar. My god, this may be the worst I’ve ever seen.

Try using periods. They’re really useful.

… how can Gohan have another brother, if Goku left?

Oh, and Gochan is a stupid name.

Cool name with “Rohan”. That’s like a super deep one.

Totally incompressible story. There’s absolutely no way to understand what’s going on.

Gohan becoming a supreme kai is just about the stupidest thing I’ve read in the opening paragraph.

Specially don’t like that it’s “his destiny”. This isn’t ****ing star wars, bro.

Making Gohan a child again hold no purpose. It’s just you trying to replicate a bit from GT. A bit from GT, mind you, which was almost as bad as this story.

Super Saiyan 10? Um, when did this happen? There’s not even Super Saiyan 5...

Bullshit Mystic Saiyan 10. Seriously, wtf is that?

Stop switching tenses. I can’t even understand it without the periods and random words; this is really not helping that.

Okay, so Gohan mastered Mystic Saiyan 10 (gawd), it’s stupid that he now has to try to figure out how to go Mystic Saiyan. HE JUST WENT FUCKING MYSTIC SAIYAN 10. Goddamn man.

By far the laziest excuse for having Goku return I’ve ever seen.

Apart from changing tenses, there’s a great lack of any dialogue, yielding the occasional POV switch. Which is annoying as hell.

Okay, how the bloody hell would shenron know that all the hell villains would escape in two years? And since Gogeta ss4 is by far the strongest character in all of DB, why couldn’t Goku and Vegeta just fuse and stop them before they even rebel? It’s weak logic man.

Your explanation for how Gohan achieved mystic super Saiyan (after already having gone mystic super Saiyan 10 BEFORE THIS) is the most incoherent thing I’ve ever read on the entirety of this wiki.

If Gohan blew up the entire Kai planet by transforming, not only would he have died, but all the Kais would have died too.

Gohan can’t just restore a planet, either.

Having Elder Kai’s wisdom is so irrelevant. Because if he did, Gohan wouldn’t have destroyed the Kai planet in the first place.

Broly would not be a good guy.

Okay, Goku could not go LSS. That’s the whole point of it; there’s like one legendary super Saiyan ever 1000 years. While I personally don’t see Broly as a LSS himself, you obviously do, so we’ll go with that. By your own rules, there can only be one.

Consistently terrible spelling. It’s like I can just expect exactly how you will misspell these words now.

I don’t get why you keep randomly blowing up planets. Broly went LSS before and it didn’t blow anything up. Even if it did, that would probably kill Goku and Vegeta even if they could breathe in space.

A LSS’s power was, at most, about that of SS2. Obviously Vegeta can go much higher than that with his Super Saiyan 4.

This is all just plain stupid.

WTF random Piccolo first person.

I don’t see why anyone would think that the DRAGONBALL FUSED with Goku. Why they hell would they? I mean it’s not like he granted any wishes or anything.

If Gohan was on the Kai planet, Piccolo wouldn’t just know he was a kid again.

Goku never granted any wishes. Stop pretending that he did.

Piccolo was dead, too. So he shouldn’t even be there.

Besides that, there’s no point in even training Piccolo as he is far weaker than everyone else.

Not to mention, you never explained why the hell Gohan was training to begin with.

Terrible transitions; as there was supposed to be two years of training and then the next sentence it just happens… You don’t even say that two years have passed.

There was also no reason for me to believe that this was two years, or that significant training happened during this time, as you gave no inclination of such.

Randomly saying that Goku was gonna power up has no meaning at all. Why was he powering up? And to what level? Prease exprain these things.

Who are the young Z fighters? You never say their names.

So it’s just like a bunch of random unnamed Z fighters (maybe all those babies from KD) fighting the Ginyu force… due to your power creep there should be no fight here; obviously super Saiyans are stronger than some old Frieza Saga villains.

Green eyes… I don’t even know what that’s supposed to mean.

When typing dialogue, it’s usually helpful to us (the readers) to place the words in quotations “like this”. Try that, otherwise it’s just impossible to read.

There could not possibly be a black hole in the sky. If there was, every single person on earth would have immediately died.

Rohan vs. Guldo (I think that’s who he’s fighting, but since this is such a terrible story I could be way off) should have been no contest.

Guldo’s power level was like 8000 I think, and despite being the strongest villain of all time, Rohan should have had no problem with him.

The fights are completely horrid. I can’t even understand what’s going on in them. It’s just a mess.

Is Buma the name of another Vegeta spawn? Or is that actually Bulma fighting… with ki blasts?

The ginyu force were no threat. I don’t see why you are trying to make it all desperate. They should have been defeated in like two seconds, and we should have already been moving on in the story.

Owait, there is no story.

Why the hell would shooting ki blasts into a random black hole have anything to do with the hell villains (who were coming out of a portal below the earth…)?

Not to mention, if they really wanted to keep the hell villains out, Goku or Vegeta should have been able to do it alone. There’s no need to bring a bunch of useless fighters.

"So as Gohan got ready to make his move one of the villians came and attacked gohan behind gohan to the two boys to keep shot there special moves while he fights the bad guys"

- Unlimated’s Finest Work

No villain should give the Z fighters any trouble at all, except for maybe some of the later GT ones (I dunno, never watched GT myself). That’s why this whole “conflict” has no point.

Should prolly also mention that being named “Weak Saga” is a horrid idea. I mean I understand this is weak writing, but you shouldn’t try to tell new readers that…

Gohan isn’t a thing. Don’t say “On the gohan”

Stop with the Piccolo thoughts. They’re totally irrelevant. It’s just like “Why is Gohan lost? OMG what does it mean?!”… which obviously makes for terrible reading.

Piccolo wouldn’t get mad at Gohan like that.

Okay, I really don’t get why you don’t put periods for like 10 sentences in a row, and then will randomly put a couple in. You surely know how what they are and what they’re for… so use them, damnit.

Oh fuck. LSS 10. Right, that makes total sense.

And despite being a total stupid thing to say, Vegeta was right. It doesn’t make sense that Goku was suddenly a LSS… which is weaker than his Super Saiyan 4 form.

Well maybe LSS 10 is stronger, but who the hell knows…

Are you familiar with what a spellchecker is?

Gohan takes a rock and makes it into metal square block. I’m assuming that you have no idea what reality is, right? Right?!

Piccolo’s training was completely pointless.

Shut. The. Fuck. Up. About. Destiny.

Who is unlimated? And why would Piccolo help him?

Nail was already fused with Piccolo at this point. No, Nail can’t just come tomorrow and become a super namek 5.

But wait there’s more. Legendary Super Namek. OH THAT’S ORIGINAL.

Gohan has a random picture of this random unlimated guy.

Oh wait, you’ll explain it in time. That makes it all better.

And obviously unlimited is your favorite word, so you should prolly learn to spell it correctly.

How did Gohan randomly make a time chamber?

Not to mention, even having a time chamber like that (1 day = 1 year) is a massive ripoff from the actual show.

It’s you, not “u”. That’s incredibly annoying.

Another metal block will be placed. What does that even mean? Something stupid, I’m sure.

The thing with their clothes ripped at the top is so stupid. So unbelievably stupid. I know exactly what you’re trying to rip off with it, and it’s a poorer attempt than I thought was possible.

Piccolo was always way, way stronger than Nail. Not evenly matched, bro.

