The KidVegeta Anthology/The Story Without Any Cursing Except For This One Fuck And It's In The Title or (Sex Drugs and Rock and Roll Except Without Any Of The Sex)

To be added.

Story
The stuff that I wrote is in bold.



“Cmoe here, and let uncle nappa tell you a story” nappa said, pulklng the young kidveta onto the knee that had splidt countless skulls. “Back before i met you, i was the biggest star in all of plnaet vegeta for about 3 days. My band, nappa and the members of nappa’s band, had the biggest hit single in planet vegetas history”

Nappa looked off into the middle distance, reminscing about his bancd, while kidvegeta looked off in the distance, haunted by visions of the burning bodies of his people and their twisted charcoal-covered corpses.

It was space 1990 again, and nappa and his band were getting together for the first time. th e members consisteted of nappa, the lead vocalist, melon, the bassist, freddy the drummer, some other guy named igloo who played the triangle and who they couldnt convince to go away, and their producer, Splaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaart.

There was a disagreement over what kind of band they should be and that’s why freddy the drummer is no longer with us rest in peace. Melon wanted to become a hipster indie rock band, like the kind some internet person would use their songs for the themes of all of his fanfictions but he shut up when he saw freddy’s m ultiated body. Nappa decideed they should be a space k-pop band, since napppa’s apearance and vocal stylings were most reminiscent of a young girlish space korean woman.

Splaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaart agreed to fund their album on the condition tat they all sign a contract swearing over their moral flesh,a nd their immortal soul to their manager. Nappa was pretty much garunteed a spot in hell and melon’s body was a dumpster fire so they agreed, and igloo agreed also because he just wanted to be loved.

They started their work on their hit sngle Whatta Saiyan (Good Saiyan) which immediately wne tot number 1 on the saiyan summer pop charts. Nappa and the other member of nappa’s band became the biggest stars on their planet, and they were renown among planet vegetas population of savage monkey vegetable people.

'''im really good at grifball i could go pro. im crushin niggas all day nigga like they gettin worked by my hammer like that guy in 3 guys 1 hammer. Haha the Jews are something.'''

“Oh where do we begin !!” cry freddy merc.

“Nappa does the cough like a smoker

Iglo banged his triangle.

'''Melon decided to make these expensive soda drinks that you throw a marble in. “put more blue #3 in it!” he roared at the grub grub people they used as slaves. “Too much yellow #5!!!!”'''

'''Nappas fav color was yellow and he liked to weare it everyday. Ohe nce said “i hate yellow grhuh1”'''

But no nuh uh he got yellow armor thats when u no a real faker.

'''Splaaaaaaaaaaaat went to the saiyan dmv to get his named changed to Pris Prippers Prescott. He go to the space ikea and get a comfy lil chair it was maroon like my grandma’s old stuffed and then he sat in it and this is all to say that he’s Chairman Prescott now.'''

'''To get inspired for his wonderhit nappa took a trip to the floating world in Brassica City. there he met a fat lil farm boy wearin overalls and a dead grass between his buck teeth smh son!!!'''

“Hiiii im nappa im gonna go bald someday!” nappa shouted

“Ah i ponder, what a ponderous affair,” the farm boy lean back “u have a radical face man,”

“Oh yeah well ur beds wrecked,”

“Take it back”

'''Now Nappa was an educated individual. He had a masters in child psychology. Words are all we have and when they’re gone that’s the worst way to die, a little death though it may be. Nappa wanted to make this fat farm boy have many little deaths. He reached into the kid’s ear and tore it off. Farm boy tried to run, he tried to squeal but nappa pulled apart his skull like one would unscrew a bottle cap.'''

'''His brain was redder than Nappa would have liked, and it all ran together in ridges and lumpy bits. Nappa found it particularly fun how farm boy died immediately when he pulled a chunk of brains out. Just like that the light was gone. I wish my light would go out haha its already the 21st century what are we waiting for.'''

