User blog:Creeperman129/Creeperman129 Reviews

(Wow, it's a blog now)

Now you may be thinking, "Aw, another reviewer? His reviews will be extremely boring!", but I'm going to add a twist to my reviews. I'll be doing two reviews back to back and grade them with what I call, "The Blackenfist Movie Style", which means I'll read and review both, and the one that I think is better will get a better grade. Soon enough, I'll do that with every story I review and will pile up a list of my favorite to least favorite. Now then, shall we begin?

Plan to Review
-Most of KidVegeta's stories

-The Man Who Blue Himself vs Before Creation Comes Destruction

-All of DuttPanda's stuff

-This is a contest story vs There'll Be Nothing Left (or Nothing But Love, the Story of Miss Buu)

-The New King Piccolo Saga (DBA) vs Resurrection 'F' (Shaymex) Phase 1 Part 1, Resurrection 'F' (Shaymex) Phase 1 Part 2 and Resurrection 'F' (Shaymex) Phase 2

-Dragon Ball GT vs Dragon Ball Super (25th or 50th Review Special)

-Dragon Ball vs Dragon Ball Z (50th or 100th Review Special)

Review 1: Dragon Ball Z: The Forgotten vs Dragon Ball Z: In Requiem
KV's Two Most Recognizable Works

Pros
Kid Vegeta Saga

+Complete dialogue is funny.

+It makes sense how Vegeta would simply give up to Frieza for the greater good of his race, even if not a Saiyan quality. That's what a king should do; protect his people.

+The conversation between Frieza and Vegeta is like an actual real-life conversation.

+Vegeta and Layeeck seem like real friends that have had a close bond for a long time.

+I do think that Prince Vegeta would train that early. From what I can tell, Vegeta doesn't train unless his pride is in danger, and obeying his father could contribute to that.

+Although a minor point, Vegeta's power level isn't something absurd like over 10,000 at birth...like Broly.

+ As before, I do believe Sayains would train to maintain pride.

+Ledas' power makes sense in universe. If he was born under one of Vegeta's guards and very gifted, 1,200 isn't out of the ordinary.

+A few months seems long enough to learn the basics, instead of putting an absurd time like one week.

+ Expanding on the king qualities, Vegeta actually seems like a king here. Hiding something so there isn't a worldwide panic.

+Exposition about Layeeck and Ledas isn't forced and seems natural.

+Both conversations are interesting.

+Its small, but I like how the soldiers are "scurrying" which shows that the Saiyans are already a main part of the Frieza Force.

+Ledas being eager to fight without much training is in character for a Saiyan. Ledas' introduction is good so far!

+I like how the "last time" event, is a little inconspicuous. It leaves up to people's imagination and not say everything flat out.

+I think the scouter will be a memento as something for Ledas to remember his race by. If so, then, very clever writing and foreshadowing.

+Ledas doesn't know anything about scouters, and that's a good thing. He isn't just a teen who would be "Yeah, yeah, I know". Having Ledas as a child doesn't just give him be a friend of Prince Vegeta, it advances the story in a smooth way.

+I should hate this part, but I love how hypocritical the Saiyan is. Based on the series, the Sayains didn't even HAVE scouters for more than 100 years! Now the Saiyan, who probably never even saw a scouter at Ledas' age, much less use one, groans because Ledas doesn't automatically know, when he was probably taught the same thing!

+Great father-son bonding.

+Layeeck being nonchalant about killing keeps Saiyan ruthlessness intact. They aren't represented as good people.

+More "Good Ledas Training" with the blasts.

+Layeeck hiding his surprise to keep his pride, along with the rest of the Sayains, is a great representation of Saiyans as a whole.

+I like the little nod to Evil Buu flying backwards with Ledas. It shows attention to detail.

+Its good that you remembered to cut off his tail. I especially like how you mention that he was bleeding where his tail was.

+Good portrayal of Ledas being mad at his father for cutting off his tail. Same with him not being able to keep balance without it.

+I feel; that King Vegeta telling Layeeck that it isn't necessary for him to bow represents that Vegeta pictures them on the same level and not as king and servant.

+It makes sense how Ledas, a child, would lose control if he transformed.

+I like how Kid Vegeta decided when he wanted to train with Ledas. It keeps in character how he doesn't train unless he absolutely needs too (in his eyes anyways).

+Good description of Layeeck's house. I like how you mentioned how it's walls are made of stone, like the palace, not only showing the Saiyan lack of technology, but reinforcing the idea that Layeeck and King Vegeta are equals.

+It was a nice surprise that Ledas tried to fight Layeeck, and for how short it was, its very good.

+Kid Vegeta is in character.

+The fight with Ledas and the Saibamen is very entertaining and well choreographed.

+I like how Kid Vegeta is ignoring Ledas and that Ledas wants to fight him. In my eyes, Ledas wants to prove himself.

+As with all the fights so far, the one with Kid Vegeta and Ledas is really good.

+It makes sense why the two wouldn't together at first.

+The way Kid Vegeta asks for help is akin to TFS, and I like that.

+Ledas and Kid Vegeta's strategy is good. It also automatically sets it apart from other fanfics, which wouldn't even try to incorporate any strategy in their fights.

+The other Saibamen fight is also very good.

+I do like how Ledas is acting more childlike, as he truly hasn't learned about Saiyan pride, unlike Vegeta, who was taught that from birth.

+Kid Vegeta mentioning that Ledas is stronger than any other training partner he does have some respect for Ledas already, which is done very well and subtly.

+Nappa saying that he'll turn the "babies" into Saiyans and then being excited about explosions is not only in character by also so hypocritical it's funny ( I'm a sucker for that kind of subtle humor. Done well, of course).

+Kid Vegeta telling Nappa to get on with it is relatable, which is excellently done if KV made that intentional: engrossing me so much that I connect with the characters.

+I like how Kid Vegeta want an actual challenge, which is slight foreshadowing to the Bardock special.

+It makes sense how Kid Vegeta and Ledas struggle with 30G.

+The idea of a maze while trying to avoid energy blasts is akin th X-Men's training room, but still with its own spin on it. This, once again, makes it a good thing.

+As with Kid Vegeta's and Ledas' relationship, Nappa isn't "friends" with Kid Vegeta at first, which is still done well.

+Kid Vegeta's pride is captured perfectly with him wanting Nappa to "start it again".

+I like how Ledas kinda just wants Kid Vegeta to notice him: to show his pride.

+The gravity training sequence is done well and is entertaining.

+I like how King Vegeta was watching the whole time to see his son's progression.

+The voice over with King Vegeta and cutting to Kid Vegeta and Ledas' improvement not only shows the training realistically, but quick;y as well. It reminds me of Master Roshi's training montage.

+Mentioning that they trained is great.

+King Vegeta believing Kid Vegeta will become a Super Saiyan keeps in line with canon.

+The Saiyans saluting for Kid Vegeta, in my eyes, represents his power level growing so much that they bow before his power, which is subtle.

+Having a training base for Super Elites is a great idea.

+Fight Simulator. If this story wants me to have one of those, in one sentence, KV would be a great salesperson.

+Kid Vegeta blowing up the simulator because he thinks the boys are lazy is great to show that his new power is already putting himself above people, which, as I said before, is true.

+Ledas talking back to the kids is great and shows his bond with Kid Vegeta. As he said, he could have been one of those kids being mad at Kid Vegeta, but becomes Kid Vegeta's friend just by training with him for a while.

+The fight with the boys is probably the best one so far. It's definitely the most entertaining so far; Ledas beating the kids is quick and has great choreography.

+I like how Kid Vegeta started to war up to Ledas.

+Unlike the other Saibamen battles, fighting twelve Saibamen now makes more sense with their power.

+The guard running away from Kid Vegeta is just funny to me.

+Layeeck telling Ledas to keep his power in check makes sense, in context.

+Layeeck looking out for Ledas is sweet.

+Ledas being happy that Kid Vegeta called him strong is just so sweet! (Critics have feelings too! :P)

+I totally agree with Kid Vegeta in that Layeeck's speech is stupid and that they should hold back.

+I like the Saiyans surprise of the two's power.

+Nappa respecting Kid Vegeta after seeing his power makes sense.

+I like how Ledas doesn't want to embarrass his dad

+As with all the fights so far, Ledas and Layeeck's rematch is very good

+It's sad how Layeeck realizes that his son surpassed him

+Kid Vegeta saying that they'll be late is in character

+The use of scouters and power levels keeps the Frieza soldiers being dependent on them and not expecting high powers on off-world planets

+Nappa bonding the two kid's tails together is a genius way for the two to bond. In a way, it also shows the two that even though they trained their tails, it could still be a weakness, like Goku kinda did

+Its also a great thing that Frieza is watching to stop the two from merely cutting off each other's tails and lose their handicap.

+Since its pretty much confirmed that at that time, it was hard for people to reach a power level of even 1,000,having the soldiers know that they're coming makes it much more enjoyable. After all, if they didn't, the two would have no trouble deposing of them, even with their tails (and hands :P) tied.

+Having the two kids play carnage like a game is very Saiyan like

+Nappa being attacked gives a nice gauge on the warrior that the two Saiyans have to face

+Once again, the fight with Ledas and the aliens is very enjoyable

+The way Kid Vegeta wakes up and kills the alien is awesome

+Nappa fake sleeping is funny and shows his embarrassment well

+Frieza's entrance is amazing

+Frieza is very much in character

+King Vegeta's fear being much more visible than in the first chapter shows that he learned, overtime, the power of Frieza and to fear him, as Frieza himself wants. Although maybe not intentional, it's done very well

+Seeing how Ledas kneels shows in a short time (less than a few months) he learned from Kid Vegeta and to fear him, which shows is done well

+Frieza's dialogue is perfect

+Frieza threat fits with the person he is and gives a big challenge to the kids

+Ledas and Kid Vegeta act like, well, kids

+Not giving The Benefactor an actual name shrouds him in mystery, like his cloak does. I like this because as a soon to be main villain, its very interesting to keep his origins hidden

+The Benefactor's opening line is just cool

+In just a few sentences, The Benefactor left a huge impression. He's not only dangerous, but mysterious and serious

+Nappa saying if the two kids can stand up with the "big boys" may not makes sense to some, as he lost to soldiers the two could beat, but I see it as him being in disbelief or to embarrassed to tell the King. This shows character development done well.

+I like how King Vegeta is looking out for Kid Vegeta and Ledas, as normal Saiyans would love this opportunity. In a way, King Vegeta wants them to live because he thinks he knows the two will become Super Saiyans

+Kid Vegeta saying they don't need help keeps his pride. On that note, these pros need to be enforced sense so little fan fictions to do this

+Ledas' reaction to Nappa's smell is funny

+Kid Vegeta ignoring Nappa's further enforces his pride, which is needed to keep his character intact

+As with all the fight sequences, the fight against the turrets is enjoyable. Extra points for making a fight against mere turrets enjoyable.

