User blog:KidVegeta/KidVegeta's reviews

(click the archive 1 link above to see all my previous reviews, up to this point)

These reviews are just my opinions. I do not claim to be better or worse than anyone else here. But that's not to say I won't be critical. That I won't be unforgiving. That I won't go out of my way to list 100 cons for your story in a heartbeat. I will, and gladly. Remember gents; I didn't give you an E-. You gave yourself an E- when you decided to sit down and post your atrocity for all of us to see. I'm simply here to call you out on it. So grab ahold of your mommies gents, this is gonna be one long ride.

RATINGS:

S (highest)

A

B

C

D

E (lowest)

Comedy Story Ratings:

O + (highest)

O

R +

R

R - (lowest)

Explanation of ratings:

E rated stories are terrible. D rated stories are quite bad, but a little more tolerable than Es. C rated stories are ones that I consider below average. Average stories will be given B ratings. Good, decent stories will be given an A-, A, or A+. Amazing stories will be given an S- or S. Perchance that there is ever a fan fic that I review that is, quite simply the cat's pajamas that will get an S+.

Comedies are reviewed in the same manner as other stories, but will have a different rating system. This is because I feel that it's not fair to compare them to normal stories, given their intent. O+ is not inherently equivalent to S+; if my favorite story is a comedy, it will receive an S+ instead. There is no O- rating; that is on purpose.

For now, I'm going to start with the featured fan fictions, as well as I few others I have read. But, I will review any and all stories that are requested. I'll list pros and cons right now, because otherwise it would be too long.

DRAGON BALL FS
pros

He dun parodied mah story.

Honestly, the only part I found funny was the bit about some of the Uub chocolate getting on Goku, and him loving it.

cons

NCF

The author shows a clear lack of any grammatical abilities.

Poor Uub.

Copying my candy shop scene. Tsk tsk.

Meh, Goku’s new power was lame. The leap from chocolate to “fat” was predictable, too.

Your bit, thereafter, ‘bout all the stretch marks and botox and imploding, and other shit… none of it was funny.

Closing Thoughts: A troll tried to parody a masterpiece in comedic form, as obviously it would not able to compare in his regular ability. That said, this story still sucked. It’s one of the worst comedies on the site.

Final Rating: R-

HATERS GONNA HATE
pros

Can't honestly give this story any pros.

cons

Right off the get-go, I hated that you censored all swear words. The first time I read this, I didn't realize you were censoring "bitch", leading me to be quite confused. I'd rather you didn't censor them, and just put a warning template.

The rhyming in this story is simple, basic, lackluster. It has a wholly unappealing feel to it.

I don't like that this story is in the format of a rap song.

Far too much swearing. Let's face, this isn't anything Krillin would ever say, so that means this story is also very much OOC for him.

Besides its OOC aspects, it's wholly OOU as well.

There is a total lack of any signifigant plot/resolution/purpose at all in this fic.

Closing Thoughts: HGH is directionless. It is humorless. Annoying as hell. But most of all, this story is, without a doubt, the epitome of a waste of time.

Final Rating: R-

NOT REALLY SURE
pros

Some of the made up wiki usernames are clever.

Holds a sincere purpose.

cons

Although I said above that this story holds a sincere purpose, that purpose is ultimately irrelevant, as this wiki does not delete stories simply because they are bad. And don't be going into logical fallacy land with saying "it could happen!" or "it will happen... eventually!"

Totally unfunny. I don't know why this is classified as a comedy.

Too short and forced at the end. You had much more potential to work on, in that area of the story. Particularly the admins banning one another.

The formatting is poor, and makes the story hard to understand and read, especially on the first run through.

Closing Thoughts: I would have thought this story to be clever, brilliant even, had I not already done basically the same thing in A Mother's Love. And seeing as this story really doesn't have any comedic aspects to it, and it is still considered a comedy story, I have to give it the lowest comedy rating possible.

Rating: R-

JELLO
pros

Jello is delicious.

This is a silly story written with good technique.

The fact that this story isn't about sex (and is written by Aku) warrants a pro.

cons

Vegeta is out of character... again. This seems to be a staple of all Aku fics, unfortunately.

I think some of your sentences could be written better. For the most part, there is good writing, but it can get bad fast. For example, I felt there was something "off" about how you described the Jello at first.

“It’s worse than Bunny’s thighs!” - is a terrible bit of dialogue.

I think you wasted opportunity to make it funny on how you ended the story.

Closing Thoughts: An admirable first attempt by AkurnaSkullblaka at comedy. It's better than most others can do. But that's not saying much. It could still be much, much better.