If they powered up to their max (Piccolo and Nail), then why did Gohan saying “try to power up more” have any effect?

I don’t see how the hell this Piccolo crap has anything to do with anything.

Oh yeah, unlock Piccolo’s power. What else are you gonna recolor?

I’m gonna say it again, but there is no future day where Piccolo and Nail fuse. They already fused in the namek saga.

That’s a great idea. Turn every single namekian into a Legendary Super Namek. Yeah, we all want that.

Gohan was already mystic Saiyan 10 in the prologue. There’s no reason why he should be trying to reach that level again.

Okay, if I read your sentence right, when Gohan transformed to Mystic Saiyan 10, he blew up 10 planets with shock waves and they were exploding. I think that’s what it was anyways.

If that transformation destroyed ten planets though, I don’t see how anyone could possibly be alive after it.

That stupid little bit about Goku breaking the fourth wall at the end of the second chapter is terrible.

And that horrid attempt at humor with Vegeta wasn’t any better.

"if my spelling is bad ill improve on it"

- Unlimated

Stop it with the false hope. It’s almost as annoying as this story.

I know this is something that practically everyone failed to grasp, but Broly is dead. Goku can’t just be training on random planets (for no reason) and run into him. He was in hell.

Broly couldn’t have survived either, so don’t pull that crap.

IMO, SS3 shouldn’t be stronger than SS5. I know you said LSS, but still.

Goku shouldn’t be a random SS5. Even if you explained it, I’m sure it would be a terrible explanation, so don’t bother with that.

Goku fusing with “me” is a big no no.

Stop switching POV.

Broly also couldn’t be alive because the Z fighters would have felt him training off planet. In addition, I don’t see how he could survive in the vacuum of space with no food or water for like 30ish years.

I don’t think it’s reasonable to wish for Broly to be a good guy.

Nor is it a good plot point.

How does the Namekian elder thinking about an (unnamed) legend mean anything?

It’s like you go into detail about stupid crap like that, and then completely ignore all fights, and just say they happened.

Not good enough.

If I haven’t mentioned it already, I’ll say it here; LSS isn’t a level based super Saiyan thing; it’s a level in and of itself. So that would be like saying that Goku went SS4 1-10. Yes, that doesn’t make sense.

That said, Goku and Vegeta reach LSS 1 and 2 far too quickly.

Everyone is overpowered. Everyone. That includes old Kai.

Ultimate Gohan would be far stronger than a LSS. Just saying, but his power shouldn’t feel “close to a LSS” it should feel far stronger. Far stronger. Like a zillion time stronger.

I can’t even read that bit about Gohan being missing. It makes absolutely no sense.

You can’t become a LSS. It’s something you’re born with, not something to reach (above ss4).

Obviously since Gohan/Goku/Vegeta were already training before this point, they would have felt each other’s powers.

The characters, therefore, act way too surprised when they feel each other at the end of chapter 3.

There’s no believability with this. At all.

“Next time : Hi Gohan” GTFO with that crap.

Okay, I better just get this out of the way right here:

Gohan is OOC.

Piccolo is OOC.

Nail is OOC.

Old Kai is OOC.

Broly is OOC (he wouldn’t have not tried to find Goku for 30+ years).

Vegeta is inconsistent. Sometimes he is OOC, but prolly the least OOC amongst your characters.

Okay, Gohan would not cry when seeing Goku/Vegeta.

Enough with Vegeta caring about why Gohan was on the planet. He wouldn’t care.

“ill finish the story later today” - Yeah, you shouldn’t have. You really, really shouldn’t have.

Vegeta and Goku being in shock. I swear, with these two, it’s like a leaf could blow in the wind and they would be in shock.

Did I mention the Gohan being a Kai is stupid as hell?

Piccolo was not hiding something. Don’t pretend he was.

Vegeta’s questions are about the stupidest part of this paragraph. I mean bitching that Gohan was too young to train Piccolo is as nonsensical as it is irrelevant.

This story is so slow. It’s been like 4 chapters waiting for this “unlimated” guy to come. And for what? To try and beat the Ginyu Force? Because that’s so necessary. None of the Z fighters could have done that themselves. Of course. You had to go and write this piece of shit to explain it. But I’m not mad. Promise.

Vegeta would not ask how strong Piccolo was. Obviously he could feel that himself.

“Why is Piccolo strong?!” “Cuz I train him” - basically sums up this fic.

It’s you, not “u”.

What the hell is sms 3?

M’kay, m’kay. First off, you said you were gonna explain why Piccolo needed to get stronger. Then you randomly have Gohan go “sms 3”, and that apparently explains it? And this is our future…

Oh, I get it. It wasn’t time for Piccolo to show his power. Right. That makes perfect sense.

Move the plot along. This is almost as boring as it is unreadable.

“elder kai said so u sense it to”

There’s no point for Goku/Gohan to be training random Z fighters again. I’m sure with your LSS 10/SMS 3/Mystic Saiyan 10 they can handle it themselves.

Stupid conversation between Goku and Gohan arguing over who will train the Z fighters. Seriously, no one cares. Just get some plot in here.

So then it happened. They trained them. Just like that. Wow that was a good read.

I don’t get why after training, they would then train again with Gohan.

Tien and Yamcha training all the people of earth… to use kai? You prolly meant “ki”, but that doesn’t make it any better. Because an army of 6 billion Vdels is what’ll win the fight. I’m sure.

I’m pretty sure Chi Chi, Bulma and Videl weren’t midgets… just saying.

That said, it’s an absolute horrid idea to have them use ki blasts. Videl was fine as a fighter in Z, but that was enough.

Okay, okay by this point, the hell portal is opened, the Z fighters were fighting the hell baddies… and what happened to that? Did that finish? If so I mean, what’s the point of all this training? I thought the random “unlimated” guy was a good guy.

So, that said, there has been no plot resolution; there has been no plot expansion; and above all else, there is no clarity in any sort of villain, or any sort of hero, nor any sort of purpose. It’s just babbling.

In chapter 4 Goku already trained everyone. So there’s no reason/point as to why they are all back on earth.

Rillan. Seriously, come up with more original names than that.

I don’t see what’s so hard about placing commas in the right place. It’s word, comma, space. Is that so hard?

Kayeto is a terrible name for Pan’s son.

Wtf… why is Broly with them?

Future Trunks, seriously? He went back to his own timeline a long time ago. You shouldn’t randomly bring him back without explanation.

A desserted planet is not feasible. I doubt all the goodies there would help in the Z fighters’ training too.

The earth people don’t know Gohan. He can’t have a reunion with them.

What purpose does Gohan explaining everything to Dende (which is like 5th explanation of what’s going on so far in the actual text) have? It seems like you’re doing every little thing besides moving the plot along.

Dende going to Tien has no relevance. I mean if he was gonna go with them, he would have left when they left.

Random reference picture holds no purpose at all.

Bulma is OOC.

Chi Chi is OOC.

Gohan being in kid form should make him weaker, btw. I know that should have probably been mentioned earlier, but there’s no way he could even be close to Goku’s level in that smaller body.

Stop having Gohan explain stuff.

100x gravity is nothing. Goku trained in that when his power level was like 80,000. They should be definitely training at least 250+, more likely at around 500 where Vegeta was at in the android sagas.

Gohan training Chi Chi and Bulma.