+The city being taken off guard is a nice surprise and just what I thought would happen if a planet was off guard in the last chapter

+Although the quick conquering has problems, it threw me off immensely as it was a very unique move, which I respect

+Frieza knowing about King Vegeta's wordiness shows he has everything under control, which I like

+I love the line where Kid Vegeta says he's stronger then his dad. It shows that he has no respect for his family if they aren't strong.

+Ledas' carefree attitude with him not knowing how strong he is. I love that, as I just realized its the perfect foil for Kid Vegeta

+Kid Vegeta and Ledas comparing each others powers is a good "non-fighting" section

+Kid Vegeta not being angry about Ledas' power shows how far the two Saiyans' bond has become. If it was Kid Vegeta at the start of TF he would be super mad. Great character development

+Kid Vegeta saying he'll let Ledas help him is sweet, but also sad, knowing what happens later in the OG series

+I like how Kid Vegeta doesn't care about his own celebration

+Lascon is a good character

+Ledas telling Lascon he hasn't sparred because he's old is funny

+Once again, the fight with Ledas and Lascon is entertaining, especially that Lascon was able to keep up and win, even with a lower power level, due to his skill

+The mimic of the Galick Gun shows character development; Ledas looking up to Kid Vegeta

+Lascon's lesson not only makes Ledas much more interesting (not a Gary Stu), but, to me, also seems like a little metaphor for the bad writers on the wiki and how they make their fights predictable.

+Ledas not understanding Lascon is also funny

+As with the character enforcement, the great fights must also be enforced, as so little do so with that, the fight with Lascon, Ledas, and Layeeck is very good

+The scene with Ledas and The Benefactor is creepy

+I like how Layeeck mentions his pride is destroyed. Very Saiyan like.

+I like how King Vegeta got excited at Ledas' power

+I agree with King Vegeta how he wouldn't have done it. Its also irony, for how he handled Broly

+King Vegeta mentioning, at last, that he wants to kill Frieza is great

+The dramatic irony of Kid Vegeta and his dad is done very well

+I like that The Benefactor is scaring everyone. It builds him up to be an amazing villain

+The Benefactor testing Kid Vegeta's powers with Zarbon's soldiers shows he doesn't care for soldiers' lives at all. Sign of a great villain. Also great foreshadowing with the aliens when they arrived (I thought they were assassins like Dodoria and his men in BFoG)

+Zarbon wanting his soldiers alive makes even him get a shread of pity

+The small discussion with Zarbon and The Benefactor is great. I can tell that the rest of The Benefactor's scenes will be enjoyable

+Minor thing, but I like how you mentioned Zarbon's squad's power levels. I don't know, I just kinda like it

+I like how King Vegeta makes a test for the boys to reveal their powers. It makes him actually take authority for once too

+Kid Vegeta not listening to his dad is super Saiyan like (No pun intended :P)

+Even if its very short, Kid Vegeta and Ledas beating the soldiers is enjoyable

+Layeeck being impressed at the two boys power levels is something I enjoy, as is King Vegeta's disappointment. He knows he isn't good enough, which makes it all the sadder when he inevitably dies later

+King Vegeta's anger at Frieza taking his son shows his breaking point. For years he served Frieza and he's had enough

+Frieza's conservation with King Vegeta is a great scene

+The mention of Sayain appetite is appreciated. See, its not just the big things that are good, but the little things too

+It was very surprising that King Vegeta killed the scientists, but shows his rage very well; especially in his disappointment that they weren't Super Saiyans

+The Benefactor is a mysterious person; always hiding in the shadows, probably waiting for a chance to strike. Its very well excecuted

+Kid Vegeta's and Ledas' bond is sweet

+I like the formation of Nappa's body guarding of Kid Vegeta and how Kid Vegeta gave it to him

+I like Kid Vegeta's arrogance (I just realized that)

+It is really sad that Layeeck tells his son he'll go on a mission when he comes back when...he never does

+King Vegeta raising an army even though, deep inside, he knows its futile is so sad

+This last chapter is just so sad! The two father's fighting for their sons

+Ledas' threat is awesome

+All of King Vegeta's motivational speech

+Layeeck surviving Frieza's blast is a nice surprise

+Layeeck fighting against the soldiers is cool

+Ledas attacking the technician is funny

+As is Ledas killing the Saiyan Pod Commander, as it carries out Ledas' threat

+Ledas surviving actually makes sense. Its not like "Oh, he was on another planet". It also works since its not just luck that saved Ledas, it was his own character. He is a young, impatient Saiyan boy, who wants to leave as soon as possible. If it was a human in that situation, they would've just waited and died with everyone else.

+Frieza saying he'll keep Ledas alive works well here

+Layeeck's damaged body is described well

+The small effort from Layeeck is admirable

+It was a huge surprise that The Benefactor attacked Layeeck, and descriptive in how

+The Benefactor torturing Layeeck is done well, same with Frieza's composition. Especially The Benefactor going on all fours

+The Benefactor's insanity is executed very well

+Frieza asking Zarbon to clean up dead bodies is so like him

+Kid Vegeta not caring that Ledas "died" is like him

+The garbage disposal scene

+The Benefactor's reveal to living is cool, although...I'll get to that below

+The last line is cool

+Overall, the first arc of the Prince Vegeta Saga is very good, and would make a great story on its own;it's fights are good and entertaining, the canon characters are, well, in character, and the new characters, especially The Benefactor, are great. Not only that, but all the chapters gave me a lot of enjoyment. I expect the later sagas to be as good as this one

Outbreak: Paved in Blood +Good description on the race’s animalistic qualities. Especially like how they’re on all fours

+Small thing, but I like how the younger ones are a different shade of green. A lot like real life animals

+Very descriptive about this race. I like it

+The subtle way the adult wants the kids to see the suffering of the creature by pushing them forwards is very impactful

+Side note, grammar and spelling are on point

+Showing how they tear apart the creature is great in developing the race as a whole.

+I like how the youngest one has the lightest shade of green. More ties to actual animals

+The mom hissing. More great examples of animalistic qualities.

+How the boy (The Benefactor, I presume) is characterized with only a few lines is great. Simple and to the point. No long, drawn out expositio-what do you mean Melait: Darkness Unleashed does that? Urg, fine, I’ll change that. This section is still good though.

+It’s good how his name still isn’t revealed. Still gives an aura of mystery around him.

+The mom cutting herself for enjoyment. Masochism. MORE great examples of the animalistic qualities! It’s also great how the boy just shrugs it off like it’s nothing, like it’s a natural occurrence in the society.

+Having them sleep on the ground is a nice way to show how underdeveloped they are

+I like how the families are separated...but I explain that later in a con below Lauto Saga

Stomping Grounds Saga

Planet Earth Saga

Reunion Saga

Forever Alone

Fulfillment Saga

Cons
Kid Vegeta Saga

-I think Frieza should have stretched out his goal for his land to be either "universe" or "many galaxies". One seems pretty small, in comparison to how Frieza sees things, that is.

-The <>'s are a little distracting, though I understand why you used them.

-For being an elite team, seeing how Layeeck is with them, I think the rest of the Layeeck Force members should all have names, even if they're minor. Granted, I make that mistake a lot too and its very minor.

-King Vegeta blew up more than three planets on his own, as shown in the anime. I don't think he would mind if a few more were destroyed. Frieza, on the other hand, I could understand, but not Vegeta.

-Back to the "Ledas doesn't know scouters", how can he read the scouter and know that its scanning a lot of people when he couldn't even turn it on?

-A little contrived how Layeeck learned the artificial moon by it just being showed to him. If he did train to use the move, it should be made a little more clear.

-I don't think that for, most likely, hours that the Sayains, who wouldn't have control over their Great Ape states, wouldn't accidentally kill Ledas.

-The way Layeeck grew Ledas' tail back, in my opinion, isn't done very well. If the way Layeeck did it were true, Vegeta would have regrown his tail immediately after it got cut off, since there was still the Power Ball in the sky.

-It makes little sense why the Saibamen didn't attack to start with, unless it has something to do with the hint that the Saibamen may actually be rigged.

-I'm sorry, I just can't see Ledas, with a power level of 1,700, can beat three Saibamen on his own. One Saibamen would make sense, but three so easily just makes no sense. All of them together would be more than double his strength. If Ledas' power was 2,500 or more, I could see it, but 1,700 is way too low.

-As with Ledas and the Saibamen, I don't see how in any way Kid Vegeta and Ledas can beat seven Saibamen. All together, they would reach a power level of over 8,000 (no pun intended), which would, again, be more than double Ledas' and Kid Vegeta's powers combined. If they were just a little higher, like 3,000 and 2,500, I could see it, but their power levels are too low to make any sense.

-Although I do like Nappa's hypocritical nature, I think Nappa laughs one to many times. At the point of the second laugh it was already a little annoying. However, that relates back to an earlier pro as well.

-If there was a gravity chamber on Planet Vegeta, I would think that Saiyans would be much stronger. An average Saiyan would probably be as strong as a suppressed Nappa on Earth, which would put Bardock near Zarbon and Dodoria level.

-I don't think even Kid Vegeta would be able to stand 20G, seeing how Goku at a power level of about 12,000 had trouble. Even though Kid Vegeta was born on a planet with 10G, I would think at a power level of 2,100 wouldn't be able to stand double his normal gravity. 15G make more sense, as not only would Kid Vegeta be able to somewhat withstand it but also be half of what Nappa changed the gravity to.

-I don't think the kids would be so confident and cocky about Kid Vegeta. Sure, they're kids, but I think they would know not to mess with their prince, as Ledas says.

-I don't really see a Saiyan telling his son to hold back, even if it makes sense in context. After all, Paragus thought that his son would survive. If anything, Layeeck would be fine.

-I don't see Saiyans training with a punching bag. I just don't. If anything, he would have broken it in one punch.

-Ledas not knowing who Frieza is makes no sense at all. I would think Kid Vegeta or his father would have told him at least once.

-The fight with Ledas and Layeeck really is too abrupt. It just comes out of no where and should have had a little more build-up in the last chapter

-Although not having to do with the story itself, Kid Vegeta powered up in the last chapter has the exact same power with him at full power in this chapter, which makes no since.

-In my eyes, Nappa wouldn't grab Ledas hair like he's above him. After all, he did see both Kid Vegeta's and Ledas' power levels. I think Nappa would show a tiny bit more respect, even if Ledas isn't the Prince

-Minor thing, but why didn't Ledas put on his armor before they left? I understand that Kid Vegeta wanted to hurry, but Ledas could have done it in a snap. This doesn't really detract from the story, it's just a little annoyance

-I don't understand why Kid Vegeta would threaten to leave Ledas there. It seems that they were at least started a friendship in the last chapter

-How did Kid Vegeta get knocked out in just one blow from a power level of around 3,000? I would think he could have taken at least three hits before being knocked out, especially with his "never back down" attitude

-Another minor thing, but it wasn't mentioned before he did it that Ledas had learned the Galick Gun, or something of that sort. It would be fine if it was like, "I have to bust out my best move!", but it just comes out of nowhere

-Looking at Kid Vegeta from BFoG, I don't think he would kneel and, instead, not kneel, but his dad would motion him to.

