A Space Christmas Story



Once upon a time Frieza and the gang went to Planet Frieza 79 because the vending machine on Frieza’s ship ran out of space funyuns.

It was snowing pretty bad, so everyone stayed indoors. Captain Ginyu took the opportunity to start a karaoke contest; the ultra-competitive Burter and Jeice couldn’t resist singing love ballads to one another, and even though Recoome didn’t know how to read, he did a wonderful job reciting the lyrics to Kush Baby rap on the screen, but it was Guldo’s rendition of “Revolution 9” that really brought the crowd to tears.

Unable to take it any longer, young Prince Vegeta stormed out of the room, his cape fluttering behind him. He liked his cape; it made him feel like proper royalty. If Zarbon was allowed to wear a cape, then it was only fair that a real prince like him got to wear one too.

Down the hall, staring out a window at the snowy landscape beyond, stood the elegant baby boy known as Kuriza. He was bundled up in a crimson snuggie and was sipping hot space cocoa from a straw.

The Saiyan boy just wanted to be left alone so he could train. He wanted to be the best there ever was. He wasn’t a singer or a lover or any of that other alien nonsense. Storming down the hallway, ranting to himself inside his head, he barely noticed when he ran into the Arcosian prince. Kuriza squealed like an underage Konatsian and dropped his drink.

“Excuse you, monkey!” The little Arcosian blushed in incertitude. “Watch where you’re going!”

Vegeta looked up, almost as if he didn’t realize what he had done. But when he saw the broken glass and steaming, spilled cocoa, his eyes narrowed, and he crossed his arms. “Hmph. You watch where you’re going.”

“Excuse me? How rude.” Kuriza raised his chin just like his father had taught him. Vegeta was after all just a filthy ape, if Zarbon was to be believed. “You should maintain proper etiquette, Vegeta. Your manners are quite unrefined. You are going to get yourself in trouble if you continue to act like a brute.”

“That’s Prince Vegeta to you.”

“Prince…?!” Why, I-I…!” Kuriza’s eyes nearly bulged at of his head. The Saiyan’s impudence was outrageous. “Y-you better be careful, Vegeta. If you don’t stop right now, I’m telling papa!”

The Saiyan boy raised a gloved hand, waving Kuriza’s threat aside. “I know you won’t tattle.”

“Really? How do you know?”

“Because only babies tattle.”

“Vegeta!! My patience is running thin! Daddy will punish you if you don’t stop being mean to me!”

Vegeta was tired of that blabbering fool’s blabbering mouth. Kuriza’s skin was sallow and crimson, and his face was even uglier than his father’s. That warranted a ki blast to the kisser in the Saiyan Prince’s assessment.

“Here, catch!” he smiled deviously, throwing a blue ball of ki at Kuriza.

Kuriza was an awkward child, a child of the stars if you will, and his power level was not yet respectable. He took the blast like an Arlian concubine and fell over, shrieking wildly. “Wh-what was that for, Vegeta?! You insolent cretin! You pervicacious ape! I’ll make you pay for that!” He jumped to his feet, sneering monstrously. His snuggie had been torn to pieces by the attack, so he ripped the remnants of it from his thin, pale body. It was very sad, because Papa Frieza had given Kuriza his snuggie two months prior, after the young Arcosian had beaten Cui in a dance-off. It had taken Kuriza weeks to learn his dance moves. And for what? Ire bloomed in the young lord’s veins.

“Pay…? Me?” A small grin crept onto Vegeta’s face. “What, you need money to buy another blankey, baby?”

“That’s enough, Saiyan! I’m done speaking to such a stubborn imbecile!”

A pink ball of ki formed between the Arcosian boy’s hands. It grew larger and darker in color until it was a deep, sparkling carmine. He raised a palm and fired the blast at Vegeta, who, laughing, jumped out of the way. But when the ball split into many smaller tendrils that homed in on Vegeta, the Saiyan boy’s eyes widened and he realized that maybe it hadn’t been such a good idea to provoke Kuriza’s wrath.