The other 3 Z fighters? Who are they?

Master Roshi is left keep track. It would prolly be better if you said what he was keeping track of. Generally when you say something, there should be a purpose to it.

I swear, this has got to be the worst fanon I have ever read. I know I say that every review, but this time I mean it.

I like how your fanon characters have no personality. Nor any purpose.

Which random planet did Gohan take Chi Chi to this time?

Obviously this caused another wave of shock, too.

Chi Chi wants to leave a house there? Every time I think you say the stupidest thing, Unlimated, you go and outdo yourself. Bravo, good sir.

Oh, but it’s not enough to have Chi Chi build a house there. No, no, no. You gotta have Bulma and Videl do that too.

It’s like the bible with these girls. “Chi Chi wanted a house so it happened”.

How can you possibly think any of this is a good idea?

Oh wow Gohan is shocked now. That’s surprising.

… Chiaotzu getting taller and buffer.

Oh gawd, that whole block of text in chapter 6 was far too much. There’s an enter key on your keyboard, I’m sure of it. Try using it. It’ll be good practice for when you start practicing using the period key.

“pt2 comeing soon” - Thanks for the insight.

“What every” seems like ineffective training for the moms.

There’s no reason to be training in the time chamber again. And besides, if Gohan could make a time chamber, he should be able to make it whatever he wanted. Like 1 day = 700 years. That seems just perfect for this story, too.

Who are the two unnamed Z fighters with Gohan?

The stupid sword/whatever you want it to be thing

Goku fireing his greatest blasts. Like that would be useful at all.

If Goku fired his strongest blast into the three Saiyan children, it would kill them. No arguing. They can’t even go Super Saiyan, so obviously they’re weak as hell.

Turning your fanon characters into Super Saiyans. Especially the way you did it.

What the heck is a “redectied”

Okay, Rohan, Buma, and Gochan are all way overpowered. In their Super Saiyan forms they should not be able to handle Goku’s strongest blast. They shouldn’t even be alive.

Not to mention, Goku is now finally OOC. He would never have tried to kill those young Saiyans, nor would he have let Vegeta do such a thing.

Rohan wishing for Gohan.

Gohan actually responding to this. Clichéd beyond belief.

Rohan going Super Saiyan 2. That is so incredibly disrespectful to Dragon Ball canon.

Ultimate Super Saiyan 2.

Gohan was not an ultimate Super Saiyan 2 against Cell. Don’t say stupid false stuff like that.

Gohan coming to get Rohan was stupid.

And that smoke stuff… it hold no purpose.

Obviously Goku and Vegeta could sense Gohan there, they wouldn’t have to see him.

Rohan’s perhaps more overpowered than Gohan. And that’s saying something.

Goku would not have thought Rohan was blown up. He would have sensed if such a thing happened.

Oh but then Goku realizes it…. So why even say that he thought Rohan was dead in the first place? Is that seriously your best attempt at drama?

Rohan being unable to power down.

The moms being mad at every little thing is annoying.

Chi Chi saying to put him in the house.

Wasting more time with all this crap. There has yet to be a plot development in the past 5 or so chapters.

Random Kai entrance.

I don’t see how Gohan knows instant transmission.

IDK, but I never got the impression that SS3 almost destroyed planets. Earth seemed fine when Goku used that form.

Rohan SS3.

Vegeta would not go see Rohan. He wouldn’t even care.

I like how Gohan was talking to Vegeta and Vegeta suddenly became Goku.

Stupid “hold his hand” crap.

Goku wouldn’t say why in that situation.

And stop having Gohan spend hours explaining everything.

From simply going SS3, the planet shouldn’t be halfway in pieces.

For how Rohan was powered down, I can say I was severely under whelmed.

I guess that warranted Goku and Vegeta being shocked again though.

So Rohan went SS3, but Gohan says “no he didn’t”? Why did you even bother typing that crap up?

Gohan doesn’t have the power to restore planets.

Gohan doesn’t have the power to lock Rohan’s power away.

And they’re shocked again…

Once again, Vegeta should not be saying those lines. His persona doesn’t care about the other Saiyans, that’s what you’re forgetting.

Stop overpowering.

There’s no reason why everyone isn’t training together. More importantly why Gohan isn’t training with Goku.

“gohan then realised that chi chi was young cause of goku on the goku was on”

So Chi Chi is young again too? I’m glad to see you’re talking about the important stuff. And explaining it too!

“sorry some spelling is wrong”

The fact that you know it’s bad and yet you still posted it only adds to this long list, bro.

Oh and I’m glad to see training Chi Chi and Bulma and whatnot has really paid off.

The concept of Rohan even having a hidden power is BS.

Once again, I will ask “Who are the two other Z fighters”? You purposefully go out of your way to call them that several times, why not just call them by their names? I’m sure that would be much easier.

I’m so sick and tired of everyone asking what happened. It’s like half this story is just explaining what happened in the other half, when nothing happened in the other half.

Gohan was being super rude when he didn’t explain what happened to Rohan.

SMS

I’d think after like 5 straight chapters of pure training, you’d be able to show off a little bit of that training, or at least explain some of the fights and whatnot. It’s just like “and it happened” whenever they train.

It’s getting really annoying when all that you’re doing is switching between the two planets. Sure, we get it. Everyone’s training. Just get on with the story.

Gochan grabbed a wave wtf.

Gochan is incredibly overpowered. No way he should be a Super Saiyan 2.

There is no personality to Gochan.

Oh, and he shouldn’t be a Legendary Super Saiyan either. It’s not legendary at all if everyone can just reach it like that.

Not enough happened in chapter 7; while too much happened in chapter 6. You need to be more consistent with chapter lengths.

Buma’s thoughts to herself are incomprehensible.

Buma’s a boy? I thought it was a girl. It’s a very girly name, by the way.

Buma’s transformation into LSS was very lacking. It was just “I’m useless unless I’m a LSS” and then he transformed.

Screw that crap.

Vegeta is stronger than Gochan. Don’t go and spend a whole chapter trying to explain that.

You completely ignore the opportunity to describe any fights. That is something that could have slightly lessened my boredom.

Goku wishing for a new chamber.

… as if he could wish for anything anyway.

And a horribly inane wish it was.

There’s no reason the dragon should appear on planet namek. Goku was on planet dessert, if I remember correctly.

Oh, hold the presses, the elder namekian is wondering again.

If Goku and all his friends are just gonna play around in the time chamber, I don’t see why Gohan and his gang arent’ training with Goku. They’re doing the same stuff after all.

“gochan and buma were so excited that when they went on the floor they fell”

Broly training with Future Trunks.

Call him Future Trunks, not F trunks.

Exactly like the one on earth? The one what?

They began training? Then what have been doing up to this point? I could have sworn training is all has happened in this entire story.

And pointless training, might I add.

Trunks and Broly wouldn’t stare and smile at each other.

Which means Future Trunks is OOC.

Vegeta shouldn’t be with Trunks.

Future Trunks’ dialogue is nonsensical.

Future Trunks shouldn’t be a SS5.

There shouldn’t be a SS5 to begin with.

He also shouldn’t be a LSS.

So then Gochan and Buma go LSS for no reason.

So then Goten and Trunks go LSS for no reason.

So then Goku and Vegeta go LSS for no reason.

So then Krillin and his son watch for no reason.