-Even if Saiyain pods go super fast, taking into account the series, I think just going there and coming back would be at least a day

-As a Saiyan, I don't like how Ledas is afraid that the planet's inhabitants are strong. He should enjoy a challenge like that.

-I think Kid Vegeta's ki blasts would be able to destroy at least one turret, as I don't think the planet's armor would be strong enough to withstand multiple ki blasts

-Skipping past the conquering of the planet without any resistance is a little boring

-Frieza just standing at the pod area seems a little absurd. It should have been mentioned that they went to his throne room before meeting Frieza

-Kid Vegeta not saying they're the strongest Saiyans is weird, with the way Ledas said it. With just the adding of the word "ever" after "Saiyans" would fix this

-I think Kid Vegeta would have told Ledas of his hatred for Frieza a little earlier, like when he told him about Frieza in the first place.

-Ok,Lascon is introduced out of nowhere. There was no foreshadowing, no mention, not even saying that Ledas even had a grandpa. If he was lightly snuck in like, "Grandpa wouldn't cut off my tail" at the house, but there's nothing.

-If Ledas wanted to go to Kid Vegeta's presentation, why didn't he just go with him? I get it was for Lascon to teach Ledas, but in the story, it doesn't make sense

-Why wasn't Dodoria there? He is one of Frieza's right hand men, after all

-Lascon knew Ledas' power level, so why didn't he tell Layeeck?

-How did Kid Vegeta know that his dad told Frieza about Super Saiyans? I always thought the King would have done that privately or, instead, Frieza just heard rumors about it. It would make much more sense

-It would be too hard for Kid Vegeta and Ledas to take on multiple planets in a row

-No...just no. It was hard for even Goku to overcome 100G with a power level of around 60,000 to 80,000 (didn't complete his training yet), so there is NO reason why Kid Vegeta,Ledas and King Vegeta could take 70G

-H-how can just Elite Saiyans stand 50G?

-I don't like how Frieza says that he wants to train Kid Vegeta himself. I would prefer it being something like, "I want my best soldiers to train him. To do that, however, I will need to take your son". Frieza isn't one to train, at least until RoF

-For Frieza's hardest planet, wouldn't the Ginyu Force have been able to handle it? If it was really hard for others, Captain Ginyu would think it would be fun and take it on

-Layeeck shouldn't think he's useless when he's still King Vegeta's fourth best warrior, under Nappa, Kid Vegeta, and Ledas. Plus, I don't think even his small amount of pride left would allow for that

-With an advanced society like Frieza's, I think they would have some spare, undamaged pods

-Going back to the three day planet thing, if this planet takes six hours then surely round trip would take a quarter of a day, which would make that trip a little less absurd, but still absurd

-Nappa doesn't seem like one to wait, as he didn't want to wait three hours in the OG series. It would be better if Kid Vegeta said that

-I really don't understand why Layeeck isn't fighting. Sure, his son is stronger than him, but he's still a Super Elite. He should st least try to help his friend, King Vegeta

-Neglecting Dodoria is pretty strange. He wasn't at the presentation and just pushed aside on Frieza's ship.

-Layeeck surviving after being impaled seems a little weird to me.

-It is heavily implied that in BFoG that Dodoria was still Frieza's "left hand man", as you will. That can't be contradicted

-Zarbon having a "motherly tone" is really bad

-There is no way The Benefactor could have survived if he had no power level, unless he could suppress it,which I think Frieza would know. On that note, Zarbon shouldn't have fired a ki blast at him, so there would've been some chance he survived Frieza's Death Beam

-Everything has its faults, even this saga, the biggest being the power scaling. The gravity chamber and its high gravity is always too high, early in the saga, Ledas and Kid Vegeta were able to beat things they shouldn't and the biggest offender of this is The Benefactor, who was somehow able to conceal his power with no explanation and be able to survive a Death Beam to the neck and a ki blast from Zarbon

Outbreak: Paved in Blood -Why would the group stand back in awe? Was this their first hunt? If so, that should be explained more clearly. If not, then they should be used to this by now, which I think would also emphasize further how animalistic they are, which should be clear by how they gladly tear into the prey later. No reaction to the bloodshed would hit home more, I would think. Though I suppose aweing at it could be more impactful to some, for me, this isn’t the case.

-Having each of them live in different houses is a good idea. It shows how they have little care for family and more on survival. So what if one gets eaten by a predator in the night? The rest get to escape. But...it’s wasted with the fact that they have families there...It would have been SO much better if there had been no family and the kid lived alone!

-Why are they fluent in English? Wouldn’t it be more impactful if they spoke less intelligently and more like...animals? I get that there needs to be exposition, but having their speech as the same as humans seems a little wasted to me.

Lauto Saga

Stomping Grounds Saga

Planet Earth Saga

Reunion Saga

Forever Alone

Fulfillment Saga

Comparison
The winner is...

Review 2: Dragon Ball: Universe 1 vs Dragon Ball Z: The story of Androids!
The Worst of 2016

Pros
+Randik is actually a kinda cool name

+Sun Beam Attack is also a cool name

+An "Eh" cliffhanger at the end of Episode 1. Not good, but decent enough

+The author spelled "a lot" correctly...I'm surprised based on the amount of other spelling errors he has

+Giving Sam some friends was kinda neat. Although that doesn't mean anything in the end, as shown below...

+Neopolitian Dragon Balls sound kinda cool. Jeez, basically the only pros I'm giving this story is the names...

+The names of the moves the kids learn are coo-I'm just repeating myself now. But it's true!

+"Sam: Alex, your power level is 1,250. Alex: Woah. that's big. Sam: Randy your power level is 1,050. Randy: NICE.but I'm sad that Alex is stronger.":...Some character development? Very minor development, but I'll take what I can get.

+I like how Alex didn't assume Randik's gender and said both pronouns.

+Randik's attack names are also pretty good. The author should just name things for others. Instead of this...as I'll get to below

+"Alex: RANDYYYY! Alex: OKAY SAM I'M NEXT SAM: no dude, he's gonna destroy you like he did to randy. Alex: I DON'T CARE AHHHHHHH!": E-Emotion? Actual emotion? I can't believe it!

+"Sam: Actually Randik, you're next.": A kinda good line.

+I like how the Sun Beam Attack bended...but too bad...well you'll see down below.

+Karem's concept is cool...but in this kind of scenario...I'll get to that below

+Another "Eh" cliffhanger at the end of the second saga's episode 3

+"Fight For Safety Of Planet Zork, Karata VS Saiyan Samex": An actually decent episode title.

+"POOOF! Samex came back. Karata: But.. HOW! Eric: I wished them to become Samex Again!": You know...actually kinda clever...but still...

+"Sam: these 1. Xray Break 2. Speed Travel 3. Picture of Lies 4. Erase Of Enemies": Again, cool names, but...all of these pros usually have a con to them...and this is no exception. Trust me, I want it to be...

+"Samex: ok Eridy, yours is 15,750 Eridy: Samex, yours is 21,250 Samex: WHAT, NO WAY.": Ya know, those are actually pretty weak fusions...pro for not overpowering the strength of them.

+Now that I figured out what Xray Break actually does, it's pretty creative...but again...

+The best this story does are the names of the attacks and...that's basically it....it's sad...

Cons
-There is no point to put the ages the sagas take place in before the saga never even started. It, in fact, actually detracts from the reading because then we KNOW when it'll end, which gives very little tension. Ages are for wiki pages...wait...

-On the topic of ages, why does there need to be a dash to say, for instance "(Age 732- Age 732)"? If its just over the course of one year, just put it as "(Age 732)". Otherwise its just redundant.

-The spacing of the chapters shown from the contents box is just wonky, and not in a good way (obviously :P). It should just all start on the left side, or at least be centered

-"Proluge:" Prologue is spelled wrong

-"Sam is a 10 year old Zorkian that trains and saves the universe": For one, what's a Zorkian? You can't just introduce a new species without explaining it a little. Secondly, this isn't a prologue. Its a summary. And not a good one like "Romeo and Juliet". That had information which was interesting and made people want to find out what happened. This negates all tension straight from the start. We know Sam will end up ok. We know he'll beat every foe. Yes, the readers don't know HOW, but what's the point of reading it if you know what happens before you read it? Unless you read a story once before and then read it again because it was just THAT enticing.

-"This story takes place 5 years before Goku (Kakarot) was born in universe 7": Universe should be capitalized. Also, what's the point in stating the year Goku was born if he's in another universe and isn't relevant in the story at all?

-"Episode 1: Too much training": Jeez, there's a con every single sentence...ok. "much" and "training" should be capitalized

-"Sam wakes up on a clear sunny day on Zork. 'Time to see Dad at the Fields.' Sam said." : You thought I was kidding? Nope. So at the start of the story, I know nothing about the protagonist, nothing about the planet he lives on, nothing about where he lives, and confusion on whether he's sticking to past or present tense. And it's not like this stuff is really expanded upon later either. You're just supposed to know. It's like watching the Cell Saga before every other one. "Who's this 'Frieza' guy? What's a Super Saiyan? Red Ribbon? Who are all these characters? Why's that guy green?". Plus no one speaks like Sam just did...he just woke up...and said fields capitalized when it shouldn't :P.

-"At 12:00, Sam made it to his Dad. Okay son do a Sun Beam Attack on that tree."So  Sam hits the tree with the Sun Beam Attack and it destroyed not only tree but the forest too": Prepare for, like, 100 cons for the way this is going. I won't con for using Earth time. That's fine, since its recognizable. What isn't is why that time is said at all when we don't know what time Sam woke up at AND how a field doesn't have enough trees for a forest in it. And how there's only one quote around Dad's line...On that note, I would just be wasting time pointing out all of the spelling and grammar mistakes and just do cons on the story itself. Also, how/why does Sam know how to use ki? Why is he so strong? It's really like I'm watching the 10th episode of a series.

-"Hid dad use the scouter. Whoa.": There shouldn't be scouters on the planet. That's a Frieza Force thing. Not a "Zork" thing. This is ALSO just treated as a throwaway thing, like we already should know!

-"Your power level is... The episode ends here."- Wait, what? A-a single paragraph. A SINGLE PARAGRAPH. Unless in the anime series you add a BUNCH of filler of, you know, information we should know, this isn't an episode. This is a clip from an episode. And a short clip at that. Along with that, if a single blast counts as "Too much training", then how is Sam so strong if he needs to rest after doing a single blast?

-"What Sam doesn't know is that his  power level is the highest on Zork."- So somehow this kid is the strongest being on the planet. THE ENTIRE PLANET! Sure, Goku was strong enough to destroy a car at the very start of Dragon Ball, but compared to Master Roshi, he was nothing until he trained under him. There was also Nam, Giran, Mercenary Tao, King Piccolo...the list goes on. I find it impossible that Sam is the strongest. There has to be at least ONE adult stronger then him. And you can't just say "he's a prodigy" without SHOWING it.

-"'Son, do you have friends, son.'": Redundant much redundant? Also, this dad is a horrible parent if he doesn't even know if his son has friends.