Rating: R

GROKU
pros

Surprisingly average grammar.

cons

Completely asinine name, with simply adding an R to Goku. Good one!

Groku has a very simplistic, clichéd personality. We've seen this a million times before. He's mean, he's cruel. He's a king, he has lots of money. It would be loads better if you added in specialized personality aspects to him, things that only he has. For example (and I'm not suggesting you use any of these), he could be afraid of something (like water), he could collect things (like swords), he could have lupus. Just give him more depth. Something that will make us be able to love/hate him based on who he is.

Please make his profile picture smaller. It's obnoxiously large right now.

Knock 'em down is a very juvenile move name. Try to come up with something a little more interesting and creative. It will make your character look more acceptable.

20 ton weights is insanely high. It makes everything suddenly lose any credibility it had. Use gradual weight increases, starting with around 5-10 lb each, and work your way up.

This character has no weaknesses that I can see. You should make some. Because, of course, godmodding isn't fun to read, and from experience, I can say it's not fun (in the long run) to write.

You don't explain why he took over cities. That detail could use expanding.

The thing with Nail Jr. is a near perfect mimick of many of the escapades that Goku had in DB, when he was a kid. I would much prefer it if you created an original story.

There is no good explanation for why Groku knows the Kamehameha.

I don't like that he is a king, either.

Closing Thoughts: This character is devoid of many things. He is very simplistic and has a very simplistic backstory, which is just a ripoff of DB. And we don't like ripoffs. That said, this character could become average, decent even, if you were to fix those cons. Otherwise, he will remain a terribly uninspired bit of rubbish.

Final Rating: E-

SEMI-CHARMED
pros

That this is about Tarble is something that instantly makes me like it.

A decently well-written poem. I'd give it a 7/10 in terms of rhyming and word usage. It could be better, but it could also be much worse.

The incorporation of Gure was decent. Although, it's a bit weird (at least without some more explaining) why'd she give herself up to him so readily...

I very much like the point of view this is told from. The best parts of this poem were him constantly second guessing himself about Tarble.

cons

I think a bit too much time was spent on the pod crashing onto the planet. Probably could do with one less stanza about that.

I find the whole thing about the aliens treating Tarble as a God the demon, then letting him live was done too quickly, especially with all the "fluff" stanzas beforehand.

I don't much like that Tarble calls himself a Saiyan prince. Seems a bit OOC to me.

There is no logical reason for why they would let Tarble live in the end. Even if he was no longer considered a demon, I think it would make much more sense for them to just kill him anyway. It just feels like how they would act.

Closing Comments: I have little to add to this section that has not already been said. The poem itself is good; the plot is something I very much enjoyed and the writing is okay. It is certainly an admirable and unique one shot, and I would most definitely recommend it to anyone.

Final Rating: B

THE SIZE OF IT
pros

None.

cons

Goku is completely OOC.

The dialogue is ruddy terrible.

The scene of Goku and Chi Chi is completely unfunny and pointless.

Trying to get cheap laughs out of Goku having a boner, and Chi Chi's boobies just shows that you lack any comedic abilities.

Gohan is OOC.

I positively hate the stupid porn scene. It's so unnecessary and out of character for everyone.

'"'Woof, woof!! Look at the size of it''!!" '''- is pure trash.

Closing Thoughts: Simply put, this story was unfunny and lame. It's no more than a failed attempt at comedy, and I do not recommend anyone waste their time in reading it.

Final Rating: R-

DRAGON BALL: YAMI
pros

Not a one.

cons

You stole my lions. Not only are they annoying as hell, but they still also link to my blog. Good copy, bro.

Spelling, grammar, mechanics, usage... everything is done poorly.

Goku shooting a kamehameha at Uub like that is out of character.

The crossover aspect of this story is completely half-assed. Uub being shot into a pyramid then immediately coming out with 6 millenium items on is just nonsensical.

There is no buildup in this story. An example of this would be when "Suddenly the sky turns dark and monsters appear out of nowhere" To be blunt, that's really poor wriitng technique.

The Goku then Yami bit. Makes no sense whatsoever.

Same thing when after the shadow creatures come in randomly and then leave randomly nigh but a sentence later.

Vegeta turning into Bakura is very lame. Pretty darn lazy, too.

Bakura's speech to himself is stupid.

Don't you fucking dare use the word "ain't" in this POS again.

Disliked quite a bit that Vegeta so easily broke free of Bakura's control and went to find Goku. This is all so pointless.

Vegeta reaching Goku in 1 minute.