I’m so glad you explain all these fights.

As I’ve said before, this LSS level is too easy for everyone to reach. It’s not legendary in the slightest.

It’s incredibly out of universe for Piccolo to jump into the middle of Gohan. Not to mention, that would be very painful.

Oh yes, the two other Z fighters. I’m so glad we know who they are.

Rohan shouldn’t have the sms1 form.

Bah, super human form. Get out.

Piccolo had a shocking face.

Gohan asking Piccolo what he was doing there. I’m pretty sure this was already covered like 5 chapters back.

Oh boy, Nail comes with all the namekians.

Yes, Piccolo definitely needs to train more.

I can see that the namekians are already being put to good use by saying that Piccolo’s power is great.

All of Piccolo’s ultimate forms.

The other namekians aren’t strong enough to go super Namek.

Nor should they go ultimate Namek, or whatever other ungodly level you gave to Piccolo before.

Once again, they train.

Once again, you don’t describe it.

Again with the metal blocks?

It’s funny but stupid how Gohan acts like a drill instructor and dictates all the levels of training. Specially with like level 2 for his super advanced students. I wonder if they’ll have to carry two metal blocks under that regiment.

New guys whispering about things they couldn’t possibly have known.

The entire training with the metal blocks is pretty useless.

There are no girl Namekians. There are not boy Namekians either.

Gohan in his kid form shouldn’t be strong enough to take on all of these fighters. Specially the overpowered Rohan.

Not enough happens in these chapters. You spend all your time talking about the stupid little things like the new guys whispering and never take the time to actually show what it is that they are doing. Wish you would show what they were doing, in detail.

2 more months of training. I swear, you should have prolly just said that from the beginning.

Piccolo ascended to another unnamed transformation.

Namekians doing the fusion dance.

There’s no character development.

There is no sense of graduality.

Gohan can’t make earrings.

The namekians are too weak to add power to the Z fighters. There’s no point in having them train.

Unlimated the namek is just stupid. His random entrance was pretty bad, too.

He’s way overpowered too.

Stop blowing up planets.

And stop having Gohan restore them. He doesn’t have that power ‘you dumy’.

If Unlimated’s power was only half of a SS5, then he’s not that powerful. Stop saying he is.

Tien is far too powerful.

Chiaotzu is far too powerful.

The thing about Piccolo realizing Gohan was hiding his power, or whatever.

Rohan being as useless as ever but still being the strongest. He truly is Gohan’s son.

They all leave too abruptly.

It especially doesn’t make sense for why Nail and the other namekians go back to namek. Don’t they all have to go back to earth to fight some bad guy? Or was all this training done “just because”?

“gohan just had a supices smile”

I’m assuming Goku’s training is done too? You never said so.

Seriously, nothing happens in these chapters. There’s no structure.

Going out of your way to say both of the groups clothes were destroyed, yet not going into detail about anything else at all.

Goku having the same supices smile.

Are they ready for what? It would help if you explained some of these things.

You never explained how everyone got back to earth. Due to it happening instantly, I’m assuming instant transmission. Which is, of course, not something that everyone should be able to do.

You are making Rohan too important, for no reason.

Okay, so now Rohan can randomly power up again?

It’s so annoying how you keep saying that ss transformations will blow up planets.

Rohan shouldn’t be able to go sms2... whatever that is.

Gochan as LSS3. Way overpowered.

Buma as a LSS3 (assumed) is way overpowered.

Leaving earth again, just as they get back. I mean what was the point in coming back at all then?

Reusing the old plot point of having the villains trying to get out of hell.

But how?

Cell creating dragon balls was just plain stupid.

I hate it how you said the same thing twice in a row. We get it, Cell has Piccolo’s cells. That’s how he’ll create dragon balls. You don’t need to say it twice.

Splitting the weakest from the strongest… wtf?

Strongest in private? What?!

“The Plan has begun are the Z fighters ready for the evil that awaits them”

How can the evil await them, if they all just left the planet? That don’t make sense.

Pro tip: 2 months is not equal to 2 years.

I don’t see how this fight is suspenseful at all. First off, you spent 10 chapters having the Z fighters train. Obviously now, they are way, way stronger than any of the hell villains. SS5 (and all those other stronger transformations) should easily be able to overpower any villain, even omega shenron. That said, there’s like 10 z fighters with this power so even if the hell fighters are even close to equaling the power, the z fighters could just fuse.

In addition, Goku and the gang could just go into hell and challenge the villains there. If need be, they could always kill them, so that this didn’t have to happen at all.

Closing Thoughts: Basicially this story was 10 chapters of the Z fighters training again to refight Frieza and Cell. Then they reached ungodly new levels of Super Saiyan (LSS3, Mystic Saiyan 10, SMS 2), as if those levels were needed to beat the villains. Above all else, there wasn’t actually any resolution, as no fight was posted. But, judging by how he had written fights up to this point, it prolly wouldn’t ever happen. Overall, I find this to be the worst fanon on the site, and am truly glad that Unlimated did not post a chapter 12.

Final Rating: I can’t even give this an E- as that would disgrace the other E- stories. No, this story is way worse than anything else out there. Whatever it is, it’s worse than an E-.

INTERNET CONNECTION
pros

Decent writing abilities.

Interesting bit with the online talking.

I like the name, being a pun.

The thing with the randomly mean woman I found funny.

cons

I know you didn’t want me to call Vegeta OOC, but he is; and this is a problem because I cannot connect to the character of him, as Vegeta. I don’t see him AS VEGETA. I know it was intended, but it just didn’t work, IMO.

Bulma is also a bit out of how she would act.

I’m not too sure about the whole Frieza thing. And Vegeta seemed to eager to give Bulma to him. In addition, I think Vegeta’s change of heart was too abrupt.

Much of this story is out of universe, and therefore it would be quite easy to replace Bulma’s/Vegeta’s names with anybody else.

I didn’t much fancy Goku’s extreme character change in this story.

Closing Thoughts: While clearly a well-written story, and a good show of “something new”, I personally did not like this story. That’s not to say it isn’t good; it is decent, to those who it is catered to. I just, myself, did not like the OOC or OOU that much. However, I look forward to your other fics, as you are one of the few true talented writers on this site. Please write more!

Final Rating: E-

MDBS
pros

None to be found.

cons

Stupid movie titles (ie: the invincible golak…. Way to spoil it for me, ya poopyhead)

Begins too abruptly.

Golak as a name for a Saiyan makes no sense. Sounds stupid, too.

Terrible grammar.

Turrible, terrible spelling.

Golak’s power level is too low. It’s too much like Goku’s.

Gah, terribly lazy explanation for how Raditz dies.

I don’t get how Golak gets shipped off to a random planet after Goku defeats all the enemies in Z. Seriously, it’s incoherent.

Stupid that Golak would go to hell to visit his father. How could he even know he was in Hell? Or what hell was? It doesn’t seem like he was actually raised by anyone, so he shouldn’t know anything.

Okay, okay. How did Golak get to earth? That’s ridiculous that he was just “in the neighborhood” and caught onto the hell portal being opened. Oh and that he just so happened to know that his father was in there. What an asspull.

But wait, there’s more! Apparently, Golak is such a Stu that he can go SS5 just like that, bypassing any and all other forms before it. That’s just genius writing.

Super stupid that he learned every move from every person in hell. No way would any of them bother teaching a random Saiyan all their moves.