-"'Why yes i have Marcus and Cody.' Sam said while being hungry.": Sam is way too formal, which is weird considering based on the hungry statement (which isn't elaborated on at all after stating it) and Sam asking if 1,000 is strong, this kid is a Goku clone. And we all know how Goku talks. And AGAIN with the characters I know nothing about but are expected to. Excuse me while I look up if I added a "0" to the end of my "1"...nope.

-"Well forget them, go into the world and look for friends who have close power levels like 600 or more. 'WHHHHYYYYYY' Sam Yelped. Because son..."- This last line. THIS. LAST. LINE. "Oh hey dad, can I hang out with my friends?"

"No. Instead, I want you to stop being friends with them and find new ones"

"But they're nice and everyone else bullies me! Why do I have to?"

"Because son..."

You see my point here? Making your son give up everything "just cuz". It enrages me to no end. ANOTHER point is if Sam's dad doesn't know that Sam had friends, then HOW WOULD HE KNOW THEIR POWER LEVELS?! And that's where it ends! No rebuttal, no questions asked, Sam just does it! YTGYYVKJHFXJKKG. Also, A SINGLE PARAGRAPH!

-"Episode 3: New friends Alex and Randy": Spoilerz.

-"He found Alex, his power level is 650.": No mention of Sam having or even bringing a scouter to begin with

-"Sam said, 'wanna be best friends.' sam asked.": Am I being redundant much by saying redundant much redundant again?

-"'I will only if your power level is bigger that 700.' Alex said. 'My dad said my power level is 1,000.' Sam said. WHAT? Alex screamed. fine I will be your friend.": Sooo...apparently this planet has a culture similar to the Saiyans where their people are respected by how strong they are, but why's this Alex kid stronger then ALL ADULTS if their society is based on fighting? Even worse, Alex just believes Sam's story immediately. It could have been a lie, ya know. Or you could have magically gotten a scouter like everyone else so far.

-I don't know why Sam needs new friends, really. He already had two friends before. The author could've just made Marcus and Cody strong and not come up with Dad's stupid reason why. In fact, it SHOULD'VE because after this, Alex and Randy automatically treat him like a friend, after just meeting him. Granted, if he kept the old friends, they would've been introduced with no information about them, but everyone in this story has that so far, so this is nothing new.

-"So they went back to Sam's dad. Hey dad I'm back.": You may be asking why this sentence is here. Well...that's the end of the episode. Yeah! That's the cliffhanger! The next episode's first sentence is "Dad is nowhere to be seen"...WHY NOT USE THAT AS YOUR END? Also...ahem...A. SINGLE. PARAGRAPH! You all know it, so I'm not gunna show it (anymore :P)

-"Episode 4: Neopolitan Dragon Balls......": Way too many periods

-"Alex and Cody are with Sam.": Yeah, I read the last episode five seconds ago...

-"Sam told Alex and Cody to leave":...then what was the point of them going there in the first place?

-On a side note, this episode's sentence length is too short. Like, 6 word sentences for everything. It's weird.

-"Sam went to see the elder Hamo.": STOP MAKING CHARACTERS LIKE I SHOULD ALREADY KNOW THEM! So apparently this planet has an elder too? But it was established that rankings were based on strength...what's going on?

-"Hamo went on saying that the Neopolitan Dragon Balls are very powerful and that gives the person five wishes. Then the balls go around the world into Ice Cream Cones.'Wow, so that's why my dad is trying to get them.'Sam said.": I have many questions. Even though I didn't talk about it earlier because I wanted to get to this point to talk about them in general, why does this planet have Dragon Balls? That's a Universe 7 (and 6 if you stretch it) thing. They only exist in that universe. And why does Hamo know about them? If every adult on this planet knows about them, then why hasn't this planet been filled with war fighting for them? If not, then how did Sam's dad find out? And how is he able to track them? Why did he leave so suddenly after knowing his son left for a short time? Why do they grant five wishes? That's way too overpowered, especially considering that there's no threat stopping people from gathering them, if a random guy could try to do it. A-and finally...why do they turn into ice cream cones? That would make them Nepolitan Dragon Cones, since when wishes upon, the balls just turn into stone. Plus having them turn into ice cream cones is so incredibly stupid...

-"Sam began training again and started to learn new moves.": So apparently after becoming friends with two strangers and learning about the Neopolitan Dragon Balls, you can learn new moves after training for a short time...suuuure

-"Sam: SUN BEAM ATTACK!!!!!. It blew up the rest of the forest.": Back to sinning every sentence! Previously, it was stated that his blast already destroyed the entire forest (which I proved shouldn't be there in the first place), so he couldn't have destroyed the rest of it. And, again, shooting beams at trees isn't really training.

-"Alex: Hey Sam! there you are.": Oh hi Alex who suddenly teleported to Sam

-"Randy: Yeah we were getting a little scared.": You too Randy! But really, why would they be scared? They're still basically strangers. And Sam said nothing about going anywhere dangerous. And they know that he's strong enough to take care of himself with a power level of 1,000. This story makes no sense at all!

-"Sam: Did you guys bring your scouters? Alex & Randy: We sure did bro.": Again, no explanation for scouters, but more importantly, why did they bring scouters if they didn't know Sam would be there? Wait...why didn't they just use their scouters to see if he was safe?! This story is just filled with dumb throwaway lines that bring up tons of questions.

-"SO they trained and trained really hard until they learned three new moves that are great. Move 1: Loophole Warrior Punch Move 2:Almighty Kick of Death Move 3: Super Combo Dash": They trained really hard...that's it. While the moves sound cool, they aren't described at all. I can't picture what they look like, or even what makes them so powerful! Are they just names like Mr. Satan's "Dynamite Kick"? Or does it actually do something strong, like Super combo Dash being like an afterimage? Without these, they can't be described as "new moves that are great", if I don't even know what they are.

-"Episode 6: Randik comes to Zork": SPOILERZ!

-"Three days after they learned three moves": Why is the time period relevant? This time could have been used to develop characters, improve dialogue and, ya know, release the first episodes online.

-"Sam: Hey guys do you see something by the sun. Alex: Hey I see it too. It looks like it's coming here. Sam: you guys wanna check our power levels. Alex & Randy: YYYEEAAHH!!": So you're interested in something, but automatically change the topic. Do these kids get amnesia every five minutes? Sam just forgot about his other friends, Alex and Randy thought Sam was in trouble, and now this!

-"Alex: okay Sam your power level is 1,500. Sam: That's good right? Alex: OMG YES IT IS SAM!": Dude, yours is 1,250. That's not that big of a difference. Plus "OMG" should never be used in a story...like, ever.

-"Randy: How about we check that wierd thing in the sky.Alex: Great idea. His/Her power level is 5,000!!!!.": Oh, NOW you want to check out! The author could have just have them check their powers BEFORE they noticed the ship, so the reveal of his absurd power compared to the kids still works. Oh wait, it doesn't, as I'll get to soon...

-"Meanwhile. Sam's dad has 2 of the Neopolitan Dragon Balls.": This literally comes out of nowhere at the end of the episode. This is just mentioned out of the blue with no plot relevance. Instead, it could have gone back and forth between Sam's training and his dad's hunt, going through many perils, and with his scouter when Randik arrived, his dad knew and tried his hardest to find the remaining Dragon Balls and maybe, just maybe, save his son...BUT NOPE!

-At the 7th episode, I realized just how boring the episode names are. They're just booooooring

-"Sam and his new friends see Randik. He has dark blue and light red hair.": This is Randik's only description for his appearance. That is the most vague thing I've ever heard. I could say Randik's a blob with beefy arms and that hair. Ya know, from now on, that's what Randik looks like.

-"Randik: I WILL DESTROY THIS PLANET FOR MY LEADER!": And that's Randik's backstory. A soldier we know nothing about that got sent to a random planet, which just so happens to be the one the protagonist lives on. There's a name for that...oh yeah! Bad writing!

-"Sam: We gotta stop him guy! Alex: Yeah but we're too weak Sam. Sam: Then we train fast. Randy: fine Sam. They spent one day training as hard as they can. Sam: ok guys LET'S BEAT THIS GUY UP.": So they're close enough to see Randik, but he doesn't hear them. Lucky enough for them. But instead of gathering fighters, making a resistance, biding their time until they're strong enough to strike back, WHAT do they decide to do? Train fast...AND IT WORKS, somehow bringing up Randy's power to 2,100, Alex's to 4,000 and Sam's to 5,000...IN A SINGLE DAY. What's even worse, they don't even care that Randik is probably destroying CITIES at that time. And why did Randy's gap between them suddenly increase drastically?! Even though it was previously stated before that his power level was 1,050 compared to Alex and Sam's 1,250 and 1,500 respectively, he shouldn't get so weak to only be HALF of Alex's strength. And why aren't they tired after seemingly training really hard? It's stupid mistake after stupid mistake that make almost everything about this story, well, STUPID!

-"Randik: Who are you three kids? Sam: we are the strongest on this planet, of course. Randik: WHATT!": So was Randik just screaming to people in the street that he was going destroy Zork for his leader? Because there's no indication that ANYTHING was destroyed. And the same problem arises...why does Randik just believe they're the strongest on the planet? It's like Kid Goku. People underestimated him, so why didn't Randik do it with the kids?

-"Randy: can i go first Sam? Sam: Sure, Randy why not?": Why not? Um...there's a guy who's going to destroy your world if you fail, you already know Randik's power level is much higher then Randy's and if you just gang up on him he's dead...WHY NOT?

-The fighting...it's just...moves (which I don't know what they do) being called out and eventually someone wins. No choreography at all. It's just horrible.

-"Meanwhile, Sam's dad has 6 of the Neopolitan Dragon Balls.": Again, pointless.

-"So Alex fought Randik. Randik was a little stronger than Alex.": Yeah...we know both of their power levels. Unless Alex got a rage boost, this was obvious.

-"Alex: I WON! Sam: YES ALEX YOU DID IT. Alex was walking back to sam when they heard a fimaliar voice.": They have scouters. Unless Randik can just magically suppress his power level *cough cough* The Benefactor *cough cough*, they should know if he's alive or not.

-"Alex's body landed on top of Randy after they both went unconsious.": This implies that Randy was conscious until Alex landed on him...even though it was stated that he almost died.

-Minor note, but in the power levels list, Randik's power magically increases a little after each fight. Never explained why. It just...happened. Yes, even the official power levels are messed up; that's how bad this is.

-"Sam: SUN BEAM ATTACK Randik: You know that move too?": Excuse me? Randik never heard or saw that move used by anyone other then Sam. None of his friends used it. No one else could have done it because apparently all adults are weak on this world. So it makes no since.

-"Randik: you're the first person to ever dodge my attack.": So his master never dodged it? Kinda hard to believe.

-"The attack bended around Randik and him him right in the back. Randik: What the, But how?": Ripoff strategy of Kid Goku's blast against King Piccolo.