If Vegeta is no longer under Bakura's control, there is no reason why he would challenge Goku to fight.

Thus, Vegeta is OOC.

Goku wouldn't go only SS1 if Vegeta went SS2. That's just stupid bullshit.

The Goku and Vegeta fight was extremely lacking.

Dat orange Super Saiyan 3 hair. You draw it yourself, bro?

'''"Now the time for talk is over. The time for your demise has just begun." '''- is so incredibly lame, I cannot aptly put words to describe it.

The Bakura/Yami fight scene was poorly done. It was also written very plainly.

I hate that there is a huge lack of proper transitions. Especially considering that you go back and forth between different characters constantly.

Vegeta training with King Kai is ridiculous.

Him learning Kaioken is ridiculous.

And yet, this POS Supreme Super Saiyan 3 takes the cake.

I severely dislike how nearly all the dialogue is just one person explaining why he's so powerful to another.

All of your fight scenes are just people shooting beams of energy at each other. More importantly, they suck bigtime.

Poorly done change from third to second person around the end of the second chapter.

The explanation for how Bakura survived Goku's Kamehameha is asinine at best. At worst, it's a poorly conceived plot point with no redeemable qualities about it. And I really detest asspulls like that.

Goku wouldn't pass out from a simple Kamehameha. Ultra or not.

Uub is now wearing five of those pieces. For no reason, of course. This is such a great part.

Killing Uub was done quite lazily.

Bakura prolly should waste time flying to Egypt while he's already in Egypt.

"Zorc begins to burn everything" - Oh, that's a good twist!

The only thing you ever have Goku do is fire a Kamehameha. As if you're expecting us to believe that it will ever succeed.

Goku rehashing exactly what he did in the Buu saga, with asking everyone for energy for his spirit bomb is so completely trite I cannot stand it.

Moreover, the people wouldn't listen to him. If you remember, Hercule had to trick them to give Goku the energy. So once again, this is just another lazy asspull to get yourself out of an impossible situation, which YOU put yourself in.

The rest of the Z fighters would have already sensed Goku and Vegeta fighting.

Goku forms the Spirit Bomb far too quickly. If you remember in Z, it took him like 12 episodes to do it. Anything less, here, is just a lie.

Yamcha can't fire a wolf fang fist. It's a physical attack.

Everyone using their ultimate attacks together was spectacularly lame. I expected much more out of it, quite honestly.

Lame way to end that fight. "Zorc just kills them all, cept Goku of course".

But wait, Vegeta breaking free from Bakura's control again saves the day. I like how you say that he beats them forever no matter what. That was quite possibly the most anti-climactic ending to a fight I ever did read.

Lol, then you kill Vegeta too. That was quite poorly done. Also, you haven't explained why Goku was kept alive, and why Zorc went out of his way to basically kill every single person besides him.

It's far too coincidental to have Goku turn back into Yami again.

Defeating Zorc with the Yugioh monsters was pointless.

Indeed, I'd say including this story in the dragon ball universe served no point at all. It was basically just a duel between two yugioh guys with random DB characters being killed along the way. Totally pointless.

Of course, after all this, Goku would destroy everything with a Kamehameha.

But of course everyone is revived. I knew it. Why bother killing them if you're just gonna bring them back?

If Yami is the good guy in heaven, his name shouldn't mean "darkness". That's stupid.

Closing Thoughts: ss11 has returned to the wiki in grand form, to post for us perhaps his worst story ever. This one is about as bad as V, if not worse. The characters suck, there is no plot, there is no point, there is no connection between the crossover elements. This is absolute trash. A hideous story with no redeeming qualities in it at all. I hated it thoroughly from start to finish; every second of it.

Final Rating: E-

Misc. Thoughts:
 * The single best scene so far that I have read is Frieza/Cooler learning about the birds and the bees in the fan fiction REDACTED. Quite frankly, it's legendary.
 * My favorite story thusfar is Tien: Origins. My least favorite is Dragonball Unlimated.
 * The most common rating is E- (or R- for comedic stories), which is the worst.

Stories To Be Reviewed
(these will not be reviewed in any particular order)
 * Dragon Ball Z AT by Constinet gr
 * Dragonball YTK by TienShinhan88
 * Dragon Ball DA: War on Earth by Princeofallsalads
 * What is this I don't even... why's it so long by I have no idea who
 * Dragon Ball: The New Generation by KorintheKat
 * Dragon caos by 68.39.179.48
 * Dragon Ball Temporakai: Trunks In Hell by SSJ3 Ascension
 * Goku Chronicles by KorintheKat