Golak shouldn’t be able to use instant transmission. That’s super overpowered.

You should try to make paragraphs longer than 1 sentence.

I find the pictures very distracting, considering the way that you write.

Dunno how golak could find Yamcha to begin with. Nor does it make sense that Yamcha would comply with that most ridiculous of requests.

First off, since there’s no way that Golak should be able to sense ki, or conceal his own, the Z fighters should have already been able to feel his presence, while he trained; and as soon as he got to earth, they should have known.

Did I mention Golak is overpowered?

I doubt Tien, Chiaotzu, or Krillin would fight Golak. Particularly Krillin, because he is retired. I also think it’s kinda stupid that he kills them all so easily.

Okay, then killing Gohan, Uub, and the others is just ridiculous. These guys are super powerful, and for Golak to just kill them with one hit each in HIS BASE FORM is far, far too much.

Randomly having Kibito Kai show up. And then his “advice”, which was wholly unneeded.

Oh jeez, then gotenks goes SS3 and gets killed? WTF is this crap?

The fights are pretty much nonexistent, you just say that “someone died”. That makes for boring reading.

Trying to replicate the death of Raditz, by killing Kibito Kai. That was stupid. Oh, and in addition, Golak using instant transmission there was so clichéd.

Killing Piccolo.

Using the spirit bomb was kinda weird, but not that bad in and of itself except for that it didn’t even effect Golak. You’re making this fanon character way too godlike. It’s not interesting at all.

Oh my fukkin gawd… what the hell? The bit about Golak going SS5 against SS4 Gogeta AND WINNING is utterly stupid. It makes no sense how a single Saiyan can beat two Saiyans, who are far more powerful than him. Completely BS.

Oh and then he knows all their moves right? Solar Flare, instant transmission, and then to top it all off… a spirit bomb. Oh yeah and Golak wins. Talk about godmodding. Terrible story, man.

The next story in this page is “Baby Kid Buu The Ultimate Horror”, which just sounds like a horrid idea.

Random entrance to the next story is confusing. I recommend you try to give a little backstory in these movies. It could help me, the reader, to know when this is taking place (I’m assuming GT, but I have no idea).

Baby Vegeta seeing the evil inside Uub is terrible and unexplained. Please explain things like this.

You don’t explain how the evil is unleashed in Uub, nor how Kid Buu is born again.

Baby possessing Kid Buu is actually not that bad o’ an idea, but it was just done poorly here.

It would work better for the story, and be a lot less boring, if you were to go into more detail of your fights.

Tien and Yamcha should not have fused. And it makes little sense, plot-wise, on impact as they are killed like a sentence later.

Too much reliance on senzu beans.

Goten and Trunks dying is, as said with Tien, to abrupt and therefore loses any impact.

Same with Gohan dying.

The thing with talking to Kid Buu to change back into Uub was a lazy plot point.

The ending was far too rushed, of the second movie.

The entire of the ultimate android WAS already done with Cell. That said, giving him only the power of a SS3 is much too low. They know that everyone can go SS4, and fuse to be even stronger, so the creation should have been made to be stronger than all that. Not that that’s possible, but still…

You have incorrect formatting on dialogue. Use quotations marks “like this” whenever someone speaks, and create a new paragraph every time they do.

The plot of the third movie makes little sense; it also makes little sense that the android could get away with killing off the Z fighters one by one, without the others knowing.

Your android is OP.

The third story is written so poorly, it is nigh impossible to tell what is going on.

If the android ran, Vegeta would have chased him.

Piccolo is far too strong.

The random mentioning of Gotenks (SS3) and Krillin.

“He's he's regenerateing but how he is an Andriod Not a Buu!”

Kid Goten going SS3 randomly in the middle of his fight.

Fight scenes are incoherent.

The defeat of the ultimate android was terrible. Pretty useless story, too.

Closing Thoughts: The great variance between fight, after fight, after SS4 Gogeta-induced fight, coupled with the lack of any plot in ANY of these stories has lead me to see that this is indeed one of the worst stories on this site. I’m glad it’s not that long.

Final rating: E-

THE SWETTY REVIEWS
(this was requested of me to review; I’m not exactly sure how to review it, so I’ll be mainly looking at reviews of my stories)

pros

A good amount of reviews. Reviews are updated on a semi-regular basis, which is about all you can ask from anyone with these kinds of things.

cons

Unlike other reviews, such as by DD, or even (occasionally) by Hyper Zergling, these reviews were of little help to, as far as improvement goes.

The purpose of that review blog, should be first and foremost, to help the author realize how to improve; and most of the reviews (at least the ones of my multitude of stories) do little on this front. Sure, even in my reviews, I get picky and point out little cons (many, many of them, actually), but I think this is balanced out enough with showing the author exactly what needs to be improved. This blog, in that respect, fails. I’ve found little be gained from the cons list, or having to post, at great length for requests of clarifications; the cons list is just to vague that way.

Terrible, terrible rating system; it leaves much to be desired, and is pretty contradictory in and of itself, when the author will give ratings that don't necesssarily reflect his actual opinion. It's also necessary to note that this rating system is confusing for gauging how good an actual story is, when practically every one of them is given like an 8 or 9, and your "favorite story of all time" is only a 9.5.

The terribly shitty review of KC.

For example, outside of my own, the reviews of, say, Depiction in Red, Why Bother?, even Yu Yu Hakusho Z were done lazily; and were I the author of any of them, I’d look at that, and see that it’s basically useless, being no help at all. And generally, when saying something is “the best thing I’ve ever read”, it should be rating-appropriate.

When the author of the blog just outright gives terrible advice, like on his review of Slaved, it will only hurt new users, such as that author, from writing generally good fanons in the future. And let’s face it, who’s giving the advice here? And should he really be?

Final Thoughts: It's always good to have users review stories; however this blog, IMO, is prolly one of the weakest as far as generating actual help goes. I would place it below DD's, HZ's, and NM's guides, respectively.

ALTO PICCOLO
pros

Alto’s personality is decent. It’s kinda cool to see Piccolo as a father, and to see how his son would act around him. I dunno, I just find that to be pretty good.

I don’t have much else to say about him, other than I find him just somewhat curious; and I would like to his character expanded.

cons

Don’t like that the only reason Piccolo had a son was to prevent his race from going extinct. I don’t think he would have agreed to such a thing anyways.

I don’t think that Alto should be more powerful than his dad, nor do I think it should be possible for Piccolo to create something stronger than himself. It could help his character maybe if he was weaker, and thus had to try and prove himself to Piccolo like that.

Alto’s creation doesn’t make sense. Piccolo was only on Namek for a very short time, and during that time he was basically shown to go straight to Nail and then to Frieza; so there would be no time to have created Alto there.

There’s no good explanation for why Alto went to New Planet Namek instead of staying with his father. Because staying with his father would be the inherent, logical move.

Alto’s power level is too low to do anything against Android 18. At the same time, perhaps paradoxically, he’s overpowered in the sense that he could even take on Android 18 so easily, while others, like Vegeta and Piccolo couldn’t.

He is far too strong again in his fight against the Cell jrs. And Gohan killed them all, not him, making this story NCF.

You should have explained why he didn’t fight Cell.