-"Sam ran behind Randik and did something amazing.": It can't just be said that Sam did something amazing. It has to be shown. And no, just saying an attack name doesn't count.

-"Sam: AHHHHHHHHHHHH": Ahhhhhhhhhh. I'm so investeeeeeeeeed. See, it doesn't work if you don't add exclamation points.

-"Sam went right through Randik and penetrated him.": Again, ripoff of the King Piccolo fight. And silly Sam, Mr. Blob Body with red and blue hair can just reform himself because he's a blob!...What's that? He doesn't? So...Randik isn't a blob...huh.

-"Randik: NO, THIS CAN'T BE, My leader Karata....": Maybe if you brought some soldiers with you, overheard the kids right next to you and actually destroyed some stuff, you may not have failed your leader...who I think you have a fetish for....

-"Sam helped Alex and Randy up and told them about he defeating Randik.": Oh, yeah. Like two kids after being blasted with energy waves that could almost kill them can stand up just fine a few seconds later. Totally believe that.

-"All of the sudden they see Sam's dad coming. Sam: DAD, YOU'RE BACK! Sam's Dad had all 7 Neopolitan Dragon Balls.": It's not like Sam could've used his scouter to know where his dad was...oh wait. More importantly, WE KNEW SAM'S DAD WOULD GET ALL THE DRAGON BALLS! It's just randomly said that Sam's dad had 6 of them, so of COURSE he's going to get the last one. Unless this is a good story that had him unable to find the last one because someone else had it...like in the Baba Saga.

-"sam's dad wished for. 1. Restore the lives Randik Killed. 2. Fix the city back to normal. 3.kill any villians in the universe. 4.Give him Immortality 5. Give him five billion Zork Bucks Sadly, the dragon, Munchron wan't able to do number three.": Ahem...one, Munchron is a stupid name. Two, silly Munchron, Randik was just standing there screaming! He never destroyed anything :P. Three, we don't know the value of Zork Bucks so that's completely pointless. Four, these Dragon Balls litter ally came out of nowhere just to fix any problem with no struggle. Five, with Munchron not being able to grant the third wish, Sam's dad should still have another with, and sixth, most importantly, SAM'S DAD IS NOW IMMORTAL. There is now NO tension as ANY problem can't beat him, since he's immortal. THANKS RANDOM NEPTOLIAN DRAGON CONES! For ruining this story...oh, wait, it was already ruined before this. Never mind! :P

-"Sam is 12 now as he goes through middle school.": So now there's school? Ok, when GOHAN went to school, people thought Mr.Satan saved the day. Here EVERYONE would know. Even worse is that if he had to go to school, why was is never mentioned before this point? There was no indication that it was summer in the previous saga

-"But deep in space a super powerful villan named Karata is looking for his henchman, Randik. Karata: Where is that peice of trash. He's been gone two years now.": Why's Karata asking where Randik is? She sent him...what? Karata's a guy? That name sounds too feminine. Anyways, he sent him to Zork. He should have known he died there at most a week. Not two years. Wait...Katara's appearence isn't described at all...KATARA'S A BLOB!

-"On Zork, Sam is studing geomotry.": How do they know about geometry? Oh, wait, there's Dragon Ball: Universe 1 handbooks now! To explain everything that should've been explained in the show! Also it's useless to say "On Zork". Where else would Sam be?

-Horrible transitions from Sam to Katara. No segway, no nothing.

-"Karata: WHAT'S THIS, RANDIKS DEAD, BUT HOW. Soilder: People on Zork Killed him. Karata: Then Let's go to Zork.": Yeah. This randomly comes up. For some reason NOW, after two years, they found out he died. Whu-What?! So first they couldn't realize that he died for TWO YEARS, and now they suddenly gain intelligence and put the two together? And if Randik is a piece of trash to Karata, then why go in the first place? Now you know what happened to him. Carry on with your conquering.

-"While in the bathroom there was a wierd piece of metal on the floor. Sam: what the? When Sam went home, he went to his house. Sam: I'm home. What's this. Sam found the Super Computer Cell Disarranger.": OF COURSE! Of COURSE there's just a random Super Computer Cell Disarranger (what ever that is) laying on the BATHROOM FLOOR. Not in a store, or a cave, a BATHROOM FLOOR. And this doesn't seem to ANYTHING, as it just transitions to...

-"Eric: hi son say hi to Karem, the super computer.": This. Why does Sam's dad, oh sorry, I mean ERIC, get a name now? What changed? And that transistion was so horrible...Eric doesn't even answer his son's question.

-"Eric: 3.5 Billion Zork Bucks. Karem changes your cells around to create a diffrent person like i can turn into an earthling or a saiyan.": THERE ARE NO EARTHLINGS OR SAIYANS IN UNIVERSE 1! THEY SHOULDN'T KNOW ABOUT THEM! And if people DO sell this, then why didn't someone use this machine, for anything?! They could literally take over the world, or, I dunno, stop a guy trying to conquer your planet!

-"Sam,Alex,and Randy had ice cream.": They're eating the Nepolaitan Dragon Cones! THEY'VE DOOMED US ALL!

-"Sam; so have you guys been training. Alex: No, have you? Sam: sometime now, yes I will because remember, Randik said his leader Karata will get us. Randy: oh yeah, now I remember.": You don't remember Randik screaming it, like, a hundred times? Or that the guy who almost killed you has a master? When Goku and Piccolo heard it ONCE they remembered! They're lucky that Katara's so stupid sthat he can't realize his minion died after TWO YEARS! Sorry, I'm still mad about that. And did Sam not ask them this question for two years? Now that I think about it, did Eric just not spend his money until two years later? This time skip is just so unnecessary.

-"SO they started training non-stop for three weeks until they heard somethin strange.": Again, what's the point of the time skip if they're just going to train anyways? This would be so much better if it skipped, like, a week.

-"Karata: what are their power levels. Soilder: the first one is 4,500 Soilder: the second one is 5,750 Soilder: the final one is 6,000 sir. Karata: Randik was 5,000, so they would be easy because my power level is 12,250.": They have scouters? Why didn't Randik have one? And why did Katara come with only one soldier? And why did the kids barely improve at all over three weeks when they got 5X stronger after ONE DAY? REALLY should only be a week time skip. Also, Katara just saying his power level randomly is stupid.

-I just realized it now because I've been ignore the episode titles because...it should really just be one coherant story, but why do the episode numbers suddenly reset at the end of the arc? The point of episodes is for them to continue and to be easy to access. Like if you want to watch a specific one. But with this you would have to type in the saga along with the episode, but you might get the first saga's episode...And yes, I know they're all on a single page, but the author is treating it episodicallly, so I am too.

-"Sam: Randy buys us time so me and you go to my house and use Karem, my super computer. Alex: What does she do? Sam: It can make us fuse cells and change us into any species. Alex: WOAH! REALLY! Sam: yeah, come on let's go. Randy went to Karata and Sam and Alex went to his house.": Many problems here...one. Karem is way too plot convinent. "Oh hey, we just got this thing out of nowhere to help us beat this villain and we can go back at any time!"...oh yeah, episode 66 of Super kinda did that too...anyways, two. Even though the fusion would be more effective with stronger people, why did they send the weakest out of them to fight Karata. And third, which matches up with the second, WHY DID RANDY GO TO FIGHT HIM? He could have stayed there and Karata would have probably just ignored them like Randik did. Simple. Granted, both options would still be stupid, but the latter would at least have consistency

-"Sam: DAD, SOMEONES POWER LEVEL IS 12,250 AT ZORK CITY.": Wait, they landed in Zork?...That would mean that other people would have seen Karata. And buildings would be destroyed. Yet there is no mention of other people besides the main characters...j-just a line would be nice. "The people panicked as Karata came out". There. That's it. Acknowledge their existence.

-"Sam: we're going to use Karem to fuse our bodys and turn into saiyans. Eric: ok son but i must warn you, it only last for one day.": Oh, ONLY a day. Potara lasted forever/An hour. Metomorese lasted 30 minutes. This is so overpowered. Sure, there's a time limit, but I don't think it would take a day to kill an opponent (from both fighters). The time limit needs to be long enough so it doesn't instantly defuse during the fight or actually have some stakes that they may be fused forever and short enough so that the time limit becomes useless.

-"Samex Trained for 6 hours until he saw a power level dropping. Samex: It's Randy! Samex ran as fast as he can until he saw Randy, Dead. Samex: RANDYYY, NOOOO! Karata: this guy was easy.": Wuh...WHAT?! You all know what's coming...phew...one. How did Randy, with a power level of 4,500, last for SIX HOURS against a power level of 12,500? Cui lasted about a minute against Vegeta. That's less than a 2X difference. Yet RANDY, who doesn't have very much durability as he lost to Randik who was just over 2X his strength (which actually made sense), was able to last for 6 WHOLE HOURS against a guy almost 3X HIS STRENGTH! Along with that, why did Karata say he was easy if it took him SIX HOURS to kill him? He should have at least given a hint about how the fight went like "Phew. He hid for a while, but he didn't last forever" or SOMETHING, but this implies that the fought for 6 hours straight. Two. Why did Samex train and not immediately go and help Randy? He was fighting for his LIFE and Samex was like "Eh, I'll just train a little and not help my friend. That's okay." Now that I think about it, Sam and Alex really don't like Randy. They told him to fight a guy so much stronger than him and left him alone there for 6 hours. And when he comes back after taking a shower and having a meal he acts all emotional like he couldn't stop this...except he could. For six hours. This could very easily be fixed if the time was changed to a minute after they fused and didn't HAVE to train.

-"soldier: SIR, someones power level is 11,000 nearby!": Wait, they weren't in front of Randy? Then why did Karata say, "this guy was easy"? And if they are close, then how didn't they see Samex over Randy's dead body?

-"Karata: time to die, Samex.": Karata should have no idea what Samex's name is

-Again, the fights are so bad.

-"Eric: SAMEX, I got the Neopolitan Dragon Balls. Samex: summon munchron and use one to Revive Randy. Eric: Ok, Son/Son's friends. Samex: Ok Karata let's fight!": I-It just gets worse. HOW DOES IT GET WORSE?! ONE! How is Eric talking to Samex? It isn't mentioned that they're using scouters, at all. TWO! How did Eric gather the Dragon Balls? It wasn't mentioned before that he collected them during the time skip or that he was GOING to collect them when Samex fused. THREE! It is utterly pointless that Randy died then if he was immediately brought back to life. AND FOUR! SAMEX WAS ALREADY FIGHTING KARATA BEFORE THIS!

-"Karata: another attack? this is so easy": Stupid lines. Of COURSE he's going to do another attack! He's fighting you!

-"Sam secretly did a Bending Sun Beam Attack. Karata go directly hit in the back.": A ripoff of a ripoff.

-"Karata: Nice job saiyan, but I can do better.": He shouldn't know what Saiyans are at all or that Samex is a saiyan.

-"Karata: LASER EYES AHHHHHHH!" : Yes, because Laser Eyes are stronger than an energy beam. And it seems like Karata's getting hurt from doing his own attack. Say "RAAAAAH" instead of "AHHHH".

