The KidVegeta Anthology/This is a contest story

This story was written for TeamUnitedNerds' The Random Contest For Randos. Basically, it was a contest to write a story about the first random page you get on Dragon Ball Wiki. I got [http://dragonball.wikia.com/wiki/Goku%27s_Alive!! Goku's Alive!!], the last episode of the Frieza Saga of DBZ. Not gonna lie, that's a really terrible page to write a story about, and I was quite disappointed by my entry. I really didn't want to do this contest as a result. However, as it got closer and closer to the deadline, I knew that neither Destructivedisk and WaffleMinifigure were going to post their entries, and due to how the voting works, there needed to be at least three entries. So on the night before this story was due, I wrote it.

While my random page was a terrible one, I certainly had ideas. I had four main ideas: one, to write a very short comedic story about Gohan's and Dende's love for each other, based on TFS DBZ Abridged's handling of this episode (it's very weird that they were holding hands like that before Dende is teleported away at the end of the episode); to write a story about the frog Captain Ginyu being the king of the pond in Dr. Brief's garden; to write a story about Moori's golfing journey in the 130 days it took Porunga to recharge; and to write a story about Vegeta after he runs off and steals Dr. Brief's spaceship about halfway through the episode.

I ultimately went with option #4, as I thought it had the potential to not only be funny, but expand upon Vegeta's character and show some cool aspects of the remnants of the PTO. I had a particular image in my mind of a mission Nappa and Raditz went on without Vegeta where they got statues of them. Again, this is mostly based on TFS Abridged when Vegeta and Nappa go to Arlia and Nappa complains that he never got to be a hero. I did want to show another side of Nappa. This would allow Vegeta to reflect on his past and on his future, since the episode I got was like the first instance of Bulma showing romantic feelings towards Vegeta. After having just read He's a Baaad Man, I was in the mood for more Vegeta/Bulma stuff. If I had not written that story shortly before this contest, I would have probably done the Captain Ginyu idea.

I got super drunk before writing this story, to the point of throwing up violently afterwards. I rarely get that drunk, and I don't know why I drank so much. I drank nearly an entire bottle of vodka. There were some things going on in my life when I wrote this story, not going to lie, and that's probably why I felt the need to drink so much, but I'm not going to talk about that stuff. Anyways, I was blackout drunk, so I don't actually remember writing this story, nor even posting it on this wiki. I have no idea what this story is about, as I haven't ever read it. I don't think I edited it or proofread it either. So when I read it for this commentary, that will be the first time I've ever read it. I mean, I know what the prompt was about and what ideas I had before sitting down to write, but I don't know how it all turned out. We'll see how it goes. Neither TUN or Creeperman seemed to like it though, as neither of them voted for it, so that doesn't bode well. It will be interesting for me at least to compare this to their stories, as I reviewed both of theirs before voting in the contest, and to be quite frank, I didn't like either of their stories. TUN's probably has a chance to be better than this one, but I would be shocked if Creeperman's Pokopen's story was better than this one. We'll see. Onto the endnotes!

Story
“Baboons go down easy,” Dikwik muttered, sucking methane and staring Vegeta down.

“Do you know where Kakarot is or not? Keep wasting my time, and I’ll blast you away!”

The Prince of all Saiyans was a handsome bloke, with a widow’s peak that hinted at an early bout of male pattern baldness. He wouldn’t put up with sass from space trash such as this man. When he raised his hand, a white-hot ki blast forming, the turtle-midget alien crumpled to the ground, shaking and begging.

“Please, sir, I’d never lie to you. I haven’t seen a Saiyan in years, not since the Great War!!”

Vegeta folded his arms and looked like he had a banana shoved deep in his earhole. “What are you talking about, fool?!”

A fool he was; a fool he’d die. Dikwik stuttered and regained his feet, and suddenly, he was breathing methane like a meth addict named Wallaby Jenkins whom Vegeta had met when he had been 26 years old in a space bar on Planet Frieza 104. “Years ago, two Saiyans visited our planet and saved us from a horrible tyrant! We erected statues of them ever since! We are loyal to the Saiyans, promise!”

It was too good to believe. Dikwik the turtle alien without a shell, mind you, but a methane apparatus that made Vegeta wonder how such a creature had evolved on a non-methane planet. Dikwik the emissary of a noble world of disgusting aliens who copulated in ways Vegeta would not imagine, led the prince to the balcony, looking down on the city of Tar-jeki. “It was more than twenty years ago,” the turtle fella pined. “They saved us from a grave threat.”