Having him survive Buu’s destruction of the Earth is not bad in and of itself, but you didn’t explain it at all. Also, since he was a fighter; he prolly shouldn’t have left on his own; and instead should have tried to take on Buu.

The thing with trying to kill Gohan seems OOC for Alto, especially since he apologized and seemed fine about everything after the Cell Saga. You also gave no resolution to this plot point, which I think needs to happen.

The entire bit about GT has nothing to do with Alto Piccolo and should not be in his history section.

Closing Thoughts: There’s not enough plot to Alto’s being. Basically the few times you have him do anything are direct canon breaches and cannot be considered; the other times, he is simply on Namek, or god knows where else. I think this character has promise, but could really use some greater plot of his own, out of what the Z fighters do, as he is wholly tied by them. Write some stuff about his off-planet escapades, and character growth and whatnot, and he will be a much better fanon character.

Final Rating: C

DRAGON BALL Z: IN REQUIEM
(this story is one that I have written that was also requested for me to review; I will try to review without bias, though I cannot guarantee that none will be present; I will not give my own stories a rating)

pros

How the power was ripped from Buu I found quite interesting.

I liked that Buu didn’t understand it when he wasn’t in control any more and had a temper tantrum. That’s like so in character.

Using Baba as such a main character is interesting. Same goes for Babidi.

Good spelling, grammar, and prose.

The words are vividly descriptive, I like that a lot.

The entire candy shop scene. I think that’s my favorite chapter. Because chocolate really is king.

Like the reference to Ledas.

The fight scene was pretty good.

I like Majin Buu clawing out Goku’s throat.

What happened to Buu, I think was fascinating; especially the bit about him being sealed up in his ball again; it was also pretty good how the author explained that Uub still had like a “memory” or sommat like that of Buu, sort of as if Buu had never really left.

I like that the resolution at the end of the story wasn’t the clichéd one, in that the enemy was defeated.

The poem at the end is, quite simply, a piece of genius (okay, maybe that was a little biased)

cons

I think there was too much time spent on the actual stuff that happened in the anime (chapter 1 of IR) and too little of your own

Story progresses a little slow at first; ie how it takes Buu 3 chapters to get back to Earth.

Too coincidental that Goku was training Uub on the same place where Buu and Baba was.

Author mentions Buu’s insanity too much. We get it, we get it.

Yemma’s thing with Babidi was kinda poorly thought out, because Yemma gave Babidi his life back, for really nothing. Yemma isn’t even in the story after that, so why did he give in?

Goku seemed a bit too desperate at the end of chapter 8.

WERE IT SO EASY (LEGACIES EPISODE)
(this story is one that I have written that was also requested for me to review; I will try to review without bias, though I cannot guarantee that none will be present; I will not give my own stories a rating)

pros

Good spelling, grammar, all that stuff…

Interesting character development for TB.

I like how the author explains why Earth was not conquered at this point; even though it was in Frieza’s part of the galaxy;

The deaths were done in good detail.

I like the “for no name would suit him” bit.

cons

A bit rushed, particularly at the end.

There wasn’t really a good enough explanation for why TB fled from the humans, who were much weaker than him.

I think there should have been a little more explanation for why he wouldn’t kill kids.

He acts too much like predator in his kill methods and ways of observation.

This story has basically nothing to do with DBZ, except for that one mention of Frieza before. I think it could have prolly been tied in a little better to the universe.

DRAGON BALL NEW AGE
(note: I am reviewing the posted text on this site, not the externally linked manga/whatever it is)

pros

The artwork is decent; the older stuff really isn’t that good at all, but your newer stuff is pretty good.

cons

Alternate timeline is fine; however, your explanation for not using the Spirit Bomb against Omega Shenron, as well as having Goku die from that is poorly explained/thought out.

The black dragon balls are a horribly recolored plot point from GT itself. Not to mention, these dragon balls create numerous, numerous plot holes (even if this is AU), not least of which, why they were never found before; and why they were now found so easily. In addition, they act as a terrible plot device in and of themselves, to wish back Goku and Piccolo. So first off, you kill someone unnecessarily (Goku) and then wish him back, and then you randomly wish back Piccolo, who wanted to remain dead. It just doesn’t work.

Making everyone slightly younger holds no purpose.

Grammar and tense usage are subpar. I’d recommend you write in the past tense, as it’s very awkward to read in present tense.

The usage of dialogue in this story is really quite poorly done. You just go and say “and vegeta said this and vegeta said that” without using any actual dialogue. That does not make for good reading.

I don’t even know who the Saiyan is that has a power greater than Omega Shenron, but that doesn’t matter. Because it’s overpowered. Way, way overpowered. No villain, especially a Saiyan, should be stronger than Omega Shenron; and it comes off as a terribly thought out OC.

The male Saiyan should not be able to sense ki without an explanation. And you give none.

“Goku and the others sense the massive energy, mentioning its similar feeling to Vegeta, but the primal savageness that accompanies it” - is just absolutely horrid writing.

Your writing is also pretty confusing;

“The energy released is so massive that even those on the Lookout feel it” - if anyone was even in the galaxy with Omega Shenron’s power, the Z fighters would feel it. That sentence is basically ignoring the pre-existing canon of ki sensing.

Both Goku and Majuub don’t need to stay behind for senzu beans. That’s idiotic and illogical.

“The chapter ends with the male Saiyan revealing to Vegeta that he is his brother. “ - just another example of poor/lazy writing. This also destroys any sense of suspense and buildup, that you were trying to get at.

Rigor as a name is terrible. Sure it’s based on a vegetable, but that’s not good enough seeing as it’s Vegeta’s brother. You need it to be a reference somehow on the word vegetable itself.

Okay, so Rigor was born with a power level of 550,000. K. That’s 55x as strong as what THE LEGENDARY SUPER SAIYAN, Broly, was born with. That’s incredible overpowering and needs to be reworked or removed immediately.

You recolor too much; now this time with King Vegeta trying to kill his son like he did with Broly. Come up with your own stuff man.

Rigor is such a characterless, overpowered character. You seriously want to tell me that he can take on Vegeta (who is a SS4) in his base form? I can’t take this kind of bad writing seriously any more. I was trying to give helpful advice before, but I can see this is just a hopeless piece of garbage.

There is too little substance happening in each chapter; Chapters 1-3 could have easily been combined.

This story, overall, has too little plot. You could easily take time to have Vegeta and Rigor have some meaningful dialogue, specially considering their brothers. Oh, and you don’t mention why Rigor is attacking in the first place, nor how he even found earth, so yeah, there’s a ton you could have done to lessen the crap.

Goten SS1 can, in no way, throw away Rigor, when Vegeta SS4 could not. This just shows that you have a lacking understanding of how Super Saiyan levels progress.

Piccolo is by far the weakest fighter vs. Rigor. It’s beyond me how you would have his attack be the only thing that does any damage.

Vegeta needing one minute to charge up an attack while the others wait, is basically what happened in DBZ several times before. Stop recoloring, and come up with your own fight sequences. Seriously, copying is about the most boring thing you can do, because I could just as easily watch this in the (better) anime.

Chapter 6 randomly has Goku at the fight now, with no explanation.

Wow. Rigor is more powerful than 2 SS4s attacking him at once. Dude, seriously, this is pathetic.

Old Kai knowing about Rigor.

Having Super Saiyan 5 at all.