-The fight's bad, yadda yadda yadda.

-"POOOOF! Samex split in Sam and Alex again!":...You can't do that. You can NOT do that. You can't retcon something without giving an explanation. Even Episode 66 of Super gave a REASON for the retcon. There is no way that fight lasted 18 hours. If you wanted a shorter fusion, SAY they have a shorter fusion. Ya know what, never mind. This is a plot hole, not a retcon.

-"Karata: Huh? OMG you guys are a fusion? no wonder. Ok time to die.": Never. Use. OMG. In. A. Story. Unless a whole character is based around texting, this should never be in a story.

-"POOOF! Samex came back. Karata: But.. HOW! Eric: I wished them to become Samex Again!: How did Sam's d-Eric know EXACTLY when Samex defused? No explanation. Not only that, but the defusion was ENTIRELY POINTLESS if they literally refuse 5 seconds later

-"Karata: You're alive! I killed you.": Even though Mr. Eric here was directing his line that they refused to you...and you didn't kill him, he defused.

-"Samex and Randy became blind and Karata ran to his Spaceship.":Oh, so Randy was still there? Sorry, there wasn't a single line of him saying "Oh hey, I'm alive again!" or something.

-"Karata ran away and by that time, Samex De-Fused into Sam and Alex.": UNLESS they're going super slow-mo, and that Blind Freeze lasted at least half a day, there is no way that refused Samex fought Karata for 24 hours. Literally no way for how short the fights are. Also, are we going to ignore the 3 other wishes you have like wishing Karata was dead or something?

-"Sam: these 1. Xray Break 2. Speed Travel 3. Picture of Lies 4. Erase Of Enemies": Again, just listing off attack names isn't engaging. If we know what an attack already does like the Kamehameha, then go for it. But if you have brand new moves and you give no explanation for them, you might as well not give the attack names at all. I mean, Picture of Lies could be just summoning a mirror with Post-its saying the opposite of what the enemy is. Might as well be.

-"Eric and Randy Fused too into.... ERIDY!": Eridy is a horrible name. Randic is much b-wait...

-"Eridy: Hey SAMEX me and Eric Fused into Eridy.": Eridy fused with Eric? TWO ERICS?!

-"Samex: Cool, So What's our power level's. SO they waited one day so they can check their power levels.": WHYYYYYYY? What's the point when you're going to fuse against Karata and you're there fused now? And couldn't Karem change them back if the time limit is truly a day, even though it couldn't be, as I've said before?

-"Sam: Eric yours is 8,500": CALL HIM DAD! He called Eric "Dad" in the first saga. Did his personality change for no reason?

-"Karata: THOSE FULS MESS WITH ME? HOW DARE THEY!": YOU WENT THERE YOURSELF YOU IDIOT! YOU HAD NE REASON TO IN THE FIRST PLACE! Also, I know I stopped conning spelling and grammar a while ago, but fuls...should be fools.

-"New Soldier: The Power Level Addition Machine is ready": EXCUSE ME? Why didn't this galactic overlord use this machine endlessly to become stronger than literally gods? And how did they make this machine anyways? Nothing is ever explained! Also, it comes out of nowhere for plot convenience. Yeah, that's a con too...I want to like stories, ya know?

-"and the other one is... 50,000!! Eridy: WHAT!": SEE? Why not use this machine that can quadruple your power more often?! Unless it takes 5 years to charge, I'm not buying that this guy isn't stronger than at least Frieza.

-"All of the sudden explosions started coming to Zork.": What does this even mean?

-"Samex: Do you wanna go first Eridy? Eridy: Sure!": OH! YES! Sent the WEAKER ONE out of the two of you against a guy who can beat the STRONGER one with ease! Don't team up or anything! You know how well that worked out with Randy against Randik, after all!

-"What Karata didn't know is that Samex is going to train nearby.": THIS AGAIN? Wait...shouldn't Eridy be immortal? Waitwaitwaitwait...Eric could eventually beat Karata on his own...still...if they defused Randy would die AGAIN! Samex would make the exact same mistake, wouldn't he? Train for 6 hours and let your friend die. Either way, I've realized there is zero tension

-"Samex attack New Soldier and used a new move too Samex: Xray Break! Samex found out that her eak point is the left rib so he hit that part and she fell unconsious.": Ahem...one. It was literally just said that Samex was going to train. Why is he still here? Two. Samex should be strong enough to kill the New Soldier very easily without using a super attack or hitting a weak point...yet it only knocked her out. Also, three. How did Samex automatically know her weak point?

-"Samex began training again.": Right next to the fight? It isn't said that he flew somewhere else and the New Soldier was near Karata.

-"Karata had a direct hit and didn't even flinch": No, you mean Eridy had a direct hit.

-"Eridy: How do you know my name? Karata: it's a move I have called Deep Insider.": Okay, so that expl...wait WHAT?! He just has this ability to see into people's minds? Or just to know their names? If the former, then he should know about Samex's training plan and about how they fused in their first battle. If the latter, then what's the point of having the move if you can just ASK THEM their name? Sorry, this still doesn't fix how he knew their names beforehand, especially since Samex didn't ask at all in the first fight...and how Randik knew the Sun Beam Attack before it was used

-"Samex Saved Eridy just in time. Samex: let's fuse guys! Eridy was almost unconsious. Eridy: ok, Samex. They went to sam's house without Karata looking.": Buh...WHAT?! Why didn't they fuse BEFORE fighting Karata? WHY DIDN'T THEY FUSE WITH EVERYONE ELSE IN THE WORLD TO STOP THIS THREAT?! Wait...why didn't Randy fuse with Eric in the first battle? Sure, there wouldn't be anyone to collect the Dragon Balls, but still. AND HOW WERE THEY JUST ABLE TO WALK AWAY FROM KARATA WITHOUT HIM PURSUING THEM? Was Karata looking at a bird and being not at all surprised that Samex saved Eridy somehow even though he's much weaker than him?

-"Eridex: my power level is... 37,000! Eridex: it's not enough though! They started training while walking to Zork City Karata: where is those idiots.": COUGH COUGH COUGH ONE! Eridex is a stupid name. Name him Samdic or something better than Eridex. COUGH COUGH TWO! I gave a pro for not overpowering the fusion before, but this is ridiculous. The fusion weaker than Eridy and Samex's combined powers WITHOUT fusing! COUGH THREE. How can you train while WALKING? How do you even do that? And FOUR! KARATA HAS A SCOUTER (somehow. Yes, I'm still on the side that they shouldn't have scouters at all)! JUST USE IT TO FIND THEM! Unless you just want to walk on the sidewalk and buy some clothes at the store...oh wait you're a blob, you don't wear clothes.

-"Eridex: Xray Break! Eridex found out that Karata's weakness is his chest.": Oh is THAT what it does? I would give more pros to this move if it was said flat out that's what it did. You shouldn't have to connect the dots to know the effect of a move a while after its introduction (I say this 'cause the Time Leap and Kaioken weren't automatically explained when first used, but shortly after). And now that I know...how could Sam learn this at all? A week of training doesn't let you spot an opponent's weaknesses instantly.

- Again...none of the fights are good or enticing. They're. just. moves.

-"That move is a combo of Speed travel and Enemie Eraser": Yes, because I know what both of those moves do...oh wait.

-Eridex: I'm Stealing your energy Karata!: HOW?! ULTRA PLOT CONVENIENCE, MUCH?

-"Karata was now history. FOREVER!": That's just a bad line.

-"Episode 11: three more wishes left from Munchon. Eridex: our wishes are 1. turn us into four again 2. revive everybody that died from katara that isn't evil. 3. Rebuild Zork City! The three wishes were made and that was the end of Katara": Okay...so one. Did Munchon...wait, wasn't it Munchron?...Yeah, it was! Okay, that's one. Second, did Munchon wait for TWO WEEKS to give the remaining wishes? Was the sky dark for that long, as I assume he has that same property? Three, and probably the most important out of the four I'll list here, Karem's fusion is horribly inconsistent. So first it says they can ONLY be fused for a day, then then defuse in the middle of a fight after only, say, 6 and a half hours, then defuse after 5 minutes at most, and now it's forever unless they wish for it? Couldn't Karem just unfuse them since they can fuse them at all? Ya know, make it make sense by not having Karata stare at birds and actually destroy Karem so they couldn't fuse again after that fight and that's their last ditch effort? Anyways, four. It is never truly stated that any destruction happened or that anyone died (besides Randy, but that was useless). Yes there was that raining down explosions line, but that's not enough. Just add that it completely destroyed Zork City and killed everyone there or SOMETHING!

-"Goku was born and Planet Vegeta was destroyed in universe 7.": USELESS!

-"Sam and his friends stopped training after Karata died.": WHHYYYYYYYYYYYY? What, do you want ANOTHER threat coming and trying to kill you (but not destroy your planet cuz they haven't done that)?

-"?????: Hello, my name is Peppi, i'm the Kai for this Quandrant. Sam: Quandrant? what is that? Peppi: there are four quandrants in each universe. we are in universe 1. you're planet is in the north quandrant, so we are testing the greatest fighters to battle in a tournament to battle 3 other people in the other quandrants. The winner of that gets a private lessson with Earl, The Grand Kai!":Sigh...kais don't interact with Earthly affairs too much. Don't get me wrong, they DO help, like sealing Bojack and stuff. But the only reason why King Kai TRAINED Goku was because he WENT there. They don't just go down to random planets hosting tournaments. The Otherword Tournament happened because, well, it was in the Otherworld and the Grand Kai did it in his realm. Also Earl is a stupid name for a Kai.

-In the power levels list, Grand Kai (I don't care if he's called Earl, I'm calling him Grand Kai because it's not stupid) shouldn't be weaker than Ginyu. He should be at least on par with Frieza

-"Alex and Randy came up to me": Oh so this is first person now? Except...it isn't...what?

-"Alex:oh,.... A KAI!!": How does Alex know what a Kai is?

-"Peppi: anyways... here's an invitation for the tournament. It's on planet ummmmm, oh yeah, Earth!": There IS no Earth in Universe 1. That's only for Universes 6 and 7.

-"Sam: We build four Spaceships.": Or build one big ship all of you can fit in. No? Oh, okay, let's take the hard way out...

-"Sam: Hey, Dad! can you go after the Neopolitan Dragon Balls so that Munchron can make four spaceships for us. Eric: Ok Sam.": That is insanely rude. "Oh just stop what you're doing and gather these Dragon Balls which take, like, a week to gather" Yeah, great manners, Sam.

-"Earl: Where is Peppi? Servant: He's on planet Zork Sir. Earl: Why? Servant: Someone there was able to beat Karata. Earl: KARATA! he's pretty strong...Earl: When will the tournament start?": How incompetent can a guy be to not know who he's inviting or what day HIS tournament is starting?