The statue of Nappa was unmistakable. The man who stood next to him was more obscure. His face had been rubbed to blank, polished pink marble. But his hair… like a Super Saiyan 3 (no spoilers for lil ‘geta’s sake tho)... he knew who that was.

It must have been during one of Vegeta’s missions with Frieza and the others that his monkey buddies had snuck off on a mission. It didn’t surprise him that they had played the heroes in his absence. “Who did they kill?”

“Our king, Peepdip the Great,” Dikwik said in a hushed tone. “He was a tyrant!! The Saiyans destroyed him and his guards, and we regained control of our planet.”

“That doesn’t sound like Nappa,” Vegeta grumbled.

“They gave us three strange little creatures known as Saibamen as a present. It was very nice of them.”

“That sounds like Nappa.”

“After the Saiyans left, the Saibamen killed half of our population and took over the planet. Their leader, a red-skinned ape calling himself Tunero-markat, was particularly fierce.”

“I don’t care. Tell me where Kakarot is,” Vegeta said with a little bit of venom.

Dikwik could not approve of such a request. It was raining lightly. Vegeta stared down upon the nobly-wrought visage of Nappa and the faceless power-level-of-a-Saibaman disgrace. It was really emotional. “So you don’t know where Kakarot is?” he asked the alien.

“No, we’ve never even heard of him!”

“Ack… why am I wasting my time with you fools?”

“Please!” Dikwik fell to his knees, all dramatic and such. “Save our planet.”

“What are you blabbering on about?”

“The Saibamen… they’ve gone rogue!”

“They have, have they?”

“Half of our population was slaughtered at their hands. Currently, they are occupying the southern continent, but we have been preparing an assault against them. I do not know if we will be successful. It would be better if someone of your caliber-”

How was Kakarot a Super Saiyan? There was a boy who once told him: ‘I’m not a slut, but who knows?’. That made Vegeta purr at night, and that’s part of the reason he so detested Yamcha. You’re cute, she had said to him. That was pretty homosexual, and had not Bulma been a female hominin, that would have been rather awkward.

“I’m not doing it,” Vegeta declared dispassionately.’

“But our race will be destroyed if you don’t help us!!”

“Too bad.”

Vegeta left that world quickly. He left Dikwik and all of his friends in pursuit of Kakarot. All that mattered to him was that Kakarot was found. The atlantic was burning. He was alone in this world of desire and express concern. There was nothing else a Prince of All Saiyans could do. He returned to his space pod, and once in space, he obliterated that fuckihng planet, that useless abode for useless sentients. To exist is to know, and hose turtle bitches knew less that Vegeta deemed reprehensible.

How had Nappa and Raditz saved this world? Had they been so fucking stupid that they had pretended to be heroes? He hated them even more than last night. “Heeeeeeeey Vegeta…!” a voice echoed in his mind.

It was a familiar name, but not one he wanted to acknowledge. Vegeta needed to figure out how to become a Super Saiyan. That female… Bulma… she knew just how to caress his emotions. You’re cute, she had said to him. He was a warrior, a man of steel, but it meant nothing.

He felt the ki warming in his hand. It was easy to destroy this world. But Kakarot… that fool was out there somewhere, training with someone. Vegeta knew what was going on. He wanted to reunite with the low-class Saiyan. He wanted to know why that bastard had become a Super Saiyan and not him.

“Please, my lord. We have faithfully served the Saiyans for years.”

They had served the Planet Trade Organization. He was done with them. A dead empire does not bleed. Vegeta produced a purple ball of ki and shot it at Dikwik. The bitch didn’t dodge the attack. He vaporized with a breath of air all of those who stood against him.

The magnificent display, which gave its thanks to Nappa and Raditz, was melted. Vegeta would not suffer their pride. He shot Dikwit ihn the face, ahnd the turtle alien died. No, he did notknow where Kakort was, nor would he find him soon, but at least Vegeta had managed to kill all of the turtle alien fuckers who made a statue of Raditz and Nappa. They were meant to burn, and so they did. Thus went the blood, to oblivion. They died and burned, and all Vegeta could think of was that Earth woman’s comments: You’re cute, she had said. Why don’t you live at my place?

He remembered placing the pink shirt over his head, suffering a slight no man should suffer. But he had done it all because Vegeta, Prince of the Saiyans, had thought of Bulma’s puse, and the hair that must be growing down there. In his dreams, he pressed his hand against her cunt and felt on hair. That was enough for the prince, Vegeta knew. That was enough for a real man.

Endnotes


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