'''a lil drop of blood got on his boot :0 *a lil kiss 4 u* nya~. It really was a wonderful show nappa what a show, what a show, magnifico Nappa, ur outta this world'''

You know kv, coming back and reading your section after ive finished mine is kind of like coming back to your house when you left to go shopping and you know for a fact that your house will be on fire when you come back but you werent prepared for just how on fire it was. Like your house is on fire but its like blue flames or something like that and youre like this is some wizard stuff right here im not even gonna bother. Aint no fireman who gets paid enough to deal with black magic thats for sure.

“Alright we gotta come up with another hit, and im not talkin that strapping purple baldo who i consider my long lost brother in spirt” nappa said to his band. ‘For this one we gotta go back to our roots”

“What are you talking about our roots” melon said “weve only had like one song”

“Im talking about roots, lik,e, the roots of life, bro. We gotta go back to the earth, back where we belong. We all come from the eartrh, and when we die, we go back to the earth. Or the vegeta i guess.” nappa said, reaching into the ground, scooping up a clump of dirt, and shakily cramming it into his mouth while making unbreaking eye contact with the increasingly terrified melon boy. Nappa was incredibly high on space drugs, you see, and was convinced that talking was the only thing that would keep the goblins that danced on the edge of his vision at bay..

“We gotta change the world,” nappa continued, as tyhe other members of his band became increasingly terrified at his dilating pupils deranged expression, and the stream of drool and dirt that poared out of his mouth while he ranted. “Thats what musics about, its about changing the world, man. Its such a big universe out there, and nothing matters, except music, man. Its all about the rythm of the stars, the whole galaxy is just one big song and were all singing out of key.”

Meloln went over to the phone to call the space ;police but nappa shot his head open and danced in the rain of his exploded brains.

“Goodnight melon, i hardly knew ya. Youre one with the groove of the cosmos now, peace out, sail on through the stars, funky baby” nappa said, inhaling another handful of dirt as the goblins closed in on him.

“No mommy nappa’s a good boy, nappa’s not a goblin boy.”

Igloo sobbed silently to himself until nappa’s high finally dyed down.

“Ha, i guess his head exploded like a melon, am i right? Actually thats not funny i killed one of the most important membners of the band.. You know, theres too much death going around, bro.” nappa said, taking another hit from his supply of nonsepcific space drugs

“Like, all we saiyans do is kill, but why? You know, everythings just about life and death, man. But life’s just the opposite of death, and lifes not the same thing as living. A children cries out for their mothers. A space sparrow cries in the distrance. All we do is kill, man, but are we really alive? Does taking a life make you more alive? What does it mean to be saiyan, you know what im saying? Is it just a monkey tail, or is it a monkey’s tale?”

“Triangle, please, keep me safe,” igloo said, clutching his stupid useless musical instrument for 5 year olds close to his chest.

Nappa grabbed an autistic guitar, and stummed, started singing bout how saiyans should stop n with the killing just a bit, and bout how king vegeta’s beard was maybe actually not that cool. It was all folksy and from the soul, it was so human cept it caim from an alien, right from the center of nappa’s bald little heart. He called it “Maybe We Should All Tone It Down With The Genocide.” and it was gonna be the next hit single of the newly renamed Nappa and the Only Surviving Member of his Previous Band But Not For Long If He Doesn’t Keep Bringing Poppa Baldo His Drugs Yee-Haw.

Its actually literally 5 in the morning.

Yo you ever drink like, some knd of like. Like its not an energy drink but its one of those fruity watrer drinks with electrolytes or w/e like garoratde or propel or whatever, and youre eating something like skittles at the same time and youre just like am i begging the universe for diabetes. Like one of them is supposed to be healthy and for sports but you cant help but feel like willy wonka and the

Yeah i dont care kv its your turn

'''Erstwhile the tepid space lemurs hurled their chewed space cherry-hearts upon the souls of Nappa and his Sunshine Girls. Luckily at that exact moment, the door opened. Elder space lemurs shrieked with fear and ran for the hills. Cackling youngsters noticed not what was upon them. Timid squirrel-sacked Napa-kun loked around and noticed a new saiyan was on the premises of his blessed studio. Right now this guy was a foxy lil devil if i ever saw one he knew how to play a wooden train whistle. Immediately a shrill sound sounded. Cagey as a callow tiger, the space lemurs hooted and exploded.'''

