User blog comment:Destructivedisk/D-Disk Reviews/@comment--20120903153103

I must defend my rap.

Cons
This has no timeframe. It is just a rap about Vegeta It does Rhyme. Majin rhymes with watchin it was based on this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=miLGb4qJRcg I was badass This fight will be your last I am the Prince of all Saiyans I am bound to win" is easily the worst stanza in the entire rap. If you want to improve the flow of the rap, you should use contractions; "I'm the Prince of all Saiyans, I'm bound to win" sounds much better than what you wrote True I am Super Saiyana" is easily the worst couplet in the rap.'''
 * Woah, slow down first. Give us a time frame. What does it mean when you say that Vegeta's back? Was he ever gone?
 * Giving us a beat to go in the background would be greatly helpful to understand the rap. If you don't want to do that, you could at least give a time scheme, like 4/4 or 9/4 or something.
 * "Now I’m next level SSJ Majin" is complete nonsense. It doesn't even rhyme with anything, either.
 * Since this is a rap song, you should probably make use of wordplay on a greater scale. Instead of just saying, "I'm the greatest", you could say "I'm the king, Lebron James style" or something. It will make the rap much more entertaining on the whole.
 * I'm assuming that this rap is based on a different rap? I'm reading it to the tune of one of Eminem's raps, because they're the only raps I know the beat to. Again, giving the original song would not only be helpful but also make sure that the reader is reading the rap correctly.
 * '''"Even when I was a kid,
 * Again, timeframe would be important here. If this is early DBZ, Vegeta wouldn't be terribly out of character, but if it's late DBZ or GT he's just really out of character altogether.
 * "I will kill thee

I have decided to change it to "I am Super Vegeta" I referenced Majin because that is my favorite Vegeta. "Powering" was meant to rhyme with "team"
 * Wait, is this supposed to be Majin Vegeta? It would be great if you could mention that in more than just the refrain. That was really confusing.
 * You could just say "My powering up" instead of "My up powering". It doesn't rhyme regardless.