There is no explanation for why Rigor has a wife, why she is a Saiyan, nor why her power level is so high.

Demon Buu is a rehashed character; that is not good at all. Come up with your own stuff.

Your explanation for Ambient is incoherent as well as NCF. Kid Buu doesn’t exist in GT, nor later.

If Ambient was so powerful, absorbing DBZ start Vegeta should have very little impact on his strength; and he shouldn’t need to absorb him to beat Nappa and Goku. Once again, this is an example of just pure ignorance of DBZ powers.

Your entire story of Krillin/Gohan in the future is a complete ripoff, once again, from the show. This time you are stealing the plot of the Future Trunks special.

Gohan should not be powerful enough to escape Demon Buu.

Future kid Gohan becoming a Super Saiyan was, predictably, terribly though out.

Rigor’s children are very overpowered. “He wasn’t very powerful, he was only a Super Saiyan 2” shows your complete delusion of DBZ powers.

Unexplained mutant Saiyan DNA for that one Rigor spawn.

Oh yeah, and I love that his SS2 = Goku’s/Vegeta’s SS4. What a bunch of horseshit.

Rigor spawn #1 falling in love for 18. That’s nice, but it’s OOC to have 18 fall in love with him. So bam, don’t do that.

I like how the second spawn is as powerful as Gohan, who is like the most powerful Z fighter.

Don’t like that you have a ton of female Saiyans, and none fight. That’s so clichéd.

Okay, ketchup… terrible name aside, is once again overpowered. I don’t get why you keep making up a bunch of random villains who are super powerful, and have them come to earth to kill the Saiyans… for no reason.

Maybe it wasn’t meant this way, but all your little author notes (specially the one about this story having tons of fans and being the “spiritual successor” to DBZ) just comes off as arrogant on your part. This story isn’t any good anyways, so there’s no reason to be arrogant.

Ketchup’s race is a recolor of the Tuffles.

Okay that’s it, I’m not going further into this story. I can see the pattern of recoloring DBZ plot and characters/no idea of power levels/rampant overpowering is just going to continue and me giving 50 more cons about that will just be redundant.

Closing Thoughts: Rigor is a terrible character, simply put. He is overpowered, has no personality, and has a random Saiyan wife FOR NO REASON. There is no explanation for his power, and there is little explanation for everything else. There is no character development; there is basically no dialogue, no plot whatsoever, and the fights are barely described. The writing style is subpar to what it should be, and the grammar is below average. So what we get here is something which appeals to no one (or should, at least). And that’s okay, because no one should be reading this. Once again, like other terrible mangas (Dragon Ball AF, Dragon Ball Multiverse), this story has great artwork, and that’s about it. It has no redeeming qualities otherwise and I do not recommend anyone read this story.

Final Rating: E-

SCREWED (LEGACIES EPISODE)
pros

I like the names you came up for 17 and 18. 17, particularly.

The story is unique, I'll give you that.

cons

Style of writing is wholly uninteresting and mediocre.

Grammar is inconsistent, and it makes it hard to understand your writing sometimes.

Goku never fought the red ribbon army when it was raining. That’s non canon friendly.

The bit about naming him android 19 instead of android 9 is pretty funny. However, it really makes no sense.

I think Gero’s dialogue is pretty bland.

Goku was too brutal against Gero. OOC.

Gero survive’s too much stuff. He should have died from all you did to him.

Goku is too cheerful in his greeting to Gero. Especially since he just tried to kill the good doctor in such a terrible way.

Very minor con, but I find it annoying how you randomly capitalize words.

The swearing is really unnecessary.

Gero created his android body, not Dr. Briefs. I don’t like that you changed canon for that.

Dr. Briefs wouldn’t equip Gero with weapons either.

That whole thing about Vegeta having a huge ass. Oh and him farting too.

Vegeta is OOC.

The entire ending is rushed and makes no sense.

Closing Thoughts: This story is, at best, below average. It does little to expand upon how Gero made androids 17 and 18, and more importantly, it does little to present Gero’s life in a meaningful way. Most of the interesting bits (like the creating of his android body, or the creating of 17 and 18’s bodies) are never shown. This story would be much better had those plot points been added in.

Final Rating: E-

HZ'S REVIEWS
pros

Occassional interesting perspective.

Good organization of reviews.

cons

Reviews are written with little thought or care. I doubt that HZ puts much effort into any of them. He may as well not do reviews, if all's he's gonna do is 1 pro/1 con. This is mostly evident in "good stories", as HZ still puts a lot of cons for bad ones.

Ratings system is very vague. I can see many stories with the same rating, that are not close to each other at all, in quality.

Closing Thoughts: Not much to add here. I like HZ's reviews, but he doesn't put enough effort into them. If he did, I'm sure they would be a lot better and way more of a help to the authors.

THE EXTREME REVIEWS
pros

Decent insight.

cons

Pros and cons alike could use more explanations. A lot of them seem random to me. Like in your review of Ground up with "Cooler seems too weak ". Just stuff like that either doesn't make sense, or could use much more clarity.

I think you could easily give longer thoughts to each story you review.

Your ratings system is too small, which means that a lot of stories will end up with the same rating. You should expand it to having more options and grades.

I'm not a fan of ratings systems that use like "DB, DBZ, GT, AF", just because it's confusing and have to check the top each time to see what each rating really is.

Closing Thoughts: Another decent review. However, it could be much better if the reviewer put more time into his reviews, and gave more detail in what he thought was good and bad.

SONIK'S REVIEWS
pros

Really good explanations for your opinions.

I like that you do closing comments.

Easy to understand ratings system.

cons

While i just said you have realy good explanations for your opinions, I think several cons could use clarification, like with your stuff in IR about Buu crying.

And though you have an easy to understand ratings system, I'm not sure if any of your reviews really follow that system. Just seems a bit weird that your favorite story is only an S-. And that you say these are "amazing stories", yet it seems like the ratings are a little low. That's just in my opinion.

Closing Thoughts: One of the more helpful review blogs out there. Sonikfan really puts a lot of effort into expressing his opinion and I like that long time. I don't have much else to say. This review blog is very good in my opinion.

D-DISK REVIEWS
pros

The reviews of horrible stories are among the most entertaining things on this site.

I like how well the author expresses his opinion. It's really clear.

Of my stories, particularly the reviews of Slaved and Sixth, I found the reviews to be extremely helpful to me. That's prolly my favorite part of this blog, that most others don't seem to be able to do quite as well.

Finally, I get a review of KC, as it should be. ;)

cons

I know you said this wasn't the case, but I still dunno about your review of IR. I don't know if I believe that you think there aren't any cons in it.

I think reviews should be updated a little more frequently. I understand personal life stuff can get in the way, but the stories you still have to review aren't that long... and you're not really doing much else on the wiki...

Closing Thoughts: This is a great review blog, prolly one of the better ones. I think DD does a great job of articulating his opinion, whilst managing to keep a civil tone. It's really, super helpful and stuff.

RAGING BLAST'S USERPAGE
pros

I find it funny that your userpage has nothing to do with you.

cons

That said, its content is just a great collection of babbling nonsense.

Tricksey and false, too.

And I think that putting that on your userpage is pretty irrelevant cuz no one will see that before entering the wiki.

And if people did see it, I'm sure (I know I would) just find the random ramblings of raging blast to be really weird.