'''Pieces of space lemur intestines rained from the sky (make it rain my lovely country girl). Redolent meat puddles congealed and mingled, and Nappa was happier than someone who only thinks about commiting sudok u a bakers dozen times a year. Each and every saiyan was covered in blood, even the new person. So thats when new boiy made a toot on the horn he was a conductor of sorts, a sort of braggedocious sovenier. I like to make secret messages that take too long to come up with while im supa high. Dun hate me im famous. Each and every toe on my toes is bigger than the last why the heck when I go. Nappa was shocked, bewildered, and deflowered. “That’s a lotttaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa blood, fool.”'''

Yo if you ate a gorilla meat would that be cannibalism. Nappa, igloo, and the beautiful whistle boy who i shall name Spiders Spiders Spiders were called into their managers office one day.

“Im sorry but the saiyan authorty doesnt like your music, its too inflamitory\. They want you to go back to singing about cute boys and they als miss the members of the badn whoi you everischerated.

Why does so much modern political discourse revolve around starbucks.

You know, girl broly is like, atually seriously really hot.

Like, i just want her to take me into her big muscular arms, and gently scream “kakaroooooooooot” into my ears until i loose my hearing, and then she proceeds to punch me in the stomach and murder me and my entire species. Broly if ur out there you can tear my spine out of my body and eat it any time bby girl. U can rip my arms off and beat me to death with them, lets get married.

“Man, you just dont understand music. You wanna turn us into some sellouts, well, i say, good sir, ill quit.”

Naoppa slammed his first down on the table indignantly.

“You can’t quit now” his manager said. ‘Were already coming out with a line of product tie ins, like our brand of adult diapers, nappa’s nappies*”


 * this isn’t funny

If a pokemon killed themselves would they have commited suicune

“Oh yeah, is that how you get your kicks?” nappa said, while kicking his manager in the chest

“You just dont get it. Musics pure life, everythings just made of strings that are playing different songs. I’m a high c, and you’re a g4, we just don’t get along.”

Nappa began ranting again as the goblins were once again beginning to encroach on his mind, chanting their gobliny songs.

Nappa began to confulse and fall on the ground like i do in my sleep no joke but it’s actually niot seizures the doctors dont know what it is i;m constantly afraid of dying.

Sometimes the world is too beautiful to take and smetimes it’s too ugly to stand, i want girl brooly to be the mother of my children, and i want her to crush my skull between her pecs in front of our child

Yo i dun really wanna stop the show but i thought u might like to know

'''There was a man and his name was Nappa. His aunt Jeremiah was a working girl and she made this liquid gel that turned into space scrambled eggs if u got them real hot. He was thinking of jerrah when he turned out the lights and showed em what was his.'''

'''When i was over at derek’s house he was tryna hit on this girl she was from the land of the rising sun so to speak. But one time he got up and he was so drunk he started playing guitar. He was strumming a few chords and I was callin’ em out because i was also very drunk. I tried to ride the bus home but I was too drunk and I missed the last bus yes it was quite late.'''

'''I don’t get why McCartney has so much granny mmusic. When im sixty-four is a whole lotta hooplah id rather be the gremlin that exploded in the microwave than listen to that.'''

'''I dont know what this storys about mayne i just dont get it. I always wanted nappa to kill his manager whats another gore scene right fellas. “Ur a cursed creamboy and i don’t like it!!” nappa screamed so hard all his hair exploded and some shrapnel landed in the mangers eyes his names like circles circles or something rad but i imagine him to look like the pokemon hybrid generator if u put ochoa in one side and ochocinco in the other.'''

He bent over and pciked up some floor dust, sprinkilng it over his ear and murmuing to himself about strength and honor and beauty for beauty’s sake alone!!!

'''“Im immoral,” circle circle circle cry. “Ill not empathize with sufferin no sir im a painter!”'''