-"Sam: Hey Dad do you have the Neopolitan Dragon Balls yet? Eric: Yes I do Son, I'm coming back. Sam: Ok. Sam hung up his ZPhone and went to his friends.": Oh yeah, rush your dad even more...also how could he gather them in less than, like, 30 minutes when it took him super long the other times? I know he got stronger, but still. More importantly...what's a ZPhone? IS THIS NOT A SEQUEL TO ANOTHER SERIES?! No? Ugh...

- Horrible Alex vs Randy fight, again

-How did everyone get so much stronger after barely training. Like, they were at the max of 20,000 an hour ago in their time, about. Now after no mentioned training besides that SINGLE fight, the strongest out of them is now a 50,000...it makes no sense. Maybe if they actually TRAINED in that 3 year period, it would, but NOOOOOOO! We need to have completely unnecessary factors in this story.

-"Sam: Oh yeah! I didn't eat yet.": You didn't eat...t-this is completely unnecessary. It's not funny either, if that's what this was going for.

-...You know the point of fusions is to INCREASE powers past the limit, right? I completely take back that pro now (although I'll still keep it as I thought it was good at the time). They can't just add their powers off of each other.

-"Eridex: My power level is.... 131,500! Eridex trained for the whole day until he De-Fused. Sam: Woah, 131,500!": Oh, so the wish before was completely pointless, since they defuse after a day...so inconsistent. Also, minor gripe, but I don't like how people with scouters can scan their own power level with the scouter. Not major, but still. Wait...even after a day of training, how did Eridex's power level not raise at ALL?

-"Sam: Let's see. 1. No Fusion! 2. No Killing! 3. If you become unconsious, the opponment wins.": How did Sam figure out these rules? They were together for the whole day. Also, that makes the fusion power level thing completely pointless

-"After Eric finished his 5 wishes, they went to Earth to the tournament.": Are we just ignoring the other 4 wishes Eric made? Yes? No?

-"Anncouncer: OK FOLKS THESE ARE OUR 8 FINALIST.":FINALISTS?! There were no preliminaries at all!

-"4. Eric": Eric's immortal. Since there's no out of bounds rule, he can't lose. I don't think immortal beings can go unconscious either.

-"1. Aquaticy 2. Sam 3. Alex 4. Eric 5. Randy 6. Lamon 7. Turata 8. Fared": Why does their quadrant get 4 people while the others only get 1 or 2? Shouldn't there be a preliminary with only the selected people for the quadrant and let's say the top 4 out of THOSE gets to be a finalist? Either way, Sam's quadrant has an unfair advantage.

-Yeah, Sam and the others have an unfair advantage. Sam took Aquaticy out in 2 attacks. Oh yeah, the fight's bad, too.

-"Alex: Bending Sun Beam Attack!": That defeats the purpose. Bending attacks are supposed to be a surprise.

-I still have no idea what these moves do...maybe the fights would be better if I was TOLD what they did!

-"Announcer: Ok! Match 3. Roshi vs Gohan. Lamon: Hammer Attack! Turata: Hammer Attack!": Excuse me? Roshi and Gohan AREN'T in this fanfic...they're supposed to be Lamon and Turata. Oh, and the fight's literally a single attack too...yawn

-"Eric flew out of the ring.": I'm sorry, there were no rules about there being a ring you fall out of and lose. Eric should have won with the rules that were established earlier.

-"2. Gohan Vs Fared": WHAT?! Why does the author keep changing Turata's name to Gohan? Either you have Gohan, or you have a new character...plus Gohan and Roshi shouldn't be in this universe at all since 1. It's a different universe and 2. It was said that Goku was just born in Universe 7, so Gohan couldn't even BE born!

- Horrible fights yadda yadda yadda.

-"Announcer: Gohan Vs Fared! Turata: Hammer Attack!": STOP CHANGING HIS NAME! It's not that hard!

-"This went on forver.": Oh doing the same thing over and over with no variation is a good fight. Top notch battle.

-"Announcer: First person th get up Wins!": Ripoff of the first tournament. Maybe he lo- "Announer: AND THE WINNER IS..... Sam!!!!!!!!!!"...no. I'm done...not really...my stunt double's on coffee break.

-Now that the tournament is done, I learned nothing about the new characters. Who are they? How did they get so strong? Their friends? Their motives? None of that's expanded. They're just random people who came out of nowhere for this tournament.

-"Announcer: It's a pass to go to planet Namek for the Ultimate Tournament!": WHAT?! There should be no Planet Namek! There was no mention of an Ultimate Tournament! THIS WAS THE TOURNAMENT OF ALL THE QUADRANTS! Wasn't it? No?

-"Episode 11: Semi-Finals: Sam Vs Andrew and Darkumen Vs Poreta": Semi-Finals? They just got there.

-"While in his spaceship he learned three moves for his dad and him to use. 1. Family Karate Kick 2. Father-Son Sun Beam Attack 3. Copy Death": Father-Son Sun Beam Attack is a ripoff of the Father Son Kamehameha. And AGAIN I don't know what 'Family Karate Kick' or 'Copy Death' are. There is no point if I don't know what they do!

-"Announcer: In the first round, Sam Vs Andrew and in the second round, Darkumen Vs Poreta!": It's matches not rounds.

-"Announcer: Sam's Power Level is 61,000! Announcer: Andrew's power level is 57,750!": I already know Sam's going to win. That's just a problem with power levels, not just this series

-"Announcer: Darkumen's power level is 50,000 Announcer: Poreta's Power level is, 75,000!!!!": Again, I know who's going to win now.

-"Alex: Can you fuse here? Peppi: yes why? Sam: My Dad! Sam: Hey dad get the Namekian Dragon Balls and form us into Samex.": That is such an unfair advantage. Poreta got that power on his own. You're just going to fight dirty. Yes it's the most effective, but if you wanted effective, use the Dragon Balls to wish for Erdirx or whatever his name is. Not Samex. Also, they shouldn't know Namek has Dragon Balls

-"Sam: Hey can you delay the time for a day or two? Announcer: Sure!": OH YEAH! THAT'S FAIR! Don't give us tension and having Sam use his MIND to beat Poreta! Have you bend the rules into your favor!

-"Eric has three of the Namekian Dragon Balls.": How? They just came up with the idea. It's always too quick. Yes, the villages how the Dragon Balls, but still

-"Sam: Samex is a saiyan from Karem and there was a story about a super saiyan.": People. From. Zork. Shouldn't. Know. About. Super. Saiyans.

-"Eric: No. The last one is below us.": Now that I think about it, how is it underground? It should be with one of the villagers or Guru.

-"Eric: These are our wishes 1. Fuse Sam and Alex into Samex. 2. Allow them to turn into a super saiyan 3. give us locations for the Neopolitan Dragon Balls 4. Build more citys for Zork. 5. Give all Zorkians Life! Porunga: I Granted all these wishes, farwell!": The-The wishes...it's always the WISHES! You know what's coming now...one, and most importantly, PORUNGA CAN ONLY GRANT 3 WISHES! He can't grant 5 like the overpowered Neopolitan Dragon Cones! Two. Building more cities for Zork is extremely selfish. These guys are the heroes? Three. If the Neopolitan Dragon Balls were just used AND Eric can find the Dragon Cones in one day anyways, what's the point? Four. What does "give all Zorkians life" even MEAN? Due to these, there should only be three, as three of these are completely unnecessary.

- As for power levels...Why is Munchron weaker than Porunga when Munchron should be the only one to grant 5 wishes? Why is the Super Saiyan multiplier so low? It should multiply a person's power by 50. Instead, Samex goes from 85,000 to 120,000, which in of itself a downplay of fusion.

-"Samex: AGHHH THE SUPER SAIYAN POWER IS MINE!!!!!!": Stupid line

-"Everyone was happy that Samex won the tournament.": Are you kidding me?! I would be FURIOUS if I was Poreta! These guys just fused and wished to gain an ultimate power who HE couldn't! Sam didn't win! He should have lost! He used underhand tactics to get the better of him. That's something a villain would do, not the hero of the story. If they got to power up, Poreta should have too.

- No move description for the moves yadda yadda yadda.

-Last saga, last saga..."Sam got married to Praty. Sam also had a daughter named Pam.": Sam's only 23. That's a little too young for marriage and having a kid, I would think. Also, who is Praty? No build up for this? We just assume the became girlfriend and boyfriend and married each other?

-"Eric was about 40 now as he can't fight anymore.": You can still fight when you're 40. Especially since he's immortal and all. Master Roshi still trained when he was over 100 years old. Oh and if he didn't train, why is he stronger now? He doubled his power from 30,000 to 64,500

-"Sam usually trained as SSJ1 Samex once a week. His power level is about 250,000.": It just doubled? OVER 8 YEARS?! No, they should have gotten MUCH stronger than that.

-"Randy left about 3 years ago and trained for a long time.": Except training with a strong partner is better than training alone.

-"Eric: I know it's 10 times as powerful as Karata!": Oh, but Samex can multiply his power by 50 so he should...oh yeah, that Super Saiyan transformation is still not right.

-"Eric: He is the God of Destruction for our universe.": How does Eric know about this? Unless a Kai told him (which I would assume would be in the time skip) he shouldn't know, and even if he did, why didn't the Kai tell Sam either?

-"Eric: No it is Flight.": ARE YOU TELLING ME THAT THEY DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO FLY?! THIS ENTIRE TIME THEY RAN TO THE DRAGON CONES? W-WHAT? No, I can't believe that. That is stupid. And if Eric knew this before why didn't he teach Sam before? Don't tell me that he learned it a day before this happened either because Eric "stopped training".

-"Tam: MUAHHHHHHH! I WILL DESTROY EVERY PLANET! Dog: WOOF! WOOF! Tam: Who's a good boy. Yes you are! Dog: Woof! Tam: Die Dog, Element Beam.": Where's his attendant? This should be regulated, ya know.

-Tam Anegi is WAY TOO WEAK for a God of Destruction. Beerus can take out Majin Buu and SSJ3 Goku with EASE (less than 1%, probably), while Tam can't even stand up to Frieza's FIRST FORM (500,000 vs 530,000). No. Unless you have your characters as Super Saiyan Gods, they can't battle a God of Destruction THAT easily.

-"Dog: wooooff.......": How did that dog survive a God of Destruction's blast?

-"Tam Landed on Zork about 2 weeks later.": HOW DID THEY SENSE HIM THEN IF HE WAS THAT FAR AWAY?! Or was he close and just slept after sensing their powers?

-The power levels...Sam is 150,000 in his base. Alex is 125,000 in his base. SSJ1 Samex is only 300,000. That is stupid. Even if you just add the two's powers together, the Super Saiyan transformation only gives a 1.09X boost...THAT'S WORSE THAN THE WEAKEST KAIOKEN! This is...horrible...

-"Randy: Hey Guys i'm here!": Oh, so he just appears after 3 years of being away? Yeah, that's good reintroduction

-"but it was too late they were already at Karem": WHY CAN'T THE VILLAINS CHASE THE HEROES?! It's almost over...almost over...

-Again, all of them added up without Super Saiyan is 430,000. Eridex at Super Saiyan is 455,000...THAT'S AN EVEN LOWER INCREASE! Just 1.06X! Last episode...so close...