Falling to the ground, half of his armor blown away, revealing a bare shoulder where blood was seeping out from a deep cut, Vegeta grimaced and got to his feet again. His cape lay in tatters on the floor. “Why… you…!”

He was preparing a blast that would one day be known as the Galick Gun when Nappa came strolling down the hallway, whistling a tune about cabbage to himself. When the former Saiyan General saw what was going on, he ran over to the boys. There was a crack in the looking window and the metal-tiled floor had been blackened and charred. There were a few holes in the ceiling from Kuriza’s last attack, too.

“Heeeeeey Vegeta!!” came Nappa’s cheerful voice. Glancing at Kuriza, he said, “And uh, hey Lord Frieza’s kid.”

“That’s Prince Kuriza to you, Saiyan,” the child said haughtily.

“Uh right, Prince Kuri-”

“Show me what you’ve got!” Vegeta shouted, rushing at the other prince.

“Heeeey, whoa now, kiddo.” Nappa grabbed Vegeta by the tail and picked him up, holding him upside down. “You gotta calm down, Vegeta.”

“Shut up, Nappa! Stay out of this!”

“No can do, princey-poo.” Nappa gave him a good shake. “Now why don’t you and, uh, Prince Kuri-whatever talk out your problems?”

“I don’t wanna talk to that fool! I wanna blow him away! He’s space trash!”

“How impolite,” Kuriza replied, folding his arms and looking away, as if he had been deeply offended. “That boy is an uncouth barbarian.”

“Oh yeah?! At least I’m stronger than you!!”

Vegeta shot a flurry of indigo ki balls at Kuriza, blowing up the wall and shattering the window. Instantly, an icy gust of wind blew in, draping the three in a dainty layer of snow. Nappa punched Vegeta deep in the gut to make him stop struggling. The sudden sneak attack took the boy by surprise, and he spit blood as he hung upside down like an adventurous Christmas ornament.

“Look, you two have a lot of problems, and that’s great, but I wanna go make snow Super Saiyans, so see ya!” Nappa threw Vegeta to the ground and jumped out of the window. They were on the fifth floor of the outpost. Nappa remained hovering in midair and turned around. “Oh, and you better not misbehave, Vegeta.”

“Why?”

“Because if you do, Space Santa won’t get you anything for Space Christmas!! Harharhar, if you’re naughty, you’ll be the only one without a present! Think about that, Vegeta!!”

“Wha… who?” Vegeta was lost for words. Rubbing his bleeding shoulder, the Prince of all Saiyans scowled at Kuriza, who stood deft as a water dancer right next to him. “What’s he talking about?”

“It does not surprise me that you don’t know about Space Santa,” Kuriza scoffed. “Saiyans are such a savage species.”

“At least we don’t need to wear blankets when it gets cold out!” Vegeta launched himself at the young Arcosian lord only for Kuriza to spin around and slap the boy in the face with his tail. Vegeta fell to the ground, sliding on the melting snow, and crashed into the wall. Lying in pain, he did not get up.

Kuriza yawned and marched off down the hall back to his room. When he passed Vegeta, he said, “Space Santa comes once every year on Space Christmas. If you’ve been good, you’ll get whatever you want. But if you’ve been bad, Space Santa’ll give you… well, I shouldn’t spoil it.” He raised a hand to cover his mouth as he giggled to himself. He was so prim and proper, it sickened Vegeta. “You’ll find out soon enough, Vegeta.”

That fool had insulted his pride; he couldn’t let that slide. Prince Vegeta tried to stand, but he slipped on the icy metal tiles again and fell over, smacking his head so hard that he was knocked unconscious. And as he lay there, the noble Saiyan Prince dreamed of Nappa and Guldo and a big fat man with a beard that was most certainly not his father.



Part 2 coming soon...