Closing Thoughts: I really havve very little opinion of this page. It's RB's page and he can do whatever he wants with it. However, I don't think it serves any purpose.

I CURSE THE DAY
pros

Fantastic writing prose. I really like the detail you put into your words.

I like the fight scene with Vegeta and the bots.

Vegeta dealing with his emotions the way he does is a very good part of this story. I like that he can’t deal with even the thought of loving Bulma, since that would make him “weak”.

I found it interesting, Vegeta’s thoughts about his childhood.

You really pulled off this story well. Usually, I'm not a fan of these kinds of stories (and let's face it, I'm still not), but you managed to make me like this story, even though I did not like the genre. This is what makes me think that you are a truly great writer; that you can make me like a story that I would otherwise hate, only because of your skill in writing it.

cons

Vegeta is at times out of character, such as when he says “Dear Kami, it’s cold.”

I also personally find the repeated use of the word Kami in place of god to be strange and annoying. It took me much longer to read this story because of that.

The conversation between Vegeta and Bulma at the start of the second chapter is something I really, really don’t like. I really don’t think Vegeta would even engage her in conversation unless it was for something practical, like fixing his GTU in the last chapter. They sound completely out of character at the beginning of the second chapter.

I find the constant lyrics to be interesting, but I think there’s far too many and it comes off as a bother to me. Especially in chapter 5, where I think there were 30+ lines of them.

There are occasional grammatical slip ups, usually with commas, but they are uncommon.

I don’t like that you said Vegeta’s mother died in childbirth, as this completely glosses over the fact that Tarble was alive, as Vegeta’s younger brother.

I think dialogue as a whole is inconsistent, along with some of the rest of the story. Sometimes it’s good, spectacular even, and other times it’s horrible.

It seems very strange to me that Vegeta didn’t want to tell Bulma about his past and then went fullblown into telling her like two sentences later.

I don’t much fancy Vegeta’s speech about how he was thinking about Bulma on Namek. The part about how he wished he didn’t have to kill was pretty good though, if a little OOC.

Vegeta’s cum should have killed Bulma. I mean he’s like trillions of times stronger than her. And we all know how powerful those bursts are… I’m joking, of course.

Closing Thoughts: There are a lot more cons than pros, but I think the pros outweight the cons in this instance. It is inconsistent at times, mainly in it’s dialogue, and sometimes there are just things I find appalling, but I have to say; this story is really good. It’s probably one of the best stories on this entire site. I personally don’t like love stories all that much, but this one was done in a well enough way as to keep me entertained. I wish you would write some non-love stuff too, though (like more stories in the DIR category).

Final Rating: B-

HUMAN FORCES
pros

Hilarious story premise.

Very well done writing prose. Very funny too.

SS5 Chiaotzu.

The whole thing about Zarbon doing cartwheels was incredibly funny.

cons

900 trillion.

The thing about Vegeta in the second part was just a redoing of the previous joke in the first part.

The bit about Kramcha could have been better.

The second part as a whole was not nearly as funny as the first part.

Closing Thoughts: As a whole, this story is funny. I like this one more than yyhz, probably simply because it's a bit more subtle with it's jokes. A bit. The second part of this story is a lot less funny than the first, however, and I think it would (almost) be better to not have had it at all. Or it could have just been incorporated into one great big part. With that said, this is still a good attempt at comedy and I recommend it.

Rating : R+

DRAGON BALL ST: ORIGINS OF SERROLI (AUTHOR'S REVAMP VERSION)
pros

Writing is generally good and descriptive. I’d give it a 7/10.

Finally a story with some decent buildup. Goddamn, it’s about time.

I like the little kid, Aratame and his story. I wish the entire story was just his. It’s simple but fascinating is such a cool way, that I would have liked to have seen it expanded, even from that good amount that you had shown.

I like that you use Alternating 3rd person form.

Akurna’s pure insanity is interesting to see. I like your brand of it.

I liked that the dragon was not Porunga. That really made my day. I hope he wasn’t Porunga, at least.

The epilogue was incredibly well done.

The plot itself was well crafted and interesting. I also liked that it mostly made sense, even if I didn't remember what happened in ST.

cons

There are numerous grammatical oddities and errors that hindered me reading through this story. Occasionally, you forgot words or misspelled them, but this wasn’t a very big con, as it‘s almost impossible to get. I can give examples, if the author wants it.

The story does not flow well, grammatically, therefore.

The names of your four captains are confusing.

Dialogue can get boring/clichéd/awkward/terrible, like when Serroli blew up the Acrotian guy, and all the captain said was “"Perhaps that's what's keeping Serroli".

The entire second act of chapter five is written so poorly that it’s hard for me to distinguish what happened at all.

I don’t understand why Serroli destroyed his own scouter.

You write far too many of your sentences in this form, like when you use it here 5 times in a row, “Waiting until the Namek attempted to finish him, he released a kiai, and took out the ray that was coming his way. Leaping upwards, he palmed the Namek in the face, then released another energy ball into his head. Waiting until the corpse hit the ground, Serroli then stamped on the creature's throat. Laughing, he advanced towards the other Namekians. Stopping short a metre, Serroli grinned and vanished, leaving a thin apparition of his previous position."

Your four Saiyan captains could have used a little more character development before you killed them. I’m still failing to see their relevance.

Wish you would call them Namekians, not Nameks, as that is what they are.

I felt the OSS by Serroli was lackluster and that he was underpowered in his transformation (being overwhelmed by a bunch of Namekians, seriously). There was nothing originally legendary about it, IMO.

"During all this, high up on the cliffside, Serroli watched. He had never been in a situation like this, where there could be retaliation."

Of course he wouldn’t have been. He was just created…

Namekian dialogue/speech/thingy at the end of chapter 12 is pretty bad. I would suggest a major revamp of it.

Everyone is laughing too much. That’s like all they do. I’m talking mainly about the last few chapters (such as 13), but it’s present in the entire story.

Minor con, but I think you should have had at least one more Akuno flashback in between the finale and the first one. There was just too much of a gap.

Closing Thoughts: I don’t have much to say here. This story is quite decent, and is probably Werty’s best fan fiction on this side. It suffers from some grammatical errors, and a bad flow, but it still has an engaging plot with unique and interesting fanon characters. I think overall, the pros in this one outweighed the cons, as I really enjoyed this story. It was fun to read, and I hope Werty can continue with this kind of quality into his revamp of ST.

Final Rating: A-

Misc. Thoughts:
 * The single best scene so far that I have read is Frieza/Cooler learning about the birds and the bees. Quite frankly, it's legendary.
 * My favorite story thusfar is Tien: Origins. My least favorite is Dragonball Unlimated.
 * The most common rating is E-, which is the worst.

Stories To Be Reviewed
(these will not be reviewed in any particular order)
 * Dragon Ball Z AT by Constinet gr
 * Dragonball YTK by TienShinhan88
 * Dragon Ball DA: War on Earth by Princeofallsalads
 * What is this I don't even... why's it so long by I have no idea who
 * Dragon Ball: The New Generation by KorintheKat
 * Dragon caos by 68.39.179.48
 * Groku by SuperSaiyanKrillin
 * Jello by AkurnaSkulblaka
 * Dragon Ball Temporakai: Trunks In Hell by SSJ3 Ascension
 * Not Sure Really by SuperFusion
 * Goku Chronicles by KorintheKat