Nappa was so infuriated he turned into a monster and looked for girls while hyper zergling lurked in the bushes.

'''That was when shrewsberry McKeehan the train whistler stepped forward and pulled circle circles heart from the chest. He took a bite in front of husband daddy and spit it out “its too bloody raw!!”'''

This is the part where i should have written a chef ramsey reference.

'''Igloo very much enjoyed this show on trampoline. He dinged his triangle and then self-destructed. It was a beautiful one and as the confetti that was his innards rained down around them, Nappa couldn’t help but think hed found his knew song. Alabaster McKeehan shrilled his whistle and look how polished it is, its shining for daddy.'''

Now this is the story all about how

You know what wouldvwe made gt bettwer besides completely erasing it from human history? lik e what was the point of making goku a kid again. Like why not just have like, old man goku, thatd be awesome. Give him like a mustache, itd be like the dark knight returns except with less nazis, or more nazis i dont know waht youre into.

Nappa klnew what his next song would bel. He was drunk on the sweet muscif of a triangle chime combined with the sweet sticky noise of a man’s organs going everty which way. You know its kinda weird but paul mccccartyney does atually look a bit like me nan

Nappa went on stage with the only suirving member of his band, or maybe not i forget whos dead, so lets say he went up on stage with the exploded corpse of one of his bandmades dangling morosely from his arm.

“,mam oh man, weve really made it now, buddy-o. Were on the precipece of nightmares, we’re really showing them what’s for, cool cat”

Nappa started performing his new song, man playing a triangle and then erupting in a fountain of gore. Except oh, woe is me, nappa forget his triangle, that silly man.

Yo crunchyroll seems to only have the censored version of jojos like they put weird black splotches over the dog’s exploded head so if theres an uncensored version out there thatd be great. Id prefer something where the revnue goes directly to the creators because im a good boy. This isn;t a joke im genuinely curious thanks kiss kiss from tunboy your favorite princess <3

Nappa went back stage but it was alresdy too late. He had angered his croud of aliens whow ere the sentient manifestations of mathematical equations. They were spitting the numeral formula for love at nappa and he just couldn’t handle that amount of harsh.

“I cant do this anymore” nappa said, burying his head in his hands, except his head kept slipping out of his hands because he spent all the money from his music on drugs and oil for his bald.

“Msuics not what its about anymore. I gotta embrace the goblims, i gotta be a man, i gotta do what it takes, i gotta draw the line, i gotta cross the line, i gotta go the distance. Im not nappa, music man anmymore. Im gonna spend the rest of my life beating up puppets a tthe behest of a much smaller man. That’s what life’s about, jive momma, dig it

You know kvs right, you can tell a lot about a person from asking what their least favorite song from a band is.

I feel like this section is too short, so i’m just going to copy and paste the lyrics to oingo boingo’s ‘weird science’ so kv cant complain about me not writing enough this time

Weird, ooo! Weird Science Plastic tubes and pots and pans Bits and pieces and Magic from the hand We're makin' Things I've never seen before Behind bolted doors Talent and imagination Not what teacher said to do Makin' dreams come true Living tissue, warm flesh Plastic tubes and pots and pans Bits and pieces (and) Bits and pieces (and) my creation--Is it real? It's my creation...my creation It's my creation Weird Science Weird, ooo! Magic and technology Voodoo dolls and chants Electricity We're makin' Fantasy and microchips Shooting from the hip Something different We're makin' Pictures from a magazine Diagrams and charts Mending broken hearts (and makin') Something like a recipe Bits and pieces (and) Bits and pieces (and) my creation--Is it real?

Life’s a song, you gotta be the drum solo

Passed down to you by Priyep, son of Nappa.

i never knew a picture’s worth–

wrapped around her skivvies–

twice a flash–breaking past the room–

down–luxurious knees.

and whence–two-pence–flames fall and heave,

and she’s in her honey–

de-seeded and cycled, alas–

every girls got a cunny.

Passed down to you by Priyep, son of Nappa.

Endnotes


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