-The X# is too overplayed here

-"SSJ2 Eridex: This is the last time! SUN BEAM ATTACK X500!": HOW DID ERIDEX TURN SUPER SAIYAN 2?!

-Are we just going to ignore that Sam didn't save the universe? He ruined it. He KILLED the God of Destruction. Everything is in disarray now. There's no balance.

- Oh yeah, also, Eridex is immortal. There's no tension for the battle

-This story...this story...There are unnecessary lines and things that shouldn't be there. There is no explanation for what Zork's society even IS. The villains are all bland. The tournament had no substance. I know nothing about what the moves do, and the ones I do know make no sense. The Super Saiyan multiplier is messed up. The Dragon Cones are SO OVERPOWERED. The entire power scaling is messed up. The fights are horrible. Karem and the fusions are used for plot convenience. The fusion's time limit is super inconsistent. It's...just...go to the next part of the review...

Pros
+I kinda like how Gero failed to create a robot to kill Goku the first time. Although it also has many problems

+Gero kidnapping more kids besides #17 and #18 was kinda cool. It shows that he doesn't care about morality even near the beginning.

+It's short enough so I don't die from its stupidity.

+No really, like, for my general synopsis for pros, it's super short...that's it.

Cons
-It should be "The Story of the Androids, which makes even less sense because it's spelled "The Story Of Androids" in the next line. They're still wrong either way though

-Just one big paragraph is hard to read. I know that from my own experiences, sadly.

-One the note of just one big paragraph...that isn't enough to tell a story for all of the Androids. Even though I haven't read it yet, KV's The Perfect Lifeform seems better just on the surface because it, ya know, actually has effort and time put into it...and more than a paragraph.

-"Dr. Gero was so sad that the red ribbon army got demolished. This made Dr. Gero really mad.": Nostalgia Critic's Politician game everyone! Where someone contradicts themselves right after they said something else!

-"'I need a lot of stuff for my robots' Dr. Gero said.": Okay, the doctor's talking to...who? And where? And why when he could think that? And what's stranger is that dialogue ALMOST NEVER APPEARS AFTER THIS! It's pointless!

-"He went to West city first to get a program chip so the robots could talk": Android 8 could talk. Are you telling me that ALL of Gero's materials were destroyed when Goku attacked? Because Goku never even saw Gero's lab.

-"Next he went to Orange City to get half of the parts for the androids.": Oh yes, only HALF of them. If he was able to get killer parts for the Androids, then why would they be sold just in a city (unless it's Gero's genius that allowed him to use it to his advantage, which makes sense, I guess)? And if Orange City basically had all of the parts, why didn't get them all? It's not said that he couldn't. And why did he have to go to West City to get a voice box if everything was there?!

-"After he went around the world twice he finally found the perfect spot for his labratory.": He obviously had the laboratory before the RRA fell because Android 8 was already built. And why did he have to go around the world TWICE? I think going around once would be enough.

-...ANDROIDS 9-20 WERE MADE TO KILL GOKU! Nothing before! Do you know why?! Android 8! This story just disregards the whole first part of Dragon Ball, which should NEVER be done. Do your research, kids.

-"His power level was about chi-chi's power level.'This Won't do!' Dr. Gero said as he ripped #1 apart.": Irrelevant because it doesn't mention which Chi-Chi this is. Kid Chi-Chi? Chi-Chi in the 23rd Tournament? Or after Gohan? And when was Android #1 completed? No mention of any of these. And if it was immediately dismantled after being built, it should be a prototype as it wasn't used for anything. On that note, Androids should technically be referred to as "it", but it's not major.

-"They tried to kill Dr.Gero but Dr. Gero was strong enough to defeat them.": This REALLY bugs me. Gero wasn't strong at all before be became an Android. He was a little stronger then the Farmer with the shotgun at best. If Android #1 was some sort of Chi-Chi level, when even Kid Chi-Chi was stronger then a dinosaur, and Androids #2 and #3 being obviously stronger (unless we're going by the logic that they were inhibited like, they should have instantly killed Gero and gone on a mini-rampage. It's not like he used a remote either, no, it's STATED that HE was strong enough to beat them. Makes no sense.

-"Dr. Gero ran out of parts so he went to Capsule Corp to ask for parts.": This is so OOC

-"But all he got was a copy machine. But that came in handy. He used it to copy his parts until he had millions of parts!": This is just...if...if Capusle Corp...has a copy machine that can print copies of ANYTHING, then why did they give it to him?! Wait...it's also treated like the people at Capsule Corp didn't KNOW it could copy stuff...HOW?! They have Dr. Briefs who made the Capusles and a spaceship that can travel light years in a week, and BULMA, who made the Dragon Radar, a shrinking device and a TIME MACHINE (granted, Bulma in the regular timeline didn't know how to because she had to use Future Bulma's blueprints, but still), yet they didn't know that they made a copy machine with this level of power. Plus, Dr. Gero HAD no parts to copy ANYWAYS because it was stated earlier that he went to Capsule Corp because he ran OUT of parts! That's why he went in the first place!

- Why did Gero hide it when he was IN A SECRET LABRATORY?! There was ZERO point

-"but the super computer broke #4 while he was on vacation."DANG IT" Dr. Gero said. He broke down the super computer and built another one.": So a mad scientist who made and ultimate creation had zero blueprints for it. Why couldn't he just make another #4? And why take a vacation, now that I think about it? If Gero was finished with all of his testing, he would sent it to a city to have it destroy stuff until Goku came, like how he and #19 did it. This is even stranger as...

-"this one was like #4. He was perfect. It had Goku,Krillin,Little bits of Vegeta, and Yamcha. #5 started to look for Goku but he was quickly destroyed by a missile":...He does this with #5. Why didn't he do that with #4?! And, again, Android 8 was a thing in the original Dragon Ball! There would BE no Vegeta bits (which wouldn't do anything really. He just had bits of skin in him?). Also, if a random missile from some unexplained outside force (like how the supercomputer broke, which also makes no sense) can destroy #5, then that is nowhere near perfect. Kid Goku could punch a missile that could blow up AN ENTIRE HEADQUARTERS! If he knew who Vegeta was, he would at LEAST put #5 to his level so, ya know, he doesn't get destroyed. Makes no sense.

-"Dr. Gero stopped for about a month. By that time Gohan was born.": Gero just randomly stopped? A-And Gohan was just born? AGAIN! ANDROID. 8. IS. A. THING! Not only that, but if Gohan was born after the creation of #5, then Gero wouldn't even KNOW who Vegeta WAS. This is...so stupid.

-"he started #6 and #7. They were both girls. They were stored in Dr. Gero's super computer.": Whyyyyyyyyyy? "Oh hey, I have these machines to kill Goku! Hm...they work perfectly fine and aren't trying to kill me...I'LL STORE THEM IN MY COMPUTER!". And how can you store actual people in a computer anyways? Unless you mean those pods he stored them in...which isn't the supercomputer.

-"Dr. Gero started to build #9 until he fell asleep.": Oh, so this story DOES know about Eighter? T-Then shouldn't the author know that the androids AFTER #8 were meant to kill Goku? Th-This boggles my mind...On a side note, it doesn't mention specifically how long he worked. He very well could have worked for 50 years, for all I know, with Gero using a Super Caffine Pill and a Time Machine to know about Vegeta before he knew who Vegeta was. And then the Time Machine got destroyed by a bandit...and Gero magically survived because he was always a robot...

-"#9 malfunctioned and started to try to kill Dr. Gero. Dr. Gero stored his brain inside the super computer and the super computer started to rebuild Dr. Gero into #20.":...And? Did Gero just say "Bad #9! BAD!", and #9 stopped? There is no point in bringing it up if it's not explained. Also, Dr. Gero only had the super computer build Cell. No other androids. #19 helped him become an android, meaning he was a human for every other model.

-"#6 and #7 were free from the super computer and was returned back to human.": WHY?! Did they just leave and go on with their day without telling anyone about the evil mad scientist who kidnaps kids?! And how did they even get out of the computer and turn human? EVEN SHENRON COULDN'T DO THAT!

-"#10 was like #4 but way stronger. he wasn't stronger than #17 and #18 though. he was strong enough to beat Vegeta in his weakest form": So...Baby Vegeta? No not the GT one, the actual pacifier sucking Baby Vegeta? Not very strong for an android...It's also stupid how it's said that #10 was weaker than #17 and #18. WELL DUH! You say it's as strong as the weakest Vegeta, and unless that Vegeta is the Super Saiyan Android Saga Vegeta, it's kinda obvious. And again, if Gero knew about Vegeta way back at #4, why didn't he make him stronger than Vegeta in the first place when he had the necessary tools to do so.

-"He is in Dr. Gero's other Labrotory while in GT too. He never was activated. #18 remembers about #10 but doesn't say anything about it.": So he's in both labs at the same time? And how does #18 know when all of the models before #16 (#13 if you count movies) were destroyed?

-"#12 works and is as strong as #18 but was never activated due to Dr. Gero forgetting about it.": OH! OKAY! Gero just FORGOT about his flipping ultimate creation! "Oh, yes, this one with beat Go...what am I doing? Oh yeah, more Androids! Wait, did I make a #12? Ah, he must have malfunctioned for some reason." Yeah! Makes total sense!

-"Dr. Gero made one last one #21. He was the first one. He named it #21 because he was 21 at the time. #21 was the ultimate android. But Dr.Gero accidentally deactivated him and it broke down. Dr. Gero was so mad he went on a rampage and started to make androids.": This. It could have been so much more bearable without this. One. Cell is technically #21. Two. Why couldn't he make a creation as strong as #21 when he made #21, first, I might add? Three. How do you accidentally deactivate your ultimate creation and be unable to reboot him? Gero did that with #17 and #18. AND FOUR! It was CLEARLY said before that Gero made androids because HE WAS MAD AT GOKU! NOT because of being stupid and deactivating his creation.

-This story...the main problem is ignoring Android 8's creation. Androids 1-7 COULDN'T be made before Goku destroyed the Red Ribbon. IT IS IMPOSSIBLE. Another is that Gero just looses his ultimate creations for NO REASON like, at all. He either forgets it or it breaks and he doesn't have blueprints for another one. There are also so many unnecessary things, like Vegeta's cells, the copy machine and #21, all which detract the story...time for comparison.

Comparison
Both of these stories are bad. Like really bad. Even so, I'd have to say "Dragon Ball Z: The story of Androids", is better overall. Yes, it's bad and has less pros, but it also has less cons because it's so short. "Dragon Ball: Universe 1" was much worse to go through, especially since it has fights in it, which are all boring and dull. As a whole, "Universe 1" just has more story breaking problems. And so...

The winner is Dragon Ball Z: The story of Androids!

Review 3: Dragonball unlimated vs Dragon Ball: Yami
The Worst of the Worst

Dragonball unlimated
Pros

Cons

Dragon Ball: Yami
Pros

Cons

List of Favorite to Least Favorite
1. Dragon Ball Z: The story of Androids!

2. Dragon Ball Universe 1